


It will be alright ...

by JustMe_NeuerVettel



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Bullied Liam Payne, Bullying, Family Issues, Friendship, Gen, Hurt Liam, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Injury Recovery, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:00:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 242,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27564184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustMe_NeuerVettel/pseuds/JustMe_NeuerVettel
Summary: Liam does not feel like he fits in.All he knows is that this band needs to work out and that he can't go back. He simply can't.Thinks build and heat up until the rest of the boys find out why Liam is distant and different.As they learn more about each other the five of them grow closer and help Liam get out of the dark place he is in.[Hurt/Comfort, but mostly comfort and a lot of cuddles with the boys being cute and taking care of each other]
Relationships: Niall Horan & Zayn Malik & Liam Payne & Harry Styles & Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 7
Kudos: 39





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> If I taggged something wrong, please let me know since I have no idea how to do so (First story published).  
> The timeline does not correlate with the real timeline of 1D but you can pretend it does.  
> No beta, please don't judge since English is not my first language.

Everything felt like it was too much, overwhelming when Liam got back to his hotel room that night. He barely could comprehend what had happened in the last few hours and didn’t know how to process it. Somehow, he was in a band. It had all been over and now it wasn’t. The day was more of a roller coaster than he could handle, he realised once he was alone in his room. On one hand all he wanted to do was fall into his bed and sleep but on the other hand he was way too energetic. It was nothing new for him, he always felt like he needed to be doing something even if he was sitting down, having nothing to do. Instead of sleeping, he decided taking a shower would be the best idea. Him and the other boys, Harry, Niall, Zayn, and Louis, had all called it a day just half an hour ago after kind of getting to know each other, to call their parents and relax a little. They’d exchanged numbers and agreed to meet back up in the morning to figure out how this is going to work. They only had a few weeks until they needed to be ready to perform, all of them, together.

Liam sighed, as he stood in the shower, motionless. His dad had encouraged him when he called him, as had his mother who he had talked to just as he was walking back to his room, but Liam wasn’t sure whether he was supposed to be happy, sad or angry. He didn’t get what he wanted, what he needed. Instead he got something that had never felt like an option before. Even if this worked out, him in a band, his dream was over, and he felt guilty for being sad about it. In the end, no matter how bad he felt for feeling like this, he couldn’t stop the panic rising in his chest and the tears falling down his face. He needed this to work, he couldn’t go back home. Not without succeeding and now it was out of his hand and Liam did not like not being in control.

The next weeks flew by without Liam having any moment to breathe. Somehow, he had ended up agreeing to staying in Harry’s house with all the boys to get to know each other. It was crazy and confusing to him at how at ease he felt around the other boys. He wondered whether this was what friendship felt like, not that he had any way to compare. The other four liked to joke around, mess around and within a few days of getting to know each other, felt comfortable around the others while Liam still felt like the odd one out at most times. He didn’t hug them as much and felt awkward whenever he tried to make a joke and it was not just him, the others sensed him being uncomfortable and on more than one occasion told him to relax and lighten up. Louis especially thought he was too uptight and serious when he suggested they should practice or at least talk about how they were going to perform.

The first week was filled with them playing mostly video games, watching movies, and eating while taking naps every now and then. The days didn’t feel like days while they were awake through most nights. Liam hated the way the others decided on what they were going to eat. Ordering take out every other day was not very healthy and when he suggested to get some real groceries the others just ended up getting more frozen pizzas and sugary snacks, laughing at Liam who had grabbed at least a few fruits and vegetables to snack on.

Another week went by and Liam was labelled as the sensible and boring one that always wanted to eat healthy. He knew this was going to happen, but he couldn’t sacrifice his health for a band he did not really want to be in in the first place. Just because the other four decided to get drunk a few times and he stayed sober as the only one did not mean he was boring. Louis and Zayn thought differently and didn’t shy away from making their opinion known that Liam was a party pooper. Liam laughed it off but stayed mostly quiet for the rest of the night, he didn’t know how to deal with drunk people and had no idea what they were rambling on about for most of the conversation, so he stayed around but kept to his own thoughts.

Despite the few hurtful jabs from the others, he still felt like they liked him overall. At least more than he had ever been liked back in school, so he called it a win when they did end up performing for the first time in front of the judges and made it to the next round again. His joy was shared by the others and it made him feel more connected to the group than before. It felt surreal when they somehow ended up succeeding in the live shows all up to the Top 3. Then it was over. He had to go back home. He couldn’t.

Liam splashed his face with cold water and waited for a little while, hoping he was at least a little representable when he opened the door to their dressing room. Five pairs of eyes stared at him and he stared back in confusion. Simon and the boys were sitting on the couch in the middle of the room.

“What did you do for the last half hour?” Niall questioned him.

“Sorry” Liam replied immediately, but took a second to find an actual answer, “My parents called, and I couldn’t exactly hang up on them.”

“Such a good son” Harry teased with a wide grin, but this time Louis hit him a little, “Shut up, I was on the phone with my mum the whole time, too”

The whole room laughed at that. Everyone knew that Louis was very close to and protective over his family. Liam took the second to sit down next to Zayn on the sofa and asked, “What were you guys talking about?”

Liam couldn’t believe it. They were signed by Simon and it was not really over, not yet at least. Instead of the naïve hopefulness he saw in the other boys, Liam was wary. He already had gotten his hopes up back when he was fourteen, then, when he got put in the band and now, he was just supposed to be hopeful again? He had been disappointed before and he wasn’t sure if he could deal with it if it didn’t work out. The pressure was on but this time he was the only one who seemed to feel it.

Him and Louis somehow ended up fighting constantly and Liam couldn’t even be really mad at Louis for it. The other just didn’t know why he needed this to work out so bad. To the others this was like a second life and they were enjoying it to the fullest while Liam always had to urge them to try and be professional. During their first week of their first tour, the first real shows they were going to play, tension was running high enough between them for the rest of the band to notice. Louis must have talked to them about how Liam was ruining everything fun. He had gotten rather mean comments from all of them but at the same time Liam wasn’t sure whether he was overreacting, feeling hurt by this. Maybe they were just messing around and he was taking it too literal, once again.

They were in one of their final rehearsals. It was just them, going through a few things, like timing where they were supposed to be on stage. Louis was yelling at him because he had been late. Liam was terrified of performing a full show for the first time and couldn't help the occasional moments of panic which he of course had to hide. Even if they happened just moments before he had been supposed to meet the rest of the boys on stage. The boy was still feeling overwhelmed, shaky and the loud voice just hurt him, so he didn't argue, just let the other singer take his stress out on him. It was true, like Louis was saying, he was a hypocrite because he was on the others all the time about being punctual and professional and here, he was, late himself.

At one-point Niall stepped between them and just told them to let it go. They were wasting everyone’s time. Liam was off the whole rehearsal and he knew it, everyone knew it and Louis' glares didn't make it any better either. The boy was stumbling around on stage, almost proofing to be a safety hazard for him and the others. In the end they called it a day more or less exhausted and Liam just followed the group that had decided that they were going to hang out together in Louis' and Harry's room. The two of them had gotten really close, were like best friends already and decided to share a hotel room while the other three liked their own space. Liam was already dreading the times they were going to be stuck on a tour bus together.

Niall, Louis, and Zayn immediately went for the mini bar while Harry ordered them something to eat. They put on a movie and sat in a circle on the bed, talking. Liam wasn't really participating because he didn't feel like either of them was particularly happy with him. When the food arrived, the others ate pizza while Harry actually handed him a salad, "Thought you might enjoy that more"

Liam smiled at the curly haired boy sincerely, "Thank you"

"Don't you want to drink something?" Niall asked him as he had watched the exchange and saw that Liam was the only one without a drink, "There's also non-alcoholic stuff in the mini bar"

Louis looked up and mustered Liam who flushed embarrassed. He was feeling weird and outcast again. Why couldn't he be more normal like the others?

"Let me get you something without alcohol" Louis offered, "Shouldn't have been so harsh on you before"

"Uhm..." Liam seemed to disagree, but just said, "Thanks"

He handed Liam something and the other didn't question it that much. Instead he took a sip of it, just as Louis smirked, "You can't help that you are just boring, right?"

"Lou" Zayn shook his head in disappointment, his voice sounding like a warning.

Meanwhile Liam grimaced. Louis had given him alcohol. Apparently, he thought Liam was stupid as well. Liam swallowed the bitter tasting drink before getting up, setting his food and drink down and wordlessly walked towards the door.

"Oh, come on, don't be like that!" Louis called out for him. Liam appreciated Harry and Zayn telling him to stop but at the same time anger rose in him. He was tired of the taunts.

Louis went on, "Come on, a little fun won't kill you!"

"Right" Liam replied dryly as he turned back around, "Because you know my medical history. You know everything because there can't be another reason why someone might not want to drink. Because the only reason for that would be because the person is boring and stupid"

Louis seemed surprised to see Liam actually respond to this, "Oh, so you actually think it'll kill you?"

Liam just shook his head, "You are kind of a dumb asshole, really!"

"Boys" Harry tried to interfere, but Liam has had enough.

"No! Louis doesn't get to talk to me like this. He has no idea what I have been through and I do have more than one valid reason not to drink. But they are none of your business and I do not owe you guys anything. What he did is more than stupid and not okay." Liam explained.

"I might be dumb, too..." Niall slowly raised his arm shyly, "But what are reasons to not drink?"

"I think you've had enough; you need your few left-over brain cells" Zayn laughed as he grabbed the beer out of the blonde's hand.

Liam sighed; he didn't want to get into this.

"I'm starting to think you do not have a reason" Louis said, less aggressively this time, "Or why can't you just tell us?"

Liam frowned, Louis was sceptical, and he understood that even if it didn't excuse his behaviour.

"Maybe because I am the freak that spent the first few years of my life in the hospital and somehow ended up with only one kidney that is just barely working. Theoretically I could drink and eat shit like you all day but it's like playing with fire. I can't go through that shit again, it's painful" Liam said.

"I think having four nipples is a little bit freakier" Zayn replied, glancing at Harry who started laughing and nodded, "True"

Liam just shook his head. They were joking again.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to stop you guys from having fun, was never my intention but I can't do this again. I need to watch what I eat and drink. If I mess up this kidney, I'm done, for real" Liam just said, "See you tomorrow"

With that the boy just left the room, leaving the rest of the band in silence.

The other four boys just sat there for a moment dumbfounded.

“Huh, well, he does have a reason. This kind of makes you an ass” Harry told Louis seriously this time.

“Well, he could have just said that earlier” Louis shrugged, “He still was late and an ass today, himself”

Niall sighed, “We need you two to sort this out. We need to be a band and actually get along, but if you two keep this up there’ll be problems for all of us. And he sounded really upset about this, so I get that he doesn’t want to talk about things like that”

Louis sighed, “It was not just me that made comments”

“You were the one to give someone with a medical condition alcohol… and you took it just that little bit too far” Zayn said.

“Fine, fine, I’ll talk to him later” Louis put up his hands in defence.

“No, now! We have a show tomorrow night and tons of interviews! Sort this out now, it’s late” Harry pushed him off the bed forcefully and Louis left the room, grumbling, as he did. Louis walked to Liam’s room, knocking at the door, getting no answer. He sighed, then called out, “Liam, open up, it’s Louis. We need to talk!”

Still no answer. The young man knocked again, loudly, before pulling out his phone and calling Liam. He didn’t pick up either.

“Damn, Payne, open up!”

“Bloody hell. You know what, if you want to act childish, it’s your fault. I’m done playing games, you can explain to the boys why we are not talking, still!” Louis yelled and turned to walk away as he heard the lock of the door being turned and the door opened just a little.

Louis frowned and entered the dimly lit room to find Liam walking away from him towards the bathroom. The younger one said with a rough voice, “Give me a minute”

“You don’t have to make yourself pretty for me” Louis teased with a smirk, unable to stop himself.

“Just shut the fuck up” came a growl from the bathroom, the door being pushed closed, but it didn’t fully close. Louis turned to look through the little gap and saw Liam standing in front of the sink, leaning heavily against it.

“What are you doing?” Louis just walked over and opened the door in confusion.

Liam tried to glare at him, but his eyes were wide with panic and he was breathing heavily as he realised the door hadn’t been closed completely.

“I’m trying not to have a fucking panic attack so get the hell out” Liam gritted out, moving forward to push Louis physically out of the room. Louis had never seen Liam this forceful and quickly took a few steps backwards until he was out of the bathroom and watched as Liam closed the door and locked it.

“That went well” Louis sighed, brushing his hand through his hair. What was he supposed to do now? He called the other boys. Harry picked up immediately, “What’s up? Did you kill each other?”

“Uh… no” Louis sighed, “What do I do if someone is having a panic attack?”

“What the fuck did you do!?” he could hear Niall screaming in the background.

“Nothing! We didn’t even get to talk, yet! He locked himself in the bathroom!” Louis replied.

“Bloody fucking idiot!” Niall yelled, “I’m coming, let me in!”

Louis went to the door and when he opened it, Niall was running towards the room and ran past him with the other two following closely. Niall said, “Stay back”

He then went to the bathroom and knocked softly, “Liam, it’s me Niall, can you let me in, please. Just me, let me help you”

He was leaning against the door and it seemed like he got an answer, as he nodded, “Yeah, just me, Liam, I get it”

The door was unlocked but stayed closed, Niall turned towards the others and threw them a warning glance as he slipped inside the little bathroom. Zayn and Harry looked at Louis expectantly, but the oldest just shrugged, “I didn’t say a word. He let me in and disappeared in the bathroom and when I tried to figure out what was happening, he yelled at me and locked himself in”

“How does Niall even know what to do?” Harry asked and Zayn looked at the both of them, “He told us he got claustrophobia. He panics in tight spaces!”

“Right… and now?” Louis asked.

“We wait” Harry replied and threw himself on Liam’s bed. The other two followed quickly and they sat around and waited for half an hour until the bathroom door opened again and Niall came out.

“Can you guys get out?” he asked with a sigh, seeing all of them on Liam’s bed.

“What is even happening?” Zayn asked confused, “Is Liam okay? Did we do something wrong?”

“Can we talk tomorrow? He’s fine now and yes, we all suck” Niall told them.

“Fine, we don’t have much time. Let’s meet up in our room tomorrow before breakfast” Harry replied and got of the bed, pulling Louis along with him. Zayn followed them out of the room and Niall immediately locked the door behind them.

The next morning Louis and Harry were waiting in their room for the rest of the boys to show up. Zayn was first, “Niall wasn’t in his room”

“He’s with Liam, probably” Harry shrugged while Louis frowned. He didn’t really know when things got this tense and weird between them all. Five minutes later Niall opened the door and walked in, Liam trailing behind them.

“Hey” Niall said the first word.

“So… what the hell is going on?” Louis finally just asked, “I know I was out of line yesterday, but I have no idea where everything went like, this wrong!”

Liam didn’t look at them, staring at the floor as he replied, “Nothing is wrong. I just overreacted again; you guys did nothing wrong. I’m okay, we are okay. We need to get breakfast and get ready for the interview”

The whole room frowned at him while Niall sighed loudly, asking, “Seriously?”

“I told you I am fine!” Liam said with a little more force than before.

Niall glared at him, “You had one of the worst panic attacks I have ever seen last night. Then you told me it was third of that day! You are not okay; this band is not okay if it causes you this!”

“I need you to stay out of my business, that’s all. If you had in the first place, this wouldn’t have happened” Liam said, eyes fixated on a certain spot on the floor, shoulders tense and voice tight.

“No, the only difference is we wouldn’t know about you suffering. I thought you were going to pass out on me for a moment. This is not okay, and we need to know what we did to cause it”

“You did nothing. It’s me that’s messing up” Liam replied, “I’ll do better. I know I messed up yesterday”

“What the actual fuck?” Louis asked exasperated, “I have no fucking idea what the hell is going on”

Liam visibly flinched at that and was saved by a knock on the door. Paul, their tour manager, and security guard opened the door, “Boys, we need you to get breakfast now or not at all!”

Liam took that as an opportunity to slide out of the room. The rest of the band couldn’t do much but follow along. Liam was long gone once they made it into the hallway, and he did not show up at breakfast, worrying them all. Instead he appeared just as they were ready to leave the hotel and go to the venue. He had a smile on his face, brushed off their questions and just seemed like every day before.

Louis pulled Niall aside once they were in the arena, “Do you have any idea what the hell is wrong with him?”

“He didn’t say much but something is going on with him and it’s freaking me out a little” Niall admitted, “Try and be nice, please, maybe he’ll open up if he doesn’t think we hate him anymore. Which he definitely does, by the way”

“Well, shit” Louis sighed, “Sure, I won’t mess with him. I thought he knew it was mostly friendly”

“Mostly being the key word” Niall replied with a meaningful glance before starting to jog to catch up with the rest of the group.

They were all nice and friendly to each other, but Liam didn’t open up. Not in the first week of the tour, or the second. He was the same calm and collected Liam they had known ever since meeting at the x-factor. It confused the other four bandmates, but they played it off to Liam having a bad week.

Liam being back to ‘normal’ didn’t last long. They could see him grow more anxious during the third week. He was frowning most days, barely talking to either of them or very strict about them acting like ‘professionals’ once again. The last two weeks he had been a little lenient and did not freak out every time they were two minutes late. Niall wanted to check in with him, realising what was happening and asked the other boys to go do something different on one of their rare nights without a show. Liam had been the first to retreat to the tour bus as they were driving to the next city that night. Meanwhile Louis, Harry and Zayn announced they’d stay with the extended band on their bus for the next few hours until they made their first stop. Liam frowned at that, but then glanced at Niall who shrugged, “Yeah, I’m not joining them. I want to relax a little”

Liam shrugged as well, “Fine by me”

Then he went towards the back of the bus and climbed into his bunk, closing the curtain. Louis looked at Niall, “Something is weird again, but I don’t speak Liam, so, please do something”

Niall glared a little at him, “You are such an ass”

The other three grabbed some things and then were off the bus again, Niall sighed and just went to make some tea first. While the kettle boiled, he went to the bunks and knocked next to Liam’s bunk on the wall, “Hey, mate, you sleeping?”

The curtain was pulled back and Liam peeked out with a frown, “Why?”

“I’m bored, wanna watch a movie? I’m even making tea” Niall offered. Liam thought about it for a while before nodding and pulling the curtain back all the way and slowly getting up. Niall went to the little kitchen like area, that consisted of nothing more than a kettle, a microwave, and a small mini fridge to finish the tea.

“Do we have anything to eat here?” Liam asked, opening the fridge just to find it completely empty save for some drinks.

“Zayn has a secret stash, we can steal some snacks, if you want” Niall smirked, but Liam shook his head. He was not going to start something like this. He always made sure to keep his stuff out of the way and not touch the others’ things.

“Then you’ll have to wait until we stop, I think” Niall told him.

“I’m not really hungry” Liam shrugged, “What do you want to watch?”

“I don’t care, just something to keep my mind busy” Niall told him, “Put whatever on”

Liam nodded and started one of the Avengers movies with a smile, settling down in front of the little tv and waited until Niall joined him to press play. “You and Zayn are actually obsessed with that shit, aren’t you?” Niall chuckled, once he saw what was on. Liam just shrugged again. They fell into a comfortable silence for a while, sipping their teas and watching the movie.

“So, the show near your hometown is coming up, you going home?” he wondered.

Liam didn’t take his eyes off the screen, “No, don’t think so”

“What? Why?” Niall was surprised, he wouldn’t let a chance go to see his family and friends back home, but their Ireland show was still weeks away. Liam shrugged, “I’m meeting my sisters on the day we got off, but they don’t have much time, so I’ll only be gone for like a few hours”

“And your parents?” Niall asked confused.

„Are out of town that weekend, unfortunate timing“ Liam explained.

“Don’t you have friends you want to see, either?” Niall just couldn’t grasp it, “I don’t get why you’d rather spend another day with us on the bus or in a hotel instead of at home. I thought you’d be gone the moment we arrive!”

Liam just shook his head with a soft smile, finally turning to look towards Niall, “I’ll be here”

Niall frowned, “You should go see your friends”

Liam’s smile fell a little at that, “I’ll see them when I’m with my sisters, but they all have their own lives and it just doesn’t work out on that particular weekend, alright?”

“Fine, fine, sorry I asked” Niall sighed, “It’s not like you’d voluntarily spend time with us when you had another option”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Liam seemed genuinely confused, not upset at the accusation.

“You never want to hang out with us, ever since you and Lou had that little… moment” Niall explained.

“I didn’t think you wanted me around. You guys made that clear that night. Why did you think I panicked? I didn’t know how I was supposed to live with you when you hate me! I still don’t” Liam told him, eyes turning back towards the screen, but this time Niall was sure he wasn’t following the movie anymore. He just didn’t want to look at Niall.

“Well, we thought you were mad at us… because of what happened” Niall explained.

“What? But I told you guys it was my fault and I overreacted” Liam sighed, leaning forward and burying his face in his hands.

“We didn’t believe you. You were weird that morning” Niall said.

“I’m sorry, I’ll try and do better” Liam told him, and it made Niall stop.

“Why are you apologising? That was a misunderstanding, we need to talk about things more”

“I don’t want that” Liam sighed, once again.

“Well, we are in a band now and we need to” Niall told him sternly.

“That’s stupid. We can be in a band without being up in each other’s business” Liam said.

“Well, it would make things a lot easier to know why you have panic attacks. Just like it helped a lot that you knew about my claustrophobia when they tried to make us use these tiny tunnels to get on stage. We need to have each other’s backs, or this won’t work out in the long run”

“This needs to work out” Liam turned to him with wide eyes, “I can’t… no, this just needs to work, I can’t go back”

“Woah calm down. I’m not saying that it isn’t but if we look at it in the long run, we need to get along, we need to be friends if possible and for that we need to talk to each other” Niall explained. Liam just nodded slowly, “Okay. I need this to work”

Niall frowned but didn’t say anything else. Everything that Liam has been saying had only confused him more than before. In the end, Liam stood up, before the movie ended and announced that he was tired.

He left to retreat to his bunk once again, leaving Niall to his own thoughts. The other immediately texted Zayn, “I’m so confused. Nothing he says makes sense and I don’t think I got anything apart from him thinking we hate him and him apologising and telling me he’d be better”

The only answer he got, was, “The fuck? We are stopping within the next hour. We are going to get something to eat and then come back, you want anything? Ask Liam, too”

Niall got up from his place and walked towards the bunks, “Liam, the boys are getting food in an hour, you were hungry, right? What do you want?”

“Nothing, I’m fine” came a muffled reply.

“Mate, you looked like you were starving” Niall said, “We can go out and meet them if you want”

“Nah, I’m fine, seriously” Liam replied again.

“Your loss” Niall sighed and answered Zayn. He was bored for the next half hour, finishing the movie on his own. When the bus rolled to a stop, the door immediately got thrown open and Zayn ran in, “Lou and Harry are getting the food, how are you guys?”

“Liam is in his bunk” Niall shrugged a little defeated and Zayn went over to hug him, “At least you tried”

The older boy then walked towards the back of the bus and yelled, “Liam! We are playing cards, come join us!”

Liam didn’t seem happy, he must have been really tired, his eyes were red, and he just seemed overall exhausted as he slumped back down next to Niall, having brought his blanket with him, and curling up. Zayn and Niall watched him for a moment but didn’t say anything. “What did you do with the other lads?” Niall asked.

“We just watched the game, had some beers and chilled” Zayn said, referring to the football game they’d been watching, “The game was shit”

“So, we didn’t really miss out?” Niall smiled.

“Nah, well, Louis and Josh were quite the loud goofballs, but other than that, not really” Zayn laughed.

Louis and Harry came running onto the bus, screaming loudly, and laughing. While Louis was carrying take out bags with burgers, Harry was carrying a grocery bag, “We got food!” 

“We got some snacks and stuff as well” Louis explained, “The fridge was totally empty”

“We noticed when we tried to get something to eat earlier” Niall nodded, “Liam was hungry”

“I’m fine” Liam immediately backtracked Niall’s statement with a shake of his head.

“Well, we got a little bit of everything because we couldn’t decide, so feel free to eat anything” Harry told the group and set everything down on the table. Everyone grabbed some fries and burgers first while Liam just sat back and watched. Louis startled Liam when he threw a box of Oreos at the boy, “You ate the last pack by yourself, thought you’d like a refill. It’s the only unhealthy thing I’ve seen you eat up until now”

Liam couldn’t help the wide smile that crept on his face as he grabbed the box, “Thank you”

Louis smiled as well, widely, realising that Liam was really sincere about this and he kept on smiling when Liam immediately opened it and started snacking on them. The group quickly finished eating and Zayn started setting out the cards for a game. It was nice for all of them to just sit around, joke a little and play the game. This was the most relaxed either of them had been in a while as they played well into the night and morning. Harry was the first to pass out mid-game while Liam followed soon after. The young singer was fighting it, though, eyes falling closed and startling up again for a few times until he was fully out.

“I think we should call it a night” Zayn suggested, “Should we wake them or…?”

Louis frowned, “No, we need to get them in their bunks”

Niall agreed, they were both still sitting up, Liam even still holding on to his cards. Zayn managed to wake up Harry a little and led him to the back of the bus until they were at their bunks. Louis did the same to Liam, a little more careful. Liam seemed confused and flinched away from him when he woke up. He didn’t seem fully awake, though, because after the immediate flinch, he let himself be pulled up and pushed towards his bed. Niall who realised that he had left his blanket behind, brought it to him and Louis covered Liam, who had been out the moment his head had hit the pillow.

“Well, that went okay, didn’t it?” Louis asked the two other boys that were awake.

“Maybe we should play cards more often, all of us, like tonight” Niall suggested, “I think Liam liked that”

“It was actually fun” Zayn agreed.


	2. Two

While Liam was a little more relaxed around them during their down time, he was still tense whenever they were rehearsing or working. They had one more show before they had one and a half days off followed by Liam’s home show. They were supposed to be doing sound check just before the show, but Liam didn’t show. While the rest of the boys started, Louis went to look for him. His first destination was their dressing room and then the adjoined bathroom. In the dressing room he could see Liam’s phone on the table as well as the hoodie he’d been wearing before, so he opened the door to the bathroom and found Liam sitting in the corner of the room on the floor, breathing heavily. His eyes were pressed closed as his hand was grabbing his shirt in front of his chest, pulling at it.

“Liam, hey, what’s wrong?” Louis asked as gently as possible, but he still saw Liam flinch at his voice. The older boy sat down opposite Liam, who still struggled to breathe, so he asked, “Can you take a deep breath and tell me what’s going on?”

“C-can’t” Liam have gasped, a tear rolling down his cheek slowly, making Louis frown. The older boy gently asked him to take a few deep breaths again. Liam tried to follow his instruction, but it wasn’t easy and took a few tries and cries of fear from him. Louis tried to remain as calm as possible and kept talking to him soothingly until he felt like Liam’s breathing had somewhat returned to normal. Once there were no more painful gasps and Liam’s hands fell to his side exhaustedly, Louis smiled softly, “Here we go, is that a little better?”

Liam nodded slowly, then stuttered, “M late ‘gain… sorry, m r-really sorry. I’ll be better”

“No, no, it’s okay, you weren’t feeling well” Louis tried to assure him, but it didn’t seem to do so. Instead Liam tried to get up and towards the door, the older boy stopped him with a gentle, “No”

Louis put his arm around Liam’s shoulder, ignoring the subtle flinch and led him out of the bathroom towards the sofa in the dressing room. He pushed him to sit down while doing so himself and pulled him against his shoulder, “We are taking a nap. The boys can finish up the sound check without us”

“N-no” Liam protested but it was nothing more than a whimper, “M-management and Paul and I need-“

“What you need to do is take a nap right now” Louis told him sternly, “I’ll text Zayn, he’ll tell Paul we are not feeling well”

Liam fidgeted around for a little while longer, but in the end his exhausted body didn’t let him protest, instead he complied by falling asleep on Louis’ chest, the older boy holding him close. Once Liam was out, Louis sighed and texted Zayn as promised, “Panic attack. You’re on your own for now. Tell Paul we’re sick or smth“

“You need Niall?” was the first reply, followed quickly by, “We can come and help? Is he okay?”

“Nah, we are okay. Made him take a nap just now. Staying with him“ Louis explained in his next text.

Almost an hour later, the door to the dressing room opened gently and three boys slowly filed in with Paul walking behind them, looking concerned, “Liam is sick?”

“He’ll be fine for the show, just needed to rest a little, I think” Louis informed their bodyguard, who seemed satisfied with that answer. Once it was only the five of them in the room again, the others had various questions, but Louis only said, “I have no idea why or how or when. Found him in the bathroom like this and I don’t know how, but I got him to calm down and brought him out here”

“Well, he let you touch him, that’s good” Niall said, “He trusts us a little more than last time, I think. Didn’t let me come close without freaking out again”

Louis frowned, he hadn’t been aware of that and it worried him. They sat around the dressing room for a while until they had to get dressed and ready for the show. Liam was still out like a light and Louis gently shook him awake. The boy seemed more than mildly confused, as he sat up, cheeks flushed and eyes roaming the room.

“Do you feel better? We told Paul you were feeling sick, but are alright for the show, that okay?” Harry asked him and received a timid nod as Liam seemed to remember what had happened.

“What happened to start it?” Niall asked him, but Liam just shook his head and looked back at him with pleading eyes. He couldn’t get into this.

“We need to talk about this” Louis told him, “But not now. We get that you are not up for it now, before the show, but later, please?”

Liam nodded slowly and Zayn jumped up, telling them all to get their asses ready for the show. The group went to get ready and by the time they needed to be onstage Liam seemed to be back to his old self again. In the end they never ended up talking about things. After the show they were all tired and exhausted and fell into their bunks without a second thought. When the rest of the group woke up the next morning, Liam was already up and ready to go. He was going to meet with his sisters, like he had told Niall a few weeks ago, while the boys had planned to explore the city during the day.

“I’ll be back tonight, see you lads later” Liam said his goodbyes and left the bus with just a backpack and his phone.

Louis, Zayn, Harry, and Niall had one of the best days walking round the city, even if they had to flee from fans a few times, having to rely on Paul and his team to keep them safe. In the end they arrived back at the tour bus after a long dinner with drinks during the late evening. A light was already on and Liam’s backpack was thrown on the floor near the entrance of the bus, signalling them that he was back already. They didn’t see the boy himself, so Niall went to check the bunks, since they were all curious what he had been up to. His bunk was empty as well, apart from his phone.

“He’s probably in the shower” he called out to the other boys, “We could start the game without Liam, and he can join once he’s done”

They had agreed earlier that they’d play cards and other games again that night, since they didn’t have any early meetings the next day. The boys went ahead and started the game, grabbing various snacks and drinks as well for the rest of the night. This time they had enough on the bus. They could hear the door of the bathroom open about half an hour later and Liam emerged before diving into his bunk quickly as they could hear the sound of the curtain being closed.

“Liam!” they all called, Louis getting up to get him, “Hey, we agreed to play a game, did you forget?”

Liam’s voice came muffled out of the bunk, “No, no, just give me a minute. I’ll be right out”

“Alright, hurry up, Zayn is destroying us” Louis told him and left again to inform the others. Liam didn’t show up for another fifteen minutes and when he did, they boys all stared at him. Liam was pale, his eyes were red rimmed, and he had trouble keeping them open, it seemed. He was walking slouched over, almost drowning in his hoodie and sweatpants. The hat of his hoodie was pulled over his head.

“What is wrong with you?” Harry asked worriedly, “Are you sick?”

“No” his voice sounded raspy, so Liam coughed quickly to clear his throat, “Just really tired. I’m like… exhausted”

He sat down next to Niall on the only free spot in the tight living room like space on the tour bus, “What are we playing?”

Liam grabbed a bottle of water and the Oreos that were on the table, pulling up his legs on the sofa to curl up a little. They ended up playing the card game they had been playing the last time for a while. When they grew tired of it, they decided on a new game, that Liam had never played before, “I’ll just watch for now… if that’s alright?”

“Sure” Niall nodded, “But it is really easy and fun”

“Maybe the next round” Liam agreed, followed by a yawn. Before the round had even finished, Liam was fast asleep again, this time the first one to pass out. Louis frowned at Liam for a while until he spoke up, “What did he get up to today? He wasn’t even that tired after we had these two days, back to back filled with tons of interviews a few weeks back, remember? We all were done then”

Niall shrugged, “We can ask him tomorrow”

The boys played for a few more hours, with Liam sleeping next to them peacefully. When they finally all were tired enough to go to bed, Louis tried to wake Liam again, just like the last time. Instead of him waking up with a flinch, Liam shot up, arms flailing, and panic written all over his face.

“Whoa, Liam, calm down, it’s just us!” Zayn called out as Louis had trouble dodging the other’s arms. Liam looked around frantically, before apologising quickly.

“Are you okay?” Niall asked him, but Liam only nodded, then asked, “What’s going on?”

“We are trying to get you to bed so we can sleep, too” Louis informed him, holding his hand out. Liam let himself be pulled up with a wince and let Louis lead him to the back of the bus. Liam was surprised to see Louis wait for him to be fully settled. The older one asked, “You alright?” Liam nodded and watched as the curtain was pulled closed with a soft, “Goodnight”

The next morning and afternoon the boys had a lazy day, they got some breakfast very late and only showed up at the arena for a signing and to take photos with the fans just before sound check. Liam, although looking a lot better than the night before was still tired and seemed a little slow, always trailing behind the rest of the boys. After sitting behind a table for an hour and signing photos of themselves, they were led to a separate room where they took pictures with some fans.

The line felt like forever and when they were halfway through Louis was definitely over it. He didn’t like the smile he had to put on and talking to someone else every thirty seconds, repeating the same conversation got tiring quickly. It didn’t mean that he didn’t like meeting fans. These events were just a lot and felt rushed and overwhelming. He started teasing Harry, then Niall and Zayn, causing them all a little more fun, while Liam still seemed tired and he didn’t want to push the other band member. They even had the occasional boyfriend or big brother in the line this time to take pictures with which Louis always liked. After another picture with two young girls and their older brothers, Liam was suddenly gone.

Neither of them noticed until the next group of fans was ready to take a picture and Zayn called out, “Liam! Hey, where did he go?”

Louis frowned and turned to duck through the curtain, that led to a little private area behind them. Liam was standing there bend over, panting heavily with Paul next to him, looking concerned.

“What’s going on?” he asked as the rest of the band came back as well, explaining, “We are taking the break a little early”

“One of the brothers tripped and elbowed him in the ribs, apparently” Paul explained but sounded wary saying so, as if he didn’t really believe it.

“M fine” Liam gasped out, trying to straighten up again, but his face showed in just how much pain he was as he kept one of his arms wrapped tightly against his side where he seemed to be hurt.

“You don’t look fine” Paul told him with a shake of his head. Just then commotion came from where they had come through the curtain. A girl was trying to get past one of the other security guards, arguing with him and waving her phone around.

Paul sighed, “You guys go back to the dressing room, I’ll take care of this. You have half an hour break”

Louis put his arm around Liam’s shoulder who was still standing lightly bend over, grimacing in pain. The boys made their way through the few hallways to their dressing room and sat down. Liam seemed a little better as he carefully sat down with a wince and Harry questioned, “What happened? We didn’t even notice you leave!”

“I’m sorry, I’m fine now. Was just a stupid accident, he didn’t mean to hurt me” Liam explained calmly, looking at the boys guiltily, “Didn’t mean to mess up the schedule”

“We don’t care about the schedule, you looked really hurt for a moment there” Louis told him, almost yelling, “Why are you always apologising for shit that’s out of your control?”

“I’m sorry?” Liam said again, this time more hesitantly, as if he was asking a question. Louis just groaned as the door opened and Paul entered looking angry. He pulled one of the chairs out from the little table in the corner of the room and sat down directly in front of Liam, who was still sitting on the sofa, arm wrapped around his side protectively.

“What happened back there?” Paul asked.

“I told you“ Liam frowned openly.

“Well, you lied to me. Tell me what happened” Paul immediately replied, causing the whole room to fall silent in shock and confusion.

Liam just stared at Paul, but he could see that Paul knew something and that meant he was done. The boy didn’t know how to react, so he just said slowly, knowing that it was no use, “No, I didn’t”

“Well, then explain this” Paul was holding a phone in his hand and showed them a video, “This girl from before happened to be filming the whole thing as she was taking a video for her friend of herself with you guys in the background. Do you want me to play it?”

Liam shook his head, “No”

“Then explain” Paul stated.

Liam repeated his actions from before, “No”

Louis had enough of this and grabbed the phone, playing the video with the other three boys huddled around him. Meanwhile Liam and Paul were still staring at each other, each trying to get their way. The video showed a girl that was talking to her friend, telling her about what was happening as in the background the two girls with their older brothers walked up to take the picture. One of them smirked at Liam and leaned in to talk to him. Liam seemed to freeze at that, paling immediately and not moving for the rest of the time that the picture was taken. He didn’t reply a word. Instead when the picture was done, the other boy grinned again, before forcefully ramming his elbow in Liam’s side, making him double over in pain and leaned down again to say something, arm around Liam. Paul who had been standing on the side realised that something was wrong with Liam when the other boy walked away and pulled him back behind the curtain. The video stopped there, and the boys looked at each other worriedly.

“That was not an accident” Niall slowly said, turning to Liam who was now ready to bolt, jumping form the sofa and turning the other way to flee the conversation. Paul wasn’t having any of it and held on to his arm, “No, Liam, you need to explain this. What did he say, and did you know him?”

Liam struggled a moment against Paul but whimpered in pain doing so, his free arm cradling his side again. Paul apologised but pushed him back down in his seat again. Louis, as well as the other boys could see the fear and panic in Liam, being trapped and forced to talk never had ended well up until now. Niall moved forward when he realised Liam hadn’t taken a proper breath since jumping up.

“Liam, you need to breath, it’s just us” he said, sitting down next to him, close but not touching him.

Liam took a shuddering breath as he closed his eyes for a moment before looking back up. He repeated the action again until he was able to calmly breath and think for a moment.

Paul sighed, “Let’s start this again. Liam, I don’t want anything bad for you, but it is my job to keep you boys safe and when things like these happen, I need to know why and who. Can you tell me if you know that boy?”

Liam nodded slowly.

“And he did hurt you on purpose, right?”

Liam nodded again.

“Do you know why?”

Liam nodded again.

“Can you tell us?”

Liam shook his head, pressing his eyes closed, breathing speeding up again. Louis couldn’t help himself, he took a seat on Liam’s other side and wrapped him in a tight hug. At first Liam flinched again, gasping in pain but then melted against Louis, tears falling down his face.

“Liam, please, we just want to help” this time Harry pleaded with him.

“What did he say to you?” Paul asked but didn’t receive any reaction or answer from Liam, so he said, “Can you give me his name? I am going to make sure he won’t be at the concert tonight, alright?”

Liam shook his head again this time.

“You can’t seriously want him there!” Zayn said loudly with a frown.

“Liam, come on, talk to us” Niall urged him again, but it made Liam only turn away from him, towards Louis and buried his face in the other’s shirt.

“We’ve got your back, Liam, we told you” Louis whispered softly and held him close. He had one arm around his upper back and let it fall down slowly, trying to rub comforting circles on his back. But instead of it helping Liam the boy flinched violently, gasped in pain, and moved away from Louis who seemed shocked, looking at the rest of the room.

“What the fuck” Zayn whispered as Paul finally has had enough.

“Liam, you are hurt. You are either showing us what’s wrong now or we are taking you to a doctor. Your choice, but I am not letting you on stage any other way” the man told him sternly. Liam shrunk in his seat, as he realised that there was no way out of this. He just couldn’t explain it. Maybe it was good if they knew what a disappointment, he was but he was embarrassed at the same time. He slowly nodded then and looked down at himself. He should probably take his shirt of and just show them but lifting his arms didn’t sound that good to him.

Paul asked him to take it off anyways, Louis went to help him when he saw that Liam struggled, “That okay?”

Liam closed his eyes when he heard the gasps go around the room as his shirt was lifted. Apparently, he did look worse than he had hoped.

“What the fuck happened to you!?“ Zayn almost screamed again as he walked closer, looking at Liam’s blue and black torso, back and chest, as well as the cuts on his sides.

“Was that the same guy?” Niall asked, while Louis wondered, “When did that happen?”

Liam held his arms protectively in front of him, trying to hide, but it was no use. Not having listened to most of the questions he just answered shakily, “Y-yesterday”

“What? When you were with your sisters?” Niall wondered again and Liam shook his head, “Ru cancelled, and Nicola had to leave early”

“Liam, we need more explanation” Paul sighed, “I’ll get a first aid kit for those cuts”

“It’s fine” Liam protested but it fell on death ears.

“Are you hurt anywhere else?” Louis asked and everyone saw how Liam hesitated so his little, “No” was ignored.

After being pushed and pressured a little more, Liam admitted under tears, “My knee hurts”

Louis sighed, “And that was so hard to tell us?”

Liam didn’t know how he ended up there, but he was sitting in only his underwear on the sofa, leaning against Louis while Paul took care of all the cuts and scrapes on his arms, legs, and torso. Meanwhile Zayn was holding an ice pack to his badly swollen knee as he tried to explain what had happened.

“It only hurts when I bend it all the way, it’s fine” Liam once again protested when the boys discussed, whether he needed to get his knee checked out.

“You lied, so you get no vote regarding your health” Louis just told him in a calm but stern voice, “Not until you tell us exactly what happened yesterday, after Nicola left”

“It’s just… I went for a walk; I was alone at home and… I mean it was my fault really. I knew I shouldn’t have, and I wasn’t paying attention. Usually I’m fast enough, you know, but I didn’t see them and…”

“Liam” Louis said with a shake of his head.

“Right, right, I just ran into Jason and Michael and I was alone and didn’t see them in time and I mean, you see the result. It’s not bad, I’ve had worse and it is my own fault. I was stupid” Liam explained.

“So… you are telling us that you ran into these two guys you know, and it was your fault that they beat you up?” Harry slowly repeated his words, “I do not understand how that even correlates. What makes you stupid in this story?”

“And how do you know them?” Louis added.

“School” Liam shrugged, “We don’t get along, well, they don’t like me, and I am kind of annoying and weird so really. It’s not that bad. I just… I’m sorry for the trouble. And then they showed up today. I didn’t know they would, but I know Jason’s sister and she’s great, so you can’t take their tickets away”

“That is messed up, Liam” Louis sighed, shaking his head in disappointment and Liam knew this would happen.

“You should have told us that yesterday” Harry told him as well.

“I’m sorry” Liam repeated again, seemingly growing more upset again.

“We are going to have a long discussion about this later, but your break is over” Paul interrupted their discussion, “The four of you back to the photos, Liam you are staying. You are getting that knee looked at whether you like it or not. And I’ll have Paddy find these two guys and take their tickets. We’ll find some solution for the girls, alright?”

Liam’s eyes widened in panic, “No! You can’t! Paul! No! They’ll kill me if they find out I told someone! You can’t!“

The boys were surprised at Liam’s slight outburst after he had been barely talking above a whisper before and seemed pretty calm even though he was upset. He pushed Louis away, who went to put a calming hand on his arm, but Liam sat up straighter, “You can’t talk to them! We are leaving here tonight anyways, and I won’t see them again for a while. This will just make it worse, please don’t”

“Can’t you throw them out without them knowing it’s because of Liam?” Harry asked Paul but Liam shook his head, “They’ll know, no matter what you tell them!”

Paul sighed, “We have some time until the show. We’ll talk about this later, alright. We don’t have the time now. You boys need to go. If anyone asks, Liam is poorly“

The four boys left the room under protests while Liam put his shirt back on and fished some shorts out of his bag. If someone needed to look at his knee this would make it easier. Paul was on the phone, meanwhile and asked for someone to check out Liam. He hated that apparently everyone would know soon that he was hurt. However, he was grateful that Paul didn’t go too much into details.

Not even twenty minutes later, the door opened and someone Liam had never seen before entered. He had no idea how they got a doctor that fast, but he took a look at his knee and the rather angry looking bruises once Paul told him about them. In the end his knee was heavily bruised and needed a few days of rest and icing before feeling better. He even prescribed him a bandage for his knee that Paul ordered one of the PA’s to get for him for after the concert.

Liam was tired once they were left alone and Paul sat down in front of him again, “Okay, you are going to take it easy tonight. No running, jumping, and messing around with Louis, alright?”

Liam nodded slowly.

“Paddy found these guys and made up some story about one of their ID’s being invalid. They called another parent to go in with the girls while the boys left. That problem solved itself more or less and they had no idea. They seemed happy to get out of the babysitting job so no need for you to worry, alright?”

Liam frowned at him but didn’t say anything.

“I’ll talk to the other boys when they are done with the fans and you just stay here until sound check, alright?” Paul stood up and squeezed the boy’s shoulder with a sad smile before leaving him alone. Once Liam was by himself in the dressing room again, he could feel all the panic he had held off. And this time neither of the boys was there to help him. It had happened only a few times before, but they had made him feel better. Especially Niall and Louis seemed to exactly know what he needed each time.

Zayn was the first one back from taking photos with fans and just wrapped a crying, struggling to breathe Liam in a tight hug, holding him close. Louis was next and sat on his other side, his arms around both boys. Harry and Niall came in last and piled on as well, making the hug into a big group hug. Louis was the one holding on the longest, once the rest had pulled away and asked, “How are you feeling?”

Liam just shook his head and said, “I’m sorry”

“Okay, new rule. You are not allowed to apologise again. Not ever” Niall said loudly, making Liam frown and the others chuckle.

“I’m okay. I’ve had so much worse. It is fine, really“ Liam tried to assure them but only made them more concerned.

“I kind of don’t want to ask, because I am scared of the answer, but did that happen before? Like them beating you up and what do you mean by worse?” Harry spoke up.

“Well, yeah, all the time” Liam shrugged, “I just didn’t have friends which made it easier for them. But that is my own fault. I mean, everyone already had friends when I finally started school. I couldn’t for a long time because of my kidney and stuff and even then, I was often out of school because I was sick, and I had less homework and stuff and… I don’t know. They didn’t like that. I get it. I am weird and I can’t expect anyone to like me like this. That’s just how it is, and it is a game for them. I guess it’s fun if it didn’t hurt me so much“

“Liam, luv, you… I don’t even know where to start. There is so much wrong with this“ Louis sighed and pulled him closer, hugging a confused Liam.

“What in all this is a game!?” Zayn asked.

“Uh… it’s kind of stupid…” Liam looked down at his hands, “They sometime decided it’d be fun to like kick me in the sides, to get my kidney, to see how much it can take before it fails, too. They don’t even know which one isn’t working, so most times they miss anyways. It scares me, though, because it really hurts”

“Liam, what the actual fuck!” Zayn jumped from his seat. The other boys couldn’t believe what they were hearing either.

“Why do you keep yelling at me?” Liam whimpered, having flinched at the harsh words. He hated it.

“I’m sorry” Zayn replied, “Really sorry for everything. It’s no wonder you didn’t want to tell us when these guys made a fucking game out of trying to kill you in the long run”

“They aren’t trying to kill me” Liam protested, “I am always fine, and I only was in the hospital twice!”

“Only twice” Niall repeated hollowly and the whole room just stared at Liam again as they didn’t even know how to react to that.

“I’m starting to get a headache from all your staring” Liam sighed, his hands coming up to rub at his temples.

“I think this is enough for now. We can talk about this later or tomorrow” Louis said, “We need to do sound check soon”

Everyone agreed and got ready for it. Liam just stayed in his shorts and shirt since they’d have to change afterwards to get on stage anyways. The boy grabbed the attention of the room when he stood up again, throwing the ice pack that had been on his knee on the sofa and went for the door.

“What are you doing? Your knee!” Niall called out, “You are supposed to rest“

“I’m fine, I can walk” Liam seemed a little annoyed at that, “I’ve been all day”

“Yeah, that’s kind of the problem” Harry said.

“I can walk”

“No”

“Yes! I swear to god if you guys start treating me differently, I’ll hurt all of you. I am fine!“ Liam protested now forcefully, he didn’t want the attention or help. He could walk, even if it were with a limp. He’d hid it before and now that he could show he was hurting, it made walking easier.

“No, running or jumping” Louis ordered as they followed him, “And you are sitting down for sound check”

“Fine, fine, just don’t talk about it, please” Liam sighed, agreeing to this. At least no one apart from a few people on the crew would see him limping around and sitting down while the rest was standing. The rest of the early evening went off without another hitch since they were busy, and Liam was able to hide his limp most of the time. When they all got dressed as usual, the girls that usually dressed them, gasped when they saw Liam. He had momentarily forgotten about how he looked and stumbled over his words, only claiming that he was fine again. Luckily, Zayn saved him, “Don’t worry, ladies, we’re taking care of Liam”

They met a little problem when Liam struggled to get the legs of his pants over his still very much swollen knee. His face was scrunched up in pain while he was pulling at his jeans and Niall said, “I don’t think that’s going to happen, Liam”

“It’s fine” Liam muttered and forcefully pulled, getting his jeans on finally, but everyone could see how tight the fabric was around his injured knee. Louis sighed, “Why are you forcing it?”

Liam just shrugged, “I like those jeans and it’s fine”

“It looks uncomfortable” Zayn commented.

“It is” Liam agreed, “But it doesn’t make it hurt worse”

Niall shook his head as Harry laughed. They were then rushed out of the room to their next stop. Somehow, they made it to the stage in time. The first song went well, but when Liam had to walk down the steep ramp, he realised that his knee was a little weak. The other boys were far ahead as he struggled to keep up, limping now more obvious. Louis noticed it first, that he wasn’t able to follow them and turned around to run back to him.

Meanwhile Harry and Niall laughed, and Zayn told the fans what was going on, “You guys must excuse Liam being a little slow tonight. He hurt his knee”

Louis stopped in front of him, leaned down and grabbed him around the waist, throwing him over his shoulder. Liam was screaming and protesting, but just ended up laughing as he was carried to the front of the stage, where he was supposed to be standing.

“That was totally unnecessary” Liam said into his microphone softly, glaring at Louis a little who was just laughing at him. What he didn’t realise was that the rest of the band saw his little comment as an invitation to push and pull him around the stage as much as they’d liked. Just grabbing him and carrying him wherever he was supposed to be before he could do so himself. At first, he laughed about it and it was kind of funny. The fans seemed to have fun as well and when he couldn’t perform like usual the least, he could do was entertain them. But after a few songs, it really started to hurt the bruises on his side and stomach whenever he was grabbed. He couldn’t help a groan when Zayn had grabbed him to help him up the stairs to the little platform.

“Ah, Zayn, stop, wait” he called out, hoping neither microphones picked it up. Zayn stopped and put him back on his feet and Liam leaned in, explaining, “It hurts when you guys grab me like that. My side”

Zayn’s eyes widened as he looked down at Liam’s torso, seemingly remembering the bruises and cuts now and nodded. Instead of carrying him, Zayn put his arm around Liam and supported him as he climbed the stairs himself, the other boys watching both confused and curiously. They both took their places between the rest of the boys and Zayn leaned over to Louis to tell him what was going before Louis told Niall who informed Harry. All of them were staring at Liam for a moment worriedly before carrying on, all while singing.

When only a few songs were left, the energy really left Liam and the pain of the last two days got to him. He just couldn’t keep up anymore and while the rest of the boys ran around the stage, he just sat down even when he was supposed to be at a complete different part of the stage at that point. Liam knew he was messing up, but his knee hurt. While he was singing, right hand holding his microphone his left cradled his knee, somehow thinking it could help ease the pain. The other boys came over every now and then but only Louis took a few moments to sit down next to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulder.

“How’re you doing?” Louis checked in with him and Liam shrugged. He didn’t feel like arguing that he was fine again because he really wasn’t feeling well. Louis frowned at him and got up again, disappearing behind the stage for a moment. He came back with an ice pack and took a seat next to Liam again. Then gently pulled Liam’s injured leg over his own and held the ice pack to the injured knee. Liam smiled thankfully at him, the ice really helped take the edge off and even though there was a little bit of embarrassment at this happening in the middle of a show, the boy didn’t care, he was too exhausted to do so. Louis sat with him during one more song, but then handed the pack over to Liam who nodded gratefully as Louis joined the other four again, running around and jumping up and down like they usually do.

During the last two songs Liam got back up again and limped to the middle of the stage, he really wanted to do these right, at least. He knew the boys were watching him closely when he followed them around, limping heavier with each step and once they were finally done, he started walking up the ramp a little earlier than the rest, knowing he was going to take more time. Liam didn’t see Louis sprinting towards him with a mischievous grin and therefore let out a surprised scream when his legs were grabbed, and he fell backwards into Louis’ arms who carried him up the rest of the way bridal style. The shock was written all over his face when he was set down at the top again, Louis having a steady hand on his back with the rest joining them.

“You scared me” Liam said, breathing heavily as they finally were backstage out of sight. Louis just chuckled, “You were never going to make it back up”

“Probably” Liam admitted, then apologised, “Sorry for messing up halfway through. I shouldn’t have sat down and kept going. Sorry for ruining-“

“We said you are not allowed to apologise anymore” Harry told him with a glare, “And you ruined nothing. You actually were really entertaining”

Paul met them and said, “You are going straight back to the bus, there are painkillers and ice waiting for your knee”

Liam groaned a little but complied, limping towards the dressing room to get changed. Paul just grabbed him mid-step, like Louis had before and carried him the rest of the way.

“Why can’t you people warn me when you do that?” Liam whined, feeling like he was going to have just another heart attack.

“Your face is the funniest thing when you are surprised” Niall chuckled, running up next to Paul.

Back in the dressing room, Liam actually openly groaned in pain when he tried to get out of his tight jeans. It felt horrible around his knee and the knee itself was a lot more swollen than before, the skin feeling tight. Louis grimaced at the sight, “I don’t want to be the one to say so… but we told you it was a bad idea”

Liam sent him a little glare but nodded, “You were right”

When they made their way to the bus, they often walked by gates where fans were gathered, trying to get their attention and be closer to them. Most times they stopped and signed some things or took pictures, but this time they had agreed not to. Liam was limping but insisted to walk on his own when people could see him, “The show was embarrassing enough in itself”

Niall and Zayn still walked on either of his side, hovering close. Louis was walking in front, leading the way but he stopped dead in his tracks as they passed another fan group. His face showed pure anger as he turned to Liam, asking, “Is that him?”

Liam looked at him confused, “What?”

Louis pointed to the group of fans and everyone immediately spotted the two boys from the photo earlier. Liam just stood there, not saying anything and that was enough for Zayn and Louis who immediately started to walk towards them. They didn’t get far though, Paul had a hand on each of their shoulders, warning them, “Not now, boys. I get it, but no!”

Zayn’s shoulders slumped, he knew Paul was right while Louis turned towards him furiously, “They hurt him!”

“I know, to the bus, now” Paul ordered, keeping his hand on Louis as he pushed the young boy forward. Harry and Niall had pulled Liam along to the bus already, they were waiting just outside the door. Louis put his arm around Liam’s shoulder and motioned for the others to get on first. Just as Liam stepped forward to get in, Louis turned around and looked directly at the two boys standing next to the fans and when he knew he had their attention, flipped them off.

“Damn it, Louis!” Paul grabbed him and turned him around with a glare, “You are in so much trouble”

Liam who had been focussing on getting inside the bus with a busted knee turned around with a frown, “Wha’?”

“Get in” Paul pushed them forward and quickly closed the door to the bus.

He told Liam, “Get some ice on that and sit down”

Then the man turned towards Louis, “What the hell did you think!?”

“I just wanted them to know what I think of them!” Louis shrugged, glaring back just as angry, “Because someone didn’t let me say it to their face!”

“What is going on?” Zayn asked stepping forward worriedly.

“Louis just thought it was fun to flip off the fans!”

“It wasn’t aimed at the fans!”

“Try and tell them and the damn paparazzi! You’ll have to explain yourself!” Paul told him with a disappointed shake of his head.

“Well, I will! You know what, that’s a great idea. Let’s tell the fans, they’ll take care of them for us!” Louis’ frown turned into an actual smile at his idea.

“No!” Liam complained from a little further in the bus, where he was sitting down with some ice.

“Louis, seriously, just stop for a moment” Harry sighed, “Just twitter something to explain it vaguely and calm down”

“I am more than calm” Louis glared at Harry.

Niall shook his head, “You are kind of aggressive and scary”

“Good, they should be scared” Louis shrugged, crossing his arms.

Zayn groaned, “Well, you are scaring Niall, Harry and Liam as well, so get out and calm down before coming back in!”

Louis’ eyes widened at that. He didn’t mean to; he just couldn’t stand such injustice and whenever one of the boys was in pain, he wanted to hurt whoever had done this to them. So, he nodded slowly, muttering, “Sorry” And left the bus to smoke and calm down.

“I’m calling dibs on the shower!” Harry called out and ran towards the back of the bus, past Liam. One after the other of the boys showered and they met back in the small living room area with the tv once they were done. Liam was the last one, since he hadn’t wanted to get up until he absolutely had to. Louis came back in soon after, seeming much more relaxed and less angry, announcing, “I twittered something, I hope it’s okay. Do you think it’ll upset Liam?”

Harry who had his phone in his hand already pulled it up and read it out loud, “Hey, to anyone who saw what I did after the concert, it was not directed at fans but to two people standing next to them. They hurt someone very close to me and I reacted. I’m sorry if anyone is offended by that, but you don’t hurt my family”

“No, it’s cute and no one will know it was about him” Niall said approvingly, with the other two agreeing with a smile. They once again pulled out some games, snacks and drinks and sat in a circle, waiting for Liam’s return to start. Instead Paul came back, with a little bag, “Where’s Liam? That’s the bandage the doctor told him to wear for the next few days”

“Shower” Zayn replied.

Paul nodded and gave them the bag, before leaving, “Make sure he wears it, alright? There are also some pain killers he’ll probably need and should take”

“I’m going to check if he needs help. He’s been in there forever” Louis sighed and got up to do so. He knocked on the bathroom door, when he couldn’t hear any more water running. At first there was no answer, but when he leaned closer, he could hear soft sniffles. Liam was obviously crying.

“Liam, I can hear you, let me in” he gently said, knocking more softly this time. Louis thought he wouldn’t get an answer again when nothing happened after a few seconds. While contemplating his next move, the lock suddenly turned, and the door opened just a slit.

“Liam, hey” he said, opening it further. Liam was leaning against the far wall, tears running down his face, wearing only some shorts and holding a shirt in his hands. The bruises and cuts on his upper body looked even more angry than that afternoon and Louis couldn’t help the grimace. He realised too late, that his reaction only made Liam cry harder.

Louis took a step forward, wanting to hug the upset band member but Liam flinched away from him violently, “D-don’t… don’t let me get used to this. I … I c-can’t do it”

“I just want to hug you” Louis explained, not really understanding Liam’s reasoning. But the other nodded, he knew that. Liam couldn’t help the heart-breaking sobs leaving him as he slowly let himself slide down to the floor while holding on to his hurting knee.

“Liam” Louis just said as he sat down in front of him as well, “Tell me why you are so upset”

Liam shook his head harshly.

“Then let me hug you at least. You are hurting and I want to help” Louis pleaded, he really didn’t like seeing this and he had no other idea on how to help.

“Can’t get used to it” Liam repeated, “It will be worse when I’m alone again. I can’t do that. I can’t. Once you make me leave it’ll be worse.”

Louis frowned, “Why the hell would we make you leave? We are a band!”

“You don’t like me” Liam sobbed, “I’m broken and weird and you need someone better and you are going to make me leave because I’m stupid”

“No, no, we won’t, Liam, never” Louis said, loudly, unable to keep himself from becoming emotional as well. He scooted forward and wrapped Liam in tight hug, whispering close to his ear, “You are not leaving, luv. You are our brother now, and family doesn’t leave each other. We love you and you can get used to our hugs all you want because we’ll stay.”

Liam didn’t really show any reaction and Louis wondered whether the other even believed him or not. Probably not. He just let the injured boy cry against his chest for a while, but his sobs grew more violently over time and Louis could hear the gasps that seemed to become hurtful.

“Liam, you need to breathe, slowly, you are okay. I’ve got you, luv” he softly said minutes later. The other didn’t breathe any easier for quite a while and Louis decided he had to call for Niall for help, “Lads! Niall, some help please”

Liam flinched at that, but Louis just pulled him closer until he had him almost fully sitting in his lap. Niall was next to them immediately, face and voice calm as he tried to get Liam’s attention. Zayn and Harry were watching with wide and scared eyes from a little farther away. Niall was kneeling in the doorstep since the space was too small for them all to fit. Louis watched intensely as Niall made Liam count slowly while telling him when to breathe in and when out. The blond also made him tell things he could see and hear and feel. Louis was surprised to hear his heartbeat in that list. It felt like for ever until Liam finally was breathing normally again, no frantic sobs, only little sniffles leaving him.

“Let’s get out of here, huh?” Niall asked softly and looked up at Louis once Liam nodded slowly. While Niall and the other two moved out of the way, Louis had his arm around a shaky Liam, supporting him as he stood up. When Liam limped heavily out of the small bathroom, Zayn mentioned, “Paul dropped some stuff off for your knee. You’re supposed to put that bandage thing on”

Liam nodded slowly as they made their way to the front of the bus and sat down in the nearest seat that was empty. Harry already was there, opening the bag and pulling out the box with the bandage.

“You want some ice for the swelling? There are also pain meds if you need them or want them. Paul actually said you are supposed to take them” Louis asked, already moving to get him anything he needed, but Liam shook his head.

“Are you sure? No ice or no meds?” Louis frowned.

“B-both” Liam croaked out, “M sorry”

“It’s okay, you don’t need to apologise” Niall assured him, sitting down next to him, while grabbing the bandage from Harry, “Can I put this on or do you want to do it yourself?”

Liam shrugged, so Niall quickly did it. The injured singer flinched a few times, when his knee was touched and grimaced, but when asked, “That alright or is it too tight or lose?” He shook his head. Liam bent his leg a few times, testing the feeling of the bandage but neither of the others could tell whether he liked it or not. Louis was leaning against the small counter of their little kitchen as he asked, “Liam, can we talk about what you said to me back there? Because it is not true and I think the boys need to tell you, too. I don’t think you believed me”

“M okay now, though” Liam protested, his eyes fixated on his knee where he had watched Niall adjust the bandage just a moment ago.

“You are not, and I don’t think you’ve been for a while” Harry replied, “We didn’t realise it, but now we know and we want to be there for you”

Liam shrugged. Louis sighed, “Let’s just all sit down and talk, alright? If it is too much to handle tell us, please. Don’t run away”

They all sat around the little table and Louis started to explain, “Liam doesn’t want us to hug him because he doesn’t want to get used to it. He thinks we will throw him out of the band because of everything that’s been going on. Apparently, we don’t like him because he is broken”

“Are you serious?” Zayn asked, eyes wide while Niall just turned to Liam again and hugged him from the side, cuddling against him. Harry looked like he wanted to cry. Louis threw his arm around Harry and squeezed his shoulder in comfort, “Of course I said it’s bullshit and that we love him and he’s like family but I think years of brainwashing from the other two assholes seem more reasonable to Liam”

“Louis” Liam looked up with pleading eyes. He didn’t like the way he was talked about and Louis was wrong, he hadn’t been brainwashed and Jason and Michael were good people, they just didn’t like him, “That’s not true”

Before Louis could argue about how he was more than right and Liam just thought he was wrong, Zayn spoke up, “Liam, why would you think we want you out of the band? We literally need you! You keep us all together and without you it wouldn’t be the same!”

“You don’t” Liam replied, “I’m making things harder for all of you. Louis got in trouble because of me”

“Louis got in trouble because he is stupid and feels more than he thinks” Harry laughed, “That’s his own fault. Paul told him not to do something and he still did it. These situations are exactly why we need you. You are our consciousness, the voice of reason!”

Liam frowned while Niall laughed, “Way to go way too deep. It’s true, though”

The blond was still pressed against Liam’s side, cuddling him as he did so and added, “Oh, by the way, Liam. First, we are not letting you out of this band ever again. Just so you know. And I am going to give you unlimited hugs all day every day from now on until you get used to it and know they won’t stop”

Liam tried to pull away at that, “No, that’s… no”

Louis interfered, “If you really don’t want to be touched, we’ll respect that, Liam, seriously. But if the only reason is that you don’t want to get used to it, like you told me, we’ll keep hugging you”

“Sometimes it freaks me out” Liam admitted, “I don’t know why. Just when I’m really anxious”

“Okay, tell us if that’s the case and we’ll keep our distance for a while” Zayn nodded, “Like when we started hurting you today on stage when we picked you up. That was good”

The others nodded respectively and even Liam didn’t frown at that, so they hoped he liked that suggestion. They were silent for a few moments until Harry called out, “Oh, we forgot to tell you. You were worried Lou was in trouble, right? Well, he tweeted something and I think that made up for it and he won’t get any problems”

“I hope you don’t mind. I don’t think anyone suspects that I am talking about you” Louis added as he showed Liam the tweet. Liam frowned as he read it but nodded slowly.

“Is something wrong with it?” Louis asked worriedly.

Liam shook his head, but the frown was still there together with his eyes showing pure confusion. Instead he glanced at the clock on Louis’ phone, stating, “W-we have a show tomorrow”

“Ah, right” Niall groaned, “We need more days off, I am already tired again and we just had a free day”

“Well, we didn’t exactly relax on our day off, so it wasn’t free time” Louis sighed, “We should go to bed”

“I’m beat” Zayn agreed, and they all slowly cleaned up a little, putting the games they didn’t play back and going to their bunks. All of them were asleep quickly.


	3. Three

Niall woke up in the early morning hours from a soft thud. Since he always slept with his bunk curtain open, he only had to turn around and saw that Liam’s curtain was drawn back and his bed empty. Immediately worried, Niall jumped down from his bunk. He had the one that was the highest up above Harry and Louis. While Liam was on the top bunk on the other side with Zayn below.

“Did I wake you?” Liam asked worriedly from the kitchen area. He was sitting in the same seat as before, hunched over a little while pressing an ice pack to his knee. Another one, already melted, was on the table in front of him with an opened blister of pain meds. Two were missing Niall noticed as he walked towards Liam, “What are you doing up?”

“Can’t sleep” Liam replied and only then the other noticed the lines of pain and dark spots beneath the singer’s eyes.

“How long have you been sitting here?” Niall wondered as he went to grab himself some water, “Your knee bothering you?”

Liam shrugged, “Like two hours or so, not only my knee. I’m really sore all over”

Niall realised that Liam had his left arm wrapped around his middle, as if he were hurting and trying not to curl up in pain, “Well, shit. You could’ve woken one of us”

“What for? You guys need to sleep” Liam shrugged, “M just waiting for the meds to work”

“Doesn’t seem like they work at all” Niall commented, sitting down next to him.

“Just took them” Liam replied.

“Why?”

“I hoped it would stop with just the ice. I don’t want to take unnecessary stuff because of my kidney. Only can take certain things, too. Just glad that those were the right kind” Liam nodded towards the box of pills. Niall frowned, he had never even thought about this and they all should know about it and decided he would do some research during the next few days, to inform himself and the rest of the boys.

“You can go back to sleep, Niall. I’ll go, too, in like twenty minutes or so” Liam offered.

“Nah, I’m awake now anyways. Wanna play a card game while we wait?” Niall grinned when Liam agreed and somehow the two of them forgot the time even though Liam was feeling a little better half an hour later. They were talking softly, trying not to wake the others up.

“Shit” Niall called out surprised when he heard the alarm from the back of the bus they had set to wake up in the morning. When the boys came out to get breakfast and found them in the middle of a game and saw the melted ice packs next to Liam, they were not happy.

“We have interviews all day, you are going to regret staying up” Louis told them concerned, “And the show tonight”

One hour before their first meeting that day, the tour bus opened and Paul entered, looking grimly, surprising them all during breakfast, “We need to talk”

“You guys have some stupid idiotic fans and then some really smart ones and they figured out who you flipped off last night. The video from the photo session was posted and they put one and one together and know they were responsible for Liam hurting his knee. I’ve been talking to your PR guys this morning and you’ll be asked about it during interviews today” he explained, “We need a plan. I have one”

“What?” Liam asked hollowly, “How?”

“They also found some things from when you guys were younger… on social media…” Paul added carefully.

“Fuck” Liam cursed and let his head fall to the table, not even caring about the pain it caused.

“Liam” Paul sighed, “That was really severe bullying”

“No, it ju-“ Liam’s protest died on his tongue when he got glared at by the band, “I’m sorry”

“Your parents have been trying to get in touch with you and when you didn’t answer they called me. We talked a little…” Paul said as well, “They told me a few things”

“Oh no” Liam muttered again, not even bothering to look up this time, hiding his head in his arms on the table, “If this is about the case, no, we are not doing that”

“We are, Liam. You are. You are getting that restraining order” Paul ordered, “It’s gone beyond the little school ground bully when he came out here to seek you out and hurt you. What makes you think he’ll stop trying to hurt you?”

“I don’t think so” Liam mumbled, “But I’m out of reach now. I’m not going back”

“You are not” Paul just said, “We’ve taken the necessary steps and a lawyer is already looking the case and evidence over. You should have done this years ago”

Liam sat up quickly and glared at Paul harshly, “You had no right to do that”

“You are not eighteen, yet. Your parents went through with it and they should have years ago. They didn’t only to respect your wishes” Paul told him with a stern voice. Liam stood up abruptly and walked to the back of the bus without saying another word but both Louis and Niall jumped up to follow him, knowing how upset he must be if he just left.

“Wait a moment, boys. Let him be alone while we go over the interviews. We don’t have long. The questions will be blocked in advance, but there’s always that one idiot that still asks” Paul said, “We have some statements written up just in case. Read them and try to answer as vague as possible and tell Liam as well. Maybe you guys can deflect a little and can take the pressure off of him”

Everyone grabbed one of the sheets Paul handed out and read them. Louis asked, “That all? Can we go now?”

“Fifteen minutes to the first interview” Paul nodded looking at his watch.

“That’s going to be tight” Niall’s eyes widened as they all hurried to get up, “We need to get ready”

Liam was sitting on Zayn’s bunk, desperately trying to get his skinny jeans over the bandage when they came to the back. He’d already changed his shirt when he gave up, taking off the bandage.

“No, just wear some shorts or wider clothes” Louis grabbed his hand to stop him.

“We are not allowed to, remember?” Liam sighed. They all had specific instructions on what they could wear during interviews and public appearances. Louis sighed, “We’ll stop by the girls’ trailer and ask what’s acceptable, just put on some shorts. They’ll figure it out”

Liam nodded slowly and Louis went with him, leaving while the rest of the boys were not even nearly ready. When they arrived at the room where the interview would be held, they already were half an hour late. Liam was wearing some dark sweatpants that somehow were fashionable enough while his own were not. The girls had fussed over him the whole time while trying to find the right clothes that were comfortable around his knee.

Instead of the odd one out asking blocked questions, every journalist asked about what had happened. They usually first scolded Louis for his gesture who practically repeated his tweet every time, not going into detail. Usually the next question would be about Liam hurting his knee and whether the two incidents were related. They blatantly lied at that, playing the injury off as clumsiness, and ignoring the connection to Louis’ earlier answer.

Liam was fully awake, afraid of the questions and on high alert the whole time while Niall had trouble staying awake during most of the morning. It made Liam feel bad since he was the reason the Irish boy had gotten so little sleep. Meanwhile one of the other three boys always had an arm around him. Louis always took it just that one step further, holding him tight against his chest and not letting go of him and Liam couldn’t help but relax into his friend, reeling in the touch of comfort. When they finally had their scheduled break, Liam went looking for his pain meds only to realise that he had left them back on the bus. It got worse when one of their assistants told them, “Since we are running behind schedule, you guys need to miss your lunch break and leave. You are having another radio interview in half an hour”

“Can we stop for food on the way?” Niall asked Paul with a whine, “We barely got any breakfast. I am dying”

Their tour manager and security guard sighed, glancing at his watch while they all piled into a car, “You’ll have to eat on the way. We could do a drive through”

The four boys cheered while Liam curled up in his seat, finally feeling the exhaustion creep up on him as the pain meds wore off. Zayn was next to him and pulled him away from the side of the car so he could lean against his shoulder, “You okay?”

Liam nodded, “Just tired”

“Only two more interviews” Harry told him.

“And sound check and the show and everything in between” Niall groaned.

“Maybe you can nap in between somewhere” Louis tried to find a solution, but they all knew there was no time left in their busy schedule. The door of the car opened, and a few bags filled with burgers and fries and a tray of drinks was given to them before they took off again. Liam grabbed himself just a few fries and one of the drinks, not having been interested in the food from the start. Neither of them had finished eating when the car rolled to a stop again. They all kept their drinks on them while Niall and Harry both took some food with them, still being hungry.

When they entered the studio, they all turned to Liam a little worried. It was set up so that the boys would be standing during the whole interview, three microphones in front of them with five headphones hanging over them. Liam didn’t let on at how worried he was. They were supposed to be there for twenty minutes at last and he was already hurting, feeling sore a lot. Instead of acknowledging this with the boys he just carried on like usual.

After the usual greetings, the two young men in their twenties, interviewing them, questioned Niall eating during the interview. and they all joked about how busy they were and didn’t have time to get anything else to eat that day. The usual questions followed, of which most of them were answered by Harry and Louis. Liam on the other hand was leaning on the table in front of them a little, trying to keep the weight of his knee that was throbbing now even if he didn’t move it. Niall had been to his right and Harry to his left with Louis and Zayn next to Harry, but Louis who had just answered another question had put the headphones down and forced Harry to switch places with him with a smirk. He threw his arm around Liam who looked at him in confusion.

“How are you holding up?” he whispered in Liam’s ear just as one of the interviewers asked why he had switched.

“Oh, you know, just chatting to Liam for a second. Zayn’s been a little quiet today”

“You are just loud” Zayn protested with a little wink, “I like Harry more anyways” Zayn grinned as he grabbed Harry possessively who called, “Woah, hold up”

Niall just laughed out loud and said, “We’ve been doing interviews all day, sorry for that”

“So, this little switch had nothing to do with last night?” the other interviewer now asked curiously looking at the boys. Louis gave his standard answer but was interrupted, “Well, we all saw what the fans found online, and it is obvious that you were talking about Liam”

Louis stopped talking and frowned, looking at the man with a glare, “Well, you didn’t let me finish talking, yet”

“What do you think about this, Liam? Can you clear all this up a little?”

Liam froze, he had been asked similar things before, but never this directly and abruptly.

“Louis already tried to explain you didn’t want to hear it” Zayn said instead, “We’ve answered these questions before”

“Not here, live on the radio and your fans are worried” now the other interviewer chimed in again, “And they want to hear from Liam. You were hurt, right?”

Liam nodded slowly, “Um, I hit my knee”

“How did that happen? These two boys from your school did this? Did they beat you up?”

Liam didn’t answer, just let his eyes drop to the floor as Louis said, “This is actually no one’s business. These questions are a little too personal right now”

The man went to pressure them again, but this time Liam said, “I’m not answering this. Either you ask other questions, or we are leaving. We have a busy schedule and can’t afford to waste time”

This time the interviewer relented and started to ask other questions that Niall and Zayn answered for the most part this time. A few minutes in, Louis leaned towards Liam again and whispered, “Are you okay?”

Liam shook his head slowly and Louis inquired, “What’s wrong?”

“My knee is killing me” Liam muttered just as Zayn interrupted, “Guys, we can hear you”

Louis groaned, realising that this time they both had been too close to the microphone, then took a step back, pulling Liam along. With the table not in front of him anymore to hold on Liam struggled, leaning on Louis heavily.

“Want to be rebellious once in your life and leave?” Louis whispered, just the hint of a mischievous glint in his eyes. Liam was over it and just nodded along. The two guys asking the questions were rude and he was in pain. And he also was tired of being the sensible one. Louis had his arm around him as he just walked out of there with Liam, neither of them looking back.

The interviewer saw this and said into his microphone, “You all can’t see this, but Liam and Louis just left. I think that confirms most of your theories”

The other three boys were angry, glaring at him. Zayn said, “We have repeatedly said we do not want to talk about this. We want to have at least a little privacy but since you can’t respect that and keep making assumptions about us, we are going to leave now. We won’t be coming back”

With that the other three followed their bandmates with Liam just sitting outside on a chair and Louis kneeling next to him, talking to him while Paul stood off to the side disappointedly shaking his head, “You can’t do this, boys”

“Well, we did” Harry glared at him as well now.

“How long do we have until the next interview? Can we stop back at the bus?” Louis asked after speaking to Liam softly and finally finding out that he had forgotten his pain meds. Paul frowned, “No, why? If you need something, I can send a PA to get it”

He then ushered them all back to the car to get them to the next location, another radio interview at the other end of the city. Liam was even more quiet and draw back than usual, only asking, once they were almost at their destination, “It’s going to be all over the internet, right?”

Louis nodded, “Probably. It already was, but now with more proof”

“I hate this part” Liam just said next before turning to look outside the window again. They were led into a small room this time and found a couch and an arm chair this time. Liam was relieved but it quickly vanished once the four other boys had gotten settled and there was barely, and room left. So, he sat down on the arm rest next to Zayn who wrapped his arm around Liam’s waist and pulled his injured leg up, making him turn a little, “How is that?”

“Better” Liam said with a soft smile, “Can’t wait to take this thing off” He tapped against the bandage, “Feels really tight now”

A young woman entered the room, introducing herself at that time, smiling at them sweetly before taking a seat opposite them.

“It probably swelled up again” Niall said, “You should ice it”

“Yeah, right, not the best time for it” Liam replied, joking a little as he glanced at the interviewer and the cameras in the room.

“Don’t let me stop you” the woman smiled at that with a soft chuckle, “If you are hurt you can’t help it”

“She’s right” Louis said, turning to Paul, “Do we have any more ice packs?”

While the search for some ice started the woman said quickly, “Before we start, I listened to your previous interview and I just want to clear this up front. I won’t ask any questions you don’t want unless you want to add something to the disastrous interview.”

The whole room smiled at that. Immediately some of the tension bled away and the boys relaxed a little more as Niall said, “Thank you!”

Zayn asked Liam, “You want to say anything or leave it as it is?”

Liam seemed torn. He knew that if they didn’t give them anything everyone would still be talking about it, but he didn’t feel like he could. He was barely able to talk to the boys and he trusted them, “I can’t… we should but I just…”

“Liam” Harry said, “This is not about what we should do, but about what you want. Do you want to?”

Liam shrugged, “I guess, but I can’t”

“We can, if you let us” Louis said and Liam looked at him for a moment, thinking.

“Just the basics, though… not so…”

“Graphic?” Harry supplied which made Liam flinch but nod.

“I think I know what you mean, Liam” Louis said, “I won’t go into detail”

Liam nodded and finally got his pain meds and an ice pack which Niall took from him, sitting next to Zayn and held it to his knee. Meanwhile the interviewer explained that she would do her interview as planned and would give Louis room at the end to clear things up. It really helped that this interview was more relaxed and laid back compared to the previous ones. The boys felt comfortable enough to joke and laugh and just talk without thinking too much.

“Well, thank you boys so much for this interview. We are through with my questions, but you wanted to say something, if I’m not mistaken” the interviewer started to lead towards the issue. Louis nodded at that, speaking up, “Yes, we are sure all of you saw our last interview, so we wanted to explain a few things. We weren’t going to say anything today, because it is our private lives and sometimes you need to deal with things on your own first before shouting them out into the world. But since that choice was taken from us, we are explaining it now. Well, I am. The thing is, Liam said before that he hadn’t been the most popular in school and we all know how school is. So, this weekend he got jumped by some of his old classmates that don’t like him very much, got hurt and I flipped them off when I saw them at our concert. There’s not much to it, apart from his knee still being a little messed up but he’s fine. That’s the story. I wasn’t happy about what happened and reacted poorly which upset some of the fans. We are taking steps to make sure this doesn’t happen again and that’s it”

Liam had been looking at him and nodded thankfully.

“Anything else to add? … No, well, that’s it then, thank you!” the interviewer ended the interview with a soft smile.

“Was that alright?” Louis asked Liam to be sure and only received another thankful nod as they all rose from the sofa.

“Did the meds finally kick in?” Niall asked when he saw Liam gasp in pain as he straightened his leg, “Shouldn’t it be feeling a little better by now?”

The blond turned to Paul, “That’s what the doctor said, didn’t he?”

“Yeah, I’m starting to think we need a second opinion” Paul sighed, “Let’s just get you back to the arena first and we’ll figure it out during sound check”

“I’m fine” Liam protested, “It will be fine in a few days, he said”

As it turned out, it was not going to be fine in a few days. Instead Paul organised for Liam to be brought to a clinic where another doctor checked him out, did some x-rays and other tests before giving him a brace and crutches with a higher dose of pain meds. It would be a few weeks until his knee would be healed, with two weeks on crutches at least. After having missed out on sound check, Liam was not back in time for the show.

Instead it was just four boys on stage during the first two songs, having to explain his absence once again. When Liam stumbled on to the stage still a little clumsy with his crutches just as the boys finished up the second song, Louis couldn’t help it, he called out, “What the fuck” loudly.

The whole arena then turned to look at Liam, as if they weren’t before. Liam took his time walking up to his mic stand, then put his mic in, before saying, “Sorry I’m late”

The boys were with him in seconds, all asking questions at the same time and hugging him. Liam had to physically push them away until they shut up, before saying for everyone to hear, “My knee is a little more messed up than we thought. I’ll be walking with these for at least two more weeks but it’s not like really bad, just a little worse than we thought before”

Neither of the boys were happy with that answer but took it for now, since they were literally on stage with thousands of eyes watching. They still put on a good show, Liam was a lot more mobile with the crutches than without and combined with the stability the brace gave him, it was a lot less painful. Though that might have been the higher dosed pain meds as well. Liam had trouble keeping his balance when going up the steep stairs but it was always someone there with a steadying hand on his back.

Halfway through the show Louis decided it was the funniest thing to grab Liam’s crutches and start hitting Niall which left Liam stranded in place. But he laughed at the other boys’ rough housing and having fun with Zayn standing back on the other side of the stage just shaking his head.

After the show Liam barely made it to the dressing room. While Niall had the chance to nap between sound check and the show, Liam had been up even longer than him and had no time to rest. He fell asleep halfway through getting undressed. He’d changed his pants but was still in his shirt as his head fell to the side as he passed out. Paul easily picked a half-asleep Liam up and carried him on his back once it was time to go to the bus. Niall and Harry each had one of his crutches and were still hitting each other, using them as swords and play fighting the whole way. This day the four of them stopped to meet the fans for a moment, Paul went ahead with Liam, but not before taking the crutches away from the others.

When they got on the bus, they found Liam in his bunk, tear tracks on his face and immediately worried again.

He assured them, though, “I’m okay, really this time. Just processing today… you know?”

They all got ready for bed then and while Harry and Zayn closed their curtains and fell asleep, Niall and Louis turned on their sides to talk to Liam over the little hallway.

“Tell us what you are processing” Louis asked him, the worry and curiosity both evident in his voice.

“Just a lot… “ Liam shrugged, “I’m so tired but awake at the same time”

“Yeah, me too, always after the shows” Niall commented.

“Today was just confusing, too” Liam explained, “I don’t know what to think or feel”

“That’s not necessarily a bad thing, it’s just showing that some things are changing” Louis told him, “You’ve been through a lot of shit and I think it’s only going to be better from now on. We are going to make sure of that”

Liam smiled a little sadly at that, “I wish I could just believe you when you say things like that, but I don’t”

“You will someday. We’ll prove it to you, and you will believe us” Louis was determined.

The next few days were hard for Liam. His parents and sisters were somewhere between extremely worried about and even more angry at him, when he finally returned one of their calls the next day. He ended up hanging up on all of them, crying quietly and alone in his bunk. Luckily, the boys were at the front of the bus, so he could just be alone with his feelings for a while. He couldn’t help the feeling that he was disappointing his family again. They were mad he hadn’t told them, but he also knew they were disappointed in him being weak again. It had been a while since they had seen him hurt by Jason and Michael and Liam felt, like all his hard work of running away and hiding any injuries was for nothing in the end.

When the singer finally had calmed down after his little emotional outburst, he texted his parents that he was sorry and would call them later again. He had no intention of doing so but he knew they were worried, and it would give him some more time.

Liam could hear the other boys laughing at the front of the bus and hated himself for wanting to be a part of it. He hated that somehow, he was starting to get used to having them around even if he had tried so hard not to get too close to them. Louis and all his hugs were definitely to blame for it. After talking to his siblings there was nothing that he wanted more than a hug from either of the boys. He desperately wanted to go to the front of the bus and demand a hug, after all they decided that they would hug him all the time but didn’t really follow through. He was alone at the moment at least and even if he had requested some privacy to talk to his family, he still blamed them. Liam knew it was wrong, but he couldn’t put any more blame on himself than he already was. A while later they had to get ready for some more interviews and their next show. Liam didn’t get the hug he wanted all afternoon and relished in the little hugs he got just before and during the show.

Interviews were overwhelming as well. It seemed that since they had shared the tiniest bit of his life, it was suddenly fair game to ask all possible invasive questions about how Jason and Michael had hurt him in the past. It all came together when it became public knowledge that his family was trying to get a restraining order against Jason, together with reports of his hospital visits and everything else. Neither of the boys knew about it until they were put on the spot in just another radio show. The host was not as rude as the last one, simply asking the questions as carefully as possible. Liam was still shocked, “What?”

“There was news about you trying to get a restraining ord-“

Zayn was the first to luckily shut down the question, “That’s something we can’t talk about right now”

The statement was enough for the host to move on to other questions, which they were all grateful for. At least some people can take a hint.

Harry who was sitting closest to Liam put an arm around his shoulder, asking, “You alright, mate?”

Liam who had gone just a few shades paler nodded slowly as he let his head drop a little, staring at his hands in his lap intensely. He had not been ready for something like this to happen. No one was supposed to know about this. He shrugged off Harry’s arm after a while, trying to signal the band that he was fine, and they seemed to believe him. On the inside however he felt like his world was crumbling down and there was nothing he could do. He’d kept this part of his life so sacredly secret and now everything was out in the open and he couldn’t stop it. Even though the interview was far from over he pulled out his phone, trying to find all possible information on twitter. And he didn’t even have to look far. It was all there. They knew about everything, even his messed-up kidneys.

Liam fought hard to keep his panic at bay. Sitting through the rest of the questions was torture and when it was finally over, he was the first out of his seat, grabbing the crutches he still had to rely on heavily. Paul fortunately caught on to his mood and led him to a private room with the rest of the band following closely. Liam leaned against the far wall, his eyes on the door. Louis tried to hug him the second the band was alone in the room, seeing him struggle to breathe again, but Liam pushed him away rather forcefully, gasping, “D-don’t”

Louis tried to argue, but Liam shook his head frantically, sinking to the ground with his crutches cluttering to the floor loudly. 

Niall held Louis back, silencing him while Zayn sat down in front of Liam, keeping his distance, and asked, “Is that one of the anxious times?”

Liam nodded quickly as tried to force himself to calm down. He couldn’t.

“Luv, you need to breathe” Louis followed Zayn’s example, staying close but not touching Liam. They were all worried when their usual tactics to calm Liam down didn’t work. Harry decided to try something new. He just started talking and didn’t stop. Liam somehow listened to his long and very confusing story and it distracted him enough from his panic so he could take a few deeper and calmer breaths. Once he did that, his heart finally settled down as well and after another few minutes of Harry talking, Liam let his head fall against the wall with a loud thud and closed eyes, seemingly relaying a little. The boys sat with him until he felt less shaky and when he was able to talk to them a little and explain that they knew about his kidney, they all got upset for him. No one touched him though for the rest of the day, trying to respect his personal space and give him time. While at first Liam was grateful, a few hours later he desperately craved a hug and the comfort of the band. He just didn’t know how to tell them that he wanted it. Liam was not ready to ask for things, not when he had to deal with this much overwhelming information as well. Two days later they were back to their normal everyday hugs.

When the dreadful article was released Liam was a mess. At first, he didn’t believe it, he thought his sisters were messing with him, a revenge for not telling them about his latest run in with Jason and Michael. Fortunately, the boys were on the bus, being driven to their next location when he hung up the phone and read the article he had been sent. Michael and Jason had gone to the press and given a few interviews. They were telling everyone that they had been bullied by him and the whole thing was an PR stunt made up by their management. All the evidence of Liam being bullied during school was faked and they were the real victims.

He closed the articles with tears already running down his face. He was alone in the back of the bus once again and couldn’t breathe. Still, he went on twitter to see what their fans had to say. Liam couldn’t read more than three or four comments. It was enough to send him in a full-blown panic attack again. Somehow, he managed to stumble out of his bunk and to the front of the bus, breathing heavily. The boys looked up when they saw him without his crutches and Liam just stopped for a moment, trying to control his breathing, as he gasped out, “I need someone to hug me”

It felt amazing to say this, to demand something and then receive it. He had never done this. His family didn’t hug, they were not very touchy at all and since he had no friends, he hadn’t realised that he could do this.

Louis was up first, wrapping him in a bone crushing hug as the rest of the boys followed slower, more gently and Liam couldn’t help the sobs that wracked his body as he clutched at Louis.

They just held him for a while as he cried, and Liam needed it. No one talked for the first few minutes, only Zayn suggested after a while, “We should sit down, his knee”

Louis nodded and while the others pulled back, he sat on their little sofa with Liam in his arms, not letting him go while the others settled down around them, staying close with Niall on Liam’s other side, cuddling up against him.

“What happened, Liam?” Harry asked after a little while, breaking the silence again.

Liam gasped out, “M-my phone” Niall went looking for it, finding it on the floor next to his bunk and gave it to Liam who opened up the article again and showed it to his band mates. He could feel Louis and Niall get tense, could feel their sharp intakes of air as well.

“S not true” Liam cried, “Don’ m-make me go. M s’rry”

“Liam, no, luv, oh god” Louis realised, “We know it’s not true. We know that! You are not going anywhere!”

He hugged Liam tighter against his chest as Zayn added, “What they are saying are lies, Liam, we know that”

“We will figure this out. They won’t get away with this, Li” Niall said to him softly, “We’ll figure this out and we are so proud of you for telling us. For asking for a hug when you needed us.”

“Yeah, luv, we’ve got you, just like we promised you” Louis said, smiling as he hugged him tighter for just a second, “But we really need you to take a few deep breaths now, Liam”

Niall repeated the usual phrases which helped calm their friend down. It worked, Liam became aware of his surroundings, managed to take some deep breaths but couldn’t help the occasional tears still escaping him. He didn’t let go of Louis though and when Niall tried to move away, he flinched, letting Niall know that he wasn’t ready yet to stop the hug.

“T-the fans believe them… what do I do? T-they hate me even more” Liam said slowly, voice still shaking.

“We tell the truth. We call them out and remind everyone of the evidence and the still pending restraining order” Harry replied, “But we need to speak about it to clear it up”

The other three boys agreed while Liam stayed silent. He couldn't do this; he was too weak and scared and he didn't even know what to say.

"Do you guys think we can go on twitter and tell them what we think?" Louis wondered, "I really want to tell these guys what fucking assholes they are"

"I'm in" Zayn said, "I've wanted to ever since they busted your knee, Liam"

"Same" Niall agreed while Harry sighed, "I never know what to say"

"Would that be okay, Liam? Is anything off limits or can we vent our anger away?" Louis asked Liam who just shrugged, "Don't care anymore. It doesn't matter"

"It does, Liam, it does matter" Niall protested, "What's going on is not fair and I wish you were angrier about it. They keep hurting you and that's just not okay"

"I'm sorry I'm not angry" Liam apologised, a fresh set of tears rolling down his cheek, "I'm just scared"

"Of what, luv?" Louis asked worriedly.

"They'll get me again and I can't stop them" Liam explained slowly, "Last time I fought back, when it was only one of them… he came back with three friends and there's always at least two of them and I'm too weak, I'm sorry"

“You are the opposite of weak” Zayn said, “And it never was a fair fight, anyways, the way they did this. We won’t let them get to you, Liam”

“You can’t promise that” Liam protested, but flinched at his own words, mumbling immediately, “S-sorry”

“Someone pass me my phone” Louis sighed, seeing Liam apologise unnecessarily again, “I’m going on a rant, just to warn you”

Harry threw him his phone from the table where the group had been sitting at before and Louis caught it with his right hand, still holding on to Liam with his left. Zayn and Niall followed his lead, all of them staring at their phones intensely as they typed away while Harry just watched. He never really like doing things like this and he was bad at typing out his feelings or writing them down, he’d much rather just talk about it. Liam, who was still seemingly upset, settled for cuddling against Louis’ chest, resting his head on it, and listening to the boy’s heartbeat. When he realised, he had Louis’ phone screen within his sight, he closed his eyes. He didn’t want to read anything. It was silent in the room for a few minutes. Louis was on is phone the longest as his face also showed the most anger. His voice however was soft when he was finally done, “Alright, that’s done, so let’s come back to this in a few hours. Let’s do something fun”

“There’s not that much fun to do when we are trapped on this bus” Zayn replied with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m tired of watching tv and card games” Niall whined, “How long is it until we stop the next time?”

“We could play that new game Harry got for the play station” Louis suggested, “Or we could ask for a break and make a run” Louis was smirking widely as he suggested the second option and neither of the others knew if it was a joke or not.

“Where would we run to? We don’t even know where we are!” Harry protested, but Louis countered, “That is the fun part about it”

Somehow Louis convinced them to call Paul and ask for them to stop for a little food run. Liam had been quiet through the whole discussion. He didn’t want to ruin the fun, so he let the boys do whatever they wanted. When he didn’t get up with them, they all stopped, though.

“You coming, Liam?” Zayn asked with a concerned glance back to the others. They hadn’t checked with Liam to make sure he was on board and they knew better by now. Liam opened his mouth to explain but he was struggling with his words, scared of the others’ reactions.

“Liam, just tell us what you are thinking” Harry encouraged him slowly, “We won’t get mad, we are not them, okay?”

“M-my knee… I just… can’t run but I d-don’t want to ruin it” Liam didn’t look at them as he mumbled this.

“Ah, right, damn, I forgot about that” Louis cursed, but quickly shrugged, “Well, you can still join in on the fun, come on”

Louis ended up carrying Liam on his back off the bus with Paul frowning at them, already waiting for them outside. When asked what was wrong and what the need was for them to stop, Niall walked up to them and told him the truth, “We got bored and decided to make a run for it!”

They had stopped at a rest stop on the side of the road. It seemed like they were in the middle of nowhere apart from the little shop and gas station. Before Paul could realise what was happening, the four of them started running towards the hills of grass behind them. They were screaming, pushing each other as they ran around. Paul and Paddy were following them with grim faces as they just ran into open fields. Their security guards were not actively trying to catch them, deciding to let them go wild for a few minutes, but when the boys didn’t calm down and their tightly kept schedule was getting even tighter, they called for them to stop. In the meantime, Niall had made his way onto Zayn’s shoulder and he was fighting Liam who was on top of Louis. They didn’t listen as Harry was next to them, steadying them when it looked like one was going to fall and cheering them on.

Paul and Paddy had enough, they sneaked up on the boys when they didn’t listen and managed to grab Harry who had his back to them. Meanwhile Zayn and Louis started running again, trying to flee, but Zayn tripped, sending Niall and himself flying into the grass, where they stayed, laughing loudly. They were brought back to the bus by Paddy as Paul went to get Louis and Liam who had run off quite far, but were now both sitting down in the field, laughing as well.

“Alright boys, the show is over, we need to get going now” the man called out with a frown.

“It just started to be fun, though” Louis protested, his smile wide as he just stayed where he was. Paul just grabbed him and pulled him in to a standing position, pushing him towards the direction of the bus before helping Liam up with who he was a lot more gently.

“I can walk on my own” Liam pushed the man away as he tried to help him.

“No, you can’t! You said so yourself on the bus!” Louis shook his head with a disbelieving look on his face, “Why do you insist on being so independent all the time?”

Liam ducked his head just as Paul decided to pick Liam up, “I’ve had enough with you boys today, you are going back on the bus now”

“Fine, fine, I’m going” Louis held up his hands in defence as they walked back to the bus. Niall and Zayn were sitting on the steps of the bus, already having some food in their hands from the little shop just a few feet away.

“We got food!” Niall called once they were within earshot.

Harry who was leaning on to the side of the bus smiled widely, holding up a drink, “And milkshakes!”

“Oh man, I’m starving” Louis smiled widely as he took off in a sprint again. He had already downed half his sandwich when Liam and Paul joined them just moments later.

“Back inside, boys, we need to get going now. We are behind schedule because of your little stunt” Paul seemed a little pissed as he ushered them all inside despite their protests. They all laughed when they fell down in their seats and the bus started rolling again.

“That was fun” Zayn laughed, “You are crazy, Lou”

Liam who was sitting at the window with Harry and Niall next to him, squeezed into a tight row, was leaning against the table as he asked, “Can someone get my knee-thing?”

“You are not wearing it?” Louis scowled in surprised, looking at Liam sharply who shrunk in his seat immediately, apologising again.

“Why would you do that?” Harry asked with wide eyes.

“I took it off when I was in the shower and then I wanted to put it back on after I talked to my sisters but then things happened, and I forgot. I just realised because it hurts” Liam tried to explain, he looked close to crying again and Louis’ expression immediately melted at that. He got up and went to Liam’s bunk to get it, shouting to the front, “You want some pain meds as well?”

He didn’t hear an answer so asked again, this time Niall yelled back, “He said no but I think he means yes!”

Louis frowned, muttering a soft, “What the fuck”

He could see Liam grimace when he came back. It eased a little once he had more stability through the brace, but it was still there, and everyone knew his knee was still bothering him a lot. Meanwhile Zayn had been on his phone and piped up, “I think our tweets helped. I mean, they are pretty divided now, but we have more on our side now than on theirs. If we talk about it in an interview a few times and once that restraining order is through, we’ll be okay, I think”

He turned to Liam, “You want to see what we said?”

Liam just shook his head, “I wish I could just delete the whole Internet off my phone”

“It would be enough to just delete the app, probably, which you totally can” Harry replied.

“Management would kill me, Simon as well” Liam just laughed hollowly, “I already asked once, and they’ll be mad enough about us being late again, today”

“That’s the fault of all of us, why would they be mad at you?” Niall asked.

“They always call me when you guys do something stupid. They want me to stop you like when I tried to stop you from destroying these plates” Liam explained with a shrug, “Simon told me in the beginning, because I had more experience, that I need to keep you in line and today I failed again”

“That is so fucking messed up” Harry replied, “We didn’t even know, and shouldn’t that be Louis’ job? He is the oldest!”

“They saw how fucked up I am and just decided not to, probably” Louis laughed, “But still, they should be telling us off for being stupid not you for not stopping us”

“Don’t make a thing out of this” Liam said, “It’s fine, I know I am more boring than you guys, so it was the obvious choice, it’s okay”

“Not if you are getting yelled at” Zayn told him, “But we’ll drop it for now, alright?”

Liam nodded thankfully, “Can we do something now? Like play video games or anything really?”

With that the five boys ended up curled up in front of the tv with Harry and Zayn playing the game first while the rest watched. Liam was in the middle between Louis and Niall again and he didn’t shy away from leaning against them, cuddling close to get a hug out of them. He needed their comfort when his mind wandered, not being occupied by the game enough and it scared him. But by now he knew that neither of the boys minded hugging him.

They ended up being late for their next show. Sound check was cut short as they were late, a little interview was thrown in just before the show where they only had time to answer a few basic questions and then they were on stage.


	4. Four

A few shows later, they had a break in their touring schedule to attend various events and award shows. Instead of some much-needed time off, their time was filled with interviews and radio shows once again. They all dreaded this since they had yet to speak out about any of the situation concerning Liam. Instead of doing something, the band had put it off after their tweets had put out the immediate fire. Their management had been furious with them for not letting them handle this but were happy about all the PR it got them. They were talked about a lot and that was good, apparently. Liam had been doing good during the last few shows ever since the article came out. It seemed like he was having more fun, he talked to the boys when he got nervous and anxious but never let it spiral into a panic attack. Him and Louis talked a lot, they had a lot more in common than they’d realised in the beginning, but he did get on well with the rest of the band as well. It was just weird that the one person he was so scared of in the beginning ended up being his safe person. The one that got him the most, that understood when everything became too overwhelming and knew how to help him the most.

After their last show of that tour leg had been over, they got barely time to shower and get changed before being put on a plane to New York. Instead of the much-needed rest they wanted they were bombarded by fans and paparazzi at the airport and even on the plane were quite some people that wanted pictures of them. In New York they were driven straight from the airport to the first radio show.

Without any time to get food, Niall and Harry were complaining horribly while the other three just were tired. Liam managed to convince their driver to make a little stop at a drive through to feed them while still making sure they’d be on time for the show. Niall hugged him dramatically, “I love you Liam! You are the best!”

After their first live radio show a few pre-recorded interviews followed and they all were relaxing as no questions were asked about Liam’s situation per their request. Once they only had two more radio shows left that afternoon, Louis took Liam to the side for a quiet moment.

“Hey, how are you holding up?” he asked, checking in with Liam.

“I’m okay, just really exhausted” Liam told him, “Just happy there were no rude hosts like last time”

“Yeah, me too… I was just thinking that maybe we should let them ask these questions now… clear the air a little” Louis suggested carefully. Liam’s face turned in to a slight frown and he sighed, but nodded, “I know… I think so, too, but I don’t know what to say or how to explain things. I barely know what’s going on with me, how am I supposed to explain it?”

“Just be honest, Liam, don’t put on a front like you always do in interviews. Let your walls down and be real” Louis shrugged, “Don’t think too much”

“I can’t” Liam admitted, looking upset now, “I’ll just panic again, and they’ll think I’m a freak!”

“Liam, luv, no” Louis sighed, “You won’t, you’ve been doing so well”

Liam shook his head at that, “I’ve been feeling on edge the whole day”

“Maybe that just shows that it’s time. It’s all out there, you just have to confirm and deny things” Louis replied, “And we’ll be with you, the whole time. We can step in and stop it or take over if you think like you can’t do it”

“Lou” Liam looked at his friend pleadingly still shaking his head slowly.

“We can do this for you, Liam and we will gladly do this, but I think this is a step you should take, not us”

“I can’t, yet” Liam shook his head, “I’m sorry. I know I’m being stupid and selfish and I’m letting everyone down”

“Stop that, Liam” Louis looked at him in disappointment, “You are not allowed to say those things about you. If you are not ready, then you are not ready. Whether I like that or not.”

Louis hugged Liam briefly, “I’m proud that you feel safe enough to tell me no, you know? Let’s go or we’ll be late, and Paul will hurt us this time, probably”

Liam chuckled a little at that, but he followed Louis gladly, relieved that this discussion was over. The host asked questions whether they liked it or not. She addressed Liam directly, talking about how people get bullied and how scared victims are and then summarised the article that had sent Liam in a panic attack a while back. Then she asked, “So do you really think you were bullied or is it true what they are saying and you are playing with the fans and are making this up for the PR? And since you have not addressed any of this when it happened, a lot of people think you are lying. Why haven’t you said anything?”

Liam had trouble following along the long question, panic rising in his chest. He knew he was getting pale again as he looked over to Louis, knowing that this was it. Either he said something, or they’d deem him a liar.

Zayn started talking, seeing the panic in Liam’s face, stating that the article was wrong, and that Liam just didn’t feel ready to talk yet.

“Well, what is so hard about it? Why didn’t he just send a tweet like the rest of you guys did?” the host shrugged flippantly, looking at Liam expectantly.

Liam couldn’t help it, he really disliked her and snapped, “Maybe because I was busy having panic attacks”

“Yeah, right, so why not after?” the woman in front of them almost chuckled at that.

“You know what?” Louis now chimed in, as all the boys sent glares her way while Liam just sat there sad, “Fuck you. You have no idea what we all have gone through the last few weeks, especially Liam and we are not listening to you insulting us, Liam, like that”

Zayn whispered to Louis with wide eyes, “Management will kill us if we leave another interview”

He hoped no one could hear it, but when the woman tried to inquire why, he knew he had said the wrong thing. They were in so much trouble.

Liam got up from his seat slowly, shaking his head, “I told you guys, I can’t do this. It’s not worth it, I’m making everything worse, you need to let me go”

He quickly left the room leaving the boys shocked in their seats. Zayn got up as well, and told the other boys, “I’ll go check on Li. Do something to make this right”

“Fuck” Louis said angrily, turning back to the woman who now seemed a little taken back, “Do you have any idea what you’ve done!?”

“Yes, I asked perfectly valid questions” she shrugged again.

“I really don’t know what all of you guys and the fans want Liam to say!?” Niall called out angrily, “You all saw the things that were posted about him, the records from the hospital, about what they did to him. Liam never wanted anyone to know, hell, we didn’t know for a long time that they made his life hell and that was why he was so quiet, scared of us at times. He doesn’t want to talk about it because it is hard to deal with itself. What makes you think you are entitled to hear him talk about some of the worst things that happened to him?”

“Because there are also voices explaining how it was faked” the woman said, “We can’t be sure it wasn’t orchestrated by your management”

“That’s bullshit and you know it. The police and hospital confirmed that their records were hacked back when it happened, we talked about it. You all saw how fucked up his knee was the day after he went home while the other two didn’t even have a scratch. You saw one of them hurt him when we took photos with our fans” Niall continued, “This is not fair”

“People like you are the reason he is too scared to say anything” Louis added slowly, a little less angry, “He still thinks we will throw him out of the band because we’ll grow tired of him and beat him up. The past week was the longest he’s gone without having a panic attack ever since we started this band and that run is probably over now, thanks to you. He still thinks he deserves what happened even though he never did anything wrong and we’ve been trying to convince him otherwise but when there is an army of so called fans attacking him for things he never wanted anyone to know in the first place, he’ll probably never believe us”

“We don’t consider those people fans by the way” Harry added, “We don’t want you at our shows if you don’t support Liam or believe us”

Louis nodded, glaring at the woman again as he stood up, “Is that enough or do you need Liam here to have a panic attack again and confirm what we said? You happy now?”

“I have one more question” she said loudly, looking down at her notes.

“She really has the nerve!?” Niall asked, jumping up, as she continued, “Why did he never try to get a restraining order before if it was this bad?”

“Fucking hell” Louis just cursed, walking off with a shake of his head, “I’m done. I’ll check on Z and Liam”

“We literally just told you that Liam thinks he is in the wrong, that he deserved it which he didn’t. After they beat him up before our show our security guard wanted to throw them out, not let them attend the concert but Liam tried to protect them, telling us it was his fault for being weird and it’s not their fault that they didn’t like him” Harry explained, “It was rather disturbing to listen to. I don’t go around and beat up the people I don’t like but to Liam that seemed okay”

“He is a little fucked up, isn’t he?” the woman asked with a frown after hearing this. Harry couldn’t decide whether she was believing them now or not. Before he could think too much about it, Niall pulled him up, saying to the woman, “You are a horrible person”

The both of them left the room to find Zayn just coming out of the bathroom down the hall, looking worried. He asked Paul to get them some water as they all filed back into the room.

“You have one more interview!” Paul called after them but was ignored.

“He passed out” Louis words made them all freeze in fear. They never heard Louis sound this scared as from where he was on the floor in the corner of the room with Liam in his lap. It could seem like he was asleep safe for the red rimmed eyes and tear tracks on his face. He was pale with red blotches on his face but seemed to be breathing calmly. Niall was on the floor within seconds, looking Liam over, before saying, “I think he’s okay, just sleeping now”

“I didn’t think it could get worse” Louis pressed out, looking close to tears himself, “This was bad”

“I tried to help, but he wouldn’t calm down” Zayn said as well dropping down to sit next to Louis as well, his head resting on Louis’ shoulder. Harry had tears rolling down his face as well, as he sat in front of Zayn who pulled him in a hug.

“It’s just not fair” the youngest cried, “Liam doesn’t deserve this”

They sat in the room for over half an hour when the door opened and Paul entered, “We need to get you to that interview!”

“Fuck off” Louis just said, “We are having a collective breakdown”

In the end Paul convinced Zayn, Niall, and Harry to go to the interview while Louis and Liam stayed back. The male of the two hosts of this radio show said surprised, “We didn’t think you guys would show. Everyone heard what happened at your last interview”

“Yeah, not really in our hands, so we are only half an hour late. We are not allowed to just not show up” Niall explained with a tired shrug, “Apparently it is not an excuse if the band is having a collective breakdown. Louis’ words, not mine”

“Please no more heavy questions, today, okay?” Harry asked a little jokingly into the microphone but sent a pleading look to the female radio show host who nodded, sincerely, “Of course. You had a long day; we can see that. How about we talk about your tour? You just finished-“

The interview was relaxed and the questions easy and light-hearted and luckily over quickly. When they were finished, the woman stood up with them, “You boys look exhausted, let me hug you and give the other boys one from us as well”

Once they made it to the hotel where Liam and Louis already were, Paul led them to Louis’ room instead of their own.

Louis was sitting in the middle of the sofa with Liam’s legs over his lap, as the boy was leaning against the arm rest, wearing only shorts and a hoodie which seemed to swallow him up completely. Louis was holding an ice pack once again to Liam’s knee while two cups of tea were in front of them along with Liam’s heavy pain meds.

The oldest band member looked up when they entered, he seemed tired as he asked them to be quiet in a whisper.

“What’s wrong?” Zayn whispered back.

“He twisted his knee when he left the room earlier and woke up with a really bad headache” Louis explained.

Liam whimpered in pain at their voices, shifting a little in place, he was awake but obviously not feeling good.

“How did it go?” Louis whispered even softer now.

“They were nice, it was good, just talked about the tour and music” Niall explained as they all sat down around the room.

“Today was bad” Zayn sighed, “I hate this part of our lives”

They sat around in silence, just occasionally exchanging a few words, hoping Liam would feel a little better in a while, but he didn’t. Instead, just about an hour later, Liam jumped up, bolting towards the bathroom and threw up violently from the pain. Zayn who could handle things like these the most sat with him in the bathroom for a while, waiting until he didn’t feel as nauseous anymore. Meanwhile Louis had taken to making more tea as Harry and Niall tried to figure a way out of their responsibilities that evening. They were supposed to be at a talk show that night but there was no way they could pull this off. Paul dropped off their dinner a while later, Liam had just joined them back on the sofa again and informed them that they had an hour and a half before they had to leave and there was no way out of it. Liam was barely conscious when Louis told him to get changed. His headache was still tormenting him once they left the hotel and it was obvious on his face and all of the boys spent an unusual long time in make-up as they were all exhausted and had been crying that day.

It was hard for them to play their usual personas and they felt bad when they realised just how bad of an actor they each were. Especially Liam felt guilty, he barely could keep his eyes open with the bright studio lights shining down on them and he just couldn’t comprehend the words being said. The moment his name fell he frowned; he had not been able to follow the question. Zayn nudged him and whispered obviously, “We are talking about favourite songs of the album”

Liam tried to smile but judging by his band mate’s reaction they knew it was more of a grimace and his rough sounding voice didn’t help either, “Right, sorry, mine is…”

Fortunately, he wasn’t asked anything directly anymore and could focus on staying conscious during the rest of the show. When they were done and the cameras were off, Liam let himself sink down in his seat exhaustedly, not caring about the little audience that was watching them. The boys were crowding him immediately.

“Come on, let’s go backstage” Zayn softly said, pulling him up gently. He kept his arm around him as he limped backwards where he had left his crutches in the beginning. He didn’t like being seen with them during interviews so he just left them backstage or in the other room most of the times, feeling like his knee should be able to take the few steps despite his bandmates’ protests.

“We are bringing you back to the hotel. You’ll have about four hours before we’ll wake you for your flight to LA” Paul informed them as he led them through the hallways. The statement was followed by loud groans and protests as Louis said, “We can’t keep going like this”

“We need to have some days off, some time, don’t we?” Niall asked with a tired yawn when he spotted the car, “We need to call someone and ask”

“Definitely will call someone later” Louis promised, as they climbed into the car. Once the door closed behind them they all felt a little more relieved, shoulders not as tense and leaning back in their seat relaxed, apart from Liam who was just trying to keep it together, both hands up on his temple, trying to ease the headache. Back in the elevator of the hotel Harry asked Louis, “Can I stay with you? I don’t want to be alone tonight”

“Me too” Niall jumped aboard, “I don’t like being alone at all”

Louis laughed a little, “Sure, sure, everyone is welcome. Let’s just make this a sleepover already. I’m used to my bed being full of little siblings”

They all got showered and changed in their rooms, packed up their things for the next morning before appearing in Louis’ room. They all cuddled up in Louis’ bed and while Liam who had still struggled with his headache now dosed up on pain meds was the first to fall asleep, the others weren’t far behind. Morning came fast and harshly. While they all had slept deeply through the few hours of sleep they got, neither of them was nearly well rested. Niall and Zayn complained about a headache as well, while Liam said he was feeling slightly better. On the other hand, Louis was exhausted, while Harry was pale and explained he was just feeling nauseous. The plane ride was even more exhausting than usual, all feeling too unwell to really fall back asleep or rest.

Louis had been on the phone all morning and had no luck in figuring out when they could possibly get more than a day off before the end of the year. Their time in LA was just as tiring and exhausting as New York. They were at some award shows, won some things and did tons of interviews again. After another overnight flight they were back on stage somewhere in Europe.

Since they didn’t have to do many interviews and the boys stayed off social media most times, everything had calmed down a little. They were able to enjoy performing while Liam finally had the time to give his knee the much-needed rest it had demanded.

It was almost a month later when Liam managed to get them six days off in a row. He had argued with their team, had arranged some things to be pulled ahead, rescheduled some other things, and slowly but steadily made room for them. While they all wanted to go home to see their families, they also wanted to spend some time as a group, to just enjoy being around each other instead of having to work all the time. The band agreed to go home for three days and spend the remaining part of their free time together, going on holiday.

At the airport, the boys were almost sad, when they all had to go to a different direction to get home. They hugged each other long and tight before going their own way to get home. While they all had looked forward to spending time alone, Liam couldn’t help the dread that made his stomach uneasy. The last time he had been home had ended in the whole tirade of his private life being outed to the world and he couldn’t let that happen again. His sisters had promised to pick him up from the airport and to spend the first day home with him while his parents still had to work. Ruth had taken a day off while Nicola had gotten a sitter to watch her kids. It made him feel embarrassed, knowing why they did that.

His stomach sunk when the first thing his younger sister said was, “The asshole is here, we saw him out front”

“What?” Liam asked, paling, “Why?”

“What do you think why!?” Nicola seemed a little angry, as she pushed him forward so they could make their way out of the airport. Liam kept his head down the whole time, not wanting to see anyone and not wanting to be seen. He could hear Jason yelling his name, calling him a lot of awful names as well, trying to get his attention, but Liam ignored him, almost falling into a run as his sisters led him to their car. Liam knew he wouldn’t hurt him openly like this, not with his family around.

“I can’t believe this guy!” Nicola called out once they were inside her car as she started it, “What did he think would happen?”

“I don’t know. Fucking stupid kid” Ruth nodded, turning around to Liam in the back of the car, “So, how was the tour?”

“It was okay, just really exhausting” Liam replied slowly, trying to calm his heartbeat back down. It was scary hearing Jason in the airport, knowing that he was only there to get his attention. At the same time, he was glad it hadn’t been Michael and Andy as well. Three of them would have been worse.

“How are the boys? You get along with them better than the people at school, right?” Nicola asked and Liam just nodded. He was not in the mood to talk about it. His sisters never understood this. They were always popular and had more than enough friends. When he didn’t talk much himself, his sisters went on to tell him everything that had been going on in their hometown and their family while he was gone. They were talking and catching up for the rest of the afternoon until his parents came home and they had dinner together. It felt nice being home in his own house, his bedroom and his bed while at the same time he felt like a stranger when he realised that his mother had rearranged some things in the kitchen and he couldn’t find his favourite cup for tea.

After having talked to his parents for a while and cleaning up after dinner, Liam was just getting ready for bed when the doorbell rang. Liam frowned as he walked out of his room to the top of the stairs. His father was at the door and he sounded tired.

“He’s already asleep!”

“Jason saw him at the airport. I just want to talk” Michael’s voice sounded, “Look, it was not me, it was Jason, I just want to talk”

Liam couldn’t help the confusion that overcame him, Michael seemed sincere, as he walked back to his room. When he walked in, he caught some movement on the street outside his window. He came closer and saw Jason and Andy, another friend of them, hiding beneath the shadow of their neighbour’s tree. Of course, Michael had not come alone.

“Liam come here for a moment” his father called him.

Liam did as told, walking halfway down the stairs until he could see Michael who smirked at him as his father asked, “You want to talk to Michael, he says, he wants to apologise”

Michael nodded, “Yeah, I just want to talk, would you like to go for a walk?”

Liam frowned, “Jason and Andy are waiting outside”

Without waiting for a reaction Liam sprinted back up the stairs and threw his door closed. Quickly he closed his blinds before throwing himself on the bed, burying his face. He hated it here, he didn’t feel safe like he did with the boys on tour.

Louis immediately picked up when he called him, “Hey, Li, what’s up, luv?” He could a lot of background noise. There definitely were kids screaming and music playing somewhere.

“I hate time off” Liam mumbled with a sigh, “This was a stupid idea”

“What happened?” Louis asked in a sober voice as he seemed to walk away from all the noise and Liam could hear him close a door.

“Jason was at the airport, he yelled at me and Michael just showed up at our door. He wanted to talk and apologise but I saw Jason and Andy through the window. They just wanted to get me out of the house”

“Fucking bloody hell. Are they fucking dumb?” Louis cursed loudly, “You are not leaving that house alone”

“I don’t plan to… I’m trapped in my own house” Liam laughed hollowly, actually feeling close to tears when he realised that, “I’m not coming back here again in the future. I’ll just stay in London when we have time off”

“You’ll be alone, Liam” Louis sighed.

“It’s better than this”

“Only a few more weeks and he won’t be allowed to be close to you”

“Jason has friends” Liam argued against it, but quickly added, “Sorry, you are right, I’m just ranting”

“Even if you are it is still true” Louis sighed, “I wish there were something we could do… I still would love to-“

“You can’t go around beating people up, Lou” Liam laughed a little.

“They are doing it!”

“Yeah, they are not in a band that will get murdered by the press if they do that”

“True… well, I still think it’s a good plan with just some negative side effects” Louis joked, before asking a little more seriously, “Will you be okay for the next few days?”

“Yeah… yeah, just not easy being back here with them literally waiting outside my door” Liam said slowly, “Felt way better having that physical distance to work through all this”

“That is a fact. I feel like we did some process, though, you called when things got messy” Louis explained, “And we’ll be all together once the three days are over and hug you so you won’t forget that you do have friends and there’s nothing wrong with you”

“Nothing might be an exaggeration but yeah, I hope so. I don’t want to feel like they make me feel anymore” Liam explained, “It’s just scary, because I don’t know what I’ll do if you guys leave me eventually”

“We won’t”

Liam didn’t answer this time. They stayed on the line in silence for a while before Liam could hear the voice of a young girl calling for Louis.

“Sorry that I am keeping you from your family. I’m okay now, you can go”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, positive”

“Maybe call Zayn, he is always worried about you, you know?”

“Maybe, I’m tired”

After they ended the call Liam didn’t call Zayn, instead he spent the next hour looking outside his window, looking for the other guys. He saw some people walk by but couldn’t tell whether it was them.

At the same time, he had trouble falling asleep and turned and tossed for most of the rest of the night. The next morning, he was home alone and really saw no point in getting out of bed apart from going to the bathroom or the kitchen once he got hungry. Instead he spent his time lounging in his room, reading a little and being on his laptop. His mother came home around noon and the both of them decided to cook together. She asked him tons of questions to most of which he didn’t really have an answer. And when he couldn’t even tell her much about the cities he had been in, she became a little sad, “Do you ever get time to just go sight-seeing and have fun? I don’t want you to burn yourself out before you are twenty, Liam”

Liam shrugged, “But I like what we are doing, even if it is stressful and time consuming”

She sighed a little, “At least you have a few friends now, right?”

Liam frowned, he hated it when someone brought this up. As if he was the one to not want friends. The people in this town never wanted to be friends with him, so he just muttered a soft, “Yes”

“You know I really hoped Michael and his friends would get over whatever they have against you. They are such nice boys otherwise…” his mother started again, making Liam groan.

“Now, don’t be like this. I know you don’t get along with them. I’d just hoped. You know Michaels mother and I-“

“Mum, please” Liam pleaded, “I know she’s your friend, but they just don’t like me”

“I know, I know… what his friends did was not okay. Boys sometimes like to play rough, but you were in the hospital and that wasn’t okay”

“Right” Liam just said, slowly, “Why did you start the restraining order thing when you wanted us to be friends?”

“Because I know Jason sometimes can be too much and it wasn’t Michael that hurt you, was it?” she asked him with a soft smile, “I still worry about you and if Jason is going to hurt you, I want to stop that”

Liam shrugged, not answering, “And what if it was Michael and not Jason?”

“Oh, don’t be silly, he was on this camping trip back when it happened!” she laughed it off, “He even wanted to talk to you last night, didn’t he?”

Liam frowned, “Jason and Andy were waiting outside”

“Well, they are his friends” she said.

“Michael beat me up the last time, not Jason. Jason only held me down” Liam said dryly, looking at his mother with a little angry spark in his eyes, “Can you stop saying he is nice? Because he is not”

“What? You said it was Jason, that you got in a fight with” his mother frowned.

“He was the one that broke my arm” Liam admitted, “But there were three of them”

“Liam… why did you never…” his mother looked shocked as she leaned against the countertop worriedly with her son only shrugging.

“The second time I was in the hospital it was Michael, Jason and Andy and I just let you run with it when you asked if it was Jason again” Liam said, “And no one ever really wanted to know, anyway”

“Liam, that’s not true” his mother argued, shaking her head, “Michael said he tried to be friends with you, but you didn’t want to”

Liam couldn’t help but laugh at this, tears shimmering in his eyes, “Right, he is definitely not the one that came up with the game of how many kicks my kidney could take before it fails as well”

His mother gasped loudly, before shaking her head, “Liam, no, I don’t, that can’t be true… Why didn’t you… Why are you… now?”

Liam shrugged, “Maybe because I know that there are a few people that actually like me now. Maybe because the boys tell me that I am not a freak or weird or annoying every day and that it was not my fault and that I deserve better. I’m tired of lying and hiding what they did. They beat me up every day after school and no one noticed or cared. It is probably selfish to bring it up now, but I feel like you need to know before inviting them in again, like dad almost did yesterday.”

His mother was now moving over to the kitchen table and sat down in a chair, eyes wide and teary. Liam looked at her for a moment, before stating slowly, “Maybe I should go” With that he ran from the room up the stairs and locked himself in the bathroom. He had told his mother only a little part of what had happened and already made her cry, he was so stupid and selfish.

Liam had no idea how he ended up there, but he was sitting in the shower cabin crying and struggling to breathe. How had this sneaked up on him? He felt like dying, everything hurt, and he had hurt his mum when he told her. Liam knew how much she loved Michaels family and now he had destroyed all her hopes. He was stupid.

The loud knock on the door startled him. His mother was trying to get in and she was talking but Liam couldn’t really make out what she was saying, his ears ringing and chest heaving loudly.

His chest was hurting, and he could feel his lungs struggling to take in any air. Liam knew he was going to pass out again if he didn’t calm down. He had to calm down but didn’t know how. Passing out from a panic attack didn’t feel good and he knew that well from experience.

“Liam, hey, what’s up?” a new voice was talking to him. He had his phone in his hand and apparently had dialled Niall’s number.

“N-C.. an’t” Liam gasped, unable to form words or sentences.

“Shit, Li, you need to breathe” Niall realised what was wrong immediately. The Irish boy always knew what to say and this time it was no different. Niall asked him a few questions, told him when to breathe in and out, then made him count slowly to ten. Liam felt sore and his head hurt a little while later. Niall was still talking to him, gently, reminding him that he was okay and not alone.

“T-thank you” Liam whispered at one point, sniffling quietly, “S b-better now”

“That’s good, Li, can you tell me what happened?” Niall asked carefully.

“M-made my mum cry” Liam said, rubbing at his eyes when he could feel tears coming again.

“Why?” Niall seemed confused, “How?”

“She wants me to be friends with Michael and I told her about what he did, just a little. Didn’t want to believe me and then cried” Liam explained.

“Oh, Liam… she was probably just a little confused and shocked. You told us that your parents have barely any idea what was going on apart from the things with Jason” Niall sighed a little sad, “But it was good that you told her. They should know”

“D-don’t think so” Liam muttered, “I’m ruining it all, just because I was being selfish, but I couldn’t listen to her telling me how great Michael is, I couldn’t. I’m so stupid”

“Liam, no, stop, you are doing it again” Niall interrupted him loudly, sounding upset, “You are none of these things”

“Should have never said anything” Liam still insisted, “I just want it to stop, don’t want to do this anymore”

“Liam, what are you talking about? Sometimes the things we say upset others, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t say anything” Niall argued.

“Just need it to stop”

“Liam, what do you need to stop?” Niall sounded even more worried when his friend repeated this phrase.

“Everything”

“Liam?”

“I’m okay now” Liam said slowly, “Sorry for calling you”

“Don’t hang up on me now, Liam, I want to talk to you” Niall said, “I was bored anyways and thinking about calling one of you guys”

“Really?” Liam frowned and didn’t seem to believe him.

“Yeah, let’s talk, my brother is late, and I have nothing to do” Niall assured him, “I’ll text the others maybe they have time and want to join”

“Okay” Liam agreed slowly.

“Texted Lou last night, he said he had talked to you?”

“Yeah, called him” Liam admitted, “Why?”

“Oh, just remembered it, no reason” Niall said, “Did you watch the game last night?”

“No” Liam frowned, Niall knows that he barely cares about football, but the Irish boy still decided to launch into a long review of the game. A few minutes later, Zayn joined their call, as well as Louis and for the next half hour Liam listened to them bicker around as they chatted until someone knocked at the door again.

“Shit” Liam muttered, not realising that the boys could hear him, and he was bombarded with questions.

“Hang on. I’ve been blocking the bathroom, someone wants to get in” Liam sighed, slowly getting up from the shower floor, briefly wondering when he had gotten there and why. He felt sore as he shook his tired limbs and opened the door, coming face to face with his mother, calling out, “Liam, finally!”

Liam looked at her for a moment, wondering whether he looked like he had cried and hoped he didn’t, then stated flatly, “I’m on the phone” He held up his cell phone as he looked past her to his room. She was blocking his way and he really didn’t feel like he could take another serious conversation now.

“Liam, we need to talk about this” she said, following his eyes, “You are worrying me. I don’t even know what just happened”

“I’m okay, I just needed to talk to Niall” Liam said, still staring past her. She frowned but stepped to the side, letting him flee to his room with a concerned glance.

“Sorry, I’m back now. What were you talking about” Liam asked as he sat down on the edge of his bed, feeling winded from his little sprint and the fear of standing opposite his mother. It felt wrong thinking this, but it was the truth. He was scared of another confrontation or even conversation.

“Are you alright, luv?” Louis asked gently instead of his chipper voice from before.

“Yeah, I am fine” Liam said out loud but at the same time realised he was still smiling wide and fake from when he had talked to his mother. He hadn’t used that expression when being with the boys in a long time and it immediately fell off his face as he whispered, “No”

“You should talk to your mother” Niall suggested softly, but Liam immediately shook his head, “No, tried that, didn’t end well”

“Yeah, I was there” Niall muttered disappointedly, and it made Liam want to cry again. He was doing everything wrong again.

“Luv, we know this is hard for you and I’m sorry we are not there to help you, but you need to go through this. They will never understand if you don’t explain and you want them to” Louis said again, voice rough, “You need them to”

“I don’t” Liam replied, “I just won’t come back home”

“Liam, no, that is not an option” Zayn this time spoke up, “But if you don’t feel like you can now, maybe take some more time, maybe take a nap and look at things when you are more rested. No one makes good decisions coming out of a panic attack, Li”

“I’m not-“ Liam started to protest, but Louis interrupted him.

“Niall told us why you called him, Li, don’t even try. And it was clear when we called, you sounded horrible”

“I hate you” Liam said with a glare, but the boys couldn’t see that.

“We love you, too, Liam” Louis said, “We know we push you sometimes, but we just want to help”

“I know, thanks” Liam sighed, “Can we just talk about something else now? I’m so tired”

“Sure, do you want to hang up and nap?” Niall asked, “You are feeling better than before, right?”

“Yeah…” Liam said slowly, “A little”

“Okay, just call whenever you need one of us?” Zayn asked slowly. Liam promised to call when he needed or wanted to, and the boys let him be for now. They all said their goodbyes and ended the call after which Liam fell asleep.

It was early evening when Liam was woken by his father. The man looked worried when he saw his son’s face.

“What’s going on?” Liam asked confused as he sat up, rubbing at his face.

“Your mother and sisters want to go out for dinner tonight since you are only here today and tomorrow night” the man said, “Wanted to see if you were up for it since your mother told me about your little conversation earlier”

Liam let his head drop nervously, not daring to look at his father who sat down on the bed next to him with a sigh.

“Liam, look at me, please”

Liam did as asked, but had a hard time doing so.

“These boys have been messing with you a lot, haven’t they? And it wasn’t just the one, either was it?”

Liam shook his head slowly.

“And we never realised?”

Liam nodded.

“And you never felt like you should or could tell us?”

Liam shrugged at that, not denying, or confirming either.

“I know I wasn’t home a lot, Liam, not as much as I’d have liked ever since you were kids” his father said sadly, “But I always thought you knew that you could talk to me, that I cared about you and your sisters”

Liam frowned, before whispering, “I know that”

“Why didn’t you, then?”

Liam shrugged.

“Why didn’t you let mum know?”

“She always liked Michael better than me” Liam explained, “Didn’t want her to be sad”

“Liam, how the hell did you come to that conclusion!?” his father looked genuinely upset at this.

“Don’t know” Liam immediately said, shrinking away from his father, “I’m sorry”

“Liam, I just don’t understand this” his father sighed again, “Can you please explain it a little?”

“I can’t, you need to ask questions” Liam said slowly, confusing his father once again.

“It’s easier. They boys ask question and then I can answer, but I can’t start these… conversations” Liam tried to explain himself with a frown. He felt even weirder saying this.

“They boys? From the band?” his father asked, and Liam nodded, “You talk to them about this?”

“Did you watch the news at all?” Liam looked up with a frown, he had thought his parents at least had looked up a little bit of the stuff that was posted about him.

“No, we didn’t want to come across any lies and let that mess with us. We know how twisted some things get in the papers”

“Can you do that? Like what the boys said in interviews? It explains a little” Liam said, “Can we talk after?”

“Alright, we will do that” his father promised, “But you will have to talk to me and your mother, okay?”

“Can I just talk to you first? I don’t want to make her cry again” Liam asked and received a nod.

“Go get dressed, we need to go get ready for dinner”

“I don’t want to go outside” Liam frowned, “I’m okay on my own at home, you guys can go”

“Liam, they want to go out because you are home. There’s no sense in us going out alone” his father argued.

“Where?” Liam asked and frowned when he heard it was a new restaurant that had just opened in the next town.

“I don’t want to run into someone I know” he elaborated.

“Don’t worry about that” his father waved him off, “No one will care”

“That’s not what I mean” Liam sighed but his father was already halfway out his bedroom door.

Dinner went very well and halfway through Liam found himself laughing loudly at his sister’s jokes and bantered around with his family, finally feeling home emotionally as well. They got home late but without any incident and Liam felt pretty much happy for the first time since he came back home. His emotional high carried on through to the next morning and noon. His mood sunk shortly when his father announced that they were going to talk that night, but Liam was really good at pushing this aside. Instead he went out just after noon with his sister Ruth to get ice cream in town. It had worked the night before when he had gone out with family and he just hoped it would work out as well this time. They spent an hour at the café and just talked a little, mostly about her and her new boyfriend though. Then they took the longer route through the park back home and Liam knew he had messed up, when he felt knots forming in his stomach.

“You are awfully quiet all of a sudden, Li” Ruth mentioned with a worried glance.

“Oh” Liam breathed out, “No, no, sorry, I didn’t realise”

“Is this about your fight with mum? Dad told me” she asked curiously, nudging him a little with her elbow, “And dad made me look for your recent interviews this morning”

“Oh” Liam just said again, nervously fiddling with a loose thread of his shirt. Liam didn’t know whether he was glad for the following interruption or not. It got him out of yet another uncomfortable situation but at the same time it made him freeze dead in his tracks.

“You fucking useless piece of shit!” Michael’s voice called out. Liam stopped, standing still as he turned to his right side from where he had heard the shout from. Ruth had taken a few more steps, not really paying attention to the loud voice, “Liam? You coming?”

She followed his motion and looked to the voice, frowning, “What’s going on?”

Michael and Andy where just standing on the path parallel to theirs looking grimly, about three meters away, but before either Ruth or Liam could do anything else, they were both grabbed from behind. Two young men were holding both of Liam’s arms as one other person grabbed his older sister. She yelled out in protest, then asked, “Michael, what the fuck!?”

Liam managed to hit one of his attackers in the gut and threw him off, but before he could do so with the second one, Michael and Jason were there. Jason was kicking him while Michael yelled and occasionally started hitting him as well.

“You useless bitch! Your damn mother called mine! We told you to fucking stay quiet!”

“Mike! Stop it! What the hell is going on!?” Ruth screamed at the young man but couldn’t get out of the other’s grip.

“Stop, I’m sorry” Liam pleaded, trying to protect his sides and head, while also trying to fight back. Since the first guy he had managed to hit, had gotten back up there were four against one and it was not a fair fight. Michael grabbed Liam’s shoulders, then hit him straight in the face before pushing him to the floor and the others started kicking him. At one point Liam knew it was over and just stopped trying, just wanting for it to be over. He knew there was nothing he could do, hopefully they didn’t break any bones again. Suddenly there was more yelling than before, and new voices which confused Liam enough to make him open his eyes back up. First, he could see Ruth crying, still being held back, but she was looking in another direction and he followed her glance. The kicks had stopped he realised at the same time.

He saw Niall first. Niall was fast, he remembered through his haze of confusion and pain. Niall seemed angry and before Liam could even follow what was going, Niall was thrown on the floor next to him. The blonde let out a yell of pain as he slid across the floor. Louis and Harry came into Liam’s focus next, followed by Zayn and if asked later, Liam had no idea what the hell was going on. He didn’t even wonder where they had come from, he only saw them there, fighting his attackers to the best of their abilities. It was still five guys, Liam realised, against three since him and Niall were still on the floor, so he tried to get up. He got up in a crouched position when he was pushed back down by Michael again. Michael was furious, spitting out even worse hateful comments than before as he leaned over him and started punching him again. Since it was only one person, Liam managed to get some hits in as well, trying to protect himself but realised too late when Jason came over to help Michael out. Jason pulled him down, pinning him to the floor as Michael jumped on him. Pain shot up his arm and shoulder and he couldn’t help the shout of pain.

“Stop! Stop!” he could hear Niall scream, and then, just moments later, the pressure on his chest and the onslaught of hits was gone, leaving Liam panting in pain. His right side felt as if it was on fire. Ruth was next to him, as well as Louis, calling his name worriedly as he tried to sit up. He didn’t even realise the other boys were gone until he heard Niall whimper next to him and turned to the blond who was sitting crouched over on the floor, cradling his wrist.

“Niall?” Liam gasped, worriedly, ignoring his own pain as he tried to see what was wrong with his friend, but Louis held him back.

“Fuck, Li, you are hurt! Harry and Z are taking care of Niall” Louis said softly, “We need to get out of here, can you get up? What hurts?” “

Instead of answering the questions, Liam looked at Louis with a frown, “You are bleeding”

“It’s just a little cut” Louis reached up to wipe at his eyebrow where he had gotten punched once and the little cut was still bleeding a little. The oldest then moved to help Liam up, apologising furiously at the pained whimpers that escaped the injured boy until he was standing. Harry had his arm around Niall, who seemed okay now, holding his wrist close to his chest and the group slowly made their way to the Payne house.

“Why are you here?” Liam suddenly spoke up, breaking the silence.

“You were pretty upset yesterday, and we were all a little worried” Zayn explained, “So we decided to come here half a day early and it seems like it was a good idea”

Ruth unlocked their front door and led them all inside, yelling loudly, “Mum! Dad! Help!”

“No, Ruth, no, don’t tell them!” Liam looked panicked as he heard that, not really realising that his sister had been there through the whole ordeal until now. Since Ruth didn’t get an answer, they assumed their parents had gone out.

“Liam, luv, there’s no way of hiding this” Louis chuckled a little, motioning to himself and the other boys who all looked more or less battered, “Don’t worry about it”

They all found a place in the kitchen with Niall and Liam being pushed in a chair while Zayn asked Ruth where he could get some water for them and Louis went to look for some ice. Liam looked around at his friends and sister. Ruth seemed a little shaken up but otherwise more than fine. Louis had a little cut on his eyebrow that had already stopped bleeding with a bruise forming around it, Zayn had a bruise just under his left eye while Harry seemed unscathed. Niall had cuts and scrapes on his hand and arms from where he’d been pushed on the floor and his wrist was swollen. There was definitely something wrong with it as he held it still protectively close to his body. His eyes were red and glassy, so he also had been crying, probably, Liam noticed. Louis and Ruth gave both Zayn some ice for his bruise and Niall for his wrist.

Then Harry was suddenly kneeling in front of him, asking gently, “Can you tell me where they hit you, Li?”

Liam looked at him in confusion, “Niall is hurt”

“Yeah, we know, we are taking care of him. You are hurt, too, Liam” Harry said slowly.

“Why are you here?” Liam wondered brows furrowed in confusion. His arm and shoulder hurt quite bad while there was an ache behind his eyes signalling an oncoming headache. But Liam felt like it wasn’t nearly as important as knowing what was going on.

“We told you, already, did they hit your head?” Louis seemed a little alarmed at that and came over to help Harry.

Liam frowned, “Yeah, but no, I know what you said, but like, why?”

Louis sighed a little, as he immediately went to check Liam’s head out, “We’ll talk later, let’s get you and Niall taken care of first, alright?”

Liam didn’t answer as he let Harry and Louis prod away at him.

Niall spoke up, voice rough, “They kicked him in the sides again and one stepped on his arm and kneeled on his shoulder. It hurt Liam, but I couldn’t get them off, they pushed me away”

Liam frowned again, “They hurt you”

“No” Niall argued, shaking his head, “They were hurting you!”

Just then Louis managed to find the bump on the back of his head, touching it and making him flinch violently, “Well, that answers one question” The boy then gently pressed another ice pack against it, ignoring his friend’s wince, “Harry will take your shirt off, okay? We need to see if you’re hurt as bad as the last time”

Liam tried to stop Harry when he tried to lift his shirt, but Harry didn’t back down until he tried to make Liam lift his arms. Liam gasped in pain and flinched away towards Louis who was standing behind him the second Harry as much as touched his arm.

“Shit” Harry just said dryly, “I think something is wrong”

“Oh, really, you think so?” Louis’ voice was laced with sarcasm as he tried to hold Liam still who was now shaking a little.

Harry managed to make Liam get one of his arms out of the shirt before sliding it over his head and then down the seemingly injured arm. His eyes widened when he saw Liam’s shoulder, swallowing, “Uh… I think we have a problem”

“We are going to the hospital” Louis said with authority, “Niall needs his wrist checked out as well”

Zayn addressed Ruth, “Tell me you have a car here, please”

Ruth nodded slowly, “My mums’ car… they took dad’s, I don’t know where they went”

“You need to call them, tell them what’s going on” Harry told her, “We need to call Paul as well”

“Ah shit” Louis muttered, “You’re right”

“I really hope no one saw us” Niall muttered, “1D getting in a fight. Management will kill us”

“We were not fighting, we were just defending” Zayn shrugged, “Let’s go, who is driving?”

“Funny question, Z” Louis laughed, then said sternly, “I am”

Ruth handed over the keys of the car, asking, “You’ll call me, tell me what’s going on, right?”

“Sure, Li, you got your phone?”

Liam nodded slowly and seconds later he was pushed up and out of his seat as well as Niall. The five of them squeezed into the little car and made their way to the next hospital, which luckily was just a little one that didn’t seem busy at all. Of course, the people there did know Liam, it was a small town after all, and they also recognised the rest of the boys.

They made Niall and Liam sit down on two cots next to each other and a nurse tended to each of them.

“What happened with you guys? Liam it’s not like you to get into a fight!” one nurse scolded him as she helped him take off the jacket Harry had helped him slip into before. Liam cursed the small-town life.

“Does your mum know you are here? Karen will be so worried” the other chimed in, then added, “Well, that happens when they send the kids out to the big city this young”

“Ruth knows” Louis said dryly with a glare, “She was there when Jason, Michael and some others jumped her and Liam in the park. We fought no one, we just tried to get them away from our friend”

The second nurse looked a little taken back at this, but talked to Niall instead, taking him to get his wrist x-rayed.

“So… we don’t need to call Karen?”

“No, Ruth was trying to get a hold of them when we left” Harry supplied. The nurse nodded, then explained that Liam had to wait for a doctor to look at him before they could do anything. They waited for a while, Niall came back with a wide grin, waving with his healthy arm, “I’m getting a cast!”

“Fuck” Louis sighed, “That’s not something to be happy about! You are supposed to play the guitar next week!”

Niall’s smile fell immediately, and he looked close to crying, “I just wanted the colours of the Irish flag, like my mic!”

“It’s okay, it’s not your fault!” Zayn hugged him.

“I’ll go talk to Paul” Louis sighed, “He won’t be happy”

“Wait until we know what’s wrong with Liam” Harry suggested, “His collarbone looks really messed up”

“I’m sorry” Liam said slowly, having been quiet the whole time. Before he could be scolded for apologising again, an old grumpy looking doctor entered, taking one look at Liam’s shoulder and collarbone before deciding, “Yeah, that does not look good, does it?”

One nurse took Niall to get his wrist cast with Zayn coming along while Louis and Harry were sent to a waiting room. It seemed like forever until they were let back in again. Liam was seemingly upset, looking almost angry as he glared at the doctor that was fastening a brace and sling around his shoulder and arm as a nurse was cleaning some of the few cuts on Liam’s face and attended to the other bruises on his upper body.

“We are almost finished up here, boys, then you can take him home” the doctor informed them, “Make sure to keep an eye on him with that concussion, if he starts feeling worse, call us, please. Liam said you won’t be here after tomorrow, but he will have to see someone in about a week for a follow up and get physical therapy once the collarbone is healed enough. He’ll be able to return to normal physical activities within two or three months. It depends on his recovery”

The boys glanced from the doctor to Liam and back until Zayn asked, “Wait, what, how bad is it? Can he perform next week? We have a show on Sunday”

“I wouldn’t recommend it” the doctor explained, “But I can’t stop him, and Liam here has made it clear that he won’t stop”

“Right” Louis stated, looking over at Liam with a shake of his head, “That’s not for you to decide. We will have to talk to management first. I need to call Paul”

Liam glared at him, “I’m fine”

Louis shook his head as he went to duck out of the room to figure things out, he could hear Niall start to ask questions and was glad that at least one of them was trying to get more information. Paul was flipping out after he told them, he was cursing and yelling and then calmed down, promising to call him back with a plan and asking for the name of the hospital and doctor.

“Liam needs to give his okay for me to get any information, tell him to do that” Paul said, “I’ll call you guys back”

Louis went back to the room, addressing the doctor, “Our tour manager will call you. He needs more info about when Liam will be better”

The doctor made Liam sign something so he could talk to Paul about his injuries before leaving them to it. And soon after the five boys were walking out of the hospital, one looking more exhausted than the other. The drive was silent and when Louis parked in front of Liam’s home, he saw that his parents were home now.

When walking up to the front steps the door was thrown open and Ruth stood there, “Are you okay?”

They didn’t really answer as they filled in the house again. Liam’s parents asked several questions that neither really knew how to answer as they made Niall and Liam sit down on the sofa.

“How is your head, Liam?” Louis asked concerned, not liking the way Liam seemed to space out with lines of pain visible on his face.

“Same” Liam mumbled. There was no use in saying that he was fine, they knew it hurt but it wasn’t any worse than before.

“Ruth told us what happened” his father spoke up, arms crossed as he watched the boys with an unreadable expression.

“I’m sorry” Liam said, voice a rough whisper as he grew more tense than before.

“Is that what happened the last two times as well? They corner you alone and jump you?”

Liam nodded slowly, “Every day after school”

“I still can’t believe that Micha-“

“Bloody hell” Ruth yelled at her mother angrily, “Get over it! We didn’t know about this either, but you got to stop talking about that asshole! No wonder Liam got this upset yesterday! He fucking broke Liam’s collarbone and you are still going on about how nice he always was!”

Liam starred at his sister in shock, he had not expected this reaction.

“While I don’t agree with the language” Liam’s father scolded Ruth with a glance, “She is right”

“Today was your fault, too” Ruth said loudly, looking close to crying, “Michael was angry because you talked to his mother instead of talking to Liam first”

“What?” Karen asked getting pale, “I just…”

“It’s not your fault, mum, it’s okay” Liam told he gently, “It was just an excuse”

“Liam-“ Ruth started to argue but Liam just sent her a warning glance as Louis phone rang again and he frowned, “It’s Paul”

He took the call and listened for a long time, before saying something. Once he hung up, he summarised the conversation for the rest of the boys, “They want a second opinion on your broken collarbone and Niall’s wrist. We need to report what happened to the police so they can get some insurance money since they apparently lose money when Niall doesn’t play his guitar or something or if you don’t perform on the next few shows. Which they hope you can do, because apparently this fight will damage our image or some shit. We also need to be back a day earlier than planned to get you guys seen by some doctor that they hope will clear you to perform and for some ‘meetings. More like, so they can yell at us for this”

“I’m sorry, this is my fault” Liam’ lip quivered as he tried not to cry. He felt so guilty for getting Niall hurt and everyone else in trouble. He also didn’t want to report this to the police. He couldn’t do that!

“Liam, you need to calm down” Zayn said softly to him and Liam realised that his chest was hurting since he had not taken a breath ever since he had started talking. Niall next to him nudged closer and told him to take a few deep breaths, before saying, “It will be okay. We’ll figure this out and it is not your fault”

Liam looked at him with disbelieving eyes but nodded slowly, it made his sight swim for a moment with dizziness, but it cleared up quickly again.

“Oh, and Paul already called the police for us. We need to go down there tomorrow and get things sorted” Louis seemed to just remember.

“You guys do know that Jason’s brother works here at the station, right?” Ruth asked, looking to her brother, alarmed.

“He’s having this week off. He’s with his girlfriend on a trip” Karen told her, “And even if, he is a good kid. He wouldn’t do any-“

Karen trailed off after seeing her daughter’s angry glare at this, before mumbling, “Right, I might not be good at judging a character”

“I’m so tired” Niall sighed, “Is there anything we need to do like now or today? Or can we just deal with this mess tomorrow?”

“Apart from checking in on Liam’s concussion not really” Louis shrugged, “Not how we had planned this day, but well”

“Are you boys staying tonight? I’ll fix up the guest room. We’ll have to see where you all can sleep, but we can’t send you home like this” Karen was immediately up on her feet, trying to figure out what to do.

“Mum, it’s fine, I’ll take care of it” Liam stopped her with a pleading look, “We’ll just go up and figure it out”

“I guess we are staying then” Zayn shrugged and got up slowly, stretching with a yawn.

“Alright, why don’t you boys go ahead then, and I’ll make you something for dinner, you must be hungry”

Niall and Harry looked excited at that, with the younger one calling out, “Yes, I’m starving!”

“You always are” Zayn laughed as he pulled Niall up, throwing an arm around him while Louis did the same with Liam, careful not to touch Liam’s injured shoulder. The five of them made their way out of the living room and up the stairs to Liam’s bedroom. Their bags were already thrown wildly across the room, Harry explained, “Your mum let us in earlier when we arrived and told us where to find you and Ruth”

“Oh” Liam breathed out as he closed the door behind his friends and locked it, leaning against it with closed eyes, seemingly relieved.

“Come on, luv, let’s get you and Niall in your bed, you should take a nap or something with all the pain meds they got into both of you” Louis held out his hand towards Liam who reached out with his healthy side and let himself be led to his bed. Liam unzipped the sweat jacket that he had been wearing with nothing beneath once he had sat down on the side of the bed. Louis helped him wiggle out of his jeans and pulled back his blanket for him to lie down in his bed, before throwing it over him and Niall once the both of them were settled.

“We are going to see if we can get some tea and food” Zayn and Harry announced before leaving the room quickly. Louis nodded as he got changed in something more comfortable himself and made Liam scoot over to the middle of the bed before he got in himself. It would be a tight fit if Zayn and Harry wanted to stay with them as well, but with the three of them it was actually comfortable. Both him and Niall were on their sides, watching Liam who was on his back and staring at the ceiling.

“How are you feeling, Li?” Louis asked softly, “Tell me if I’m too close to your shoulder or arm, okay?”

“I don’t know” Liam answered truthfully, “Just feel numb and a little scared and a lot guilty”

“It’s not your fault I got hurt or we all got in trouble, Li” Niall told him gently.

“I know that” Liam sighed, “Well, a part of my brain knows that, and the other doesn’t”

“Just don’t want you to beat yourself up over this. I really just fell unluckily on my wrist, wouldn’t have happened otherwise. They really only wanted to hurt you, really” Niall said, “Which makes me angry, to be honest”

“Same” Louis sighed, “I really didn’t get in enough punches today, which makes me mad. I’ve been wanting to do this for a while, but it was really too chaotic to single them out”

“Lou, no” Liam whined a little, throwing his uninjured arm over his eyes, “Stop, it’s already bad enough”

“You not feeling good?” Niall asked with a frown now.

“Just dizzy” Liam muttered, “But not worse than before, everything hurts the same still”

“Do you know when you can take more pain meds?” Louis asked worriedly.

“Not yet, don’t think they’d help much with my head” Liam replied, swallowing heavily, “Can we turn the lights off?”

Louis got out of the bed and turned on the little bed side table and shut off the ceiling lights, “Is that better or do I need to turn them all off?”

“Better” Liam answered as the door opened and the other two boys came in. Zayn was carrying a tray with five steaming mugs while Harry held two plates filled with sandwiches and snacks. Niall was up immediately, reaching up to take one of the plates with his healthy hand. While is wrist was aching a little, he felt fine otherwise and dug in immediately. Harry sat next to him further down on the bed, pushing Niall’s legs out of the way while Zayn sat at the foot of the bed, balancing the tray of mugs on his crossed legs. Liam struggled to lift himself up with the brace keeping the right side off his upper body and his arm immobilised and Louis had to help him to only sit up with a hand on his back.

“Shit” Liam breathed out, “That doesn’t feel good at all”

He then reached out to take one of the teas, left hand only shaking little as he took a few sips before putting it back down on the tray and resting against the headboard with an exhausted sigh. The boys sat in their little circle for a while, eating and drinking their tea. Liam declined any food, though, “Don’t think I’ll be able to keep anything down”

“Do you feel sick” Harry looked worried, but Liam waved him off, “No, not yet and I’d like to keep it that way”

“Okay, tell us if it changes” Zayn ordered him sternly, “And drink your tea at least!”

“I’m on it, mum” Liam almost chuckled, a little smile creeping on his face, “Are you really all going to stay in my room tonight? That’s not going to work out”

“We did it before, all sharing a bed” Louis shrugged.

“Hotel beds are bigger” Liam still argued, unable to hide his smile.

“You want to get rid of us, Li?” Niall pouted faking a sad look.

“Nah” Liam smiled, “I love you guys too much for that”

“Aww” Louis called out, “We love you too!”

He threw his arms around Liam in a hug as the other boys followed, doing the same.

“Ah, fuck, stop” Liam groaned in pain, turning his towards his left side as he tried to push them away, “Bloody hurts”

“Whoops” Louis ducked his head as they all pulled away, “Sorry, luv”

“S kay” Liam gritted out between his teeth, still in pain.

“You can’t just say back that you love us for the first time and not expect us to hug you” Niall commented with a shrug as he took the last sandwich from the plate. Harry looked at him with a frown, “Hey, I wanted that”

“Well you didn’t take it” Niall shot back but broke it in half to share it with Harry.

Once the cups and plates were all empty, Zayn put them on the tray and got up to set it down on Liam’s desk, “Liam, you got any more blankets? Harry always hogs it if there is just one”

“Mhm, closet” Liam told him as he slid back down to rest against his pillow instead of the headboard. Zayn threw two more blankets and a few more pillows on the bed which all were grabbed quickly. Liam and Louis shared a blanket while Harry and Niall did the same, leaving the third for Zayn who they knew liked to have his own. After a little bit rearranging and complaints about all of them they all settled down quickly enough to get to sleep.

Niall and Harry fell asleep almost immediately once the light was turned off, the long day creeping up on them fast. Liam on the other hand kept turning and moving around which kept up Zayn and Louis who couldn’t sleep with all the noise and movement coming from beside them.

Louis sat up confused when Liam suddenly spoke up in a soft whisper, “A-are you guys still awake?”

Zayn did the same, replying in the same hushed voice, “Yeah”

“What’s wrong?” Louis asked, trying to watch Liam with just the little light from the night shining in through his window.

“T-today was scary” Liam said, unsure of himself, his voice wavering.

“Yeah, we didn’t expect what we found, and it looked bad, Liam. We were scared for you” Zayn agreed slowly.

“I didn’t think they would stop this time” Liam said, “They were so angry”

“I’m just glad we showed up when we did” Louis added, “Was a close call”

“Still don’t understand why you are here at all” Liam muttered, “Not complaining, just confused”

“You are our brother, and you weren’t feeling safe” Louis stated, “There’s not much more to it”

“When Harry and Niall get hurt or don’t feel good, that feeling you get then is the same me and Lou feel when you get hurt. And the two of them hate seeing you like this just like you don’t want to see your sisters or your mother cry. It is the same and it scares us all in a different way.” Zayn tried to explain.

“This is so weird to me” Liam admitted, “It is kind of funny, though”

“You can be a little weird, luv, but we love that” Louis chuckled, “Like when you went on and on about dinosaurs when we went to this award show. No one can care that much about these dead things!”

“Shut up” Liam mumbled a little embarrassed, but he was smiling just a little, knowing that Louis was just teasing him.

“I like his dinosaur side” Zayn shrugged, then laughed, “It’s so nerdy”

“Not as nerdy as your comics” Harry’s rough voice startled them all, “Some people are trying to sleep”

“Sorry, we’ll be quiet” Liam said sincerely, but Harry shook his head, “Too late, why are you talking about dinosaurs?”

“Because Liam is a little weird sometimes” Louis laughed.

“Well, Liam at least knows not to mix dirty laundry with fresh clothes” Harry argued, “Makes him a lot better than you”

“Yeah, and he actually shows up on time instead of making us all wait for him” Zayn added.

“And he makes sure we get to eat something even if we are busy” Harry said.

“Liam keeps us safe as well, remember when I almost fell off the platform?”

“And he takes the mean calls from management, so we don’t have to”

“He’s also the only one to actually make us food on the bus when we are all too lazy”

“Liam knows how I like my tea and not even my mum remembers”

“That’s because your order is weird, Harry! But he does make the best tour bus breakfast!”

“Liam always makes sure we feel well”

“He took care of Niall when he got sick”

“Liam also-“

“Okay, okay, shut up, I got it, Liam is great, and you only keep me around for my tea, I know” Louis called out with a laugh.

“Yeah, why do we put up with you other than your amazing tea skills, again?” Harry seemed to be thinking hard about this while Zayn laughed loudly, waking up Niall in the process. The blond quickly caught on to their little banter and soon all of them were crying and laughing, rolling around the bed.

Suddenly the door opened, and the light was put on, making them all either shut up or call out in surprise. Ruth was standing in the door, looking rather unhappy, “Seriously, guys, shut the hell up. I have work tomorrow and need to sleep!”

The whole room was quiet as they looked at her in shock until Niall started laughing hilariously again, rolling to the side and promptly off the bed with a loud thud, Harry leaned over to make sure he was okay while the other three couldn’t help the next laughing fit.

“Boys, Liam, hey, come on” Ruth called out a little annoyed which Liam could see. He was the first to calm down again, apologising, “Sorry, sorry, we’ll be… q-quiet”

Liam had trouble keeping a straight face as he pushed Louis and Zayn, telling them to shut up, then leaned over the bed to look at Niall, asking whether he was okay. Harry held his hands out and pulled Niall back up, who had his broken arm pressed against his chest.

“Thank you, I really need you guys to keep it down, please” Ruth told them again, receiving quiet nods before turning the lights off and leaving them to it again. The second the door closed a round of giggles went around the room, but nothing compared to the loud laughs from before. Louis could feel Liam shaking next to him and grinned, “You still laughing, Payno?”

“No” Liam’s voice was rough, and he sounded like he was crying instead of laughing. Louis immediately turned to turn on the small light before looking at Liam. There were definitely tears on his face, but he was smiling softly, “I’m okay”

“I have a hard time believing you actually know what fine means” Harry told him but was smiling a little himself.

“Just having a moment” Liam tried to explain, “Just realised a few things”

“And what would those things be?” Zayn wanted to know, “Are you like happy crying or sad crying right now?”

“Both?” Liam sounded unsure.

“Elaborate” Niall ordered, laying down on his side to look at Liam, getting a little more comfortable.

“I’m sad I never had this before” Liam waved at the boys in front of him with a sad smile, “But I’m happy I have it now, you know? Never thought I would have, so that’s really nice. Just makes me a little sad that it feels like my family never really cared enough to figure things out. I mean… I didn’t ever know how bad it was until you guys got me out of it… and that actually feels a little mad. It feels weird and like there are two sides of my brain right now”

“That does sound a little weird” Harry smirked a little.

“I know, it’s confusing” Liam nodded slowly, “I just feel like I missed so much because they wouldn’t let me just be and I never really got a reason why, which drives me mad a little to be honest. Like… what did I ever do to them to deserve this?”

“I love how you start questioning these things and start actually getting upset over what they did” Louis smiled proudly while Zayn added, “Yeah, a few weeks back you were so sure you deserved it for being weird”

“Well, maybe all it took was you guys liking me even though I’m weird… I still think that stuff a lot sometimes but it’s less” Liam tried to explain.

“You got that wrong a little” Niall shook his head, “We love you because you are weirdly you. There’s no but”

“And you made a big step already, the rest will come with time” Louis said, “The important thing that you need to know is that we won’t leave you and you can always call if you need us”

“I think I started believing that today” Liam admitted with a teary-eyed smile.

“Can we do a group hug without hurting either of us?” Niall asked, looking emotional himself, “I want to cuddle”

“Please don’t touch my shoulder” Liam begged, leaning away from the group.

“I’ve got you” Louis assured him calmly, pulling him in a gentle hug, curling around Liam’s injured side protectively before the others started to join the hug, all of them trying to stay away from his shoulder.

“Thank you for today” Liam sighed softly as he let himself fall into the hug further, “For saving me”

He felt them all hug a little tighter but not too tight and smiled widely again, it felt good. After the hug they all huddled closer when the lied down to sleep again, cuddling up to each other before they all fell asleep this time.


	5. Five

Niall was the first one awake the next morning, shaking awake Liam and Harry who were the closest to him. They both grumbled and tried to push him away.

“Come on, I’m hungry” Niall whined.

“Then get some food” Harry told him, grabbing the blanket, and pulling it over his head.

“I don’t want to go alone” Niall argued, “It’s scary!”

“Why?” Harry asked with a sigh as he turned around.

“Because I could run into Liam’s parents and I don’t know them!”

“And?”

“That scares me”

“You are weird, we know them a little”

“No, not enough”

Liam sighed, now awake as well, “I’ll come with you, give me a few minutes”

His voice was raspy and low as he looked over to Niall and Harry still tired, “What time is it?”

“Summertime!” Niall yelled, jumping up and moving to dance.

“God, I hate you and High School Musical!” Harry yelled, before pushing Niall forcefully enough to throw him off the bed. The loud scream and thud also woke Louis while Zayn stayed passed out like always. He was the heaviest sleeper in the band even if it took him the longest to fall asleep most times. But once he was out, he was out for good.

“I hate you all” Louis grumbled, “I need tea”

Niall laughed from the floor, “That was mean, Harry”

“Let’s just get some food and tea, yeah?” Harry sighed with a shake off his head, “If you behave, I will even cook”

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” Niall jumped up to his feet and motioned for the others to hurry, “Come on, come on before he changes his mind”

Liam who was lying on his back groaned as he tried to sit up, turning on his good side instead, trying to get leverage to push himself into a sitting position. It worked but hurt as well. He knew only his bone was broken but it felt like his whole right shoulder was on fire.

“I’m really glad it was only my wrist” Niall mumbled as he grimaced at the pain of his friend.

Louis was there, already a supporting arm around Liam’s back who fell against his side with a whimper, “I’ve got you, luv. Let’s get breakfast and some pain meds for you, alright?”

Liam nodded slowly as he let himself almost be lifted fully out of bed to his feet by Louis. They left Zayn alone in the bed to sleep, no one wanted to be the one to wake him. Zayn definitely wasn’t a morning person.

They didn’t run into Liam’s parents or sister when they went to the kitchen and Harry asked what he was supposed to make for breakfast, before asking whether he could just take whatever was in the fridge.

Just as Liam was answering, his mother entered the kitchen with a smile, “You are awake already, boys? I didn’t think you’d be up for another hour at least!”

“Niall got hungry, we are not here by choice” Louis muttered, “Zayn is the only one doing it right”

“I can make you something, what do you want”

“Harry offered to cook, it’s fine mum, I know you have things to do” Liam waved her off.

“Harry makes amazing pancakes” Niall added, “Can we do that?”

Liam’s mother nodded, showed Harry where everything he needed was before leaving them again.

“Is everything okay with you guys?” Louis asked glancing at Liam and the door where his mother had left through. Liam frowned, “Yeah, why?”

“Just… I don’t know, you seemed so cold with each other” Louis tried to explain. He knew he was unusually close to his family, but she never even had asked whether Liam was alright or even hugged him.

“Nah, we just don’t hug much” Liam said slowly.

“But you love hugs” Niall frowned.

“Well, I didn’t until you guys” Liam told them with a similar frown on his face now. His family was fine.

“Maybe you just told yourself that because you never got any” Niall suggested, earning a hit on the head from Harry as Louis glared at him. Liam on the other hand just looked away, quiet.

“Families are different, my dad never hugs us either” Harry said, “Different doesn’t mean bad. Not everyone can be as touchy feely as Lou with everyone”

“You love my cuddles” Louis protested, getting up to start the kettle, “Who wants tea? Why am I even asking…”

The exasperated shake off his head lightened the mood again. At some point during breakfast Zayn stumbled in, mumbling a little angrily about being left behind. He sat down next to Liam and leaned on his healthy shoulder almost falling back asleep immediately. Liam laughed and shook him a little once there were some pancakes ready for Zayn. The other boy stayed cuddled against Liam’s side while he started eating. Liam laughed at his antics but let him be.

“Don’t hurt him, he couldn’t get out of bed this morning” Louis told Zayn though a stern glance thrown to Zayn who frowned and nodded.

“Oh, come on, Lou, I just needed to take some meds. It’s better now” Liam threw a glare to his friend, “Why are you all on me anyhow, Niall got hurt, too”

“Niall fell off the bed twice without as much as a wince while you can’t sit up on your own without pain” Harry said, “They put a cast on his wrist and not your collarbone which is a little different, don’t you think?”

Louis nodded, “How’s your head by the way?”

“Fine” Liam glared, but added after a moment of thinking, “Still hurts, but it’s less than last night. Get dizzy when I move around a lot and my side hurts from where they kicked me a lot”

“Okay” Louis just said, taking in the information.

“I hate them” Zayn muttered, eyes closed from where he was leaning against Liam’s chest now, “Don’t know why anyone would hurt you. You are such a puppy”

Liam looked slightly offended, “Puppy? Seriously!?”

Niall laughed, almost throwing himself out of his seat again if Harry didn’t hold on to him, saying, “True, your eyes alone. Puppy-Eyes”

“I hate you”

“We love you” Louis reciprocated, planting a kiss on Liam’s cheek who couldn’t help the little smile creeping up on his face.

The doorbell had rung somewhere in between that conversation, but Liam’s mother had answered the door, so the boys had ignored it. They couldn’t anymore when there was a knock on the doorframe and Karen entered with two policemen in uniforms.

The boys all were quiet looking up with wide eyes, not sure what was going on.

“Good morning” the elder looking man said with a rough voice while his younger colleague just stood there watching.

They all mumbled an unsure greeting.

“Greg was around and he knew you boys were supposed to come down to the station later, so he thought he’d stop by making things easier for you” Karen explained quickly, unable to hide her nerves.

“That actually makes things a lot easier, thanks” Louis said, nodding thankfully, but couldn’t help joking around a little, “Getting these clowns places never goes well”

Harry and Niall were quick to protest with Niall throwing a piece of the fruit he was eating with his pancake in Louis’ direction. Louis ducked quickly and laughed as Liam shook his head, “Stop that”

Harry smirked before throwing another piece of fruit at Liam who scowled at first, followed by a little laugh.

“Seriously, guys, not now” Zayn finally emerged his head from where it had been resting against Liam, opening his eyes fully.

“We need to talk to you first, Liam” the officer addressed the injured boy and Liam paled a little before stuttering out, “C-can they stay?”

“Sure”

“Can we keep eating?” Niall asked next, earning a groan from the rest of the table.

“Alright, only if we can get some tea as well” the officer laughed as he pulled up another chair, before addressing Karen, “We won’t take long, Karen, don’t worry”

Louis got up and made two more cups of tea, well, he tried to only make two more but both Harry and Zayn wanted more as well. Once everyone had tea, they settled around the table the boys looked at the officer expectantly.

“Since this is not the first time we are doing this… are you actually going to talk to us this time?” the man Karen had called Greg before asked with a tired looking sigh, “There’s just not much to do when you don’t tell us what happened and we have to guess”

“Even if we tell you what we saw and why we got involved? Ruth was there, too” Zayn asked before Liam even had the chance to react. Liam leaned forward, resting his left arm on the table, and supporting his head with his hand. He felt tired already.

“If it’s more comfortable for you, you boys can start” the younger police officer now said, participating in the conversation for the first time, “We have been sent your hospital records by your team already, by the way”

“Well, Liam and Ruth were out yesterday when we arrived here since we wanted to meet up before leaving to have a few more days off before our next show on Sunday and their parents told us where to find them. We all walked through the park to meet them at the ice cream place they had gone to, but they were already on their way back” Harry started, slowly recalling the last day.

Louis nodded, “We heard yelling and went to look what was going on and saw Ruth yelling and crying while someone was holding her back and four other people were going at Liam, hitting and kicking him while he was already on the ground. We ran over and tried to stop them but, yeah, they didn’t exactly want to. We got two to stop pretty quickly, but we don’t know who they were. Jason and Michael, we knew, and they wouldn’t stop hurting Liam. The other one who had been holding Ruth off ran away the first second he saw us while the others targeted Niall and Liam. At some point they got scared because we were more, I guess and they ran, but Niall was on the floor with a broken wrist and they broke Liam’s collarbone sometime in between”

Niall nodded, “Jason pushed me when I tried to get him off Liam and I fell on my wrist and then he held Liam down and Michael went crazy. Lou and Zayn then managed to get them off, but only after dealing with the other two who ran away while Harry came over to me.”

“We really didn’t fight them, just tried to pull them off Liam” Zayn emphasised again.

“Can you name the boys full names?” the youngest officer asked.

“No, we only know Michael and Jason from when they showed up at our concert” Harry sighed, before turning to Liam.

“Andy was there too” Liam’s voice was barely above a whisper, “And the Harris twins. But Andy was just there to hold Ruth back. He never hits me”

“Liam, he was there, he helped them, that’s just as bad” Zayn frowned.

“They used to beat up his little brother, too. He’s just trying to protect him” Liam replied, looking just exhausted as he leaned a little further forward.

“What happened before your friends showed up?” Greg asked now, looking at Liam intensely.

Liam shrunk a little in his seat as he opened his mouths and needed a few tries before the words came to him, “W-we were just walking and then… Michael was yelling at me and I stopped because I got scared… I just should have run away, I got good at it, but yeah… I messed up… I just… someone grabbed me, I didn’t even see and pushed me and Ruth was crying and I know I managed to hit one of the twins really bad, he fell down but then they got more angry and I couldn’t stop them, I don’t know”

“Luv, there were four on top of you when we found you, there was no way you could have fought them all off, even if you got in a few good hits” Louis told him gently, “Hell, we had trouble after one of them ran and we were all still standing up”

Zayn pointed at Liam’s shoulder and stated with a sad look, “And we definitely weren’t fast enough cause they still hurt you really bad”

The young police officer asked for their full names for clarification which Liam listed off before Greg asked, “Why did you not come and report it straight away?”

“Well, we went to the hospital and Lou called our tour manager because we needed to tell them about Niall’s wrist he plays the guitar during our shows and we didn’t know whether Liam was okay and we also didn’t really know what to do because we couldn’t reach Liam’s parents and we were a little freaked out by Liam’s collarbone looking all wonky” Harry tried to explain with wide eyes.

“You are all wonky” Liam told him with a little glare, taking his words as a little bit of an insult.

“And you are really bad at comebacks” Louis laughed before reaching up to mess up Liam’s hair who sent him a glare.

“Why did they target you, Liam?”

Liam shrugged but froze mid shrug, gasping in pain as he sat up and grabbed his shoulder with his other hand, “Ah, shit, uhm… Michael w-was angry”

“Why?” the younger officer inquired but Liam still had his face scrunched up in pain with his eyes closed taking a few deep breaths. The other boys watched worriedly.

Niall chose to answer for him, “Liam talked to his mum about them bullying him back in school and she went to talk to Michael’s mum about it who told him. That’s what Michael said at least while beating Liam up”

“Is that true, Liam?” Greg asked with a sigh to which Liam nodded carefully, the initiate pain fading away now.

“All five of them bullied you in school?” Another timid nod followed.

“And it wasn’t just Jason like you told us back when your parents called us after you got hurt the second time?” Greg asked to which the younger police officer looked at him with a little confusion.

“No…” Liam sighed, “I didn’t want them to get more angry at me… they used to do that all the time and I was scared… Mostly it was Jason and Michael though… they only asked Andy and the Harris’ for help when I managed to fight back once and actually hurt them. I mean… two of them were hard enough to get away from but when there were five all I could do was run the second I saw them…”

“So… you lied and said you both got in a fight which landed both of you in detention instead of telling us what was really going on?” Greg clarified.

“I’m sorry” Liam muttered, “I thought it was my fault… I mean that must have been the reason that I didn’t have friends… and I didn’t think anyone would believe me… mum loves Michael and his sisters, they are great and Jason is everyone’s favourite and no one likes me and it wasn’t that bad, it was just a broken arm that second time”

“We know that you are trying to get a restraining order on Jason…” Greg mentioned looking at his notes.

“M-my parents… and our tour manager wanted to… I didn’t-I just… they did… b-because he gets angry a lot” Liam started stuttering, unable to express his thoughts. Greg looked up a little confused at how scared Liam reacted, “Liam, it’s okay. I was just going to advise you to extend it to Michael”

“Oh” Liam seemed surprised at that, blinking in confusion, before asking, “Why?”

“Because the both of them seem to be the ones instigating all of this. They put you in the hospital… what? Four times already, don’t you think that is enough?” Greg asked with a raised eyebrow, “I knew back then that you were not telling us the truth. My partner Chris here wasn’t with me back then, but I remember this. Just like I know Jason and his brother very well”

Louis spoke up, loudly, sounding a little angry as he asked, “If you know everyone so well why did no one ever see what they did to Liam?! Why did no one care enough to stop it?!”

“No victim, no crime” Greg simply stated, “Evidence would be great as well”

“That’s a stupid excuse” Niall replied a little softer but still looking upset.

“They keep hurting Liam and everyone in this town is like ‘Yeah, well, that happens’ or ‘But they are such nice boys’, and they keep scolding Liam, like those damn nurses!” Zayn said in a deep growl.

“Oh, right, if they hadn’t been taking care of Niall and Liam, I would have yelled at them” Louis remembered with an angry glint in his eye to which Harry laughed, “You definitely glared enough”

Liam groaned a little at that. He felt embarrassed while still being on edge about this whole conversation. He was uncomfortable and his head hurt from all the questions. Louis who almost always seemed to sense the slightest shift in his mood slung an arm around his back, pulling him against his side, “You okay?”

“Headache” Liam mumbled truthfully as he let himself sink against Louis slightly, “But I’m okay”

“We only have a few more questions and then we’ll only need to talk to Ruth and the other five boys” the younger police officer offered with a glance at his notebook in comfort, but Liam only whimpered at that.

“Don’t tell them I talked to you, please” Liam almost pleaded at Greg who couldn’t help an amused chuckle.

“We need to get their statements as well, Liam” Greg said.

“C-can you do it after we are gone?” Liam asked, his eyes seemingly glassy as he took in a few shaky breaths.

“We need to talk to them today” the man shook his head.

“No, no, no” Liam shook his head, “They’ll kill me”

“Liam, calm down, it’s okay” Zayn told him softly as he scooted closer, putting his arm around his back.

“We won’t let it happen again, luv” Louis added, “Come on, take a deep breath”

Liam nodded but the boys knew he was barely holding on, concentrating on breathing too hard and focusing on one certain spot at the table, not looking away at all. The officers asked a few more questions, which the boys answered, and Liam didn’t do any more than shake or nod his head slowly. When the two officers stood up and said their goodbyes, Liam turned further towards Louis, trying to hide his face as he gasped, inaudibly “C-can’t breathe”

“You are okay, slowly, in and out, luv” Louis told him, “They won’t hurt you again, I promise, this time for real”

“We are sorry we weren’t there to stop them in time” Zayn added, hugging Liam gently.

“Are you boys going to be okay? Do you want us to send Karen in?” Greg asked with a worried glance when he saw Liam start to cry and struggling to breathe.

“We’ve got him, not the first time and won’t be the last. Thanks though” Niall explained.

“Were waiting for it to happen to be honest” Harry sighed as he got up from his seat to get in a hug for Liam as well who was still clutching at Louis.

The officers watched for a moment, observing how the four boys tried to calm Liam down, who was crying on about how the others were going to hurt him again and how it was all his own fault. They saw the anger glistening in Louis’ and Zayn’s eyes as well as the sadness and slight fear and worry in the younger two boys. At the same time, they could see that they all had a part to play and knew what to do to help Liam. The police officers let them be after just a few moments before returning to their job.

Niall and Harry were crying as well just minutes later with Liam wrapped in hugs between Zayn and Louis, still sobbing his eyes out and gasping for air at the same time.

“If I ever see those bastards again, I will fuck them up” Louis said after a little while longer, unable to contain his anger but Zayn hushed him quickly. Liam needed a long time to calm down, his crying not stopping even then. Niall suggested after a while, “We should go back upstairs. Don’t think Liam is up for another family meeting or discussion or whatever”

They all agreed, and Louis pulled Liam up into a standing position but the other was still leaning on him heavily.

“Tell me if I’m hurting you” Louis warned Liam as he gently lifted him up in his arms before walking ahead to the stairs. Niall ran ahead overtaking them on the stairs to open the door for them. Once Liam was sat down on his bed, he was already on the verge of passing out, tears still running down his face at the same time. Louis and Niall sat down on the edge, staying with him as Zayn and Harry had taken to cleaning up the kitchen. Karen came back in after a while, asking where the other three were and how their conversation with the police officers had gone.

Harry replayed the conversation before Zayn added, “Then Liam had another panic attack, Louis took him upstairs so he could calm down and rest a little”

“Panic attacks…” Karen sighed, sitting down at the table, “We didn’t even know about them either… we saw some interviews and it was mentioned and we… we thought it was an exaggeration… I feel like… we missed so much”

Harry and Zayn looked at each other, not sure how to react.

“I’m sorry, go on ahead I will take care of this” she said, “You boys are the sweetest and even if I don’t know much, I know he loves having you around”

The two boys were out of the kitchen and up the stairs within seconds. They opened the door to see Louis rubbing calming circles on Liam’s sides and Niall sitting next to them crying. Louis was whispering assuring words to a sniffling Liam that had his eyes closed. Zayn climbed into bed on Liam’s good side, lying down on his side and throwing his arm over Liam’s stomach, resting his head on his shoulder, cuddling him. Meanwhile Harry hugged Niall who was obviously upset.

Niall was upset which in turn upset Harry after a while and soon both of them were too emotional to do anything. While Zayn kept on cuddling with Liam who after a while seemed to be about to fall asleep, Louis had tried to talk to them softly, assuring them that Liam was fine, and everything would be better in a few days. Liam didn’t feel good when he woke up just half an hour later. His headache had returned in full while his shoulder was throbbing awfully. The only nice feeling was Zayn cuddled warmly against his side.

“Hey” Zayn said softly but it still send waves of pain through Liam’s skull, making him wince. Louis was by their side the second he had heard Zayn say something, watching Liam’s movement since like a hawk.

“If you need more pain meds you can take some” Louis whispered as softly as possible after a moment. Liam just opened his eyes back up from where they had fallen close again after waking up. Zayn sat up, away from Liam, jolting him just the slightest bit as his movement made the mattress move a little. Liam gasped a little before finding Louis’ eyes and looking at him pleadingly. Louis nodded slowly, grabbing the bottle of pain pills he had been prescribed and asked, “Niall, Harry, could one of you get some water?” Niall and Harry both jumped up and left the room to get some water. Apparently, that was not something either of them could do alone.

Liam grimaced as he used his healthy side to try and push himself up. Zayn and Louis saw him shaking and were quick to each put a hand behind his back and help him into a sitting position with Zayn propping a few pillows up behind him so he could lean back. Liam was panting heavily again from exhaustion, already.

“There you go, luv” Louis said softly, “You are okay”

“Dizzy” Liam just simply said, to let Louis know what was bothering him.

“Because you sat up or before already?” Louis asked, eyes widening just a little.

“F-first” Liam explained, letting his eyes slowly drop closed again, “Everything hurts”

“It’s probably just his concussion still messing with him” Zayn explained slowly, “As long as it doesn’t get worse…”

“Don’t like it” Liam complained with a little frown.

“Fuck, Li… I wish we could help you more than this” Louis sighed as he saw Niall come back inside holding a few water bottles. He grabbed one and then gave Liam his pain meds, making him drink some water afterwards as well.

“Let’s see if these help a little” Zayn sighed, before turning to Niall, “Where’s Harry?”

“On the phone” Niall shrugged, with a little yawn, “I can’t believe I’m tired again…”

The blond grabbed a bottle of water as Louis did the same.

“We should figure out whether we are going to get on the flight later today or not…” Zayn said, “We were supposed to leave in the evening”

“We probably should have asked whether Liam was allowed to fly, yet…” Louis sighed, “Damn… I really don’t think this will be comfortable for Liam either way”

Liam made an agreeing sound, not opening his eyes, before stating, slowly, “R-really don’t want to fly… probably should stay h-home ‘til the s-show”

“We could still do something, drive somewhere” Niall suggested, “Would probably be much nicer. Harry and I can look something up, later”

“Yeah, we could try and get like an Airbnb near the sea. It would be quite the drive, but road trips are fun” Zayn agreed with an enthusiastic nod.

“Only if I am driving!” Louis smirked as he called it out, while Niall frowned, “Half of us don’t even have their licence, yet”

“Oh, right, I forgot, I am still driving, just in case one of you decides to protest” Louis shrugged.

“M sorry a-about all this…” Liam looked at them with now sad eyes.

“It’s not your fault” Louis immediately argued.

“Still… was looking forward to… it” Liam replied, before frowning down at himself, “Stupid broken bone”

It made Louis and Niall laugh a little just before Harry came back, face looking grim, “I talked to Paul”

“What’s wrong?” Zayn asked, while Liam let out a soft groan, letting his head roll from one side of the other with a grimace.

Harry looked at their friend, hesitating before continuing, he wasn’t sure whether Liam was alright or not but when nothing else came from the injured boy, he said, “Management is freaking out. Apparently, they want us back earlier than promised. Things are tense and Paul is pissed at them.”

“What?” Louis asked, not really following along, “Why are they freaking out and why would we need to go back earlier?”

Harry sighed, “It confused me”

“Just repeat what he said, then” Zayn groaned, “Come on or we’ll have to call him back”

“I don’t feel good” Liam interrupted them, surprising all of them as he sat forward a little, face pale and eyes pressed together in concentration.

“Shit” Zayn groaned.

“Define not good” Louis ordered Liam with an alarmed expression. Reaching out to do something but dropping his hands mid-air, unsure of what to do. Zayn asked, “Are you going to be sick or is it the dizzy thing you said before?”

“D-don’t know” Liam groaned, pulling his legs up so he could rest his head on his knees.

“Will you feel better if you lie back down?” Louis asked now, “You felt worse when you sat up before, right?”

In the meantime, Harry had gotten up and brought Liam’s trash can over just in case he really got sick. Liam didn’t answer Louis’ question, probably not sure himself what the better idea was. They sat around for a few tense seconds, seeing their friend struggle and fail. With another painful groan Liam moved forward, trying to grab the trash can from Harry who held it for him instead as he threw up. He heaved a few times violently, bringing up only a little bit as he had barely eaten and mostly just had tea that morning.

“Shit” Louis just said, eyes wide, unsure on how to act or what to do. Niall handed Liam a few tissues once it seemed that he was finished as he had tears running down his face.

“You think you are done?” Harry asked and after receiving a timid nod he took the trash can away to clean it up.

Zayn had kept a hand on Liam’s back the whole time trying to steady him and felt him almost completely fall against him, so slid further behind Liam to hold him upright. The injured boy didn’t seem to mind as he let his eyes drop closed again. His stomach was still churning painfully but he didn’t think he was going to throw up again. Harry, who came back from the bathroom with a clean trash can which he placed next to the bed said, “It’s probably because you didn’t eat more than half a pancake before you took the meds this morning and nothing at all before you took the other round. I hope it wasn’t the concussion because that would be pretty bad”

Liam nodded very timidly again, “S-sorry” The boy’s voice was raspy and sounded rough, making the rest of the band wince.

“You probably don’t want to but you should eat something soon and we should get some lunch as well” Harry said looking at the clock, “If you throw up again we’ll have to call back the hospital and see what they say”

“Damn” Louis sighed, then told Liam, “You want to lie back down and take a nap while we figure out lunch and stuff?”

Liam seemed to hesitate for a moment but nodded then. Louis smiled a little relieved that he had suggested something good at least after being a little overwhelmed for the past few minutes. Him and Zayn helped Liam lie down comfortably again as Harry suggested, “We should probably talk downstairs then…”

“Do you guys need me?” Niall asked with tired eyes, looking at Louis, “Can I stay? M tired”

“Of course, luv, come here and stay with Liam” Zayn and him moved out of the way and held up the blanket that was covering Liam so Niall could slide in beside him before covering them both again.

“How’s your wrist feeling?” Zayn asked sitting back down beside him and gently placing his hand on Niall’s shoulder.

“Aches” Niall shrugs, “Only really hurts if I try and move it around a lot otherwise not really”

“Alright, tell us if that changes, okay?” Zayn tells him softly, “And call for us if either of you need anything, we’ll just be downstairs”

“Wake me if there’s food” Niall mumbled with a nod which made the three other boys chuckle as they promised before leaving the room. Niall cuddled close to Liam, resting his head against Liam’s arm since it was his uninjured side and whispered softly, “Hey, Li?”

“Hm?”

“I’m sorry you feel bad… tell me if it’s worse, even if I fall asleep” Niall said slowly, blinking at Liam who was not opening his eyes as he replied.

“Mhm”

“Sleep well, love you, Liam” Niall sighed out before closing his eyes not expecting another answer.

Meanwhile the other boys had run downstairs and had straight up interrupted Karen who was sitting in the kitchen at the table on the phone with a laptop in front of her. Louis faintly remembered Liam mentioning that she works part time from home and felt guilty for interrupting her. She quickly wrapped up the call before telling them to come in and asking what was wrong. Apparently, the boys all looked as worried as they were. Recalling what had happened, Karen nodded knowingly, “We’ve always had that problem with Liam… When he was in the hospital when he was younger, he used to be in a lot of pain and it often made him throw up, which he hated. I mean… we couldn’t really blame him, it was horrible what he had to go through… but now, whenever he is hurt or not feeling well, he’ll just refuse to eat and that usually makes it worse, because… well, you just saw what happens when he takes pain medication on an empty stomach… I should have warned you, but when you were all eating breakfast, I assumed he was doing okay this morning and once the police showed up, I didn’t really think of it anymore”

“It’s okay… we were just really scared it might have been from the concussion…” Harry started.

“I can’t promise you that this is what happened but it’s the most likely” Karen interrupted him, “Maybe keep an eye on it once you boys leave tonight, especially, but other than that I would wait for now”

“Right… we need to figure that out as well” Zayn groaned, confusing the woman a little.

“We are having some trouble with management and Liam doesn’t really want to get on a plane right now… so we might not be leaving as planned” Louis explained, “Which is why we came down here in the first place. We need to make some calls and stuff and didn’t want to wake Niall and Liam. They were both exhausted”

“Right, is Niall okay?” Karen asked a little worried, “He got hurt as well”

“Yeah, he’ll be okay” Zayn chuckled, “Niall and Harry are like babies. They eat a lot, sleep a lot and are very sensitive”

“Hey” Harry protested but then added, “Why is that true?”

“That description also fits most teenage boys” Karen laughed, “Why don’t you guys go to the living room. No one should disturb you there for a while. I need to finish up some work”

“Thanks, oh, wait, we also wanted to get some lunch soon” Louis was already halfway through the door when he realised, “We were wondering if we could order some stuff, are there any good places around?”

Karen nodded and got up to rummage through one of the cupboards, pulling out the menu from some place, “If you want Liam to eat without complaining get any pasta dish from this Italian place. He loves them and his dad hates them, so we don’t often get it”

“Nice” Harry grinned, grabbing it from her, “I’d die for some pizza right now”

They ordered something to eat for all of them and even asked Karen whether she wanted something. But she declined, opting to eat with her husband later that day instead. While waiting for the food to arrive, Harry recalled his conversation with Paul. Since they could not plan or organise anything during their days off without knowing when they were needed back, they decided to call Paul again.

“Simon and the rest of your team are pissed at you guys. I’ve been trying to calm them down and let you boys have some rest, but they are blaming you for all this. Once the police report is written up and everything, they might believe you when you say you only defended yourselves. Right now, they are trying to get you guys sued for breaking your contracts by fighting.”

“Harry told us that already, it’s total bullshit” Louis replied angrily.

“They want you back to clear all this up in person” Paul said, “But I told them they couldn’t just put Liam on a plane with how injured he is right now. Well, they are trying to get a bunch of different opinions right now until one idiot doctor tells them what they want to hear”

“Bloody hell” Louis cursed.

“They can do that?” Zayn asked, “That sounds slightly illegal to be honest”

“Grey area” Paul told him, “Since it is technically possible, they want Niall to play the guitar as well”

“That’s just plain stupid” Harry said, “He’s going to mess up his wrist if he does that”

“That’s what I tried telling them. It’s a mess. You boys know I just want the best for you but there’s not much more I can do for you. I talked to Simon just before you boys called, and he said he wants to see you tomorrow since all of you apparently have ignored his calls. The label scheduled a meeting with you Sunday morning before the show”

“So, our last few days off are practically cancelled just like that?” Harry asked hollowly, “But Liam and Niall are hurt, they need like a few sick days”

“There are no sick days in this business… well with your management” Paul laughed a little at that.

“So, we need to be in London tomorrow evening? Or would it be enough if we arrived in the afternoon?” Louis asked, “We need to get a plan sorted. We also won’t fly; we’ll drive down to London because I won’t put Liam on a plane right now.”

“We could take the train, it’d be faster” Harry suggested instead and was met with an immediate no from Zayn and Paul while Louis seemed to contemplate it.

“Why not?” Harry frowned.

“Fans” was all Zayn told him with a glare, “You should know better”

“I’ll get you boys a rental car, you don’t have yours up there, do you, Louis?” Paul asked.

“Nah, it’s back in London” Louis explained.

“Alright, I’ll have it at Liam’s house at ten in the morning tomorrow. You are having lunch with Simon, then, in London and we’ll go from there” Paul said, “Take care of the other two, alright?”

“We will” Harry promised, “See you”

“Bye” Louis and Zayn added.

The boys didn’t have much time to think about what was going as the doorbell rang and they all went up to get some food. They went back upstairs to wake up Niall and eat in Liam’s room. Niall was almost fully on top of Liam when they entered, having cuddled close and resting on the older boy’s chest with a soft snore. Liam didn’t seem to mind as he was fast asleep as well, lying on his back, slightly turned to his healthy side which was occupied by Niall.

“Boys, Niall, Liam” Harry called out as he sat down at the foot of the bed, pushing Niall’s feet out of the way. The blond grumbled, kicking back at his band mate subconsciously, almost sending him off the bed.

“Hey!” Harry called with a frown as he had to hold on to the bed frame to keep himself upright, “Niall, food is here”

It just earned him another kick, much less aggressive as Niall let out a groan, tightening his arms around Liam who he was holding on to.

“Ow” Liam seemed to wake up from the pain it caused him. Niall immediately loosened his grip, mumbling a guilty, “Sorry, Li”

Liam sighed at that a little and it looked as if he was ready to fall right back asleep again.

“No, hey, up you two, we got food and you need to eat” Louis shook Niall’s shoulder, moving both of them enough to grab their attention.

“No, let us sleep” Niall whined, hiding his face in Liam’s neck. Even though it was his uninjured side it still jostled Liam enough to wince. Niall didn’t see or hear it as he stayed just where he was, “M so tired and sore”

“Come here and let Liam breathe for a moment, would you?” Zayn sat down on the side of the bed, barely fitting and opened his arms for Niall who immediately flung himself at Zayn, cuddling him instead. Louis sat next to Harry on the food of the bed, grabbing his water bottle from before, taking a few sips as Harry started to pull all the food containers out of the takeout bag. Liam was still in the same position he had been the moment the boys entered; eyes closed though he was awake now.

“We got a little of everything” Louis announced, “What do you want, Niall?”

“Pizza” Niall mumbled from where he was sitting between Zayn’s legs who was leaning against the headboard while Niall was resting against his chest.

“Give me one of that pasta things I can’t pronounce” Zayn asked, holding out his hand impatiently while Harry held out an opened pizza box for him to take a slice. Louis passed the other boy one container and a fork before turning to Liam who was now blinking up at him still a little hazy, “What about you?”

“I still feel weird…” Liam admitted, voice still laced with sleep and eyes looking unsure as he turned on his side before managing to sit up with gritted teeth.

“Just try and eat a little, you can always stop if you feel worse” Harry said with a shrug, “But if you plan on taking any more pain meds you really should try”

Liam groaned a little thinking back to just about an hour ago then nodded slowly, careful of his movements. Louis placed a container of pasta in Liam’s lap before handing him a fork. At first Liam tried to take it with his right hand until he realised the brace and sling, he was wearing which pretty much made his right side useless.

“Damn” Liam mumbled before reaching out with his left hand, “This is going to suck the next few weeks”

Niall agreed, “Yeah, I hate not being able to do anything with my right arm and my cast is way easier than your thing”

Liam sighed as he started to take a few experimental bites before setting his fork down again.

“Do you feel sick already?” Zayn seemed worried but Liam shook his head slowly, “Not yet”

“Good” Louis commented his mouth full of pizza.

“Why are we eating in my bed?” Liam frowned as he watched Harry drip sauce on his sheets.

“Uhm, because you were asleep? And we didn’t want to make you both get up for this?” Harry sheepishly said, trying to sneakily wipe the stain away, only making it worse which made the other boys chuckle, “M sorry… I’ll clean it up, later, promise”

“Did Harry tell you what Paul wanted on the phone before?” Niall who seemed a lot more alert after eating asked from where he was still sitting between Zayn’s legs, leaning against him.

“Uhm… well, yes” Louis grimaced, “We need to be in London tomorrow for lunch with Simon”

Liam looked up with wide eyes, softly asking, “What? But… we- I … time off”

“No, absolutely not, that’s bullshit” Niall sat up now as well, “What the fuck? Why?”

“We called back Paul and there is practically no way around it. Management says we broke our contracts by getting into a fight and damaging our images. They have lawyers involved about it as well apparently” Zayn explained in a low and calm voice, leaning forward to wrap his arms around Niall comfortingly.

“Paul tried to soothe things over, but we need to be there for a few meetings. At least a few of us” Harry said, “We’ll try and give you two as much time off as possible”

Louis had been keeping a close eye on Liam, who had been completely quiet during the conversation and was now pushing his food away, looking at his lap with an unreadable expression. Louis gently nudged his leg a little to get his attention, but Liam didn’t react, so he asked, “You okay?”

This, of course, grabbed the attention of the whole band again, so Liam said in barely more than a whisper, “I’m fine”

“We probably should have done this after you finished eating” Harry sighed, “Getting you to eat when you’re upset is almost impossible”

“M not upset” Liam said in the same tone, not looking up either.

“Right” Louis just said slowly, glancing at Zayn who seemed as unsure as he did.

“Well, just in case you need to hear it” Niall sat up fully, pulling away from Zayn and turning to Liam, reaching out to make him look up. Once Liam was more or less willingly looking at him like a kicked puppy, Niall said, “This is not your fault. You don’t deserve what they keep doing to you and it was our decision to get involved because we love you. We can stand up for ourselves and you did nothing wrong. Also, we’ll figure this out once we get to London, no need to worry too far ahead, Liam. Everything will work out and we are all together in this”

Liam looked at him for a few more seconds and Niall held his gaze, staring right back at him until Liam nodded just the slightest bit and let his glance drop down again. Niall let him go with a soft smile, “Just in case”

“Just in case I also want to add that you need to finish at least half of that” Louis pointed at Liam’s discarded food and to his surprise Liam did follow his command, picking the container back up. He didn’t immediately go back to eating but sat it back down in his lap so he could pick up his fork.

“Right, well, just so you know, Paul is organising a rental car so we can drive down to London tomorrow morning ourselves, so we should pack tonight, well you should, Liam, we are still mostly packed up” Zayn added after a moment of silence.

“I hate packing” Liam complained, looking up at the boys with a grimace.

“I love packing” Harry smiled, “It’s fun to go through my closet and-“

“You are weird, Harry, no on loves that” Niall laughed loudly.

“You can pack for me, then” Liam grinned looking over to Harry who shrugged as it didn’t bother him to actually do so, “We just need to figure out where mum put my suitcase after I unpacked when I came back home”

Harry laughed and offered to go figure it out for them. Liam told him to inform her that they were staying another night here as he was already at it as well. Meanwhile Louis cleaned up what was left of their food, leaving Liam’s container in his lap as he was the only one that wasn’t finished, yet.

“Alright, what do you need besides clothes? We can start packing while Harry is looking for your suitcase” Louis asked, looking around the room. He spotted Liam’s passport on his desk and grabbed it with a grin, “I know that needs to go in your backpack”

Liam smiled a little, “Yeah, my wallet and headphones as well. And my laptop, please”

“Don’t forget the charger, I do that all the time” Zayn added when he saw Louis grab the device off the desk leaving the charger behind. The oldest put the things in Liam’s backpack that he always had on him on tour and grabbed some other things which he put on the corner of the bed which would go into the suitcase later.

“Found it!” Harry suddenly yelled from the doorway as he held up Liam’s empty suitcase, then added in a softer tone, “Your mum wants to talk to you though, downstairs. I think she’s not happy about you leaving tomorrow”

Liam frowned, letting out a soft, “Oh”, before he started scooting to the edge of the bed a little bit uncoordinated. Louis had a hand on his back as he stood up in case, he felt dizzy or sick again, but Liam managed it on his own.

“I’ll be right back” he said before slowly making his way out of the room.

“Sure, we’ll keep packing your stuff” Harry said as he walked to Liam’s closet, “Hope you have no secrets or dead bodies in here”

They heard Liam chuckle slightly as he was walking down the hallway to the stairs. When he was gone Louis and Harry had way too much fun taking apart his clothes and packing his bag for him. While Louis wanted to have fun and pack the weirdest clothes he could find, which were not really much, just a few funky looking shirts and a onesie that probably was a Halloween costume at some point. Harry on the other hand scolded him each time and put it back in the closet, hanging it up neatly as Louis just threw everything on the ground. Not even halfway done, the door opened back up and Liam entered with a frown.

“Hey, what did she want?” Niall asked curiously as he was still cuddling with Zayn on the bed, having watched Louis and Harry amusedly before.

“Uhm… she didn’t want me to go, like Harry said” Liam seemed unsure about his answer as he sat down on the chair in front of his desk instead of the bed with a concentrated look on his face.

“Yeah? Why?”

“She’s worried about how much we work, she said, almost cried which freaked me out a little so she stopped and told me… which almost made me freak out more… I don’t know… this is confusing” Liam tried to explain the conversation he just had with his mother, “I mean we don’t… we don’t talk about that stuff… feelings and so on… and she just tried to I think? I don’t know anymore”

“Huh” Louis let out, looking surprised, “That is what I meant when I said your relationship seemed cold because you didn’t hug, and you don’t talk much either it seems… I don’t know anything different and it confused me that you apparently are scared of the opposite”

“Hmm… weird” Liam sighed.

“Well, it kind of makes sense. Lou is the most open person I ever met and Liam the most closed off and it’s not essentially bad or anything, just different” Harry wondered out loud, “Maybe that’s why you two didn’t get along at first. Two worlds clashing and stuff like that”

Louis laughed at that, “True, maybe, annoyed the hell out of me when you never said what was on your mind”

Liam smiled a little at that, agreeing, “Yeah”

“So, did you talk and is she okay with you leaving tomorrow?” Zayn interrupted their little conversation.

“We talked a little… I don’t think she gets it… she doesn’t want me to go when I just got hurt but she can’t exactly stop me” Liam explained, “And we don’t have that much of a choice…”

“How are you feeling now?” Zayn asked, “I think Niall has more than enough cuddles left if you want a hug”

“No, I’m okay for now, I think…” Liam sighed, then turned to look around the room, “Where did you put the pain meds?”

Louis wen to the side of the bed and picked it off the floor, “You hurting that bad?”

“It was fine until I got up, now I think I might cry, again, if it doesn’t stop soon” Liam admitted, knowing that he was worrying the rest of the band again. He gratefully took the bottle of water that Louis opened for him and set it down on the desk before taking the pills he was handed. It was already so annoying that he couldn’t use both his arms for this, and it must have shown on his face, since Harry chuckled, “Can’t wait for you to get really frustrated with this, Liam. Maybe we will see angry Liam for the first time, not just slightly pissed off Liam”

“Don’t think Liam has it in him to be really angry” Niall replied with a grin as the boy in question just rolled his eyes after taking the meds.

“Want to go back to bed?” Louis asked, ready to help him up again, but Liam shook his head.

“I’m tired of lying around and doing nothing”

“Ah, no, we are in that phase already?” Harry groaned, “I don’t like that Liam, he gets annoying”

Liam glared at him. He knew he was a little annoying when he got bored, but it was nowhere near as bad as a bored Louis or tired Zayn.

“We could go for a walk or something if you feel restless” Louis suggested with a shrug, before asking Harry, “Are you almost done?”

“I don’t think my suitcase was ever packed that well or neatly” Liam commented with an eyebrow raised in appreciation.

“Thanks” Harry smiled, “Almost done. What shoes do you want to take along?”

Liam frowned, “I own like two pairs, they’re downstairs by the door”

“Alright, we’ll bring them back up with us when we come back from our walk” Harry replied, “Other than that you are all packed, get up boys!”

He addressed Niall and Zayn who were still lazily lounging on Liam’s bed and glared at Harry when they realised, they were expected to leave their comfortable positions. Louis dragged them out of bed only moments later and they all went down the stairs to the front door. Liam went to find his mother to let her know that they were going out for a little while then came back. Putting on his shoes presented as a whole new problem Liam realised when he slipped in one shoe and then bent down trying to pull it on fully and tie it. Unable to move his right arm at all he easily lost his balance, not expecting it and tumbled against Zayn next to him who quickly grabbed him around his waist, trying to steady Liam, “Woah there, steady”

Louis grabbed Liam’s left arm and helped him stand up again, “You alright? Might want to sit down to put on shoes in the near future, luv”

“This is stupid” Liam groaned but then he realised that Harry was just finishing tying up Niall’s shoes and he didn’t feel as embarrassed anymore.

“I tried doing them on my own but my fingers didn’t want to listen” Niall said, he looked down at Harry who was kneeling next to him, “Harry said he’d rather do it than watch me struggle, so it is more than okay for you to sit down to put your shoes on”

Liam nodded with a soft smile, it was true and sometimes he just needed to be reminded that not everything he does is an inconvenience. He sat down on the first steps on the stairs leading up to the next floor and Louis pushed his shoes over to him so he could grab them off the floor. It took a while but with only one hand and leaning forwards despite the pain he felt all over his battered body, he managed to put on his shoes and tied them by himself. Harry pulled him up and they all went outside for a walk. They ended up moving towards the park since it was the only really interesting place in this small town apart from the few shops and the café or restaurant. Niall and Louis somehow managed to find an abandoned football laying in a bush and started kicking it around. Harry joined them while Zayn and Liam stood back. Liam itched to run around as well, having a little fun but he knew it would not end well. The pain meds made him feel a little woozy and every movement send waves of pain through his body. While his collar bone might be hurting the most, he still had various bruises on his torso, chest and legs that were all aching and burning whenever he moved the wrong way. Liam could see the bruise beneath Zayn’s eyes fade already even though it was still visible while the cut on Louis’ eyebrow was almost fully healed or at least enough that you couldn’t even see it anymore. Niall luckily didn’t have any bruises in his face anymore and Liam shortly wondered how his face looked like. While they used to not hit him in the face back in school, Michael and Jason had not cared at all this time. He knew they had hit him in the face and the nurse had to clean off blood of his face back at the hospital. It probably wasn’t pretty.

Harry, who was the least coordinated out of the band had completely misjudged his force and kicked the ball over to Zayn and Liam, who both laughed as Liam went to kick it back with a soft push but the second his leg left the floor, he lost his balance again. Zayn caught him again while the ball somewhat went into the direction that it was meant to.

“Your balance is really off, babe” Zayn chuckled as he kept his arm around Liam’s lower back, “Not sure if I should let go of you at all again, today”

“Probably not” Liam sighed as he tried to let his head fall on Zayn’s shoulder but groaned as it pulled at his collarbone and he had to hold his head up by himself instead. They watched the other three for a little while in silence before Zayn spoke up again, “You are overthinking again, I can hear it… what’s on your mind?”

Liam turned to glance at him with a frown, “How did you guys get so good at this? You used to not be able to tell anything I was feeling”

“You started opening up a little and from then on you are really easy to read actually, now spill” Zayn smirked.

“Huh… well, just thought about what the doctor said… this will take at least six weeks to heal and even then, it’ll be almost three months until it is fully back to normal… I’m really not looking forward to this, at all, it’s going to be bad with the tour and the interviews and music video and all that stuff we are supposed to do” Liam explained with his frown deepening more and more with each word he said.

“We’ll try and help you as much as possible, you won’t be alone in this. It definitely sucks, but we’ll be there to help” Zayn offered the little comfort he could. Because Liam was right, it was not going to be fun to be on the road injured, let alone perform every night.

“Watching them have fun almost makes it worse. Why couldn’t they just break my arm again? That was easier!” Liam complained, turning so he was facing Zayn instead of standing next to him and letting his head drop forwards against Zayn’s shoulder. This time it didn’t hurt as much as he wasn’t leaning to the side, fortunately.

“Want to go ahead and walk a little further?” Zayn suggested, “Maybe walk off some of your energy that’s making you all grumpy?”

Liam glared at him, “I’m not grumpy”

But the both of them did end up walking away a little after Zayn yelled across the open field that they were going ahead without them. It wasn’t a big park or a big town, so they ended up crossing the park and walking around it back twice in no time while the other three played on. During their third round there were suddenly a lot more people, young people walking towards them. Liam saw Zayn’s confusion and laughed softly, “School’s out, they are all walking home”

A few of the younger kids looked at them in awe when they passed by and started whispering, obviously recognising them. Some of the older ones ignored them, while some glared and others greeted Liam overly friendly to which he just nodded or offered a soft, “Hi” before walking faster, Zayn just following his lead.

They could hear yelling just as they were getting closer to where they had left the other boys and both stopped dead in their track, turning to look at each other, before picking up their pace and running towards the field. They definitely could hear Louis yell and swear first. What surprised them was the female voice that while not cursing, still sounded angry and Liam recognised it, he just didn’t know how or where from.

Harry was trying to hold back Louis who was fighting against him, looking the most furious Liam had ever seen him. Liam’s heart skipped when he saw Niall lie on the floor just behind him, just trying to pick himself back up slowly. A girl was standing with her back to Louis and Harry, she was screaming at Andy, Liam realised and slowed down. Andy and Jason were the reason Louis was so upset. They looked angry, albeit not as much as Louis did. Jason was trying to get past the girl, Liam now recognised as Sophia. He knew her and she was nice. She also was Andy’s half-sister he remembered, and she was yelling at him.

Zayn who was a few steps ahead now immediately went to Harry and Louis, whispering to the older boy as he grabbed him by the shoulder. Whatever Zayn said, it stopped Louis’ cursing and fighting against Harry. He was still tense and angry but turned away and leaned down to help Niall up, who had just given up, sitting on the floor.

Liam was still standing in quite a distance away as Harry started to walk towards him, an arm around his lower back and guiding him to their little circle where Louis was hugging Niall.

“They pushed Niall to the floor” Harry said softly, close to his ear, “Louis punched Jason and then the girl interrupted”

Meanwhile also Sophia had stopped yelling, just holding her hand out with a glare to keep Jason and Andy from walking past her. Zayn now stepped towards them, saying, “What do you guys want? Haven’t you done enough or are you really stupid enough to try this again!?”

He was only met by angry yelling from Jason to which Sophia rolled her eyes, “You had to say something to get him started again, didn’t you?”

She then turned to Andy, “If you don’t get the hell out of here now, I will call Dani and tell her that you did the same thing the fucking police showed up for at your door, again!”

Andy frowned, “I hate you, you know that, right?”

“Get out of here, I’m not warning you again. I’m tired of playing babysitter, Andy!” she said, giving both of them a rather forceful push against the chest. The two boys funnily enough seemed to comply, and she breathed out a sigh of relief before turning to the other group of boys, “You might want to get out as well, Liam. There are people with phones here”

“You didn’t have to do that, Sophia, but thanks” Liam replied softly, from where he had been checking to see if Niall was alright.

“Louis would be in so much trouble without you” Harry laughed, patting a scowling Louis’ head.

“They deserve it” Louis said, “They fucking pushed Niall, again, after breaking his wrist and breaking Liam’s collarbone. They piss me off, alright?”

“Right, I saw that… sorry about that” Sophia winced as she glanced at Liam’s shoulder.

“Saw?” Zayn questioned alarmed.

“Yeah, the video” she replied as if it was obvious.

“Video?” all boys now asked, turning to her with wide eyes.

“Paul would have told us if something was going on, right?” Liam asked with a shaky voice.

“It was uploaded just a few hours ago” Sophia explained, “There was security footage. You were lucky you wear near enough the new playground. They put cameras up there because some people destroyed the place a while back”

“Shit” Liam just said, looking a little panicked.

“I’m just glad they didn’t run into you both before us” Harry replied, looking at Liam and Zayn, “We are not splitting up again, alright?”

“I’m not” Liam replied, “They hurt Niall, again”

“Not to break this very cute and deep conversation up, but you should go” Sophia suddenly spoke up a lot more serious than before nodding behind them. Jason was back, with his other three friends while Andy was not with him this time.

“I can’t blackmail them, only Andy” she explained.

“Let’s go” Louis pushed Niall forward as he started walking, knowing the other two would walk with Liam, who turned back to the girl again, “Seriously, Sophia, thanks!”


	6. Six

They were not followed by the other group of boys to their surprise while walking back home. They were tense entering the home and were met by Liam’s dad who immediately saw that something was going on, “What happened this time? I got worried when your mother said you went on a walk”

“Jason and Andy showed up” Louis gritted angrily through his teeth, “They pushed Niall”

“I’m okay now” Niall supplied with a soft smile even though his expression was saying different. He was looking scared and upset.

“Your hands were bleeding again” Harry argued with him, grabbing his hands to show but they ended in a little fight as Niall absolutely didn’t want to show his hands.

“You’re hurting me” Niall winced at some point, which made the other let go immediately as Niall pulled his wrist against his chest.

“Why don’t you boys go ahead and clean that up?” Liam’s dad suggested, sending the four boys up ahead while asking for Liam to stay for a minute. They sat down in the kitchen.

“Your mother went to see your sisters. She said you were sick earlier, the boys told her. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine” Liam replied, “Just didn’t eat enough apparently and the pain killers made me sick”

“Are you sure? You know we worry about that kind of stuff with you all the time” his dad didn’t seem convinced, “And I talked to Greg earlier…”

“Oh, well…” Liam started but he wasn’t sure what to say to that.

“I also talked to his wife, you know, the one that always criticised us and everything? Well, I think she might be right. We really messed up as parents… regarding you and your social life”

“No, no, you didn’t” Liam frowned at that. He really had no idea what this was about or where this conversation was going.

“We should have seen that something was wrong. More than you just being a little unsocial and rather alone than out with friends. Because apparently you are not like that at all… we realised that when you told us to watch some interviews and the last two days as well… we really messed up and I just want you to know that I am sorry, really sorry. We should have protected you from those boys”

Liam shook his head slowly, his frown turning into a sad glare as his eyes grew glassy. He couldn’t cry now; he couldn’t let his dad see how messed up he really was.

“Liam, come on, don’t do this. I know you want all of us to be happy and try to keep the peace but I wish you were more angry with us” his father told him with a sad smile, “I don’t know how we never saw what you were doing. Always trying to keep everyone happy while you were not”

“Dad, s-stop” Liam managed to say as put together as possible.

“No, I want you to hear this, I need you to… Silvie, Greg’s wife, you know what she always told us back when you were still a kid?” his father asked with a soft chuckle. Liam shook his head slowly.

“You know you almost died twice… it was horrible, and she always said we never acted the same with you after the second time. She always said something of us died back then… and that we were like detached from you, like not emotionally available and all that stuff that we know nothing about” the man couldn’t help a little laugh at that. While they never were a family that hugged much or talked about their feelings, he knew that something had been different with Liam.

“I think she might be right, though. We were just so glad you were alive that we didn’t care about much more. It is weird, though, because I don’t know when it went this wrong. When we got this careless.” His dad looked upset and Liam couldn’t help but let a few tears go. He didn’t know what to say or how to react, because maybe his father was right, but at the same time Liam felt like he wasn’t. He was fine, he didn’t feel like he had missed out on anything and he felt like just because they were not all like Louis it didn’t mean it was bad.

“Liam, I’m sorry, I don’t want to upset you” his dad apologised, seeing his tears, “I don’t know how to handle this to be honest”

“Y-you don’t have to, I’m fine” Liam told him with a little frown, “W-we don’t need to change anything, we are fine”

“I feel like we do, though” his father said.

“No, please, can we not do this? I like how things are” Liam said, growing more and more upset. He liked things how they were, and they didn’t need to change, they weren’t perfect but okay. And with everything being so different when he was on tour, changing cities daily and all the emotional tumult he’d been going through the last few weeks, he couldn’t deal with this.

He could feel himself starting to panic again and he got up from his seat, “I-it’s fine… gonna go upstairs n-now”

“Liam, wait” his father stopped him, grabbing his arm gently and turning him around, “What’s going on?”

“I…” Liam started, but it was getting difficult to explain things, to think straight. He needed to go, he wanted to go to Louis and Niall because they made everything better and he definitely didn’t want to continue this conversation.

“Sit down” his father said softly, pushing him back in his chair, “What can I do?”

Liam shook his head slowly, trying to just focus on his breathing, on keeping calm. He was glad when his father didn’t ask any further questions but just let him be and it helped, Liam could refocus and avoid the panic attack he’d been on the edge of. Still tense and looking scared, he said, “I’m okay now, sorry”

“It’s okay… that’s what you were talking about in the one interview? You have panic attacks?” his father said lowly.

“That wasn’t one…” Liam replied, “Just panicked a little, not like, usually I would have run away to find Lou or Niall”

“They help you with that?” his father asked, his expression unreadable.

“I can do it alone” Liam shook his head, “They just make it easier”

“When did that start?”

“After… after they broke my arm” Liam admitted, gaze dropping to the floor in front of him, “Got a lot worse on tour, in the beginning when we weren’t friends, yet”

His father continued to ask a few more questions before they fell into a comfortable silence for a while. Then the man said with a soft smile, “Your mother will be back soon. Why don’t you go up and see what the boys are up to? Sorry for keeping you so long”

“It’s fine” Liam answered and got up, just as he was about to walk out the room, he turned back around, “Just… don’t change anything. I don’t want things to be different, please”

He didn’t wait for answer, a little scared of it and left the room quickly after that. When Liam got back to his friends his eyes were still a little red rimmed and glassy. Niall and Harry were sitting on the bed both freshly showered as Harry seemed to be taking care of the cuts on Niall’s palm that were still bleeding. Zayn was moving around the room, seemingly cleaning up a little since they all had their bags open and pulled out some fresh clothes apparently. Louis was not in the room, so Liam assumed he was the one currently showering.

“There’s still grass in here or something” Harry frowned as he leaned in closer, “Or something at least”

“Just ignore it” Niall whined, “It hurts when you do that”

“Liam, help” Harry looked up a little helpless, “Niall is being difficult”

Liam walked over slowly and sat down next to them on the edge. He gently took Niall’s broken arm in his hand and held it up to look at his palm, “That looks like glass, can you get some tweezers from the bathroom?”

“Lou is in there, wait, I think I have some in my bag” Zayn replied, stopping Harry who was already up to get them. Zayn handed some to Harry just moments later who passed them on to Liam. The boy took them, having let go of Niall in the meantime who had quickly pulled his arm back with a shake of his head.

“I just wanted Harry to make it stop bleeding, it will be fine”

“If it is still bleeding now, it won’t be fine on its own” Liam said softly, pulling a pillow on his lap before reaching out to grab Niall’s arm again and placing it on the pillow, “Just hold still for two seconds, I only have one hand right now”

Niall wasn’t happy but tried to hold still as much as possible and it really didn’t take long for Liam to fish out the glass and clean up the wound a little. He then requested to look at Niall’s other arm, but the blonde refused, shaking his head frantically. Liam narrowed his eyes, realising that something was going on.

“Niall” Liam sighed and the blond relented, placing his arm on the pillow.

“How do you do that! He wouldn’t even let me look!” Harry cried out looking almost offended.

Liam ignored him as he realised why Niall had hidden his arms, “Shit, Niall, why didn’t you say anything!”

“What’s wrong?” Now Zayn was alerted coming over. They all either winced or gasped when they saw the big piece of glass sticking out of Niall’s palm.

“Can I pull that out?” Liam asked a little unsure looking up at Zayn who shrugged, “I think so?”

“Where is Louis?” Harry asked with a panicked voice, “He probably knows”

Liam sighed getting up, pulling at Niall, addressing Harry, “Let Louis take a shower in peace, would you? Come with me, Niall”

Liam led him down the stairs to find his father still in the kitchen, cleaning up a little, “Dad?”

“Liam?” the man turned around to look at him a little confused at seeing Liam back that quick.

“Look at that” he held up Niall’s arm which was still dripping a little blood, “I pulled out some shards of his other hand, but I don’t know about this”

Liam’s dad made Niall sit down before taking a seat next to him and inspecting the hand, “Yeah, that doesn’t look nice, does it? But I think we can clean that out and wrap it. Just need to make sure it doesn’t get infected”

“Can’t we just leave it?” Niall almost whimpered, looking more than scared.

“I’m afraid we can’t do that” Liam’s father chuckled a little, “It will hurt a lot less once we’ve taken care of this, believe me”

It only took a few moments before Niall had a bandage over the rather large cut and he had to admit it already felt much better. Liam thanked his dad before both of them made their way back up the stairs to find Zayn emerging from the bathroom. Apparently, all of them had now showered and changed apart from Liam.

“You okay now, Niall?” Louis asked from where he was sitting in the middle of the bed next to Zayn, “Good, we are having a game night!”

“Yeah, I’m just going to shower real quick, too” Liam said, “You can already start”

“Do you think we can get away with stealing some more tea from your parents?” Louis asked just as he was walking out the door.

“Sure, my dad’s in the kitchen, just go ask” Liam nodded.

“I like your dad” Niall said with a smile, “Now I know why you are always so calm, he is, too”

Liam just looked at him a little surprised before finally leaving the room. He really suddenly felt exhausted when he locked the bathroom door behind himself. It was a lot harder to get out of his clothes by himself, especially his shirt, but he managed. Unfastening the straps of the brace and sling he was wearing actually hurt a lot. Only realising now how much it stabilised his broken bone, Liam groaned in pain, before stepping into the shower. Even the water falling from above hurt when it hit his shoulder and Liam tried to be as fast as possible. But he didn’t dare move his right arm up or do anything at all with it, so shampooing his hair felt like it took forever.

When he slowly trudged back into his bedroom, he was only wearing some shorts and holding his shirt and brace in the hand.

“You took longer than Louis!” Niall called out, “That’s like forever!”

Louis pushed him, a little offended, but Liam just lifted his arm and said, “Was a bad idea… help?”

“Come here” Zayn waved him over, he’d been occupying the same spot on the bed all day and didn’t plan on leaving it, so he just sat up while making Liam take a seat next to him. While Zayn tried to be as gentle as possible, Liam couldn’t hide the winces and gasps of pain leaving him, whenever either fabric or Zayn’s hand touched anywhere near his shoulder.

“Your dad gave us snacks, eat some and you can take some more pain meds” Louis threw a pack of crackers at Liam who tried to catch it with his right hand before Zayn could finish putting his sling on.

“Ah” Liam realised his mistake too late, hot white pain surging through his body as he curled up.

“Shit, sorry” Louis grimaced but Liam waved him off, still staying curled over. Zayn gently pulled him up a little, trying to fix the brace and sling in the meantime, but it only seemed to hurt Liam more. After holding off for a few moments, Zayn softly said, “Come on, Liam, let me finish putting this on”

“That r-really hurt” Liam gasped as he tried to sit up fully again, “Fuck”

Once Liam was finally able to sit back up without feeling the need to curl up in pain seconds later, Louis passed out the cards while Zayn handed him the snacks he’d been supposed to eat. Liam frowned at him, “Not hungry”

“You are eating or not getting pain meds” Louis stated, voice laced with authority as he didn’t even look up from his cards.

“You’ll throw up again if you don’t eat. If you eat you won’t throw up because the pain meds will stop the pain” Harry told him in a gentler voice, “Come on, Li”

Liam relented but only after he had finished half of his tea and they were in the middle of a game. He hated that he had to put down his cards every time he picked up a cracker or wanted to a sip of his tea. A little while later he found himself leaning back against Zayn who had his arm around his waist with Niall lying down in front of him, head in his lap. He could look at both Zayn’s and Niall’s cards and somehow, he was still losing to Louis, though. Him and Harry were cuddled up at the foot of the bed, both also peeking into each other’s cards every now and then. They stopped for a moment when Louis decided that enough time had passed and told Liam to take his meds. Zayn took the break to bow out of the game, claiming he was tired of thinking and leaned back against the headboard. He pulled Liam a little further back as well, who startled Niall in return by moving.

Niall grabbed Liam’s legs and protested against the movement which made Liam chuckle a little, but they continued the game without Zayn.

Harry groaned after Louis won just another round, “Lou is cheating!”

“Yeah, I know, I am too, and I am still losing” Niall said, throwing his cards in the middle, as Liam said, “Same”

“You guys are cheating?” Louis asked with wide eyes, “Am I the only honest man here?”

“Honest?” Harry sat up laughing, “Right, sure, you did not look at my cards the whole time”

“I didn’t!”

“You did!”

“No, I wasn’t!”

“You were staring at me the whole time!”

“I wasn’t!”

“That’s a lie!”

“Well, I was staring at you, but not your cards!”

“Why would you stare at me and not my cards!”

“Because I like your face!” Louis shouted and froze immediately after. He had not meant to say that, so he quickly followed it up with, “I did not cheat!”

Harry was looking at him with a little confusion but didn’t play along in Louis trying to get back to their little shouting match. Instead he mustered Louis for a moment too long which made Liam interfere, cutting the awkward tension they all were feeling, “Can we play something else? Or do we need to watch you both confess your undying love to each other?”

Niall and Zayn laughed at that while both Louis and Harry looked confused and embarrassed at the same time.

“I want to play something else, too, this is boring since Louis cheats all the time” Zayn added between chuckles.

“I don’t know what you guys are talking about! I wasn’t cheating!” Louis was almost yelling now.

“I’m sorry to interrupt this little… discussion?” Liam’s father’s voice startled the group as they turned to see the amused man standing in the doorway, “But your mother is wondering what you boys’ plans for dinner are”

Liam groaned, letting his head fall back against Zayn’s shoulder, “Not hungry”

“Well, your friends still might be” Liam’s dad answered with a little chuckle.

“We don’t have a plan” Harry informed the man, “But we are all starving!”

“Didn’t we just have pizza?” Zayn asked a little confused, looking at his watch which made his eyes widen in realisation, “Oh, or not”

“We could order something again” Louis suggested, “Or go out and get dinner”

“No, definitely not” Liam sighed, “Not leaving the house again”

“Your mother is starting dinner soon, she just needs to know whether you will join us tonight or have other plans” his father said, interrupting their little conversation again.

“You guys okay with that?” Liam asked looking at the band and then nodded at his dad, “Only if it doesn’t like stress her out to cook that much. We can do-“

“Liam, she really wants to” his father shook his head, “I’ll let her know. Oh, and she is making something with chicken as far as I know”

“Okay, thanks, dad”

The man nodded before leaving the room, the door instead of being closed, was left halfway open.

The boys switched to another card game and went on to play for almost two more hours before they were called downstairs for dinner. Niall and Harry were out of the door without looking back while Louis got up more slowly before helping Liam up as well. The boy needed a second to find his balance with the pain meds still making him a little unsteady. Zayn on the other hand grabbed all the empty teacups and picked up any dirty dishes they had left over from their lunch. Louis saw what he was doing and helped while Liam protested, “I can take care of those”

They made it downstairs just a little later and took everything to the kitchen while Harry and Niall were already at the table, talking to Liam’s dad.

Liam tried to help his friends who were just trying to put their dishes in the dishwasher while his mother was starting to bring out the food to the table. She had told them to just leave it on the counter, but the other two boys waved her off with a smile. Louis seemed to have had enough of Liam as he stopped suddenly, turning towards the boy, and pushed him out of the kitchen, “Go sit down, you idiot, don’t worry we won’t break anything”

Liam could hear his mother chuckle from where she was standing and scowled at Louis who just kept on pushing until he was near the table and Liam gave up struggling. He sat down next to Niall quietly and listened to Harry talk to his father about god knows what. Harry was really good at keeping the conversation going, unlike Liam, and Niall always had something light-hearted and fun to throw in.

It didn’t take long, and Louis, Zayn and Liam’s mum joined them, each placing food on the table. Liam only ate a little while his band mates seemed to be really starving as they ate quite a lot compared to him. They kept up the conversation with his parents, telling them about the tour and everything they did. The boys ended up teasing each other for all the weird things either of them had said during interviews or embarrassing falls they had on stage. Liam joined in on that after having been rather quiet before. When they were almost done eating, Liam realised he didn’t really mind that his two worlds were coming together. He usually doesn’t tell his parents much about his life anymore because he feels so disconnected when he goes back home but right now, he could see how excited they were to hear these things. And maybe he should be talking to them more, even if he didn’t think they’d want to hear it.

“Oh, you boys are just the sweetest” Karen sighed when Harry and Zayn didn’t let her take care of the dishes but insisted on doing so themselves. Louis got up to help them and yelled at Niall and Liam who were about to do the same, “People with broken bones are not allowed to help! Sit back down”

Liam glared at him while Niall seemed actually relieved as he sunk back down in his chair.

“Liam, we are going out in a little while, over to the Johnsons” his father said, looking at the clock.

“Feel free to grab any snacks or tea you boys want, alright?” his mother added, but looked rather at Niall than him as she said so. Knowing that Liam was not the type to snack or eat anything in the evening while the other boys seemed to be in a constant state of hunger.

“Why are you going over there?” Liam asked, his voice tight and laced with suspicion, making Niall look up in confusion, “Because of what we talked about before?”

“Partly, yes” his father admitted with a frown, “We think we might benefit from talking to Silvie a little more”

“I told you not to change anything” Liam complained flatly, looking defeated and tired.

“What’s going on?” Niall asked even more confused now, scooting closer to Liam, looking at him worriedly.

“Liam, we are not, we just think we owe you to try and figure out where everything went wrong. What happened to you was not okay at all and that we never realised is even worse” his father shook his head.

“No, it’s fine” Liam tried to argue.

His voice had alarmed Louis who was suddenly standing in the doorway, asking, “Everything okay?”

No one answered, instead Liam looked at his father pleadingly with his mother seemingly torn between them while her husband seemed determined instead.

“Liam, this is the same situation back when we wanted to get that restraining order Greg had suggested and you refused. We need to change some things; we need to figure this out somehow and we feel like talking to someone who has been telling us for years that something was wrong is a step in that direction”

“It’s not the same” Liam argued.

Niall shook his head, grabbing the attention of the room, “It is. You are scared. Back then you were scared of what they would do and now you are scared that things might change”

Liam shook his head, “Stop, okay, just stop”

He got up from his seat and turned to disappear into the kitchen, pushing the door closed before Louis, Niall or his parents could do anything. Harry and Zayn who had been listening but keeping back looked at him concerned as he just walked over to them and almost threw himself in Zayn’s arms, tears already flowing down his face.

“You are okay, Li, it’s okay, no reason to panic” Zayn whispered, hugging him gently and it worked, it was what he needed and after a few moments he felt like he could breathe again, thinking felt a lot easier than before as well.

“You can’t keep running, Li” Harry said, a gentle and comforting hand on his back as well.

“I’m not” Liam cried.

“You are” Zayn chuckled a little which made Liam punch him half-heartedly, “Alright, alright. You should still talk to your parents. They just want to be there for you, now that they realised that some things aren’t like they should be”

“Did you really just run out to cuddle with Zayn?” Louis asked a little amused.

“No” Liam replied, not pulling away from his friend, “Just needed a hug to calm down”

“Your parents still want to talk to you, though” Niall now called from the other room and Liam realised that they probably had heard him, eyes widening. Louis sighed and grabbed him by his non injured shoulder and pulled him out of the room.

His father looked a lot sadder than before, Liam saw, as he wiped the few tears of his own face. This time his mother spoke up, she seemed upset as well, “If you really don’t want us to go and try and work this out, we won’t. But just… just listen, okay? The thing is, like just now. You got scared and upset and instead of feeling comfortable enough to talk to us, you ran away from us to be comforted by these boys we barely know. It should be the other way around, no matter whether you are friends or not now. You ran away from us to get a hug from someone else and that just doesn’t feel right. That’s not how it is supposed to be, Liam”

“We don’t hug” Liam replied, but he did see her point there, so it sounded a lot more unsure, “It’d be weird if you started now”

“Hugs are one thing” his mother replied, “But you don’t trust us enough to talk to us about what you are feeling”

“I trust you, though”

“You don’t” his father cut in, tone maybe a little harsh but honest, “Not emotionally”

“We want to fix this” his mother replied.

Liam knew that there was no way they would agree tonight. They didn’t understand him. They never did.

“Fine, whatever” Liam resigned.

An uncomfortable pause followed, but in the end, they all just got up. Since the boys had wanted to watch a movie that night, they went to the living room while his parents got ready and eventually left. Liam seemed upset and tense during the rest of the night but neither of the other boys felt the need to push him into a conversation. He probably had enough of that this past week. Instead they all cuddled up, drank tea, and ate some snacks all while arguing about their favourite superheroes. While Zayn, Liam and Harry were rather passionately, Louis moped around for them not discussing any DC characters while Niall just listened amusedly.

Neither of them bothered to go back up to bed, instead Harry and Niall went upstairs to grab their blankets and pillows and they made a nest out of the sofa, all falling asleep eventually until only Louis was left awake. He cleaned up a little, shut off the lights and the tv before resuming his previous position and eventually giving in to his exhaustion as well. They didn’t hear Liam’s parents come home or woke up when they checked on them.

Liam was awake around midnight again though. He knew his parents were back home when he went to use the toilet and saw their shoes in the entry way. His shoulder was bothering him, it was not horrible like the pain he felt when he had tried to catch the snacks Louis had thrown at him before, but enough to keep him uncomfortable and awake. Instead of crawling back on the sofa with his bandmates, that were all over each other, he sat in the armchair, stealing a blanket out of the pile of boys just before. He thought for just a second that Louis was waking up, but the older boy was just turning around a little.

Sitting around alone in the dark quickly got boring but he also didn’t feel like getting up and entertaining himself all while being sore and a little frustrated that he was awake in the first place.

Harry woke up somewhat two hours later if Liam judged right by the clock he only could barely see in the dark. The boy sat up with a yawn, not really aware of his surroundings, yet, then he looked around, at the three other boys around him and Liam guessed, that he realised that one was missing. Because next Harry frantically turned and looked around, searching the room.

“M here” Liam whispered, startling Harry who jumped in his seat and yelling out in surprise.

“Shit!” he said a little lower once he realised it was only Liam, “What the fuck, you gave me a heart attack!”

“You are fine” Liam dismissed his complaint, “Go back to sleep”

“Why are you awake!?”

“I don’t know” Liam replied, even though he knew it was his shoulder keeping him up.

“Well, come back to bed”

“Hardly a bed, Harry and I just got comfortable here” Liam replied.

“Stop talking!” Zayn’s voice sounded angry and exhausted as he also sat up and Liam could feel the glare even through the dark.

“But Liam’s awake”

“Why are you awake?” Zayn asked, turning to Liam.

“Shut up” now Niall was awake as well.

“Oh god…” Liam groaned, “Just go back to sleep, all of you. I’m fine over here and I’m trying to sleep as well, stop worrying”

“Just wanted to check if you were alright” Harry seemed upset.

“You did, and I am” Liam sighed, “It’s okay, go to sleep”

Niall and Zayn seemed assured enough by that while Harry watched him for a little while longer. But the youngest band member couldn’t stop the sleep creeping up on him and Liam was the only one awake again.

“Don’t tell me you were awake all night?” Louis’ voice startled Liam who was still sitting up in the armchair, now reading a book and wide awake early in the morning.

“I woke up around one” Liam supplied, not looking up from his book.

“Ah, shit, well, maybe you can sleep in the car” Louis sighed.

“You said you were going to sleep” Niall frowned when he woke up as well.

“I said I was trying, and I did… it didn’t work, I’m sorry” Liam explained.

“We should get up and get Zayn moving or we’ll never be on time” Louis said even though he really didn’t want to do so as you could hear in his voice. Liam on the other hand had been ready to leave all night technically and got up, starting some tea. Niall and Harry joined him soon in preparing some breakfast while Louis dealt with Zayn. Zayn was grumbling and complaining all through breakfast. After a second cup of tea he seemed to wake up though. Liam on the other hand went from being awake and a rather good mood to tired and grumpy quickly. He forgot to take his pain meds after breakfast and once he realised, he already was in a lot of pain. While waiting for the meds to kick in as the other boys cleaned up and got their luggage out of his room, he kind of wished the soreness and steady but low throbbing of last night back. Niall was sitting with him once again as his parents were woken by all the commotion and came downstairs. His father went ahead and helped the other boys load the car that had already arrived at the house. His mother on the other hand asked him at least three times if he was sure that he wanted to leave. That she’d much rather have him home while he was injured and then worried some more about all the boys being over worked. His father came back in and saved him from that conversation though, “The car is ready, the boys are waiting for you two”

Niall was out the door quickly while Liam was held back. His father had saved him from one conversation but forced him right into the next even more uncomfortable one.

Liam stormed out of the house to the waiting boys with an angry look on his face only ten minutes later. He didn’t say anything though, just climbed into the car, settling down next to Niall as Zayn followed behind him. He had been standing next to the car waiting for Liam to get in. Him and Niall hated sitting in the middle, so Liam had volunteered. Harry and Louis were already up front, looking back at Liam worriedly.

“What’s wrong?” Louis asked, when met with no answer, only a glare, he added, “Spill or we’ll be here forever. Won’t start the car until then”

“Then I’ll get out and walk” Liam grumbled, earning himself a little punch from Niall against his arm. It didn’t hurt but he complained anyways.

“They want us to do therapy, like full on family therapy stuff. Stupid Silvie putting ideas in their heads. We are fine!” Liam finally explained his anger, “I won’t. This is stupid. They can stop pretending to care now, alright?”

“I think they might be right” Harry hesitantly said, “Your mood right now kind of supports that idea”

“No, just fuck off. Even if it’s right, maybe we are emotionally detached or whatever, but I don’t care. It’s good how it is, and I definitely don’t want to start becoming attached!” Liam kicked against Harry’s seat angrily.

Louis turned around to the front and started the car, “Well, at least we know now that forcing you to deal with your trauma brings out angry Liam. We’d been asking for it”

“Fuck you” Liam just told him, but it didn’t sound as angry anymore, just tired and defeated, maybe even frustrated.

“Take a nap, Liam, you’ve been up most of the night and it’s showing” Zayn told him gently. Liam glared at him for a whole minute before tearing his gaze away and opting to stare out the front window instead. He only moved when he realised that Niall was falling asleep sitting up next to him twenty minutes later.

“Come on” he said softly, sounding a lot calmer as he guided Niall to lie down in his lap. Luckily, Niall was short enough and the car wide enough for him to fully lie down and cuddle up in Liam’s lap. It only took seconds from then on for him to fall in a deep sleep.

Louis glanced at him through the rear-view mirror, “Still angry, Liam?”

“No” Liam glared at him but there was no heat behind it.

“Okay, well, while you were inside Harry checked his phone. We have a little problem since we all ignored all calls, even from Paul and apparently, we have a PR crisis going on because of the video this girl told us about, remember? We kind of forgot”

“Shit” Liam sighed, “I forgot, too”

“Lou, way to ruin his mood again” Zayn complained.

“I’m okay” Liam sighed, “Kind of was expecting the worst out of today anyway”

They fell into a comfortable silence after that, each of them caught up in their own thoughts apart from Harry and Louis who exchanged a few words every now and then. Zayn was the first to speak up almost an hour later, “Lou, Harry, look at them”

The two other boys turned around and found Liam fast asleep now as well. He was slumped over and cuddling with Niall who was clinging to him in his sleep.

“Adorable” Louis laughed while Harry decided to capture the moment in a picture with Zayn sitting next to them smirking widely.

“Liam will kill you” Zayn smirked.

“Great, I’ll post it and see how bad he’ll kill us” Louis laughed out loud and handed Harry his phone, “Go post it for me, please!”

“Not only Liam will kill you but Paul as well, I thought we were not allowed to make any statements?” Zayn asked.

“It’s not a statement” Louis shrugged.

As it turned out, it was a statement, at least in Paul’s book. Because he called barely five minutes later, berating Louis for what he did. Apparently, it was bad, but Louis just shrugged it off and then got mad when Paul’s loud voice woke both Niall and Liam.

“Great, you woke them, bye” Louis just hung up on the man as he glanced in the back, seeing Liam’s pained face and Niall didn’t look that great as well.

Niall whimpered, “My arm hurts, and my hand”

Liam seemed to agree as he only let out a confirming, “Hmm”

“I had hoped you’d feel better after a nap, not worse” Harry sighed, “We still have an hour to go”

Liam closed his eyes, leaning back this time, but it only made the burning worse. Niall wasn’t faring much better as he whined, “Can we stop?”

“Why?” Louis asked with a frown, they really hadn’t planned to stop on the two-hour drive.

“Because I don’t want to sit anymore” Niall replied snippily.

“That’s not a reason, you are just going to prolong things” Zayn replied.

“I’m with Niall” Liam spoke up, his face showing his discomfort.

“Fine” Louis sighed and pulled off the road soon after, making stop at a parking lot.

“Oh, so you stop for Liam and not me?” Niall glared at Louis as he got out of the car. Louis shook his head, “No, two voices just weigh more than one. If it had only been Liam, I wouldn’t have either”

Niall and Liam both looked miserable as they stretched a little and walked a few steps.

“I think we need a new seating order” Harry announced, “Niall or Liam, either of you want the front seat?”

Niall and Liam looked at each other before Liam said, “I’ll be fine as long as I don’t need to sit in the middle again”

“I’ll go in the middle” Harry offered and after a few more minutes they all climbed back in the car. Liam was sitting with his injured shoulder at the window side and Niall took the front seat while Harry sat in the middle. After about ten minutes of driving, Liam started wiggling around uncomfortably before taking off his seat belt.

“Hey! What do you think you are doing?” Louis called almost angrily.

“Just a second” Liam grunted out as he turned sideways, leaning against the car door, and pulling his legs up under him.

“You can stretch out here if you want” Harry offered and Liam stretched his legs out over Zayn’s and Harry’s legs, lying down.

“So much better” he sighed sounding a lot more relaxed.

“Seatbelt” Louis reminded him seconds later and Harry laughed as he ended up putting the seatbelt mostly around his thighs, making them pretty much ineffective.

“If you die, that’s on you” Louis muttered after throwing a quick glance back.

Liam fell asleep again, now that he was comfortable while the other boys kept up a relaxed conversation. When they were just outside of London, twenty minutes from the apartment complex they all were living in, they called Paul back. The man said he’d pick them up in half an hour and already had a schedule for the rest of their day.

They left Liam in the car, letting him sleep as long as possible while taking up their luggage. Niall was told to stay with him just in case as they waited for Paul. The man arrived while half of their stuff was put away and the rest still in the car. He opened the door, startling Niall, “What are you two doing down here?”

“Liam is sleeping” Niall said, “And I’m not allowed to help” The blond held up his injured arms. One in a cast, the other with the bandaged hand. Paul nodded shortly before closing the door again and helping the other boys with their bags.

Once they were finished, Harry went to Liam’s side of the car, opening the door. Niall was quick enough to grab the handle and pull it back, but it still jostled Liam who had been still fast asleep, calling out in pain.

Niall helped him sit up and turn away from the door and Harry opened it, looking ready to cry as he had caused their friend pain. The youngest apologised as Liam slowly climbed out of the car, Niall behind him, arm around Liam’s waist, who seemed uncoordinated und unbalanced again.

“Liam, how are you doing?” Paul asked, seeing the boy, and putting a gentle hand on his healthy shoulder.

“N-not great” Liam just said, leaning back against the car once the door was closed by Niall.

“Okay, Paddy will take Zayn, Harry and Louis to the meeting with Simon while I’m taking the both of you to a different doctor. I managed to get them to agree on one specialist for a second opinion.”

“Is that really necessary?” Liam asked as he was led towards another car, complaining, “We just got out of the car!”

He didn’t get an answer, instead Paul only opened the door for him and Niall to climb in the car, before taking the driver seat himself. Niall nudged him, five minutes into the car ride and Liam looked over confused. The other boy held up his phone and Liam briefly wondered where his was. He hadn’t exactly used it much in the past few days.

Louis had messaged them, the text reading: “Call us if you need anything, literally anything or just want to talk”

Liam nodded slowly, signalling that he had read the text and Niall went back to checking his messages, he assumed. Liam on the other hand continued to stare out of the window silently.

Getting to the doctor’s office didn’t really take long and they did not have to wait either as they were ushered in a private room instantly by a male nurse. They hadn’t even sat down yet when the door opened again, and they were seen by the doctor.

He handled Niall rather quickly, after getting x-rays from both of their broken bones. Niall wasn’t allowed to play the guitar for ten more days, but the cast could come off in about 3 to 4 weeks. The boy grumbled a little at the long-time span but had expected it and now had an excuse for the management to not force him to play during their live shows. This diagnosis pretty much aligned with what they had been told at the hospital. They documented the cuts on his hands as well and put a bandage on the bigger one.

The first thing he did was frown at Liam during the physical exam, “This happened during a fight, right?”

Liam nodded slowly but winced as it jostled his shoulder as Niall said, “It’s not exactly a fight when four people decide to beat up one person, but technically, yes”

“Did you clean the cuts here?” the man pointed at some angry looking cuts on Liam’s sides and the boy frowned.

“I’m… I d-don’t know?” Liam looked up at Niall who looked just as confused, “I wasn’t there when they patched you up!”

“I don’t remember… I know they did something with my face, though” Liam said softly und unsure.

“You were concussed as well, right? It’s normal for things to be a little fuzzy afterwards” the doctor assured him, “But the reason I am asking is because it seems like they are infected”

“Huh” Liam said slowly, looking down at himself, “I thought that was just bruises”

The man chuckled a little and nodded. He went to clean them out and covered them with bandages, “Keep an eye on them, keep it clean and come back if it gets worse or spreads”

Niall and Liam both nodded.

“Now, if I did get this correct, you are the main reason both of you are here, right? Your management wants you performing…” he glanced at his notes, “This Sunday?”

Liam looked up at him expectantly while Niall confirmed the date, “We have a show on Sunday followed by another month of touring and press at least”

“I can, though, right? It’s not that bad, right?” Liam asked hopefully and Niall shook his head suddenly looking angry.

“Yeah, right, you couldn’t even sit up yesterday, but sure, full show, two hours, right” Niall said sarcastically.

“I agree with your friend, Sunday is not reali-“ the man started to say.

Liam shook his head, “No, it’s not that bad”

“No matter how often you say that it’s not bad, doesn’t change the fact that it is” Niall sighed even though he felt with his friend.

Liam ended up crying a little, worrying about management, the fans and the show and everything else going on. Niall called Louis the second they were back in the car. The oldest boy immediately answered, “What’s up? How did it go?”

In the background Niall could hear Simon’s voice, berating him for taking a call.

“Just shut up, it’s Niall and Liam” Louis yelled, making Niall wince, before answering.

“He only confirmed what we knew already. Liam is somewhere between pissed, frustrated, scared and definitely panicked” Niall explained, earning another glare from Liam who was curled up against the door on the other side of the car.

“What did he say about Sunday”

“I can’t play for ten days” Niall said, “Liam has to take a week off from shows but could do interviews and stuff or tv shows but a two-hour show is too much”

“Ah, great, this will be fun. Tell Liam not to worry and to relax. No one is disappointed and everything will be okay. Where are you going now?” Louis said gently.

“Paul already called the record label and modest I think, so they know for your meeting already once you are done with Simon. We were supposed to be there, too, but I convinced Paul to take us home instead. You’ll handle this, right?” Niall asked hesitantly.

“Sure, we can do that. Just go home and rest, alright? And look after Liam? I’m glad he’s not coming to be honest; he’d probably offer to perform against doctor’s orders” Louis sighed, “We’ll call you when we are on our way, alright? And we’ll bring dinner. Ask Liam what he wants and text me”

“Alright, see you later, love you guys” Niall said back before hanging up. He looked over at Liam, but the other boy was just staring out the window again, not acknowledging him.

“Lou said they’d bring dinner, what do you want?” Niall asked. Liam just shrugged and immediately regretted it again as he curled over in pain, eyes pressed together in concentration and bit his lip to keep himself from crying out. Niall decided that he’d ask again later, when he didn’t get an answer from Liam who just looked away again. Back at the apartment complex Paul followed them to the entrance, making sure they got in the elevator safely. They made their way back up to their flats and Liam unlocked the door to his own living space, frowning when Niall followed him, “What are you doing?”

“Staying with you!” Niall said loudly, just walking in through the open door, “Lou said to take care of you and I know you are miserable right now, so I won’t leave, even if you think you want me to”

“I don’t think so, I know so” Liam grumbled as he pulled his suitcase that had been thrown into the entry way by his friends earlier that day with him to his bedroom. Half of his things were back home with his parents and a quarter here in London while the rest probably was on the tour bus, still. He had no idea how he ever was supposed to keep order while living everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

“You have the new FIFA game, right? Can we play?” Niall asked, entering his bedroom without second thought. Liam frowned and looked down at where his arm was in a sling and pressed against his chest. How was he supposed to actually handle a controller like that?

“Right… didn’t think this through, apparently” Niall sighed, “I just have no idea what else to do”

“We should have gone to the meeting”

“You were still crying hysterically when Paul wanted us to go” Niall pointed out.

“But I’m fine now”

“You are not”

“You can go, seriously, I’m not going to die just because I’m alone for a few hours” Liam said, “I’m just going to lie down and do nothing”

“I’m not leaving this flat” Niall just shook his head, “Whether you like it or not”

“Fine” Liam frowned, “You can play on your own if you want to, just leave me alone for a while. Maybe I can get some sleep”

“Okay” Niall agreed, “But I’ll be in your living room and you’ll call if you need anything”

“Sure” Liam sighed as he sat on his bed slowly, then immediately said, “Wait”

“Didn’t think you’d need anything this fast” Niall laughed after having done a full turn since he had just started towards the door.

“Help me out of this, it’s hot” Liam tugged as his oversized sweatshirt.

Half an hour later, Liam was turning and tossing in his bed, trying to get comfortable as Niall knocked on his door, “I’m making tea, you want some as well?”

“Sure” Liam replied and was surprised that Niall opened the door all the way already having a cup in his hand and came in.

“Knew you wouldn’t turn down tea” Niall smirked handing the cup to his friend and sitting on the edge, “No luck getting any sleep?”

“I can’t sleep on my back and turning over just hurts” Liam said fin frustration, “I’m so tired, though”

Niall winced in sympathy, “Anything I can do? Would taking more meds help?”

Liam almost laughed at that, “I can’t just overdose because I’m tired, the meds only take the edge off, it’s hurting all the time”

“I’m sorry” Niall offered, not sure how to help.

“It’s okay, I’ll fall asleep eventually” Liam replied, “Thanks for the tea, you can go back to your game”

Niall grimaced, making Liam ask, “What?”

“Playing games is not that different from playing guitar apparently, my wrist hurts the worst since I actually broke it” Niall explained, “Took some pain killers and stopped once I realised what I was doing”

“Ah, shit” Liam frowned.

“Can I take a nap with you?” Niall asked, “I won’t bother you; I promise. I know you wanted to be alone”

“Oh, no, Niall, come here, I don’t mind” Liam said with wide eyes, “Just didn’t want to talk”

Niall climbed in the bed and lied down on his back, “I don’t know what your problem is, but I can sleep on my back”

Liam hit him lightly in the shoulder with a little grin on his face, “I hate you”

“You love me” Niall corrected him, “And you never told me what you wanted to eat”

“I really don’t want any fast food” Liam said, “And I know that’s all you guys really eat”

“Well, maybe we want to eat whatever you’ll suggest”

“I don’t know what I want, and I’ll feel bad if I make you eat things you don’t like” Liam replied.

“You are not forcing us. And we overdid it with this stuff in the past. We really need to eat healthier… and work out more. We are just lazy and pick what we always do instead of thinking about new places to eat at” Niall argued.

“I don’t know any good things around here… we have like three options back home and I usually got salad or that pasta I ate yesterday” Liam explained, “So I have no idea either”

“Right, let me google…” Niall sighed bringing up his phone to his face.

“Just look for something without burger, pasta, fried things” Liam contributed.

“I’m left with a lot of Asian places” Niall said, “Or fish and chips”

“Look if they have vegetarian options, I want something with veggies” Liam turned towards him with an excited smile. The boy winced and groaned a little, but he ended up lying on his uninjured side a while later. It didn’t look comfortable and Niall said so.

“Needed a change” Liam said. Niall called Louis quickly, telling him about the place they wanted to order from and requested that they also got snacks for them.

“Did you try laying on your stomach?” Niall’s sudden question startled Liam, who frowned, “No, sounds even more uncomfortable than this”

Niall chuckled, turning a little more towards Liam and scooting closer, “Alright, well, I’m going to sleep now”

“Okay” Liam nodded, watching Niall amused for a minute. Two minutes later, Niall was snoring softly, and Liam’s smile fell, realising that he was still unable to sleep. Half an hour later Niall decided to fully turn around and use Liam as a pillow, throwing one arm and leg over Liam’s body. The boy groaned a little at being handled so roughly but didn’t dare push Niall off.

An hour later, Liam had to move Niall off of him, needing to use the toilet and feeling enough pain now, that he needed to take more pain meds. Realising that he had not eaten anything since that morning he got slightly scared again that he might get sick again and went to the kitchen. There must be something left to eat, even though he usually has nothing left in his fridge when he leaves for tour. He found an old unopened box of cereals which surprisingly were still up to date and took them back to his bedroom with him. The crunching sound of him eating them straight out of the box didn’t even wake Niall and Liam wondered briefly whether the other boy was alive. Niall confirmed by flinging himself back at Liam just moments later, resting his head on Liam’s stomach, arms around his waist. Liam hissed when Niall touched his apparently infected cuts and moved his arms a little further away.

The half empty cup of tea next to him didn’t make the bland cereal taste any better and Liam considered just going out to get some groceries himself. But that would mean he’d have to put on a shirt, at least and that sounded painful, so Liam decided against it. He also was a little scared of Louis’ reaction if he found out.

Liam could hear them before he could see them. There was someone unlocking his front door and only few people were able to do that. He knew it must be the other three boys and surely enough, Louis shouted through the flat, “Honey, we are home!”

“We have dinner!” Harry added.

“It’s not even dinner time” Zayn hit Harry from the sound of it, and Liam had to smile softly.

“We didn’t have lunch, so this is an early dinner!” Harry tried to explain, as Louis added, “Or a late lunch”

“It’s closer to dinner time than lunch time, though” Harry argued, shaking his head as he walked into the bedroom first, “There you are!”

He dropped a take-out bag on the foot of the bed as he pulled off his shoes before climbing on, shaking Niall forcefully. Somehow the five of them ended up in his bed again.

“What the hell are you eating? Are those still edible?” Zayn grabbed the box of cereal from Liam, eyeing it warily.

“I took some pain meds and then I got scared that I’d get sick again and I was actually hungry, and it was the only thing in the flat” Liam explained.

“Well, we got real food, here” Harry was handing out the food and gave one to Liam. Niall was finally sitting up as well, looking at Liam and saying disappointedly, “You still couldn’t sleep?”

“Nah, it’s fine, though” Liam replied, “I’ll pass out once I am tired enough, like in the car”

“That sounds anything but healthy” Louis commented, “But you do you”

Liam looked at him funnily, “Okay?”

“Uh, uh” Niall suddenly said, his mouth still full. He had remembered something he wanted to share with the rest of the band.

“Liam’s cuts are infected, on his sides, it’s not pretty!” Niall called out once he had swallowed, “We need to watch them”

“What?” Louis asked sharply, turning to Liam, looking him up and down before his eyes caught sight of the bandages on Liam’s side.

Liam frowned at Niall, “Thanks, Niall. Don’t look at me like that Louis, I didn’t know”

“It must hurt, though, you must have felt that something was wrong” Louis accused him, “You should have said-“

“Actually, no” Liam glared at him, offended at what Louis said, “It didn’t feel different because I’ve been high on pain meds ever since the hospital and apart from feeling sore and the usual burn it didn’t feel different. I only noticed they were red, but I thought that were the bruises!”

Louis mustered him and then nodded, “Okay, sorry, I can see that actually happen”

“Great, nice of you to decide to believe me” Liam shot back, still looking hurt by Louis’ words.

“Hey, come on, you have a history of hiding injuries” Harry interfered.

“But I haven’t, not in a while and I’ve been talking to you and you still act like this” Liam complained, now looking at the whole band, “It’s annoying”

“I’m sorry, Liam, seriously” Louis said sincerely, “I know you are doing better now but old habits die hard”

“They are hardly old” Liam commented, but he didn’t look as angry anymore.

“Note to self, Liam gets grumpy without sleep” Louis couldn’t help the little tease though, it earned him a pillow to the face from Liam who grinned as well.

“Not while we are eating” Zayn complained, “Can’t even get dinner in peace around here”

“Hah! So, you agree it’s dinner!” Harry pointed at him excitedly.

“Fuck, you are a dork” Louis sighed, shaking his head.

The next day started early for the five boys. Niall and Louis had stayed with Liam during the night while Harry and Zayn had gone back to their own flats, opting to sleep alone. Even though Liam did sleep a few hours through the night, they were up at six in the morning. The injured boy felt tired and sluggish as he got dressed and made his way to the kitchen where a chipper Niall was already up and talking to Harry. Louis just sat at the table looking rather unhappy about being awake at all, Liam definitely agreed with his expression. Zayn was nowhere to be found yet as Liam walked to the counter to get himself some tea and breakfast.

Paul called when Liam was halfway done with his cereal and they all scrambled to get dressed. They’d been eating and chatting along without watching the time and had been supposed to be picked up five minutes ago. The next ten minutes were filled with the boys running around, finding clothes, and fighting for the bathroom.

Liam heard his front door open and then Zayn complaining to Paul about being awake. Their security and tour manager had apparently taken the time to wake Zayn up before coming up to get them. The other boys were in the living room by the time Liam gave up, struggling to put on his sweater. Instead he grabbed the sling and brace that he’d taken off along with him to the living room. Zayn’s growl immediately softened when he saw Liam, “Need help?”

“Still can’t lift my arm” Liam tried to explain, looking down at himself where his left hand which was holding his clothes was also grabbing his right arm, keeping it as steady as possible now that he was out of the sling with a wince.

Zayn helped him guide his injured side through the shirt, holding on to his arm, so he couldn’t move it before Louis was on his other side finishing putting it on. They then fastened the sling quickly.

“Thanks” Liam sighed relieved, “That didn’t even hurt half as much as when I tried it on my own”

“Alright, let’s get going” Paul said, “Only twenty minutes late, that counts as on time since it’s you. We are going to the arena this morning. You’ll have rehearsals to change a few things and then the four of you will figure out how you’ll do next week without Liam while he is getting some fashion adjustments that are necessary apparently. The girls said they need to change some things for like the sling and stuff”

“Why?” Liam asked.

“I think it’s mostly switching out your shirts for button ups and stuff, which seeing this morning actually makes sense” Paul shrugged, “I think they just want to help”

Liam frowned a little but gave a small nod.

“Well, after lunch you have a meeting with PR for the press that will follow tomorrow and the show you are doing tonight”

“What show?” Louis asked as the other boys looked at him in confusion as well.

“TV show tonight, you are performing as well, something slow so Liam can participate” Paul replied, “I just was informed of this as well, but it’s already out on social media. The fans will be there and be crazy, probably”

“I don’t think when we were told that Liam was not well enough for a two hour show he meant that he should do twelve hours of meetings and press” Harry spoke up, glancing at their friend worriedly.

“There’ll be enough breaks for you, I promise” Paul said, “I tried to keep Niall and Liam out of what was possible and forced them to give you breaks. If it’s too much, tell me and I’ll step in. We’ll see how it goes and if necessary, call it off”

“I’ll hold you to that” Louis said in a threatening voice.

“You’ll tell us if you get tired or overwhelmed or if you are in pain, again?” Harry turned to look at Liam who had been awfully quiet despite him being the subject of the conversation. Liam gave a little nod, his expression unreadable.

“Oh, and tomorrow will be a full day of press before the show” Paul added, “Usual tour day which Liam will only attend the first half of”

Once they were at the stage they were met by a ton of people, the band, their dancing coach that practically functioned as babysitter as well, the makeup girls and their wardrobe people. They all greeted them with a mix of excitement and concern.

Liam only called out in the beginning, as he saw them hug Niall and the other boys while taking a step back, “Please don’t hug me”

It took another half hour for them to get to the room they had supposed to be in an hour ago. Liam had promised that he was fine, and everything was alright while dodging most of the other questions from their crew which the rest of the boys handled.

“There were some changes to the set list. You can complain and make changes, but it’s not wanted” they were told straight up before rehearsals, “The changes need to be approved and the order came from all the way up at management”

“No way” Zayn barely glanced at the new set list, “We didn’t want any changes, we talked about that yesterday”

“We’ll just keep it and not talk about it. They can yell at us after the show and we just keep doing the list we want to, alright? Just need to let the crew know without telling management” Louis shrugged, “They’ve been horrible in all of this and I’m past caring, who is in?”

Liam frowned but didn’t object when the rest of the band agreed to actually make no changes. They quickly went through the show once, talking about when who would be where. The few little choreographed steps they had, were either dropped completely since they never really worked out or Liam was told to just sit them out more or less. After that they used the platform once, to make sure they all knew what to do and didn’t forget the safety measures over their little break. Liam felt immediately unsteady and had to grip his microphone stand tightly when it started moving. He had been feeling weird with the pain meds he was on the whole time and his balance was off as well, so he struggled to keep on his feet. His head felt a little dizzy and fuzzy when they were halfway to their destination.

When the platform descended, there was a little forceful move of it, and Liam almost stumbled, alarming his band mates. Zayn was by his side, sliding an arm around his waist to steady him and asking what was wrong. Liam shook his head slowly leaning against his bandmate. The other was holding on to his own microphone as he kept a hold on Liam with his other hand.

Once they were at their destination the boys jumped off, Louis holding his hand out to help Liam down as well, who seemed a little shaky as Zayn still kept his arm around his back, following.

“What’s wrong?” Paul had followed them by foot to the other stage, looking worriedly.

“M-my balance is off and… made me dizzy” Liam admitted, taking a few shaky breaths.

“The pain meds make him feel all fuzzy” Niall supplied, using the words Liam had chosen to describe the feeling before.

“Okay, you are not getting on this thing while you are still taking pain meds. You’ll stay back at the main stage” Paul ordered, ignoring Liam’s loud protests.

Instead he said, “Come on, we are walking back. You are done here now anyways. The boys need to turn this in a four man show for this week and you need to see the girls in the dressing room”

Liam groaned as he followed the man but not before looking back at the boys pleadingly which turned into a glare as they laughed at him.

The girls were always lovely and sweet but this day they wrapped him in careful gentle hugs, asked how he was feeling and tried everything to make him feel better. They forced him to have some tea and snacks with them while picking out a few different shirts for him.

“We thought, it’d be easier if you had a shirt to button up or a wider one, whichever you prefer. It’s painful to get changed, isn’t it?”

Liam admitted, “It’s definitely not fun”

“Alright, why don’t we try these few on and you can decide which you like better”

“Do I have to?” Liam asked, warily eyeing the clothes laid out for him. The girls mustered him for a second before looking at each other with concern.

“It’s fine, I can do that” Liam backtracked, realising that he was just holding things up and making it difficult for the people around him with his whining. Once he had wiggled out of his shirt with only one wince he couldn’t hold back, the girls gasped.

“These boys really roughed you up, didn’t they?”

Liam looked down at himself and it was true, he was black and blue all over and the bandages covering his cuts didn’t help much either. Seeing the bandages made him realise that he had not changed them since yesterday, which he was supposed to do twice a day at least and started pulling at them, to look at it. The cuts were still looking angry and red, but it didn’t seem any worse or better than before. There was just a little blood on the bandage which he had pulled halfway off before trying to put it back on.

“You should probably change those” one of the girls commented with a frown.

“Yeah… I forgot this morning, I don’t have the stuff with me to change it” Liam explained, pressing against the bandage in hope of it staying on but it just wasn’t sticky enough anymore.

“Let me see if I can find something we can use while you start trying these on. There should be a first aid kit around here, somewhere”

Half an hour later Liam was freshly bandaged and still shirtless sitting in his chair. He was feeling sweaty and panted in pain as the few shirt changes had taken its toll on him. Paul came back in the room, glancing at him, before stating, “The girls said you were done here, and you have an hour before the boys will be ready for lunch”

Liam looked up at him, not having it in him to smile or look as relieved as he felt. He was exhausted and sore while also feeling like he had not done anything that day. Liam felt useless and he hated it.

“Come on, let’s get you back to you boys’ dressing room so you can relax a little” Paul motioned for him to get up and Liam followed the instruction.

Harry found him almost two hours later, their rehearsal had taken longer than expected to get him to join them for lunch. Liam was sitting at a table, staring at his phone as Harry barged in.

“Have you guys been on twitter lately?” Liam asked with a confused expression on his face.

“A little” Harry shrugged, “But it’s better to just keep out of it. A lot is going on, but no one hates us anymore for fighting since the video which we think is actually good. We discussed it at the meeting yesterday”

“Huh… it’s weird” Liam replied getting up.

“Which part? That part of our fans are planning a murder or the part that want to wrap you and Niall in bubble wrap?” Harry replied as they made their way to catering.

“All of it” Liam replied, “But it’s not just fans involved”

“Oh, yeah, well, people love you and people hate bullies picking on other people” Harry shrugged.

Liam didn’t reply as they just walked up to the rest of the boys who had waited for them to start eating while their band that played most of the instruments in the back was already digging in. The three of them jumped up from the table and the five stormed the little buffet waiting with food for them.

Liam cursed his injury the second he realised that while carrying one plate he couldn’t really do anything, not even put any food on the plate without setting it down. There was barely enough space on the table to put the plate down, so he was somehow balancing it on the edge as he tried to get some food on it. Looking up when he heard Niall curse, he realised that his friend was facing the same problems as him. Niall looked up as he felt Liam’s glance on him and smiled a little at him, “This is stupid”

“Yeah” Liam agreed.

Niall threw him a little smirk before turning to the table where the other three had already sat back down and were eating happily, “Hey, boys!”

While he got the attention of the boys, he also had managed to make the whole room look at them which immediately let Liam turn a deep shade of pink embarrassed, hissing, “Niall!”

Before either of the three realised what the reason for Niall’s yelling was, Josh from the band and Lou, their hair stylist were by their side. Lou frowned as she took Liam’s plate from him, “These idiots really left you poor boys to fend for yourselves, didn’t they?”

Liam tried to protest in a stutter as Lou helped him get some food, asking what he liked and grabbed some drinks as well, “No, don’t worry about it, Liam, seriously. Let me help you, please”

Meanwhile Niall had no problems letting himself be served by Josh who just shook his head in amusement, following Niall’s orders. Lou scolded Harry, Zayn, and Louis as she walked Liam back over to the table, making Liam feel even more embarrassed. Louis looked actually upset at that, apologising quickly to both Liam and Niall for leaving them.

“It’s fine, I would have gotten it on my own, just took a lot longer” Liam tried to shrug it off, but Niall nudged him with a shake of his head.

“Dude, it’s fucking annoying to do this with one arm, don’t do that or they won’t help me either”

“Sorry” Liam ducked his head, he hadn’t wanted to make things harder for Niall.

Paul got them a little while later to accompany them to their next meeting. It was the PR meeting neither was looking forward to. They all hated media training at the beginning of their x-factor days and it only got worse over time.

“Thank god!” Louis called out, the first to walk through the door and spotting Laura, the only person that they tolerated who had ever been tasked with training the boys. He went to hug her, as well as the other boys did, with wide smiles. Paul glanced in from the door, “Told you guys I was trying to make this all as easy as possible. No more complaining, alright, Louis? I’ll come get you once you are done here, no running around the arena unsupervised!”

“Fine” Louis called back with a laugh. He was definitely in a better mood now than after their rehearsals.

“Let’s sit down, boys and talk. There is a lot to talk about” Laura laughed as she made them sit around the conference table in the middle of the room, “I have a lot of instructions on what to tell you but I know you won’t listen and say what you want anyway. As long as you act like I did exactly what they want me to do we can focus on getting you through these interviews the way you boys want to”

“Sounds good to me” Harry smiled.

“Great” Laura smiled as well, “I have some things to inform you about before we get to that, though”

“Knew there was a catch” Zayn said with a frown.


	7. Seven

Fifteen minutes later Harry was standing in front of a fuming Louis, blocking his way out of the room, “You need to calm down”

“Fucking hell, I don’t have to do a bloody thing! I need to punch someone preferably these assholes from our meeting yesterday, let me go!”

“You need to calm the fuck down” Harry hissed, surprising Louis, since Harry almost never cursed, just like Liam, “Niall is crying, Liam is having a panic attack and you need to get your shit together”

Louis nodded, looking at Harry who seemed the only one to be level-headed at the moment. Zayn was busy, trying to calm Liam down while Niall just sat there, crying. The oldest band member turned away from Harry and walked over to Niall to pull him in a hug, “I’m sorry, it’s okay, we’ll figure this out. I’m sorry I got angry; I know that scares you”

Niall clung to him, not answering and Louis was okay with that as he turned to watch Zayn and Harry who were kneeling in front of Liam. Liam’s eyes were blown wide in panic as he really struggled to take in a breath, it almost looked painful. Tears were running down his face and he was leaning forward, his chest heaving.

“Li, you need to breathe” Zayn said softly, but it fell on death ears.

Laura was just watching everything happening in front of her seemingly concerned.

“We might need a break, if we can get it” Louis said dryly, looking at her, before asking, “What are you going to report back to management this time?”

Laura just looked at him exasperated, “I’ll give you guys twenty minutes and I have no idea”

Louis nodded, before turning his attention back to Niall, “How are you doing, luv?”

“I’m sorry” Niall whispered, “This freaks me out”

“Not just you, not just you. We just react differently. Liam panics, I get angry, you cry, Zayn gets grumpy and Harry just tries to get everything to be peaceful and calm” Louis explained, before hugging him shortly tight and planting a kiss on top of Niall’s head. Then he let go of the blond to see if he could help Harry or Zayn. Liam didn’t let the boys touch him, instead he curled up and continued to struggle.

“Luv, Liam, you don’t have to do anything they tell you. You can say no, and we will say no to this. It doesn’t matter what they say. We are in control, Liam, not them” Louis said slowly and intensely, hoping that the other boy was listening.

Liam shook his head forcefully and Louis winced, glancing at Liam’s collarbone, knowing that this must have hurt him a lot.

“I-image… fans” Liam gasped out in protest.

“It won’t hurt our image and the fans won’t care” Zayn replied.

“They are just saying this to bully us into this” Harry added which made Louis snort, “Ironic, isn’t it? Them bullying us into doing an anti-bullying campaign”

“It pisses me right off, that they are using Liam’s pain, ours as well for a fucking PR stunt” Zayn said.

“We don’t want to do this either, Liam” Niall spoke up for the first time, his voice still high pitched and laced with emotions.

“T-too much” Liam gasped out, bringing his healthy arm up to his head.

When Laura came back, exactly twenty minutes after she had left, Zayn was sitting in a chair with Niall cuddled in his lap and Harry next to them. Louis and Liam were sitting on the floor at the far end of the room with Liam sitting between Louis’ legs, leaning back sideways against the older boy. His eyes were closed but he was still breathing unevenly.

“Can we stay here?” Louis asked softly, looking up at Laura pleadingly, “And can we do this rather quick so we can catch a nap before the show tonight?”

“Sure, let’s just all sit down on the floor and do this in a little more relaxed way, alright?” Laura nodded, grabbing her notebook from the table, and joining the boys on the floor. The rest of them had already gotten ahead and sat down.

“Before we start” Louis spoke up again, “We are not doing this, we don’t care, we are not ready, and we won’t let them use us like this for PR. Since it is already out there as a rumour, we need to know what to say so it’ll do the least damage”

“Be honest” Laura said, “Play the victim card, which I guess is not a card in this case but reality. You are not ready, while you support the message but need to take care of yourselves before helping others”

The boys seemed happy with that answer.

“Next they will ask the typical questions to lead up to the more serious ones, like how are you feeling, what happened and all these things to make it seem like they care” Laura explained, before launching into an explanation on how to keep it simple and move the conversation on.

“Next up will be questions about what exactly happened, they’ll want details they can sell as big headlines, the background story and basically everything” Laura explained, “Your answer will depend on how much you want to say here. We can work on you shutting it down or deflecting politely or on how to control the direction of the conversation”

She looked at Liam after that, since it was his life, his experiences, mostly, and she knew the boys would do whatever he wanted. Liam was staring at the floor, before whispering, “I don’t know”

“You should be aware that it won’t be enough for the other four to answer for you. You need to speak up yourself. It happened to you, it’s your school mates and happened in your hometown” she explained.

“We don’t want to have to lie, but it’s hard talking about these things while still figuring it out yourself” Harry supplied, seeing Liam struggle with himself due to this problem.

“We also want to avoid panic attacks during interviews but talking about it causes them” Zayn said, adding to Harry’s information, “It honestly upsets us all, not just Liam”

“You should have gotten at least two more weeks off to deal with this” Laura sighed, “It is an impossible situation and I know that and feel for you boys. But there is not much we can do about it other than try and plan on how to navigate through these questions without you losing your face in public. It’s hard and unfair but the reality”

Liam still didn’t look up but said something, even if it was in a rough and with tears laced whisper, “I’ll mess up and say something stupid. They’ll think I’m messed up”

“Why would they do that?” Laura asked, “What could you say that would be stupid?”

“W-when I get upset or scared, I sometimes say things I don’t think I actually mean or think anymore. I’m just used to thinking it so it comes up and then I can’t stop it sometimes and it always makes Louis angry and Niall and Harry cry” Liam explained in a rushed manner, almost talking too fast to fully understand everything.

“It’s not stupid” Louis told him gently, “And we can stop and interfere if we see it happen. You haven’t tried to defend these guys in a while, so I think you are actually doing better with this”

“M not” Liam replied, “Just h-haven’t said it out loud”

Louis and Zayn looked at each other with a frown, seemingly exchanging words silently.

“Alright” Laura said, feeling the tension rise again, “We are not going to go through all of this today, I think. Let me just give you a few overall tips. The first is… just be honest. It’s one of the most important things”

She continued on with a few basic rules they technically knew but it was good to be reminded of.

“If there is any critique on your reactions or behaviour, I want you to deflect and you boys take over. They’ll be on you about the fight or the force of which you used to fight back. It’s ridiculous but some of them want a scandalous headline and it’s their way of getting it”

“What happened to being honest?” Louis asked, “I was holding back. I wanted to punch them all in the face but there wasn’t an opportunity”

“Please do not say that” Laura looked at him with wide eyes, “That is not… good”

Harry snorted, “But it’s the truth and we need to be honest”

Laura looked mortified, so Louis told her with a smirk, “Don’t worry, I’m messing with you, I won’t say that, well… unless something really pisses me off, maybe”

Laura laughed at that and they continued to talk for a little while, coming up with more critical questions and ways to deal with them. Once their time was up, Laura called Paul, telling him they were done and to pick the boys up. The five of them protested, saying they could walk back through the arena on their own, but she didn’t want to let them go. So, naturally, they made a run for it while she was on the phone still.

“Shit, hey! Hey, get back here!” Laura called, stopping to yell mid-sentence, before saying, “They ran, Paul”

“I got that from your yelling” the man laughed, “Which direction did they go? And don’t worry, they won’t get far with Liam”

“Yeah… about Liam, he might’ve had a panic attack? And Niall was crying too, and Harry barely managed to stop Louis from punching something or someone… just wanted you to be aware. Take care of them, will you, Paul?”

“I’m trying my best… these boys just seem to find trouble wherever they go”

Paul found them all safe and sound in their dressing room, cuddled up on the sofa with the lights out and them giggling when he entered, “You guys are pretty bad at hiding, you know?”

“Not hiding, proofing a point” Zayn replied.

“Yeah, we are perfectly capable of walking back here on our own” Harry added with a snicker.

“You’ve all have had encounters with fans in these hallways before. You are not going to convince me of anything else. Once you leave this area, you need security with you, that’s not up for discussion”

“Party pooper” Louis supplied with a cheeky grin on his face.

“One hour until you can grab an early dinner before you’re needed back in the dressing room to get ready for tonight. They have everything picked out for you and we’ll leave straight after. Be ready for a crowd outside the studio” Paul told them before leaving them alone again. True to his word they were getting dressed just one and a half hour later. Louis possessively pushed the girls away as they tried to get Liam to change in some shirt they had picked out and helped him himself, “You are just going to hurt him”

“You do know that Liam did well on his own earlier, changing four outfits on his own” one of them laughed at his behaviour.

“Yeah, that’s why he was bloody exhausted afterwards” Louis countered more teasingly than serious as he finished helping Liam put his shirt on.

“Don’t be mean, you’re exaggerating” Liam told him with a frown before looking apologetically at the girls. They were done just moments later and on their way to the show. Paul briefed them quickly which show it was and what was planned for the interview.

In front of the building they were immediately met with loud screams. Paul opened the door revealing Andy and Paddy next to him, “I’m taking Niall and Liam in. Then we’ll get the rest of you for pictures and signing”

Niall protested a little, but Paul just put his arm around Niall and led him out through the fans. Paddy and Andy were on either side of Liam as they left the other three in the car for the time being. Even though Liam had been a little scared, knowing how rough the fans sometimes could be, it was rather uneventful as he was guided through them with a security guard on either of his side. Niall and him waited inside the lobby for a little while until the rest of the band joined them and they made their way through the large building.

They arrived at the Jonathon Ross show studio and were immediately rushed into makeup and then their dressing room. Jonathan who they had all met before fortunately came to greet them just minutes before the show started. He just wanted to see whether they were alright and talk about the interview with them. While the four boys went with it like they usually did, Liam started to get nervous back in makeup. The bruises and cuts on his face hadn’t healed and no makeup in the world was going to hide it. He had the time to just look at his own face for the first time in a while and realised that he did look quite horrible. Apart from the bruises he was deathly pale with dark circles under his eyes. These were mostly covered by the time he was done, but he knew it was still visible. The other boys didn’t have any lasting bruises, save for Zayn’s little bruise under his eye that was barely visible without make up anymore and completely covered up already.

When Jonathan, or Wossy, how they were allowed to call him, came into their dressing room, Liam was fidgeting nervously in his seat. The man came over to chat with him as well as the other boys, but Liam just had trouble even listening to his small talk after confirming that he was okay. Before Liam felt ready or had the time to pull himself back together, they were led to the stage and suddenly he was sitting on a sofa, in the middle with Louis and Zayn next to him while Harry was on Zayn’s other side and Niall next to Louis. He was grateful that Louis was on his injured side, hovering close but making sure to never lean into his side or touch him in any way that could cause pain. While Liam knew the other boys wouldn’t mean to hurt them, he also was aware of their clumsiness, especially Harry’s.

They were introduced and then Jonathan started a light-hearted conversation about their tour so far, the cities they had been in and talked about their album. Harry and Niall mostly answered during that time, smiling widely, and giving detailed answers. Later on, Liam realised they were trying to take away as much time as possible from the interviewer to give him less time to ask questions later.

**“Now, we all know why you boys are here, you have to make a little announcement regarding your tour, am I right?”**

Louis nodded, “Right, well, we all know that Niall and Liam got injured during our few days off, right? Well, the thing is, Niall won’t be able to play the guitar at our show for a while which is what we wanted to let the fans know in advance.”

“Yeah” Niall added, holding both his arms up, “I don’t think anyone is coming just to see me play guitar but sorry, if you were looking forward to it”

**“That is rather unfortunate, isn’t it?”**

Niall shrugged, “It’s not bad, at least I was cleared to perform at all by the doctor, unlike someone else…” He turned to glance at Liam with a soft smile and wink.

“R-right” Liam cleared his throat nervously, he felt sick to his stomach as he continued, “I have to, uh… sit out a few shows… I’m not allowed to, with- uh, this” He looked down at himself and gestured to his injured shoulder and sling.

“Doctors orders, it will probably be around a week until he’ll be cleared for stage again” Louis added, “We’ll hate not having Liam there but it’s for his health and he’ll still join us in most interviews and stuff. He’s just not allowed to do a full show, to give his collarbone time to heal”

**“That’s rather sad news for the fans. But I’m sure they’ll understand it is necessary”**

“It really is necessary, whether we, or Liam here, likes it or not. Because he doesn’t!” Zayn complied with a nod. The other boys chuckled at that while Liam frowned at him, feeling a little embarrassed, “I just… didn’t want to disappoint any fans”

**“You aren’t. I really don’t think they are disappointed in you or Niall for getting hurt. Could you elaborate on how that happened? I mean, everyone probably saw the video by now, but what is your side in this? You were jumped while you were walking through this park, right?”**

A shiver ran through Liam and he needed to take two deep breaths before searching Louis’ eyes who smiled at him encouragingly.

“Yeah… kind of? I mean, I ended up with a concussion and I think I’m missing a few things…” Liam admitted, unable to look at the man he was talking to, instead staring at his own hands, “I was at a café with my sister and we were walking home and just talking, catching up because I had been on tour and away for so long and I know I heard someone yell, so I stopped walking and then someone grabbed me and well… you can see the rest on the video…”

Liam was talking fast, stumbling over his words, and seemed shaky overall.

**“Yes, it does not look good. But you did get a few good punches in, Liam. One against four and you held your own for a while there”**

Liam frowned in confusion and looked up for the first time, not believing what he was hearing.

**“And from what I have gathered, this was not the first time? It wasn’t random, you knew these guys?”**

Liam nodded, wincing as it jostled his shoulder, before again needing to take some deep breaths. He had to just get through this. He could freak out later. Now was not the time. Louis sneaked his arm around his back and rubbed circles on his lower back in encouragement and comfort.

“We went to the same school and it used to happen a lot back then, before the band. I just… I was never popular and they just… I don’t know picked on me or something. They broke my arm once before and bruised some ribs another time…”

**“So, they are bullies that took it too far? You are also starting an anti-bullying campaign as a band, is that true?”**

Liam flinched at that, and Louis answered this time, “This is more than taking it too far. Liam was in the hospital like, what was it, four times now because of them? I feel like this is going beyond bullying. And no, we are not doing this campaign, at least not now. We talked about it when it was suggested but we are not ready yet. We have a lot going on and we want to deal with this on our own and once we are comfortable, we might do some things in that direction”

**“Understandable, you were quite present in the media for all of this, as well. There were also rumours about you getting into a second fight with that group of boys?”**

Niall laughed out loud at that, then held up his broken wrist, “This happened the first day, when we tried to get them to stop kicking and hitting Liam. They broke my wrist. On the next day we went for a walk because we were going a little crazy sitting all five in Liam’s room all day. The three of us were playing football while Liam and Zayn walked around a little and two of these as- erm, guys, came up to us again and pushed me in a pile of glass shards” Now he switched his arms and held up the bandaged one.

“It wasn’t a fight, definitely not” Louis said, “They just came up to us and pushed Niall for whatever reason. Probably because we interrupted them the day before and they couldn’t see Liam. I mean, yeah, if Harry hadn’t held me back, I probably would have punched them that time, because I was properly pissed, but he didn’t let me, so no. No reason for the media to make up stories about us being violent or some shit”

“Lou, seriously” Zayn threw him a warning glance.

**“And you boys filled out a police report, right? Did you do that before as well, when they hurt you before, Liam?”**

“Uhm… no? I didn’t… I just, it’s… our management told us to” Liam stuttered around. He couldn’t answer that question, he knew it would sound horrible and he didn’t want the world to know how messed up he really was.

**“Why?”**

“That’s a rather stupid question, isn’t it? The main thing about bullying is that people don’t speak up about it and there is always a reason for it. We really don’t need to go into this. It’s not easy, especially without proof” Louis interfered, looking rather sharply at the man asking the questions.

**“Alright, now, lastly. The rest of you boys were not hurt apart from some bruises I heard, right? Niall you already said you have a broken wrist and injured hand?”**

The boys nodded at that.

**“The fans of course wonder what exactly was wrong with Liam. You hurt your shoulder, right?”**

Zayn answered this question, “THEY broke his collarbone, he has awful cuts and bruises all over his body, but the collarbone is the worst one along with the concussion he had. It also is the reason he’s not allowed on stage yet”

**“Of course, well, after these rather heavy questions I have a little game I want you to play. It’s called, ‘Who is most likely to…’, you know that game?”**

Liam let out breath he didn’t realise he had been holding in at that. He had made it through, there were no more questions and he did not have a panic attack, yet. Listening to the last few questions which he didn’t even have to answer was the hardest part of the interview. Everything felt like it was too much, and his mind was racing.

The band had played the following game quite often already, it seemed to be a hit in interviews lately, so Liam just followed the boys’ direction and pointed at whoever they were pointing at and soon it was over. Now they only needed to perform one song and they could leave. He had almost forgotten about the performance.

Starting off the song was always nerve wrecking, but the moment Liam started to sing he knew his voice sounded rougher than usual and he was out of breath a lot quicker than usual. The fans probably could hear he was messing up his notes and it just upset him further. His arm was shaking during his solo and when he was supposed to harmonise with Zayn, he only barely managed to get the notes out as he hoped he wasn’t ruining his band mates’ part of the song.

Jonathan came over and advertised their album and tour one last time before ending the show. When the man said his last words, Liam turned to Louis who was again standing right next to him, leaning against the older boy exhaustedly as Louis wrapped his arms around him. Liam just hoped desperately that the cameras were either already off or not on them at that moment. Usually they zoom in on the host during these last moments.

“Are you okay?” Zayn whispered to him as he stepped around Niall who’d been standing between them. Liam hummed softly instead of answering as he let his eyes slip closed for just a second. They were brought back to the dressing room where Liam finally felt like the tension was leaving him a little.

“You did great” Louis told him as they sat down on the sofa.

“Can we go, n-now?” Liam just asked as he leaned into Louis’ side, seeking comfort but not saying much further.

“The car will be here in a minute” Paul spoke up, “There are less fans now than before. If you want to stop for signs and photos now, Niall, you can. Paddy will be with you. Liam you are with me, you are going straight to the car”

Liam didn’t protest at all, as he was happy with that, too scared to be pulled or touched by fans and since his right arm was in a sling, he couldn’t sign much either. Waiting alone in the car though gave him too much time alone with his thoughts and thinking back to the interview they just did, scared him. The performance was one of his worst and he felt horrible about it. There would be a lot of hate comments, there always are when he messes up something. And he was also letting so many people down as well, disappointing them by not performing and the one thing he did perform he messed up.

When the boys joined him in the car, he just gave them a half-heartedly smile and said, “Took you forever”

Niall smiled as he sat down next to Liam, “Yeah, there were a lot”

“You look absolutely done” Harry commented, sliding in a seat behind Liam.

“Hm, I’m tired” Liam admitted.

“Yeah, and we have to get up early tomorrow” Zayn complained with a yawn as well.

When they were dropped off back at their apartment complex the boys all retreated to their respective flats, but only after Liam had taken the rest of their time in the car to convince Louis and Zayn that he was fine on his own. He just wanted some time for himself to think and process before they were all together on the tour bus the next night and wouldn’t get any alone time during the tour probably. Harry actually sided with him and Liam was grateful for that.

“Fine, fine, let’s just get dinner all together and then we’ll leave you to it, alright?” Louis was the last to give in under one condition.

They went to shower and get changed after ordering dinner and met back up in Liam’s flat once again. When Liam came out of his bedroom after getting a shower and changing, he was only wearing some shorts, not even having bothered with a shirt. The table in his living room was filled with takeout bags, Niall was sitting on the sofa laughing loudly while Louis and Zayn were on the floor, yelling and fighting each other. Harry was in the kitchen, Liam noticed as well as he stepped widely around his friends on the floor to get to the sofa and sit down next to Niall, not wanting to be pulled into the fight.

“What is their problem?” Liam asked Niall softly as he watched Louis pin down Zayn with a triumphant yell.

“They’re fighting over the remote” Niall supplied with a grin, “Lou is tired of Marvel”

“Oh, even Spiderman?” Liam frowned, “I like Marvel”

“Everyone knows you and Zayn are borderline obsessed with it” Niall told him with a laugh, before yelling to the kitchen, “Come on, Harry, hurry up I am hungry and I want to get to bed!”

“Why are they fighting over the remote if we are just going to eat and then go to bed anyways?” Liam now asked confused. Now Zayn had Louis pinned to the floor and both of them froze, stopping to struggle. Louis turned to Liam, “Wait, repeat that”

Liam laughed slightly, before repeating his question, directing it at them this time.

“Good question” Zayn replied, letting go of Louis and sitting back on the floor, “We are not going to watch a movie tonight, are we?”

Louis laughed out loud, letting his head drop back against the floor with a soft thud, “Force of habit, I guess”

“Great” Harry shook his head at them as he walked out of the kitchen, “Now get up so we can eat”

Liam was busy with dinner but still watched as his friends bickered along, threw food at each other, and just joked around during dinner. He loved this, just sitting with the boys and them fooling around, whether he was joining in or just observing like that night. Harry and Niall took over and cleaned up his living room and kitchen after they were done, before making sure that nothing could go wrong when they went on tour so Liam didn’t need to take care of anything in the morning.

Zayn had taken to drape himself over Liam in an everlasting hug while him and Louis continued to fight over Spiderman and Batman, followed by a weird discussion about their Hogwarts houses and how it correlates to their favourite superheroes.

“Let’s go, we are done” Harry called from the doorway sometime later.

Liam followed the boys to the door, and they all hugged him goodnight, with Louis holding on just that little bit longer, whispering, “Are you sure you are okay tonight?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine” Liam tried to assure him, but he knew Louis would worry about him.

Later that night, Liam was struggling to fall asleep again. He had talked to his parents for a few minutes since they had already called a few times, but he hadn’t had the courage to pick up until now. While Liam had dreaded another heavy conversation, they just asked how he was doing and ended up having a more relaxed conversation instead, just like before all of this happened. He had missed a little bit of normality and when his parents acted like nothing was wrong, he could relax a lot more. It was nice, felt really good to just pretend like things were as usual.

The only problem was, things were not as usual, his shoulder was hurting when he hung up the phone, a slight headache was starting behind his eyes and every time he closed his eyes, he was thinking back on what happened, jumping from the incident itself to the panic attack the day before and then back to their tv show appearance just hours before. He couldn’t stop thinking about this.

Trying to take his mind of things he looked at his phone, reading through the messages he’d ignored during the last few days. His sisters and parents had messaged him, as well as the other boys from their band and crew. There were a ton of missed calls from Paul and management that had stopped just as they had arrived back in London and seeing all of these just made Liam anxious. Usually he was the one out of the boys that dealt with their management and all the meetings, instead he was totally out of the loop now. He hadn’t talked to any member of their management team apart from Paul since their days off and it was worrying him.

In another attempt to distract himself he went on twitter. Maybe, just maybe he could find something uplifting and nice that would help his mood. He did find that his bandmates had been tweeting a few times during the last few dates, updating their friends with pictures and little comments about their day. It was the first time that he also saw the picture taken in the car of him and Niall fast asleep. Cringing at it he told himself to yell at Louis for it the next day, he looked horrible.

There were a few more of rehearsals or of them just sitting around in his living room which actually looked nice. Somehow the boys made it seem like the last few days were fun instead of nerve wrecking online. Liam didn’t know whether to feel upset or happy about this, so he went on and searched through the tag of their interview that he had stumbled across.

First, he was met with pretty nice and good responses. Most of them were polite and respectful and while that was good it still made Liam feel weird. Their fans were really protective and possessive which made Liam feel weird as well. There were teenage girls younger than him trying to protect him, wanting to start fights for him because he was too weak himself.

He knew he should not have clicked on the comments to their performance. He knew it. And did it anyways.

The comment section was a mix of people being nice, people talking about is bandmates and people absolutely destroying him for messing up. Listening back to it, he found it was not as bad as he first had thought, he just sounded out of breath and was pale but did a solid job. However, the comments did not think so. A lot of them were complaining, that if he were well enough to do one song, he should just do the full shows and Liam couldn’t help but agree. It was true, he should be there and not disappointing all the fans.

When he heard his front door open, Liam froze in panic. At first, he thought he was being paranoid, being up this late and the lack of sleep combined with the stress was probably messing with him. He quickly sat up with a wince and looked at his bedroom door, though, as he heard steps coming towards him. The door opened and Liam held his breath as it did so.

A familiar head of curls was the first thing he saw, followed by a deep voice he knew far too well in a whisper, “Liam?”

“Fuck!” Liam let out, tension draining out of him as he realised it was Harry, “You scared me!”

“Shit, I was being quiet, I thought” Harry said, closing the door behind himself and climbing into Liam’s bed.

“What are you doing here?” Liam asked, still trying to calm his too fast beating heart.

“Checking on you” Harry said, “Did I wake you?”

“No, I was awake”

“Why?”

“Couldn’t sleep”

“Well, Niall showed up at our flat crying and is currently cuddling with Louis because he had a nightmare apparently and Lou knows how to deal with that. I don’t” Harry explained, “But Lou was still worried about you and we were all awake so I came to check on you, which was good, seeing as you are awake at two in the morning, crying”

“I’m not…” Liam started to protest but at the same time realised that, yes, his face was wet.

“What’s going on? Why are you upset?”

“I have enough reasons for that, don’t I?” Liam just replied, “I’m so tired of talking about things”

Harry nodded in empathy, “I get that you don’t have to”

“Thanks…” Liam sighed, leaning back in against his pillows again, “For not pushing and stuff”

“I think Lou and Zayn do that enough and Niall and me balance that out a little”

Liam had to chuckle at that. It was true, he needed both of that and right now he needed Harry to be there and just let him be sad and upset without needing to find a solution or to talk about it all. Harry did just that, “Okay if I stay? We don’t have to talk”

Liam nodded, “Please”

“Alright, I’ll just text Lou so he won’t worry” Harry smiled and quickly typed away on his phone before settling down, lying his head on Liam’s chest, on his uninjured side as they cuddled close. Liam somehow found it easier with Harry’s subtle weight on his chest and side to fall asleep. He woke up again a few times during the night, needing to change positions when his shoulder started aching but with Harry always next to him it was easy to fall back asleep, he had just gotten used to the boys being with him at all times.

At four in the morning was the last time Liam woke up and glanced at his watch with a sigh before turning over and falling right back asleep again, only to be met with Louis yelling right in their faces. Liam had no idea what was going on as Harry started to move away from him and Liam could only wince as the slight headache, he had felt coming the day before was now in full force.

He reached out to Harry who seemed to be taking all the warmth with him, leaving Liam to shudder in the cold, “No”

“Liam, get the fuck up” Louis was yelling right at him now, at least it felt like he was yelling but when Liam blinked his eyes open Louis didn’t look like he was yelling, he looked relaxed.

Liam couldn’t help the groan that left him as he tried to turn away from all the noise and light, but Louis caught his arm, stopping him gently, “Liam, get up, you guys overslept, we need to go”

“What?” Liam asked, still not fully awake yet, “No”

“Li, come on” Louis was pulling him up in a sitting position now, “You are supposed to be the one that’s easy to wake up”

“Late?” Liam asked, forcing his eyes to stay open despite the pain it caused him behind his eyes.

“Yes, we need to get you dressed and get going”

“Niall?” Liam asked, finally catching on to Louis’ urgency and moving to get up. Harry must have already left somehow, Liam realised when he couldn’t see the curly haired boy anywhere.

“He’s okay, went right back to sleep after a little cuddle, just a little tired” Louis said as he walked to Liam’s closet and started to pull out some clothes and threw them on Liam’s bed, “You’ll have to eat something on the way”

Liam just started to get dressed, still trying to figure out why he had not been woken up by his phone like usual.

“What do you need to take on the bus with you? Anything you need to pack? We are not coming back here” Louis asked, hurrying through the room and his bathroom to gather what he needed.

“Uhm…” Liam just stared at him for a moment and Louis sighed, looking rather stressed.

“Liam, you really need to start waking up” Louis sighed as Zayn just started to walk in as well.

“What is taking so long?” Zayn asked immediately before stepping closer to Liam, grabbing his shirt out of the other boy’s hand.

“Liam is a little slow today” Louis supplied, “I’m just going to wing this and grab what I think you need, we don’t have time”

Louis quickly packed Liam’s stuff as Zayn helped him finish getting dressed. Louis was carrying his bags as they walked down to the car, being met by an unhappy Paul.

“I’m sorry” Liam said softly, probably looking as guilty as he felt, as they all climbed in the car.

“It’s fine, don’t worry” Paul’s expression softened a little as he closed the door behind them. Liam had been the last to get in the car and was sitting at the window with Louis next to him.

“Here’s some breakfast” Niall threw a bag at him and Liam found a sandwich in it.

“Thanks” Liam smiled at his friend. Niall was looking a little tired and pale but fine otherwise. While he ate, they were driven to the arena where most of their interviews would take place that day. Their bags were already taken to the tour bus as well for them.

Liam felt drained once they were done with the third interview and had a twenty-minute break. His shoulder was hurting horribly since he had forgotten to take his pain meds in the morning. Once they were left alone for a minute, he went to look through his backpack that they had taken along to the arena with them. He couldn’t find them.

“Lou?” he asked, turning to his bandmates who were all somewhere around the room.

“What’s up?” Louis asked coming over. He had been up and walking around for a while, stretching his legs after sitting around for all the interviews.

“Did anyone grab my meds?” Liam asked worriedly. Louis frowned, trying to remember everything that he had packed that morning, but he couldn’t remember grabbing Liam’s meds, “Shit, I don’t think so?”

“Maybe they are on the bus?” Liam suggested, his voice wavering a little. He’d have to wait until that afternoon to get them, probably, and he was in quite a lot of pain already.

“Did you take them this morning?” Harry asked also coming over now.

“No”

“Shit” Louis repeated, “I’ll ask Paul if he can send someone to the bus to get them. I hope they are there”

“Okay” Liam replied, slowly making his way back over to the sofa where Niall was curled up, texting someone and sat back down next to him. Louis had already left the room to talk to Paul as Harry was searching through his bag, probably making sure that Liam didn’t miss anything.

When Louis came back, he already had another interviewer in tow and grimaced at the band. He apparently didn’t like the woman already.

“Paul is taking care of it, shouldn’t take too long” Louis whispered to Liam before putting on a big fake smile for the interview. Everyone knew this was going to be a hard and long interview that they wouldn’t enjoy. Louis had certain expressions reserved for certain kinds of people. The first question already threw them off. There was no small talk, no easing into the subject, just bluntly, “How does it feel to have the world watch you getting beaten up?”

“What the fuck” Harry breathed out in shock as Louis eyes turned dark.

“Next question” Zayn stated without any other explanation while the rest of the boys stayed silent. Liam wanted to sink into the floor and never come up again. He had gotten through this morning so well.

“Well, alright, then… a lot of your fans are upset that they won’t get the full one direction experience at your shows, how do you feel about disappointing them and do you really think that your injuries justify that decision?”

“Yes, it is justified” Louis supplied, gritting it out between his teeth as he stopped at that. Instead of giving more details or actually answering the question in a better way, the rest of the boys just stared at her.

“Well, we could see at your performance yesterday that you can walk around and sing just fine, Liam, what are your thoughts on this?” she replied after a few uncomfortable seconds of silence.

Liam just glanced at her for a moment and she looked like she really wanted to provoke him. It took him a moment to gather his thoughts before answering, “W-we said before that it was not my choice. I would love to go on stage, but I’m not allowed and to be honest, last night showed that I am not ready for more than singing a few songs at a time.”

“How did it show?” the woman asked and earned a few more glares.

Liam just looked at her for a few moments, before deciding to just be honest, “The concussion is still bothering me, the lights and sounds on stage are not really fun with a headache and any movement I do with my upper body just simply hurts”

Niall couldn’t help the surprised, “I thought your headache was gone?”

Liam looked at him, apologising with his eyes for not saying anything yet, “Came back last night after the show”

“Let me just interrupt this for a moment here” Paul suddenly spoke up from where he was standing near the door silently, “I need Liam for a second and you need to find some other questions or this interview is over”

Liam closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath and then got up to talk to Paul.

“They are not on the bus. Louis probably forgot to grab them this morning. It will take at least one and a half hour to send someone back to London and almost the same time back.” Paul explained as he stared down at his phone. Liam, who somehow had felt like this was going to happen the second he couldn’t find them in his bag, just closed his eyes again, trying to control his breathing. There was no need to panic. Just a few hours. He would be okay, everything was fine.

“Liam, I’ve been trying to get a hold of your doctor. I’m trying to get him to send a new prescription over so we can pick up new ones” Paul said, “I think until I can do this you should go back to the tour bus and rest, you don’t look good”

“No, m fine” Liam replied, knowing very well that he was lying.

“You want me to believe that after you reveal that you had a headache since yesterday?”

“Not really” Liam sighed, “But I don’t want to be alone on the bus, there are no distractions”

Paul sighed, seeing the predicament they were facing, “Alright, I’ll check in with you after every interview and meeting, and you are going to be honest and I’m telling Louis to keep an eye on you”

Liam groaned, “He already is”

Paul then took the interviewer out of the room and talked to her about the questions, also telling her that she cannot release the footage that has been recorded up until now. She seemed unhappy with the answer but followed the instructions and started asking different questions. Louis and Zayn refused to give any more than short clipped answers as Niall just stayed quiet. This left Harry to pick up most of the interview with Liam jumping in as well after he realised what the others were doing. He couldn’t let the fans think they were all rude without reason. It would seem that way though because the first part will be cut.

Another interview later, Liam was really feeling it. Both, his shoulder, and head were killing him. The lights hurt his eyes and he dared not to move if it was possible, keeping his head still and keeping his left arm around his injured one, trying to somehow ease the pain by trying to keep it as still as possible.

Apparently it was written all over his face, because not just the boys were looking at him with worry, also the next interviewer did, who was a really sweet young girl that had only asked thoughtful and respectful questions until now. He could feel the glances of the other boys on him as well as Louis who tried to comfort him by putting his hand on Liam’s lower back again. This time Liam flinched at the contact, his whole body felt sensitive and hurt.

“Are you okay, Liam?” the girl suddenly strayed from her questions, looking at Liam in concern.

Liam looked up at her guiltily and tried to look as sincere as possible, “Yeah, I’m fine”

She didn’t look convinced, at all, and looked over to the rest of the boys who seemed to agree with her since Louis stood up, “We are going to take a little break if you don’t mind?”

She of course agreed quickly, and Louis pulled Liam up as gently as possible while gesturing to Paul who stepped closer. Both of them were on either side of him and led him to the other side of the room, pretending to give him privacy.

“Liam be honest” Paul just reminded him.

Louis was right next to him, “It’s okay to take a break, we knew you might need one”

Liam glanced between them before replying and admitting, “I n-need a break, I think… I just… I don’t want to go back to the bus alone”

“You should go take a nap, Liam, we’ll be there in just a few hours” Louis told him.

“I’m fine, though” Liam tried to argue tiredly, “Won’t change anything”

“I’m not going to argue with you, you are sitting this out until Paddy is back with your pain meds. I’m not letting you torture yourself for some interviews” Paul said sternly, “You finish this one while I get Andy here to watch the boys before I’ll take you to the bus”

Liam glared at him as Louis nodded approvingly. The injured boy couldn’t do much else unless he wanted to make a scene, so he followed Louis back to the sofa with the older boy apologising sweetly for the interruption. Fifteen minutes later him and Paul were on the way to the bus and Liam was stuck between being angry as well as disappointed and relieved for getting a break.

“There you go” Paul had opened the door to the bus and stepped aside to let Liam in.

“Alright, your bags should be all here, and I made sure that your fridge is stocked with food, snacks and drinks. Let me know if you need anything” Paul came in behind him, surprising Liam who thought he would leave again.

“Okay” Liam replied shortly.

“You have your phone on you, right? When you need something and the boys don’t pick up just call me, I can help or get one of them out of an interview for you” Paul told him again.

“Okay” Liam just answered again, “Just going to lie down now, though”

“Anything I can do for you now?” Paul asked with a worried glance.

“No”

“Okay, Paddy will come here straight away once he is back”

“Okay”

When Liam was finally left alone, he let the tears he had been holding in all morning fall. It was part of why he didn’t want to be alone, he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep his composure if he was alone. His head was pounding horribly so he shut off all lights before going to the back of the bus and sitting on the edge of his bunk. After taking off his clothes he just lied down and shut the curtain which took a lot of effort since his injured side was on the side of the curtain with how he usually slept in the bunk and he really didn’t want to change that. He couldn’t turn to sleep on his side with the pain it caused. The last few nights he had been able to turn around for some time at least with the help of the pain meds but without them it was impossible. It hurt just lying down on his back already as more tears escaped his eyes followed by a pained sob.

It felt like forever as Liam just lied there, unable to do anything, unable to fall asleep or move without feeling dizzy and unbearable pain. With no idea how much time had passed, Liam just hoped desperately that it was Paddy who was opening the door to the bus a while later.

It wasn’t. It was Josh, one of the other band members who came to the back of the bus and opened the curtain to his bunk carefully. The light that shone inside the bunk made Liam cry out in pain and turn away.

“Sorry” Josh whispered, “I got your meds from Paddy”

Liam let out a relieved sigh, followed by another sob he couldn’t stop. Lifting up his healthy arm and reaching for Josh who luckily got the message and Liam was pulled up in a sitting position again. It hurt but knowing that he would get some relief in the near future was definitely helping.

“Shit” Josh sighed, looking a little overwhelmed and Liam immediately felt guilty again, “Let me get you some water”

He left once he was sure Liam was sitting up on his own to go to the front of the bus. He returned almost immediately after with a water bottle which he opened for Liam. The boy shakily managed to take his medication and drink some of the water. Josh sat down on the bunk opposite him, looking more worried with each second.

“I’m… okay” Liam rasped out, wiping at his eyes in a weak attempt to stop his tears, “Sorry”

Josh shook his head slowly, “You are not, but we can pretend you are if you want to. Lou texted me to check on you and I literally walked into Paddy on the way here”

“S okay, I’m okay now, I will be in a few minutes” Liam said slowly, breathing deeply through the pain.

“Shit, Liam, you definitely are not okay” Josh replied, “What can I do to help?”

Liam smiled a little, “Nothing really, just have to wait it out for now”

“Well, I can’t just leave you alone like this, mate” Josh replied with a shake of his head.

Liam frowned a little before asking suspiciously, “Did Lou tell you that?”

“Nah, he just texted me to check on you, no explanation or anything” Josh laughed, “He can get quite overbearing, can’t he?”

“Yeah”

“I figured, I’ve got a big brother as well, it’s just what they do” Josh grinned softly, “You want to hang out for a little, we could watch a movie or something”

“Not going to be able to follow a movie” Liam muttered with a sigh, “Have a headache”

Josh winced in sympathy and nodded, “You want to go back to sleep?”

“Wasn’t sleeping” Liam replied, “The bunks are just the darkest place on this bus and the light is uncomfortable”

“Damn, Liam, you told us you were okay yesterday… why are you even on tour and doing press and all that? You should be at home” Josh told him with a wince.

“Because the last two times I left my house at home I was beaten up” Liam said, “And I’d rather be here and in pain than do that again”

“Bloody hell… what is wrong with these people”

Liam looked up at him with a frown, he hadn’t expected Josh to get angry like this or to care enough to stay around this long.

“So, you plan to just never go home again or what?”

“No, I don’t know” Liam seemed uncertain, “Just… maybe once that police stuff and the restraining order is through it will be better”

“Hopefully” Josh nodded, “That’s good you are doing this, they deserve it”

Liam didn’t answer, he knew what they did was not okay, but he still felt bad for being the reason they are getting in legal trouble.

“What are you going to do during the concert tonight?” Josh asked, changing the subject again.

“I don’t know, it’s boring to be here alone all night” Liam sighed.

“Especially if you can’t even watch a movie or play Xbox or so with a headache, right?” Josh smirked.

“Yeah, really annoying” Liam smiled at him, “Maybe once the meds kick in fully, I can do that, well, watch a movie at least”

“Right” Josh stared at the sling around Liam’s shoulder for a moment before asking, “Does that really help? Looks rather uncomfortable”

Liam smiled, “It really fucking hurts when I have to take it off to shower. Like, I don’t know, can’t keep my arm still without it, really, maybe I’m stupid but it helps a lot actually”

“Good, at least something” Josh smiled as well.

“I’m so fucking tired, though” Liam admitted with a grimace, “Don’t think I’ve slept more than a few hours at a time for a while now with this stupid thing”

“Damn, I really feel for you, mate. I wouldn’t be sane anymore if I were you” Josh said with a slight chuckle.

Liam grinned up at him with a slight shake of his head, which didn’t send him in a dizzy spell anymore like before, he realised, “Oh, thank god”

“Huh?”

“I think it’s starting to work, my head feels better” Liam smiled, “I moved my head and didn’t want to throw up or thought I was going to pass out”

“Think you can handle a movie?”

“Maybe, we can try” Liam sighed a little unsure, “You really don’t have to stick around anymore”

“Just because you stopped crying two minutes ago and can move your head like two millimetres now doesn’t mean you are better” Josh almost glared at him, “And I have nothing else to do, the others are out without me”

“Why?”

“They went to that steakhouse nearby and they don’t have any vegetarian options, so I stayed home”

“You don’t eat meat?” Liam asked as they started to make their way to the front of the bus.

The both of them fell into a light conversation as they put on a movie and watched it. Liam started to feel a lot better within the next hour even though he couldn’t shake the exhaustion creeping up on him. Somehow, he ended up lying down with his head in Josh’s lap and Liam wondered how that always happened without him meaning to. It’s the same with Zayn and Louis who always ended up cuddling him when they were watching a movie.

Josh was talking every now and then and sometimes just watching an interesting scene on the tv. Liam really tried to pay attention but even he could feel himself slipping away more and more with time until he just couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer.

Louis and Harry ran onto the bus in a hurry quite some time later. Josh who had been texting Louis every now and then and his bandmates as well, looked up confused. They both were actually mostly silent as they were hurrying.

“Be quiet” Josh whispered sternly looking down at a still asleep Liam.

Louis kneeled down on the floor to see for himself whether Liam was asleep and if he was alright, “How was he?”

Josh just looked at him, his mouth open as he wanted to say something but needed a second to gather his thoughts, “Why the fuck didn’t you tell us how bad it is? He was crying from the pain, it was so bad when I came in, couldn’t even open his eyes because of the headache and couldn’t get up alone or move. Like what the fuck, guys”

Harry and Louis exchanged worried glances before Harry asked, “That bad again?”

“And then he tried to make me leave as well” Josh added, looking more than a little hurt, “You guys said he was fine. We worry as well, you know? I thought we were friends… oh, the others are pissed as well, cause I texted them”

“Shit, alright, we’ll talk later, okay? We can explain a little, just, we have to get back like now… can you stay until sound check?” Louis frowned, looking at his watch unhappily.

“Yeah, the others might stop by as well” Josh added, “They might be a little worried…”

“It’s okay, just don’t… don’t ask too much or make him talk, okay? If he gets a panic attack, call us, please?” Harry asked, looking torn down at Liam before pulling Louis back up, “We need to go”

“Wait, what?” Josh asked confused as the other two ran out of the bus not looking back. Ten minutes later he got a text from Louis, promising an explanation later as well as a schedule for the pain meds Liam was supposed to take soon again.

Half an hour later his band mates came into the room, loudly, trampling up the stairs like they always do.

“Bloody hell be quiet” Josh hissed, looking down at Liam worriedly who still seemed to be dosing through all this luckily. Dan and Jon were the first ones in the bus with Sandy trotting behind a little slower.

“Liam asleep?”

Josh nodded, “Be quiet. Louis wants to talk later”

“Good” Sandy muttered sitting on the floor in front of the little sofa, between Josh’s legs and leaning against his knee.

The other two joined him on the floor as they softly talked to each other, trying not to wake Liam. It worked for about another 30 minutes before Liam stirred, silencing the room as he let out a soft groan and opened his eyes a little confused.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Josh looked down at him in concern as Liam just frowned for a moment before trying to sit up. A pained groan escaped him again as he struggled, still uncoordinated from his nap and confused by all the people in the room. Dan who was sitting on the floor and the closest to him immediately put his hands behind Liam’s back, practically lifting his upper body for him.

“T-thanks” Liam sighed out, turning so he could lean against the back of the sofa and let his legs drop to the floor, “Why are you… h-here?”

Dan frowned as he answered, “Well, Josh was here… and he said you weren’t feeling well so we came here”

“Oh…” Liam just said slowly.

“Lou wants to know how you are feeling” Josh spoke up, looking down at his phone, “And you need to take your pain meds again, apparently”

“Why are you texting him!?” Liam glared at Josh, “He won’t stop worrying if you do that!”

“Well, he might have a reason to, doesn’t he?” Josh just shrugged.

Liam groaned out loud, looking around the room, “Not you guys, too, just no, no. Stop that”

Sandy chuckled at that, “The other’s being mother hens and driving you crazy already?”

Liam nodded, making the four boys laugh, “I don’t think I can take twice of that”

“Don’t worry, we’ll be different” Dan smiled, as Jon added, “That doesn’t necessarily mean better, but yeah”

“Lou said I’m not supposed to let you deflect and change the subject, by the way” Josh said between laughter’s as he read the next message from the worried boy. He then went to the back of the bus to grab the meds and the water bottle they had left back there before.

“Can you grab my bag as well?” Liam asked as he sat up straight, peeling off the bandages on his torso with a wince, remembering that he needed to change them. He definitely did not do it as often as he was supposed to. Maybe that was the reason they were barely getting better.

There were still angry red lines around them as he looked at them with a frown, “Ew”

Jon laughed at his reaction while Dan asked, “What are you doing?”

“Got infected, need to see if it got worse and change that stuff” Liam explained with a sigh.

“Anything else you are hiding?” Josh asked as he threw his bag on the sofa next to Liam before handing him his meds and unscrewing the water bottle for him again. Liam took his meds and then answered, “No, just have a concussion, but I think you know that? I don’t know… And I mean… you can see my face and all the bruises like this… Looks worse than it is”

“It really doesn’t” Josh dryly said, as he watched Liam rummage through his bag and muttered, “If he didn’t pack the bandages as well, I’ll hurt Louis, seriously… oh, there they are”

Liam smiled for just a second before frowning again, then thinking out loud, “So, wait, he packed these stupid bandages and forgot my pain meds? What is wrong with him?”

“That what happened before?” Josh asked curiously and Liam nodded.

“Damn, that’s probably why he was so worried” Josh mused with a sigh.

Liam was now working on getting new bandages on his cuts but already struggled with opening the package with only one hand.

“Damn, it’s like watching a puppy” Sandy ripped them out of Liam’s hand and started to do it himself despite Liam’s protests.

“Nah, Louis has been like this the whole time” Liam disagreed with Josh, “And it was my fault for not taking any this morning, I forgot and when I realised we were in the middle of interviews and I couldn’t take a break for a while and then we realised we forgot to pack them and it all went wrong from there…”

“I see” Jon sighed, shaking his head a little. Liam waited until Sandy was finished with his bandages before gingerly getting up from the sofa with a wince, his healthy arm once again supporting his hurt side.

“What are you doing?” Dan asked worriedly, getting up as well.

“I need to eat something. I only had a sandwich, like, this morning and the pain meds make me sick, like, pretty bad if I don’t eat” Liam tried to explain, “Already failed at that once and it really wasn’t pretty”

He pulled open the fridge and closed it again with a frown before deciding to just grab some fruit from the counter.

“Aren’t you supposed to eat before you take the meds, then, not the other way around?” Josh questioned.

“If I remembered that in time I would have” Liam almost smiled at them, “Don’t you need to be places and stuff?”

“We have half an hour until sound check” Dan informed him with a shrug.

“Great, I’ll come with you. I want to see if there is something good to eat left” Liam smiled, “Just need to get dressed, which might take just as long”

“Shit, Liam” Sandy shook his head in disbelief, “Any way we can help?”

“Nah, I’ve got it” Liam waved them off as he slowly trotted to the back of the bus. The other four exchanged worried glances as they pretended, they couldn’t hear Liam let out soft, pained groans and whimpers every now and then. When he came back to the front almost fifteen minutes later, he was wearing black sweatpants and a white shirt with a grey hoodie over it. He only had one arm through as he hadn’t even bothered trying to put his injured arm through the arm of the hoodie. His shoes were untied as well.

“Seriously?” Josh asked with a raised eyebrow while Dan and Jon just laughed, and Sandy looked actually more concerned.

“Mate, come here, let me at least tie your shoes” Sandy said, “If you fall it’s going to be bad and Louis will kill us if we let you out like this”

“I think it would be Zayn” Liam replied, his cheeky mood from before replaced by a tired sigh, “Lou might punch you, but Zayn will seriously hurt you if you really make him angry”

“Good to know” Dan laughed.

They didn’t really do anything about the hoodie that Liam was only wearing halfway before leaving the tour bus and making their way to the arena. Paul spotted them first and immediately scolded him, “You are not supposed to walk around alone!”

“I wasn’t, I had four people with me” Liam protested faintly.

“He came here to look for food” Josh told Paul, “We need to get to sound check. We’ll tell Lou we left him with you”

With that Liam was alone with their pissed of tour manager and security guard.

“I told you there was food on the bus” Paul told him but led him through the hallways.

“I ate something on the bus, but like, I’m hungry” Liam explained.

“How are you feeling?”

“A lot better” Liam smiled thankfully at the man, “Just like, high on meds again, so maybe don’t let me climb on things”

“Wasn’t planning on doing so”

Paul sat with him as he grabbed some leftovers from their craft services that usually would already be closed by now and then brought him back to where the rest of the boys were doing sound check. Liam sat at the side of the stage and just watched for a while. While he was feeling better with the pain meds, he also felt a lot more rested, having slept the longest in one go since a while with Josh, which surprised him.

While the boys didn’t have much time after sound check, they all hung around the stage, the nine of them including their backing band and just fooled around for a while. Just as they were starting to let the fans in, they were pulled backstage and Paul told Liam he had to go back to the bus in a stern way that left no room for discussion.


	8. Eight

“That was a shit show” Louis cursed as they got back to their dressing room after the show. Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. They messed everything up, no one knew when to sing what part since they had to change around a few things for them to take over Liam’s parts. At some point Harry looked like he was going to cry while Louis just felt overwhelmed. They didn’t have enough time to rehearse or to actually think things through more than once the day before and now it was showing. He knew the fans probably were disappointed. They messed up the order of the songs as well, Niall didn’t know what to do with himself without his guitar and got tired of holding his microphone up halfway through the show, his arms and hand hurting.

Zayn was busy trying to coordinate them during the show and tried to keep them together like Liam usually does, but it was hard.

“Can’t wait for this fucking week to be over” Louis said as he fell in a chair, grabbing a water bottle. He looked at the other boys. Harry looked just disappointed and sad as he sat next to him while Zayn was holding Niall’s bandaged hand and talked to him softly. Concerned, Louis tried to figure out what was going on but soon Zayn pulled the blonde over to where Louis and Harry were sitting and pushed him to sit down.

“He got too close to a fan with his hand” Zayn told Louis, “It’s bleeding, I’ll see if we have some bandages so we can take these off and change them”

Louis nodded worriedly and immediately took a hold of Niall’s hand, starting to unwrap the bandage already with a sympathetic wince as he saw that it was indeed bleeding a little, “Doesn’t look too bad, how is your wrist?”

“Heavy” Niall whimpered, “It hurts”

“Okay, you can take something on the bus, and we’ll rewrap it” Louis told him and pulled him against him in a little hug. Niall let his head drop on Louis’ shoulder as they waited for Zayn to return with his arm in Louis’ lap as well. When Zayn came back, he sat down on the floor in front of Louis to take care of Niall’s wound gently. Their dressing room door opened as Josh, Dan, Jon, and Sandy entered the room loudly. Niall flinched as he had rested against Louis with his eyes closed almost falling asleep.

“You said you were going to explain after the show” Josh stated, glancing at Louis who nodded.

“Yeah, just, give us a few minutes to deal with this” he pointed at Niall’s injured arms, “And to go see if Liam is still up”

Paul also entered the room now, frowning as he saw all eight of the boys, “What are you up to?”

“Team bonding exercise” Harry said with a little smirk, making the room chuckle.

“Your bus is leaving in an hour, boys” he addressed Louis, Zayn, Niall, and Harry.

“Ah, shit” Louis frowned, “How long will we be driving?”

“Four hours” Paul said.

“If you want to talk you might have to come along on our bus” Louis told the other four, “If you don’t mind, but no party. Liam and Niall need to get some sleep”

The two bands came to the agreement that they would all just go on the bus of the one direction boys and figure things out as they went. Niall, who was now patched up and mostly asleep, drooling on Louis’ shoulder was picked up by Paul as he lead the way for them to the bus. The boys from their backing band quickly ran ahead to grab some things from their bus before meeting up with the other four who were just getting back on the bus. The lights were off as they entered, and Liam was nowhere at the front of the bus.

While Zayn went ahead to Niall’s bunk where Paul laid the boy that was fast asleep by now down, Harry went to see whether Liam was in his bunk. He wasn’t, Harry realised with a frown as he pulled the curtain back, “Liam?”

“The bathroom is locked” Louis said as he had ran straight into the door, then knocked, “Liam, you in there?”

Liam answered with a muffled but soft, “Yes”

“Hurry up!” Louis told him before returning to the front of the bus, where Paul was waiting with the other members of the band, Harry following him.

“Liam is in the back, right?” Paul asked and nodded, “Alright, no more leaving the bus since you are all here, we’ll take off soon”

With that the security guard left the room.

“Niall is asleep, right?” Louis asked, flopping on the sofa with a yawn.

“Yeah, left some water and pain meds with him for when he wakes up” Zayn told him, sitting next to him. Harry and Josh followed, squeezing on to the sofa as Jon, Dan and Sandy sat on the floor.

“So, how shit were we tonight?” Louis asked with a little sad chuckle looking at the other four boys who immediately grimaced as well as Zayn and Harry.

“You were trying” Dan shrugged, “It was never going to be perfect on such short notice”

“Yeah, it wasn’t that bad” Jon nodded with an encouraging smile that had Louis raise his eyebrow.

“Nah, you were pretty shit” Josh said with a little laugh, “Not disastrous, but really chaotic”

Zayn laughed at that, loudly, while Harry just shook his head and Louis shrugged, “Yeah, that’s about it”

They could hear the door to the bathroom open and close, but Liam didn’t come to the front of the bus like they all expected him to. The group of boys waited for a few moments as Zayn and Louis exchanged a few glances and Louis got up, “I’ll be right back”

Louis quickly went to the bathroom as he didn’t hear a sound coming from either Niall or Liam before he went to check on Liam again, “Li, luv, are you awake?”

When no answer came, he pulled back the curtain. Liam was pressed against the corner of his bunk, curled up on himself with tears shining in his eyes and rolling down his red face.

“Liam, love” Louis just said softly, pulling the curtain all the way back and sitting down on the edge of the bunk. Liam lifted his left arm and draped it over his face, trying to hide away, as he tried and failed to take a breath. Only now Louis realised that Liam had not taken a single breath.

“You need to breathe, luv” he said softly, reaching out to Liam, putting his hand on Liam’s front gently, rubbing gentle circles on Liam’s chest, “Slow, deep breaths, Li, come on”

Liam shook his head violently, more tears streaming down his face as he tried to move away from Louis but only pushed himself further against the wall in the process. Louis got a little scared now, as Liam was struggling.

Just as he was about to call for help, Liam managed to draw in a shuddering, painful breath of air, a high-pitched gasp escaping him.

Louis tried to get him to breathe properly again, but ended up calling out, “Zayn!”

He didn’t care that he was startling Liam, the boy was barely breathing, trying to get away from him and it scared Louis.

“What’s wrong?” Zayn came slowly to the back of the bus. Harry and Josh were also up and looking along the hallway while staying at the front of the bus. Louis didn’t even know what to say, just gestured to Liam and Zayn, who took his time to lean down and look inside, cursed at the sight. He pushed Louis away from where he was sitting, one arm still on Liam. Louis got up as Zayn just climbed into the bunk with Liam, lying down on his side and whispered encouraging words to Liam. Louis crouched down and reached over Zayn, taking a hold of Liam’s hand this time.

“What’s going on?” Harry’s soft voice was right behind them suddenly and Louis turned to him.

“Panic attack” Louis whispered, “Bad one”

“Why?” Harry asked but Louis only shook his head.

“Liam, Liam, hey” Zayn’s voice suddenly grew a little louder and more panicked before the boy froze and then turned back to Louis with wide eyes, “He passed out, I think”

Louis couldn’t help the sigh that escaped him as he let his head fall forward against Zayn’s back. The other boy had barely fit into the bunk with Liam. Harry stared at them in shock before wordlessly turning around and walking to the front of the bus. Louis was already on his way to follow him but stopped in his tracks as he saw Harry throwing himself at Josh, demanding comfort. The other boy looked back at Louis in confusion but held on to Harry at the same time, hugging him. Dan was by his side within the second as well, turning to Louis with questioning eyes. Louis just shook his head, turning back to Zayn. Zayn was fully turned to Liam again and was pulling the boy back to the middle of the bunk carefully. Louis was glad, having worried about Liam’s position and his collarbone the moment he had opened the curtain but had been distracted from that thought again.

Zayn climbed out as he had pulled Liam in the middle of his bed and covered him with his blanket. Liam looked so peaceful save from the redness and tears on his face. He wasn’t breathing normally yet, his body still fighting with the strain the panic had put on it, but it looked like he was just sleeping.

“Fuck, Z, what are we even doing?” Louis whispered desperately looking at his band mate.

“Haven’t got a fucking clue” Zayn replied, “I’ll stay here, you go to the front and calm down”

“My brain stopped, I didn’t know what to do when I found him like this and talking and hugging didn’t work” Louis said instead, “Fuck, I’m so dumb”

“No, you are exhausted and sometimes we can’t do anything about it. Nothing I did worked either” Zayn said him with a soft smile, “You did just fine. Go check on Harry and talk to the band”

Louis frowned but slowly made his way to the front of the bus again. Josh and Dan were on the sofa with Harry who was crying, clinging to Josh, but not saying anything. Sandy and Jon looked just confused and concerned.

“What happened?” Dan asked first when Louis just stood there for a moment.

“Panic attack” Louis explained, feeling like he was only repeating himself now, “Sometimes it’s bad enough Liam passes out, like now. Zayn is staying with him. He usually feels like shit when he wakes up”

“What the fuck…” Sandy said out loud what the rest was thinking.

“He was doing really good, lately, I don’t even know the reason for this one” Louis continued to talk, before apologising, “Sorry for this, I know we were supposed to explain things, just… like, I don’t even know. You probably want to get back on your bus”

“Louis, it’s fine, don’t worry about it. We really just want to help” Dan told him with a soft smile and shake of his head.

Louis nodded then turned to Harry, “You okay?”

“Yeah” Harry sniffled, “Just hate this. I didn’t expect it and he was supposed to be feeling better, not worse”

“Yeah” Louis replied slowly, “Fuck”

The oldest band member walked away from the sofa to the little kitchen area, “I need tea”

Jon came over to help him since they all could use some tea as Louis called over Harry once they were done, handing him a cup, “Give this to Zayn, alright? And check on Niall, please?”

Harry did as told before joining them at the front of the bus again. They all settled down on the sofa and the floor again.

“Do you guys want to like relax or can we ask some questions? Because we’ve got a lot” Dan dared to ask after a few moments of them just sipping their tea. Louis nodded with a tired sigh, “Told you we’d explain”

“You know the basics, right, the interviews and stuff?”

“Haven’t had the time to watch them, only the press releases and your tweets and stuff” Josh shook his head, “We know Liam was bullied and they cornered him to beat him up, apparently not for the first time and that you guys intervened”

Louis nodded slowly, “Okay…”

“Well, first question, since when does Liam get panic attacks? He’s the calm collected one” Sandy spoke up with a frown.

“Yeah! And why the hell is he on tour when he should be at home recovering or something”

Louis sighed loudly while Harry decided to answer, “Not all questions at once, like, just one at a time, please! Well, the thing is, they didn’t just like bully Liam, not like you usually think, teasing and pushing around a little, like we all first thought. These two guys Michael and Jason always teased him and messed with him but it got like really bad where they beat him up every day after school and when he fought back they found some more friends and cornered him five against one and put him in the hospital, breaking his arm, another time they broke his ribs if I remember correctly. But those are just the ones he was in the hospital for. No one really knew or cared enough to figure it out, not even his parents. Like, it must have been really, really bad”

Louis nodded and continued, “We found out when he went home during that one show in his hometown. He came back with his messed-up knee if you remember? We barely knew what was happening back then and tried to keep it as down low and harmless as possible when it got out to the media, but that kind of backfired. We also found out then that he had been having panic attacks like the whole time we’ve been a band; he was just really good at hiding it and we were too occupied to figure it out”

Harry continued then again, replaying the events that had happened up until now, not leaving any part out while Louis sometimes supplied some extra information.

“So, the problem is, he can’t go home, not unless he wants to worry about just leaving his house right now. His relationship with his parents is a little confusing now as well, they actually mentioned something like therapy or so when we left and Liam freaked out, got angry and we’ve only seen him slightly angry like twice before” Harry finished.

“I’m already pissed off and we didn’t even tell you about the kidney, yet!” Louis sighed. The other boys now obviously wanted to know what Louis was talking about, so he had to explain this as well, mentioning the sick game Michael and Jason had come up with as well.

“But like what is wrong with his parents? They just let that happen!” Dan asked with a confused expression, “I mean, like, no one cared? Like why would you want to hurt Liam? He is a little puppy that tries to make everyone happy!”

“He didn’t want us to hug him in the beginning because he didn’t want to get used to it” Harry said instead of answering the question, Louis added, “And he tries to protect these guys every now and then, because he thinks it’s his fault even though we’ve been trying to convince him otherwise”

“It’s scary how he thinks that everything is his fault and that no one cares” Harry nodded, “But he did get better at a lot of these things, like hugging and telling us if he is hurt and stuff”

Louis nodded, looking almost a little proud.

“Fuck, that is so messed up. Like these people just go around, seriously injuring Niall and Liam and no one cares while the press and fans torture them just even more?” Josh said.

“That about sums it up” Louis agreed, “We are just trying to get through this tour without either of them ending up permanently scarred or hurt worse while somehow keeping sane ourselves”

“I’m not sure whether I want to go out and find those sons of bitches to punch them or to go back there and cuddle Liam for the rest of his life” Sandy sounded seriously torn and upset about his dilemma, which made Harry and Louis laugh. It was a pretty good summary of their feelings through the last few days and weeks.

“Keep it quiet” Zayn’s soft voice spoke behind them suddenly, surprising them. He was holding his empty teacup in his hand and set it on the counter, “Liam woke up, feels like shit, like the last times but insisted on showering”

Louis opened his mouth, a thousand questions on his tongue at once but Zayn shook his head, “No, he didn’t say what triggered it, didn’t say much at all, just let me hug him for a while until now. Told him that you all are here and to come out once he is done. Oh, and he of course was worried about why Niall was the only one asleep already and then worried some more about Niall’s hand”

Zayn grabbed himself a bag of crisps before joining the others on the floor, “You guys filled them in?”

The group of boys nodded.

“I can see that, don’t look this upset when Liam comes out or he’ll feel guilty for making you guys sad” Zayn told them sternly, looking rather unbothered by all of this but Louis knew that Zayn was boiling on the inside just the same. Zayn was just really good at masking these feelings if he really wanted to and after sitting with Liam for so long, he had put on a pretty good mask.

Liam looked at least as horrible as he must be feeling when he slowly came to the front of the bus a few minutes later, his hair still dripping wet in only some shorts as he was fumbling with the sling and straps around his shoulder that were not fastened, yet. His eyes were glassy and bloodshot in contrast to his pale face. Louis roughly pushed Dan off the sofa, motioning for Liam to sit there instead. The younger boy looked at Louis with wide eyes and just stared for a few moments at Dan who found a new space on the floor without any protests. Louis leaned forward to grab Liam’s arm gently and pulled softly to make Liam sit down next to him, before he could fix the sling for him and wrapping Liam in a tight hug for just a few seconds too long until he let him go again. Harry scooted closer on Louis’ other side, leaning over the older boy to muster Liam carefully, before stating, “Your cuts look less infected”

Liam glanced down at himself, not having bothered to cover them up after his shower and he had to agree, they were looking a little bit better than this afternoon when he had last changed the bandages. Louis nodded with a smile, “That’s great”

Liam shuffled closer to Louis, knowing all the attention was still on him and slid down a little until he could rest his head against Louis’ chest. While he was uncomfortable being the centre of attention, he did like it when Louis wrapped his arms around him and held him close, so he could hear the older boy’s heartbeat. It was the most calming sound in the voice, Liam found, right next to Zayn’s heartbeat.

He pulled away again a few moments later, fumbling for his phone in the pockets of his shorts with his left hand. Knowing that his heart was racing again as he looked for the message, he wanted to show Louis, he still pushed through, pushing the panic down. When he handed the phone over to Louis who frowned at him, he returned to his place on Louis’ chest, burying his face in his shirt, feeling still shaken.

“Zayn” Louis voice was tight and low, but he didn’t let any other emotions through, just tried to be as calm as possible as he handed over the phone to Zayn before using both his arms to hug Liam tightly against his chest again, needing to feel Liam safe in his arms.

“We need to tell Paul” he added once Zayn had read the text, the boy freezing with wide eyes. Harry leaned forward to snap the phone out of his friend’s hand, so he and the other four boys could read the messages as well.

“That is scary” Harry was the next to say something, looking actually terrified.

“Harry, forward these messages to Paul” Zayn ordered, “I’m calling him”

The other boy grabbed his own phone, trying to get their head of security on the phone. It rang a few times before a sleepy Paul picked up, asking what the hell was wrong.

“We are sending you some messages Liam got, they are fucking scary and we don’t know what to do. They are from Jason” Zayn said without any greetings, “Harry just sent them, they should be there- oh, you got them?... okay, yeah… yes, we are a little freaked… okay… bye”

Zayn hung up after the short conversation, his face still pulled into a frown, “He said he’ll take care of it and not to worry”

“Right…” Louis scoffed, one arm around Liam’s middle with the other brushing through Liam’s hair, the boy’s face still pressed against his chest.

“There’s not much he can do while we are on the road. He promised to take care of this in the morning and he’s been talking to the police and lawyer about all this this week anyways and will inform them, see if he can speed along the restraining order” Zayn elaborated.

“This guy is fucking mental, isn’t he?” Dan just asked, “This Jason guy?”

“Why are you guys not more freaked out?” Harry asked with a high-pitched voice, “Did we all read the same thing?”

Josh pulled him in a soft hug, nodding, “We did, we just know that right now, realistically seen nothing bad can happen. And we all trust Paul to figure this out and keep Niall and Liam safe”

“But that was… so detailed…. Like, not just the usual death threat… and not just from a random person on the internet…” Harry argued, shaking his head.

“Please don’t start to repeat what he said” Sandy said, “I might throw up”

“Harry, Sandy, stop talking about it, please” Louis told them with a glare while his voice sounded soft and warm, glancing down at Liam who was now trembling in his arms. Zayn climbed onto the sofa as well, squeezing in on Liam’s other side and cuddling him as well, “It’s going to be okay, Li, we are not leaving you alone again”

“And we’ll watch over Niall as well, no need for you to worry about him” Louis added, kissing the top of Liam’s head, “We’ve got you both and these four dorks here want to help as well. You are not alone anymore”

Liam still didn’t show his face but nodded against Louis this time.

“Is there ever going to be a day on this tour where we actually get to sleep through one night?” Harry suddenly asked, “Tomorrow is going to be so horrible. We need to be up in like four hours”

Zayn and Louis just looked at him with sad sighs as the other four frowned again.

“Why is there a party and I wasn’t invited?” Niall called out from the back of the bus, just sliding into the room seconds later with a wide smile on his face.

“Someone is feeling better” Louis commented with a smirk, “This is not exactly a party”

“Yeah, great what meds and sleep can do, right?” Niall smiled as he went to the fridge grabbing himself a pre-packaged sandwich before plopping down next to Dan on the floor. Harry got up from his seat and sat next to Niall, showing him the messages on Liam’s phone, “Paul already knows, but it did freak us all out a little. I don’t think you need to worry, though, that’s what we have security for. It scared Liam, though, a lot”

“Oh” Niall breathed out with wide eyes, glancing between Liam and Harry a few times, before letting his sandwich drop back down on the plate, “It’s okay, Liam, Paul always keeps us safe”

When Liam didn’t react to him, Niall’s frown deepened, “What’s wrong?”

“Just not in the mood to talk right now” Zayn said gently with a shake of his head. They could fill Niall in later when Liam was not listening and overthinking every word being thrown into the room, “It’s been quite the long day”

“Yeah, I mean, I am awake now, but I will be dead in the morning” Niall grinned, “Maybe we can ask Paul for a longer lunch break. I’d love to take a nap”

“You also love to eat” Harry smiled as well.

“Right, well, I’ll have to figure out how to do both at the same time then” Niall shrugged, picking his sandwich back up again, “How long until we are at the next stop? I’m bored”

Louis frowned, “It’s the middle of the night, luv, you can’t do anything really”

“Yeah, that is the problem, I can’t even play video games” Niall whined, holding up his arms for show.

“We have some board games we haven’t played yet” Harry said, “Maybe we can try these until we arrive”

“YES!” Niall was overly excited while the rest of the boys just went along with it.

Everyone but Louis and Liam joined the boys on the floor where they spread out the game and started to play. Meanwhile Louis laid down on the sofa, having all the space to himself with Liam cuddled on top of him, head coming to rest against his neck this time. While the younger boy still hadn’t said a single word, Louis could feel him relax as time went on and he watched the others play the game.

Louis had trouble staying awake himself once he could feel Liam almost falling asleep a few times. The younger one struggled, trying to stay awake as did Louis. But the bus soon rolled to a stop and the door opened to reveal Paul just seconds later.

“You boys have been awake the whole night, haven’t you?” the man seemed a little upset but not angry or mad at them about this. Harry and Niall nodded slowly, though, confirming it.

“Alright, we need to talk about these texts” Paul said, then addressed the backing band, “You can go back to your own bus now”

He waited until the four of them filed out before sitting at the table with Zayn, Harry, and Niall. Louis and Liam took a while longer to get up, mostly because Liam was trying to keep clinging to Louis, not wanting to face what was going on.

When Liam and Louis finally sat down, Louis was holding his hand and Liam looked just the same as before, red rimmed glassy eyes, pale face, and dark circles under his eyes.

“First of all, I don’t want you boys to be scared about this, just aware. I talked to the police and the lawyer and they are going to push the restraining order through as soon as possible and question the guys again. I will up the security around you guys and I want you to take me serious when I say you can’t walk somewhere without. We are reducing time with fans as well, especially outside on the streets and do extra security and bag checks at the entrance. Everyone knows these guys are banned and they won’t be let into the arenas or any shows you attend”

The boys nodded along to this, while Liam just stared down at his arm.

“Okay, no fooling around with security or safety until this is resolved, I mean this. No running away after meetings and no jumping into the crowd” Paul emphasised on the rules, staring at each member of the band separately for a few seconds.

“While we are a little bit dumb sometimes and do things we shouldn’t, we are not completely stupid” Louis explained, “We know this is serious”

“Alright, you guys go and get some sleep, you only have like two hours left” Paul told them as he got up.

“It’s not going to do much good now, I think, though” Harry replied with a frown, “What is our schedule?”

“Similar to yesterday” Paul said before he finally left them alone this time. Even though neither really believed that they would be able to actually get some sleep they all climbed into their bunks afterwards, trying to get at least some rest for the upcoming day.

While Liam was not nearly in as much pain as the day before he did not feel good. But this time it was not just him, Niall and Harry looked pale as well, they were tired and probably still just as upset and scared as him. The lack of sleep brought out the grumpiness in Zayn and Louis on the other hand. Zayn grew even more quiet and moody than usual in interviews as Louis was loud. Not his usual loud, though. He didn’t make funny remarks but provocative sarcastic ones, that sometimes confused even his bandmates, unsure whether he was joking or actually angry at some points.

The interviews were more spread out during that day, though, since they actually had to travel to two different radio stations for some morning shows and then went to a studio to pre-record some talk show.

Louis hated these talk shows, and it was showing. Liam actually had to nudge him once, after he was being sarcastic and slightly rude as well once again. When Liam glared at him, Louis sighed then frowned and then stayed quiet for the rest of the interview, making the other boy feel almost guilty again.

That feeling quickly disappeared when the first thing Louis said afterwards was, “Why do you have to be so nice? These were some damn rude questions! I don’t care about upsetting them!”

“They’ll just cut it up to make you look rude, though and the fans will be sad. You care about the fans” Liam argued.

“I care about you guys more and they were being rude to all of us” Louis argued, “Liam, seriously, I love you, but you are way too nice. You might be a little right about them cutting it badly, but still”

Liam frowned at his friend just a little at that, but before he could reply something again, Zayn had his arm around his shoulder, pushing him along to the car where Paul and Paddy were leading them to. At the doors they were met with some more guards before they were pushed through the rather little group of fans compared to their usual crowds.

For lunch they were back at the arena where they met up with the other four boys of their backing band again to eat together. Dan insisted on carrying Liam’s plate for him as Harry helped out Niall.

“Why are you so fucking happy and awake?” Louis cursed, letting his head drop on to the table.

“Because we had the morning off. The perks of only being in the background, mate” Jon laughed, patting Louis on the head with a smirk. He was quickly shoved off though.

“I hate you” Zayn muttered, glaring at the four as well.

“Be nice” Liam told his bandmates with a little frown on his face. He didn’t like it when they were this grumpy and even a little rude. It didn’t matter if it was partly a joke because there was a little bit of truth underneath.

Meanwhile Niall was leaning on the table, his head resting on his arms as he stared to the side to his food, mumbling, “Food or sleep? Food or sleep… ugh”

“You alright there, Niall?” Josh who had followed Liam’s gaze to his friend asked in concern.

“No!” Niall groaned, fidgeting around uncomfortably before picking up a fork, “I’m tired”

Not even fifteen minutes later, Paddy and Andy came to the room to get the boys for their next meeting.

“I’m not moving” Harry announced, flinging himself against Sandy who was sitting next to him and closing his eyes, pretending to snore. Niall smirked, doing the same, but instead of grabbing the person next to him which would be Liam, he held on to the table. Louis and Zayn just laughed at their bandmates while Liam couldn’t help a chuckle himself. Paddy was not amused; he told the boys to quit messing around and even though he felt sorry for them he had to get them to an interview. Harry and Niall didn’t budge, only occasionally opening one eye to throw a glance at their bandmates and giggling.

Andy had enough of it after only a few moments and grabbed Niall, pulling him off the table with no effort before throwing him over his shoulder. Paddy copied his moves with Harry, who let out a scared shriek and struggled while Niall had just gone along with it.

“Are we going to be nice and follow or be difficult?” Louis thought out loud and earned himself a glare.

“Louis, I swear, if you don’t-“ Andy started to threaten him, but Louis just laughed at him as he started to get up, pulling a sleepy Zayn with him. Liam followed after them, shaking his head a little amused at the actions of their bandmates.

Their next interview was on the stage itself, where they were supposed to show a reporter around and answer some question before sound check.

The camera was already rolling, because as soon as the young woman saw the boys, she started introducing them. Andy sat Niall down next to her while Paddy put Harry down, but the boy was clinging to him with a shout, “Noooo!”

Paddy laughed and ruffled his hair before walking alone as Zayn, Louis and Liam joined them, all greeting the woman politely. She immediately asked about their entrance and made the boys all giggle like little kids again.

“These two were throwing a tantrum because they are tired” Louis chuckled out, earning a punch from Harry, “It wasn’t a tantrum. I just didn’t want to walk here, and I wasn’t finished eating”

“Neither of us had enough time to eat, mate” Zayn told him, “But only you two were carried here”

“I just wanted to take a nap” Niall sighed, leaning against Louis, and letting his head fall onto the older boy’s shoulder.

“We are so professional today, aren’t we?” Liam asked with a little smile, “Does anyone else want to whine about something or are we done for now?”

“My arm hurts”

“It’s cold”

“I’m hungry”

Liam regretted his question immediately as all of the boys started to voice their concerns about anything, anything that came to their mind.

“Sorry” Liam apologised to the woman guiltily.

She smiled, “It’s alright, you boys are not having the best day I’m assuming?”

“Definitely not, but we’ll stop that now, sorry” Louis replied, putting on a soft smile, showing that he was ready for the interview now. Zayn nodded and while Harry and Niall were still giggling, they could start the interview now.

She started out with a few basic questions about the tour, their music and the stage, which Zayn and Liam mostly answered. Harry nudged Liam’s arm at some point during the questions and nodded towards Niall, whose head was still on Louis’ shoulder. He had his eyes closed and Liam smirked, whispering to Harry, “He asleep?”

Harry replied, “Think so”

Their whispering alerted Zayn as well, who followed their glances and started to laugh quietly. Louis frowned, having trouble to hold his thought as he was just answering a question and stopped once Liam started to giggle as well, “Alright, what is going on with you?”

“Niall is asleep” Liam whispered, his eyes not leaving their Irish friend. Louis’ eyes widened, “I was wondering, why he was fully leaning on me. He’s getting heavy”

The oldest member started to shake Niall gently, an arm around his waist. Niall startled awake, head shooting up as he looked around frantically. Without Louis’ steadying arms around him, he probably would have fallen over.

“It is really rude of you to fall asleep mid interview, Nialler” Harry told him with a disappointed shake of his head he couldn’t quite keep up before bursting out laughing. Niall mumbled an embarrassed, “Sorry”

“I think you were just about to show me the stage, weren’t you?” the woman asked, trying to refocus the attention back on the interview. Louis nodded and started to lead the way, the woman and the camera following them. Harry was right next to Louis soon and Zayn held both Liam and Niall back, whispering, “Your chance to get away for a few minutes”

He was right. There were security guards at the entrances to the stage but neither Paul nor anyone from management was watching them. Zayn pushed them through an exit that went backstage before following his other two bandmates and participating in the interview. Liam and Niall looked at each other for a moment before going backstage and just finding a spot on some boxes to sit down. If they tried to get back to the dressing room they probably would get caught and sent back, so they just stayed in the little hallway and leaned against each other with matching, tired sighs.

“I’m so tired” Niall muttered, “I don’t know if I can do tonight”

“I could replace you, they probably wouldn’t notice” Liam suggested and earned a laugh from his friend.

“You are just as exhausted as me” Niall replied, “And unless you want to dye your hair, they are going to notice”

They had a few minutes until someone came their way. Jon and Dan were both holding each a bottle of water as they stopped, spotting them.

“What are you doing here?” Dan asked confused.

“Hiding from the interview” Niall replied.

“Niall fell asleep in the middle of it and we ran” Liam supplied as well.

“I got an idea, come on” Jon laughed as he ran towards the stage, pulling his friend behind and whispering in his ear. Niall and Liam frowned as they tried to follow them but didn’t manage to keep up. They just managed to look around the corner to the stage where Jon and Dan had literally walked up to where the others were filming and loudly introduced themselves as Niall and Liam, imitating their accents. Louis immediately got what was happening and played along as Harry seemed utterly confused. Zayn was trying his hardest not to break out in laughter once again while Niall, right next to Liam, fell to the floor, losing it and rolling around laughing. Liam had to chuckle as well, leaning against the stage wall behind him and shaking his head as the group turned towards them.

Jon and Dan cleared up what they were doing but Louis didn’t let them leave, grabbing Dan as Harry held onto Jon as they tried to go do whatever they were about to before. Liam could faintly hear the words sound check but was occupied by getting Niall back on his feet, before pulling him back again, to where they had been sitting just a few moments ago.

Soon after the stage and the places around were not as quiet anymore. Since it was time for sound check, the band and technicians were getting ready, along with Paul coming to look for them.

He wasn’t happy when he found Niall and Liam laying in a hallway just backstage, both fast asleep, cuddling with each other. When the man walked to the front stage, he was carrying Liam, still half asleep and had a now an awake Niall clinging to his back as well. The others were just finishing up the interview but were unable to keep their laughter in once again as they saw a grumpy looking Paul carry Niall and Liam around.

“Either of you care to tell me why I found these two fast asleep around the corner?” Paul asked with a sigh, but before he could get a coherent answer out of the other three, he continued, “I’m taking them back to the bus. You can do the sound check alone, right?”

While the others were completely fine with that plan, Liam woke up fully halfway to the bus and started to struggle until he was almost falling straight to the floor, Paul having trouble keeping him from doing that.

“No, I’m fine” Liam called out upset.

“Liam, stop” Niall softly said, still hanging onto Paul sleepily, “It’s okay, we are just going to the bus for a while, I’ll be with you”

“But… I just-… no” Liam stuttered, gasping for words and Paul just sighed before turning the boy around gently and pushing him forwards. They made it to the bus a few minutes later and Liam, who had just been utterly confused had calmed down a little, following instructions. Somehow, he ended up in his bunk with Niall telling him to relax and was fast asleep soon after again.

When the injured boy woke up again, it was because his broken collarbone was hurting horribly, and he could hear loud yells and laughter as well.

He was still wearing his jeans and the button up shirt he had put on this morning, Liam noticed as he pulled back the curtain. Sitting up once again was a task in itself since his pain meds had worn off again and every move felt like fire. Other than the pain in his shoulder he felt better though, a lot more well rested and there was no headache lingering behind his eyes like the last time he had woken up.

Once he was up and walking, more like stumbling to the front of the bus, Liam noticed the smell of burgers and fries and grimaced. Sandy and Josh were the first people he saw, sitting on the floor and looking up at him first, followed by Niall and Harry. Zayn and Louis were sitting in the corner of the room, slumped over each other fast asleep. Jon and Dan were nowhere to be found, though.

Weren’t they all supposed to be at sound check? Liam briefly wondered what the time was as he walked to the counter to take his meds.

“How are you feeling?” Josh got up and stood beside him, looking just as concerned as the other boys always are.

“Better” Liam replied shortly, rubbing at his eyes which were still not fully focused, “What time is it?”

“After the show sometime. We only grabbed some dinner and just got here” Josh told him, “You were asleep the whole time?”

Liam nodded slowly, then winced, realising that he should not do that when he wasn’t dosed up on meds, “Needed that, I think”

“Yeah, you probably did. Lou and Zayn dropped the second they sat down as well” Josh nodded, “Did you eat, yet?”

“No, smells horrible” Liam replied.

Josh laughed, “Yeah, Niall, Sandy and Louis ate some disgusting burgers, but Zayn, Harry and I had some sandwiches from that shop we saw this morning. They are great, want some?”

Liam nodded, slower this time and grabbed himself a bottle of water before following Josh in sitting down on the floor. The boys ate some more snacks while Liam ate a sandwich before just talking for a little while longer. It wasn’t particularly late as Josh and Sandy left the bus, telling them all to get some sleep. Liam woke up Zayn and Louis and they all went back to bed.

The next morning was not as early as the last one and the band was in a much better mood when Paul got them for a photo shoot. Liam briefly worried about the photo shoot and why one was scheduled while both him and Niall were still hurt. Why would they want pictures of them in a cast and sling?

But Paul just shrugged when he voiced his concerns, “I’m just following the schedule not making it and definitely not making sense of it, because it is crazy”

They were met with Alexa and John, two members of their management team at the photo shoot. Usually one of them was with them on tour and at the interviews, managing everything. Since Paul had taken over most of these things, they only sporadically checked in with them now and do not sit in on every interview and show they do. John and Paul went off to have a meeting while Alexa went with them to get their make-up done and talked to the stylists about their clothes and everything she had organised in advance.

“Is that for the magazine interview thing we did? Or for the tour or something?” Zayn asked as he was getting his hair done.

“Yes, to both. We are having a long day ahead of us” Alexa laughed, “There’s a few more things we need to discuss afterwards about your schedule as well”

“We never know what is going on as well” Louis spoke up, his eyes were closed as he was still having some make up applied.

“Well, that’s one of the things we need to talk about. You boys have gone rather rogue since Liam has not been keeping up with everything lately. We need him to be more aware of things and call us back when we call” Alexa explained.

“Why don’t you inform Paul better or call one of us instead?” Harry asked, “Liam is still recovering”

“I’m getting better” Liam mumbled from where he was leaning against Niall. The both of them had been the first one to be finished and were now just sitting in the corner of the room, relaxing a little.

“Sure, keep telling yourself that” Louis told him with a smirk, “But seriously, you guys are not talking to us because Liam is easier to manipulate”

“Hey, that’s mean” Liam said slowly but didn’t really put any force behind his words, knowing that it was true to some extent. He just wanted to do everything right and keep everyone happy, even if it meant putting himself last.

“That is not true and not a conversation for the public” Alexa replied glancing at the make-up artists and hair stylists in the room.

“Right, sure” Louis mustered her with an angry glint in his eyes.

The next half hour was spent with the boys putting on different clothes, fighting over colours and such before they finally started taking the first photos for the magazine they were going to be on the cover of. Alexa and John were watching them closely, coordinating what they wanted with the stylists and photographer. They even pushed Liam back into the make-up chair to get his bruises covered up better. They were still visible on the photos and they didn’t want to have to edit too much.

“I must look like a zombie, the way she keeps talking about editing like… my whole face” Liam muttered at one point as the boys were off to the side drinking some water and having a short break while they watched Alexa inspect the pictures again with the photographer.

“Nah, it’s barely visible, she’s just being annoying” Zayn told him, his hand softly on his lower back for a moment as he smiled at the younger boy, “Don’t worry about it”

“Don’t know why they even bother, you are still in the sling, Niall’s got his cast and she worries about a little bruise that can easily be edited out” Harry said with a shrug, “It’s kind of nonsense, isn’t it?”

Louis laughed, “True”

They were soon called back to reshoot some poses before being pushed back to get changed again and styled differently for the shots for some promo for their tour apparently.

“Niall, I need you to wear the long sleeved jacket over there and you need to keep your cast out of the shot, alright? Always have it behind someone’s or your own back. We can’t have it on these pictures” Alexa called after them as they disappeared in a room to get changed. Niall turned around and frowned, wanting to say something but opting against it before continuing.

“And Liam, honey, we need you here for a second”

Liam could hear Louis curse her out beneath his breath but just nudged him in warning a little before walking away from the group to Alexa and John. John addressed him, “Can you take that thing off?”

Liam gaped at them for a second.

“The sling-thing or whatever it’s called” Alexa added, thinking he didn’t quite understand what was said.

“I- yes, like, I could, but… it- I can’t-“

“Great, don’t wear it on the next shoot” John said, patting him on his luckily uninjured shoulder before walking away. Liam winced and turned to Alexa who shrugged before following him. Liam stood there for a moment and thought about this. He could take it off, it would hurt a lot, especially if he moved around and he wasn’t sure if he were supposed to do that. His shoulder already started hurting just thinking about it.

“Lou?” he walked back over to his bandmates, not sure what to do.

“What’s wrong?” Louis groaned and rolled his eyes the moment he saw Liam’s expression. The younger boy flinched at that, not sure whether his foul mood was directed at him or not. Maybe he was being annoying, which made him stutter and stumble around his words.

“Love, come on, what did they want?” Louis didn’t seem patient that day.

“Uh, I uh… ehrm, have to take t-this off…” Liam replied slowly, tapping at his shoulder with his left hand.

“Fucking hell no” Louis called out, storming past Liam out the door.

“They told you to take your sling off?” Harry asked for clarification. Liam nodded slowly and watched as Zayn followed Louis.

“I c-can do it if it… like m-makes things easier” Liam stuttered out, feeling like he was the reason for all the trouble his friends had to go through and now Zayn and Louis were going to get in trouble again because Liam was too weak to just follow a simple instruction.

“No, you are not going to” Harry shook his head, “You are not allowed to take it off unless you are showering, doctor’s orders, so no”

“It’s not your fault” Niall replied as he struggled to put his cast through the tight arm of his jacket, “This is stupid. If they schedule a photoshoot while we are hurt, they need to deal with it” The boy gave up and threw the jacket on the floor, before stating, “Not wearing that. It doesn’t fit”

Liam looked at Niall and then turned to Harry again, not sure what to do, but before either could say something, they could hear Louis’ voice. He was cursing and yelling now. Zayn was angry, too, his deep voice sounding like a growl.

“It’s not your fault” Harry was suddenly next to him, right up in his face and hugging him which made Liam realise that he was trembling. He felt like crying even if he didn’t want to, not again.

“Great, we’ll definitely need make-up again” Niall sighed, and Liam realised that he had tears in his eyes as well which made his own walls crumble and he started to cry on Harry’s shoulder. The three of them were overwhelmed and scared of what was going to happen.

Harry finally took over, making Liam and Niall sit down before leaving the room, hoping to calm down the situation a little. Paul was trying to ease the tension, trying to find a compromise while the other boys were still seething angrily and both Alexa and John weren’t happy as well, though more composed.

“Niall and Liam are really upset” Harry said.

“You are crying” Louis stated with a sigh, “Why?”

“Because Liam and Niall are scared. Niall can’t even get the jacket over his cast and they don’t even care that they are hurting, like all the time and just hurt them worse” Harry nodded towards their management, rubbing at his face, trying to wipe the tears away.

“What happens if we leave, like right now?” Zayn asked, looking up at Paul.

“That is not going to solve anything” Paul replied shaking his head.

“Well, what are we supposed to do? We can’t do the shoot they want so what is the use of staying?” Louis argued, “Liam is not taking that thing off! You promised you’d step in if Liam needed to stop and he just can’t do that”

“Let me talk to Liam, alright” Paul sighed, “Just, don’t kill anyone for the next ten minutes”

Paul didn’t even need ten minutes. After just five minutes of John threatening the boys with consequences and Harry keeping Louis and Zayn from yelling again, the man came back, “I’m taking them back to the bus, we are not doing anything else today. I’ll call Simon myself, don’t worry”

Louis closed his eyes in relief as Zayn just turned towards the dressing room and walked away.

“We’ll set up another meeting this week to talk about this” Paul added before nodding towards Louis, “You might be needed back there” Louis and Harry were gone within seconds.

Since they just cancelled most of their meetings that day, the boys were back at the arena about an hour later. Liam was shaky after having another panic attack while Niall seemed upset and just wanted to cuddle. Zayn was angry while Louis seemed better, he was just glad Paul had helped them, stood up and held his word. Harry just wanted to help even though he didn’t know how.

Josh and Dan found them on the bus a while later.

“Well, that’s not how you have fun, boys” Josh shook his head, grabbing Harry by the arm, since he was the closest to the door, “Come on, we have plans”

“We don’t” Zayn grumbled, turning away from them as Niall just followed where Harry was dragged. Dan pulled at Louis and told Liam, “You, too, Li, come on”

They were dragged off the bus and met by Sandy and Jon as well.

Sandy informed them, “We know you guys are exhausted, but we can’t have you mope around all day so we made a schedule, that doesn’t really need to be kept by the way to get you to have some fun”

“Yeah, we are going sightseeing and out for dinner and a few drinks, alcoholic or not, your choice. And you are all going to have fun as well. We can take breaks and change plans as needed” Josh nodded along.

The other boys couldn’t really complain about that. Louis smiled widely, “I’m in”

“Let me just grab my phone and jacket” Zayn muttered, and Niall quickly nodded, “It’s cold”

Liam followed them as Harry and Louis just requested, they bring what they needed as well.

“Do we need to call Paul?” Louis asked meanwhile, looking at Dan who usually was the one organising stuff for them when both bands wanted to do something.

“He’s aware, they made a whole plan and stuff. We have two cars waiting out front by the way” Dan shook his head, “It’s always a hassle with you guys”

“Sorry” Louis grimaced, knowing how annoying it can get.

Soon they were in the middle of the city. Niall had a moment of confusion as he read the street signs and realised, they weren’t in English anymore. They had left the UK after their second show in England and neither really had noticed.

“We need you guys to have some more free time and actual fun on tour” Sandy just told them exasperated before launching into an explanation of the city, the history, and the sights they were going to see.

Josh laughed, seeing the boy’s expressions, before explaining, “Sandy is a nerd”

Through some really weird and magical way, they were not spotted by fans. There were occasionally a few who would come up to them and sometimes they’d sign something or take pictures with them, but nothing like their usual craziness. Zayn blamed it on the other four boys accompanying them and made them promise to always come out with them from now on. The boys spent a fun afternoon walking through the city, looking at sights and doing a little shopping as well. They got ice cream and sat in a park for a while where some of them went to play football and others relaxed or took a walk. It was nice and definitely what the band needed that day. They had fun, they didn’t think about what was going on around them or their career.

Once it neared the evening, they all went to an Italian restaurant and grabbed an early dinner followed by drinks before being taken back to the arena. While the boys rushed through a quick sound check, Liam sat on the side of the stage with a soft smile on his face and watched them. Afterwards Louis came to check in with him and Liam couldn’t help his wide grin, “It was fun, I’m great, just tired now”

“Well, we’ll try and be quiet after the show, alright? Get some rest” Louis told him before sending him off with Paul to the bus. While Liam felt weird and a little guilty about going to bed while the work was only starting for his friends, he still couldn’t shake the happy feelings.

He still woke up when the boys came back from the show, they all were smiling and still high on adrenaline as they entered, and it made Liam happy. It was a big difference to the last few days where they had to get through the show. Today it seemed like they actually had some fun as well.

Liam watched them amusedly from his bunk, leaning a little out of it with a shake of his head as he watched Harry stumble and fall flat on his face in the small hallway. It was a good day with a little bit of a troubling start, but otherwise it was amazing.

“Where did you put my phone, Harry?” Liam asked his friend who was walking past him to the bathroom. He hadn’t really seen it since he had gotten the messages from Jason and wanted to call his parents or sisters.

“It’s still on the counter, I think” Harry said, “It’s late, you want to call someone?”

“Thought about talking to my parents” Liam replied, but decided otherwise, “It is late, though, you’re right, I’ll do it tomorrow”

Liam smiled and laid back down in his bunk. Soon he was falling asleep to the sound of Niall’s laugh and Louis’ loud jokes.

The next day was filled with some more meetings and interviews but the band was in a much better spirit as they were less exhausted and more relaxed. They actually had fun doing their job, for the most part. There were still little things that made them upset or hurt Niall and Liam, but they didn’t overshadow their mood again and put the whole day in a bad light.

One reason other than the relaxing afternoon the day before might have been that Paul made sure they had a longer lunch break and another break right before sound check as well. Not stressing about eating or taking a nap really helped their moods as well.

Liam remembered that he had wanted to talk to his parents just the day before when they were on their second break and got his phone from the counter. He felt good talking to his parents, chatting with them about what they had done the day before and asking about his sisters. They were all spread out over the tour bus. Niall and Zayn in their bunks, sleeping and Louis was playing some games on his phone on his bed as well. Harry was reading a book, sitting next to Liam on the sofa where he was sitting while talking to his parents.

When they once again brought up some things Liam didn’t want to hear, like doing therapy or talking things out as a family more deeply, he tensed and Harry felt it, cuddling him immediately. Liam really loved how much his band mates cared and knew what he needed by now.

His mother almost started crying again when he tried to stop them even from asking about talking to Silvie and it hurt to hear that. His father worried and again tried to bring it up a few minutes later, then asking why he didn’t want to talk to the woman.

Liam sighed, but had to think about it himself first, before deciding to just be honest, “I don’t like her. If she knew something was wrong, why did she not do something? It’s just… I think she has no idea what she is doing, and I don’t want to waste my time”

“We could try and find something else, a compromise” his father immediately said, “It doesn’t have to be her”

“No…” Liam whined, that was not what he wanted.

“Li, come on” Harry suddenly spoke up beside him, “Be open”

Liam frowned at him and turned a little so he could kick him playfully, signalling to leave it alone and to be quiet.

“Was that one of the boys?” his mother immediately asked, having heard another voice and Liam couldn’t help but roll his eyes as he admitted it had been Harry. They immediately tried to use it as another reason why he should agree, since the boys agreed, it couldn’t be wrong, right?

“Thanks a lot” Liam grumbled once he got off the phone and had his hand free enough to hit Harry. The other boy just shrugged with a gentle smile, “I’m still right, though”

They fell into a comfortable silence after that, until Harry felt Liam’s sharp intake of a breath and looked up to see what he was doing. Liam was staring at his phone with a frown and wide eyes, so Harry leaned over to see what he was doing. Liam barely used his phone for anything other than calling his parents and the occasional tweet if warranted. Harry wasn’t sure whether Liam knew what he could do with it if he wanted, sometimes. He was like an old person with technology.

Liam had his texts opened and all Harry needed to read was the name Jason before grabbing the phone again and getting up, “Guys!!”

Liam just sat there, watching. He took a few deep breaths, he wasn’t going to freak out and get scared again, he wasn’t. Nothing was going to happen. Liam kept trying to convince himself and it did work when Zayn sat down next to him, a steady warmth by his side and calm voice talking to him.

“Why didn’t you tell us he’s been texting you like…. Twice a day?” Niall wondered worriedly, looking almost hurt.

“I didn’t look at my phone since… since…” Liam stuttered out, “I just saw them”

Harry nodded, “It’s true, he didn’t even know where I put it last time”

“It’s getting ridiculous” Louis sighed, “You should just block him”

“Yeah and maybe ask Paul how long that damn restraining order will take. He might get in trouble for this then” Zayn added with a nod. Liam frowned but nodded after a moment. It was the sensible thing to do even though he didn’t want to deal with it and just hide away in his bunk until he could push it out of his mind.

“Let me send them along to Paul” Harry said, even though he was already doing so, adding a little explanation as well.

“Are you going to be okay?” Niall asked, “Sound check is soon”

“I’ll come along” Liam just said, not knowing whether he was going to be okay alone so soon. He has a history of working himself up, unable to stop his thoughts when he was alone. Paddy came to pick them up to go to the stage a little while later, informing them that Paul was taking care of things. Though he did not specify what things were.

Liam walked around the stage during sound check, talking to the band members and trying to keep his mind busy by helping out the boys every now and then. When he was supposed to go back to the bus during the show itself again, Liam refused, pleading to be allowed to stay backstage instead. Even though he was tired by the end of it while his bandmates were still high on energy and adrenaline, Liam was glad he had stayed. The show didn’t go off perfectly, but it was more than good considering what the band had been through and it made Liam miss performing as well. There were only a few days left until he was allowed to join them, Liam realised a little while later with joy.

The following few days went by similar. The boys were less tense each day and could find a little more joy in their job along the way. While Liam still had moments where his shoulder plagued him, he was actually able to lessen the amount of pain meds he’d been taking before. The rest which he had desperately needed and finally gotten had helped his healing process greatly. He still couldn’t bear not using his slings for more than five minutes at a time, though. But at the same time, he could lift his right arm just a little bit again before it really hurt him. Niall’s hand had almost fully healed while his arm was still in a cast, but it barely bothered him at all anymore.

One thing that has been putting a damper on the band’s mood was the messages Liam was constantly getting, still. Michael and Jason both texted him at least twice a day, like clockwork and each message was more disturbing than the other. Liam couldn’t help the chills and fear it sent down his spine as he waited each day for the texts to appear on his screen. Since they always were sent around the same time, Liam found himself waiting for it and it drove him a little crazy. He tried to keep his mind occupied by spending time with Josh, Dan, Jon, and Sandy when the other boys were busy but there was only so much the boys could do.

While they had a few more meetings with their management team the boys had come to an agreement with them. It was less of an agreement than management threatening them with various things while Louis just didn’t care and declared that the band was going on a strike if they were not respected more. Liam didn’t know how the older boy did it, but he held his ground and they actually managed to get away with the stunts they had pulled in the past few weeks. There was a promise of some new contract and agreements once the current tour had ended, and that some things would change, made by Simon in a warning tone, but for now the boys had won.

Their backing band had taken it as their personal challenge to get the five boys to experience as much fun as possible during their time on tour. Even though some of the ideas brought them sleepless nights and exhausted mornings, neither of them wanted them to stop. Liam had to tap out on a couple of things, when he was too tired or hurting too much, but otherwise was enjoying himself. He loved the four boys and his four boys and couldn’t imagine life without them.

Paul informed him one morning that he was going to have a different schedule to the other boys.

“You have an appointment with a specialist to get you cleared for stage and I have some other news as well” Paul sat down at their breakfast table, pulling a chair from another table over. They had stayed in a hotel that night and had just come down to grab some breakfast in the restaurant.

“What’s up?” Harry asked, mouth full and brows furrowed.

“The restraining order is through. Michael and Jordan are not allowed to come near you or contact you anymore, Liam” Paul smiled, “It took a while, but it’s through. We are getting you a new number, though, just in case so you don’t have to read their messages again”

Liam smiled softly, feeling relief flooding him and he nodded, “Thank you”

“Sorry, it took so long” Paul sighed, “We’ll get it after your appointment later, alright?”

Liam nodded again happily while the other boys all looked just as relieved.

“So, we can walk around without security again?” Niall asked hopefully but Paul immediately shook his head with a stern look.

“No, we’ll wait for a little longer. The restraining order will upset them and I don’t want to risk anything in case they get angry enough to break it right away” Paul explained, “You don’t need to worry, though, it’s just a precaution in this case”

While the other boys got ready for their day, Liam went to find Josh, not wanting to be alone at his appointment and asked him to go along with him. The older boy was delighted at that and jumped from his seat with a triumphant yell to his bandmates, “Ha! See you later losers! That definitely means I’m his favourite!”

Liam didn’t know what to do with this information but felt floored that apparently being his favourite was a thing. Josh came along with him and Paul, who took him to his appointment. This time they had to wait forever in the waiting room which bored Liam and Josh who whined to Paul about it every few minutes. When they were finally called back, Paul groaned in relief, “Finally”

Liam grabbed Josh’s hand and pulled him along to the room. He really got dependent on these boys and while he maybe could do this alone, he didn’t feel like he wanted to. It was nice to have someone help him out of the sling and his shirt and to help him answer some questions when he wasn’t sure about things. Josh knew enough about him to answer them as well. Liam was beaming when Paul came to the room once they were done and Josh was still helping him get redressed and explained quickly and excitedly, “I can start physical therapy soon and I can go on stage and then I can-“

“Alright, alright, calm down” Paul laughed.

“But I can do things again!” Liam smiled at him widely.

“Yeah, just getting dressed on your own and lifting your arms, you know, the simple things, you can’t do” Josh chuckled dryly.

“Well, yeah” Liam replied, still overly happy, “But I might can after physical therapy!”

Josh laughed, “Right, one step at a time, alright? Try one show first and see how you feel after”

“I will!” Liam grinned, nothing able to dampen his mood, then told Paul, “I even got less strong pain meds, that probably won’t make me dizzy! So, I can go on the platform as well!”

“The deal was that you are staying off until you were completely off of them” Paul shook his head, but then said, “But I am open to explore that idea which is not a yes yet”

“Yes!” Liam shouted happily.


	9. Nine

On their way back to the arena they stopped so Liam could get a new phone and number and Josh spent the rest of the way back, setting it up and transferring the contacts since Liam couldn’t be bothered to do so himself.

“You might want to text the important people, though, like your parents what your new number is or call them” Josh said as he handed the device back over.

“Thanks, yeah, I will later tonight” Liam nodded with a smile.

When they got back to the arena the boys were in an interview and Liam couldn’t tell them the news since Paul told him not to disturb it. Josh smirked at Liam who had seemed utterly disappointed before pulling him away, “Come on, sunshine”

“Where are we going?” Liam asked confused.

“Sandy texted me where the interview is, we are going to crash it” Josh smiled and pulled him through the hallways until they were met with a closed door with Paddy in front.

“Paul said, Liam could join the interview now” Josh said completely sincere and the man let them through with a nod. Liam just gaped at Josh who grabbed him, pulling him along again, before stopping and leaning down to picking Liam up. The younger boy had no idea what the hell was going on as he shrieked in surprised and, after going through another door, was suddenly thrown. Liam flailed for a second before landing in the laps of his band mates who were sitting in a row on a sofa with another shout.

“Our sunshine here has some news!” Josh called out before bursting out in a hysterical laugh.

“Ow” Liam groaned, shifting a little before Louis who was sitting on the edge pulled him up concerned. Once Liam was upright again, he couldn’t help but laugh himself even though the fall had hurt him.

“What news?” Liam could hear Niall ask and he worked on composing himself to answer the question but was still giggling.

“You alright there, giggly?” Zayn spoke up with a shake of his head as Liam just couldn’t stop laughing.

“He hasn’t stopped smiling since we got in the car” Josh supplied, “But he got cleared to perform tonight and got different pain meds so he’s only half as miserable after taking them. We just have to figure physical therapy out in about a week”

Liam who was still mostly in Louis’ lap was wrapped in tight hugs as the boys cheered and yelled in happiness. Liam wasn’t sure whether to smile and laugh about their actions or cry because they were really hurting him. It ended in a mixture of both.

Zayn was the first to get himself back under control and pushed the others away, “Get off! You are hurting him!”

The boy pulled him over onto his own lap, away from Louis who laughed at his actions, “Possessive much”

“Mine” Zayn just shrugged, cuddling Liam carefully who started to giggle again.

“Did you boys even listen to the rest I said?” Josh was still there, looking at them with his arms crossed.

“I did, don’t worry” Louis assured him.

“Good, well, I’ll run now before Paul finds you guys since I might have lied to Paddy and smuggled Liam in here. I’ll see you at sound check if I survive” Josh smirked, before waving and taking off.

The next voice startled them all, it came from the woman sitting in a chair opposite the sofa, “Please tell me you got that”

She was looking back at a man who was filming, and Liam briefly remembered that there had been an interview going on and immediately went red with embarrassment.

“Right” he stammered out, looking at her, “Sorry for… this?”

“Don’t apologise, that was amazing!” she smiled.

“I can’t believe you!” Paul was now in the doorway looking at Liam sternly as he had another arm around Josh’s shoulder.

“Got busted, sorry” Josh mumbled but he was still grinning a little whenever Paul wasn’t looking at them.

Liam couldn’t help but laugh again with his bandmates at the sight.

“Liam let’s go. You are not working this afternoon if you want to do the show tonight” Paul just sighed and pulled the boy off from Zayn who only under protests let go of Liam who still couldn’t shake the smile off his face.

Liam was still grinning from ear to ear when Louis, Zayn, Harry, and Niall came to find him once they were done for the day. He was sitting in the middle of the stage with Josh, Dan, and Jon around him. They were fooling around a little while they had two guitars with them.

“Getting ready for tonight, huh?” Zayn dropped next to him with a smile and Liam beamed at him.

“He’s way too happy” Sandy said with an amused shake of his head.

“There’s no such thing as being too happy” Louis hit Sandy as he sat down as well. The eight boys ended up sitting in a circle on the stage.

“Yes, there is!” Sandy argued, “Liam was a cute sad little puppy before, now he is excited and how am I supposed to say no to an excited cute little puppy that’s emitting rays of sunshine!?”

Louis hit him again, “The fuck are you talking about?”

Liam looked at Sandy with a confused face who shrieked, “He’s doing it again!”

“What am I doing?” Liam asked exasperated.

“Don’t worry, he’s just being an idiot with a weird vocabulary” Zayn told him with a soft chuckle, “You are doing just fine”

Liam smiled at that again, “Okay”

Liam was nervous, more nervous than he had been in a while performing. He felt like throwing up when he started walking to the stage that night and was glad that he had the other four boys with him. The fans were already really loud, and Louis said, “Must be because they know you are back tonight”

“How do they know?” Liam asked.

“Management made a statement and Josh posted a picture of you being, quote, ‘a little sunshine about tonight’s show’” Harry explained which made Liam frown, wondering when that happened. But there was no time to dwell on that since they were up on stage moments later and Liam had to actually concentrate on what he was doing. He couldn’t just run around and jump up the stairs like he usually did. Neither could he just grab one of the boys and wrestle with them or push one of them, like they always did to each other. Even though he felt a little left out when he saw Louis attack Niall and push him to the ground or how Harry let himself fall in front of Zayn to make him trip, he was still the happiest he had been in a while. He just loved singing and performing and seeing all these fans. After not having been on stage in a while, he felt quite winded after a while, but continued on. His shoulder was hurting by the time an hour was over, but it didn’t feel unbearable or horrible. It just was there and annoyed him, so he continued on.

The boys were watching him all the time and he knew it. When it was time to step on the platform, Louis was by his side, before he even had the time to attach himself to his mic stand. Even though Liam promised that he was fine the older boy didn’t let go of him, just in case something happened, or Liam got dizzy again. Which didn’t happen, of course.

Usually, when the boys were on the second stage, it was their time to go wild and rough house a little. Liam has had his fair share of bruises from times he had hit the floor there before.

While Louis literally ran crazy, pulling Niall and Zayn in as well, whether they liked it or not, Liam just sat down at the side of the stage and watched. He took the time to read some signs as well and watch the crowd when he wasn’t singing or talking. A few of their security guards were positioned around the little stage and Paddy came up to where he was sitting on the edge, standing next to him just in case one of the fans decided they wanted to get closer.

Liam leaned over to him with a smirk, “Thanks for letting us through earlier!”

Paddy glared at him, “You guys got me in trouble!”

Liam just giggled at his expression before replying, “Sorry, it was Josh’s idea, though”

Paddy just threw him an amused smile, “Right”

Harry who had been talking to the crowd tapped him on the shoulder suddenly and Liam looked up in confusion. Harry pointed to the platform where the rest of the band was already attaching themselves to their mics again and Liam realised it was time to go. Getting up from the floor was a little more difficult, Liam realised with his one arm. He got to his feet, but immediately lost his balance again, running straight into Harry who had trouble catching him. Liam also could feel Paddy’s hands on him, but he was too far below to be any actual help. Louis who had watched them immediately jumped off the platform again and rushed over.

Liam flushed as he got his footing again with both Harry and Louis holding on to him.

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?” Louis was concerned.

“Just lost my balance” Liam admitted embarrassed as he was led to the platform where this time both Zayn and Louis didn’t dare letting him go until they were safe on the ground again. Niall came to check on him during the next song and Liam felt even more embarrassed when he had to explain that he was just stupid, and it wasn’t his injury that had caused this. Even though it may have helped his loss of balance. While the little incident did make his shoulder feel a little worse, it still was bearable.

It only felt like a minute but soon after they were waving goodbye to the fans and ran off the stage. Liam had missed that feeling and when he looked at his bandmates, he realised that they had missed him as well as they told him just seconds later as well.

“Someone needs to help me get out of this” Liam stated back at the bus where he was just about to take a shower but his sweat soaked shirt was clinging to him uncomfortably and his aching collarbone made it impossible to wiggle out of it.

After his shower Liam opted for the heavier pain meds again, knowing that he needed them to get some actual rest that night and fell into his bunk with a happy sigh. While he had been the first to shower and get ready, he wasn’t even bothered by the noise his friends made and fell asleep before even could finish covering himself or pull the curtain closed. Harry who was just sitting on his bunk watched him for an amused moment before leaning down to properly tuck him in and close the curtain for him to sleep.

“I really missed happy Liam” Niall said next to him with a gentle smile on his lips himself.

“Me too. I think the restraining order and going back on stage really helped” Harry replied with a nod, “Things are getting better now”

And Harry was right, while things were nowhere near easy with management breathing down their back, fans still causing drama online and in interviews and the media twisting their every word or move, they were also calming down a little. The restraining order and the police report took a lot of pressure from them and with each interview Liam felt more comfortable to talk about the basics of what happened.

A week after Liam’s first performance they hired a physical therapist to come on tour with them, so Liam could take care of his shoulder while still touring. The boy had a weird love-hate relationship with these sessions. They hurt and were exhausting but at the same time he loved doing them, proofing himself that he was getting better each time, even if he felt like shit after. Depending on their schedule it also got him out of a lot of responsibilities like interviews and radio or tv shows which always was a plus as well. Another positive side effect was that he always had one of his friends by his side who made him laugh through the pain and were there for an encouraging hug if needed. And if neither of the band was available, Josh, Dan, Jon, and Sandy were always next in line, happy to be of help as well. The physical therapist was called Katie and she was a sweetheart as well, even though Liam felt bad that half of the boys kept hitting on her during his sessions.

Two weeks later Niall of all people convinced him, to give his parents’ idea a chance. So, he called them, and they set up a meeting with a therapist. It would be a video call since he was still on tour, but it was a start. And Liam loved making his parents happy.

In the third week Liam started to talk to fans again, taking pictures with them and while he didn’t feel confident signing anything with his injury yet, he still enjoyed meeting them. There were always two security guards by his side, keeping their hands off him and making sure no one grabbed him which he was thankful for.

The third week was also when Louis asked them all to meet him at the bus on their first real day off after breakfast at the hotel where they had been staying in. The other four boys were worried with how secretive Louis was as well as his unusual seriousness even though neither was hurt. That was the only time Louis had acted serious before. Once they were all on the bus, Louis went to the door to make sure they were alone before sitting at the end of the table were the other four had sat, two on each side.

“I had an idea like a while back and decided to explore it, thinking it was total rubbish and I was stupid but as it turns out, it might not be that way at all” Louis started off, sounding less confident now.

“What’s going on, Lou, you are being really weird” Liam asked him with a frown.

“It is a big thing and if either of you is uncomfortable, we’ll throw that whole idea out of the window, okay? So… don’t jump me once I say it, please?” Louis looked at them a little worried.

“You are seriously making me nervous now, Lou!” Zayn just said.

“We all hate our management, right?” Everyone agreed with that statement.

“I might have an idea on how to get away from them but it includes leaving the label” Louis explained slowly, then quickly added, “I just wanted to get away from modest and looked into it and with the help of Paul and a few lawyers we realised that it was not even a bad idea at all. The band is fucking big which means other labels want us very fucking bad and we can terminate the contract at the end of this year, which makes us available. We had some labels draw up hypothetical contracts and they are fucking amazing compared to the shit thing we’ve got at our label and we could choose our own management team if we don’t like the one that’d assigned to us”

“Wait a second” Harry stopped him, looking concentrated and confused at the same time, “You did that?”

“I didn’t mean to, I stumbled more or less across it and pushed and prodded a few people and came to a pretty fucking eye-opening conclusion” Louis shrugged.

“That’s insane” Niall just shook his head, “We can’t just leave our label, what if no one signs us after?”

“We could make a contract before getting out of the old one, there are safe options for that case. They wouldn’t be able to back out” Louis explained, “I talked to this Daniel guy, he’s a pretty solid and a lawyer. He handled the whole restraining order stuff as well”

“Can I see the contracts you were talking about?” Liam asked with a calculated look, “I think we all need more information before deciding or even discussing it. I did never in my dreams think of doing something like this”

“Same, I just wanted to get rid of these fuckers at modest but ended with this” Louis replied, “I just don’t want to work with them anymore, not after what they’ve been doing to all of us these past few weeks. They handled all of this horribly and tortured you and Niall for nothing”

“We don’t have to do this just because of me. I’m fine with how things are” Liam sighed.

“You were also okay with being beaten up” Zayn argued, “I’m not sure if you always make the right decision about these things”

Liam looked torn before answering, “Maybe”

“Can you send us over the documents and contracts and set up a meeting with this Daniel?” Liam asked next, looking over to Louis, “I mean it couldn’t hurt to look at the options, I’d be open for it if the rest of you are”

The other three boys agreed while Louis grimaced, “It’s all hush hush and secret since we can’t let anyone hear about this before we are sure what to do. We can’t have the news spreading the word that we are leaving our label and risk getting dropped or something before we’ve decided or another contract ready”

“How are we doing this then?” Zayn asked.

“I’ll figure something out. It just can’t be an official meeting and stuff, but I’ll get something set up” Louis told them, “I have some copies in my bunk, no digital ones since some of us have been hacked before and we can’t risk that yet”

Half a week later the band was sat in a room under the disguise of an interview with Paul and Daniel for two hours. Exploring all possibilities and voicing their concerns. One of them was that they wanted to take their security team, their backing band, and their stylist Lou with them wherever they went. Another week later, the boys were sure what they wanted to do, no matter how scary it got. There were not many days left on tour and once the decision was made, they wanted to tell the world, but couldn’t even talk to Josh, Dan, Jon, and Sandy.

They were changing labels and were building their own management team with Paul’s help. But it had to be kept under a tight wrap until after the last tour date. Their old contract would end with the last tour date and they would be free, unless they’d let themselves be talked into signing another contract like their management team had planned the second the tour ended. The boys had no intentions of doing so, though.

There was a shift in the mood of the band when it neared the end of the tour. There was excitement running through them all, paired with anxiety and fear while guilt was also apparent. They were keeping a secret and it never felt great to do so.

As time went on the fans got less careful with Liam and since Niall had finally gotten rid of his cast it seemed like they sometimes forgot that he was still hurt. At one of their last tv show appearances Liam made the mistake of getting too close to the crowd. He didn’t do it intentionally and usually it wasn’t a problem, but this time some fan decided to reach for him forcefully. Mid singing Liam couldn’t stop the pained gasp as he was pulled towards the crowd as the hand clasped around his shoulder, around the broken bone and pulled.

Liam hadn’t felt that much pain in a while, and it shocked him. Luckily, Harry was almost right next to him when it happened and pushed the fans away from him angrily, instead pulling Liam in a hug. The song was still going on with the other three boys trying to pick up the slack, but everything was a mess after that.

“I’m okay, thanks” Liam whispered to Harry even though it was far from the truth and Harry nodded slowly. The younger one kept his arm around Liam as they walked further to the middle of the stage again, trying to pick up on the song again. Louis was on his other side quickly as Zayn and Niall crowded in on him as well. They all were trying to make sure he was alright and while Liam was touched, he was also embarrassed.

After the performance they all but fled the stage. The boys were on him the second they were out of sight of the cameras and Liam had trouble calming them down. He was hurting, yes, but he also was somewhat okay. At least that was what he told the boys and Paul the first few moments until the pain really settled in after the initial shock. They had made him sit down in the dressing room and Liam took a few seconds to take some deep breaths, but that only seemed to make him feel the pain worse than before and he couldn’t help the pained whimper escaping him.

Again, a bunch of questions were thrown at him in concern.

“I don’t know, I don’t- just, stop, argh” Liam called out. There were too many people and voices and questions and they were stressing Liam out as he was still trying to assess himself, figure out if he was hurt worse or if it was just the initial pain that would lessen with some time.

“Liam, babe” Zayn’s voice was the calmest out of them all and somehow Liam managed to focus on that. The older boy noticed that he had Liam’s attention and silenced the rest of the band.

“Take a deep breath, Liam, I’m sorry we are stressing you out. Just a deep breath, slow and easy” Zayn told him gently. Liam did so and soon could nod as well.

“Great, can you tell us how hard she grabbed you? Are you hurt?” Zayn asked in his smooth and soft voice next as he reached up and wiped his hand across Liam’s cheek. He must have tears on his face, Liam realised belatedly.

“D-don’t think so, j-just hurts…” Liam answered slowly. He knew his voice was shaking and his hands were trembling again, but Louis grabbed his left hand in comfort, holding it steady.

“We’ll have Katie check you out back on the bus, alright, she’ll know if something is wrong” Paul told them.

“D-don’t think something is wrong… ‘s just… painful” Liam told him though now that he had a moment to calmly think about this. The boys’ fear had let him panic as well.

“Who did that girl think she is, by the way?” Harry asked, “That was not very nice of her”

Niall laughed, imitating Harry’s voice, “Not very nice of her… no, Harry, that was fucking stupid, rude and just a shit thing to do”

Back at the bus Katie was already waiting for them and Liam was tired and hurting now. He only took as much pain meds as he really needed, and he had taken his last pain pill around noon.

“You look horrible, Liam” the young woman stated with a concerned glance that was quickly covered by an encouraging smile as she made him sit down and started to take off his sling. Liam whimpered in pain with every movement and she stopped again, telling him to take his heavier pain meds first before continuing with her exam.

“I don’t think something was damaged, but it obviously hurts like a bitch to get grabbed like that. I want you to take the pain meds tonight and tomorrow as you need them, and we are skipping our session tomorrow. I want you to rest the morning and come see me in the afternoon.” She told Liam as she helped him put the sling back on as gently as possible.

“No, I’ll be fine tomorrow” Liam protested with a groan, “It just hurts, it’s not that bad. I don’t want to skip it!”

“We’ve talked about this, Liam. Pain is a signal your body is giving you to stop. Rest until I say otherwise” Katie shook her head in disappointment, turning to the boys, “Make sure he actually does rest and Paul, a word, please?”

Louis sat down next to Liam, smirking, “I think Katie is clearing our schedule for tomorrow, so we only have the show”

“Don’t celebrate too early, you boys are still on!” Paul called from the other end of the bus where he was still talking to Katie but also listening to the boys.

Liam was pouting, “I am fine”

“You are not, stop being a brat and let us cuddle you until the meds kick in and you pass out” Zayn was on his other side, already hugging him. He let them do so anyway and soon he was feeling sleepy as the pain in his shoulder dulled a little. It didn’t go away but it felt so much better.

The next morning started with Zayn asking Liam to put out some fires on twitter. Apparently, Louis had gone off on twitter late the night before and their fans had made it their personal goal to hunt down whoever had hurt Liam and warranted Louis’ anger. Niall had liked some dubious tweets as well, only adding fuel to the fire.

Liam sighed but sent out some tweets that he was fine and resting this morning just in case but that he also would appreciate it if the fandom didn’t hurt anyone in his name. That backfired as they only went on, saying they were doing it for Louis who was still mad apparently as he liked a few of their tweets. Liam threw a pillow at his bandmate who was sitting just a few feet away, but it didn’t change anything. After specifying again and again he just gave up at one point and hoped he got the message across.

He was still lounging in his bunk as his bandmates got ready for the day. He could hear someone coming on to the bus and leaned outside of his bed to glance at the front of the bus. Jon was there with a wide grin, asking Louis, “Liam got the day off?”

“Yeah?” Louis asked and looked back to where Liam was.

“You could have told us!” Jon yelled at Liam, who flinched a little, “Come on, we are going to our bus”

“What? Why?”

“He’s supposed to rest his arm” Louis supplied, looking slightly concerned at Jon’s excitement.

“Yeah, yeah, I just ran into Katie. We are watching all Harry Potter movies and I was getting snacks. Come on, Li” Jon pulled the younger boy out of his bed.

“That is so unfair!” Niall complained from the back of the bus where he was just leaving the bathroom, “I want to come along, too”

“I can’t stay the whole time, I need to take a call later” Liam frowned, he had his first appointment that his parents had set up for them later. He was nervous about the whole ordeal and really scared of how he was going to react. Jon didn’t care, though. Just made him come along anyways, promising that it didn’t matter if he had to leave for a while in between. Liam ended up sitting between his mates on the floor with blankets and pillows all around them as they started to watch his favourite movies. It was nice to just hang around with the band and when it was time for lunch they took a little break, it was around the time Liam had to talk to his parents, so he took his food along to their own tour bus.

It was awkward and weird and Liam most of the time didn’t know what to say as he stumbled over his words. The therapist was nice, she was a middle-aged woman that seemed to know what she was talking about, but Liam just couldn’t relax. He knew he had to do this to keep his parents happy, but it really scared him, and it was frustrating, knowing that he was not doing well with this. When it was suggested that they first had some separate sessions in the future, Liam shook his head.

“No, what… I don’t, why? I mean, I don’t even… they want to, I’m just-“ Liam couldn’t explain it. He had hoped he would just do this a few times until his parents were satisfied and here, they were already trying to set up an extended schedule for after tour and it freaked him out a little. This was stupid and he didn’t want to do it anymore. How was he supposed to do this, when they were just about to change labels where he would have to stay in London. They needed to write songs and make a new album with their new label as soon as possible. He didn’t have time for this on top of him not wanting to do this at all.

He blended out what the woman was telling him, he didn’t want to hear it and texted Niall instead. He knew that they could see what he was doing, since they were on a video call he had started from his laptop, but he didn’t care. He needed Niall to know that his idea was stupid and that he was upset with his friend for convincing him.

His mother scolded him for being rude and not listening, so he apologised and explained, “I needed to let Niall know that this was a stupid idea”

But that only got him in more trouble.

“I just can’t, I don’t have the time” Liam tried to argue against the original problem again.

“You do have time, Liam, don’t lie. You have at least a few weeks off after tour, we do know your schedule” his father told him a little amused, thinking Liam was just trying to evade again.

“No, I won’t. I’ll need to be in London right after. There are… damn, I can’t… shit, fine, okay. There are some things going on with the band that are all secret and stuff and I can’t tell you why, but we need to stay in London for a while” Liam explained, deciding to give a little bit away even though no one was supposed to know about this.

“What?” his mother just asked, “No, you can’t. You boys are going to work yourself to the ground like this. You haven’t been home-“

Liam couldn’t help but throw his head back against the wall in frustration. He regretted it, immediately but only let out a little wince and groan. The woman started to talk again and explained, that him being in London would not be a problem and Liam just tried to tune her out again. He couldn’t do this.

“I need to go” Liam suddenly said, realising that he needed to get out of this situation.

The woman frowned at him, after being interrupted and glanced at the clock, “We scheduled an hour for this, and it has barely been twenty min-“

“I can’t, I’m sorry” Liam just stuttered out and ended the call quickly. It was selfish and stupid and cowardly, Liam thought just a second later. Curling up in his seat, Liam couldn’t help the panic that had been creeping up on him run free. It had been so long since his last panic attack and feeling it creep up on him like this felt horrible. He felt like he was failing the boys who had been working with him on staying calm and helped him so much.

He called Zayn first, but the boy didn’t pick up and it made Liam struggle to breathe even more. He wanted Zayn to come and be with him. Louis picked up, though. Liam heard his cheerful greeting and stuttered for a moment, unable to get out what he needed before hanging up embarrassed again.

Josh came into the room what must have been minutes later but somehow Liam didn’t remember any time passing. Josh held him and told him to breathe, talking to him gently and Liam somehow calmed down again. He was crying and still breathing irregularly but could answer Josh who was asking what was wrong. After explaining what had happened, Liam buried his face in his friend’s shirt, explaining how awful and guilty he felt for just hanging up on his parents who were trying to do the right thing for him.

“Call them, tell them what you told me” Josh said, already picking up his friend’s phone.

“I can’t” Liam sobbed against him, he didn’t want them to know that he was crying and still so scared.

“I’ll call them to at least let them know you are okay. They probably worry since you just left” Josh still insisted and called his friend’s parents. After quickly explaining what was going on, he was told to join the video call again. Liam’s parents were still talking to the therapist apparently. Josh did so despite the protests from Liam and they were both surprised to see only one person on screen this time.

“I thought it might be a little better to do this without your parents, Liam. Maybe it will help you be a little bit more open” the woman said. Liam just frowned at her from where he was leaning against Josh. The older boy had his arms around him and fortunately didn’t let go of him. He turned and hid his face against Josh’s shirt.

“Liam, seriously” Josh sighed a little disappointed, then turned to the woman, “He just wanted to apologise for leaving so abruptly, but talking himself is apparently too much to ask right now”

Liam tightened his grip on Josh at that. He couldn’t talk, not to someone he didn’t know, not when he was feeling like this. Josh on the other hand just decided to spill things like the fact that he had just had a panic attack and about how bad they sometimes get. Then he went on about how Liam sometimes didn’t want to talk and loved hugs afterwards.

“Stop” was the first thing Liam said a few minutes later. His voice was wavering, and he was still trembling. But Josh finally stopped talking which he liked, but at the same time he was the middle of the attention again and questions were directed at him. The simple ones were easy to answer, like how he was feeling. He might not have told the truth, but he did answer.

Somehow, he got through another fifteen minutes of talking before Josh was taking his phone again and scheduling another appointment for him, two days before the tour ended. Liam wanted to protest and stop them, but he couldn’t really, he was too exhausted and too tired to fight it.

“The boys have time off during that time as well. Maybe they can sit with you until you feel better about this whole thing” Josh suggested, before looking at the screen in front of them again, “If that’s okay?”

While it was not the norm, it was okay for Liam to have someone with him during these sessions apparently. This made the boy feel a lot better as well.

“Okay, we need to see Katie now, for your shoulder, though” Josh nodded, looking just as relieved before they ended the call.

“I hate you” Liam muttered to Josh with a sigh once they were alone.

“You don’t and you know this is for the better, even if it is hard now. We’ll be with you during this, Li, don’t worry so much” Josh shook his head, “But Katie really wanted to see you, let’s go”

They met Katie who just frowned at him as Josh pulled a still rather passive and sad Liam into the room, “What’s wrong?”

“Intense morning” Josh shrugged, but quickly added, “It was just a phone call, but it was intense. We only watched movies this morning, nothing else”

“Good, for a second there I thought you ignored what I said last night” Katie told Liam with a soft smile. She still seemed concerned though and Liam hated that.

“Alright, let’s just take a look and then do a few exercises to see how it feels” Katie said after a few moments of silence when Liam didn’t answer her, “Let’s take this off, first”

The injured boy definitely could feel where he had been grabbed the night before, his whole arm was aching, and it felt like he had taken a few steps back in his recovery. Josh of course hovered close by and when Liam was shirtless and out of his sling, he got even closer, frowning, “Why didn’t you tell us that she literally left finger marks on you? The boys said it wasn’t bad!”

“She what?” Liam asked, mimicking his friend’s frown. He couldn’t look down, though, only hurt himself in doing so.

Josh took a photo of it and showed it to him, and it was true, there were deep dark bruises where he had been hurt and Liam sighed, “Great”

“You have stupid fans” Josh sighed as he sat down on a chair nearby, focused on his phone.

“Do not post that, I swear, Josh” Liam threatened as Katie slowly manipulated his arm, moving it around carefully. It hurt and he had to grit his teeth just after he talked to Josh.

“Too late” Josh smirked at him, “I may have threatened some people”

“You and Louis are horrible, do you kno- ow, shit, that… h-hurt” Liam was about to answer him when he couldn’t help the gasp of pain at a particular move of his arm. Katie replied, “I know. It is going to hurt. Is it the same pain as last time or worse?”

Liam thought back to their last session, where Katie had started this certain exercise for the first time, “Worse, like definitely a lot worse”

Josh winced at him in sympathy, “Is it from what happened last night?”

“Yeah, we’ll just have to be a little gentler the next few days. He’ll be okay, though, nothing to worry about” Katie assured them. She went through a few more exercises with Liam before sending him off again. It had been nowhere near their usual session, but Liam still felt just as drained and exhausted. Liam wanted to go back to the bus, to hide away in his bunk and maybe wake up feeling better for tonight’s show after taking some more pain meds.

Instead Josh led him to their bus, where the other boys were still watching movies and told them to watch him while he went and got his meds. The other three were curious on what had happened but didn’t prod Liam who just decided to bury himself underneath a blanket and stare at the screen in front.

He only sat up to take some pain killers and Jon slid in, making him cuddle with him before he could curl up on himself again. Liam could feel the effect of the meds soon as his eyes were drooping, and his movements were sluggish and uncoordinated. Time was passing, he knew that but didn’t care and also didn’t really take anything around him in. There were colours and people on the screen, but Liam was unable to comprehend what was happening, feeling like he was in a tunnel.

Suddenly, it was over an hour later, he was moved around, and Liam blinked in confusion and whimpered in pain. Louis and Zayn were the first thing he saw soon after. They all looked worried as they both sat down in front of him and hugged him close. Liam smiled at them, happy that they were there and let himself fall against them. He felt safe with them.

“I’ll never get over how much you two can make him smile” Jon was saying and it was the first thing Liam managed to pick up on, slowly becoming more alert, now that he was moved around and sitting upright again.

“Do you want to skip sound check, tonight, love?” Louis asked him softly a little while later, “We need to go soon”

Liam shook his head slowly. He didn’t want them to go and leave him alone again. Bad things happened when he was alone.

The boy felt off during the rest of the day, feeling unwell and just sore as they rehearsed and when it was time for the show, he had to admit, “I d-don’t think I can do the platform thing… today”

It was just before the show and it made him nervous that he just couldn’t do everything that he wanted but also knew how important it was to let the others know. Paul helped them figure it out, though. When the boys panicked, he simply told them, that Liam was just going to sit the few songs out and go backstage to take it easy. The other boys still knew how to handle these songs without Liam, well, for the most part from their shows without him. Liam wasn’t happy about that but agreed.

He needed the break though, he wasn’t feeling well, after he had taken more than his now usual dose of pain meds and he just wasn’t in his usual form. It was like the first few shows all over again, which had left him drained and exhausted. Liam really hoped that it was just a onetime set back and that the next few days would be better again.

While he was feeling a little better the next day, he only felt almost back to normal the day after that. Well, as normal as he could after the last few weeks. Three days later he was back to his usual physical therapy routine as well.

His next session with a therapist went better than the first. Louis was with him the whole time, even though he didn’t talk for him, just giving little motivation and telling him when he was freaking out and overanalysing things again. While Liam still doubted it was going to work or help him, since he just couldn’t make himself talk to a stranger, he didn’t have another panic attack over it.

He might have cried that night once he was alone in his bunk, but he had not panicked, and the boy was weirdly proud of that fact.

Their last show was back home in London again and the nerves the day before the show were running high. They had been evading their management and Simon the whole time, unable to answer their questions about the new contracts they had been sent during the last week of the tour. It was a horrible feeling and neither of the boys liked it, but since they were back in London, it was harder to slip away from the questions.

“Just today, we only have to get through today” Liam muttered as he got up that morning. They had slept in late since they were not scheduled to do anything apart from the show. Harry was already awake, trying to pack up his things on the tour bus while the rest of the boys were fast asleep.

“I made sandwiches, if you want one for breakfast” Harry told him, making Liam smile at him widely, “I love you”

“You love my sandwiches more” Harry laughed at his reaction. Liam rolled his eyes as he sat down at the table, grabbing his meds off the counter as well. He helped Harry pack his things after he finished eating. As he started sorting through his own clothes Louis and Niall slowly started to get up as well. Zayn almost slept through until noon. Liam only woke him once Paul announced that their bags would be picked up.

It got a little hectic when they were supposed to get off the bus and to the arena but only half of Zayn’s things were packed and there was still a heap of clothes on the floor that neither of the boys recognised as their own. Liam quickly sorted through the things while Harry helped Zayn with the rest of his things and soon, they were ready to go.

They were supposed to meet with the other boys for lunch and had invited their stylists including makeup artists and hair stylists as well. Since tonight was the last day they were under contract, they wanted to let these people know about their plans and ask them to join them on their new journey.

Paul had made sure that they got a separate room at a nearby restaurant for this and when the boys arrived, the rest of them was already there. Paul and Paddy were the only members of their security team present at the meeting as well. Everyone was already suspicious but still surprised when Louis explained their plan. Josh surprised them all, though, when he yelled loudly, “I knew it! I knew something was going on!”

The room went relatively silent at that and Louis asked, in a scared tone, “How?”

Josh laughed at their fear, “I saw some suspicious meeting names when I made that appointment for Liam a while back. I knew you guys were up to something”

The other four boys immediately turned to Liam who blushed, complaining. Neither of them was supposed to in any way make it possible to find out about their secret.

“No, no, he couldn’t have known what it meant!” Liam tried to calm them. He had really been careful, and Josh supported him, “I didn’t know what was going on, just that something was going on. He had several meetings set up which were named after Marvel characters or movies or quotes. Today was saved as Assemble, so I didn’t ask what was going on and assumed you’d let us know today and I was right”

“You are such a weird nerd sometimes” Louis looked at Liam with an amused smile.

“Yeah, the other day I looked at his calendar and there were some appointments named after dinosaurs” Zayn added with a little smirk as Liam groaned and tried to hide his face in his left arm in embarrassment.

“We are getting off topic here” Liam groaned as they continued to poke fun at him and his weird calendar naming habits.

“But I still want to know why you would name-“ Jon couldn’t get over the dinosaur thing.

“Alright, alright” Liam gave in and quickly said, red faced, “It’s therapy, cause it’s scary, you happy now?”

After a quick laugh at Liam and assurance that it was not a bad thing that he did some things just a little differently, they went back to the issue at hand. The time went by quickly as everyone was happy for them and wanted to stay and work with them on their upcoming tour and album as well. It felt amazing to know that they had the support they had hoped for. They stayed at the restaurant for quite a while and indulged themselves. As Sandy and Jon stepped out of the room to smoke, Liam hated that they did this, he followed them. He wanted to take a breath of fresh air and just a moment away from everyone. They stood outside the building for a few minutes until Liam got cold and told Paul that he was going back inside.

Liam made a quick detour to the bathroom, running into Zayn who was on his way back and smiled at him, “This went better than expected, right?”

“Yeah, it’s great so far” Liam agreed before disappearing into a stall. Just as he left the stall again, the door to the room opened and two familiar faces entered. Liam froze mid-step, looking right into Jason’s and Michael’s grim faces. They both were looking at him angrily as Liam couldn’t help but notice their aggressive and tense stand.

“There he is, little Mr. superstar” Jason said in a hiss as Michael closed and locked the door behind them.

Liam was simply said, scared to death. He felt hot and cold at the same time, could feel the hairs on his arms standing up and sweat starting to form as a shiver ran down his back. Michael was the first to make a move, surging forward and pushing Liam who barely had a second to brace himself for the impact. It took effort, but Liam managed to stay on his feet and fight against Michael’s grip. His shoulder burned and hurt but Liam still had to use both hands to defend himself against punches and pushes. Faintly Liam could hear Jason telling Michael to get out of the way.

Jason had a knife. Liam belatedly realised as he had his arm up in defence against what he had thought was just Jason’s fist coming his way. It wasn’t and luckily, he managed to block Jason, but it only made him angrier. The next hit wasn’t as successfully blocked, and Liam could feel pain erupting on his forearm where the knife came in contact with his skin. It wasn’t his upper body, though, where Jason had aimed at.

Since there was not much room as Michael had pushed him back into his stall again, Liam actually had the advantage that they couldn’t both attack him at the same time. Michael was trying to help his friend out by grabbing Liam, but the other boy was quick to evade and kick back at Michael while trying to keep the damn knife away from his body.

It wasn’t much more than luck, but somehow, he kicked out at Michael but hit Jason instead, making him stumble and fall against Michael. It gave Liam a little space to move past them towards the door, which he tried. It wasn’t enough time, though and he was grabbed by the leg, pulling him to the floor, just as he had moved to open the door after unlocking it successfully. Liam fell to the floor harshly, the loud thud echoing in his ears even later. There was a sharp pain in his knee, followed by a stinging ache on the side of his leg before Liam managed to get himself to move again. Kicking and struggling and somehow succeeding in getting the two boys off himself. Liam doesn’t know how he did it, but he opened the door and somehow made it out of the room, struggling to get back on his feet before calling for help, yelling for Paul and the boys as well.

Michael was the first back on his feet again out of the three of them and tried to bring Liam down again from his crouched over position, where he was leaning on to the wall. Liam was just glad it wasn’t Jason with his knife as he fought back or tried to at least.

Another lucky push from Liam made Michael lose his balance and fall backwards to the floor just as two things happened simultaneously. Paul was rounding the corner and Jason was storming out of the bathroom, right at Liam who was slumping back against the wall after having used all his effort to get Michael off.

Liam saw Paul grab Jason before he could reach him and slowly sunk to the floor, relief washing over him. Now more people were starting to cramp into the hallway, yelling and screaming and stressing him out. Liam was panting heavily, both from exhaustion and pain. He felt numb as he watched Paul and Paddy each grab one of his struggling attackers and pulling them away. The boys were trying to all get to him, all eight of them. They were talking to him, grabbing him and all Liam could feel were hands on his body that he didn’t like. He tried to push them away but somewhere along that way he got lost.

The next thing Liam became aware of was that he was sitting in the back of an ambulance, Louis was next to him with Josh and Zayn standing just outside as someone was working on his leg. Liam looked down at himself and saw bright red. Blood. And immediately felt sick. He threw up on the floor only just missing Louis. The next two hours felt like a dream, a very bad and painful dream that he was watching from afar.

Somehow he found himself sitting on a hospital bed at some point later and all the noise that had just gone through his head without him making out any of the words that were said to him, slowly started to make sense. Zayn’s calm voice was continuously talking, and Liam liked that. Louis only spoke up every now and then.

Liam glanced around the room, seeing that it was only the three of them.

Zayn stopped talking and Liam frowned, “Zayn”

It caught the other boys’ attention. Louis was speaking very gently as he called Liam’s name and asked how he was feeling.

“Knife” Liam just managed to say, frowning at himself.

“Yeah, there was a knife, but I wanted to know how you are feeling”

“Hurts” Liam whimpered, once again looking at himself. His left arm was bandaged, and he was still wearing his sling, which he realised must be good. His pants were gone and replaced by shorts, which made Liam frown but there was a bandage on the side of his leg and a brace around his knee with an ice pack on top.

“You went into shock, they said” Zayn slowly said, “You weren’t responding at all”

“I don’t…” Liam started to talk but trailed off again, shaking his head slowly, “What happened to… t-them?”

“You did great, Liam, you fought them, and they were arrested. They are going to jail for breaking the restraining order and trying to kill you” Louis supplied, “They won’t bother you anymore”

“T-the show, we have a show” Liam remembered slowly.

“We are cancelling, Li, you can’t perform” Zayn shook his head.

“No, we need to, no, I can, seriously” Liam argued, panicking slightly.

Louis and Zayn frowned at how upset their friend got but told him they’d figure that out later. Instead they got a nurse to check him over and only half an hour later he was released. He was limping heavily, having re-injured his knee, though it was nowhere near as bad as the last injury. The wounds on his arm and leg that the blade left were stitched together and would need some time to heal. His broken collarbone hurt like hell. He had aggravated the injury and therefore set back the recovery. After getting pain meds and being told to get into contact with his general physician, Liam was led by Zayn to the waiting room. Andy, Paddy and two more security guards were waiting there for them, along with the other boys.

“Paul is talking to the police, they need a statement from you, Liam” Paddy informed the boy while all the others wanted to hug him and asked how he was feeling. Liam ignored them, trying to keep as much distance between himself and other objects or bodies. He was in enough pain already.

“He’s not doing anything; we are taking him home” Louis stated.

“About that, the four of us need to leave, the show is starting soon” Harry spoke up slowly, “I tried getting us out of this, but they won’t budge. They want Liam as well, but that’s not happening”

“I’m coming” Liam stated slowly, “Don’t go crazy on me, I’m coming along. You need to let me”

“Liam, seriously, you don’t have to. It’s okay, it’s over. Go home” Louis said, looking confused.

“Let me, please” Liam pleaded and with that it was sealed. No one could tell Liam no, not when he looked this desperate and upset. Not when just hours ago two people tried to seriously hurt him, and they were glad that he was as okay as he was.

They didn’t let him walk one step, though, Paddy carried him out to the car and then once they were back at the arena, also inside. They had missed sound check and the fans were already waiting for them to start the show. This was the first time they started a show late and while the others got dressed, Liam just stayed in his shirt and shorts. Instead of their usual entrance they just walked on stage with Josh and Sandy carrying him before going to their instruments. They sat him down in the middle of the stage where a little platform was. Niall sat next to him, trying to be as close as possible while the other three stood next to them. They played the first song, with the boys backing him up more than usual which he was thankful for and instead of their usual running around, only Louis and Harry dared to take more than a few steps away from him, trying to actually perform a little. Zayn and Niall didn’t leave his side.

Louis spoke up after they ended the song and apologised for being late, then explained that Liam got hurt again even though the fans already had read about this in the media, probably. Judging by the upset yells and cries the boys knew it was already out there. Liam didn’t say anything, he didn’t feel well enough to do so. He wanted to be there, to end the tour with the show he had wanted and to proof to himself that these two didn’t ruin him or managed to break him.

Niall did not once get up from his spot, while during the next few songs the other three managed to get back into their usual routine. It was only half the show they usually could give the fans, but they were trying their best. After each song one of the other three came over to check in with him and Niall.

They didn’t get on the platform and skipped two songs, well, the band skipped two songs and neither of them complained. Liam saw Louis walk up to Dan and probably thank him for that. At two other songs, Liam just felt too tired and winded to continue and asked Niall to take over for him. He was hurting horribly by the time they were about to do their last song. The five met all back up in the middle of the stage and Louis asked them, “Are we still doing this, announcing that we are leaving?”

“Yes” Liam said confidently, he needed this to go out tonight.

Louis nodded after getting the approval of the rest of the band before him and Harry started to explain to their fans, officially announcing that they were not going to renew their contracts and changing labels. That things would be different, and they’d continue to update them on the process.

The tension in the arena was confusing as the fans had no idea what had been going on in the background. Louis tried to explain that they were not happy with how they were treated the last few weeks and that it was putting their health at risk.

Liam cut in at that, “Today some things happened that were more than enough reason for us to postpone today, but we were still made to come here and perform. We’ve been forced to do things like this in the past…”

It shocked the audience and soon they launched into their last song. This time they all sat together, almost in a circle and just sang with each other and not for the fans for once.

After the show, they didn’t run up the ramp. Instead Harry thanked their band and got them to the front of the stage with them. Josh came up behind Liam and hugged him tight but carefully, asking him how he was doing before Dan and Jon hugged him as well more gently. Sandy was talking with Harry to the audience but came back over once they were done and helped Dan to pick Liam up and carry him backstage. The other four boys quickly ended the show before following them.

Somehow, they ended in a group hug with eight people and Liam couldn’t help the overwhelming emotions surging through him. He felt himself starting to cry and then he couldn’t stay on his feet any longer, starting to sink to the floor. Hands were on him, holding him immediately, but Liam went limp in their arms, latching on to whoever was closest as he broke down sobbing.

He was picked up again and carried away, to a car he realised later, and it was Paul carrying him, handing him over to Zayn who was already in the car. Liam must have cried himself to sleep or passed out, because when he woke up again, there was a hot white pain surging through his head in addition to the aching burning all over his body. He was being carried again and looked up to see Paul once again and then when he looked around, he realised they were back at their apartment complex. They weren’t going to his own flat though, but to the one Harry and Louis shared.

He must have made some noise because Paul said, “Liam?”

Liam was set down on the sofa gently and then looked around confused.

Louis kneeled in front of him and said, “Hey, you are staying with us. I promised your mum I wouldn’t leave you alone.”

Liam faintly registered that Louis apparently had talked to his parents before nodding slowly. He didn’t want to be alone either even if he would have liked to sleep in his own bed.

“Zayn, Harry and Niall are all taking a shower and will come back here after. Do you think you can shower? Or would you like to take a bath?” Louis asked him slowly again and Liam blinked at him for a few seconds before just slowly shaking his head. He just wanted to sleep. Louis walked away for a moment and Paul entered his sight again. Liam wondered why he was still here but didn’t do anything beyond that. Harry came back and Liam heard them whisper in the kitchen.

“Come on, love, let’s get you to the bathroom” Louis was pulling him up gently and supporting him as he was led to the bathroom. Louis helped him undress and took of all the bandages on his arm and leg, “We need to change these anyway. Don’t get the wounds wet”

Liam ended up in a bath he didn’t want to take but enjoyed. It helped his tense muscles relax and gave him enough time of quiet and being alone to sort his thoughts. He was still unable to grasp what had happened though. Zayn was there to help him get dressed and Harry was the one to redress his wounds a little while later when he was led into Louis’ room and had sat down on the bed. Another round of pain meds later and Louis lying warmly by his side, Liam fell asleep again.

Pain and discomfort woke him up. He was alone in Louis’ room he noticed after a few moments of confusion. Liam took the time to pull back the covers and found himself in some shorts from Louis and without a shirt. His arms and legs had bruises all over from where he had tried to defend himself. His wounds were bandaged, and he could feel the burn beneath them. His collarbone had become a constant ache over the last few weeks and while it felt worse than it had in a while, it was bearable. The ache that spread down from his shoulder to his forearm was new, though. He had a brace around his knee that was throbbing horribly and felt tight. Liam groaned as he scooted to the edge of the bed and tested out his feet. He was hurting but he could manage with a heavy limp. After a few shaky steps, Liam got to the door and held on to the handle tightly as he pulled it open.

There were a bunch of people in the living room, Liam noticed with his eyes widening.

Paul and Katie were in the kitchen while Josh, Dan, Harry, Zayn, and Louis were sitting around the coffee table and two police officers were standing in front of them. Liam watched as they reacted to him entering the room and Louis once again was the first to jump out of his seat.

“How are you feeling?” Louis had his arm around him immediately and supported him.

“I… I don’t k-know” Liam admitted, cringing at how rough and tired his voice still sounded.

“Jon, Sandy and Niall are out picking up some groceries and a late lunch” Louis said as he led him over to the sofa, the boys already scrambling out of the way to make space for him. Liam winced and grimaced when he sat down, the movement hurt his knee. Katie sat down a cup of tea in front of him and then placed on ice pack on his knee before putting another on his shoulder.

“I think it goes without saying that you are not going to do any exercises until I clear your shoulder for it again. No pushing yourself now, either” she told him sternly before retreating back to the kitchen. Liam frowned. He had finally gotten some exercises he could do on his own and was allowed to train every day, trying to get the muscle in his arm back. The ice pack felt heavy on his shoulder and the pressure was uncomfortable, so he pulled it off again while the one on his knee felt actually heavenly.

“Liam” Katie looked at him with a frown.

“S h-heavy” Liam replied, looking at her apologetically. He knew he was being difficult, but it just hurt.

Zayn climbed onto the sofa, sitting on the back of it and gently pulled Liam against his legs, “Relax and give me that”

Liam handed over the ice pack and Zayn gently held it against his shoulder without letting it go, so not the full weight was resting against Liam’s collarbone.

“Is that better?” Zayn asked and Liam nodded, his head resting against Zayn’s legs.

“We were just finishing up our statements” Harry explained, nodding towards the police officers Liam had somehow forgotten about.

“They need one from you as well, when you are up to it” Josh said as well.

“Okay” Liam replied slowly.

“Are you sure?” Harry asked worriedly.

“Yeah, just… stay?” Liam looked at the boys around him and knew he could get through this if they were by his side.

The police officers asked him a few questions and made him explain everything that had happened the day before. Every step he took inside the bathroom and it was hard to think back on it all. Liam wasn’t sure if he really got the exact order of events right, but somehow, he got through it with only a medium amount of stuttering and stumbling over his words.

Afterwards Liam wanted to know what was going to happen.

“They are going to try Jason for attempted murder and depending on the evidence Michael as well. This is going to take a while and they will most likely end up in jail. But you’ll probably have to ask your lawyer for more information. If we need anything else, we’ll contact you”

Liam didn’t really listen after hearing the first sentence. Attempted murder. That was not true, was it? Had Jason really wanted to actually murder him? The police officers left soon after, though and Liam was once again met with a lot of worry and questions about his feelings that he didn’t have an answer to.

“I’m tired” he stated at some point and soon found himself under a blanket on the sofa.

Harry was sitting next to him on the edge and said, “I talked to Robert again, you know, from the record label?”

Liam frowned at him, scared of the news he was going to give them.

“He said to take the next month of to get some rest and to relax. No interviews, no meetings, no nothing. He said it’d be nice if we could write a few songs in the meantime, but we didn’t have to. Two of us are supposed to do like two or three phone interviews just to explain the change of labels and clear up some rumours about what happened but nothing else”

Liam smiled softly, “Sounds nice”

“Yeah, it sounds amazing” Harry nodded, “Just wanted to let you know, so you don’t worry. You can go to sleep now, we’ll be here”

Liam smiled again at him as his eyes fluttered close and he did just as told. He woke not even an hour later again, plagued by pain. Josh was sitting on the floor in front of the sofa and heard his pained whimpers before alerting the other boys that were all sprawled across the flat. Lou and Katie were there as well, Liam noticed as Lou was the one to grab him some water as Josh got up to get his pain meds. Again, he fell asleep right after taking his meds.

The next time he woke up that day it was late in the afternoon and he was feeling more alert. There were still way too many people in this little flat, Liam decided as he looked around the room, slowly trying to sit up. Niall, Lou, and Louis were on the floor in front of him this time, playing cards and startled when he started to move.

“Hey, sleepyhead, how are you feeling?” Niall asked softly.

“Uhm, sore, but… o-okay, I think” Liam replied, blinking the residual sleep away.

“That’s good” Louis smiled, “How is the pain?”

“There but okay” Liam answered as he finally was sitting upright, leaning against the back of the sofa, and trying to rearrange the blanket since he was already feeling cold in just his shorts.

Josh called out from the direction of the kitchen, “Liam, are you hungry?”

Liam frowned and shook his head.

“Right, you are still going to eat. Want tea with your food?” Josh laughed as he asked his next question.

“Katie and Harry made dinner earlier, it was amazing” Niall addressed Liam before putting the cards he was holding down and climbing onto the sofa and sitting cross legged next to his friend.

“What time is it?” Liam asked, he must have been sleeping the whole day away.

“9 p.m., we were about to make everyone leave after this round” Louis supplied as Lou started packing up the cards since they had apparently finished playing. Liam looked a little confused as his friend mentioned the time but then there was a plate of pasta set down in front of him together with a cup of tea. Liam still wasn’t feeling very hungry, so he went for the tea first, untangling his left arm from the blanket and reaching out. He felt sore all over and when he closed his fingers around the cup it sent waves of pain up his arm and he let go again with a wince. After the first unexpected wave of pain, Liam went to pick it up again, his arm feeling weak as he took a few sips before placing it down again. His arm was shaking as he did so, and Liam couldn’t help but feel sad about this. He couldn’t even drink bloody tea without pain.

The other boys had all somehow migrated closer to the sofa and Liam could feel them watching him in concern. While it made him uncomfortable, he couldn’t blame them. Everything still felt like a blur, but Liam knew that yesterday had been an intense and hard day for the boys as well. To make them happy and maybe ease their worry Liam decided to humour them and picked up his fork to eat. He took a few bites with a shaky hand before already feeling tired which frustrated him. He had just slept the whole day away and was just ready to fall straight back into bed.

Liam put his fork down when his hand started to shake even worse and glared at it while doing so. What was wrong with him?

“How are you feeling, you barely ate?” Zayn had come up to the sofa as well, sitting on the armrest with his feet up on the sofa and looking straight at Liam.

“Just tired” Liam replied softly, glancing over to Zayn before trying to pull the blanket back up, feeling a little cold again but it was all tangled up and he gave up again with a frustrated scowl. Niall tugged on the edges of the blanket until Liam was covered fully again, “There you go, no need to get upset”

“Sorry” Liam sighed, feeling even more frustrated that it was showing how upset he was.

“No need to apologise” Zayn told him softly, “But I really think you need to eat some more or the pain meds will make you sick again and you haven’t eaten in over a day as well”

Liam just grimaced at him, he was uncomfortable, discussing this in front of all these people. They were friends but still, he felt vulnerable and was hurting, so he at least told part of why he didn’t want to, “My stomach already hurts”

Katie was next to him suddenly, sitting down between him and where Zayn’s legs were, “That’s because you haven’t eaten since yesterday. Maybe something light, toast or something would be better to start. Let me check your knee and collarbone, at least, alright?”

Liam frowned as she pulled his blanket away and started to check him over, protesting, “S cold”

“I told the boys to get you a sweater earlier, but they were too scared to wake you up” Lou supplied from where she was still sitting on the floor with Louis. Whatever Katie did was painful, Liam realised after a few moments and she apologised once she finally left his arm alone and moved on to his knee.

“I’m getting you a sweater” Harry went back to Louis’ room and grabbed one of Louis’ sweatshirts.

“Grab some new bandages while you are at it” Katie called out, before turning to Liam, “You bled quite a bit through your stitches”

Liam looked at his bandages more closely and did see some blood, having apparently bled right through them.

“Louis and I have to do a little video interview in a few, Liam” Harry said as he handed his friend the sweater, “Anything you want us to say or not to say?”

“But it’s late” Liam frowned as he held the sweater not putting it on yet as Katie was still messing around with his knee, making him move his leg and prodding at it. He hissed at a particularly painful move. “Almost done, sorry, Liam” Katie apologised, “Let’s ice this some more, alright? We need to get the swelling down”

“Yeah, it’s in LA, we’re doing some video thing that will be pre-recorded” Louis explained while Dan got up and walked to the kitchen to get some ice, “Paul and Sandy managed to get it set up in Harry’s room”

“Yeah, after you guys miserably failed to connect the camera to your pc” Sandy laughed from the other side of the room where he was sitting with Jon, “And you should probably get ready for it now, if you want to start on time”

Liam watched as Harry and Louis got up and walked to Harry’s room. Sandy followed them, muttering, “I better make sure they don’t disconnect anything again”

“I need to see this” Lou and Jon scrambled behind them with giggles as well as Niall who jumped up from his seat and followed them after giving Liam a little squeeze, “Be right back”

That left Liam with Zayn, Josh, Dan and Katie and the room suddenly felt strangely empty. Katie made Liam sit up fully on the sofa, having him lean back against Zayn’s legs so he could stretch his injured leg out. She sat on the other end and started taking off his bandages first and cleaned the wounds. It looked really horrible and Liam had to look away, his stomach churning again. Zayn’s hand was carding through his hair in comfort, “You okay?”

“Hm” Liam just managed to bring out, pressing his eyes together. He really didn’t like the sight of blood and the stitches on his leg.

The door to Harry’s room opened again and laughter could be heard as Louis poked his head out, “Li, you mind waving at a camera for two seconds to show you are alive?”

Liam frowned but nodded, “Sure”

The door to Harry’s room opened and Harry was just picking up the camera, following instructions from Sandy. Harry smiled and explained, “Here you can see some of our friends. They’ve been helping us out all day. Oh, and Niall is here too, he just didn’t feel like working” He turned the camera around to face Lou, Jon, Sandy and Niall, before moving towards Louis who was standing in the middle of the room, “And here is Louis, you’ve seen him before and, there is Liam. Say hi, Li”

Liam managed a weak smile towards Harry, saying softly, “Hey”

“GUYS!” a yell came from the kitchen, “I can’t find the ice!”

“Mate, what the hell were you doing? You’ve been looking for fifteen minutes!” Zayn called back, throwing his head back with a laugh.

“Bloody hell, did you look in the freezer?” Louis groaned and quickly walked over, as a much quieter, “Oh, freezer” was heard from the kitchen, making the room erupt in laughter again.

“That was our friend Dan” Harry explained, turning the camera back to himself, “He’s much smarter at music”

Then he turned the camera back to Liam as Louis and Dan came back from the kitchen with an ice pack, “Say bye, Liam!”

Liam rolled his eyes a little at Harry as Dan threw the ice towards him for him to catch, momentarily not thinking about what he was actually doing.

Liam hadn’t been looking his way, but Zayn had, luckily, reaching out and just grabbing the edge of the ice pack, so it barely hit Liam in the chest. The boy still flinched violently as Louis already shoved Dan with a curse, “Idiot!”

“Oh shit! I am so sorry!” Dan froze mid step, eyes widening in guilt.

“Right, that’s enough of that” Harry mumbled, turning around to get back into his room to continue the interview. Louis didn’t follow immediately, wanting to make sure Liam was alright first while Katie was finishing up getting his wounds dressed again and Dan continued to apologise until Zayn told him to just shut up and that it was fine. Liam hadn’t really been hurt, just got scared for a moment.

The door to Harry’s room opened again and Lou came back out giggling, “Someone might want to get in there. Niall and Harry are a mess”

“Oh god” Liam sighed, knowing that these two shouldn’t be left alone in interviews.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got it” Louis laughed before taking off again. Liam wasn’t sure whether that was the truth, but he was beyond caring at this point. He had only been awake for what had not even been an hour and he was ready to just go back to bed again. Now he finally could put the shirt on which Harry had given him before. The boy didn’t even bother trying to put his right arm through the arm of the shirt, leaving it just hanging on the side after he had slipped his left arm through.

“You look like you’re about to pass out” Josh spoke up for the first time in a while, looking concerned, Liam realised. He hadn’t even realised that his eyes had started to slowly fall closed and he quickly looked up, trying to wake himself up again. Zayn shifted behind his back and Liam frowned as he suggested, “Let’s get you in a real bed, huh?”

“No” Liam said slowly, he didn’t want to waste more time sleeping.

Zayn and Josh both somehow convinced him otherwise. Maybe he was tired and maybe it was a good idea. Zayn led him back to Louis’ room despite his protests, explaining, “All five of us are staying here, and Louis won’t mind”

With that Liam found himself back in Louis’ bed as Zayn sat down on the edge, asking whether he needed anything else.

“I don’t want to be alone” Liam said in almost a whine and Zayn frowned worriedly, but replied, “Sure, I can stay with you, Li, it’s no problem. Let me just grab my phone”

Liam looked like he was ready to cry at that and Josh who had been by the door, hovering close saw that, “I’ll get it, you stay”

Zayn meanwhile climbed into bed next to Liam and hugged him close, the both of them getting comfortable. Josh came in and handed Zayn his phone before setting Liam’s down on the nightstand together with a bottle of water and his pain meds, “In case you need them. I think the boys are just finishing up and we’ll be on our way then. We’ll come check on you tomorrow, okay?”

“Thanks, Jay” Zayn smiled gratefully.


	10. Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As this goes on things will touch on Liam's mental health more and I am not a professional. I can only write from my own research and personal experience, so I hope this offends no one who has similar problems. 
> 
> TW:  
> anxiety, eating disorder

The next morning Liam was awake early and there was someone lying on either of his sides. The familiar pain of his body was a constant reminder of his injuries. Just staying on his side for a little while, facing Zayn, Liam took a few deep breaths. He needed to get up, his mind already racing, and he wanted to stop that. Once he turned on his back, he saw that Louis was on his other side and he slowly sat up, leaning against the headboard for a moment. Maybe he could get up without waking his mates. Sitting up had taken quite some effort so he threw that thought away again. There was no way he was getting out of this bed without causing them to wake up. Instead he managed to reach over Louis’ peacefully sleeping form and grab his pain meds and the water bottle with medium effort. Once he took them, he reached for his phone that Josh had left for him.

Instead of a thousand missed calls from their management team which now was not their team anymore, he had one missed call and a text from Robert, their new manager. It was sweet and short and practically told him to take any time he needed. Liam already loved this man.

His sisters and parents had called him a few times and there were texts as well. The last ones explaining that while they had talked to Louis and Harry a few times, they were still worried and wanted him to call them back.

He shot his mother and sisters a quick text each, explaining that he had just woken up, was feeling much better and would call them later that day. Ruth immediately called him back and Liam cursed, not wanting to wake the boys. He still answered, knowing that Ruth would keep calling otherwise, in a whisper.

“Why are you whispering? Are you really okay?” Ruth sounded stressed out.

“Yeah, Lou and Zayn are asleep right next to me” Liam explained, still speaking softly, glancing at Louis while talking. He knew Zayn could sleep through almost anything, but Louis didn’t.

“Oh god, Liam, I was so scared when I saw it on the news!” Ruth said slowly, “Mum is still freaking out”

“You don’t have to worry, I am okay” Liam insisted.

“You are definitely not okay. What happened is just horrible. We never imagined how crazy these two were!” Ruth argued, “They tried to literally kill you, Li”

“C-can we not… talk about this now?” Liam asked, his voice wavering. He didn’t want to think about this, like at all, every again. If anything, he wanted to forget it.

“Yeah, okay, that’s fine, we don’t have to” Ruth sighed, sounding a bit disappointed which made Liam feel guilty. His sister wanted to talk, and he was too much of a coward.

“Mum wants to drive down to London to see you, she is really worried and blaming herself for not seeing what was going on earlier. I will drive her if it’s okay with you, just for a day or two to calm her down” Ruth said, “I know you’ve been off doing things alone lately, not wanting to talk to them and stuff… but…”

“Ruth…” Liam sighed; he didn’t want to deal with all this.

“Liam, please, just let her take care of you for a day, let her see you. We haven’t seen you in months, we miss you” Ruth pleaded with him, “I’m sorry we weren’t there for you in the past, so fucking sorry. We should have taken care of you; you are our little brother, and we didn’t and I’m sorry”

Liam couldn’t help getting choked up over this. He’d been trying to push all this away and now Ruth was opening it all back up with one phone call.

“I get it if you are angry at us or upset, but please let us try and make it up to you” Ruth continued when he didn’t answer.

“S-stop, I’m not… not angry” Liam said slowly, knowing his voice was already cracking.

“You should be” Ruth told him gently, “Just let us come to London and if we are too much you can tell me, and we’ll give you space. I promise, the moment you say it we are out of your hair”

“Okay” Liam said this time. He just couldn’t promise that he would enjoy it and he was definitely not looking forward to it but if today was going to be anything like the day before he’d probably just sleep the day away anyways. He told his sister as much and she said that it wouldn’t be a problem.

When they finally hung up and Liam let the phone drop into his lap, Liam reached up to wipe a tear away. The phone call was emotionally exhausting and when he went to put his phone back on the nightstand, he found Louis looking at him. He was always looking concerned nowadays, when he was looking at Liam and the boy did not like that.

Louis asked softly, “Are you going to be okay when they come?”

Liam shook his head softly, “I didn’t mean to wake you up”

“How are you feeling? You hurting?” Louis now sat up and Liam admitted, “I took some meds, so it’s not so bad right now”

“That’s good, let’s see if the lads are awake yet” Louis smiled at him, throwing back the blanket and getting out, stretching before holding his hand out to Liam and helping him up whether he needed it or not. Louis made him sit down in the kitchen when they realised, they were the only ones up yet and decided to make some breakfast for them.

Liam tried to help by setting the table, but Louis wasn’t having any of it, forcing him back in his seat, “You are hurt, no moving around”

Liam sighed but didn’t protest further, instead he let his head drop onto his arms on the table and watched Louis as he made a mess out of the kitchen. The boy was glad it wasn’t his kitchen this time.

“Lou?” Liam asked, speaking up after a few moments of silence.

“Yeah?” Louis asked, not turning around as he focused on not burning the eggs he was just trying to scramble.

“W-what happened? Like… I mean, after, I don’t really re-remember” Liam sounded unsure and his voice was breaking halfway through his question. He was still watching Louis at the stove and saw him stop for a few seconds before continuing without answering. A few minutes later, which felt like an eternity for Liam who was tense and scared, Louis turned the stove off and put the pan aside before turning around and sitting opposite Liam with a serious expression.

“What do you want to know, exactly?” Louis asked Liam gently.

“Everything” Liam replied, gazing up at his friend with a blink, “I just… don’t remember much past… w-what happened and… with management and Simon is probably angry, right? And I don’t… I just feel”

“You are out of the loop a little with everything that’s going on, I get it” Louis smiled sympathetically.

Liam nodded.

“Alright, well, I’ll just tell you what happened, what I saw and then get you up to date on everything that happened after the show” Louis said, and Liam nodded relieved. He needed to know what was going on.

“We heard some noise first and laughed it off, thinking someone was messing around just outside or in another room. It must have been you fighting and not even a minute after we heard yelling. At first, we didn’t think much of it either, but then you called for Paul and everyone knew that something was up. Him and Paddy were the first out the door and then me and the boys followed. I think the girls were too scared to follow. I only saw how Paul grabbed Jason just as he was about to… to s-stab you. It was horrible to see and then everything happened too fast. You slipped to the floor and we tried to ask you what was wrong, but you were not reacting at all. It scared the hell out of us, because we just saw blood and didn’t know how bad you were hurt” Louis sounded more upset with each word and Liam saw just how scared the other boy must have been.

“I’m sorry” Liam said softly, and Louis scowled at him, “Don’t apologise!”

“I feel sorry though, that you guys got scared” Liam argued.

“Fine” Louis sighed, “Well, someone called the police and an ambulance, and they took you while the other two were arrested. They were properly fighting and screaming and acting totally nuts. It was scary to see… like really fucking scary. It’s like they were obsessed with you… they made some weird statements to the police as well after, but yeah… The paramedic said you were in shock and that was bloody scary to see as well. I mean, I get it, but it was just hard to see you like this”

Liam felt embarrassed about this but at the same time he didn’t remember much.

“You almost threw up on me when you saw your leg” Louis smirked at him, “Was kind of funny. It made Zayn freak a little, though, scared him”

Liam grimaced, “Eww”

Louis chuckled a little, “After that paps and media started to show up and we took off to a hospital where they stitched you back up, checked your collarbone and knee out and sent us off. Then you gave us the next heart attack. It wasn’t as if Harry, Niall and Josh had been crying all evening, no, you had to go ahead and shock us by wanting to do the show… what the hell were you thinking?”

“T-they were crying?” Liam asked with furrowed brows.

“We all were scared, and you know how sensitive Niall and Harry are, Josh as well, apparently. Sandy, Dan, and Jon all had their hands full with them while Z and I were with you” Louis shook his head at the question, “Liam, they were trying to bloody stab you. Jason was literally trying to kill you. That is damn scary, and we could have lost you, like seriously”

Liam frowned, “He didn’t really want to kill me, I don’t think so”

Louis just stared at it him long enough for Liam to fidget around uncomfortably.

“Liam, he said so. Jason said it, word for word and Michael as well. They were trying to… fuck, Liam, I can’t-“ Louis shook his head, tears shining in his eyes, “Liam”

“I’m sorry” Liam said again, now choking up again, he couldn’t comprehend Louis’ words but seeing him this emotional, upset Liam as well.

“Right, don’t apologise, it’s okay” Louis seemed to get himself back under control, “So we did the show, Niall was too scared to be away from you. We did everything we planned to and then left. You almost passed out once we were backstage and then were in and out for a while. Sometimes you responded, sometimes not and once we got back here, we got you to take a bath because you couldn’t stand up on your own. Then you pretty quickly passed out after.”

“A-are there… pictures, like, of…” Liam stuttered over his next question.

“From when it happened?” Louis asked for clarification before shaking his head, “No, no one saw, and the media only showed up after you were in the ambulance. They got some pics of the other boys crying and looking scared but none of you. There are more than enough pictures of the concert, but mostly you just look tired and I mean you were obviously hurt and didn’t move around much, but nothing bad”

Liam looked relieved at that, “And what did I miss yesterday?”

Louis frowned, “Not much. We were awake most of the night, couldn’t sleep after what had happened and then the other boys arrived with breakfast and Katie and Paul. Then the police showed up and you were awake for like half an hour. Then we took a nap while they promised to watch out in case you woke up. Then we turned on our phones which was a mistake. Simon and Modest had been calling nonstop since the concert and they were not happy. It was pretty ugly, the few calls we had with them. Robert advised us to send them a nice goodbye mail and then block them. We did so, also posted some rubbish post on our social media and blocked them, on your phone, too. I mean, we still thanked them for everything and shit and said something that it was just not healthy and stuff. You can read it later, it’s on twitter. It’s nice but basically bullshit”

“Y-you blocked Simon?”

“Yeah” Louis sighed, seeing that Liam didn’t seem too happy about this, “We also deleted some rather rude and disrespectful messages from him… We didn’t want you to hear what he said. It was not nice “

Liam frowned, “I don’t…”

“Don’t think too much about it, not now, okay? We can deal with this like in a week, once things are a little better” Louis told him, shaking his head, “And nothing much happened after. Robert put a few statements out for us, and the boys and the girls stayed all day. We were all worried and it was nice to have them around. Then we did the interview, and everyone left after that”

“What are we going to do now?”

“Nothing” Louis shrugged, “We have a month off”

“That’s scary, we can’t just do nothing”

“We actually can, Liam, please don’t start overthinking things” Louis told him, looking concerned, before getting up, “Do you want to wake the rest of the boys for breakfast? Do you know when Ruth and your mum will be here? We need to go grocery shopping”

“I don’t know, let me ask” Liam sighed, quickly texting his sister before limping his way over to Harry’s room, calling back to Louis, “I’m not waking Zayn, though”

“Yes, you are!” Louis called back with an amused laugh.

Liam glared at him as he gently opened the door to look inside Harry’s room. Both boys were lounging on the bed, looking wide awake as they were staring at their phone, “You are awake”

Niall smiled widely at seeing him up and about, “Yeah, just didn’t feel like getting up, yet”

“Lou is trying to make breakfast” Liam informed them, and Harry groaned loudly, “God, no”

He was up and past Liam barely two seconds later, already yelling at Louis for even thinking of turning on the stove. Niall laughed loudly, “Lou almost burnt this place down twice, apparently, and we’ve only been here like… five days in total?”

Liam returned a smile, “You coming? We need to wake Zayn”

“Oh, you mean you are waking Zayn?” Niall asked, adding, “I’m good here, no thanks”

Liam rolled his eyes, “Come on, help me”

Niall sighed but followed Liam out the door a little while later. They slowly but steadily made their way to the other room, where Zayn was still sleeping just like Louis and Liam had left them. Their first tries to wake him up were met with grumbles and kicks at in their direction, followed by a pillow that was thrown before Zayn turned away from them, trying to hide away beneath the blankets.

“Mate, no throwing things at Liam” Niall scolded him as he jumped on the bed, right on top of Zayn, deciding that maybe having Liam too close to Zayn was not the best idea. The pillow hadn’t hurt him, but Zayn had thrown other things in the past as well if he was tired enough. Zayn mumbled a barely audible, “Sorry”

It was followed by a groan, “Get off me”

Zayn threw Niall off of him with a violent push, making him fall on his back next to Zayn before throwing his arm over Niall trapping him against the bed, “Sleep”

Niall shrugged at Liam who was watching the whole scene with a grin, “Not a bad idea”

He cuddled up against Zayn and closed his eyes as well, making Liam frown, “Hey, no, bad idea, really bad! Niall!”

Zayn blinked up at Liam mischievously before sitting up and holding his hand out to Liam who took it confused. The older boy gently pulled him closer and wrapped his arms around Liam’s waist before pulling him against his chest and then turning around to push him to the bed between himself and Niall, both of them trapping him efficiently despite his calls of protest.

“Relax, Liam, let’s take a nap” Niall told him.

“There’s no reason to be awake, yet” Zayn added, and Liam sighed. Maybe he could let them be for a few minutes before getting up. Ten minutes later, Liam found his eyes fluttering closed as well, though and the weight of Niall and Zayn both cuddling him, their arms over his waist, keeping him still, made him feel warm and cosy which didn’t help much in his mission to get them up.

“And that’s what happens when you send Li and Niall to wake up Zayn!” Harry’s loud laugh let Liam realise his eyes had fallen closed again. It must have only been a second, though, he was sure. Blinking tiredly, Liam tried to sit up again, but his mates’ grip was to tight and he sighed, “M t-trapped”

Niall mumbled, “That was the plan”

The boy looked up at Harry who was holding his phone up, “What are you doing?”

“I had to film Louis’ mess of a breakfast and you guys didn’t come back so I had to investigate“ Harry shrugged, putting it down after pressing stop.

“If anyone sees that I’ll kill you” Zayn told him grumpily, finally opening his eyes now as well, pulling his arms back from Liam who now finally could push Niall off. Liam still couldn’t get out of the bed while being sandwiched between two of his friends that still refused to move, he complained, “Get up, come on now!”

Niall and Zayn giggled but didn’t move. Harry walked up to the side of the bed where Zayn was on and shook his head in disappointment, “You guys are being mean, come here Li, I’ll help you”

Liam managed to somehow lean over Zayn far enough that Harry could wrap his arm around his waist and helped him climb over the older boy. Even though he had been adamant about not letting Liam leave, the younger one felt Zayn’s hands on him, trying to help Harry out, holding his injured knee steadily until he was standing next to Harry.

“Thanks” Liam breathed out, already out of breath.

“Let’s get breakfast” Harry led him out to Louis who was setting the table.

“The other two are being idiots, wouldn’t let Liam out of bed” Harry informed Louis with a shake of his head, “They made him climb over Zayn”

Liam frowned as it seemed like Harry was really upset about this little game the other two had played with him. Louis looked equally upset, nodding before stating sweetly, “Why don’t you two start already. I’m just going to yell at some idiots”

“Wha- no, that’s fine, I’m okay” Liam protested as Louis walked towards the other boys in his room. Harry shook his head, “No, they are idiots, they could have hurt you”

“I could have played along, though” Liam shook his head, but Louis was already gone, closing the door behind himself.

“What is he doing?” Liam asked Harry who had started piling food on both their plates in the meantime. The youngest just shrugged, “Probably just waking them up and telling them they are stupid, don’t worry”

Liam nodded, hoping that was true, he didn’t want them to fight because of him. Harry quickly distracted him, though, “Lou said your mum is coming later. Do you want to go back to your flat to hang out with them for a while? You can stay here as well, too, we could go out do some shopping while you talk”

“No, what… you’ll leave me?” Liam sounded properly devastated at that. He didn’t want them to go, he needed them.

“Liam, no, no, of course not” Harry quickly retreated, “We just thought you wanted to spend some time with them alone”

“No” Liam stated with a glare towards his friend who just seemed confused.

“But… you know what, never mind” Harry stuttered, “Josh and Dan want to come over again, too, you up for that?”

“Yeah” Liam nodded slowly. He liked having them around and the more people were around, the less questions his mother and Ruth could ask. Louis, Zayn, and Niall came back out of the room, still looking sleepy and half-awake but content. Louis probably didn’t yell at them, Liam realised relieved.

Louis and Niall made them all some tea and then they all just sat down around the table and had breakfast together. Liam felt like he did pretty good. He managed to eat some toast and eggs before his arm started throbbing painfully again. Lifting it up and gripping his fork before picking up his tea twice to take a few sips was enough to make him regret ever moving it. After setting his tea down, Liam let his arm just lie on the table next to his plate, moving his fingers a little, testing out the movement. Instead of it helping, it only made the pain worse.

Liam already felt frustrated enough with his right arm in a sling but now he couldn’t even really eat without being in pain. He had hoped it would be better this morning, thinking it was only because he was so tired the night before. How was he supposed to do anything for the next few days or even weeks? He didn’t want to just sit around and do nothing.

“Liam, love, you can’t be done yet” Louis addressed him, and Liam looked up from where he was staring at his arm, to find Louis looking at him intensely. Liam took way too long to answer, he knew that, but claimed, “M not hungry”

“You barely touched your tea, what is wrong?” Zayn didn’t buy it and frowned.

“Nothing, M fine” Liam couldn’t meet their eyes as he said that.

Harry surprised him, when he chuckled next to him, “You might want to rethink your strategy here. You are crying if you haven’t noticed which makes it obvious you are lying”

Liam instinctively reached up to wipe at his eyes, but pain shot up his arm and he let it drop back down with a wince again.

“And there we have the problem, don’t we?” Louis said, looking far too happy about this, Liam decided.

Either way, there was no point in lying anymore, so he admitted, “It hurts to… g-grab anything and to lift my arm”

“So, you are still hungry” Niall commented.

Liam shook his head, “N-not anymore, was before but now I just feel sick”

Louis sighed loudly, “Well, shit, tell us if you get hungry again, we can figure something out, so you don’t hurt yourself”

Liam didn’t answer, instead he kept his eyes back on the table, where he glared at his injured arm. He waited for the others to finish their breakfast as they resumed to the conversation that had been going on before. While Louis and Zayn went to take care of the dishes, Harry pulled Liam along to the living room where they sat with Niall on the sofa before putting on a movie.

“No, we can’t just… Harry, I want-“ Liam tried to protest but was quickly silenced.

“No, we have time off and we are going to use it to do nothing but eat and watch movies” Niall told him, “You can work yourself back to death in a month when we get back to work”

Liam glared at him, “I’m not-“

“Liam” Zayn called from the kitchen, “Do us a favour and shut up, it’s four against one, so just get on with it”

Liam still wasn’t happy but let himself be wrapped in hugs by Harry and Niall who were already buried beneath a blanket each before throwing one over Liam as well. It wasn’t too bad, Liam decided after a while, watching Disney movies with his friends and being cuddled. It felt nice and it kept his mind from wandering, as long as he concentrated on the plot of the movie. Harry got bored after a while, though and got up to go to his room only to return with a book in his hand and to find Zayn in his seat, smirking at him as he pulled Liam against his chest.

“That’s mean” Harry just said, before flopping down in the armchair where Louis was sitting, planting himself in his friend’s lap to get his cuddles elsewhere. Liam must have zoned out for a while after that, his eyes still following the movie but not really noticing much around him anymore.

“I asked Katie for advice” Louis’ voice startled him back into reality again, he was directly in front of him. Liam didn’t really know what he meant until he saw the glass in his hand. It was filled with what looked like a smoothie and a straw.

“If you can hold that someway or set it on the table you don’t need to use your arm” Louis explained, “But she said that you need to start eating something today or you’ll make yourself sick”

Liam eyed the smoothie carefully, making the older boy laugh, “It’s good, I promise, Harry made it”

He sat up slowly, untangling himself from Zayn who seemed reluctant about letting him go, reaching out to grab the drink. Louis kept a hold on it until he was sure that Liam had fully grabbed it and watched him carefully after. Liam took a sip of it before letting it rest on his lap, only steadying it with his hand, not holding it. It actually was pretty great, Liam decided and leaned down to take another sip and Louis was right as well, it was a lot easier than trying to pick up his tea earlier that day. Louis seemed satisfied and left him alone again with a wide smile. Niall was still curled up next to him but staring at his phone and Zayn seemed to be content just lazing around as well, doing nothing. Liam concentrated on finishing his smoothie but only managed to finish half of it before feeling a little gross and full. With a shaky hand he managed to set the glass down on the table before leaning back against the sofa.

“Your mum will be here in about half an hour by the way, Ruth texted me since you were not responding, again. Oh, and I told them to stop by your apartment to drop their stuff off. They can stay there, right?” Louis informed him from the armchair where he was still sitting with Harry. They were both looking at Louis’ laptop and Liam briefly wondered what they were doing. Instead of asking he just nodded slowly. The front door opened, and Liam looked up to the entrance where both Josh and Dan came in through. Apparently, they had a key to Louis’ and Harry’s flat.

At the same time Zayn stood up, announcing, “I’m gonna go get my sketchbook”

He left through the still open door as Niall cried out, “Dan! Play FIFA with me, pleaseeee!”

Dan was more than happy to comply and soon the movie was gone from the screen, replaced with Niall’s favourite game. Josh sat down next to Liam with a soft chuckle at his friend’s antics before asking, “How are you feeling today, sunshine?”

Liam just smiled at him before turning into him, letting his head drop on Josh’s chest.

“Feeling cuddly today, apparently” Josh laughed as he wrapped his arms around Liam and pulled him close, basically on top of him and cuddling him. Liam nestled his face against his neck and closed his eyes contently. Josh was the easiest to fall asleep on, he was always still and warm, happy to hold him. Louis and Zayn were like that as well, they were excellent at calming him and hugging him. Josh grabbed the blanket that Liam had barely wrapped around him anymore and covered them both with it, “You warm enough?”

Liam nodded against him, sighing softly, “Thanks”

He felt Josh hold him only a little tighter and Liam didn’t mind as the added pressure and warmth just made him relax. With the other boys in the room he couldn’t fall asleep, there was too much commotion and noise going on. Zayn returned at some point and sat on the windowsill of one of the windows, starting to sketch. Usually Zayn didn’t want to get disturbed when he was drawing or being creative and Liam was glad that Josh had taken his place so he wouldn’t feel the need to sit with Liam again.

Louis and Harry were still cuddled up with a laptop and Dan was entertaining Niall.

After a little while, only occasional yells and comments from Niall and Dan interrupting the silence, Louis spoke up, “Lads, we need to go out and do some shopping”

Liam frowned at him while the others all started to get up and stop what they were doing. He looked up at Josh who was looking at Louis. While Niall, Dan and Zayn left the room to get on shoes and grab some jackets, Harry grabbed Liam’s half empty glass and put it in the kitchen before joining them. Josh started to move beneath him, and Louis finally explained, “Ruth and your mum are on their way up, we’ll give you a little space to catch up”

Liam just shook his head, trying to keep Josh from moving away from him, “Y-you can’t leave me”

“We are coming back, let Josh go, come on” Louis told him, shaking his head confidently, “They haven’t seen you in forever and it’s not fair to them if we keep hogging you and you will have to talk to them sooner or later anyways”

Just as Liam protested once more, pleading with Josh not to leave him alone, there was a soft knock on the door and Zayn opened it. Ruth and his mother were both standing just outside and there was no stopping Ruth as she barged in, looking for her brother. Liam flinched away from her though and just clutched Josh as tight as he could.

“Liam” Ruth sounded worried and hurt as she tried to hug him, sitting down next to the two boys. Josh pushed him off himself easily, “Liam, sunshine, come on now”

Liam didn’t meet his eyes as he was passed along from his friend to his sister who hugged him with him unable to do anything against it.

“Don’t cry, we’ll be back in an hour tops. You can call anytime if you need us, okay?” Josh gently told him, before placing a kiss to the side of his head and getting up slowly. Liam was crying again, and he hated it, but he was just scared. Too scared to be alone, away from the boys.

He felt someone sit down where Josh had just left and heard his mother’s voice next as the tears were starting to flow freely now, he was unable to keep the sobs away. It was awkward having Ruth hold him and he tried to move away from her, he didn’t want to be touched at the moment, not by anyone but Josh, to be honest.

“I’m sorry” he gasped out after a while of uncomfortable silence.

“Liam, what are you apologising for? It’s okay, no need for it, really” Ruth asked him surprised.

“I don’t know” Liam replied truthfully, he had just felt the need to, even if he didn’t have a reason.

“Liam, oh god, we were just so worried… when Paul called us… we were so scared about you” his mother told him, looking like she might cry.

“I’m okay now” Liam said unable to do more than quickly glance at her.

“You don’t need to lie to make us feel better, Liam” Ruth told him with a shake of her head, “I know it’s your thing apparently and we never really caught on, but seriously, please be honest”

Liam didn’t know what to reply to that. She was right, it’s what he was trying to do while at the same time trying not to panic. That still doesn’t mean he wanted to stop it.

“Why are you so upset now? You were fine with cuddling the other boy” his mother asked him, her voice gentle and low, as if not to startle him.

“I’m not upset” Liam still argued weakly which made Ruth laugh out loud and his mother scold her.

“I just didn’t want them to leave” Liam added after that, moving so he was sitting up better and pulling his legs close to his body. His knee, the injury that had been bothering him the least was aching a little and he moved his left arm so he could take a hold of it, pressing against the hurting part. Once again, not his best move, Liam realised with a gasp seconds later. Ruth shook her head at him as she gently grabbed his arm and pulled it away, “What do you think you are doing?”

“It hurt” Liam whimpered, moving his arm out of her grip, and letting it drop in his lap again.

“And you thought that would make it better?” Ruth asked again and Liam just indicated a shrug, afraid he’d hurt his shoulder if he really shrugged.

“Who were the other two boys by the way?” Ruth asked then, trying to change the subject a little.

“Dan and Josh f-from the band” Liam explained slowly, turning to his mother, “Y-you already talked to Josh that one time”

“The boy you were hugging?” she asked for clarification, before realising, “He’s the drummer, right?”

Liam nodded slowly.

“Louis mentioned him, them too, I think” Ruth added, “They were all here yesterday, right?”

Liam nodded again, “Sandy and Jon, too, but not today”

His mother nodded at him, smiling.

Ruth jumped up from her seat, “I’m making some tea and then we can talk a little, okay?”

Liam groaned at the thought of holding another thing in his hand and the added pressure of having to talk to his family. He just was scared of what they were going to get into. His worrying was unnecessary though, he found out soon after, as his sister and mother just talked to him about basic things. They talked about their work, Nicola and her family, their dad who was working at the moment and so much more that was going on in his hometown. Ruth told a funny story about their grandparents which she had visited not too long ago. They were living quite far away, down in the south of the UK and while Liam loved them, he didn’t see them that much.

“They were all proud of you and wouldn’t shut up about their superstar grandson, you know” Ruth teased him, “Didn’t even care about poor me. You need to go down there soon, though, once you feel better. They miss seeing you every holiday”

Liam nodded, “Next time I get some time off”

“You could bring some of the boys along, they’d love them, and you could all have some fun together down there” his mother suggested, and Liam smiled widely at her. He really liked that idea. After a little while of light hearted jokes and talking some more, his mother said in a more serious tone, “I wanted to talk to you about something… Michael’s mother came to us last night, she wanted to talk…”

Liam immediately flinched at the name, his mind going back to the incident, to the bathroom, where Michael hurt him.

“S-she apologised and everything… asked me to forgive her and all that” his mother continued.

Ruth added, interrupting her, “Mum sent her away, she was really angry, but at the same time it was Michael not his mum that hurt you, so we don’t really know what to do about this. We wanted your opinion”

“I don’t want to talk about this” Liam just stated speaking uncharacteristically slowly, seemingly calm.

“If it makes you in any way uncomfortable, I won’t speak to her again, Liam, I promise” Karen told him, but Liam shook his head.

“I don’t care, just, don’t make me talk about this” Liam told her, with more force this time, his voice sounding tight.

“Why not?” Ruth decided that she wanted to push him. Liam knew what she was trying to do but tried his best not to play into it. In the end all that happened was that he started crying again, trying to curl up on himself, feeling overwhelmed and exhausted already. He knew he was sounding pathetic but all he wanted was for Louis, Zayn, and Josh to come back. These three made him feel the safest and when they weren’t around, he got scared.

“Liam, you are not alone, we are right here, and the boys will be back soon” his mother tried to calm him, but he didn’t listen.

“I need them” he sobbed.

“What for? Liam, come on, talk to us” Ruth asked.

“Safe” Liam said.

“They make you feel safe?” Ruth wanted to know, and Liam nodded.

“And we don’t?” his mother then asked, and Liam nodded again.

“What are you afraid of, Liam?” Ruth was now talking again.

“They are going to kill me” Liam cried, “It hurts”

“Can I hug you, Liam? Please” his mother asked, but he shook his head again frantically, crying harder. Liam knew she was hurt when she turned away a little and then got up and walked to the kitchen. He felt guilty. Ruth stayed seated next to him but didn’t push any further, instead she only said softly, “They are in jail, no one is going to hurt you anymore, Liam. You are safe”

Liam shook his head again, so she stayed silent for a little while longer.

When noises from the front door came, Liam looked relieved even though his breathing and crying didn’t slow down. Not until he saw the boys walk in through the door and Ruth got up from beside him, moving to follow their mother into the kitchen. Liam could hear her whisper something to the boys as she walked away but couldn’t make out the words past his own heavy breathing.

“What’s wrong, love?” Louis was in front of him first as Josh followed, sitting down in his previous spot. Liam didn’t answer him as Zayn took the other vacant spot next to him.

Ruth’s voice was back, quite close, “We talked for a little while, but when I started to push him a little to talk about some things he said… he said they were going to kill him and that he doesn’t feel safe without you around. He doesn’t want us to hug him, too, said he needed you three”

Zayn asked softly, “Hugs or space?”

“S-space” Liam gasped, he needed to get some air in his lungs first, he couldn’t concentrate when someone touched him, and he had worked himself up enough to need some room. Louis started talking softly, telling him what they had been doing while they were out, “… And then Dan took Harry and Niall to get some lunch with Sandy and Jon. They promised to bring us something as well. Do you want some take out, too, I think they were going for pizza, or another smoothie?”

“S-smoothie” Liam said between shaky breaths.

“Yeah? The same as before or any requests for Harry?” Louis asked him and kept on asking irrelevant weird questions for a while, making him answer each question, no matter whether it made any sense or not. When the oldest asked, “Feeling better? Got yourself pretty worked up, huh?”

Liam frowned, he was breathing easier, his chest hurt, and his head was throbbing as well.

“Think you can handle a hug now?” Zayn asked again and Liam nodded before being wrapped in gentle hugs from both sides by Josh and Zayn. Louis got up from the floor and left the room silently. They released him again after a few moments of comforting him, but kept close, Josh keeping his arm around his back as well.

“M-my collarbone… h-hurts, a… a lot” Liam admitted after a while of them just sitting there again.

“Yeah, let me see if you can take some more meds for it already” Zayn was up and gone from his side quickly and Liam let himself lean more into Josh who had no problems resuming their previous position, taking advantage of the empty sofa this time as they stretched out over it. Zayn came back with the meds and some water, “Lou said you actually could have taken more a lot earlier, you need to tell us if you are hurting. Remember what Katie told you”

Liam nodded tiredly, not really listening as he took the meds before letting himself rest against Josh’s chest again. Josh rubbed a hand up and down his back in comforting circles and Liam let his eyes slip closed, not quite able to relax yet.

“It’s okay, Liam, you are okay. You are safe, you can sleep now” he said as well, in a soothing voice and soon Liam couldn’t fight again, falling asleep.

“You okay to stay there for a while?” Zayn asked Josh a little concerned, making Josh chuckle.

“Yeah, no problem, I’ll probably just take a nap as well”

“I think you are his favourite to fall asleep on right now” Zayn grinned, “I’ll check on the others. I think his sister was pretty upset and Karen, too. Let’s see if I can help Lou out in the kitchen”

“Sure, just keep your voices down if things get heated” Josh said, glancing down at the peacefully sleeping Liam.

“Sure” Zayn explained.

Josh could still hear them talk if he wanted to. Liam’s family seemed really upset at how closed up he was acting towards them while seeing how close he was to the boys at the same time. Louis and Zayn did well, though, explaining how it was confusing and different to Liam since they had been there when everything happened. His name also fell a few times and apparently Ruth was worried because neither of them knew the backing band that well and had no idea just how close they were. This made Josh smile, looking down at Liam, who had grown to be one of his best mates over the course of the last tour.

While the group in the kitchen was pretty quiet, nobody told their friends that and half an hour later, the door burst open and the rest of his band stormed inside the room with Harry, Niall, Lou and Katie in tow once again. Paul was walking behind them, shaking his head in amusement until Josh hissed at them angrily to be quiet. Liam was already moving, though, letting out a pained whimper and Josh talked softly to him until he seemed calm again. Josh wasn’t sure whether the younger one was actually back asleep though.

“What’s wrong?” Niall’s scared voice asked, he was on Sandy’s back, being carried around as Katie was carried by Jon as well. Lou, Harry, and Dan were just standing there looking unsure as well.

“Liam just got a little worked up while talking to his sister and mum. They are in the kitchen with Zayn and Louis” Josh said, trying to keep the tone as light as possible in case Liam was listening and to not upset Harry and Niall again. They had just started to stop worrying so much about their friend.

“Are Ruth and Karen okay?” Harry asked, seemingly concerned when Josh only could shrug. He just wasn’t sure. Harry went to the kitchen and Paul followed closely, shutting the door behind them both. Sandy and Jon both let Katie and Niall back to the floor.

Katie held up a takeout bag, “We got food for you guys. Are you hungry?”

Josh shook his head slowly, “Nah, bring it to the kitchen. The others were pretty hungry I think”

Katie disappeared into the kitchen now as well. Dan nudged Niall who still seemed unsure of the whole situation, glancing at Liam every now and then, “Want to continue our game?”

With that, Niall was occupied by his three other bandmates and a game of FIFA once again. Niall was easily distracted and therefore easily kept happy. A little while later Katie came back out of the kitchen, leaving the door open a little this time and Josh saw them all sitting at the table, talking softly and sadly to each other. Katie was balancing two plates with pizza on one arm and held a glass with a straw in the other. She set it all down in front of them, “Liam needs to eat something”

She told Josh to eat as well, so Liam wouldn’t feel weird about eating alone and handed him a plate before gently waking Liam up. The boy seemed unfocused and uncoordinated but with the help of Josh managed to sit up a little, even though they were still almost glued together.

“I know that you said it hurts to hold anything, but you need to try and eat more. I want both smoothie and pizza gone” she told Liam sternly, once she deemed him awake enough. Liam didn’t seem happy but reached out to take the glass with shaky hands as it was given to him. While Josh ate his pizza, Liam managed to drink half of the smoothie before trying to set it down on the table. His hands were shaking even worse now and it looked like it hurt Liam, so Josh reached out and took it from him, saying softly, “Careful, don’t hurt yourself”

He frowned at Liam who made no attempts in trying to eat more, instead just buried himself further beneath the blanket again. Josh wasn’t sure whether he should say something or not. He didn’t know whether Liam had eaten something that morning, but Katie sounded serious so probably not.

“Liam” he said in a little more serious tone, glancing towards Liam’s untouched plate. Liam shook his head, “Don’t want to”

“Katie will be mad” Josh commented, “And she’s the only one with actual medical knowledge so we should keep her around and happy”

“Please don’t make me” Liam just looked at him pleadingly and Josh cursed him a little. The younger boy knew exactly what he was doing to him with that look. Josh sighed instead of showing his frustration and gave up. Someone would notice eventually and say something. Not even ten minutes later, Louis and Katie were back in the living room, almost yelling at Liam.

Once they stopped, Liam stuttered out that he’d been feeling sick all morning and eating was just making it worse. He looked like he was ready to cry once again which made Josh wrap him in a tight hug again, “It’s okay, Li, they are not really mad”

Louis’ expression immediately softened again, and he sat on Liam’s other side, hugging him as well, “We’ll figure something out”

Katie did and Liam was not happy. Instead of the usual three times where they tried to make him eat, she was on him now every few hours, trying to increase the times he was eating instead of the amount.

After a little while Liam untangled himself from the blanket and moved to stand up, Josh stopped him worriedly, “What are you doing?”

Liam only said, “I’ll be right back” And then left to go to the bathroom, making Josh shake his head. Liam could have just said so instead of worrying him. When the injured singer came back out, he didn’t go back to the sofa, disappointing his friend just a little but went into the kitchen. Josh watched him as he sat down next to his sister, looking not very confident at all. Louis, Katie, and Paul were still in there but both Paul and Katie left after a few minutes, probably to give them some privacy. With Louis there he might feel a little safer to talk about certain things, which made Josh happy. He wanted Liam to be able to talk to his family about what bothers him, what hurts him and so on. He got up and joined his friends in the next round of their game in the meantime. Lou and Katie were just watching them as well as Paul did. Zayn who had left at some point without Josh noticing came back with his sketch book and a comic in his hands.

“Liam wanted to read it on tour, but I couldn’t find it” Zayn explained, setting it down on the table, “It was here all along”

Josh chuckled, “He’ll like having something to do at least”

“Exactly my thoughts” Zayn laughed.

“You think they are okay in there?” Josh nodded towards the closed kitchen door.

“Yeah, it’s just overwhelming for Liam, sometimes, you know?” Zayn told him, “Don’t worry so much”

“I just wish he didn’t have to go through all these things” Josh sighed.

Harry who was sitting next to Niall on the floor nodded, “None of us do, but Louis said we can’t try and act like nothing happened, earlier. Apparently, his therapist said he needs to deal with it whether he likes it or not or something like that”

“I think it was a little deeper and more professional than that, but the message is kind of the same” Lou laughed, pushing Harry teasingly. Louis came out of the kitchen a while later, closing the door behind himself and planting himself between Josh and Zayn on the sofa with an exhausted sigh.

“How’s it going in there?” Zayn asked looking concerned.

“Better than expected, Liam finally opened up a little, I think” Louis sighed, “It’s just so hard for Liam to show what he’s really thinking after all this time of hiding it”

Josh nodded, “I hate this, it usually is so easy to make Liam happy and I hate when he’s not smiling”

“Aw Joshi misses his sunshine” Sandy teased from the floor and earned himself a face full of pillow from Josh.

“I’m bored” Harry whined form the floor, “Let’s do something”

“I hate this game” Niall groaned as well now, throwing his controller onto the floor as he was just about to lose his next game as well. After arguing about what to do next, Niall and Sandy ran to get two guitars and drum sticks from Niall’s flat. After all they were musicians, right? The group just messed around for a while, jumping from melodies and songs to the other, with Niall and Dan playing his guitar and Josh messing around with his drum sticks on the table and floor a little, not really being serious.

A few hours later, the kitchen door opened and caught everyone’s attention. Liam came out with his mother and sister in tow, limping more heavily now than before, Josh noticed with a frown. The injured boy glared at his friends who had all been staring at him, making them look away and resume their previous activities. Josh still watched him, though, out of the corner of his eyes and he was sure, Louis and Zayn were as well. Liam accompanied his family to the door, talking to them softly before Ruth hugged him gently and the two women left, with Liam closing the door behind them.

Liam stood there for a few minutes, looking lost, then glanced at his friends who he knew were still watching him before turning away from them and slowly limping into Louis’ room again. Josh turned to look at Louis worriedly, trying to see whether the other was worried and Louis was already up and following Liam. Josh then looked over to Zayn whose eyes had been following Louis and Liam as well, looking concerned.

“Is everything okay?” Dan asked, looking slightly alarmed while Harry, Niall, Jon, and Sandy just seemed confused and of course worried, as always.

“I’m sure Liam just wants to rest a little” Katie assured them as Josh and Zayn didn’t answer. They knew that Liam had been scared to be alone before which worried them now that he went to be alone. Louis came back out of the room five minutes later, explaining, “He said he’s tired and wants to be alone”

Josh frowned at him while Zayn got up, grabbed the comic book he had brought over before and walked past Louis into the room. Liam was curled up on the bed, staring at the wall as Zayn entered, taking a second to react, “I told you-“

“It’s me” Zayn interrupted him, knowing that Liam thought Louis had come back, holding up the comic, “Thought you might want that, now that I found it finally”

Liam sat up slowly, frowning at him, before he realised what Zayn was holding, “No way”

“Told you I had it somewhere” Zayn grinned and gave it to him, “Enjoy”

“Thanks” Liam smiled at him widely as his eyes didn’t leave the comic. Zayn nodded and left the room again, with a soft smile and returned to the other lads.

“I take it he was happy about that stupid comic?” Louis raised his eyebrows at Zayn who smirked, “You’re just jealous that I got him to smile!”

“He smiled at me too, then told me to get the hell out” Louis shrugged, and Josh tried his best not to get jealous of that instead.

Once it was time for dinner, Katie and Niall took it upon themselves to get Liam out of the room he had been hiding away in. Only Katie had gone in there before to try and get him to eat something twice. It hadn’t really worked, judging by the scowl on her face every time she came back out, looking just slightly defeated. This time Sandy and Dan had decided to cook some rice and vegetables for them all, deciding that something healthy definitely was in order for them after all the pizza and pasta they had eaten during the last few days. Since there were too many people in the little flat, they split up, some sitting around the coffee table in the living room and the rest squeezing around the kitchen table.

Katie and Niall came to the kitchen alone, both frowning sadly.

Katie said, “He was definitely upset, just kept staring at that stupid comic and refused to come out”

“I just want to know what’s going on inside of his head sometimes” Louis sighed disappointedly, “He’s been so hot and cold today regarding everything”

“I think talking to Karen and Ruth was too much, so he needs his space now” Zayn just shrugged, “Just give him some time. I mean we can bring him some food; hope he eats and try again tomorrow”

“But they want to have him for a few hours, tomorrow as well. I think they want to go out for lunch or something” Louis shook his head, “If it goes just similar to today, we’ll have the same problem”

“Sometimes I feel like we are no help at all” Niall sighed, “I think he just worries about us all the time”

“Yeah” Louis seemed to agree as Zayn shook his head.

Harry argued, “Even if we can’t help all the time, I think we make things better, if you look at like the big picture”

Josh nodded, “I think you boys help him the most. He loves you, even if he sometimes needs space. I think he needs to learn how to deal with this on his own, too, you know. You can’t be with him all the time”

Louis glared at him while Zayn seemed to like his answer.

“You cancelled his therapy appointment, right? Maybe it will help if we set the next one up rather sooner than later” Niall suggested.

“She said we should wait until he heals a little and had time to process things, though” Josh said, “But she also said if he needs it, we could call still. I don’t know what’s the best in that case. What if it’s too early and we only stress him with that?”

“You should ask Liam, not decide without him” Katie interrupted their musings, “And then, if he’s open to it, maybe just call and ask her, she’ll know if it’s too early”

“Who wants to bring him some dinner and maybe bring that idea up?” Josh asked into the round, seemingly uncomfortable.

“I think you should, you and Louis are the only ones involved in his therapy and you’ve been scheduling everything” Harry told him with a shrug, “So, either you or Louis”

“He was upset because I tried to check on him earlier, so Niall is probably right, you’ve been his cuddle buddy today” Louis shrugged, and Josh sighed. He didn’t want to upset Liam with these questions, but still got up from his seat, getting Liam a plate and something to drink as well before disappearing into Louis’ room.

“Liam?” he knocked on the door before gently opening it and entering, not coming in before Liam had turned to look at him. Josh could see that Liam was upset. He had red rimmed eyes, tear tracks on his face and his eyes were wide, looking slightly panicked.

“M not hungry” Liam told him with a glare towards the plate.

“I know, but you still need to eat to stay alive and to heal” Josh said, setting it down on the nightstand. Liam was sitting in the middle of the bed cross legged, leaning over the open comic that was in his lap. Josh sat at the foot of the bed, opposite him and mirroring him. Liam ignored him, just staring down at the comic for a while. After a few minutes Josh noted softly, “You haven’t even turned the page”

Liam didn’t say anything, just sat there frozen.

“You don’t want to talk today anymore, do you?” Josh said slowly. Again, no reaction.

“That’s fine, you can just listen, then… When all this happened, I had to cancel your therapy appointment, because we wanted you to heal first but I think it might be better to go ahead and maybe set up another meeting”

Liam still didn’t say anything, but Josh saw him tense up a little.

“So, unless you really feel like you can’t, I’ll go ahead and set it up for you during the next few days” Josh said instead of asking for Liam’s approval. Liam turned the page of the comic this time which made Josh wonder whether he was okay with that or not.

“And I’m going to stay here for a while, don’t want you to be alone” Josh added with a little grin, “And I’ll maybe take a nap while you read, is that okay?”

Liam looked up at him with confused eyes which didn’t really help Josh much in trying to figure out what his friend was feeling, but he scooted up the bed, made Liam move a little before leaning into the pillows against the headboard without another word. He kept glancing at Liam for a while, the boy seemed to now be actively reading, turning the pages every now and then as he grew less tense his eyes scanning over the pages.

Josh decided to do another bold move and took the plate from the nightstand after a while, placing it on top of the comic in Liam’s lap without any comment. The boy flinched a little, not having realised that Josh had started to move around. Liam turned to frown at Josh who quickly closed his eyes, pretending to be asleep. When he peaked through his lidded eyes, he saw that Liam had picked up the fork. It didn’t feel as good to watch Liam eat as he had hoped though, because it obviously caused the boy pain.

“I’m sorry” Josh whispered softly after Liam had finished half the plate before his hand shook too much to continue, “When was the last time you took your pain meds? Wait, did you take any after Zayn gave you that last dose?”

Liam shook his head slowly and Josh cursed, “You are supposed to take them four times a day and the day is almost over and you only took two, Liam, no wonder you are in pain. I’ll get them”

Josh was out of the door before Liam could protest, closing the door behind himself. The other boys and girls were looking at him expectantly but he just shook his head, looking for Liam’s pain meds, before explaining, “He ate like half the plate but his hands are shaking too much from the pain to continue and he’s so fucking quiet again, only said two bloody words so far”

“Hey, wait up” Lou stopped him from getting back to Liam, making him scowl.

“No, seriously” the woman glared at him, “You need to take a deep breath and calm down, you’re upset”

“Of course, I am, Liam is going through hell and we can’t even make sure he’s taking his fucking pain meds or eating right” Josh told her angrily. She didn’t let him go back in, though until he took a few deep breaths and talked to her in a softer voice. While Josh knew why she was doing it, it still meant that Liam was in pain for longer each second, she kept him.

“Hey, sorry I took so long” Josh said as he entered the bedroom. Liam was still sitting where he had left him, only now a tear was rolling down his cheek. Once Liam took the pain meds, Josh said, “Come lay down with me”

Liam shook his head slowly.

“Why not?” Josh asked, pulling the plate and comic away from him.

“I’m r-reading” Liam protested, his voice rough and laced with tears.

“You can read while laying down, come on and relax, this can’t be comfortable with your collarbone or knee” Josh urged him again. Liam didn’t really react anymore, just let himself be pushed to lied down on the bed with Josh next to him who kept pushing him until Liam’s head was resting on his chest again.

“See, much better, right?” Josh smiled down at Liam, who turned to look up at him with a scowl, “Comic”

“Right” Josh rolled his eyes before handing over the comic to Liam who smiled slightly at that. The position was not the best to read in for Liam, the older boy had to admit after a while, taking the comic back from Liam with a grin, “Let me have a look”

“Josh” Liam protested again but the older boy held the comic so Liam could read on while he also could see the pages.

“Calm down and let me hold the stupid comic” Josh shook his head amusedly.

“S not stupid” Liam looked actually offended at that.

“Sorry, of course not. Since when you got as bad as Zayn at these comic things?” Josh asked him and Liam smiled a little at him.

“I mean, you used to like them yeah, but it never bothered you when Lou and I said they were stupid, and the movies are better” Josh continued with a little smirk.

“Always thought your opinion was stupid” Liam told him, a grin making its way on his face as Josh protested.

“Well, if you want to convince me otherwise you got to let me read along with you” Josh shrugged then, and Liam agreed with a slow nod. Josh was faster at reading apparently since he always tried to turn the page when Liam wasn’t ready yet.

“Stop stressing me” Liam glared at him after a while.

“I thought you read fast, Li” Josh teased.

“I’m tired, okay” Liam seemed upset at that and Josh apologised, before adding, “You want me to read it out loud?”

“No, I can read” Liam shook his head slowly.

“Yeah, everyone knows you can, but that doesn’t mean you need to” Josh chuckled a little at Liam’s confused face and was surprised when Liam muttered, “Fine”

Josh started to read out loud the little description boxes and bubbles, enacting the scenes with his voice, which made Liam giggle a few times. By the time they had reached the end of the comic, the room was almost dark and at one point, Josh had to turn on the bedside lamp to actually keep reading. Not long after they were finished, and Liam was smiling softly as he was lying against Josh’s side.

“Did the meds work?” Josh asked softly into the silence and earned a relaxed nod, “Good”

“Josh?”

The older boy looked down at Liam questioningly.

“Thanks” Liam was barely even whispering as he said that and then quickly closed his eyes.

“Always, Liam” Josh smiled at him, “What do you want to do now?”

“Not move” Liam chuckled, his eyes flying open with a grin again.

“You wouldn’t happen to be hungry, would you?” Josh tried to shoot his shot at this topic again and to his surprise Liam nodded.

“Seriously?” Josh sat up surprised, feeling almost sorry, that he disturbed Liam who groaned at being pulled up as well.

“Any requests?” Josh asked, without waiting for an answer.

“Calm down” Liam sighed, rubbing at his eyes with his injured left arm, “Just let me finish the rest from before”

Right, Josh thought, he still had half his plate from dinner left. He handed it to Liam who ate it slowly but managed to finish it. Instead of watching Liam do so, Josh picked up the comic again and just flipped through it until he was done.

“If you are still hungry you could get another smoothie, which would make both Harry and Katie more than happy” Josh suggested as well but Liam shook his head. That was enough for now.

“Have you been on twitter lately?” Liam’s question startled Josh who nodded, “Why?”

“I want to know what people are saying, but at the same time I don’t” Liam explained slowly, his eyes growing a little sad, “It’s stupid”

“Nah, it’s not. It’s normal, you are just curious but since there are a lot of idiots out there you also should be careful” Josh shrugged, “But for what it’s worth, I’ve mostly seen good things, like really good. Fans are just worried because it’s gotten so quiet around you, but no one is mad or anything. A lot of confusion about your management and stuff, but yeah, that will go away”

Liam sighed, seemingly not entirely happy with that answer.

“You want to have a look now? We could check the comments on the interview the other boys did, you haven’t seen it, right?” Josh suggested.

“It’s already out?”

“Yeah, only a few hours after they shot it” Josh nodded, “It was good”

“Yeah, okay” while Liam felt nervous, he knew he’d be okay with Josh by his side, even if there were some bad comments on there. Josh got up and left the room to grab one of the other boys’ iPad, evading the questions from the group as he hurried back to Liam. They looked up the video on YouTube and before starting it, Josh noted, “Look, the first comment says they love you and look how many likes it has”

Liam smiled softly at him and nodded, so Josh started the video. It started out with the host explaining the situation shortly before announcing his band mates. The screen was split and the camera started to show Louis and Harry as they were standing in front of the camera, only their legs visible and you could hear them bicker, with other voices in the background. After a few seconds they were seated, and Louis apologised with his wide trademark grin. After exchanging a few words with the host, the man asked, “So, boys, can you tell me how Liam is doing? We know he got hurt in this whole incident and everyone, especially the fans are worried”

Harry smiled, “He’s doing okay considering everything. I mean he is hurt and resting right now, but he will be okay”

“Yeah” Louis nodded, “He’s with some of our friends in the other room, actually, eating dinner, I think”

“I made dinner!” Harry said happily, bouncing up and down in his seat.

Liam laughed out loud at that which made Josh smile since that was the first reaction he had given.

“Oh, you are together, all five of you? Would you think Liam would mind saying hello to the fans?” the host took an opportunity when he saw it and while Louis was ready to decline, Harry shrugged, “We can ask if he’s up for it”

Liam smiled again as Louis sent Harry a glare which was obvious, but Liam didn’t mind. He liked it that Louis was so protective sometimes even if it could get annoying. Louis left the frame, but you could still hear him talk. Liam giggled again as the video went on, with Harry showing their friends in the room before going over to where Liam was.

“Shit” Liam said slowly as he reached up to stop the video once he was in the frame. Josh watched Liam who seemed to look at himself closely.

“Why did you let me be on camera?” Liam asked, sounding shocked, “You can’t show that on tv! Like… look at what Katie was doing, that’s gross and I look horrible, like… there’s kids watching that! Like… why are they… I don’t”

Josh looked at him concerned, “What is the problem? I don’t get it”

“You should have made me put on a shirt at least or covered the stitches!” Liam told him with wide eyes. Josh wasn’t sure whether Liam was just surprised or offended now.

“I can barely look at my arm without wanting to throw up, why would someone show that? They didn’t even blur it!”

Josh laughed, suddenly, “Oh, that’s the problem, well, we didn’t really think about it and if they didn’t blur it, it’s their fault, not ours or yours”

“Still, a shirt would have been good. There’s a lot more bruises than I thought…” Liam said thoughtfully, glancing down at himself, as if he was looking right through his shirt.

“It’s not that bad” Josh said, “But if it makes you uncomfortable, I’m sorry and we will do better about this stuff. It just slipped our mind that you weren’t wearing a shirt and it didn’t really click that what Harry was filming would be on tv as well”

“It’s okay…” Liam sighed, “It’s just weird… it looks… bad”

“It is bad” Josh nodded.

“I don’t want anyone to see that though”

“Oaky, sorry, we shouldn’t have let that happen. That’s on us”

“It’s fine now, they already have seen it, so it doesn’t matter anymore” Liam shrugged.

“It does matter”

Liam just started the rest of the video. They watched on and Liam seemed to get even more quiet than he was before, when he listened to Harry and Louis explain what happened. Harry got pretty emotional when he talked about how they found Liam while Louis sounded overly proud when he said how Liam had fought them off and gotten help even though he had been injured before. The management-question they were asked near the end of the video made them uncomfortable and Niall who had been quiet the whole time, out of frame spoke up. He started to talk but Louis shook his head, “If you want to say something get over here so they can see you”

Niall squeezed himself between Harry and Louis after that. The boy was pale, looking upset, even more than Harry and explained, “We just weren’t safe. Like… things have been bad with that team for a while and we were literally scared of them, even of Simon and I know we are going to get in trouble for this, but it just was too much. They didn’t let us have any days off really, we couldn’t see our families and when Liam and I got hurt first… we had to get back on tour, even though it was bad… they tried to force me to play the guitar even though it could mess up my wrist for good and we had to… like really fight for me to get one week off. Which is ridiculous, it was just playing the dumb guitar… and Liam… they did a lot worse with him and since Liam always wanted to make everyone happy, he just went along with it and we couldn’t… we just couldn’t do that anymore.”

Niall looked ready to cry and it made Liam feel emotional as well.

Harry added to that, sounding deep in thoughts, “We… uh, we were scheduled to have this stupid photo shoot, like, while Niall was still in a cast and we were confused. Because they had tried to ignore their injuries for so long and they tried to make Liam take off his sling, that he isn’t even allowed to take off to sleep, not even now, weeks after, and tried to hide Niall’s cast. It was a really bad day and…”

“It ended with me crying” Niall said, “Liam too”

“Yeah, same” Harry sighed, “We just couldn’t continue like that. We are people, too, you know?”

“Before these two start crying again, I think that’s all we have to say to that. Simon and modest have their own opinions and their side, which they are entitled to, but this is ours and we couldn’t continue with them” Louis concluded the question.

After a little more small talk, questions about their future plans and well wishes, the interview was over.

“So, what do you think?” Josh asked after Liam didn’t say anything first, “Did they say anything wrong?”

“Simon hates us now, doesn’t he?” Liam asked softly, his eyes sad as he looked at Josh.

“I think… probably, yeah, but the thing is…” Josh took a moment to think about this, “I don’t think he ever really cared about you guys beyond the band making him money. He said he did, and I get why you care about this or thought he had your best interests at heart for a while. But right now, I don’t think he really cares how you are feeling and that’s why you should let him go, let him be angry and go on with your life despite it”

“I just feel guilty… we went behind his back”

“He hurt you guys”

“Still, that doesn’t mean we should hurt him back”

“He’d have hurt you worse if you had been open. Which makes this more like self-defence, really” Josh argued, and it seemed like Liam had no argument against that.

“Do you still feel like reading the comments?” Josh asked him, “It’s fine if you don’t, we can do that tomorrow”

“No, I want to” Liam shook his head.

Josh nodded and scrolled down, they read the first few, which were just standard nice comments about fans loving the boys and wishing Liam to get better soon. It was followed by angry comments, that were directed at Michael, Jason, and Simon. Another few commented on how Liam looked.

“See, they are disgusted with me!” Liam called out, pointing at a comment.

“They are not disgusted with you but with what happened to you, there’s a difference, Liam. It says that the bruises and injuries look horrible and are hard to see, followed by hate against the people who did it. They love you; Li and they just don’t want to see you hurt” Josh explained, “Look, they are just worried”

The next comment they read commented on how emotional Harry and Niall had seemed and suggested that Liam was off way worse to warrant these emotions. Liam shook his head in disbelief when Josh pointed it out, trying to support his earlier words.

Josh was just glad that they didn’t find any hateful comments for now and just shut the iPad off after a while.

“That’s enough for now, don’t you think?”

Liam nodded and let his head drop down against his chest again, having had held it up a little while looking at the video. They continued to talk for a little while until the door to the room opened after a soft knock and Jon peeked inside sheepishly, “Hey, we are leaving, Josh, you coming?”

“Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute” Josh nodded, feeling Liam squeeze him a little. With the door closed Josh said, “Will you be okay if I leave now or will you start yelling at Louis again?”

Liam shook his head, “I won’t yell”

“Okay, I’ll come by tomorrow and set up that appointment for you” Josh said as he slowly sat up as Liam pulled away from him, laying down on his back on the bed, looking unhappy, but not protesting.

“Can you see if Louis and Zayn are there?” Liam asked, not meeting Josh’s eyes.

“Sure, I’ll send them in” Josh promised before leaving the room quietly. He was met with a thousand questions and answered them all patiently, informing them proudly about how Liam had even been hungry as well. He also mentioned that Liam had wanted to see the video and that they had talked about therapy as well.

“He asked for you two, though, I think he doesn’t want space anymore but hugs” Josh said. But then he was pulled out of the room by his bandmates and only Louis, Zayn, Niall, and Harry were left alone again.

“Can we all just sit together and watch a movie, like… just us together?” Niall asked with a soft unsure voice. He had fun with the others, but he missed being around Liam and the other three as well. He hadn’t seen or spoken to Liam in a while and it scared him, having basically only talked to Harry and Sandy or Dan.

“Let us check on Liam first and you guys set it up and get some snacks, I’m hungry” Louis said, before pulling Zayn along to his room. Liam was sitting on the edge of the room, his feet barely touching the floor as he looked up to see his friends enter.

“Did you read the comic, yet?” Zayn asked, picking it up from the bed and flipping through it as he sat down next to Liam.

“Yeah, it’s really amazing, you were right” Liam smiled, “I think Josh liked it, too”

“You both read it?” Louis asked looking less amused than Zayn, “Josh is such a traitor”

“He read it to me cause I got tired” Liam explained, which made Louis nod in understanding, “Alright, that’s just half as bad. Still a traitor, though”

Zayn laughed, “Niall wants to watch a movie with us, how do you feel about that?”

While Liam didn’t look to keen on that, he nodded, “Okay”

“If you are tired, you can just stay and go to bed, it’s fine” Louis told him though, before helping him up as Liam shook his head again.

“I might fall asleep during the movie though” Liam warned them as they left the room, he was still limping heavily on which Zayn commented.

“I don’t know, just feels stiff… I have just been laying around as well” Liam sighed.

Louis smiled, “We’ll just keep an eye on it and if it’s worse tomorrow we’ll call Katie”

Niall and Harry were already cuddled up beneath blankets on the sofa with a variation of drinks, tea, and snacks on the table. Zayn pushed him between the two youngest band members onto the sofa as he sat on the floor next to where Harry was sitting, leaning against the sofa himself. Louis took the armchair as he shook his head at Niall who had immediately planted himself against Liam, cuddling him. The five of them watched a movie, which made them all laugh and joke around as well. They ate snacks and cuddled with each other until it was over and even then, they fell into a comfortable conversation that only ended when Harry involuntarily let out a big yawn.

“I think it’s time for bed now” Zayn commented, getting up from the floor.

“Can I stay with you, tonight, Liam?” Niall asked the older boy, who nodded slowly, “Sure”

Harry and Zayn went to his room while Louis led Niall and Liam to his own.

The next morning Liam was once again the first awake. He had woken up a few times during the night, feeling anxious and uncomfortable and he had barely gotten any rest. It wasn’t too bad, though as he hadn’t done much the day before and he probably could take a nap during the day again, he decided. Liam managed to wiggle out from under Niall without too much trouble and went to the bathroom. He really felt like taking a shower but wasn’t sure whether it was a good idea. Feeling like taking a risk that morning, Liam just did it anyways. While he tried to keep his stitches away from the water it still burned and throbbed when he didn’t quite manage to do so and with his knee still unable to support his full weight, he had a few close calls with the slippery shower floor. Having grabbed some of Louis’ clothes before, he got dressed as he felt exhaustion settling in already and sat down on the closed toilet seat to take a moment to breathe once he had his pants on. His right arm felt weak and hurt as he barely could lift his arm himself or hold it up without the sling. He had taken off his bandages as well and needed to redress them but there was no way he could do that by himself, he realised as he couldn’t even put on his sling on his own. Frustrated, he let the sling drop to the floor and fought against the angry tears behind his eyes. He had been doing so good before all this and now he was back at the beginning, unable to do the easiest tasks himself. Liam should get up and wake one of the other lads, he really should, but it didn’t sound good to move as he had just more than once put too much pressure on his knee or twisted it as he had almost slipped in the shower. Getting up just sounded too painful at the moment.

But he couldn’t just sit around there either, Liam sighed loudly. It had been early when he got up and he knew his bandmates liked to sleep in. Despite his pain and the protest of his sore body, Liam got back to his feet, then had to lean down to pick up the sling he had dropped before, cursing himself. The whole movement made him feel quite dizzy, though, so he sat back down, sling in hand. The dark spots were dancing in front of his eyes even moments later which scared him.

“Louis” he called out, at least he tried to, but he knew he sounded pathetic, weak at the least and stopped himself from doing so again. He just had to wait a little while until he was feeling better and could stand up again. It was okay. He just had to wait.

It wasn’t okay. He sat there for what felt like forever, tears running down his face and after a while, when he realised he really was trapped there, afraid to get hurt worse if he stood up, sobs wracked his body.

“Louis! Louis! Wake up!” Niall’s voice made Liam flinch violently, the older boy hadn’t even realised that the door to the bathroom had been opened and Niall was kneeling in front of him seconds later, asking a thousand and one questions that Liam didn’t know how to answer.

“Louis, bloody hell!” Niall cursed, getting back up and running out of the room.

Next thing Liam knew, Zayn and Louis were in front of him. Louis was taking his sling from him and gently started putting it on him as Zayn took a hold of his left arm, holding it gently, talking softly. Liam whimpered in pain as Louis took his right arm and manipulated it into the position it needed to be.

“What happened, love?” Louis asked once he was finished with his task.

Liam struggled to breathe and form the words, but managed, “S-showered and then… I couldn’t-couldn’t do it… and g-got really d-dizzy. I-I c-couldn’t stand… up”

“Let’s redress these” Zayn said softly as he got up to find some bandages for his wounds. Louis and him both worked calmly at the same time, each dressing one wound with Zayn checking on his knee as well.

“Are you still dizzy?” Louis asked him afterwards looking concerned.

“D-don’t feel good” was all Liam admitted to, though.

“Think you can stand up now, if we help you?” Zayn asked, still holding onto Liam’s left arm.

“I don’t know” Liam said shakily.

“We’ve got you, love, it’s okay” Louis said softly, before pushing Zayn out of the way gently, “I’ll pick you up and carry you to bed and then we’ll see what we can do to make you feel better”

Liam nodded slowly, which Zayn took as another reason to worry since Liam usually liked to protest these things. Louis set Liam on his bed gently and Zayn moved to cover him gently before sitting down next to him, opposite Louis. They had told Harry and Niall to stay out of the room for now, luckily. Liam would just feel guilty again if he saw how upset they were about this. It had scared Niall, who had been half asleep still when he found Liam.

“Did you take any meds, yet?” Louis asked softly and Liam shook his head. Zayn grabbed it off the nightstand and tried to get Liam to take it. His hands were shaking too badly though, and Louis ended up having to help him hold the water bottle. Both of the older boys knew that it frustrated Liam even worse that he couldn’t do that. Once that was done, Zayn asked, “Do you know why you got dizzy? Did something happen?”

Liam whimpered a soft, “No”

“Okay, so you took a shower, which you should have told us about by the way” Louis scolded playfully, “And then you got dizzy while trying to get dressed?”

Liam nodded, before explaining, “I didn’t feel good when I got out but I tried to get dressed but I couldn’t… couldn’t finish and then I tried to get up and wake someone but I got dizzy when I tried to pick up my sling”

“How long were you in the bathroom, do you know that?” Zayn wanted to know but Liam shook his head.

There was a soft knock on the door and Ruth appeared as it opened, “What’s going on? Why are the other two so upset?”

Louis sighed, glancing at Liam, before explaining, “Liam took a shower and got a little dizzy while we were asleep. He’s not feeling too well right now”

Ruth seemed worried as she came into the room and joined the three boys on the bed, sitting next to Louis carefully, “Mum and I brought some breakfast over if you are hungry later”

“I’ll check on Harry and Niall, you guys okay here?” Zayn asked Liam who nodded slowly before glancing at Louis who nodded as well. Ruth took his place once he was gone, softly calling her brother’s name.

“I’m okay” came the automated response from Liam.

“No, the truth, like we agreed yesterday” Ruth shook her head slowly, trying to hide her disappointment.

“I don’t know” Liam cried desperately, “I don’t know”

“You know that’s okay, too, Liam, to not know what is going on” Ruth told him softly, “I just need you to be honest”

Liam tried to hide away from her and Louis though, feeling embarrassed about his emotional outburst and the whole incident itself.

“Liam, stop that, you are okay, no need to work yourself up again” Louis told him sternly. Liam seemed to listen to him as he didn’t try to hide anymore even though he still had trouble keeping his tears in and breathing calmly. Louis waited for a little while, before saying, “We should get some breakfast. Do you think you can stand up now without getting dizzy?”

“Maybe” Liam said slowly, and Louis nodded, getting up and slowly helping Liam stand up, who didn’t seem too sure on his feet, hands trembling and voice shaking. Ruth hovered close by and got the door for them as Louis stayed within arm’s reach one arm around Liam’s back as a steady comfort.

Karen and Zayn were both in the kitchen making tea and setting the table for breakfast where Harry and Niall were both already seated, talking over each other. Karen stopped when the door opened to look at her children in concern while the others carried on. Louis had Liam sit down next to Harry who smiled at their friend widely before he went to help Karen and Zayn with breakfast. Ruth sat next to her brother, closer than usual.

When Harry gave him another glass with a smoothie, Liam didn’t really think about it before he drank as the others started their usual breakfast. He didn’t have to use his arms or move much at all, which was good. While he was doing so, he also didn’t feel like listening in to the conversations around him.

Liam looked up when his name was called, though, looking confused at Louis who laughed and pointed towards his mother, who apparently had been trying to get his attention.

Zayn asked, “Did you hear anything we were just talking about?”

Liam shook his head slowly; he hadn’t paid any attention to them.

“We were talking about you” Ruth said, “We are thinking about calling Dr. Mills back home, to get his opinion”

Liam frowned, “On what?”

“You, Liam, he knows you best and you haven’t been feeling well the last few days” his mother added, “And I’ve been worrying about all the medication you’ve been prescribed in the last few weeks as well”

“Me too” Liam softly admitted, letting his gaze drop to the table slowly. He always worried about his one kidney, especially when he was on new medications.

“I’ll call his office after breakfast and see what he thinks” his mother nodded with a soft smile.

Liam returned the smile as well even though the whole situation made him nervous. After he ate some toast as well, Liam felt a lot better after breakfast even though he really didn’t feel like going out with his sister and mum like they had planned to for lunch. Fortunately, he had a little time before then, and they all sat around in the living room again. Him, Ruth, and Louis were talking while Niall seemed to be about to fall back asleep. Zayn was near the window drawing again and Harry had his nose buried in yet another book.

“Liam” his mother called from the kitchen where she was holding her phone, looking worried, “He wants you to come in, today, if possible”

Liam groaned, throwing his head back in frustration. He didn’t want to.

“If you don’t feel up to it…”

“No, it’s fine” Liam answered slowly, feeling anything but fine about the whole situation, the anxiety already making him feel sick.

“Oh, while we are at it” Harry spoke up, “Josh texted, your therapy appointment is tomorrow. But in person this time, she’ll be coming here, well, to your flat”

“Are you trying to make me freak out again?” Liam muttered, sending a rather soft and sad glare to Harry, taking a deep breath after. He felt a little overwhelmed.

Either way, half an hour later he was trying to change in some more appropriate clothes for the outside world. Exchanging his shorts and shirt for sweatpants and a hoodie which he didn’t know who they belonged to. Since living all together on tour and now in one flat, neither knew which belonged to who anymore. He could hear Niall, Harry, Ruth, and Zayn fight over who was allowed to come with him. It was clear that his mother would be there from the beginning, but since they all couldn’t come along there was a fight who else he was going to take. Louis said that it should be Ruth, telling his bandmates to let it go and Liam sighed. He didn’t know how he felt about that but luckily, he was in the other room only listening, so they couldn’t see or analyse his reaction.

“Great, I’m driving” Ruth called out triumphantly.

“Paul is driving you” Zayn shook his head, “Just in case. Fans have been crazy in London lately and they are fast”

“You guys are no fun” Ruth pouted but didn’t seem really upset.

Meanwhile Harry had come to look for Liam, asking, “Hey, you done or need any help?”

Liam shook his head slowly and followed him out of the door. He had finished getting dressed but not been ready to face everyone yet. Liam was anxious and nervous to actually leave the flat which he hadn’t done since he had gotten hurt again. He didn’t want anyone to see him like this, yet and it actually scared him for some reason to go outside. On their way to the car, they didn’t run into any people, only met Paul on the way and then sat in the car for forty minutes. The office was just outside of London and Liam’s stomach twisted in knots the closer they got. He hated this part. He hated it so much.

“C-can we not talk about this until we are back home?” was the only thing Liam asked once they left the office over an hour later again. Liam didn’t know whether to be angry or scared. His mother was definitely upset, and Ruth looked angrier than anything at him.

“Fine, but we are getting lunch before getting back and you’ll damn well eat something” Ruth snipped at him. Liam just nodded as they got in the car together, feeling Paul’s concerned eyes on him. They ended up at a small, cute café and Liam couldn’t help the nerves creeping up on him. He had to watch the door the whole time, making sure to look at everyone coming in. Rationally he knew no one would come in and hurt him but there still was this underlying fear, making him jump every time someone entered or did something, he didn’t expect even though there were only a handful of people inside.

He felt sick and scared and the sandwich in front of him looked everything but appetising to him at the moment. Ruth and his mother were looking at him expectantly, though, which just stressed him even more. He just couldn’t eat anything, feeling like he’d throw up the second he did. Instead he took a few sips of his tea, hoping it would maybe calm his stomach or his nerves. Instead it made him want to throw up even more.

He listened to his sister talk to his mother for a while, really trying to follow along and participate but it was just too hard.

“C-can we go?” Liam asked, grabbing their attention at some point, he had no idea how long they had been there. He could feel their eyes on them as he looked at his untouched plate. He heard the ring of the door opening again and quickly looked up, seeing a young couple enter and he breathed out a sigh of relief.

“Please?” he added as he had not gotten an answer, still.

Ruth sounded weird when she answered, “Yeah, okay, why don’t you go ahead with mum to the car while I pay”

Liam nodded slowly, waiting for his mother to stand up before he followed slower. Paul was surprised to see them back this quickly, when they walked back to the car, but opened the door for them without another word. He heard his mother talk to Paul but couldn’t focus on the words as he tried to take a few calming breaths in the car where he felt much safer than at the restaurant with Paul just outside the door.

“Liam” Ruth was trying to get his attention again. When had she come back?

“You need to calm down” she told him next and Liam already knew that. He was pulling at his hoodie and trying to get himself to take a deep breath again. It hurt but he managed somehow.

“What just happened, Liam?” his mother seemed worried, but Liam just shook his head, still focused on his breathing. They didn’t ask any more questions, which gave Liam the room to focus on himself and breathe for a few minutes.

Liam was the first one out of the car back at their flats, not even looking back to see whether the rest was following or not. Instead of going back to Louis’ and Harry’s flat, he walked to his own and entered, ignoring the confused questions from Ruth and Paul. Once he was inside his bedroom, he locked the door before finally taking in a deep relieved breath and leaning against the floor. Slowly he sunk to the floor as he started sobbing uncontrollably. He didn’t want to feel this way anymore.

Outside the door there was pounding and yelling going on as Paul and his family tried to get him to open the door and talk to him. Liam didn’t even recognise that. At some point Paul managed to get the door unlocked and pushed it open, carefully as he realised that he was pushing against something. Ruth managed to slip into the room first, kneeling down next to her little brother. Liam scrambled to get away from her, moving to the corner of the room as she tried to touch him.

“I… I think we n-need to call Louis?” she looked up at Paul and her mother with sad eyes and the man nodded, immediately trying to get a hold of the other boys. The man asked only Louis to come down to Liam’s flat without really explaining why. They definitely didn’t need five upset boys at the moment which would only aggregate Liam more. Paul waited at the front door and raised his eyebrow when he saw both Josh and Louis come his way.

“I ran into him on my way down” Louis explained, “What’s going on?”

“We don’t know. He was fine until they came back from lunch, I think” Paul sighed.

Louis and Josh joined Ruth on the floor as Louis tried to get Liam’s attention, going through their usual play of trying to calm him down. Niall was the best at this, when Liam didn’t want to be touched and didn’t seem to be hearing them, he could get through to them. This time it took forever until Liam finally acknowledged Louis and then even reached out to him.

Louis held him close, tried to get him to take a deep breath and calm him, but it didn’t work, instead he felt Liam go limp in his arms once again and looked at Josh with tears in his eyes.

“Fuck” Louis breathed out slowly, trying to remain level-headed, before getting Josh to help him carry Liam to his bed.

“Stay with him, he’ll have a massive headache when he wakes up, again” Louis told Josh before grabbing a hold of Ruth’s arm, pulling her out of the door to Liam’s living room.

“What is going on?” Karen asked, looking emotional.

“That’s what I was going to ask you” Louis said, “He had a panic attack and passed out is what I know”

“He passed out?” Karen asked slowly.

“Yeah, happened before, usually only when really bad things happen, though” Louis explained.

“We were eating lunch and he didn’t even try to eat but after initially asking him to, we didn’t push, because he seemed really quiet after what the doctor said and then he suddenly wanted to leave. It looked like he was really upset, so we did leave. He didn’t say a word in the car and just came here and locked himself in his room” Ruth told him, “I don’t know what got him so upset, though”

“He kept looking to the door in the restaurant, I think he was scared something was going to happen” Karen said softly, “But he just wouldn’t talk to us”

“Great…” Louis muttered sarcastically, “I don’t know what to do about that. Sounds like he got scared, panicked and worked himself into a panic attack on the way back”

“If one of you had been there it wouldn’t have happened” Ruth sighed, feeling guilty.

“That is not true. Sometimes he doesn’t talk to us either and it’s ended like today on a few occasions” Louis shook his head, “He just needs to get used to you guys being there emotionally as well”

“Paul” Josh appeared in the doorway to Liam’s room, “Could you grab Liam’s pain meds for us and maybe fill the others in?”

“Yeah, they’re probably worried, just tell them to stay in our flat” Louis added.

Paul nodded and left the flat while Josh disappeared again and Karen sat down on the sofa, looking desperate and upset.

“We should probably talk to his therapist about that… I don’t think it’s healthy for him to keep passing out and have panic attacks, not just like mentally unhealthy” Louis sighed.

“It’s bloody scary” Ruth said, “He just fucking stopped, I thought for a second he stopped breathing or something”

“Yeah, I almost had a panic attack myself the first time it happened” Louis nodded, “We are pretty good at calming him down now, but this was too late. Niall is good when he refuses to let someone hug him. Zayn and I can deal with it if he lets us get close enough to actually comfort him, but… nothing works sometimes”

“You need to tell us how” Karen said, looking at Louis, “How to see when he gets scared and what to do when he starts panicking”

“Yeah, we can do that later or tomorrow when he’s in therapy. Niall should tell you, he is really good, showed us all. He can explain it best, because he can get panic attacks as well with his claustrophobia” Louis said.

“Louis!” Josh interrupted their conversation with a soft yell. It wasn’t really loud, just enough to grab the attention of the other boy. Louis went to the room and saw that Josh was holding Liam who was awake now.

“That was fast” Louis muttered confused as he went to the bed as well. Liam was crying again, seemingly on his way to another panic attack.

“Liam, love” Louis said gently. Liam was sitting between Josh’s legs, leaning back against the other boy, face hidden against the older boy’s neck. Louis sat by his side and rubbed his back gently, trying to calm him with soothing words.

“Louis” was the first thing Liam said after a while.

“Yeah, I’m here, what’s wrong, Li?” Louis asked in a whisper.

“I c-can’t” Liam replied, and it made his friends frown. They had no idea what he was talking about.

“It hurts” Liam cried, “I can’t stop… t-thinking”

“What are you thinking?” Josh asked him.

“T-they are going to come back… it’s going to happen again” Liam managed to say under great effort.

“They are in jail; they won’t hurt you” Louis told him.

Liam let out a scowl, “I know that I do… but I don’t… I can’t… I’m not going outside again”

“Liam” Josh said disappointedly, shaking his head, “You can’t just-“

“No” Liam replied, interrupting him, “I can’t”

“You wouldn’t have to be alone, Liam, nothing will happen” Louis said, “But you need to start dealing with this, you can’t hide away like this and you definitely can’t just bottle up what you are feeling until you pass out in another panic attack”

Liam pressed his eyes together, not in the mood to talk anymore, turning away from Louis a little. The door to the room opened again and revealed Harry, Niall and Zayn who all ignored Louis’ angry glare as they all just climbed onto the bed and tried to get as close as possible to Liam for a cuddle. It ended with them laying all over each other in a heap of bodies.

“You were supposed to stay in our flat” Louis said, not able to really be angry as Liam seemed to relax into the touch of their friends.

“You can’t just leave us out like that, Lou” Niall told him gently, “We want to help”

“Just don’t hurt him, there’s too many in here now” Louis said with another shake of his head.

Meanwhile Josh had taken a closer look at Liam, reaching down to wipe away a few tears, “You just stopped crying, what’s wrong now, Li?”

Liam just whimpered at him.

“Look at me, babe” Zayn said gently and when Liam barely managed to get his eyes open, he nodded, “Another headache?”

Liam nodded slowly and Harry got out of the bed again returning with some water and pain meds.

Louis and Josh had both their arms around Liam as he shakily sat up to take them.

Liam felt weak and exhausted as he settled back against Josh’s chest, everything hurt, not just his head and he wanted nothing more than to hide beneath the blankets and never leave his bed again. Facing people and all the anxiety that came with it, just wasn’t something he ever wanted to do again.

He didn’t know how long they all just sat there until Ruth entered the room, looking concerned, “Are you guys okay? Do you need anything?”

“We are fine” Zayn told her with a smile, “Don’t worry”

“It’s a little late for that, after everything today” Ruth almost chuckled.

“What did the doctor say by the way, are his kidneys fine and everything?” Louis wanted to know, glancing at Liam who was tensing up. They all knew that Liam never willingly would answer this question.

“Right, that’s another thing we might want to talk about later” Ruth replied, eyes widening, “Almost forgot about that”

“No, it’s fine” Liam protested weakly, not even opening his eyes, or moving at all.

“You made us promise to not talk about this until we are back here and that was more than fine, but this needs to be addressed” Ruth just said, “You just scared the hell out of us, Liam, after you promised you’d talk to us yesterday. We can’t keep pretending that everything is fine when you are not, you are far from it and need to accept that”

“I don’t want to” Liam simply said.

“Well, we still have to address what the doctor said” Ruth told him, “I think the boys deserve to know that”

“What is going on? You guys are starting to scare me?” Niall spoke up, looking thoroughly upset.

“Apparently Liam is starving himself. His dizzy spell this morning wasn’t the first, just the worst that scared him enough to freak him out” Ruth started, and Liam interrupted, “I’m not-“

“No, you are, though. Even if it’s not intentional” Ruth shook her head, “Apart from barely eating the last few days he hasn’t been eating right over the last few months as well. He’s lost a lot of fucking weight and is on the edge of being malnourished. We were advised to get in touch with a nutritionist”

“What?” Zayn called out, looking furious as he turned to Liam while the other boys were just shocked and concerned.

“But he’s been eating with us all the time” Niall said slowly.

“Not enough” Ruth said, “I don’t know what or how you schedule your meals and stuff, but Liam has been skipping them or something”

“Bloody hell, Liam, why can’t you talk to us about that?” Zayn addressed Liam who flinched but looked up at Zayn with wide scared eyes.

“Calm down, Z, I don’t think now is the time to get upset” Louis told him a little sternly, “We’ll have to talk about this, but later, okay?” Zayn looked unhappy but did back off.

Louis somehow convinced Harry and Niall to leave and go back to their flat, telling them to figure something out for dinner, even though it was quite early. Once they were gone, Liam spoke up, “C-can I be alone?”

“No” the three other boys agreed.

“Definitely not” Louis said, “This morning you were alone, and it ended pretty bad, you weren’t even alone when you guys were outside, and it still ended with you passing out. At least one of us stays with you, you can chose who if you want, but you are not staying alone”

Liam protested, trying to convince them he was okay, but in the end relented, only stating, that he wouldn’t chose.

“Well, since Josh only is here for a few hours, he’ll stay and we’ll come and get you for dinner later” Louis told him, “Call if you need anything and Ruth and Karen are just outside as well”

“Yeah, I know” Josh nodded, “We’ll be okay, don’t worry. You got any other comic laying around you might wanted to read?”

Liam mumbled, “No”

“I’ll drop a few off with you guys to keep you busy” Zayn offered, “He’s been working his way through my collection during the tour”

“Great” Josh smiled, and Liam didn’t seem put off by that idea either.

Liam was glad when it was only Josh and him after Zayn had returned with a few of his comics before Louis had left with him again. It had all been overwhelming when Ruth had opened yet another bag of things to deal with before he had even attempted to move past his panic attack. Josh just let Liam use him as a pillow for a while before he suggested to read the comics.

“M tired” Liam just sighed, and Josh laughed softly, “I figured, which is why I meant to read them out loud like yesterday”

Liam smiled at him and nodded slowly. The two boys stayed holed up in Liam’s room all afternoon until Zayn got them for dinner. Liam seemed reluctant and upset but followed along, trailing behind his friends as they went to the other flat again. He didn’t see his mother or Ruth, which he once again didn’t know how to feel about. But Zayn seemed to see his confusion, “They went out for dinner. Ruth said they can only stay until tomorrow at lunch, though, so you might want to spend some time with them before they leave”

Liam didn’t reply, seemingly thinking about that as he limped behind his friends. At the kitchen table Louis and Niall were already eating while Harry was just sipping his tea. Liam really tried to eat enough to make the boys happy, not feeling up to yet another discussion about himself. Even though it hurt, he picked up his fork and started to eat. He didn’t get far until he was feeling sick again and slowed down. He wanted to make them happy, he really did.

“Liam” Zayn was next to him and said his name in a low warning tone as he saw Liam had stopped eating. Liam tried to keep up again.

“You need to finish that” Louis also commented a little while later as most of them were already done and Liam barely had eaten half of his portion. Everyone had the same amount of food apart from Harry who didn’t eat anything while Niall and Louis both went back for more.

Louis must have caught his glance over to Harry as he said, “Harry and Niall ate all of our snacks and junk food earlier, now he’s feeling a little sick. You on the other hand didn’t eat anything since breakfast”

Liam ducked his head, trying to take another bite. It made him feel sick enough to drop his fork and closed his eyes to breathe deeply. A tear rolled down his cheek and Liam tried to turn away from the table to hide it.

“Now you made him cry, Lou, I don’t think that helped” Niall said softly, “Maybe that’s a little above us. I don’t think we’re equipped to handle whatever is going on and pushing is never a good idea”

Liam actually liked what Niall had to say. Maybe there was something wrong with him, but he didn’t know what or how to explain it.

“We’ll bring it up tomorrow, though” Louis seemed to agree as well, “We’ll back off a little, but you need to try, Liam. We can’t have a repeat of this morning. If it’s bad enough to cause you dizzy spells it means that this is serious, okay?”

Liam nodded at that, more than happy with that solution for now. He stopped forcing himself to eat and while Niall and Zayn cleaned up, Harry, Louis and himself settled in front of the tv again, apparently watching yet another movie. Josh had to leave after dinner, though, which Liam sadly noticed. By the rate that they were watching movies, they could get through the entire Disney collection by the end of next week.


	11. Eleven

The next morning Liam waited until one of the other boys was awake before he got out of bed, not daring to cause another incident like the day before. After breakfast he asked Louis to come with him to his own flat. He knew he needed to spend some with his family and maybe talk to them before they left, but still felt a little too raw and emotional to really do so. Instead, the three of them sat around the kitchen table, played a few games, and stayed off sensitive topics, apart from Karen telling him to really consider getting in contact with a nutritionist and to keep taking care of his kidney.

Liam just nodded, promising that he’d try and do better and that the boys were helping him with that as well. He tried to help Ruth and her pack the few things that they had before therapy started. They would go out for an hour during it and come back after to get their things and leave.

Zayn and Louis showed up just before his therapist appointment. When the woman arrived, Liam was tense and anxious. Louis took one look at him before asking, “Are you going to bring the things up we talked about?”

Liam just looked at him and frowned.

“Right, yeah, of course not. I’ve seen you try to do that” Louis nodded at him, then turned to the woman, “We all have a few concerns about some things that happened the last few days”

“Why don’t you stay here for the first few minutes, until Liam feels a little more relaxed, like you’ve done with our online sessions and we’ll discuss these things” the woman, she had asked them to call her Natalie early on, told him with a smile. Ruth, Karen, and Zayn left the flat after that before Louis got settled next to Liam on the sofa and Natalie took the armchair.

She first asked Liam how he was feeling after what happened and when he gave a deflecting answer, Louis scoffed, “He’s lying!”

“I know” Natalie said with a little amused look and Liam actually looked offended as his mouth fell open in surprise.

“Liam, this is my job, you do know that I am not dumb, right? I’ve studied people, trauma, and mental health. I’m letting you lie, though, because I’m waiting for you to be ready on your own” Natalie explained and Liam seemed to really think about this as she turned and asked Louis about the concerns they’ve had. He first explained the panic attacks and how sometimes there’s nothing they can do, and Liam just passes out. He also mentions the reasons what set it off the day before. Then he starts on the bigger problem about how Liam seems to be starving himself slowly but surely and how it affects him with dizzy spells and weakness.

“Liam, that is something I want your opinion on” the woman said, addressing the other boy again.

“Why?” Liam asked, frowning.

“Because it could dangerously affect your health” the woman answered.

“But I don’t know, I’m just not hungry” Liam called out, looking aggregated, turning to Louis, “I told you”

“You’ve been saying a few things that haven’t been the whole truth and this is for you to talk about things not for me to pass on messages, Liam, we’ve talked about that” Louis shook his head, feeling guilty for pushing Liam like that, but feeling like he had no other option.

“I don’t want to, though, I don’t want this”

“You need it” Louis argued.

“I don’t”

“Why do you not want this?” Natalie asked.

“I don’t like to talk about things”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to remember things”

“Why?”

Liam just looked at her, as if asking whether she was serious.

“You are not offering much information, so I have to ask why to figure out what’s wrong” Natalie explained. Liam just returned to not answering this time, looking over at Louis again.

“Louis, I think I need you to give us a few moments alone” Natalie said, seeing his reaction and Louis nodded.

“Call me when you are done, we are just in our flat, alright?” Louis told Liam who nodded, looking even unhappier than before. When they were alone, Liam waited for the woman to start asking questions again, instead she just sat there, not saying anything for quite a while, making him feel anxious. After a few minutes, instead of prodding and asking more questions he didn’t want to answer, she started asking about their tour, about what he enjoyed about performing. Liam knew what she was doing but fell for it, anyway, letting himself be pulled in a conversation.

Somehow, she had pulled him into a conversation about his favourite foods and snacks. When he asked why he wasn’t feeling hungry lately, he answered truthfully before his brain even caught on what was happening. Once it did, Liam had already spilled thoughts he had been carefully holding onto for a while.

“I did get you there, didn’t I?” Natalie saw the change in his expression as he grew quiet again, “The thing with this here is, that I want you to understand something. You are safe when we talk, there are no repercussions whatever you say. I want you to start understand yourself a little better, not torture you, because you certainly seem to think that’s what I’m trying”

Liam just looked at her for a moment.

“There’s a lot going on in your mind, I can see that, and I want you to try and put these thoughts into words” Natalie said.

“I don’t know how” Liam admitted.

“That is something we can work on as well, if you are willing to”

Liam once again just looked at her for a few moments, before, surprisingly nodding, “Okay”

Over an hour later they were interrupted by his sister and mother coming back home. Liam had asked before, why they were still talking as their time had been up actually. Natalie didn’t want to stop him now that they had a little bit of a breakthrough, as she had worded it. But just as she was explaining a few things to him, rounding up their topic, the door opened.

“Could you two give us like five more minutes and we’ll be done?” the woman asked.

Almost ten minutes later, she let the two women back in with a smile as Liam went to his bedroom to grab a few things he wanted to take up to the other flat with him. Ruth leaned against the doorframe, asking, “We’ll clean up a little before we leave, so you don’t have to come back down here for anything. I can walk up with you to Louis’ and Harry’s flat”

“Louis said to call him when I’m done” Liam said, not in a protest but just to inform her.

“If you want him rather than me that’s fine. He probably just doesn’t want you to go alone” Ruth said.

“No, no, it’s fine” Liam said quickly, and they left his bedroom. He saw his mother talking to Natalie and didn’t know how to go about this. “Can I hug you before we leave?” Karen asked, looking like she was not expecting a yes, so when Liam nodded, she looked delighted which made Liam smile. The hug wasn’t as horrible as he had made it out to be in his head, Liam realised afterwards, when he and Ruth were walking out of the door. He could hear his mother asking about the session, and only caught a snippet of Natalie’s answer, “… rough start, but he did really well, a lot better tha…”

“Do you have any plans next weekend?” Ruth asked.

“I don’t have any plans at all” Liam replied, “I have barely any idea what’s going on”

“Well, Nicola and I would like to come here for a day or two if you are up to it. We can do whatever you’re comfortable with. Go out, stay in, do something with your friends or alone, it really doesn’t matter”

Ruth stopped walking and raised her eyebrow as Liam replied with a, “Sure”

Liam sighed, he felt already exhausted from therapy, “I’m trying, okay, I have been, but sometimes I just c-can’t and next week I might not want to anymore, but I don’t know. If I say no it’ll just make things worse in the end”

“Okay, but don’t feel pressured. We can wait, if you want some more alone time first, well, time with the band rather” Ruth said with a little chuckle. Liam nodded, “Maybe text me at the end of the week and I’ll decide then”

Ruth seemed happy with that and they arrived at the flat, Liam unlocked it and let Ruth step in first. She called out, “Boys!”

Louis was fast asleep on the sofa and Zayn was sitting at the windowsill once again while the other boys were nowhere in sight. Liam felt like the flat looked strangely empty. Zayn looked up at them with a concerned smile, “You took way longer than planned”

Liam just shrugged a little as Ruth nodded, “Yeah, we are leaving soon, so I’m returning him to you boys. Keep an eye on him, would you?”

“Of course,” Zayn grinned at that when Liam looked a little offended. Ruth hugged Liam, whether he liked it or not before saying goodbye and leaving again.

“We were a little worried when you didn’t call after an hour. How did it go?” Zayn asked, getting up and walking over to Louis who he hit rather gently on the head, “Wake up, mate”

Louis startled awake but was quickly smiling when he saw Liam, “You’re back! How did it go?”

“I just asked him that, idiot” Zayn said, pushing him a little until he could sit down as well, then called Liam, “Come here”

“So, how did it go, though? And why the hell did it take so long?” Louis asked again.

“Apparently you don’t stop if you had a breakthrough? I don’t know…” Liam sighed, as Zayn pulled him down between them and then lifted his leg up so he could rest it on the coffee table, “C-can I take more pain meds now?”

“Are you going to eat something?” Louis asked with a raised eyebrow.

“No” Liam said. As he saw both his friends were ready to fight him on it, he added, “I just spent almost two hours talking about that so can we not do this right now? Please? I’m tired”

“Alright, I hope you are not lying, though” Zayn said jokingly, and Liam nodded, “M not, maybe I’ll tell you later”

Louis got up and grabbed Liam his pain meds and some water, “Alright, then let’s get you comfortable, cuddle for a little while. I’d love another nap and then talk later if you are up for it”

“I like the sound of that” Zayn nodded, and Liam smiled a little.

“Where are Harry and Niall?”

“Gemma is in town, apparently. Called like half an hour ago and Niall went with Harry to meet her. They won’t be back for a while” Louis explained.

The three of them laid down together and did just as Louis had suggested. Liam felt a lot better after the nap. While Zayn put on a movie as he was bored, Louis made them some tea almost two hours later. Liam was sitting in between his friends as they relaxed and watched the tv.

“Apparently I’m doing the opposite of binge eating” Liam spoke up so unexpectedly, that Louis startled, almost leaping of the sofa.

“Huh?” Zayn asked, not really catching on.

“I’m so stressed out that I make myself sick and all the pain meds and everything aren’t helping either” Liam elaborated.

“Okay” Louis replied.

“She talked to my doctor as well and they agreed it’s like a mental thing or something, I don’t know” Liam said, sounding less confident now.

“Well, what did she say we can do about that?” Zayn wanted to know, “How can we help?”

“It’s… she…” Liam started, but didn’t really know how to answer, after having not really processed the information, “I need to…”

His friends waited patiently as he gathered his thoughts, “Basically I need to stop stressing out, which is easier said t-than done?”

Louis nodded, “True”

“S-she wants me to talk more… like now, a lot more, b-because I don’t know how… to put what I’m thinking into w-words”

“That does sound like you, yes” Zayn grinned at him gently.

“If I’m getting this right… you need to stop overthinking and start telling us how you feel? And once you are not as stressed anymore you won’t feel as sick when eating?” Louis asked.

“Pretty much, yeah, but I can’t just wait for that, either so… I need to try and eat even if it makes me sick” Liam said, “T-that scares me. T-the more you tell me to eat, the less I want to, and… t-that’s bad…”

Both his friends grimaced at that.

“Maybe we can be less pushy, would that help? And a schedule, maybe?” Zayn suggested after a few moments of silence.

“Might help” Liam shrugged again.

“Alright, we’ll let the others know to not push and only remind you every now and then” Louis agreed, “D-did she say anything about the panic attacks?”

Liam frowned and shook his head, stuttering, “I only… y-you can’t… everything”

“One step at a time, right?” Zayn interrupted him, sending a glare to Louis, “Let’s focus on one problem for now and maybe at one of his next appointments he can work on this. If it were immediate, she would have said something, don’t you think?”

Liam looked relieved as Louis nodded.

“Why did no one tell me how exhausting talking about stuff is?” Liam sighed, letting his head drop against Zayn, “I’m so bored and tired at the same time”

“You really don’t know how to chill out, do you?” Zayn laughed at him but wrapped his arms around Liam.

“But I just chilled for two days, that’s enough!”

“That is not chilling!” Louis called out, “That was anything but relaxing!”

“Well, I like to do things”

“We could try to write some songs if you are up to it” Zayn suggested, “Niall left his guitar”

Niall and Harry brought dinner with them when they came back and promptly joined the boys in their little music and song writing session, Niall quickly stealing his guitar back as he looked offended at Zayn who had attempted to play it, “You are horrible! Stop that!”

Niall and Harry had been just as curious about why Liam had been in therapy so long, but the older boy didn’t feel like talking about it again. Instead he let Louis quickly fill them in as he just listened. He didn’t mind that and was just happy he didn’t have to say everything out loud again, it was exhausting.

The boys spent the next half of the week still cooped up in Louis’ and Harry’s flat, playing video games, writing songs, and doing not much beyond that. Liam who had another therapist and doctor’s appointment lined up, got increasingly more restless as time went on. While the other four boys occasionally went out for a run or to get some groceries, he had not left the building since he had been to lunch with his family.

The night before his next therapy appointment, Liam had suggested, that he’d go back to his own flat for the night. He felt a lot better than at the beginning of the week and since he had that appointment first thing in the morning in his own home, it only made sense to sleep there as well. Louis outright refused, seemingly angry at the suggestion while Zayn, who had occasionally gone back to his own flat as well during the week, to have some alone time, seemed less put off. Harry and Niall didn’t voice their opinions and Liam almost felt bad as it caused a discussion between his bandmates.

“Louis, you are being selfish” Zayn had said, and it had sparked a whole new argument that Liam was unable to follow even though it scared him. Ever since the day him and Louis had their fight and Liam had his first panic attack in front of the band, more or less, there had been no real fights until now. It scared Liam a little, seeing as his simple question had started it. At least he thought it had been simple, though he was questioning that now.

When the yelling got louder and Harry left the room with a shake of his head, Liam glanced to his side, seeing Niall watching the fight unfold with wide eyes. The other boy was sitting on the floor, guitar in hand. He had been playing while the others had been talking.

Liam tried to get Louis’ and Zayn’s attention, then, trying to get them to stop yelling.

“Hey!” Niall shouted suddenly, making the whole room flinch, then said in a normal tone, “Great, stop yelling you idiots! Liam has been trying to talk to you!”

The two boys turned to Liam, who blushed, stuttering, “I-I’m sorry I… asked… I just… I don’t, please don’t fight because of me”

Louis frowned at him as Zayn just said, “We aren’t fighting because of you”

“You started because of me” Liam mumbled, “And I don’t want you to fight at all. I’m sorry for what I asked, I didn’t realise… I’m just not-“

“Liam” Louis shook his head, interrupting him, “Zayn’s been getting on my nerves for days, it’s not your fault, it just started what was bound to happen anyways”

“Yeah, Louis has been fucking annoying” Zayn nodded, “And I think it was a good idea what you said”

“I disagree” Louis said in a snippy tone, turning to Zayn with a glare.

“Right, stop right there” Niall interrupted, “Let’s not get into this again. You guys can fight once you are alone!”

The boys stopped and turned to the blonde a little surprised.

Niall continued, “You guys can’t fight and yell at each other but maybe we should discuss how things will go from now on. We can’t live here forever; Liam is right with that. I don’t know about the timing, whether now is the time to change that or not, but we need to discuss it, in a civil manner”

“We don’t have to, I’m sorry for bringing it up” Liam quickly said, not feeling up for another shouting match from his bandmates.

“Why are you so freaked out by us yelling at each other? It’s just a little fight” Louis asked, seemingly confused. Liam didn’t meet his eyes as Niall called out for Harry to come back. The door to his room was open and the curly haired boy soon after appeared, “You guys done screaming?”

Zayn nodded with a frown.

“I hate when you yell, why do you have to get so loud and aggressive?” Harry asked his friends, gently hitting them both on the back of their heads as he passed them before settling down next to Liam who nodded. That is what he hated most as well, apart from the underlying fear that they might start hating each other and there for him at some point as well.

“Sorry, we’ll figure out another way to get all the pent up tension and anger out when we get on each other’s nerves again. Which is bound to happen” Louis shrugged, “Alright, then let’s talk about this”

“We need a compromise” Harry said, “We can’t just send Liam off to stay by himself after everything without worrying ourselves to death, but we can’t just keep doing this. It’s not healthy in the long run, to be so dependent on each other”

“What he said!” Niall nodded, “Exactly what I’ve been thinking!”

“Great” Louis didn’t seem happy with that.

“Lou, we are literally just talking about night-time. We’ll still hang out all day” Niall told him with a shake of his head.

“What if Liam decides he wants to shower alone again? What if something happens and he gets another panic attack?” Louis just asked.

“What if Liam is right here?” Liam glared at Louis a little. He hated being talked about like this and Louis knew that.

“I’m sorry, but I do worry about that!” Louis replied in a little shout, earning himself a push from Zayn, who added, “No shouting”

“Sorry” Louis added a little quieter.

“I didn’t want to upset you…” Liam almost whispered, seemingly trying to curl in on himself.

“It’s not your fault they are overreacting” Harry assured him, putting his arm around Liam.

“I just wanted to actually be in my own flat for a while, so it doesn’t feel as strange anymore” Liam admitted, “And I wanted to see if I can be alone, because I haven’t been really alone since… since it happened”

“Oh…” Louis replied slowly, his eyes wide as he seemed to realise something.

“We can work our way towards this, maybe?” Niall suggested.

“Yeah” Zayn agreed, “I mean we will still hang out during the day, but maybe we can switch up where we are doing that and during the nights we can all go back to our own flats and beds”

Harry nodded, “And during the first few days someone can stay with Liam, at least be in his flats just in case something happens, and Louis doesn’t worry himself to death. We can try that tonight and if it works, we can work up to Liam staying alone at some point and if not, we go back to what we are doing now and try again in the future”

“I’m okay with that, as long as I can stay with Liam tonight” Louis said slowly, looking to Zayn especially, since it was mostly the two of them who spent the nights with Liam. Zayn nodded, “But I get tomorrow, then”

“Are you okay with that?” Niall asked Liam who had watched the exchange.

“Uhm… I mean, with what Harry said, yeah, but I am not sure… how to feel about them auctioning me, well, staying with me, off like that” Liam admitted, looking at his friends a little confused, “Like… I feel like a child with divorced parents that fight over custody agreements. And just for the record… I don’t think it’s necessary that someone stays with me”

Harry laughed a little, “Yeah, it is kind of weird and I think this arrangement right now is more for our benefit than yours. What happened scared us as well and we just want to be close and keep an eye on you, whether you need it or not”

“Yeah, not protesting, just wanted to mention it” Liam nodded slowly.

Like they decided, after dinner and a movie that evening, Zayn, and Niall went to their own flats as Louis went with Liam to his own. Liam made Louis stay in the guest bedroom even though the older was not happy with that.

“How am I supposed to know if I am okay on my own if you are right next to me?”

“I don’t know why you feel the need to do that in the first place, luv, but okay, just leave your door open, alright? And promise to call if you need anything, please?” Louis asked with a defeated sigh. Liam did promise that with an amused smile before Liam went to the guest room and Liam disappeared in his own bedroom.

The younger boy struggled to fall asleep and once he did it was a rather restless night. He heard footsteps twice that night as well and while he pretended to be asleep, he knew that it was Louis, checking in on him. While Liam had promised to call him if he needed him, the young boy didn’t feel like he needed Louis’ help. He had to adjust to be on his own again and he knew that might take some time. It still left him exhausted the next morning and Louis didn’t look like he had fared much better.

“Can we go back to how things were?” Louis asked after they both had gotten up once Liam’s alarm had gone off. Both of them were in the kitchen, sipping tea as Liam shook his head, “No, I need to figure this out”

“Why, though?” Louis whined, “We don’t mind having you around!”

“But I mind being dependant on you guys. I get it with the hugs now, but not being able to sleep alone anymore is too much” Liam said.

“I think after everything that’s okay and you are rushing things along without being ready. I know you were awake most of the night and I was, too” Louis explained.

“Just… let me try this, okay? I need to do this… it feels like… it’s… they…” Liam trailed off after struggling to get his thoughts sorted.

“Why do you need this?” Louis still asked, “Remember, you’re supposed to work on explaining what you are thinking”

“I know” Liam groaned, “It’s hard and I will have to in like ten minutes anyways and I’m not looking forward to this”

“Still, tell me”

“They took a lot from me, and I feel like they keep on taking things even though they were arrested, you know? It’s… like they keep hurting me, because I can’t do things anymore because of them…” Liam tried to explain before muttering, “That doesn’t even make sense”

“It does, to a degree, I think” Louis disagreed, “I just think it’s not true even though I see where you are coming from”

Liam just sighed, “Can you stay here when she comes?”

“No, Liam, seriously not. You need to do this on your own” Louis shook his head, earning another sad sigh.

After a few moments of silence, Liam asked, “But can you stay like in the flat, though? In another room?”

“I guess so” Louis said seemingly confused, “But aren’t you trying to be more independent again?”

“You told me not to rush…” Liam replied with a frown, “And that is different”

“No need to worry, I don’t mind staying and I was just teasing you a little” Louis assured him.

Over an hour later, Louis and Liam made their way up to the Louis’ and Harry’s flat where the rest of the band was still eating breakfast, having woken up later than the both of them. Jon and Dan were sitting at the table with them as well. While Louis quickly joined them, grabbing a plate for himself, Liam seemed more hesitant.

“Liam, come here, you need to have some of these pancakes, Harry tried a new recipe” Niall waved him over though. Liam followed his instructions and sat down between him and Dan, before hesitantly asking, “Is Josh here, too?”

“No, he’s still visiting his parents” Jon answered as Dan started to laugh and teased, “Of course Liam is asking for Josh! He doesn’t love us!”

“Shut up” Liam told him with a frown. He had hoped that Josh would be back sooner, he missed the older drummer, especially after having therapy like in that moment. Niall tried to make him eat a whole pancake, but Liam was unable to do so, his stomach already turning and twisting again.

When Liam got up from his seat a while later, Dan stopped him, “You can’t be done eating, yet?”

Liam knew he was overreacting and being stupid when he ignored their friends and quickly left to hide away in the living room. He just couldn’t answer that question yet, already feeling too upset from therapy and everything between. At least he managed to stop the tears that had been threatening to fall as he lied down on the sofa, hating the way he felt and acted with his friends. Why couldn’t he just be normal?

He could still hear his friends talk and Dan had worriedly asked, "What did I say? Did I do something wrong?"

"Nah, just... don't push him about food and stuff" Louis seemed unsure as he answered, "It just is a thing right now we are working on"

"Why?" now Jon was interested as well, as he sounded seriously concerned.

"Not now" Zayn said a little harshly and Liam knew they were only going to talk about this once he wasn't listening anymore. While he did not want to hear them talk about him it wasn't much better to know they would behind his back later. Liam just wanted to cry and forget this day all together.

“What’s up, Liam?” Zayn asked quite a while later as he had apparently come to the living room as well. Liam hadn’t even heard the older boy sneak up on him and startled.

“Nothing is wrong” Liam grumbled, not meeting his eyes, though.

“Okay” Zayn shrugged and sat next to him, “Any other reason that you are grumpy and sad?”

“I am not” Liam told him a little forceful and glared at Zayn.

Zayn just gave him a pointed look, “You sure about that?”

Liam just groaned, knowing that he was being unreasonable while at the same time feeling annoyed and a little mad.

“Was therapy that bad today?” Zayn asked, his voice a little lower than before with a concerned glance.

Liam frowned, not particularly at Zayn but at the question.

“You don’t have to answer, it’s just the first time you’ve been rather angry than scared or sad after a session” Zayn explained, “The lads are worried”

“I’m sorry” Liam just offered with a grimace, “I know I’m being difficult”

Zayn groaned, throwing his head back, “No, you are taking it all wrong again. You are not doing anything wrong”

Liam sighed, “Can we not talk anymore? I’m tired”

Zayn nodded and just wrapped him in a tight hug, whispering, “I’m sorry, it’s okay”

Liam didn’t know what Zayn was apologising for, but he also didn’t really care as long as they stopped talking. He had enough of that today and would much rather enjoy some quiet time. That was easier said than done though, as the six other boys were anything but silent when they were talking, moving, or even doing nothing. After lunch, Niall, Louis, and Jon went to meet up with Sandy to play some football nearby while Harry, Dan and Zayn stayed back just like Liam. While Zayn went back to drawing, Harry had just another book in his hands, Liam had lost count of how many had already read. Dan and Liam on the other hand settled for playing some cards for a while. Once the other boys returned during dinner time, Liam felt more than restless and jealous. He knew he couldn’t play football like the boys did, but he hated that he couldn’t even think about leaving the flat without getting a little panicked. And at the same time, he was still so easily exhausted which just made him frustrated as well. Niall and Louis both passed out immediately after they showered and had dinner, which left Zayn, Harry and Liam to clean up the mess the other’s had made during their meal before they retreated to their respective flats. Zayn got Louis to his bed while Harry just let Niall sleep on their sofa.

Zayn asked Liam a few times whether he wanted to go back to his flat alone or whether he wanted company, but Liam declined and with that both boys went their own ways. While Liam had to go one floor down, Zayn stayed on the same floor as Harry and Louis. Only Niall’s flat was on the same level as Liam’s. Quickly walking down, the stairs, Liam’s mind wandered, and he felt anxious, without any of the other boys around. He could feel his heart racing and his breathing speeding up as he started to walk faster with each step, looking around nervously.

Once he could close and lock the door behind himself, Liam let out a relieved sigh, as he leaned back against the door. He needed a few minutes to get his emotions and breathing under control before he continued to his bedroom. Just like the night before, he was restless and mostly awake, listening to any sounds he could make out.

In the morning, both Zayn and Harry texted him when they were up, checking in with him. Liam had already been sitting at the kitchen table, sipping tea, and scrolling through twitter after he had checked his mails. Not even ten minutes after he had said that he was already awake and fine, his front door opened, revealing Louis who still looked half asleep. Five minutes later, Zayn was at the door as well, joining him and Louis as he grabbed himself some tea as well.

“What are we doing today?” Zayn asked with a soft yawn, “We need to go out and do something”

“Well, you could have joined us yesterday” Louis shrugged with a little smirk.

“Nah, no way” Zayn shook his head, “I’m not playing with you guys ever again. You play dirty, you and Sandy, especially”

Louis just laughed as Liam smiled softly.

“But we could definitely go out for lunch or something and take a walk or go and check out some comic stores or something. I’m sure that would get you and Liam a little less tense” Louis shrugged.

“Yeah, after you appointment, maybe” Zayn smiled at Liam who seemed to rather grimace than share the excitement with his friend.

“You nervous about that?” Louis mused with a concerned glance. Liam just sighed, so Zayn tried to assure him, “I’m sure it will be fine and one of us can come with you if you want”

Liam nodded slowly, “Sure…”

“If we all go out, we probably should tell Paul, just in case fans recognise us. It’s easier with just two or three of us but if Niall and Harry are there as well…” Louis said slowly, already pulling out his phone, “I’ll text them and ask”

Almost two hours later the five boys were leaving the building and greeted Paul who was waiting by the entrance with excited smiles and hugs.

“Alright, I’m taking Liam and one of you to his appointment while Paddy and Andy will go ahead with the rest of you. You are meeting Dan and the others as well, right?” Paul stated once they were all seated in the car.

“Yeah, they’ll just show up whenever though” Zayn nodded, “And only Dan and Sandy answered, so we’ll see”

“After lunch you guys want to go shopping as well?” Paul asked for confirmation, before nodding, “Alright, but same rules as on tour still apply and I want Liam and Niall to stay close, alright?”

“Why me?” Niall spoke up looking confused.

“Remember last time we got recognised and swamped by fans? You panicked” Paul just simply said, “And I’d rather no one touch Liam until he is healed”

“Me too” Liam softly said as Niall nodded, seeing the reasoning behind it now, “Right, that happened”

Half an hour later Liam, Louis and Paul were dropped off at the doctor’s office while the others went ahead to the centre of the city where they wanted to do a little shopping and then eat lunch all together. Paddy and Andy had their arms full in trying to keep them together and safe, since the three of them all tended to stalk off in different directions. It only got worse when the other four boys from the band joined them a while later. Josh and Jon came along as well, though a little later than Dan and Sandy, just before Louis and Liam joined them as well. Neither of them were smiling or greeting them as enthusiastically as before when they met up with Zayn, Harry, and Dan first who were watched over by Andy. Niall, Josh, Jon, and Sandy were all in a different store with Paddy and Louis called Niall to meet up for lunch.

While the group with Paul was there first and got settled, Zayn asked Liam softly how it went. Liam avoided his glance and just barely shrugged at the question. Louis sighed, unsure whether he should get into this while they were sitting in a restaurant in public.

“What’s wrong, Lou?” Harry took the decision away as he kept on pressing.

“Well, he is healing like expected and can start physical therapy again but the cuts are still pretty bad” Louis started off slowly, glancing at Liam who was definitely listening but kept his face straight and unresponsive, “His knee is a lot better, though, but we already could tell because he’s limping less…”

“But that’s good news mostly, so far, right?” Dan asked a little worried, “Why are you both so gloomy, though?”

“Just…” Louis looked at Liam even more concerned. The boy looked up now for the first time and gave a little nod, trying to let Louis know that it was okay to tell them, even if he didn’t feel like doing so himself.

“Well… Liam lost even more weight and it is getting a little dangerous apparently… and… there also was a panic attack… because I left him alone for just a moment and some people came into the room and… it just was chaotic” Louis struggled to explain what had actually happened.

“But why did you pan-“ Harry was about to ask a question when the rest of the boys entered the restaurant loudly, yelling at them to grab their attention.

“Josh!” Liam called out when he spotted the older boy with a wide smile as he sat up further. Josh had been the last to enter the room and quickly walked over to where Liam was sitting, hugging him immediately.

“Why do you not greet us as happy as and excited as Josh?” Dan looked offended as he watched Josh sit down next to Liam, the both of them closer than ever. Liam looked back over, and his smile dropped guiltily.

“Don’t let them tease you” Josh interrupted, making Liam turn back to him, “What were you just talking about?”

Louis repeated the same explanation as before and Harry asked Liam his question again, but the boy just shrugged again. He didn’t really know himself, as he just got scared, when he was without the boys or Paul.

“Right and what are we supposed to do about the weight loss? Like, we need to do something, right?” Niall wanted to know as well, when it was evident that Harry’s question was not going to be answered.

“It’s complicated and we probably should not discuss this stuff here, either” Louis just said, effectively ending the conversation about this topic for the moment.

While the other boys quickly ate their meals as they arrived, Liam once again had trouble even forcing himself to pick up his fork. He knew his friends were watching him with worry, but he just couldn’t deal with this at the moment. Liam already felt more than anxious being outside and while having the eight other boys around and three security guards just waiting outside did make him feel safe, he still was scared. They had all been there the last time and it still had happened in the second he had been alone.

“You are not smiling anymore” Josh was whispering into his ear, suddenly and startled him. Liam looked at him for just a moment before attempting to smile a little.

“That’s not your smile” Josh shook his head feigning disappointment which made Liam actually giggle.

“There you go, that’s a lot better” Josh grinned at him, “So, what do you want to do after this?”

“I don’t really care” Liam answered honestly.

In the end, they didn’t do anything. Liam who had been talking to Josh and Zayn softly for a while, making plans to go back to the comic store Zayn frequented, had grown more anxiously as he noticed more and more people coming in. After a few moments of panic, he realised it was only young girls with their cameras and soon after Paul came in as well, telling them to finish up and pay. It took them a while to get everything done and it was enough for a little crowd to gather outside as their security guards had trouble keeping the fans from coming inside. Meanwhile they were asked for pictures and autographs from a few people that were already inside.

“I don’t like this” Liam muttered slowly as he watched more and more people arrive, turning towards Louis. The older boy nodded, “Yeah, that’s not good. When did they get this fast?”

Paul addressed them quickly before moving them to a back room to get them out of the fans’ sight and safely in one room they could lock and guard. Once inside he announced, “I got two cars coming with some more people. I want you boys to split up if possible, to split their attention as well”

“I’m with Niall!” Harry quickly called out, grabbing his friend’s arm as Sandy seemed to agree, shouting, “Me too!”

Meanwhile Zayn, Louis and Josh had all stepped closer to Liam while Dan and Jon just shrugged.

They stayed in the room for about fifteen minutes before Paddy came to them, “We are ready, the police is here as well to assist while the press is here to piss us off, apparently. Who is first?”

Paul looked at Liam, asking, “Liam?”

The boy just shook his head, looking properly scared now and Paul nodded towards the group around Niall. The five boys were led outside while the other three stayed with Liam, crowding around him. Josh didn’t let go of him, arms wrapped around Liam’s shoulder which comforted the younger one while Louis and Zayn kept close as well, keeping up a light conversation for distraction.

“Not to scare you any more than you already are, Liam, but they are wild, today, and definitely all went for Niall, so I’m expecting the same with you. Stay close and do not let go of me. I want Zayn and Josh in front of you and Louis behind you” Paul informed them, followed by their usual instructions when going through a rather big crowd.

Liam tightly held on to Josh’s hand as they walked out of the room and kept looking back at Louis who had one hand on his back as well. Paul and Paddy both were on either side of the four boys with Andy walking ahead. The screaming was deafening, and he could hear the clicks of cameras as well as shouting from the men trying to get pictures. Liam hated how these people acted, aggressively pushing the young girls away to get just a picture of them.

Halfway through the crowd, Liam felt a harsh tug on the back of his shirt before Louis’ touch was missing and he turned around scared. Paddy on his left was already at Louis’ side, who had been grabbed by some fans and been pulled backwards. Having been distracted, Liam had just stumbled along to wherever Josh was pulling him and didn’t realise that his left side was now unprotected. No one grabbed him like Louis had been, but there was a scuffle next to him as a paparazzi tried to shove a few girls out of the way and they all started to fall. Liam who saw it out of the corner of his eyes as he turned back around, couldn’t do much but watch as they all tumbled right towards him and soon after all he felt was pain as he heard yells and lost Josh’s hand in the process.

It all had happened within seconds and before he even registered anything, there were people around him, yelling and he heard a girl crying as he felt himself be pulled by someone. Somehow, he was sitting up on the concrete floor as someone was holding him.

All he saw was a little girl on the floor in front of him, crying, so he tried to ask, “Are you okay?”

“Liam!” Louis suddenly was all over him, blocking his view and hugging him, pulling him up into a standing position. Liam didn’t really know what was going on still, he only felt pain all over as he was pulled away again, Louis never letting go of him. The boy had trouble keeping up, stumbling just twice again before Paul was there and lifting him up into the waiting car. Josh was already there and held him for a few seconds before pulling back and trying to figure out whether he was hurt.

Louis was shouting, still, Liam realised as the door was closed.

Zayn’s calm and low voice interrupted him, getting Louis to stop and suddenly it was very quiet in the car, Liam noticed.

“You are bleeding, sunshine” Josh softly said, both hands on either side of his face, looking at him worriedly. Liam didn’t really comprehend what he had said as he slowly asked, “I-is the girl okay?”

“Paddy picked her up after he got Josh and me in here” Zayn explained, “She’s probably fine”

“Are you hurt?” Louis asked him, even though they all could see the scrapes on his hands as well as the little gash on the side of his head.

“I’m always hurt” Liam frowned at him.

“Yeah, but what hurts right now?” Zayn chuckled softly which quickly died in his throat as Liam whimpered, “Everything”

The boy’s expression had changed from confused to hurt within moments and Josh said, “Bloody hell…”

“I saw the camera hit you on the side of your head and the girl fell into you. Did you hurt anything when you fell to the floor?” Louis asked Liam, speaking slow and seriously.

“I… I d-don’t think so?” Liam replied now, looking down at himself. His left hand had a few scrapes from the floor, but it wasn’t anything serious and while the cuts on his arm throbbed more furiously than before, it didn’t feel serious either. The wound on his leg was hurting the worst at the moment along with his collarbone. Liam reached out and gently tried to straight out his sling which had moved with one of the straps lose by now. Zayn reached out and pushed his hand away as he righted it himself. Liam then reached up to his head which Josh still had a hand on the side of his face, holding him steady and Louis stopped his hand again this time.

“Don’t touch it, you’re bleeding” Louis told him with a shake of his head.

Then Josh’s hand moved away, and Liam realised that the older boy hadn’t just held his head, he had also a few tissues in hand which were bloody. Liam felt dizzy when he saw the red colour and tried to turn away, “Oh…”

“You are okay, Liam, it’s not bad” Zayn told him softly, making the younger one look at him, “Just a little cut and bump, nothing to worry about”

While Liam didn’t look convinced, Josh pressed another round of tissues against the side of his head, just above his right eyebrow. Liam flinched away, the pain now really settling in.

“I’m sorry, love” Josh whispered with a wince himself. Louis wrapped his arm around Liam’s back and pulled him in a gently hug, letting him lean into the older boy as Josh followed the movement with his hands.

“Well, that was fun” Zayn joked, “Let’s wait and see what happens on the next episode of 1D tries to leave the house!”

Louis laughed out loud, “Yeah, with our luck, we’ll start an alien invasion next or something”

“Do not jinx this, guys” Josh shook his head with an amused smile, before pulling back the tissue, “I think it’s getting less, Liam. You’ll be fine in no time”

The car rolled to a stop soon after and Paddy appeared at the door, looking worried, “Let me see that, Liam”

Josh pulled the tissues back again, letting the security guard inspect the wound who said, “It doesn’t need stitches. Are you boys able to take care of that or do I need to come up with you or do you think he needs to see a doctor?”

“No, it’s fine” Liam said the second he heard the word doctor.

“I can take care of it” Josh agreed, and they were let out of the car. Paddy walked with them the few steps to the entrance of their apartment building where the other five boys were waiting for them.

“Took you long enou-“ Sandy’s loud yell died on his lips as he saw Josh holding Liam close under his arm, while still pressing tissues against his temple to stop the bleeding.

“What the fuck happened?” Niall was running towards them worriedly and tried to check Liam over himself, but Louis held him back. Zayn meanwhile promised them that they would explain once they were upstairs after taking care of Liam. He also suggested, “You guys go up to Harry’s and Lou’s flat, we’ll take care of this in Liam’s, alright?”

Zayn and Josh led a still disoriented Liam to his own flat while the others continued upstairs. Liam was sat down in the bathroom and Josh quickly made work of cleaning the wound and bandaging it. They also took off the sling and brace since they had only fixed it temporarily and wanted to make sure it was fitting right and not causing any discomfort. Liam pulled at his pant leg and tried to look at his wound there, after realising that it was till throbbing while the pain in his arm had lessened.

“You didn’t twist your knee or anything?” Josh asked as he changed the bandage on his leg and cleaned the little blood that was there away as well. Liam shook his head slowly, “D-don’t think so”

“Are your pain meds here or upstairs?” Zayn asked in the meantime.

“Bedroom” Liam answered.

“Alright, we are done here, how do you feel?”

“A little dizzy” Liam replied, looking up at Josh worriedly, “And my head hurts, but that’s…”

“Yeah, that was to be expected, otherwise you are okay?”

“Think so, yeah” Liam smiled a little, before it turned into a soft giggle, “What the hell was that?”

Josh smirked as well, “Just your bad luck, I guess”

“That was weird, like, so weird” Liam laughed now.

“Is he okay?” Zayn seemed confused as he came back and handed over the pain meds.

“The absurdity of what just happened is settling in” Josh just shrugged, “Was a pretty freak thing to happen, wasn’t it?”

Zayn laughed a little and nodded, “Right, let’s go upstairs to see the others, alright?”

Liam groaned when Josh pulled him up and stopped them just as they were walking outside the door, “Let me grab some other clothes first, please”

The two boys looked down at him and realised that his pants were indeed dirty from the fall and a few drops of blood had gotten on his shirt as well. After Zayn quickly helped Liam get out of his dirty clothes and get dressed again, they finally were ready to join the rest of the group again.

Liam had to repeatedly assure his friends that he was fine and was still pushed onto the sofa, with a blanket thrown over him and them all settling down somewhere around him. While Liam was glad to be able to cuddle with Josh and Louis, he also felt like it all was a little over the top. A little while after they had gotten back, Harry got up and got some snacks for the group while Louis went to make tea as well before they would start a board game.

“Liam” Harry got the boy’s attention and handed him a pack of Oreos, “In case you feel hungry”

Liam smiled at him widely, he hadn’t had them in forever and immediately started eating some happily.

“We should have thought of that earlier” Niall laughed out loud as Dan smirked as well. Liam didn’t care about their teasing until Sandy objected, “But eating Oreos all day won’t help with the problem itself”

“But it’s a start” Louis shook his head at him, “Better than nothing”

Liam slowly lowered his hands as he let the words sink in, Sandy was right, it was well into the afternoon and all he had was a cup of tea this morning.

“Great, you idiots” Zayn muttered, and Liam looked at him in confusion as he added, “We are not supposed to be pushy about this”

“Please don’t let these stupid morons words stop you from eating” Josh said softly and nudged his arm where he was still holding one cookie. Liam frowned, as he felt his stomach churn again but forced himself to eat it anyways.

“Let’s start the game and change the subject, yeah?” Niall suggested, and the tension slowly bled out of the room after that as they all concentrated on the game and could relax.

Liam had only eaten a few of the cookies but already felt sick not even an hour later. With a groan he leaned against Josh, hiding his face. “What’s wrong?” Josh whispered, trying to keep it between just the both of them. Zayn next to them turned towards them, listening but didn’t interfere and Liam didn’t even see that.

“Hate food” Liam whimpered quietly against Josh’s chest, curling up a little.

“Your stomach hurting?” Josh asked and received a little nod, before adding, “Think some tea would help?”

Liam shook his head slowly. Josh looked over to Zayn who was watching them as he let his arm that had been around Liam’s back drop down to the other boy’s side and rubbing gently circles, “You just need to get used to more than just a few bites of food again”

Zayn shrugged at him, not knowing what else they could do to help, but scooted a little closer and suggested, “Do you want to lie down and take a nap? Maybe that will help?”

Liam shrugged followed by a whimper and Josh asked, “Was that a yes or no?”

Liam nodded this time and Zayn asked, “You want to go to your own bed or is Louis’ fine again? It’s better if you stay here, I think, and you want one of us to stay with you as well or be on your own?”

Josh frowned at these questions and Zayn explained, “We’ve gone back to our own flats for most of the nights the last few days”

“Stay here” Liam replied slowly and moved to sit up, his left arm held protectively in front of his stomach with a wince.

“Come on, then” Josh just pulled him up as he stood up himself and walked with him to Louis’ room without another glance to the rest of the group, who stopped talking and playing as they watched them get up. Zayn was gesturing behind them to keep them from asking questions and only spoke up once the door behind Josh and Liam fell closed.

“What’s going on?” Louis asked, eyeing the door to his room suspiciously.

“Liam was complaining about his stomach hurting and we suggested he lie down for a while” Zayn softly explained.

“I could make him some tea, that will help, probably” Louis suggested but Zayn shook his head, “Josh already offered”

“We got a heating pad; you think he might like that?” Harry asked and Zayn shrugged, “Couldn’t hurt, I think?”

Harry nodded and got up to get it. The youngest band member then disappeared into Louis’ room as well for a few minutes.

When he came back out, he was smiling softly and said with a soft chuckle, “I think that is helping, he’s already half asleep on top of Josh again”

“What is going on with these two, by the way?” Dan asked with a grin, “They are inseparable!”

“Yeah, when Josh is around it’s like we don’t even exist anymore” Sandy added as Jon laughed, “And Liam is Josh’s sunshine if you have forgotten, it is really cute!”

“Just leave them be, would you?” Louis shook his head even though he was smiling as well, “As long as they are happy”

“They are, I was definitely intruding just now” Harry laughed.

While Liam’s stomach felt better when it neared dinner time, the incident earlier that day caught up with him and he developed a headache that left him tossing and turning in Louis’ bed, even with Josh there to comfort him. After having dinner all together again, the band left while Josh stayed behind just a little while longer. Liam hadn’t eaten anything again, worrying them even more when he refused to leave the bed as well, obviously feeling worse than before. At some point Louis came into the room and more or less threw Josh out, taking his place instead and almost forcing Liam to drink some tea at least.

The next morning went a lot better for the boys. Liam was feeling a little better, even though there was still a headache pounding behind his eyes and he was a little sore as well, but otherwise okay. He ate some off the scrambled eggs Harry had made and actually called his parents back as he had not talked to them in a while again.

As they were cleaning up there was an unexpected knock at the door which left them all a little confused since they were not expecting anyone and those who would drop by unannounced could just enter.

Liam who had just been doing nothing anyway went to open it and was surprised to find Robert, their new manager at the door.

“Liam! Hey, how are you doing?” he greeted him excitedly and Liam just stepped to the side confused to let him in.

After he greeted all of the boys, they settled around the kitchen table and he said, “You boys are really bad at answering phone calls!”

“Uh, shit” Louis grimaced, “Yeah… we get distracted easily”

“What’s going on, why are you here?” Zayn immediately asked, looking at the man with suspicion and a glare all in once.

Niall didn’t dare say anything as he scooted closer to Liam’s left side and the older boy put his arm around him, knowing that this was making him nervous.

“Are you going to yell at us?” Harry asked softly, glancing at Liam and Niall.

“No, of course not!” Robert seemed surprised, “Why would I do that?”

“We messed up yesterday” Liam explained, “And we didn’t answer your calls. Are you going to take away the days off we have left?”

“No! Jesus, boys, no, I’m not here to be mean or anything!” Robert called out, looking into the scared faces around him, “I wanted to check in with you guys after what happened yesterday! And I thought you might want to know what our plans with you in the future are and what to do media wise. But you still have your free time and if you are not up to it now, we can just chat for a little while so I can make sure you boys are okay and then I’ll leave you to it again”

“Huh” Louis just said, looking taken a back while Zayn’s expression softened visibly.

“Now, that you boys don’t look like I’m about to bite your heads off, tell me what’s been going on. How are you doing so far?” Robert wanted to know.

“We’ve just been hanging out here mostly. Playing games and watching movies. The boys, Dan and his band, have been here a lot, too” Louis shrugged, “We’ve been writing some songs, too, but only when we were bored, so, yeah”

“That’s great, that you guys have been relaxing” Robert nodded.

Zayn nodded, “We’ve only gone out to get food and to doctor’s appointments apart from yesterday. Well, these two went out to play football once but nobody saw them, we think”

“Oh, you did? How did you do that?” Robert laughed, “Usually we know whenever you boys get out within seconds”

“Luck, probably” Niall replied, still sounding uncertain.

“And how are you guys feeling after yesterday? We set up a little statement we want to post, and I think you should read it first and maybe change it to your liking” Robert said, and the group groaned loudly.

“What is the problem?”

“We hate these statements, it’s never something we would say” Zayn said, “We’d prefer if we could just post whatever we wanted on our personal accounts”

Robert frowned, “As long as it’s nothing controversial you guys can post whatever you want. Maybe don’t go around and post any hate or start fights like some celebs do, but otherwise that’s fine”

“Let’s see that statement, though, I want to know what you want us to say” Harry asked, “Can I just use that if I like it? I never know what to post!”

“I actually like that” Harry smiled, “We should post it on the official account, and I’ll copy most of it”

The others agreed as well and seemed a lot happier at that.

“Alright, I’ll have someone take care of it” Robert told them, “If you are unsure, I’ll send you the contact of our PR team. They can go over anything you want to publish if you want advice”

“That’s great, thanks” Zayn nodded at him, “What are the plans from now on, though?”

“Well, let’s start out simple. First, we need you boys to all be healthy and well rested again, especially Liam. Paul has been giving us all information about your healing process and we do not want to risk your health, so it really depends on your recovery, Liam”

Liam frowned at that, feeling guilty. He didn’t like the fact that he was the reason the other boys couldn’t continue.

“We have a time frame from your doctor that we are working with right now, but if it takes longer or you feel ready earlier, it won’t be a problem. We’ll just have to adjust to that”

“That sounds good” Niall commented, “And we all could do with some more free time”

“Yeah, we still haven’t seen our families and friends” Harry agreed.

“For now, I want you boys to keep doing what you were doing. I’ll set up a few more phone interviews for two or three of you at a time, if you feel up to it, to keep you guys out there and to put out any rumours that keep flying around” Robert told them.

“That’s fine, I mean, as long as you don’t need all of us, we can also do some radio interviews or so as long as it’s not every day” Louis told them, looking to the other boys who seemed to agree. Zayn added, “Yeah, and we’ve been writing, so we could keep doing that, we are supposed to do another album, right?”

“Yes, but we don’t want to rush you since you said you wanted to fully write it yourself this time. We have a few song writers lined up that would be happy to work with you, but we are waiting for you to be ready before we get you into the studio” Robert nodded.

“Well, can we start with that next week? We’ve been a little bored to be honest and going to the studio actually is fun, when there is no pressure behind, so we could do that a few times a week, right?” Harry asked to which Liam nodded quickly.

“Yes, please! I’m so bored”

“Alright, I’ll see what I can do and let you know. We can probably get you booked in the studio two or three times a week” Robert nodded, “But I don’t want you guys to overdo it, with the interviews and studio time coming up”

“We’ll let you know if it’s too much” Niall told him determined, glancing over to Liam a little concerned. The older band member was grinning widely at the prospect of being in the studio and doing things, while his band mates still worried. The group talked for a little while about when they wanted to put out the album the latest and on when they could go on tour again. Before Robert left, though, he spoke up in a more serious tone, “We have one more thing to talk about… if you are up for it”

“Sure, what is it?” Zayn asked, and all the boys looked at the man excitedly, smiling wide and he almost felt guilty when he looked over at Liam for just a second too long and they could already guess.

“We need to talk about what happened and how you are dealing with it… for now the media is satisfied with what you have put out but that won’t be like this for long. We need a plan, to be able to protect you guys” the man started off.

“What do you mean with protect?” Niall asked, looking worried and biting his lips as he looked at the man.

“Well, first of all, after what you all went through with your last management team, the panic attacks during interviews, the questions and threats you told us about… we do not want that to happen” Robert explained, “We want you to feel safe, not run out of interviews and get angry, like you have been. For us to be able to do that, we need to know, what the problems are, what upsets you and what triggers your anger” he looked at Zayn and Louis for that, “Or what makes you panic” He looked between Niall and Liam for this.

“Well, that is a loaded question” Louis just stated, “A lot of things”

“I get that this is a lot and you are still figuring everything out, but I want you guys to think about this and let us know what you need to feel safe and ready to work. For the interviews you are doing this far we have a few questions regarding the incidents that we will give them that you have already answered. If they ask anything else that makes you uncomfortable, let us know and we will step in. You boys won’t be ending interviews or have to defend yourselves for it if we stop them, so please let us know” Robert told them.

Liam surprised them all as he started to chuckle, “What the hell is going on right now?”

“Yeah” Niall saw his reaction and laughed as well, “What were we even doing up until now?”

“What was wrong with Simon and the other idiots?” Harry added to the questions.

“I’d like to know that as well” Robert told them, looking somewhere between amused and upset.

“Well, that was fun” Liam muttered, his face now anything but happy and he looked rather sad.

“I have one thing we can already tell you what we need!” Niall suddenly yelled, making the room flinch, so he apologised, “Sorry, but like, food, we never had time to eat and barely enough to sleep. Like, really bad, not just when we had a hectic day and only got a few hours, but like for weeks”

“True” Harry nodded, “Niall fell asleep during interviews and we all lost so much weight, not just Liam with his eating thing”

“Huh?” Robert seemed utterly confused as he glanced at Liam who sighed, then glared at Harry.

“Sorry, but it’s a thing and he probably should know” Harry shrugged.

“I’ll be fine by the time we start working again” Liam told him, seemingly upset, “It’s not a thing”

“It is” Louis countered, “But it’s not Harry’s to share”

The oldest sent a scolding look to the youngest who sighed but didn’t seem that much bothered. Liam just shook his head slowly, “It’s fine”

“Alright, we can talk about this some other time. But if it affects you in your daily life, I and Paul need to know about this, to keep you guys safe. Now, for your initial request, yes, we schedule enough breaks for you guys to eat, we definitely won’t be starving you. If you guys are not healthy enough to perform, we only hurt ourselves in the long run”

Louis nodded, “Good, that’s pretty much all it takes to keep these two happy” He pointed at Niall and Harry, before continuing, “These two tend to forget basic human needs, though” Then he nodded towards Zayn and Liam.

“Alright, we can work with that” Robert nodded, before getting up, “And I will be on my way now. I want you boys to take care of yourselves, go see your families and relax. Just think about what we talked about and inform me or Paul”

“We will” Zayn said, “Thank you”

After Robert left them, they all kept talking about it as they were mostly confused at how things were handled by Robert. It was so different to what they’ve known before.

“If we don’t get up and do something now, we can just stay and have lunch as well” Niall laughed out loud after a glance at the clock.

“Well, we need groceries for that, we are out of everything” Harry shook his head, “Does one of you want to go out and get some or should we call someone?”

“I’m out” Zayn shook his head, “I just want to read today”

“Right, Zayn needs alone time before he gets grumpy, got it” Louis laughed.

“I’m coming, I need to get out of here!” Niall called out.

“I’m with Z” Harry shook his head, “Just bring enough snacks, please!”

“Liam, you in or out?” Louis asked and the other shrugged, feeling unsure.

“I want to do something” Liam explained, “But… I don’t… I’m just… anxious?”

“Well, then you are coming along, and we’ll see if we can get the anxiety calmed down some way. I’m not letting you keep hiding out of fear” Louis told him, “And we’ll be with you the whole time”

“Bring lunch, though, I’m too tired to cook” Harry told them, and Liam mustered him worriedly, before asking, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just tired, I think” Harry send him a soft smile, “And tired of cleaning up after Lou”

“Hey, I clean up, too”

“You definitely don’t” Zayn chuckled, “Well, I’m off now, call me when you get back, okay?”

With that the group got up and started to clean up the leftovers from breakfast before all going to their own room to get ready. Niall walked with Liam to his flat before continuing to his own. He also came back to get him, being a lot fast than his friend with getting dressed and ready. He walked in on Liam struggling with his sling once again, scowling in frustration.

“You hate that thing, don’t you?” Niall laughed, as he watched him for a while before stepping in and helping. Louis showed up just barely a minute later, just walking in on them, “What’s taking you so long?”

“We are ready” Niall shook his head.

“Huh, you took the bandage off” Louis nodded towards Liam and Niall followed his gaze.

“Oh, I didn’t even realise. Looks kind of nasty the bruise and everything” Niall shuddered as he looked at Liam’s head.

“Yeah, sorry, should I cover it?” Liam seemed unsure, reaching up to touch the bruise and wincing.

“Does it still hurt?” Niall asked him in concern, but Liam shrugged him off, “It’s fine, only still have a slight headache left”

Louis then ushered them out of the flat, “Am I driving or are we walking?”

“Let’s walk, please” Niall asked, turning to Liam to see whether that was okay for the other. The boy just smiled at him as they left the building. They didn’t live far from the next supermarket and after a five minute walk, they were already there. Liam had felt the anxiety creep up on him and building ever since they left the building and he felt like he was going crazy when instead of walking next to Niall who had been between him and Louis, he pushed himself between his friends, going the extra step, to have them on either of his sides.

“Keep your eyes out for any fans. We don’t need a repeat of yesterday” Louis told them after a few minutes and it definitely didn’t help Liam who had been roaming the streets with his eyes the whole time already, scared to be recognised or to recognise someone else. The store was rather busy when they entered, Niall pushing the shopping cart with Louis and Liam walking behind him.

“It’s like letting a child run free in a candy shop” Louis muttered when he saw Niall stop in the candy aisle, grabbing literally everything after having rushed past all other shelves with actual food. Niall was surrounded by kids doing the same with parents trying to stop them, so Louis said, “Wait, I’ll be right back”

He left Liam standing at the end of the aisle where almost no people were before going to Niall and trying to stop him. Liam didn’t like the way both of them kept moving further away as they were arguing about what Niall could buy with people trying to move past them or wanting to get at something, they were blocking each time. The injured boy was with his back to the shelf and kept glancing to the other hallways to try and see what was going on and who was there, just in case something was going to happen. When he turned back around just moments later, after having glanced in the other hallways, Liam froze. He couldn’t see Louis or Niall. They were not where he had seen them just seconds before and Liam could feel the panic coming up. He was alone and bad things happened when he was alone. Liam should have just stayed home; he never should have come.

“Look what I’ve found, Liam!” Niall’s voice suddenly yelled in his ear. Liam jumped and couldn’t help as his breathing sped up; everything was too much.

“Liam, hey, what’s wrong? You are trembling” Louis’ voice was much quieter, and Liam turned to him, moving until he was wrapped in a gentle hug. Trying to calm himself down as he pressed his face in Louis’ shirt, Liam took a deep breath, closing his eyes.

“Love, what’s wrong?” Louis tried again after a few moments. His hands were already on Liam’s back, rubbing comforting circles.

“I d-didn’t know where you… w-went” Liam stuttered out some time later, still pressing himself against Louis’ chest shakily.

“We just went through the other hallway to get back since this one was so crowded” Niall told him slowly, sounding sad and guilty.

“I thought you’d left” Liam said, and Louis cursed before apologising and promising to never leave him.

“I thought you saw us leave” Niall sighed, “That’s on us, we promised not to leave you alone”

“I’m fine, I’m sorry” Liam now pulled back, his face was pale and eyes wide with the panic still evident in them.

“You are okay, don’t worry about it” Louis comforted him, “Are you alright to continue?”

Liam nodded slowly but didn’t move away from Louis, his left arm holding on to the hem of Louis’ shirt. The older saw what he was doing and didn’t mind, instead he put his arm around Liam as well and didn’t let go of him until they were at the front of the store, paying. When Liam moved to take one of the grocery bags, Niall hit his hand, yelling, “Don’t you dare”

“Ow” Liam frowned at him, pulling back. Louis laughed at them, “Children, literal children”

Their trip back home was rather uneventful as they walked in the same formation as before, Liam between the other boys and they were not spotted once again. After a quick stop for lunch they called Zayn to come help them with the bags. The boy met them at the entrance and grabbed some bags from Niall who was struggling by now, leading them up to the other flat. Harry was fast asleep on the sofa, cuddled up under a blanket with some old movie running on the tv neither of them knew.

While the others took care of all the groceries and food, Liam sat on the edge of the sofa, checking in on their youngest friend. Harry seemed pale and restless as he slept on, so Liam went to the others, asking, “Was Harry alright this morning? He seems a little unwell”

“Nah, he was fine” Louis shrugged, “Probably just tired as he said earlier”

“But Harry doesn’t really take naps” Liam argued, “He hates sleeping during the day”

“Why don’t you wake him and ask. We are eating now, anyway” Zayn suggested, only peeking out from behind the fridge door, where he was putting away some things, for a moment.

Liam turned out to be right, Harry woke with a pained groan and tried to turn away from him. The older one gently pried the blanket out of his hands and kept talking to him softly until he was more alert, trying to find out what was wrong. After a little prodding and poking the boy finally admitted to feeling unwell, “My stomach hurts and m-my head”

“You do feel a little warm” Liam told him softly, “You think you can eat something?”

Harry shook his head slowly, his eyes dropping closed again.

“Do you want tea?” Liam tried next and received a little nod this time, “I’ll be right back”

Back in the kitchen, he informed the other boys, “He said he’s feeling sick and has a headache”

Liam went to make his friend some tea but struggled to reach the top shelf where Louis kept the tea in the flat. He couldn’t really stretch without jarring his collarbone, so Zayn got up with a laugh to get it for him.

“You are coming back to eat, though, right?” Louis asked Liam who was about to leave the room. He didn’t get an answer and after the other three had finished their meal, Niall came to the living room with a plate to find Liam and Harry cuddled up on the sofa. Harry was sitting on Liam’s left side, his head resting on the older boy’s shoulder while Liam had his bandaged arm around him.

“I got your lunch” Niall said, setting it down in front of Liam who grimaced as Niall asked, “How is he?”

“I think he’s getting a fever” Liam sighed, “Doesn’t seem to be feeling good at all”

“Well, shit, just what we needed” Niall cursed, sitting down in the armchair nearby, “You think we can get sick from him?”

“I don’t know” Liam just answered, “But I really hope we don’t get all sick”

“That would be horrible” Louis said as him and Zayn joined them, “So I take it that today will be a quiet day as well? Anyone care for a movie marathon? Star Wars or Marvel?”

The boys all huddled up in the living room and settled for watching movies while eating snacks. Harry slept through most of the afternoon, only waking up to whine and groan about how he felt with Liam trying his best to hold and comfort him even though it was a little uncomfortable for him. When his fever kept rising and just around dinner time the boy started to struggle even more, Liam got worried. When Zayn and Niall went to the kitchen to take care of dinner, Louis and Liam tried to wake Harry up again. The youngest just groaned at them before suddenly sitting up straight and bolting towards the bathroom.

“Well, fuck” Louis sighed, letting his head fall back in frustration as Liam got up to follow Harry.

“Wait, let me, don’t hurt yourself” Louis shook his head, following a little slower, but Liam didn’t let him.

“You and Niall are the worst at this. Get out before you throw up as well” Liam told him harshly as he tried to be there for Harry who was violently sick. Louis didn’t need to be told twice as it was true, him and Niall are known for getting sick as well when they were too close to someone else throwing up. Harry was miserable on the floor in front of the toilet and shaking a little, worrying Liam even more. The older one convinced him to get up after a while though and Harry leaned heavily on Liam who was trying to get him to his room to lie down. Zayn was waiting at the door for them and looked rather upset as he took Harry from Liam who still followed them.

“You can’t do that with your shoulder, Liam” Zayn told him once Harry was settled in bed. Liam didn’t answer, instead he just made sure, Harry was okay.

“The fever is getting worse; do you think we have anything he can take for it? Do you think he should?” Liam asked Zayn not feeling very confident as the other shrugged. Louis was standing in the doorway with Niall, saying, “I’ll ask my mum what we should do”

A phone call and a lot of questions that neither could answer later, Louis hung up and stated, “It’s probably just the flu or something. We shouldn’t be all over him like usual and some meds for the fever and headache should be enough”

“Good, do you guys have some here?” Zayn asked and was met with synchronised headshakes, “I’ll run out and get some, I want you both to stay away from Harry, so you don’t get sick”

He pointed at Niall and Louis who both gasped offensively at him, looking upset.

“Seriously” Zayn said again, “Liam has been cuddling him all day, so if it’s contagious it’s already too late. The three of us need to try and keep our distance and Liam, no messing around. You are finishing your dinner and not letting Harry lean on you again. I’m being serious”

Liam frowned but nodded as he sat down on the edge of the bed, “But I’m not leaving him alone”

“No cuddling” Zayn ordered looking at him sternly before leaving the room. When the front door fell closed behind him, Liam climbed onto the bed and promptly started to cuddle with Harry.

“Mate, he’s going to freak, and you’ll get sick” Louis shook his head with a laugh.

“It’s already too late, he said so himself” Liam just said, “And I wouldn’t want to be alone, either”

“Yeah, that’d be just mean” Niall agreed with him, but turned around to walk out of the door, “I’m not going to get close enough to get sick, though”

Liam stayed with Harry for a while before Louis made him leave and eat first, promising that he’d make sure Harry was alright during that time. The injured boy was with Niall in the living room when Zayn came back and quickly discarded his food again in favour of following Zayn into Harry’s room. Louis walked out of it, quickly stating, “Kept my distance, don’t worry”

Waking Harry up, ended with the boy quickly bolting the room again in favour of throwing up once again. Zayn stayed in the bedroom as Liam tried to help Harry as well, even though there was not much he could do other than be there and offer comforting words. This time Harry got to his feet on his own once he was done, but was swaying dangerously enough, that Liam grabbed him with his left arm, trying to steady him, “Careful, mate”

Harry just whimpered and looked up at Liam with bloodshot and glassy eyes.

“Zayn” Liam called out then and explained, once the other boy was at the door, “I really don’t want him to fall”

Zayn nodded, seeing how unsteady Harry was and how Liam struggled with holding him before taking a hold of Harry and leading him back to his bed, getting him settled gently and making him take some of the meds he had picked up. Liam sat on the edge of the foot of the bed and watched them, looking concerned. Harry fell back asleep almost immediately and Zayn sighed, “Damn, he was really out of it”

Liam nodded and frowned as Zayn got up, trying to pull him along.

“Come on, let him sleep in peace. We’ll leave the door open and hear if he needs us” Zayn told him, pushing him rather forcefully out of the room.

“The boys asked if they could come over, but I told them no” Louis informed them, “Josh wasn’t too happy about that”

Liam smiled a little at that, “What did they want to do?”

“Just hang out again, probably” Louis shrugged, “Didn’t ask, oh, and Robert send us a schedule for interviews and recording times”

He nodded towards his laptop that Niall had in his lap, sitting on the armchair relaxed. Liam and Zayn both went over there, trying to sit on either side of him, almost squishing him.

“Lads! Hey! Ow, stop!” Niall protested and Liam scooted up, so he was sitting on the arm rest instead, giving Zayn and Niall more room.

“We need to switch a few things around, depending on how long Harry will be sick, though” Louis commented, “Like the interview in two days or so? They planned Harry, Zayn and me but we can take Niall instead, probably”

“But he’ll be fine to go to the studio next week, right?” Niall asked Louis, “I mean, we are not all going each time, but at first, right?”

“Yeah, he’ll be fine by then, I think” Liam nodded assuring, followed by a yawn.

“I’m going to text Robert, though, just in case” Zayn said, then did so, receiving a call not even a second later from said man. He answered it and was just about to explain the situation to their manager when a loud groan, followed by a thud and quick footsteps was heard. Harry ran out of his room again and to the bathroom, followed by Liam. Niall and Louis seemed uncomfortable on the sofa as Zayn said, “Hold on, Robert”

The boy then went to the bathroom and made sure Liam had everything under control, before going back to the call, “Yeah, hey I’m back, sorry. That was just Harry, yes, he started feeling sick this afternoon… he is currently throwing up, yes…”

Zayn glanced back to the sofa where Niall got up as he was till listening to Robert talk.

“Listening to this is making me sick already” with that Niall disappeared into the kitchen and left Louis alone. Zayn looked back to the bathroom where he found Liam trying to help Harry again.

Interrupting Robert, Zayn shouted, “For fuck’s sake, Liam, stop doing that!”

Liam froze for a second but continued letting Harry lean on him, glaring back at Zayn who groaned and walked over, he handed Liam the phone, “Hold that for a second”

Then he picked up Harry swiftly and just carried him back to bed, talking softly to him, “Lou put a bucket next to your bed, earlier, don’t get up again, okay? We don’t want you to fall and hurt yourself”

Harry nodded, looking utterly miserable still even though the meds seemed to have helped with is fever. Liam was behind him and handed him back his phone. Zayn took it and quickly apologised to Robert again, explaining, “Sorry, Harry was a little unsteady and Liam tried to help, so I had to stop that, they are fine now”

“Are you sure you guys are okay? I can send-“ Robert sounded properly worried now.

“Yeah, we are okay, I promise. You just called in the most chaotic moment” Zayn chuckled a little, making his way out of the room to find a panicked and pale Louis coming his way, “Niall is throwing up”

“Shit” Zayn simply stated, and Liam was running past him to the kitchen where Niall was.

“Niall is sick as well?” Robert asked and Zayn groaned, feeling overwhelmed, “We’ll…. I’ll have to call you back, I’m sorry”

With that Zayn hung up on their manager feeling horribly guilty about it but there were more pressing matters at hand as Liam was calling for him as well. Niall was hanging onto Liam like a koala, arms around his neck and legs around his waist and Liam was obviously struggling. The Irish boy was crying and sobbing as Liam leaned against the counter, asking Zayn for help. The older boy grabbed Niall from Liam and gasped when Niall just as forcefully clung to him seconds later.

“I think he’s getting a fever, as well” Liam whispered, looking obviously in pain as he rubbed at his shoulder and leaned over a little.

“What? I thought it was just because he saw Harry!” Louis called from the other room. Zayn just sighed and brought Niall over to Harry’s room as well, trying to lie him down next to the younger boy. The both of them quickly found each other and cuddled together, only separating so Zayn could check Niall’s temperature and for Liam to make him take some meds for his fever that he somehow had developed as well. The second the two of them were passed out again, Zayn turned to focus on Liam who was grimacing in pain and curling up on himself.

“Do you need your pain meds?” he asked softly, trying not to wake the two sick band members and Liam nodded, not daring to start talking as he only whimpered. Zayn put his arm around Liam and gently led him out of the room to the sofa where Louis was sitting, texting someone.

“Where are his pain meds? Niall really hurt him?”

Louis got up to get them before sitting down on Liam’s other side, “What hurts?”

“Everything” Liam gasped out, shakily reaching out to take the meds before elaborating, “I think he forgot. He just jumped on me crying when I came in”

“Well, shit” Louis sighed, “What are we going to do when you guys get sick as well?”

“We won’t” Liam said, “We can’t”

“We literally can’t” Zayn added, “I’ll have to call Robert back, that was perfect timing to freak him out, I think”

Louis laughed which made Liam chuckle as well.

“I asked my mum again, by the way, if we can do anything else, but apparently not much” Louis told them. The three of them all seemed equally frustrated and exhausted by the time they were ready to go to bed. While Harry had kept on sleeping, Niall had been up two more times, once to throw up and the other time to cry about feeling horrible. Liam sat with him, not caring about how clingy Niall could be while sick. When Zayn called back Robert, he had to hand the phone over to Louis at some point who tried to convince the man that they were fine as well. Zayn was questioning himself by the end of that call and saw Louis struggle as well. They finally seemed to agree on something, though.

“He’s sending Paul over in the morning to check in on us and Katie as well, since she can start working with Liam again, apparently” Louis told him with a sigh, “I don’t think he believed us when we said we’d be fine”

A little later Zayn fought with Liam to get him away from Harry and Niall for the night.

“You are going to get hurt, seriously, you can stay with Louis and I’ll stay in the living room. I’ll see if something is wrong” Zayn told him, and Liam still wasn’t happy but complied.

Neither of them got any sleep really during the night. The two youngest band members kept waking up and throwing up, only stopping in the early hours of the morning before they fell into a restless, fever induced sleep. Liam who had helped Zayn most of the times didn’t bother going back to bed at some point, just sitting in the armchair with Zayn on the sofa as they talked. Louis came out of the room as well a few times, only bolting when vomit was involved.

True to Robert’s word, Paul showed up at eight in the morning, frowning when he saw the three of them all sitting around the kitchen table with a cup of tea in front of them.

“You boys look like shit. What happened?”

Louis just glared at him as Liam explained, “Niall and Harry got sick somehow”

“I heard that much, they kept you up all night?” Paul asked and they all nodded, then addressed Liam, “Katie will be here soon, she wants to start a few exercises if you are up for it”

“Sure” Liam said, glancing to Harry’s room in concern.

“Alright, well, I have some breakfast for you three and Katie is bringing some soup as well, I think” Paul informed them and got busy in the kitchen. The man made them breakfast and sat with them until Katie showed up with Josh in tow.

“What are you doing here?” Zayn asked confused.

“After Louis weird texts last night, we were worried, and the boys sent me to make sure you were alright!” Josh defended himself, pushing Zayn out of the way so he could sit next to Liam. The both of them were talking to each other in hushed voices just seconds later, ignoring the people around them. Katie wrangled the two boys into the living room a while later, after it was apparent that Liam wouldn’t eat more than a piece of toast to work on his shoulder.

Only a few moments later, Josh reappeared, “I think Niall is throwing up, Liam went after him”

“Bloody hell” Zayn cursed as he ran out of the room, already yelling at Liam, “If you hurt yourself again, I’m going to kill you, Liam!”

“Relax” Liam told him with a frown from where he was kneeling next to a crying Niall again, “You need to calm down or I’m not leaving”

“You need to stop running after them! We are capable of taking care of these two, you need to sit this out” Zayn just countered and pushed him out of the way to look after Niall. Josh had seen the whole exchange and mustered Liam who seemed pretty upset at Zayn’s words.

“Come on, Li, let’s go back to Katie” Josh pulled him up into a hug and led him out of the room. They sat down and Liam, even though he did as told by Katie seemed a little more down than before, despite Josh’s attempts at cheering him up. After an hour or so of exercises, Liam was exhausted and in pain again.

“Robert and I are working out a schedule for this at the moment and he’ll probably send it to you, once we finalised it” Katie told Liam, “Keep up the exercises I showed you but do not push yourself in the meantime, alright?”

Liam nodded slowly, before turning to Josh and grabbing the boy’s arm until he was close enough for Liam to lean against him. Katie laughed at his antics before going to the kitchen to talk to Louis and Paul for a little while.

“Are you okay?” Josh asked Liam who snuggled against him, almost climbing on top of him as well in the process.

“Hm, fine” Liam sighed and let his eyes fall closed as Josh chuckled softly, then Liam added, “Glad you are here”

“Yeah, me too” Josh smiled, “You need to start having your phone with you. It scares me when you don’t answer me”

“I will, sorry” Liam promised, then looked around the room, “Well, once I figure out where I left it”

Josh chuckled at him for a moment in amusement before the two of them fell into a comfortable silence. The room wasn’t silent though, they could hear Zayn talking to Niall and Louis rummaging around in the kitchen still.

“You like that one?” Josh broke the silence with a soft whisper quite some time later, almost startling Liam who had absentmindedly played with the older drummer’s wristbands. Josh was always wearing a few, some were from concerts he had attended, others were just some he liked. Liam nodded, but let go of the wristband, replying, “It’s new”

“Yeah” Josh nodded slowly, his voice low.

“I like the colours, like a rainbow” Liam explained, then added sheepishly, “Sorry if it annoyed you”

“Oh, no, not at all, was just wondering, you usually don’t play with them” Josh just shrugged and shook his wrist a little, making the wristbands sort themselves out, then reached out with his other hand to pull it off. Liam was watching him contently and a little curious but smiled widely when Josh took his left arm gently and put it on him.

“There you go” Josh said just as softly, “Now you have your own rainbow, sunshine”

Liam couldn’t stop the wide smile as he looked up at Josh, “I can’t just take it”

“You can if I’m giving it to you, don’t worry” Josh chuckled and pulled Liam’s head against his chest again, “Relax, Liam”

Liam did as told, melting against Josh, his smile never leaving his face.

“Josh!” Zayn called out from the other room, startling the pair who was still just resting on the sofa, he looked definitely stressed as he asked, “Would you mind running to the chemist real quick? We need some things, but Harry won’t let Louis go and Niall refuses to leave the bathroom in case he gets sick again, I can’t leave him alone”

“Sure, no problem” Josh nodded, “What do you need?”

The drummer was already sitting up and untangling himself from Liam as Zayn listed of everything they needed. Josh nodded, “Sure, I’ll pick up something to eat as well. I don’t think either of you wants to cook, right?”

“That would be amazing!” Louis yelled from Harry’s bedroom while Zayn nodded thankfully.

“C-can I come?” Liam asked softly, looking up at Josh with unsure and worried eyes. The older boy looked over at Zayn who shrugged before nodding while asking, “Are you sure you are up for this?”

“Honestly” Liam admitted, “I don’t know, but I want to try?”

“Alright” Josh nodded, “Then let’s try this”

Liam quickly threw on a hoodie, not caring enough to change out of his sweatpants while Josh already got his shoes on and waited for him at the door. He helped Liam with his shoelaces even though the other felt embarrassed about it. Zayn stopped them just as they were about to get out of the door, holding Liam’s phone, “I want you both to have your phones on in case something happens, or you get separated. And watch out for fans, please”

Liam nodded slowly and Josh smiled, “Hey, we found your phone!”

Liam laughed and walked out the door behind his friend. Soon the two of them were out on the streets and Liam realised anxiously that they were definitely busier compared to when he had gone grocery shopping with Louis and Niall. He had trouble to stop people from bumping into him since he was still walking a little slow with only a slight limp. Josh had been walking on his right side but after a close call with some pedestrian, Liam quickly moved to Josh’s other side, moving in close, scared of someone coming near his collarbone. Josh seemed to notice that and threw his arm around Liam’s shoulder, pulling him against his side which made Liam immediately feel a lot safer and more protected. Liam was glad that they were not talking at the moment since all his attention was on his surroundings and the people around him and he wouldn’t be able to follow a conversation at all.

Inside the chemist, there were barely any people and Liam breathed out a relieved sigh as he just could stand beside his friend, leaning into him a little while Josh took care of everything, making sure they had everything they needed. Just as Josh was paying, the doorbell rung, announcing someone entering and Liam flinched violently, immediately reaching out and grabbing a hold of Josh’s arm who looked at him in confusion and worry once he saw the scared look on Liam’s face.

When the customer had moved on to a shelf, not even paying any attention to them, Liam lessened his grip and let out a shuddering breath. “You are safe, Liam, nothing is going to happen, it was just another customer”, Josh whispered comfortingly as he had finished paying and they turned to leave.

“I’m sorry” Liam whimpered, still holding on to Josh, who shook his head.

“Don’t be, I get it and you’ll get used to this again. No need to worry, we’ll just keep working on this” Josh said gently, before asking, “So, what do you want to eat?”

Liam frowned at him, before sighing and stopping Josh who was about to leave the building, “Wait, I can’t think outside”

Josh looked utterly confused at that, but did as told, “Sure”

“Can we get Chinese?” Liam asked after a few moments of contemplating.

“Your choice, really. Zayn and Lou will be fine with whatever and the others are definitely not eating no matter what we get it” Josh shrugged, “And I think Chinese sounds great, actually”

Liam smiled at him and nodded, “Okay”

Half an hour later the both of them entered the flat of their friends again, just to find all four of the other band members passed out in Harry’s bed, looking exhausted but peaceful. Josh and Liam let them sleep and settled back on the sofa, talking, and eating, well trying to eat in Liam’s case, but still. Louis was the first to come out of the room over an hour later, smiling when he saw that Liam had a half finished take out container next to him.

“We got everything Zayn wanted, and we got Chinese, it’s in the kitchen” Josh informed him and Louis took the bag before disappearing back into the room, probably getting the two sick boys to take some medicine. He returned with Zayn in tow and the two boys joined Josh and Liam on the sofa.

“Are they okay?” Liam asked in concern, glancing over to where the two youngest band members were sleeping.

“They will be” Zayn tried to assure him while Louis said, “I think they are done throwing up finally, it’s just the fever that’s messing with them now”

“Yeah, that is annoying” Zayn nodded, “Niall gets really clingy and upset while Harry just wants to sleep and cuddle”

Liam looked heartbroken at that. He wanted to help his boys and comfort them as well.

“We have that interview scheduled for tomorrow“ Louis started looking unsure, „I’d like to do it, still. Would you be okay alone with these two, Liam?“

“Yeah, sure” Liam nodded quickly.

“Just try and keep away from Niall if possible” Zayn suggested with a little chuckle that earned him a glare from Liam.

“He just forgot” Liam told him, “We’ll be fine for a while alone. I’m not completely incapable, you know?”

“No one is saying that” Louis told him sincerely, “We know you practically ran this band until you got hurt, but we still worry and we will worry until you are all healed up again”

Liam sighed a little, “I know… kind of… I just feel so useless right now when you don’t even think I can be left alone with Harry and Niall just because they are sick”

For a few moments neither said anything, not knowing how to make Liam feel better about this, until Louis joked, “It’s more about leaving them alone with you. They are the ones we don’t trust”

“Hey, that’s mean” Harry startled them all with his rough and tired sounding voice, coming from just behind them. The youngest band member was slowly shuffling out of his room, blanket wrapped around himself, looking pale and exhausted.

“What are you doing up? Go back to bed” Liam asked concerned, “Are you feeling okay?”

“Don’t want to sleep anymore” Harry mumbled as he arrived at the sofa and squeezed himself between Liam, who was leaning against Josh, and Louis on the sofa, curling up immediately. Liam sat up a little and put his left hand on Harry’s forehead with a frown, “You still have a fever”

“It’s cause I’m hot” Harry grinned dopily up at Liam who chuckled at that, “Sure you are”

“If you get me sick as well, I’ll kill you” Louis said, pushing Harry off of him as the boy had leaned against him.

“You slept in the same bed, Lou, I think it doesn’t really matter if he cuddles you now” Josh told him with a laugh, pulling Liam against himself again, chuckling even more as Harry leaned into Liam instead of Louis now. Somehow the two younger boys ended up almost on top of Josh, hugging each other and using him as a pillow at the same time.

“When did I agree to this?” Josh asked exasperated as he found himself unable to move. Zayn and Louis simply laughed out loud while Liam asked worriedly, “Do you want us to go?” Harry on the other hand just seemed to ignore him, hiding his face in Liam’s side.

“You agreed when you became Liam’s favourite” Louis told him, “Liam often comes with Niall or Harry attached to him”

“You guys are the weirdest lads I have ever met” Josh just shook his head, his hand moving up to rub comforting circles on Liam’s side just out of habit.

“You still love us, right?” Harry now asked with a soft voice and wide eyes which made Josh smile gently at him.

“Of course, how could I not?” Josh told him with a shake of his head.

The boys stayed like this for the rest of the evening. Harry and Liam were both fast asleep half an hour later, not letting Josh move away from them at all while Louis and Zayn occasionally got up and pretty much entertained themselves with Niall not waking up during the afternoon. When it was time for Josh to leave, it was a whole task to get up without waking the three youngest band members. With Zayn’s help and Louis’ annoying comments and laughter Josh somehow wiggled out from under them and arranged Liam and Harry as comfortable as possible as they lied them down again. Neither of them woke up, even though Liam was reluctant of letting Josh who he had been holding on to him, even in his sleep.


	12. Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Check out the other Liam-Centric hurt/comfort I just wrote and posted, it's called 'Heavy is the head...'  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/28054143

The next morning was hectic. While Harry seemed to slowly be feeling better, Niall couldn’t shake the rather high temperature and stomach pains he was still experiencing. Louis and Zayn were rushing to get ready for the interview which they had decided they would do from Louis’ room while the other three were still free to roam the rest of the flat. Just as the two oldest had left the room and Harry was in the kitchen with a bowl of soup, finally eating something again Niall stumbled out of the youngest boy’s room, looking pale and shaky.

Liam startled from where he was sitting on the sofa with a comic in hand, immediately getting up and meeting Niall halfway, “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Liam” Niall just said, looking scared and small as he curled himself around Liam, the taller boy wrapping his left arm around Niall and hugging him back as much as he could with his other arm still in the sling. He could feel Niall shaking a little and tears wetting his shirt just moments later, “Niall, what’s wrong?”

He still didn’t get an answer so he moved them to the sofa where they could sit, and he could cuddle the Irish boy better.

“Damn, you feel really hot again, when did you last take something for your fever?” Liam sighed, looking worried towards the kitchen where Harry was watching them. Niall just sniffled loudly, shaking his head. Harry came over with some meds and water which Liam tried to get Niall to take and drink. Afterwards he held Niall close to his chest and just let him be for a few moments, before trying to figure out what was wrong again.

“I thought you were dead” Niall admitted in a stutter after a while, “And I was trapped”

“What?” Liam paled a little at that while Harry nodded, “You had a n-nightmare?”

Niall nodded at Harry, before adding, “D-don’t feel good, too”

“Your stomach hurting again?” Liam asked softly, trying to comfort Niall as much as possible. The younger one nodded with a grimace, trying to hide his face against Liam’s chest again who just let him. Liam could still feel and hear Niall crying quietly, “There’s no need for you to be scared anymore. I’m okay and you are as well, we are all fine and alive, no need to worry or cry”

“I’m sorry” Niall replied, sniffling again, “S always so real”

“Always?” Liam asked softly, looking even more concerned as Harry almost mirrored him, moving closer, asking, “Does that happen often?”

Niall just nodded slowly.

“How long has this been happening?” Liam asked and Niall shrugged, “F-forever”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Harry seemed upset at that question.

Niall just groaned and tried to turn a little, his arms wrapping around his stomach in pain. Things then happened way too fast for either of the boys to process. Harry wanted an answer and rather harshly repeated his question as Liam sent him a warning glance which quickly turned into shocked wide eyes as Niall suddenly tried to jump up, surging forwards, trying to push himself off Liam. Liam gasped in pain as Niall hit his collarbone and arm as the younger one abruptly started throwing up, all over himself and Liam as he simultaneously burst into tears. Harry stood up in surprise, next to them, unsure what to do while Liam tried to calm Niall down all while trying to come to terms with having been thrown up on.

“Help me get him to the bathroom” Liam said, trying to get up and Harry did as told, both of them managing to get Niall into a bathroom where Liam somehow got the feverish and disoriented younger boy into the shower, before peeling off his own shirt as well with a groan, “Shit”

“A-are you okay?” Harry asked him worriedly, looking rather shaky himself now, his face pale. Liam nodded immediately, “Of course, yeah, just… can you get us some new clothes?”

Liam tried to wash himself in the sink as good as possible before taking the clothes Harry had brought. Niall was still crying once he got out of the shower and Liam told Harry, “Help him get dressed while I try and clean up in the living room. Watch out in case he gets sick again”

Liam quickly worked on getting the living room cleaned up again, opening the windows to get some fresh air in as well. Just as he was finishing up, Harry led a pale but not crying anymore Niall out of the bathroom to his own room. Liam quickly rose from where he was leaning over and picking something off the floor which turned out to be a mistake as he could feel the blood rushing through his head and black spots appeared in front of him. He swayed for a few moments and heard Harry call his name, managing to catch himself just in time. He still felt dizzy and out of it as he tried to assure Harry, he was fine. Apparently, he was convincing as Harry went on, getting Niall settled in bed. Harry was next to him what felt like two milliseconds later, grabbing is arm. Liam could see the lines of pain and paleness on Harry’s face, and mentioned it slowly, “You are still sick”

“Yeah, and you almost passed out” Harry growled at him, pushing him down in the armchair, “I’m getting Lou”

“No, let him be” Liam protested, “I’m okay now, just got dizzy because I got up too fast!”

Harry hesitated long enough for Liam to grab his arm, “Go check on Niall, please, I’ll be fine, I promise. I won’t do anything, just don’t…”

“Alright, no need to panic” Harry sighed, “But I’m texting them to hurry up”

Liam nodded at that and let go of Harry who went to his room to look after Niall while Liam let himself sink into the cushion of the armchair; his eyes fluttering closed exhaustedly. Harry was right, he still felt like passing out and somehow taking care of Niall had exhausted him. After a few moments though he could move without black spots clouding his vision again, so he returned to his task of cleaning up the living room with his head still swimming. It felt like it took forever and once he was done, he walked over to the room where the two youngest were both resting now. Niall was whimpering in his sleep and tossing and turning while Harry seemed dead to the world, having passed out on top of the covers. Liam sat on the edge of the bed next to Niall worriedly.

After checking Niall’s temperature again, the younger one woke up and Liam sat with him, cuddling him and talking to him until he felt into a more restless sleep and Liam let out a breath of relief after a while, getting up again. For a few moments, his vision blacked out again, but he continued on, needing to get a shower, and wanting to change into his own more comfortable clothes.

After he retrieved some of his own clothes, he stopped, though. The last time he had tried to take a shower while feeling this faint, he hadn’t been able to get up again on his own. He definitely didn’t want a repeat of that. Even thinking about how scared and helpless he had felt, made him feel dizzy again. Once again, he felt useless and alone.

Liam took a few deep breaths; he couldn’t let this happen now. He needed to keep it together and watch his younger band mates. He needed to be okay and he could freak out later, once the older boys were back. He could just shower later when he was feeling better. He just needed to feel better.

While Liam was still fighting with himself, he heard some noise coming from the other room and he rushed back in to check on Niall and Harry. They were both still asleep but had both moved closer to each other and Harry was now halfway under the blankets. Liam felt relief wash over him once again as he sunk down on the edge of the foot of the bed, feeling the need to sit down for just a moment.

“Liam” Louis’ voice startled him, and he realised that some time must have passed. He barely could make out Louis with the darkness clouding his eyes and he felt himself sway a little again.

“Careful, hey, Li, what’s going on?” Zayn’s hands were on him a moment later, steadying him.

“I’m okay” Liam told them, realising that his voice sounded a little faint.

Harry was awake as well apparently, as he spoke up, “Niall had a nightmare and threw up all over Liam and the living room. We made him shower and took care of him and Liam tried to clean up, but I think he got really dizzy again as well. He didn’t want me to get you and I think I passed out, too”

Liam nodded, confirming what his friend said, “Just tired now… wanted to shower but… didn’t want to get dizzy again, so I waited”

“Well, leaving you three alone never ends well, does it?” Louis sighed in a joking manner, but his eyes were clouded with concern and guilt.

“Niall has nightmares” Liam started, sounding more alert now, “I die in them, apparently”

“We can talk to Niall later about this” Zayn told him gently, “You still want to take that shower?”

Liam nodded slowly and moved to stand up, feeling Zayn’s steadying hand on his back. He still felt dizzy but now that he knew the others were aware, he wasn’t as scared anymore to actually pass out. He let himself be guided to the bathroom and Zayn made him promise to leave the door unlocked and call if he felt faint again. Once again, Liam struggled, he could barely tell which side was up and once he stepped out of the shower it got worse. Barely managing to get on his shorts, Liam then slowly tried to move to sit down but he couldn’t manage to take one step before his world tilted sideway. He managed to grab onto the sink and slow down his fall as he sunk to the floor. First, he hoped the spots dancing behind his eyes would disappear again like before, but they didn’t.

“Z-Zayn!” he called out, grimacing at the sound of his own voice. But he was heard, and Zayn was with him just moments later.

“D-don’t… ff” Liam tried to explain, reaching out for his friend, but Zayn quickly hushed him and picked him up, only making his head swim more with the movement. Louis was there as well, and he was passed something to drink.

“Drink, we figured out that neither of us made sure you ate today” Zayn explained, “No wonder you are about to pass out”

Liam struggled to open the cap of the sports drink he had been passed and Louis did it for him. He managed to take a few sips before groaning a little. He felt so weird and exhausted.

“Nope, Liam, you are finishing this” Louis sounded serious and almost angry, so Liam tried to follow his instruction, finishing over half of that bottle. Afterwards he was handed a bowl with soup and frowned at it.

“Eat” was all Louis told him as Zayn said, “Seriously, Liam, you need to eat something and that’s the only thing we actually have prepared that’s healthy”

Liam was shaking as he picked up the spoon, frowning even worse at Louis and dropping it again.

“Ah, right, sorry” Louis shook his head as he took away the spoon and Liam just went to drink some of the broth until he was given a fork. Liam finished half of the bowl before slowing down a little and having to force himself to keep going again. He did feel better by that time, though, still exhausted, and weird but his head didn’t swim anymore, and the black spots had fully disappeared.

“Are you feeling better now?” Louis asked softly and Liam realised that he had been watching him closely during the last few minutes, before nodding.

“Good, try and keep eating, please” Louis told him gently before getting up.

“Where’s Zayn?” Liam asked, stopping Louis.

“With Niall, he woke up and they are okay. He’s just sitting with them” Louis said, “Do you need anything?”

Liam shook his head slowly and watched as Louis disappeared into the kitchen. Somehow Liam managed to finish the whole bowl of soup and while he felt a little uncomfortable afterwards, he still was proud of himself for doing so.

“You might kill me for suggesting that, but do you want some more?” Louis asked, leaning against the doorframe with a little smile. Liam just shook his head slowly, “Definitely not”

“Yeah, I thought so, but you feel okay now, right?”

Liam nodded this time, “Yeah, sorry, I didn’t… realise”

“We know, don’t worry, we didn’t really think about it either” Louis shrugged, “We have to keep on working on this, though”

Liam nodded, “I know”

A little while later they were joined by Zayn, Niall and Harry who all seemed to be a little more alert even though Niall refused to let go of Zayn, still feeling clingy and looking upset. After everyone tried to assure the other that they were fine, the attention shifted to Harry who once again asked Niall about his nightmares.

“Told you about it before, though” Niall explained, looking upset that they didn’t remember.

“You told us about your recurring dream you get when you are stressed out, but you never mentioned anything about dreaming about one of us dying!” Louis shook his head, “We think that’s a little different, and you said it barely happened anymore, that it was more of a thing when you were a kid”

Niall nodded, “Well, but… that’s just it, it’s still like that. It happened a few times on tour and I mean… after we got hurt it evolved a little, I think… things just scared me, and I think… I don’t really know”

Liam felt guilty, knowing it was his fault that Niall’s nightmares increased and had changed.

“I just… I have been stressed and that just triggers it, I think and… I don’t know why I should have said something, I’ve just been dealing with this like always and I am okay. If it’s really bad like today I come to you. Like that one time I went to you guys and Louis helped me calm down” Niall explained.

“That was the night we overslept, right? And forgot Liam’s meds then” Harry nodded, remembering it as he nodded towards Liam. Niall nodded, “Exactly”

“I’m sorry, it’s my fault they got worse” Liam said, looking sincerely upset at that.

“No, it’s not” Niall looked almost angry at that, “That’s got like nothing to do with you. It’s my mind dealing with things and if it wasn’t you getting hurt, I’d probably have nightmares of Simon. It doesn’t really matter. I mean that you got hurt definitely contributed but it’s not the only reason”

“Sorry” Liam replied, not sure how to react to an upset Niall while he was still feeling so vulnerable himself. He also didn’t really believe his friend. His explanation just sounded wrong.

“Well, now that we cleared that up… Niall, let us know if it gets worse and get us if you need us or want a hug or anything, okay? We want to help, let us, please” Zayn said, effectively ending the conversation on that topic when Niall nodded.

“Great, so, next thing, Liam, we need to figure something out, like seriously” Louis said, and they all knew what he was talking about. Liam paled and panic rose in his chest which he desperately tried to keep in.

“Liam, breathe, we are trying to help you” Zayn told him softly and Liam tried to follow his instruction. He knew that, technically, somehow his mind just went into panic mode whenever this was mentioned.

“I have… two things to, like, I don’t know… they might explain or help, or I don’t… from therapy… like” Liam stuttered, his words stumbling over each other, not forming any coherent sentence.

“One thing after the other, Liam, don’t deflect, please” Zayn shook his head, looking a little disappointed.

“I’m not… I’m trying to… explain” Liam said frustrated. Louis smiled, “Alright, take your time and explain, we are here and listening, love”

Liam nodded, taking a moment to gather his thoughts, “I just… she said… she wants, wait, okay… She says I have really bad anxiety that… kind of… and I’m apparently developing an eating disorder or something and these two like… support each other and she wants me to… I don’t want to, but she wants me to take like medication for the anxiety thing… I really don’t want to and then… then she explained that I have to get better or… or she’ll have to… like do things to help me, but I don’t want that either and it scares me”

The boys looked rather confused at that explanation. Harry was the first to speak up, “So, wait, did I get this right? You have anxiety and an eating disorder, and she wants you to take meds to help with that, which you don’t want?”

Liam nodded.

“And what was that about if you don’t get better?” Louis asked, carefully.

“Stupid things” Liam shrugged, “Not doing it”

“Care to explain what those things are?”

“Different treatment… like… I don’t know, I’m not crazy” Liam just said, looking rather upset at that.

“Alright, would you mind if we asked her what that means?”

“Don’t care” Liam just mumbled.

“Okay… but you should, since you have been getting rather worse than better lately with that particular thing” Niall interjected, “Like, it’s not that unlikely to happen”

“It is, cause I’m not doing it” Liam glared at him, “I’m not crazy and I am fine, and I definitely don’t have a stupid eating disorder”

“Angry Liam is back, I don’t like that” Harry said softly, his eyes somewhere between scared and worried.

“Liam, let’s take a step back, right? Forget that whole thing we just talked about… Why do you not want to take the medication she wants you to take for… anxiety, it’s called?” Louis asked, changing the subject just lightly.

“I’m not crazy or sick and I don’t… I just don’t… I googled them, it’s… scary” Liam said slowly.

“But if they really could help… why don’t you at least try them? They can’t make things worse, right?” Niall asked, “And she knows what she is doing, so I don’t think it could be a bad thing”

“They can make things worse, side effects and stuff” Liam mumbled, looking suddenly extremely tired of this conversation, the anger from just seconds ago having vanished.

“Give us some time to research this as well and then we can talk about it again” Louis suggested, “We can’t decide this for you but we can give you our opinions on this and you can decide afterwards, alright? If you really don’t want to, we’ll just have to try and find another solution that works for you”

Liam liked that answer and nodded with a gentle smile, before it fell again, “Uhh… one more thing”

“What?” Harry looked slightly alarmed.

“Apparently you guys are my security blanket and I need to let you go” Liam seemed like he almost directly quoted this sentence, “Like, for real… she made me tell her why I panicked in the store and how I panic when we go outside and I can’t see either of you and stuff and she says I need to start… like, doing things alone again? I don’t like it, but I think I agree?”

“I don’t like that either” Louis just said, looking sad, “I don’t want to let you out of my sight unless you are either with one of us or Dan’s band”

Liam nodded, “Scares me”

“But she is right” Zayn just stated carefully, “It’s not healthy or good for either of us if you get a panic attack when we get separated. We can’t stay together all the time on tour and stuff”

“I’m fine with Paul around, usually” Liam seemed to protest and neither really replied to that.

“She suggested something…” Liam sighed after a while, “We only have a few more weeks left and you are supposed to go home and spend time with your family and she wants me to spend time with mine as well, without you guys”

“No, definitely not. You are not going home alone” Louis shook his head again.

“Yeah, I don’t want that either” Niall said, “I’ll just be scared all the time”

“Well, I’m supposed ask my sisters to come by and I can still call Josh and Dan if needed. These are the rules and you guys are supposed to go home for like a week” Liam said slowly, “But she doesn’t want to do that until I’m better with… like, the other thing, too”

“Great, now I get why you were so grumpy after your last session” Louis sighed, “I want to punch something, too”

Liam just looked at him a little surprised, “I thought I was crazy for being upset about it… It’s weird, though, right?”

“A little, but I don’t care. It’s stupid, because I think she doesn’t get that we are like brothers and you don’t just leave your family, right? We are definitely family, not just friends, right?” Niall sounded unsure as he explained that and even more relieved when he received positive feedback and agreement from the other four.

“Yeah, we are definitely family” Louis smiled, “And we take care of each other… I mean… I have eight younger siblings now, I guess, but who cares?”

Zayn and Harry laughed at his little joke while Liam and Niall just smiled.

“So… how was the interview?” Liam asked after a while, trying to definitely change the topic of the conversation for now.

Zayn and Louis both burst out laughing.

“Funniest thing ever!”

“They were so confused, didn’t even know which one we were. They thought I was Niall” Zayn managed to get out between laughter.

“Oh, and I was Harry! It was so much fun! And we might have spilled the secret about your dinosaur obsession, Li” Louis added.

Niall frowned, “If you made fun of Ireland again, I will hurt you”

“I might be scared now if you weren’t too weak to even get up on your own, mate” Louis laughed at Niall who still was obviously sick and pale. The blonde still reached out, trying to hit the older boy who moved out of the way with another laugh.

“Don’t be mean, he’s sick” Zayn wrapped his arm around Niall protectively, but he was still smirking as well.

“I’m not obsessed” Liam mumbled.

“You wanted to order life sized dinosaurs that one night on tour, love, you are obsessed” Louis told him with a shake of his head which made Liam pout but not protest.

The rest of the evening went by without another hitch and even the next morning they all managed to relax and do nothing but eat and sleep again as Harry was definitely better by now and Niall was finally breaking through his fever. Both of them were still rather lethargic and exhausted but eating and joking around. In the afternoon Robert called again, asking to talk to them all again as well. They scheduled it for later that evening when the man promised to come by with dinner, asking them to think about the question they had parted with at their last conversation.

“Did you think about it, yet Liam?” Zayn asked the injured boy who shook his head, “I don’t want to”

After Robert arrived, they all settled around the kitchen table with dinner again as Louis provided them with tea as well. Liam felt anxious and scared and already sick just looking at his food. Zayn nudged him while they were still catching up with Robert and Liam just shook his head slowly, before whispering, “I c-can’t” when Zayn didn’t let up.

It of course caught the attention of the rest of the table and Liam wanted to die again; he didn’t want to deal with this anymore. Luckily, Robert didn’t mention anything, and they continued their dinner which Lam didn’t touch. Once the rest of the table was done, they started to talk about more serious things.

“I have two things I want to address today at least. One, the question I asked you last time, did you have a chance to think about it?” he looked primarily at Liam who seemed uncomfortable, fidgeting in his seat, hoping that someone else was going to answer.

“Can we do this last? Figure out the other things first before we get into that?” Louis asked, fortunately and Liam had never been so grateful.

“Sure, the next thing is. I need you boys to try and be a little more careful when you are in public or in an interview” the man started, confusing all of the boys properly, causing them to promptly question what he meant.

“First of all… yesterday, Louis you left your phone on the table, open for everyone to read your last messages. I don’t think either of you realised, but the fans now know about what happened yesterday…”

“Fuck” Louis cursed with wide eyes as Harry said, “Oh no, my texts?”

“Yeah” Robert confirmed. Zayn knew what they were talking about while Liam and Niall were still a little confused.

“I texted Lou what was going on after you almost passed out and Niall was sick” Harry told them, and Liam immediately paled, feeling overwhelmed as he asked in a low and scared voice, “What exactly did you say?”

Louis pushed his phone over the table towards Niall and Liam. The both of them quickly read it, feeling sick and horrible afterwards.

Harry:

Please hurry up. Niall threw up all over Li and Li almost passed out a few times, I think he didn’t eat again. Don’t know what to do, I’m tired

Louis:

Will you be okay for five more minutes?

Harry:

Think so?

“T-the fans saw that?” Liam asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Yes, some” Robert nodded, “We got them to cut it out once we realised and there were only a few people who saw it, so most of them think it’s fake, the screenshots that are going around twitter right now”

“Oh god…” Liam muttered, feeling faint.

“I’m sorry?” Louis sounded guilty and worried at the same time again which made Liam in turn feel guilty again, “Not your fault”

“It kind of is” Louis sighed, looking not convinced.

“What is done, is done, though, there is no need to worry about it now. I just want you boys to know that when you are in interviews or in public, you are being watched and often recorded. Keep that in mind and be careful, no more” Robert told them, “Next I have some pictures from paparazzi of Liam and Josh that were taken this week”

“Huh?” Liam looked up confused.

“It sparked quite the conversation and assumptions have been thrown around” Robert said, before looking rather uncomfortable as he asked, “Your private life is your private life but I want you to try and tell me these things before if possible, so we can make sure no rumours start spreading, especially when making such a statement”

Liam looked even more confused when Robert pointedly looked at him and glanced down at his arm that was resting on top of the table. He was still wearing Josh’s wristband and frowned and Robert, “What?”

“Oh no” Liam heard Harry almost amusedly say next to him.

“What?” Liam asked again, “I don’t know what you are talking about? So, I was outside with Josh to run some errands, what is wrong with that? And why do you keep looking at Josh’s wristband?”

Zayn now caught on as well, starting to laugh out loud while Louis started to chuckle seconds later, saying, “He doesn’t know what it means, Robert. Liam is oblivious to these things”

“I’m still lost” Liam muttered, feeling frustrated that no one bothered to explain what has been going on.

Robert seemed to take pity on him as he pulled out a tablet and gave it to Liam, “Here are a few of the articles the media has made up about you two. They think you and Josh are in a relationship, because you were so close, and you were wearing a rainbow wristband”

Liam frowned, “I still don’t get why the rainbow- oh, wait, what?”

Liam was still confused, asking the question as he was looking through the articles and headlines. He didn’t really care that there were rumours about him being in a relationship, they were just friends. But it was unusual for it to not be some girl, but one of his best mates. Then his eyes stumbled over an article explaining how the rainbow flags and anything rainbow really stood for the gay community and he realised what the others had been talking about.

“Is that… like a bad thing that I was wearing it? Because I didn’t know? I don’t… wait, does that… wait a second, Josh?” Liam thought out loud, still working his way through the facts he just learned.

“Mate don’t tell me you and Josh never talked about this” Harry laughed out loud, “We’ve all heard more than enough about his last boyfriend, Drew. He was a real douche”

“Wait, Drew was his boyfriend, not his friend?” Liam asked, eyes widening, “Oh… oh, that actually makes so much more sense!”

The whole room fell into a round of hysterical laughter after that.

“You boys are killing me” Robert was the first to say something again, wiping at his eyes where tears of laughter had escaped him.

“Has Josh seen these? Is he okay with that? I mean, he’s just my best friend, but I don’t-“ Liam suddenly started to panic, and Louis tried to calm him.

“I’m sure he’s fine with it. I mean he is out like on every social media account and everyone knew already, apart from you. Why do you think he owns that wristband?” the oldest band member said, “But you could call him after this and talk maybe?”

“Yeah, right, sure” Liam nodded, turning back to Robert, “Sorry… do I… do we need to do something about this?”

“No, not really, but you could explain it if you wanted transparency. If you two were in a relationship though, I would like to know so we can protect you. There are still quite hateful people out there, even at this point in time where it shouldn’t really matter who you love”

“So, while we are on that topic already…” Harry slowly started, “What would be the rules if either of us… wasn’t exactly… straight?”

Louis laughed loudly at his wording, “Way to go, Harry”

Harry blushed a little, “Well, I don’t know how else to say it?”

“Just say you’re bi, we all know, even Liam this time, right?” Louis smiled and Liam nodded at that, “I do”

“Well, I’m tired of playing this straight asshole with a different girl every week. They made me do it when they found out I had a boyfriend back in school, which I don’t anymore, but…” Harry trailed off, looking rather sad at that.

“We are not going to set you guys up for PR if that’s what you want. If you want to go public with this or with any boyfriend or girlfriend you might have, we can work something out with our team to keep you as safe as possible” Robert offered, “That counts for each of you”

Harry smiled a little, “Thanks… I’ll think about it”

“Does anyone else have any question in that regard? Boyfriend or Girlfriend related?”

“Nah, we are all single right now as well, so not a problem at the moment” Zayn said with a soft chuckle, “And since no one else has come out apart from Josh and Harry, we are fine so far in that department”

“Why does that sound like you are implying that there will be more to come out?” Robert laughed with a shake of his head, “Alright, now that this is cleared up, let’s move on to your schedule”

“The next week you boys have the studio for yourselves with two more interviews as well. Liam also has his therapy session and physical therapy set up as well while you guys do the interviews. The week after that I have kept completely empty apart from Liam’s doctor, PT, and therapy appointments. I want you boys to take the time off and go visit your family or go on holiday, get out of London if possible and just be boys for the time being. If we get the clear for Liam to start working slowly again, we are starting to work on the album and media work as well. The first week will consist of a lot of meetings with the label and management team. Paul and I will be coordinating it as well as be present at all times”

The boys had a few questions regarding the schedule before Zayn realised, “That actually matches up with what Natalie suggested… you think you are ready for that, Liam?”

Liam just shook his head, “No, but I have to try… and if Josh and Dan are still in London, I might be okay, I think?”

“And your sisters wanted to come see you as well, right?” Louis added, “And we can talk every day on the phone”

Liam nodded, still looking frightened but determined as well.

“The next thing we need to talk about is what I mentioned in the beginning as long as you boys don’t have any more questions” Robert stated next.

“Well, Paul knows everything about me basically, me being claustrophobic and stuff” Niall started off with a shrug, “And the rest we already said last times, about breaks and stuff”

He seemed to be almost as uncomfortable as Liam with this topic.

“Yes, we’ve talked about this. We are also increasing security as well. Your previous team did not let him hire any more people to keep you safe for budget reasons which we won’t be doing. Your safety is a priority and Paul is currently planning and managing an expanded team. We’ve heard about your fight ahead of the last tour with the boxes and tunnels? We’ll be trying to not put you in any situations similar to this, Niall. If anything does trigger this, tell us and we’ll find an alternative”

Niall nodded at him gratefully.

“Louis and Zayn get pissed off easily, like, really pissed off. They want to punch people when someone hurts or insults us or their families. You might need to step in when interviewers get rude” Harry said, “I get scared when things get loud and violent, like fireworks, I don’t like that”

Robert noted that, as Louis and Zayn actually looked offended at Harry who shook his head, “Save it, you know I’m right and neither of you would have said anything”

Liam knew it was his turn now to bring up any concerns or anything, but he didn’t feeling nervous and sick at the thought of it, when he could feel the eyes on him.

“I have one thing I wanted to ask you boys about, that concerns me a little, to be honest” Robert started when he didn’t say anything again. Liam didn’t look up at him.

“There have been a few mentions of a topic, like in Louis’ and Harry’s text messages” Liam knew exactly where this was going and also had no idea how to explain it.

“Do you want me to explain or are you going to do it yourself?” Louis asked, voice gentle and soft.

After Liam nodded, Louis said, “You can’t get upset, though if I say something you don’t agree with”

Liam nodded again.

“Alright, well, there are a few things we are struggling with right now, or better said, working on with Liam. Liam gets panicked when we are outside the flat and he’s not with either of us or the boys from the band. When Paul is there it’s okay, but the other day he lost me and Niall in the grocery store and almost had a panic attack. Sometimes he gets panic attacks where we don’t know what triggered them and sometimes, he just passes out. Happened during interviews before as well. Another thing is, what you were talking about… we’ve been talking to his therapist, Natalie a lot about it, that apparently, he developed an eating disorder or something and anxiety. He’s been having dizzy spells because of it and just not been feeling well, too”

Robert looked even more worried at Liam now, “When I said that we want you to be healthy before you start working again, I meant both physically and mentally. This does not sound like you are okay to work, Liam”

Liam just stared at him, mouth falling open in shock.

“I’d like to talk with your therapist if that is alright with you. Not to pry into your personal sessions but to see what she thinks about your overall health and whether she thinks it would be good or bad for you to return to work” Robert continued.

Liam just looked at him again, trying to somehow comprehend the information.

“I know you don’t like the thought of taking more time off, but if you are not eating right and fainting, we can’t do this” Robert said, sounding serious and stern.

Liam flinched a little at the sound of that and couldn’t help the tears burning behind his eyes, trying to push them back. He could feel Zayn’s hand on his lower back and knew it was meant comfortingly, but he still moved away from the touch. Liam wanted to run, to leave the table but with Zayn and Niall on either side of him there was no way out as the wall was behind him.

“Liam, love, stop that, no one is deciding anything yet” Louis spoke up, shaking his head with a sigh and Liam felt guilty for disappointing him again. He tried to stop panicking but it didn’t really work out.

“Come on, let’s get out of here for a moment” Louis stood up from his seat and made Zayn move out of the way so Liam could get up and Liam never loved Louis more than now, as the older boy saw what he needed. A moment away from all the other guys and their eyes and expectations. He sat Liam down in the living room after having closed the door to the kitchen, telling him to breathe and offering comforting words until he felt like he wasn’t dying anymore.

Meanwhile Robert looked even less convinced that Liam was ready for work and said so. Zayn, Harry, and Niall tried to explain everything to him, about what they had talked about with Liam in the last few days, the anxiety and eating disorder, as well as his panic attacks.

Niall brought up another thing, though, “I don’t think it will help if we just keep him from working, because it is not work, not really. Liam loves writing songs, we all do, we love performing and playing shows and meeting fans and I feel if we take that away for longer than necessary it will just do more damage in the end. The only work part of this are meetings and interviews”

“Niall’s got a point there” Harry agreed, “Just keep him out of the interviews and meetings. Problem solved. Maybe talk to Natalie just to be sure, but yeah”

“I agree, too, Louis probably won’t. He’d love to keep Liam as safe as possible and he is a little overprotective as well” Zayn explained, “But I think writing the album would be good for Liam, especially if Dan and Josh will be there as well for recording”

“I was sure they were dating” Robert just said with a shake of his head at that, “I mean, who calls their best friend sunshine?”

Zayn, Harry, and Niall laughed at that as well.

“Like we said, Liam is the most oblivious person ever and Josh is almost as bad. They are practically dating, without actually dating” Harry tried to explain, still chuckling.

“Alright” Robert said, “Good to know, well, I think we’ve covered everything for today. I’ll work on getting measures implemented so you will all be comfortable during future tours and press tours as well.”

Louis entered the kitchen again, with a soft smile on his face.

“Where’s Liam?” Niall asked, trying to look past him as he was closing the door.

“Josh called, complaining that Liam wasn’t answering his text from five minutes ago” Louis explained with a roll of his eyes.

After Robert left that evening, the rest of the week went by rather uneventfully. Harry and Niall finally felt better for good, no trace of exhaustion and sickness left in them. Josh, Dan, Sandy, and Jon stopped by a few times again and they all either played video games, board games or wrote some songs together. Katie came by at the end of the week for another PT session with Liam who had actually looked forward to it, even if he regretted it in the evening when he felt sore all over.

The boys all loved it when they finally were allowed in the studio to write some songs with a team of song writers. Robert and Paul both stopped by during lunch at their first day and had to actually force them to stop and eat with them. Niall and Liam had been sitting on the floor already, messing around with each other every now and then, while Louis and Harry were on the small sofa and Zayn had opted to sit on actual chairs. Paul and Robert sat next to them while the writer they’d been working with had gone out.

“You guys are animals” Zayn told them with a sigh, as Louis and Harry who each had a piece of pizza in their hands, pushed each other until they fell to the floor with loud yells and groans.

“Get them!” Niall on the other hand yelled as he flung himself on top of the pair, Liam following soon after, though, more gingerly. Soon there was a ball of the four boys and their food on the floor as they all yelled and laughed. Liam was the first to pull back, with a little grimace, panting heavily as he moved backwards until he was out of reach. He was still laughing and watching the other three before rather ungracefully getting to his feet and walking over to where Zayn was. The older boy pulled him down on his lap, not letting him go, “Got you”

“Let me go” Liam called out, trying to fight out of Zayn’s grip, but it was no use. After realising that, he just let himself melt against Zayn, enjoying the little cuddle rather than trying to get out of it.

“Boys, your food is getting cold” Paul sternly told them and it was all that was needed for the three on the floor to break off their little play fight, instead attacking the pizza cartons on the table. Liam just cuddled closer to Zayn who pulled away with a laugh, “No way, you are eating, too, Liam”

Liam just groaned softly, definitely not feeling hungry at all.

“Seriously, if you work you eat, that was the deal” Zayn told him.

Liam pushed himself off Zayn’s lap and went back to where he had been sitting on the floor again, looking rather unhappy. Neither of the other people in the room mentioned anything if they did see the interaction between the two bandmates. They just went on with their lunch as before. After that the boys continued to write and record for a little while before Paul asked Liam to the side for a short conversation.

“I’m taking you home, Liam” the man stated, and Liam immediately froze, wondering what he had done wrong, asking it a moment later.

“Nothing, kid, you did nothing wrong. But Robert and I talked to Natalie and we agreed that you will be doing half days instead of full days until you’re at a healthy weight again” the man explained.

“Because I didn’t eat the pizza?” Liam asked, sounding seriously hurt and sad about that.

“No, I would have done this either way. You are still recovering” Paul shook his head.

“I don’t want to be alone” Liam protested, shaking his head, already feeling his hands tremble at that thought.

“I’ll stay with you until the boys are finished, don’t worry”

“I don’t need a babysitter” Liam shook his head again, trying to walk past Paul back to the boys, but the man blocked his way.

“Liam, stop that, you can ask one of the boys to come along or call one of the other boys from the band if you’d rather want them but you are going home to rest” Paul said in his stern voice that left no room for discussion and Liam halted his movements, seemingly contemplating his options. Liam pushed past Paul who let him this time and grabbed his phone of the table and went out the door without another word.

“What was that about?” Zayn asked, looking after their friend worriedly.

“He’s not happy about me taking him home. We are only letting him do half days for now after talking to Natalie and his doctor” Paul explained, before turning to leave as well, just to be met with Liam coming back in again, looking pale. While the two men were confused, the other boys could see it in Liam’s eyes that he had scared himself when he had walked off on his own.

Once they were outside, Paul opened the car door for Liam who climbed inside a little unsteadily and curled up on the seat in the far corner. The man sighed sadly, “You do know I am not trying to punish you, right?”

Liam ignored him, instead typing away on his phone before holding it up to his ear, apparently calling someone.

When Paul closed the car door, he only heard a soft, “Josh?”

He then drove the boy back to his flat and couldn’t help the chuckle that left him when he saw Josh already out front the building, on his phone as well. The drummer ended the call and put his phone away before going to open the car door the second he had parked. When Paul walked around the car, he saw Liam already crying in Josh’s shoulder and wrapping himself around the older boy.

“I’ve got him, thanks, Paul” Josh smiled once they were inside the building and the man had opened the door to Liam’s flat for the boys.

“Call if you need anything. The others shouldn’t be too long now, either” Paul told them before leaving the two boys to it. He went back to the studio to inform Robert and to take the rest of the boys home in a few hours as well.

Back at the studio he was immediately bombarded with questions.

“What did you do?”

“Josh said Liam is crying?”

“Why was he upset?”

“Boys, settle down for a moment, Liam is fine” Paul shook his head a little amused, “But we need to talk about a few things”

They all grumbled as he made them sit down.

“We’ve talked to Natalie and I’ve told Liam that already. He is only working until lunch for the time being. Once he has gained a healthy amount of weight again, he can work full time. Liam didn’t like that information and called Josh the second he was in the care, refusing to talk to me. I need you boys to back off a little and actually let him get angry and sad and upset. He needs to learn to deal with his emotions as well”

Louis immediately started cursing and protesting, which was joined by Zayn and Harry moments later. Niall looked like he wanted to cry.

“Boys stop it! Boys!” Paul had to yell to get their attention again, “You are not listening. I’m not telling you to leave him alone and let him suffer. But to give him enough space to deal with things”

“It’s too early” Louis still protested.

“Natalie thinks otherwise”

“Yeah, she also wants us to leave next week which we don’t!” Zayn replied, “And she only knows what Liam tells her and he mostly still just lies to her”

“Who is the professional, Zayn? You really think she can’t see through Liam’s little denying everything act?” Paul asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes!” Zayn almost shouted, “It’s not fair!”

“I never said it was” Paul told him as well, “I know this has been hard for the four of you as well, but right now you need to listen to what Liam’s doctors are telling us to do, whether you like it or not”

“I definitely don’t like it, but I get it” Harry said, the first to actually talk in a gentler voice, “And Liam wants that, too, even if it scares him right now”

“He’s said before he hates how he relies on us so much now, how he wants to go outside without being scared again” Niall added, thoughtfully.

“Yeah, while that might be true, he still is dangerously underweight, has basically no balance and is clumsy as hell as well” Louis told them with a glare, “Last week he was too scared to take a shower because he almost passed out before and we had to force him to actually drink and eat something. I don’t want him alone in his flat, even if it’s just for a while”

“No one is talking about leaving him alone” Paul shook his head.

“He would be right now if he hadn’t called Josh, though”

“I had planned to stay with him, Louis, we are not stupid” Paul told him, “But when Josh showed up, I thought it was better to leave them alone”

“Yeah, wouldn’t want to get in the way of that either” Harry laughed out loud now.

“I still don’t like it” Louis decided to voice his discontentment once more, but before Paul had to reply to it, Harry pulled him against his side, whispering to him.

“Alright, I’ll be back to pick you up in two hours, so get back to work” Paul sighed and left them alone after that.

Meanwhile back at the flat, Josh had listened to Liam crying and complaining about what had happened. The younger one was thoroughly upset about having been excluded from the band. It never really was about getting to be in the studio or about him actually feeling upset about Paul talking to his therapist, which he had known was going to happen. It was about him being excluded, feeling excluded and all the past trauma and bullying it brought up. He hated not being a part of the group and whatever they were doing. It made him feel like all the times when he was back in school, being excluded during group projects and sports, hearing them whisper behind his back not so subtly and afterwards being hurt once he was alone with his bullies. It hurt and everything reminded him of that time.

While Josh didn’t know how to make him feel better other than trying to point out the differences, like, that they were protecting him, not trying to hurt him, he was feeling for Liam. He could only imagine what Liam had gone through in school judging by his words and knowing Liam, they were the opposite of an exaggeration.

When Liam got himself worked up enough to ask questions, like, why no one loved him and what he did so wrong to deserve this, Josh knew that the boy was not being rational anymore, too far gone in the memories and fears of the past.

“Liam, sunshine, stop, you are okay, take a deep breath” Josh told him softly, interrupting him, “The boys and I love you and your family loves you. You have so many people that love you, so much”

Liam shook his head, trying to get away from Josh, but the older boy didn’t let him go, “No, love, listen to me”

When Liam stopped struggling against him, Josh continued, “We love you Liam, don’t ever question that again and you never, never did anything wrong and you never deserved any of that. You did nothing wrong and we love you”

Liam was still crying but not rambling on about how no one loved him, so Josh counted that as a win. He continued assuring the boy that he was loved and just pulled him against his chest, letting him cry on him.

They were still on the same position on the sofa, Liam asleep on top of Josh, face squished against Josh’s neck with tear tracks still evident on his pale face with red rimmed eyes, when the other four boys came back from the studio. They saw Liam’s face and immediately their happy and content expressions fell from their face.

“Be quiet and sit down” Josh told them, “And drop these faces”

They all scattered around on the floor in front of the sofa, staying close but not wanting to disturb the two boys on the sofa.

“He’s upset because Paul made him leave, right?” Niall asked in a whisper.

“Kind of” Josh sighed, “It’s more about being excluded, though…”

The boys didn’t quite get where he was going at and he explained further what Liam had told him before.

“I’ll stay here tonight” Zayn said, “You boys can go back upstairs and eat dinner, Liam won’t eat, not after all this”

“Great, no lunch, no dinner, barely and breakfast. We are doing great” Louis sounded rather sarcastic as he replied to Zayn.

“We should get him to bed” Harry supplied, “I don’t think he’ll wake up for a while”

“I got it” Josh said and moved around a little before managing to stand up with Liam in his arms, singlehandedly carrying him to his bedroom. Liam felt light and limp in his arms as he got him settled and tucked him in, plugging in the boy’s phone as well before returning to the living room.

“It’s way too easy for us to carry him around. It’s fucking scary” Josh admitted back with the boys.

“Yeah, I never realised it until… last time he almost passed out in the shower, I think I realised for the first time just how bloody skinny he is” Zayn agreed, “It’s fucked up how it didn’t even really click until we were told that he wasn’t eating”

“Yeah, we just missed it” Niall nodded.

“Alright, let’s get out of here and get some dinner” Josh decided to break the tension and usher all the boys apart from Zayn out of the flat, promising to bring back some food for him.

As the week went by, Liam was still upset when he had to leave the boys after lunch in the studio and go home alone. He was always met with one of the other boys, Katie, or Natalie, though. While Liam knew it was all a part of keeping him busy while apart from the band, he didn’t mind. It did help when he was actually doing something instead of sitting around doing nothing. The thing he didn’t like was that after his appointments with either Natalie or Katie, he always was either feeling physically or emotionally vulnerable and sore but was alone for a while until the band came back.

Usually he retreated to texting Josh or his sisters but mostly still felt scared and lonely until they were back. The evenings were mostly spend in his flat until he fell asleep and Liam was grateful the boys stayed until he was passed out as he didn’t think he’d be able to fall asleep alone. He was dreading the following week.

While the boys had gotten quite a lot of work done, written some great songs, and even recorded most of them already, Liam still had not done anything public again. He had gone out to get groceries twice with Louis and Zayn but not left the house other than going to the studio. When it was the night before his four bandmates were going home for a week and his older sisters were going to come and stay with him, Liam was anxious. He was not feeling good and kept waking up. Being alone during the night didn’t make it better as his bandmates would go back to their flat once he had fallen asleep in the evening.

It had happened a few times before, him waking up in the night, but he had always managed to stay calm and go back to sleep, but not this time.

It was the first time since they had stayed in their own flats, that Liam ended up calling Louis. The older boy immediately picked up and asked what was wrong.

“I don’t want to be alone” was all Liam breathed out, sounding probably as upset as he was.

“I’ll be right there” Louis promised, “Let me just tell Harry where I’m going so, he doesn’t worry tomorrow when he’s alone”

Liam nodded, not even realising that Louis couldn’t see him. The older boy then hung up on him, promising to be right there, again. A few minutes later Liam was wrapped in a gently hug.

“What happened, love?” Louis asked softly, getting settled in Liam’s bed and keeping the boy close.

“I don’t want you to go” Liam simply said, tears glistening in his eyes already again.

“You are safe with your sisters and Josh is just a call away” Louis tried to tell him.

“It’s not the same, I need you guys” Liam argued, “I don’t want to get hurt again”

“You won’t” Louis said sharply, “Liam, they won’t ever hurt you again, no one will”

“You can’t promise that” Liam shook his head, “I hate feeling like this”

“I know” Louis sighed.

They stayed silent for a while after that, but neither really could fall back asleep and Liam was actually glad that he had called Louis, the other boy a steady presence to keep his anxiety at bay.


	13. Thirteen

The next morning Niall was the first one to leave, his flight making them all get up early and meet up in Liam’s flat to say goodbye. They each hugged him tight and long, not wanting to part ways, but in the end, it was Liam who pushed him out the door with well-meant scolding words, not wanting the boy to miss his flight. Harry was next, getting picked up by his sister as they wanted to spend the next two days together before both going home to see their parents. Harry also had planned to stay a few days with his dad, having to split his time between his parents. Louis and Zayn both had a little more time and could see how, as time went on, Liam got more tense and quiet. While they wanted to comfort him, there was not much they could do other than the occasional promise that he was safe and could call them at any time and a few hugs.

“We have to go in twenty minutes, how far out are your sisters?” Zayn asked, glancing at his watch with a concerned glance. Liam frowned as he texted Ruth again, before saying, “They texted an hour ago, that traffic was horrible today”

“They might be late” Louis said, “You want to call Josh to wait with you?”

Liam shook his head slowly, “I can wait for a few minutes alone”

Louis and Zayn definitely left late and had to hurry after hugging Liam and saying their goodbyes half an hour later. They didn’t want him to be alone, but the younger boy was adamant about them being on time and leaving, so they did after a lot of arguing and protesting.

“… and don’t forget to eat, oh, and take your pain meds, I know you don’t want to, now that it’s not as bad, but Katie said-“

“Zayn, stop it, I know” Liam almost whined as he watched his friends walk out of the flat. He followed a few steps behind to make sure it’s locked before turning to his empty flat, telling himself that he was fine, and his sisters would be there soon. Trying to distract himself, Liam made himself some tea before going to his bedroom to lie down a little and maybe read. It didn’t work, his mind was racing, and he just couldn’t concentrate on a word he was reading. Frustrated, he kept checking his phone, hoping Ruth would write that they were almost there. Instead, he got two more messages, telling him they were still stuck in traffic.

Liam decided to go on twitter and see what was going on in the world right now, since he hadn’t done that in a while. First thing he did was stumble across the interview Zayn and Louis did, pretending to be Niall and Harry. It was quite fun to watch but Liam only played a snippet of it before scrolling along.

Liam couldn’t help the smiles as he read the recent tweets his bandmates and the band had sent out. Josh was always making him smile and while Liam got annoyed that the older boy kept posting pictures of them, often when Liam was asleep, but also when they were reading comics or from physical therapy as well. He was just glad that Josh didn’t post any of the pictures he took of him shirtless. Louis had posted some pictures of the band cuddled up on the sofa when Niall and Harry had been sick and all of them, but Zayn and Louis had been fast asleep. The older boys were grinning widely at the camera and Louis had tagged it #sickboys #littlebrothers #zzzz

Liam felt content looking at the tweets and pictures until he moved on to the fans comments. It didn’t take long to find the tweets Robert had talked about that speculated about Harry’s tweet and Josh and him. Beneath Louis’ picture the first comment stated: “No wonder Niall threw up on Liam, the way they are all cuddled up and you can’t tell me these boys are straight as well. They are way too close for comfort for boys. ‘brothers’, yeah, right”

Liam frowned at that. He hated when people assumed these things, especially when they were wrong. No wonder Harry struggled to figure out whether or not to be open with his sexuality. The boy looked through more and more comments, reading more and more things, feeling overwhelmed just moments later. There were so many rumours and just lies out there which scared him. While most fans seemed rather worried, sending a few nice tweets his way, other people were rather rude and pretty much horrible.

He found the news videos that showed his friends crying in front of an ambulance and while his memory was failing him, he knew it was from the night Jason and Michael were arrested. It felt weird to see these pictures, of his friends crying, looking terrified and then finding the next slide where a police officer was arresting his attackers. Both of them looked angry and it seemed like they had been yelling. Even though it was just pictures, it sent shivers down his back and somehow his injuries ached worse than before again. A little smile hushed over his face as he saw that he had actually managed to leave a few bruises on these two as well. A second later, he felt horrible for feeling good about this. It was just so confusing.

“Oh no” Liam found himself cursing as he caught himself liking one of the fans’ tweets. He hadn’t even thought about it when he had read it and just liked it. It wasn’t a problem when he liked Josh’s and Louis’ tweets and pictures earlier but liking posts from fans always was risky. It had just been a simple comment, “People should just stop making assumptions” but he knew it would spark a new discussion about what it was.

Groaning Liam threw his phone on the bed in front of him and glanced back at the door. His sisters should have been here over half an hour ago. Where were they? Liam felt scared and frustrated, once again. After he got up and walked through his flat for a while, trying to shake off the nervous energy inside of him, Liam closed his bedroom door, briefly fighting the urge to lock it as well before picking his phone up again.

The fans were already speculating about his like and Liam couldn’t help the shake of his head. They were a little crazy. They were all agreeing though that it must have something to do with Josh and the rainbow wristband. Liam decided that he had been quiet long enough and a few of the things really annoyed him out there.

His first tweet was: “I didn’t mean anything by it, seriously…”

In his next one, he wanted to address the rumours about Josh: “Josh is my friend, and I was just wearing that wristband because I liked the colours… there’s nothing else to it”

The second he posted the second tweet, he got a text message from Louis, “Are they not there yet? Everything okay?”

Liam sighed and answered honestly, “No, starting to get nervous I think… Tried to distract myself with twitter”

Louis called him seconds later and Liam smiled. The other was still in a car apparently and asked, “Did they say how long it will be?”

“No, Ruth just said they are still stuck in traffic” Liam replied with a sigh, before adding, “Our fans are really weird”

“Yeah, true, but they love us, and they mean well”

“I know, well, most of them, anyways”

“What did you read?” Louis asked almost accusingly.

“Nothing in particular… just scrolled through twitter. I accidentally liked something and a minute later they went crazy with speculations”

“Well, it’s the first thing they heard from you since… the last show, really, oh, wait, that one interview they saw you for like a minute, too. They just worry” Louis told him with a low chuckle.

“Yeah…” Liam smiled a little, “I just don’t really know what to say to them. I just tweeted something because they kept going on about Josh and stuff”

“I think it’s good you did that” Louis said, “And it doesn’t always have to be something thoughtful, you know. You can just say random shit as well”

“I know, because that’s all you do on social media” Liam told him with a laugh.

“Hey, that’s not true” Louis protested but was laughing himself, “While I do mostly post random shit, it’s not the only thing I do”

“Right, of course” Liam told him, grinning widely.

“But to be serious for just a moment. If you want to do something nice for them, just let them know you are alive and doing alright. Maybe post a nice picture or tell them what you are doing” Louis suggested.

Liam agreed, promising he’d do that later and Louis talked to him for a few more minutes before he had to go, leaving Liam alone with his thoughts again. While it had helped to talk to him, the second Liam was engulfed in silence again, the fear crept back in as well. He did go back to twitter for a while, liking a few comments before posting a picture of the comic Zayn had given him, stating that he was currently reading it. Then Liam decided that he had seen enough of the internet for now and tried to go back to reading again. While he still couldn’t concentrate, Liam forced himself to try and focus, failing miserably. He heard noises at his front door and froze, checking his phone to see whether his sisters had called him or texted him, yet.

Liam could feel the panic rise in his chest as he saw they hadn’t but soon he heard familiar voices and all but jumped off his bed, running to the front door with wide eyes. Ruth and Nicola were both just walking through the door and Liam surprised them as he went and threw himself at his older sister Ruth for a hug.

“Liam!” she called out happily, returning the hug, but Liam didn’t let go when she tried to pull back.

“You scared me, you said you’d text when you got here” Liam mumbled against her shoulder, sounding just as scared as he had been moments ago. His heart was still racing too fast and he had to work hard to think straight.

“Oh…” Ruth said softly, sounding more taken back now, before apologising.

“Her phone died, so we couldn’t text you” Nicola explained gently, closing the door behind them after pushing Ruth a step forward out of the way. She didn’t make sure to lock it, so Liam quickly moved away from Ruth and did so.

“Was traffic really that bad?” Liam asked in a low and gentle voice.

“Yeah, the boys are already gone?” Nicola asked, “I had hoped to see them”

“They had flights and cars to catch” Liam mumbled slowly and nodded.

“Alright, then, let us just get our stuff settled in your guest room and we can figure out what we’ll do the rest of the week, alright?” Ruth suggested and the three siblings did so. Liam texted Louis to tell him that he wasn’t alone anymore, knowing that the other was worrying while waiting in the living room for them.

They talked about random things for a little while, Liam telling them what he had been up to in the last few days with the boys while they did the same, talking about their jobs and the family. He was really excited when they wanted to know more about their future album and the songs they were currently working on and told them all he could. Then they went on to plan their week a little, mostly at Ruth’s request.

Nicola said, “I want to do some stupid tourist things! I haven’t been in London in forever!”

“You were here last year” Ruth told her with a frown, but Nicola just pushed her, “Shut up”

“Well, my friend told me about that new…” Liam’s oldest sister started listing off the places she wanted to visit and while he had to smile at her and Ruth’s excitement, he kind of dreaded their plans. He didn’t feel safe just yet.

Nicola pulled him out of his thoughts a few moments later, asking, “… or do you have any plans or meetings this week, Liam?”

“Erm” Liam stopped for a second, sorting out his thoughts, “I, uh… have PT twice a week and t-therapy and some check-up for my collarbone as well, I think”

Ruth nodded, “Do you know when exactly?”

“Can we come along?” Nicola asked at the same time and Liam just shook his head at her while grabbing his phone, looking at his calendar, before handing it over to Ruth. She looked at the dates he had saved and nodded, “We can definitely work around that since it is all in the mornings. Are you sure you want to go alone?”

“Katie and Natalie come here anyway” Liam told them, “And Josh wanted to come along to the other appointment”

“Alright” Ruth sounded almost disappointed at that but didn’t push further. Instead, her and Nicola tried to continue planning their week, with Liam hardly participating.

“Liam, is there anything you want to do?” Nicola addressed him quite some time later again and Liam just shook his head with a soft smile. She didn’t look happy though and didn’t continue on talking to Ruth like he had thought she would.

“You haven’t given your opinion at all, yet, though and we’ve just been going on, assuming you’d be fine with it all” Nicola explained, looking at her younger sister now unsure. Ruth nodded, “True… and after what happened last time, you really should tell us what is okay and what not”

Liam almost glared at her, “I’m fine”

“Liam” she just stated with a shake of her head. They stared at each other for a few seconds, neither giving up until Nicola interrupted them, “Alright, stop that”

Liam looked away, already feeling like his tightly kept control over his emotions he had all morning was slipping away.

“Well, I am right, though. I don’t want to make Liam do something that just ends up upsetting him again. You weren’t there last time, but he fucking passed out, Nicola” Ruth told her sister unhappily and Liam couldn’t help but curl up in his seat. He hated this, the way they talked about him now, ever since this happened. He wished they would act like they used to with him. Liam exactly knew what he had to say to get them to stop asking questions back then.

“Liam, are you okay?” Nicola asked him a lot softer than her sister.

“I am fine” Liam just repeated his earlier claim, earning two annoyed and disappointed glances again. They let him be for the moment and he decided to tune out the following conversation again. It was so much easier to breathe when he didn’t try to listen. Somehow, he felt himself nod off a little while later though, the rather sleepless night catching up with him. Shaking his head to wake himself up again, he found Nicola looking at him with Ruth nowhere in sight.

“What?” he croaked out, his voice sounding rough and already laced with sleep.

“You are tired” she just stated, not even asking him.

“Didn’t sleep much” Liam just admitted.

“Because of today?”

Liam nodded slowly.

“Because we were coming?”

Liam shook his head.

“But because the boys left, right?”

This time he nodded again.

Ruth interrupted their little conversation as she apparently came back from the bathroom, “Would you be okay with us going out today after lunch? We’d like to just walk around the city a little”

Liam sighed, he knew he wanted to do that as well, but he also knew how he’d feel once they stepped foot outside the flat.

Ruth seemed to see his internal struggle as he didn’t answer immediately.

“We can come back anytime you want” she added and when there still was no answer, she asked, “Do you want to go outside? Not considering anything else apart from that”

Liam said a soft, “Yeah”

“But you are scared?” she then asked, and Liam hesitated before nodding, not meeting their eyes.

Nicola now spoke up, “I know we are not Louis and Zayn or one of the others, but we really want to be there and help you, if you are willing to let us”

Liam nodded again, letting a few more moments of silence pass, before saying, “W-we can try, but I can’t promise not to… panic when people bump into me or something, cause they do that sometimes”

“We’ll try and keep them away from you” Ruth promised.

It turned out to be just as nerve wrecking and scary as Liam had thought. They walked through the city for a while, his sisters enjoying it while Liam just tried to keep it together. The two women stopped at some corner shop to get some lunch they ate on the way as he declined. After sitting in the park for a little while they were approached by two young teenage girls, asking for an autograph. After taking an initial step back from the girls, surprised at being talked to at all, he smiled at them apologetically, “Writing isn’t that good of an idea, yet”

They two immediately understood and asked for a picture next. A girl stood on each of his sides ad Liam couldn’t help but try and get some more distance than usual between them as Nicola took the picture while also trying to smile and look nice. The girls then asked him how he was and after smiling at them while assuring them that he was fine, just still taking a little break they left him alone.

“We need to go” Liam stated the second they were out of earshot from the two girls. At the confused expression on Ruth’s face, he explained, “They posted that picture and they have gotten fast. We literally got trapped in a restaurant a while back because we were in the same spot for too long”

When they made it back to his flat, Liam felt utterly exhausted. While he had been scared, nothing bad had happened to him which he was grateful for, even if he didn’t have his bandmates with him. But walking around and worrying so much took a lot of energy from him and while Liam knew it was partly to his eating habits, he blamed it on the lack of sleep the night before. He dropped on the sofa with a tired yawn the second he was back and let his eyes fall closed.

“Hey, no way, stay awake. We need to use the little time we have with you, Liam!” Ruth jumped onto the sofa next to him, jostling and surprising him as he hadn’t been aware of what she was doing. Liam let out a pained groan and winced, adjusting his sling.

“Sorry, did I hurt you?” Ruth asked him worriedly.

He shook his head, “Not really, it’s getting better slowly but still hurts if I move it the wrong way and since I try to take as little pain meds as possible…”

The boy trailed off with a sigh.

“Are you supposed to do that?” Nicola asked suspiciously, standing in the doorway to the kitchen.

“Yes… no, well, yes, but not…” Liam started to stutter at being asked that directly, then composed himself, “I can cut back, but Katie said I’ve been over doing it and I’m trying to find the right balance right now, so yes and no, kind of”

“Do you think you should take something now?” Ruth asked with a raised eyebrow and Liam mumbled out a soft, “Probably”

“Where are they?” Nicola asked in a demanding voice and went to retrieve them after he said they were in his bedroom. His sisters watched as he took his pain meds and then looked a lot more relaxed.

“What are you going to do now?” Liam asked them and was only met with shrugs.

“Dinner is still some time away, why?” Nicola wanted to know.

“Just tired” Liam said, looking a little embarrassed about it as he added, “I usually fall asleep when I take these”

“We can entertain ourselves if you want to get some rest or take a nap” Nicola told him, looking worried, “Are you okay, though?”

Liam nodded slowly, already looking ready to just drop and sleep right where he was, “Yeah, just still get so tired”

“Alright, we’ll wake you for dinner, is that okay?”

Liam sent Ruth a little thankful smile and slowly got up from the sofa before disappearing into his bedroom. He left the door halfway open, though, feeling the need to hear his sisters as he didn’t like to be completely alone and in silence. It didn’t matter though, since the second he let his head hit the pillow he was out cold, not even remembering it.

While Liam felt a lot less sore when he was woken up for dinner, he didn’t feel that much more well rested. He opted to just sip his tea for the beginning of dinner and then really couldn’t bring himself to actually do more than push the food around on his plate for a while as his sisters tried to keep up a conversation with him.

“You barely ate anything” Nicola commented as they were cleaning up afterwards and Liam just said, “I’m tired”

“Do you want to go back to your room, or would you watch a movie with us?” Ruth asked from the living room where she was already setting up a movie.

“A movie is fine” Liam said with a smile and found himself soon after settled on the sofa between his two older sisters a bowl of popcorn in his lap. It barely took half an hour for him to fall asleep again, but neither of his sisters minded. They just continued their evening until they thought it was time to go to sleep as well. Nicola woke him up and led her half asleep brother to his room, smiling softly as he fell right back to sleep again once he was lying down, without even bothering to cover himself or put out the lights. She did all of that for him before also finally getting some sleep.

The next morning Katie showed up while they were still having breakfast.

“Don’t worry about me, just keep eating, I’m a little early” she told Liam with a knowing look as she saw him try and actually eat some of the breakfast in front of him. His sisters went out for the morning, leaving Liam in peace to do his physical therapy, promising to be back two hours later. Katie chatted away with him like usual as if she weren’t just tormenting him with her painful exercises. Liam knew they were necessary and that they were supposed to hurt a little after everything his shoulder had been through. It still wasn’t exactly comfortable to go through and he was thankful that Katie was a person that didn’t need him to actively hold up the conversation. The only thing he really didn’t like was when she asked about how he was doing food wise.

“I’m trying” was all he said, concentrating on the movement of his arm rather than her answer afterwards.

Like always he felt tired and sore after his session with Katie and a little grumpy as well. Katie had left before his sisters had gotten back and he had tried to call Josh who didn’t answer. Liam then called Zayn and talked to him for a while, not feeling quite alright but also unable to actively name what was wrong.

“Maybe you just miss us, Liam” Zayn said in a soft teasing voice. Liam had shrugged it off, but maybe it was true. He enjoyed having his sisters around but at the same time he had this ongoing anxiety in him that he couldn’t shake, and it was tiring. Talking to Zayn made him feel a little calmer, though when his sisters came back and wanted to go out for lunch, Liam couldn’t help it but feel stressed. Nicola must have seen it on his face when he had tried to agree to their proposition. She shook her head disappointedly and sat down next to him, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, we can go out like you said” Liam replied a little too quickly, his voice shaking slightly.

“You are lying again” Ruth said, “I don’t know how we missed it before but it’s easy to tell”

“I’m sorry” was all Liam offered, feeling like he was ruining the mood again and disappointing them.

“What are you sorry for? Just tell us what is wrong!” Nicola seemed utterly confused.

“I’m just so tired” Liam explained, “And sore and I don’t…” Liam trailed off again.

“What do you want to do instead?” Ruth asked then, “We don’t mind staying inside if you don’t feel up to it and you definitely don’t need to lie to make us happy”

“I don’t know” Liam just said, looking frustrated, “I don’t know”

“Well, what would you and the boys do if they were here?” Nicola asked.

“Probably write more songs, it’s all we’ve been doing. We got tired of watching movies and playing games” Liam explained.

“What games do you have here?” Ruth asked, seemingly interested.

“All our games are upstairs in Harry’s and Louis’ flat” Liam said, then added, “But we could get them if you want to play them”

“If we don’t get arrested for breaking in…” Nicola seemed sceptical, but Liam just laughed, “We are literally living in each other’s flats by now”

After a day of just staying home, playing games, and watching movies with his siblings, Liam almost felt relaxed. He liked hanging out with them like when they were kids, before they grew up and moved out while he was struggling at school. He was quite a few years younger than them and maybe that was part of the reason they had grown so distant in his teenage years, Liam realised that night, when he couldn’t fall asleep.

While he had been texting Josh and the boys in their group chat during the evening, he still felt unsettled when it was completely silent around him and he was all alone in his room. At some point Liam got back up and walked out into the living room to grab himself some water. On his way back to his room he saw Nicola come out of the guest room as well. Both of them startled upon seeing the other and Nicola was first to ask, “What are you doing up?”

“What are you doing up?” Liam retorted and Nicola laughed at his words.

“Well, I heard someone walking around the flat so I came to see what you were up to” Nicola said teasingly, “Couldn’t sleep, huh?”

Liam nodded.

“Kind of ironic with how tired you were before”

Liam nodded again.

“Do you want to go back to bed?” she then asked and Liam only grimaced. Nicola just smiled softly at him, before reaching out and gently taking his uninjured arm, leading him back to his bedroom. She made him sit down and sat next to him on the bed, leaving space between them as she leaned against the headboard.

“What are you doing?”

“Keeping you company until you fall asleep or not. We can talk if you want or you can try and get some rest” Nicola shrugged. Liam shook his head a little confused but didn’t actually mind to have her around. Instead, he just lied down again, trying to sleep, but it still didn’t really work.

“What’s on your mind, Li?” Nicola asked after he spent another few minutes tossing and turning around, unable to get his mind to quiet down.

“Everything, I don’t know” Liam just said, “I’m just anxious”

“Like nervous?” Nicola asked, a little confused and Liam nodded, “Just a lot worse”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I don’t know how to explain it” Liam said, looking frustrated at being unable to answer the question. Nicola just nodded at that, not prying further. After a while of them just lying next to each other, Liam said faintly, “They want me to take medication for the anxiety”

“What? Who?” Nicola looked genuinely surprised at that, “That’s something you take medication for?”

Liam nodded slowly, “Apparently… Natalie and the boys think it’s worth a try at least. I don’t want to”

“Why not? I mean, mum and dad really are working on themselves since they’ve been talking to her and things are a lot easier at home since, so I really think she knows what she does” Nicola voiced her opinion.

“It might not even work” Liam replied, then added, “And it might make me feel worse”

“You can always stop taking them if that happens” Nicola told him.

“But I’m not like sick, so why should I?” Liam now sounded rather upset, seeing that his sister seemed to agree with his friends as well.

“Do you like the way you are feeling now?”

Liam shook his head, looking surprised at the question.

“Then why wouldn’t you want to at least try to feel better, even if it was just a little chance? It doesn’t matter whether you think you are sick or not. Whether you agree with what she says about this anxiety thing. The thing is, you are not feeling well and there is a possible solution that might work and might not”

Liam frowned at her, not answering her, instead he just turned away a little and Nicola thought that was his way of ending the conversation. She stayed with him through the rest of the night, as Liam couldn’t manage to fall asleep again. Instead, he just kept on tossing and turning and sometimes wincing in pain when he moved the wrong way. They occasionally exchanged a few words but nothing more.

“What are you guys doing here?” Ruth asked them the next morning when she found them early in the kitchen.

“Liam couldn’t sleep” Nicola just said, “I heard him get up in the middle of the night and stayed for a while”

“You could have woken me” Ruth complained, “What are we eating?”

While they were still eating there was a knock on the door, startling Liam who instantly felt nervous as Ruth went to open the door. Liam immediately smiled, though, when he heard Jon’s loud voice yell, “Payno!”

“Jon! What are you doing here?” he asked, not moving to get up from his seat and found himself engulfed in a hug just moments later, followed by another hug from Dan.

“We were bored, and Lou and Zayn keep on worrying so we thought we’d stop by, see what you are up to” Dan explained as they each grabbed themselves something to eat and drink as well, joining the three siblings for breakfast. While Ruth and Nicola were taken back at first, they all fell into a comfortable conversation, the boys mostly talking about some new ideas they wanted to explore in the studio. The boys stayed until lunch with them and when his sisters announced that they’d like to go shopping, they both agreed to come along for a little while as well. Liam immediately felt better about going outside with two of his friends by his side. They weren’t Josh, Zayn or Louis who made him feel the safest, but they were still enough to calm his anxiety.

He almost felt bad for refusing to eat lunch when he saw their disappointed faces, but when he claimed he just wasn’t hungry yet, his sisters didn’t think much of it.

In the city he kept close to Dan most of the time, trying to keep up with his sisters and Jon who were happily running around the stores. “I get why your sisters are excited. They are not often in London, but why the hell is Jon all happy about shopping?” Dan asked amusedly with a shake of his head after a while which made Liam just laugh.

After an hour, the boys had to go, though, leaving Liam to his sisters’ mercy as somehow, they decided they needed to upgrade his closet. While Liam decided to humour them for a while, it was exhausting to try on clothes, and he started to complain. At first, they didn’t listen, until he admitted, “Seriously, it hurts my shoulder, I’m sorry”

Then they just decided to guess how it would look on him and continue to shop for him as well. Liam didn’t really mind it, even if he felt a little crowded in the busy streets of London’s centre.

It was well into the afternoon when Ruth promised that they would go back home after one more shop. She wanted new shoes and while Liam had been adamant about going home now, he felt just so tired and exhausted again, his body sore and slow, he agreed, since looking at new sneakers was actually something he liked. With the help of Nicola, he found a pair of new shoes he really liked. The two of them then went to the women’s section to find Ruth who was just trying on a new pair of shoes as well. Liam sat on one of the sitting areas at the end of the hallway, watching his sisters contemplate the shoes and trying on a few new pairs as well. Even Nicola did who had said before that she really didn’t want to.

It felt good to finally be sitting down and being able to close his eyes for just a few seconds at a time. Really, it was just a second, but then he felt a little push against his shoulder and startled up. Someone had brushed past him rather forcefully and hit him, luckily it was his left side and it barely hurt him, though he definitely felt it. Liam frowned looking to where he had last seen his sisters and found the hallway empty. Not again. Not again. That was all he thought as he slowly, shakily rose to his feet again. He quickly scanned the crowded store, but he couldn’t immediately pick them out and panicked, unable to concentrate. Feeling hot and cold at the same time, his eyes continued to roam the room, the people passing by feeling too close for comfort and he took a few steps back until he was standing against a shelf. Everything was white noise.

Liam couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move.

Nicola and Ruth had just gone one hallway further, looking at some shoes, not realising that they were out of Liam’s sight now due to the layout of the store. At one point Nicola looked around the corner when she noticed it, to see what he was doing, but Liam wasn’t sitting where they had left him before anymore. Instead, she spotted him a few steps further away, he was standing next to a shelf. With all the people around, she didn’t see his face. Wondering what he was up to, she told her sister where she was going and went to Liam. His back was turned to her, but she could see him shaking and quickened her pace, “Liam?”

Her little brother flinched away from her touch, turning towards her a little.

“Liam, hey, what’s wrong?” she asked confused and concerned. Liam seemed to recognise her. His eyes were blown wide in panic and she could see that he was struggling to breathe, face pale. Liam surprised her even more, when he suddenly moved forward, hugging her, hiding his face against her shoulder. Nicola could feel him trembling in her arms and asked again, “What is wrong? Are you okay?”

Liam just shook his head and continued to hold on to her with his left arm. Nicola just held him for a few moments then, one hand rubbing comforting circles on his back, before softly suggesting, “Let’s get out of here, okay? Get some fresh air?”

She pulled back from him but kept holding his hand, pulling him along to where Ruth still was. The younger woman looked at them confused, “What’s wrong?”

“We are getting some fresh air, hurry up and Liam wants these” she handed over the shoes her and Liam had chosen earlier before continuing on out of the store. Liam’s hand was cold and trembling in hers as she pulled him along to an empty bench out on the streets. They sat down and she pulled him in another gentle hug, as Liam tried to take deep calm breaths. She could see his glassy and scared eyes and again wondered what had happened when they pulled apart again.

“Liam talk to me” she asked after a while.

“Y-you left me” Liam gasped out painfully, not meeting her eyes.

“What? We didn- oh… Oh!” Nicola realised, “We went to the other hallway… I’m sorry, Liam, we should have told you where we went!”

“I’m fine, I’m sorry” Liam replied, looking still just as scared as before and Nicola wanted to cry.

“Don’t apologise” Nicola shook her head, looking up when a bag was dropped next to her and Ruth sat down on Liam’s other side, “What happened?”

“C-couldn’t see you, I’m sorry” Liam said, taking one shuddering breath after the other. He was still struggling to calm his racing heart and mind, his body reacting. His sisters sat with him and waited for him to calm down and after a few minutes, his breathing slowed down, he didn’t feel like he was currently running a marathon either. The thing that wouldn’t stop, though was the thoughts cursing through his mind. As the panic subsided, it was replaced by utter exhaustion and Liam started to feel himself swaying sideways, suddenly, his eyes wanting nothing more than to fall shut.

“Liam?” Ruth asked worriedly, reaching out to steady him, “Hey, Li?”

Liam forced his eyes to open up again and worried as for a second, he saw black spots dancing in front of them, “Huh?”

“Let’s get you home, you look tired” Nicola stated and stood up, holding out her hand to help him up. Liam moved to stand up, but the second he was on his feet, his head swam, and he could feel the blood rushing through his ears, his knees feeling weak. If not both his sisters had held on to him, he would have landed on the floor and Liam knew that.

“Liam, shit” Nicola cursed as he managed to hold up his own weight after a second, fighting the vertigo and dizziness.

“I’m okay” He only replied, sounding just as shaky as he looked.

“No, we are definitely not walking back like this” Ruth shook her head, “Sit back down”

Liam let himself be pushed back to sitting down on the bench, barely protesting as it took too much effort. His sisters tried to figure out what to do as Liam waited for the black spots to disappear again.

Ruth addressed him shortly after again, “Liam, hey, you are doing it again, you need to take a deep breath. Can you tell me what’s going on?”

Liam tried to follow her instructions but didn’t do much more than shake his head.

“Can we call Paul to come pick us up?” Nicola asked afterwards, “I think some people recognised you”

Liam immediately tensed as he fumbled for his phone, too scared to look around and see whether there really were some people that recognised him. Ruth took it out of his hand and soon after was talking to Paul, “… yeah, there is one person taking pictures and a few girls, but I don’t think they’ll come up to us… no, we can’t, like… I don’t know what’s wrong, he almost fainted when we went to leave…. I don’t… I don’t know, why? …“

Liam knew where the conversation was going and just tuned it out, trying to look as normal as possible while it hurt to take any breath in at all. After hanging up she immediately asked him when he had last eaten something, and Liam could only shrug his shoulders. Remembering seemed like too much effort. Nicola was handing him something to drink sometime later and Liam took a few sips. Ruth was on the phone again, talking to someone, but Liam couldn’t be bothered to figure out who.

He felt someone approaching them and immediately tensed up again, hearing the voice of a young girl, starting to ask a question. Nicola politely turned her away, though and the girls left while Liam couldn’t muster up the courage to even look up. Liam hated this, he just wanted to be back home.

“Liam, drink this, Josh said you need to” Ruth grabbed his attention again and Liam couldn’t help the frown. When did they talk to Josh.

“Josh said he’d be here soon, and Paul is coming to pick us up as well. Please don’t pass out” his sister added as well.

“I don’t…” Liam started to say but trailed off again, thinking, before saying, “feel good”

“What are you doing to yourself, Liam?” Nicola asked, sounding extremely upset and Liam just really wanted to be alone to be able to cry now. His head hurt and nothing felt alright anymore.

“Liam!” he heard Josh before he saw him and looked up to see Josh walking through the busy street towards them. He was smiling and waving but Liam saw that he was worried. The older boy greeted his sisters before just pulling him up into a standing position and hugging him. Liam’s vision blacked out again and he felt himself fall against Josh as he fought to stay conscious.

“I got you, Liam, just hold on” Josh told him softly, slowly pulling away, keeping an arm around Liam, before saying, “Let’s go into that café, that alright with you two?”

His sisters just played along and followed Josh who lead a shaky Liam to the next café. Liam was barely carrying any of his own weight, leaning heavily into Josh. His legs and arms felt so heavy and his surroundings all blurred together in a mix of colours and white noise.

Josh continued to talk to his sisters and told him gently, “Only a few more metres, sunshine”

Inside the café it was immediately quieter, and Liam was sat down at a table.

“Paul needs a few more minutes to get here, can you order a little something to eat or drink for Liam?” Josh asked as he sat down next to Liam.

“Liam, hey, look at me” the older boy said, “Tell me what’s wrong”

“Don’t feel good” Liam just replied, letting his head drop onto his arms, everything felt so heavy.

“You didn’t eat again, did you?” Josh asked with a frown.

“I don’t know” Liam said softly, followed by a groan and grimace.

Nicola and Ruth were back now, setting down a few drinks and some sandwiches in front of them, “Let’s try and act as if we met up for a late lunch. Maybe they will buy it” Nicola said, nodding towards the window where a little crowd was forming.

“Thanks for getting us here, by the way. We didn’t know what to do” Ruth added, nodding towards Josh who just shrugged it off with a smile.

“You learn after a few weeks on tour. It’s worse with all five of them” Josh explained, picking up a sandwich and handing it to Liam, sternly ordering, “Eat”

“I’m tired” Liam protested, eyeing the food warily before glancing to the window.

“We are not playing this game today, Liam, seriously. I talked to Paul; you are playing with fire right now. They are not letting you back in the studio until you are better. Eat” Josh said as he grabbed something to eat for himself as well. Liam somehow listened and did take a few bites. It took so much effort and he felt his eyes starting to drop already moments later again.

“Liam” Nicola called and startled him again.

“What did you guys do today?” Josh asked exasperated, “You look completely done, Liam”

Nicola and Ruth filled him in on what had been going on and soon after Paul entered the café, looking concerned when he found the group. He stood at the head of the table where the two sisters occupied the seats on one side and Josh and Liam the other.

“How are you holding up, Liam?” he asked gently, even though his expression was rather stern and disappointed which Liam could pick up on. The boy just hinted at a shrug, not meeting the man’s eyes.

“Are you feeling alright enough to get to the car?” Paul asked and Liam looked rather unconvinced, glancing out the window where still people were watching them. He briefly wondered why no one had come in, yet, pestering him for autographs and pictures like usually.

“We can do it” Josh told the man confidently, turning to Liam, “Just like before, they might think we are dating again, but who cares?”

Paul addressed Liam’s sisters, “It’s just a few people today, but I want you to follow closely behind, don’t stop for anything, don’t engage, just follow us. Josh and I will go ahead with Liam”

Josh pulled Liam up again, this time Liam couldn’t fight the dizziness overwhelming him again and he completely sagged against his friend who had trouble holding him up. After a few seconds, his eyes fluttered open again and Paul and Josh helped him stand, exchanging worried looks. They made their way out of the café and through the crowd slower than usual, but there was not much happening. Liam tried to look as neutral and fine as possible as he stumbled his way to the car. Paul opened the door for them, and Josh practically helped him climb into the car with his sisters following close behind.

“Thank god for these ridiculous big cars” Josh sighed as the door was closed, before getting Liam to lie down. Liam just let himself be manipulated until he was practically lying down with his head in Josh’s lap and his legs were pulled up on the seat as well. He felt a few tears escaping his eyes and closed them quickly, turning his head towards the seat in embarrassment. Josh’s hand somehow found his way to his hair and Liam sighed against the touch, leaning into it.

“You are okay, Liam” the older boy said softly and somehow that was all Liam needed to fall asleep. Josh watched him for a few more minutes, before speaking up, “We need to get him to eat something once we get back”

“We didn’t realise how bad this was. Louis mentioned that he had a little trouble, lost some weight, but we didn’t…” Nicola tried to explain, looking frustrated and upset.

“Yeah, we didn’t either for a long time” Josh just shrugged, “It’s hard. He doesn’t really get it, I think, what he is doing to himself. And it’s not about his weight or anything, more like, being in control and stuff. He’s going to be so upset that people saw that”

“I can’t believe you guys’ lives here… this is crazy” Ruth shook her head in disbelief, “It was the same at the park, we ran into some fans and Liam practically made us run back home, scared that more would show up”

“Happened before” Josh just nodded nonchalantly, then turned a little to look out of the window, “We are almost there”

Soon after the car rolled to a stop and Paul opened the door for them, spotting Liam asleep on Josh.

“You two go ahead, I’ll get Liam” Paul told Ruth and Nicola who left the car first before he picked up Liam. Josh got out of the car last, closing the door before hurrying to catch up with the man who was already far ahead. Inside Liam’s flat, Paul just made his way to his bedroom and put him down again, getting him settled, “Do you have something easy to eat for him here?”

Ruth and him went to the kitchen to figure it out as Josh shouted after them, “Make some tea as well”

Nicola meanwhile was standing in the room looking a little lost and Josh felt almost sorry for her as he climbed into the bed next to Liam, gently trying to shake him awake. Liam didn’t want to wake up, groaning and protesting, his eyes closing quickly again after they had fluttered open.

“Paul and Ruth are getting you something to eat” Josh informed him, “I need you to be awake and sitting up”

Liam just turned to him, his face pressing into Josh’s side, hiding himself. Josh wasn’t having any of it, though and pulled him up to a sitting position, not minding that Liam was now leaning into his shoulder.

“I know you feel like shit right now, but it will only get worse if you don’t listen” Josh told him, “And we need you presentable enough to assure the boys you are fine”

“Y-you told them?” Liam asked, his voice rough and quiet. He already could feel the tears coming again.

“It’s on twitter, sunshine” Josh just said, “I had to tell them before they saw it themselves”

Liam sniffled softly before the tears started flowing freely. Josh wrapped his arms around him, pulling him against his chest, whispering, “It’s okay, they probably won’t be able to tell something was wrong. But the boys know you”

Nicola sat on the edge of the bed, feeling a little out of place as she watched her little brother be comforted by another boy she barely knew. It was weird and she felt more than guilty about that.

“I got you guys some tea” Paul entered the room and handed each of them a cup of tea, “Ruth will be back in just a minute with something to eat”

“Thanks, Paul” Josh nodded, grabbing one of the cups for Liam, and another for himself. When he handed it over to a reluctant Liam, though he frowned, seeing the trembling hands of his friend and only moments later took it back again, “Right, maybe after you eat”

Liam looked frustrated, letting his hand drop to his side again. Josh ignored the scowl on his face though with a shrug, “Not going to let you burn yourself with hot tea”

The room felt a little crowded when Ruth came in shortly after, handing Josh a plate of their leftover lunch the day before. It was only a little rice and vegetables, but enough to hopefully get Liam’s energy and blood sugar levels back up for now.

“Can you guys give us a little space for a while” Josh looked pointedly at Paul and the girls who left the room after a little hesitation. Paul only said, “We need to talk, though. I’m giving you half an hour”

When the door closed, Liam only started trembling worse next to him and Josh said softly, “You are okay, Liam, seriously, you can freak out later. I need you to eat now, please”

Josh never thought it would work, having seen Liam break down before but somehow the boy managed to hold it together and picked up the fork on the plate. Josh kept a hold of the plate, though as Liam ate. After a third of the plate was gone, Liam started to struggle, taking longer breaks and fidgeting in his seat. Josh still urged him on, until almost everything was done, and Liam looked ready to pass out again. He set the plate down on the nightstand before letting Liam lie down again, cuddling him close until he fell asleep.

Josh then took the almost empty plate with him out of the room. He walked into the kitchen where the other three were sitting as well. Paul was on the phone while the sisters were talking to each other. The man glanced at the plate and nodded approvingly before continuing his conversation. Josh realised only seconds later that it was Louis he was talking to and Paul sounded frustrated.

“Is it Lou?” he asked and held out his hand with a grin. Paul nodded thankfully before handing it over after saying, “Just shut up for a second, Louis, Josh is back”

Josh had a quick but efficient conversation with Louis, explaining the situation to him and promising not to leave Liam alone that night after making sure he would eat. After hanging up on the other boy, who promised to update the rest of the band, Josh sat down at the table as well, asking, “So… what now?”

“Did he say anything else?” Paul answered with another question.

“No, fell asleep mid eating, don’t think he will say much more. I don’t think he has any more of an idea of what is going on than us” Josh shrugged, “I mean, we knew this week would be hard on him and from what Jon and Dan told me this morning we really pushed him out of his comfort zone and for that he was doing really well”

Paul sighed, “Well, we can’t let him get back to work like this. I talked to Robert and he wants to push everything back another two weeks”

“We can’t do that” Josh protested, knowing how much it would hurt Liam.

“We can’t just keep going either” Paul told him, “He has therapy and another doctor’s appointment scheduled tomorrow morning, right? I’ll tell Robert to hold off until then. If they don’t think he’s ready, we will go through with this, though. We might need to consult with his, your parents as well. Liam is not eighteen, yet”

Josh just shook his head, “This is bloody unfair”

“I know” Paul agreed.

“I still can’t believe all this” Nicola sighed, looking just as shocked as she had the whole time. Ruth just nodded, looking as devastated at everything that was going on.

“Well, since there is not much, we can do right now, I’ll go back and check on Liam” Josh got up, then asked, “Do you know if there are any snacks left? We got him some Oreos a few days ago, but with the boys you never know how long it will last”

Ruth went to the cupboard where Josh knew Liam usually keeps all the snacks and found that while everything else was gone, the Oreos were still where they had put them during their last grocery run.

“They literally eat so much, it’s crazy” Josh shook his head with a laugh as he grabbed the box, “At least they left the only thing Liam willingly eats lately”

“I’ll never get how he eats these without milk” Nicola laughed as well, “I hate them”

“Liam loves them” Josh just shrugged as he grinned at her as well. He then left the adults in the room in favour of getting back to Liam. The boy was still fast asleep, even though his face was pale and there were lines of pain visible. Josh wondered, when it became normal for him to know when Liam was in pain, before he settled down next to the boy. While he was waiting for Liam to wake up, he checked his phone, sent some assuring messages to his own bandmates and Liam’s as well.

Then he went on twitter, trying to find out how the fans were thinking about today’s events and maybe gather enough to calm Liam down later. What he found, though, wasn’t what he had hoped. There were pictures and videos of them even before all that happened, some paparazzi had followed them for a while before they even went into the last store. It was obvious that something was wrong when Nicola and Liam came out of the store first. Even if you didn’t know Liam that well, you could see that he was not okay and the scared expressions on his sisters’ faces didn’t help much either. While it did look rather normal how Josh showed up and greeted them, pulling them into the café, you also could see that the way Liam was standing, and walking was not normal. His expression was rather unsettling as well. The pictures from inside the café were rather blurry thankfully and it seemed like no one caught on that Liam did pass out for a few seconds there. The fans had caught on to it as well and were trying to figure out what had caused all this. A few very clever ones were starting to piece things together and Josh grimaced at the words eating disorder, skinny and sick in the same sentence. He definitely was not going to mention that to Liam. He sent a few screenshots to Louis on the other hand, warning him. The other boy immediately answered, telling him that he’d talk to Robert about it, to try and keep the topic away from Liam as much as possible.

“Hey there, sleepyhead” Josh smiled when Liam started to move again, his eyes fluttering a few times before finally opening. Liam smiled at him a little, only briefly before grimacing and whimpering in pain.

“Are you still dizzy or hurting?” Josh simply asked.

Liam whispered, “Both… my h-head”

Josh nodded, already looking for his pain meds which he found on the nightstand. Liam then added, “And my… l-leg”

“The cut on your leg?” Josh asked for clarification and Liam nodded, “My knee feels sore, too… but not much… just w-walked a lot”

“Yeah, you’ve been doing a lot more this week, walking around and stuff” Josh nodded, handing over some pills and water for Liam to take. He was still trembling slightly, but nothing compared to before.

“I’m so exhausted” Liam stated, looking sad and frustrated as he leaned back against the headboard then. Josh nodded understandingly.

“I hate being this weak” Liam added again after a while.

“You are not giving your body what it needs right now. I know you don’t like to hear it, but you have no energy if you don’t eat” Josh told him softly, expecting protests and anger, but all he got, was a whispered, “I know”

“We’ll figure this out, sunshine” Josh promised him, “We’ll get you there somehow”

Liam just nodded, looking rather defeated.

“Did you wake up because you were hurting?” when Liam nodded, Josh continued, “Then lie back down and try to get some rest, I’ll be here”

“You won’t leave?” Liam asked looking rather young.

Josh nodded, “And I’ll wake you up for dinner. Louis was ready to come back when he heard what happened and I had to promise to stay the night with you, if you are okay with that”

Liam nodded, looking almost pleadingly at him, “Don’t leave”

Josh smiled at him, promising just that, “Alright, I have some Oreos if you want them, as well”

Liam returned his smile and nodded. The boy ate only two of the cookies before he decided he had enough, but Josh still counted it as a win as he watched Liam slowly fall back asleep, head resting on his chest and his expression a lot more peaceful than before. Josh must have fallen asleep at some point himself because next thing he knew was that Paul was waking him up.

“Sandy and Dan showed up with dinner. Will you come out and join us or stay here?” Paul asked once he was alert.

“We’ll come out, give us a few minutes, though” Josh told him and waited until they were alone to get Liam up. The boy was still looking just as exhausted as before when Josh made him get up, limping a little and favouring one side. Josh immediately made him sit down on the bed again, checking the cut on his leg. It didn’t look wrong apart from a little redness and blood, but that had happened each time, Liam had walked around a lot, so he just put on a new bandage before letting Liam up again.

Sandy, Dan, Ruth, and Nicola were all sitting at the kitchen table with Paul in the living room, on the phone again when they entered.

“Nope, no, not happening!” Dan jumped up as he saw them and pulled Liam out of Josh’s arms, earning a scowl from the older boy.

“You can’t hog him again all evening!” Sandy told him with a smile as the two of them made Liam sit between them, a plate already waiting for him there. Josh sat next to Nicola with a shake of his head, “You are just jealous”

Liam ate half a plate of the pasta that they were having without being prompted, but after that he just pushed it away and laid his head on the table, looking miserable. Dan leaned in and whispered something in Liam’s ear, making the younger one giggle loudly.

“What are you saying?” Josh immediately demanded, knowing his bandmate all too well.

“Oh, nothing for you to worry about, Joshi” Dan just smirked at him with a wink, making Liam giggle louder again. Sandy then joined in, leaning over Liam’s back to whisper to Dan. Both of the boys could hear him that way and were soon a laughing mess.

“See, you are not the only one to do that!” Dan said triumphantly as he pointed towards Liam’s face.

“Never said I was” Josh just shrugged, also smiling.

The group joked around for a little while longer with Paul joining them later on. Sandy and Dan insisted on cleaning up while the girls moved on to the living room. Liam was about to follow, but Josh stopped him, “Are you sure you are done eating?”

Liam just grimaced, then looked at him pleadingly, “Don’t, please, I tried, I really did”

“Alright, I can see that” Josh nodded, “You can’t blame me for trying, though”

Liam didn’t answer so the both of them went on to the living room as well. They talked for a little while before Sandy and Dan came out of the kitchen as well.

“Hey Paul, did you tell them about my idea, yet?” Sandy yelled too loud as he sat on the floor since the sofa and armchair were all occupied. Dan grabbed the pillows Josh was leaning against rather forcefully from him before joining Sandy, “He probably didn’t because the idea is stupid, just like you”

“Oh god, not again” Paul just sighed, looking tired while Josh laughed, “What idea?”

“Well, the thing is, we have one problem and I have a solution” Sandy said proudly.

“Oh god, no” Liam just said, looking mortified, “That already sounds stupid”

“True!”, Josh laughed loudly, and Liam joined him with a chuckled.

“Hey, I’m trying to help, alright, so, listen:” Sandy started, before taking a short break, “Liam is not eating enough, right? Well, Liam also wants to go to the studio and record, right? Well, my idea is to kind of blackmail him into eating!”

Liam looked properly horrified at that, his face paling as Dan hissed, “Told you! You are bloody stupid!”

Josh just wrapped his arms around Liam next to him and pulling him against his chest, sending a glare to his friend, “We won’t do that, don’t worry. Sandy is just being really stupid!”

“You didn’t even finish listening!” Sandy whined, “It’s more like a reward thing. I should have said that that sounds definitely better”

“Just shut up, would you?” Josh sounded completely done with his friend by now.

“But…” Sandy looked rather disappointed now, “You guys are threatening to not let him in the studio if he’s not better, but he just won’t magically be better, so why can’t we do that on a smaller scale. Like… I just thought… if he eats enough on one day, he could go to the studio the next and if not, then not. I think that would be much fairer, than just cancelling next week, like you are thinking about!”

“What?” Liam sat up and turned to Paul, his eyes wide. Paul groaned, “We are not planning anything until tomorrow, but yes, it is an option, depending on tomorrow”

“No!” Liam almost yelled, “No, you said…. You said, we could… I don’t”

“Calm down, Liam, it’s okay, just calm down” Josh tried to get his friend to stop for a moment, but Liam just pushed him off, staring at Paul angrily.

Paul was contemplating his next answer, still, as Dan pushed Sandy, “Good job, idiot!”

“My idea was good, though, look, that won’t happen with my idea!” Sandy gestured to Liam and Paul.

“Liam, Robert and I have made it clear from the beginning that everything stands and falls with your doctors’ recommendations. You know tomorrow was going to decide most things as well.” Paul ignored the other boys, looking at the injured one more intensely.

Liam didn’t give an answer or protested anymore, instead he just looked completely disappointed and sad. For the rest of the evening, he just didn’t care enough to participate in any conversations that were going on. When Paul left not too soon after, he said, “I’ll be back tomorrow morning to pick you two up after your therapy appointment, alright?”

Josh nodded, “Yeah, thanks” Liam on the other hand didn’t even look at the man.

“Stop being a jerk, it’s not Paul’s or our fault that things are how they are right now. I get it sucks, Li, but it’s not fair to get mad at Paul for trying to keep you safe” Josh told him later that night, when the both of them were alone in Liam’s bedroom, trying to sleep.

“I’m not mad at them” Liam frowned at Josh.

“It feels like you are mad at us all, though” Josh told him gently, “Even if you don’t mean it”

“I’m sorry” Liam offered, looking sad and guilty all over again.

“Don’t worry about it, just maybe try to talk to us even if we tell you things you don’t like?” Josh asked him then and Liam nodded, apologising again. Both of them were quickly sleeping after that, and Liam actually slept through the whole night and morning, not even budging once. Josh and his sisters spent the morning talking about a lot of things and the women were actually grateful for him explaining some of the things the boys had been through on tour and their relationship. When it was just about time for Natalie to arrive, Josh went to wake Liam up, but the boy didn’t budge at first.

And once his eyes were open, all Liam did was groan and move away from Josh, trying to hide his head beneath the pillow. Josh pulled it away from him and tried to get Liam up, but the other plain simply refused and since Josh had never seen Liam act that way, he was a little overwhelmed.

“Liam, seriously, what is wrong with you, today?” Josh asked frustrated, pulling at Liam’s left arm, to get him up.

“Noo” Liam groaned, trying to stay in his position.

“Come on, you are worse than Zayn right now”

“I just want to sleep, I’m so tired and everything hurts” Liam whined, trying to turn out of Josh’s grasp. The older boy let him go this time, “If you are hurting you should take something for it”

Liam just groaned again, then followed it up with a, “Go ‘way”

Josh did as told, and was met by Nicola, Ruth and Natalie in the living room who all looked rather confused.

“It’s the first time that I’ve seen it happen, but Liam doesn’t want to get up, like seriously” Josh told them and both sisters of Liam frowned.

“Liam is always up first, usually” Ruth said, and Nicola nodded.

“Well, he said he’s tired and was rather mean for his standards” Josh shrugged, “And I’m not going to start a fight with him”

“I might just scare him enough to get him up” Natalie told them and went ahead as neither Nicola nor Ruth were too keen on being the ones to get Liam up as well. The other three just sat in the living room and waited. When the woman didn’t come back out even fifteen minutes later, they assumed that Liam was awake now and they were doing their session in the bedroom for a change.

Forty-five minutes later, the bedroom door opened, and Natalie came back out, closing the door behind herself.

“How did it go?” Josh asked curiously, “Is he awake?”

“Well, he refused to talk for the first thirty minutes, then he got really angry about literally everything which I actually think is good. He is actually starting to express his emotions now. I talked to you and the boys about this before, Josh” she explained and the boy nodded, “I’ve prescribed him the anxiety medication we’ve been talking about and I want you to watch out for any side effects he might experience, please and to see if he actually will take them”

Josh nodded again, “Sure, did he actually agree?”

“He didn’t protest” Natalie said, and a knowing chuckle went around the room.

“For Liam that definitely is a yes” Josh replied, “Anything else we should know?”

Natalie shook her head, “No, not for now”

After she was gone, the other three turned to look at each other, and Ruth asked, “So… who wants to see if Liam wants to get up now?”

“I think it’s better if I don’t make him mad at me now, since I’ll be going with him to his next appointment” Josh just said, holding his arms up in defence as the others laughed. Nicola just shook her head, “Don’t worry, I’ll go”

Liam was once again buried beneath his blankets on the bed and had his eyes closed.

“You have to get ready now, Paul will be here soon” Nicola just stated, stopping a few steps away from the bed. Liam just turned further away from her without making a sound.

“Come on, you already scared Josh, but I’m not leaving until you are getting dressed” Nicola told him in a way only older siblings could. Liam at least turned around and looked up at her. His eyes were red, and he looked pale, obviously having cried a little. Nicola sat on the edge of the bed and reaching out to brush his hair out of his face, saying softly, “There you are”

Liam let his eyes drop closed again for a few moments before he started to move to sit up. Nicola didn’t miss the wince and grimace of pain as he fully sat up and let himself just drop against the headboard heavily.

“Is this because of yesterday?” Nicola asked him after a moment of consideration and Liam nodded, saying, “Just s-sore”

“But we barely did anything other than walking around a little”

“Y-yeah… was still much more than… I did in the last two weeks to-together” Liam admitted.

“Do you think you can eat some breakfast?” Nicola then asked, “You don’t have much time left, but I think you need to”

“Not really” Liam simply said with a slow shake of his head.

“Can you try?” Nicola asked and was met with a surprising nod, then said, “Alright, I’ll leave you to get dressed now, okay? And don’t go back to sleep again”

Liam nodded and started to get up slowly while Nicola was leaving the room. Paul was already waiting for them when he finally made it out of his room, dressed in sweatpants and a hoodie again as he shuffled towards the kitchen tiredly. He just wanted to go back to bed already. Instead, he was met with some toast and eggs which he really tried to eat but didn’t even touch the toast, only ate some of the eggs before giving up.

Luckily neither of the people in the room pressed him to eat more as they were on the verge of being late and actually had to go. Josh had his arm around him the second they left the flat, leaving his sisters behind and following Paul to the car. When they were about to climb into the car, Liam reached out and stopped Paul from closing the door and handed over a piece of paper. The man took a glance at it, looked surprised before stating, “I’ll take care of it while you are at your appointment”

Liam just nodded and the door was closed as Josh asked, “What was that?”

“P-prescription” Liam just said slowly, his eyes not meeting Josh’s. The older boy just nodded then, not questioning it further.

About an hour later Josh was desperately trying to get Louis on the phone. He had already tried to call Harry and Zayn but neither had picked up their phones. He was already letting out a stream of curses when a sleepy voice answered.

“Damnit, Lou, pick up your phone!” Josh almost yelled at him.

“Josh?” Louis asked, still half asleep, making the most of his time off and sleeping through half of the day.

“Louis, fucking hell, wake up” Josh told him angrily.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Louis just asked, “I’m awake now, what is wrong?”

“They are admitting Liam because of his eating disorder. He passed out during his appointment and they want to keep him for one night at least” Josh said, sounding less angry and more scared now.

“What the fuck?” Louis asked, “I’ll try and get back there, just let me figure this out for a moment”

“No, stay, it’s your time off” Josh protested, “They are taking care of him now and it’s just supposed to be for a night and Dan is on his way with Liam’s sisters”

“Mate, you just told me, Liam is in the hospital, I’m not staying away”

Josh groaned, “No, I’m sorry, I just needed to yell at something, and it was you and I scared you. Liam just scared me, but he is fine now, sleeping. And I need you to stay where you are and convince the others he is fine. You need to take care of Niall and Harry because they’ll be scared”

Louis sighed, “Tell me what happened, exactly”

“Well, he was really tired this morning and didn’t even get out of bed for his session with Natalie. Then Nicola managed to somehow get him up for his doctor’s appointment and we got here. He just was really quiet and when we got here, he kind of got really tense and nervous again, like he always does. Two minutes into the appointment he just passed out and they admitted him because of his weight and everything” Josh explained softly, “When he first woke up and was told he had a really bad panic attack again, but once he calmed down, he just wanted to sleep again. They want him to eat something and started an IV and stuff to get him to feel better before they let him leave”

“Okay…” Louis just acknowledged, “Okay… just let me think for a moment”

Josh stayed on the line for a few moments, so Louis could comprehend the information.

“Oh, he agreed to try the meds for his anxiety this morning by the way” Josh added then.

“Well, good but bloody hell to everything else” Louis just said, “Paul is there, right?”

“Yeah, he’s been on the phone with Robert the whole time, trying to keep this quiet. So, you need to stay away because of that as well. You’ll just bring more attention to us, more than we already have” Josh said, “I couldn’t get a hold of Zayn and Harry. Didn’t try Niall yet”

“I’ll take care of that, don’t worry. Just go back to Liam and have him call me the second he’s up again, please” Louis pleaded, “I’ll talk to the boys and get back to you on that”

“Yeah, of course, thanks and I’m sorry for yelling at you”

“That’s alright don’t worry about it. This is overwhelming, I get it” Louis assured him before they hung up. Josh took a few more moments to calm himself down before going back into the hospital room where Liam was. The other boy was still fast asleep, lying on his left side. His left arm, where the IV had been put in and where he still had a bandage over the knife wound was extended, with his hand hanging off the bed while his right arm was pressed against his chest, immobilized by the sling. The blankets were up around his waist, covering the lower half of his body and Josh had to take another moment as he realised just how skinny his friend had gotten. He looked so much smaller than usual in this bed. Maybe the surroundings added to it, but Josh realised, Liam really was sick. Whether he thought so himself or not. He then sat down in the chair next to the bed and waited.

A soft knock ripped him out of his thoughts a while later as Ruth and Dan entered.

“Hey” Dan said gently, walking up and pulling Josh in a hug, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine” Josh just shook his head, “But thanks for worrying”

“You sounded scared on the phone” Dan simply said with a little smile, “Just making sure”

“Thanks… and yeah, I was. Talked to Louis, though and feel better now” Josh explained. They were keeping their voices barely above a whisper, trying to not disturb Liam.

“Where’s Nicola?” Josh asked Ruth who had sat down in the only other chair on Liam’s opposite side.

“Talking to our parents about this. Dad is freaking out a little, apparently, I don’t know” Ruth shrugged, “Don’t tell Liam that, though, that they are fighting because of him again”

“What do you mean with again?” Josh asked confused.

“Oh… nothing really” Ruth just shrugged, then frowned, “Well… I don’t know… They just always fought when we were little while Liam was so sick. I don’t know how much you guys know about that”

“We know about how he was pretty sick as a kid, because of his kidney, right?” Dan replied and received a nod.

“Well, it was stressful, and they fought a lot. Liam hated that, we all did” Ruth said, “I don’t want that to happen again”

Just then the door opened, and Nicola entered, looking rather distraught, “I think we might have a problem”

“What? Why?” Ruth looked rather alarmed, reading her sister’s expression and body language.

“Dad is coming here. He is pissed at mum for letting it get this far, as if it’s her fault. I barely know what just happened. Apparently, he wanted Liam home the whole time to take care of him but mum said no since he wanted to stay with you guys and he feels like she kept dad from helping him? I’m so confused. Did you know about any of this? It’s a thing apparently, and not for the first time” Nicola explained, looking tired.

“I know they’ve been discussing a lot more, but not what exactly” Ruth replied.

“Dad said he is taking some time off and staying with Liam or taking him home and he was not going to take no for an answer, said he’s been held back enough by mum now” Nicola added.

The room fell into a rather awkward silence after that, until Paul came back, bearing rather bad news.

“It’s in the media. Robert is figuring something out with the other boys, but it is out there” he just stated, “Andy, Paddy or I will be outside this door at all times, okay? We don’t want any incidents with fans here, so I’ve been talking to the hospital security as well.”

“Our dad is coming” Ruth told him, “He’ll probably want to talk to you”

Paul nodded, “Alright, we’ve had a few phone calls already. We’ll let him right in. Do you know when?”

“He left home like twenty minutes ago and is coming straight here” Nicola supplied, and Paul nodded, “Alright. If you need anything, just come get either of us”

It was an hour later when Liam first woke up again. He seemed a little disoriented at first and embarrassed once everything that happened came back to him. A nurse came to check on him and left some lunch as well which Liam didn’t even touch. Talking wasn’t really on his mind as well, as he just shrugged and shook his head if he was asked anything, not saying a word.

“Louis wanted to talk to you when you woke up” Josh said softly, “Are you up for that?”

Liam just shook his head again, so Josh got up and said, “I’ll be right back”

He already had his phone in hand and before the door closed, Liam heard him say, “Hey, Louis, yeah, he…”

Nicola decided now was as good as a time to say, “Dad is coming, he wants to see you”

Liam frowned at that and surprised them all by saying, “Why?”

“He’s really worried and we know you wanted your space and independency and everything, but he is worried and wants to see you to make sure you are actually okay” Ruth explained, leaving out the parts about the fight with their mother.

“Oh” Liam just replied, looking a little surprised still.

Josh joined them again, telling Liam, “The boys all want to come back early. I told them not to, since there are already enough people here”

Liam nodded slowly, seemingly agreeing. Dan and Josh started a rather simple conversation with Ruth and Nicola after that since Liam really didn’t want to talk to them. After a while though, Liam reached out his hand towards Josh and the older boy frowned at first before getting up and sitting on the edge of the bed, “What’s wrong?”

The younger one just scooted back a little on the bed and pulled at Josh’s hand until he got the message and sat down next to Liam, letting him cuddle close. Liam let his head drop on Josh’s chest once again and closed his eyes.

“You could have just told me you wanted a hug” Josh chuckled softly as he wrapped his arms around him gently. He could feel Liam relax against him and soon the conversation that had stopped in the meantime picked back up.

Almost another hour later, Nicola announced, “Dad is here, I’ll go down and get him”

Ruth followed her sister out of the room and the second the door closed, Dan spoke up, “Your family doesn’t talk much about stuff, do they, Li?”

Liam just shook his head, not opening his eyes from where he was holding on to Josh just a little tighter now.

“Are you okay?” Josh asked a little concerned and the boy nodded, “Just don’t leave, please”

“Of course, not” Josh promised just as the door opened and a man stepped in that Josh assumed was Liam’s father Geoff. Liam sat up a little straighter while still being pressed into Josh’s side.

The man talked in a deep but really calm voice when he asked Liam how he was feeling as he took the seat Ruth had abandoned before.

“I’m fine” Liam immediately claimed again, and Geoff pulled the same grimace Liam did when he didn’t like something and Josh had to keep himself from laughing.

“Where are Ruth and Nicola?” Liam asked, looking towards the door.

“They went to get something to eat and Ruth wanted to call your mum” Geoff explained gently, and Liam nodded understandingly.

Dan spoke up, “I’m starving, I’ll see where they are and grab something as well. Josh?”

Liam spoke up before Josh could answer, “No”

“Just bring me something for lunch” Josh told his friend, “Thanks”

Dan left them alone and Liam suddenly seemed a lot more tense than before in Josh’s arms.

“Can we talk about this, Liam?” the man asked after a few moments of silence and Liam only nodded again.

“Okay… I’ve been talking to both Paul and Robert a lot in the past few days”

Liam looked surprised at that and Josh saw that his father saw that, too. He looked guilty and hurt at the same time. Liam had similar facial expressions; Josh noted again.

“I would like you to come home for a while after this, until you are feeling better. Your mother doesn’t like the idea, and I have been standing back and letting her decide since you did seem happier here with your friends. But now I feel, like that was a mistake. You are not okay and we all can see that now; we should have stepped in earlier and I am sorry for that”

“I’m not going home” Liam’s voice wavered as he protested, looking scared and panicked.

“I can’t watch this anymore, what you are doing to yourself, what has been done to you… We failed you as parents and we need to step up. I know your friends love you and want to help you, but it is not their job and it is not fair to them, that they have to act more like a parent to you than a friend.”

“No, that’s not… I… it’s…” Liam struggled to form any sentences as he just simply panicked, scared of having to go home.

“Liam calm down and listen. I don’t think this is final or everything, yet” Josh whispered calmly, “You are okay”

“I know I wasn’t around much when you were younger, since I had to work so much, and I believed your mother when she said you were fine. I should have questioned it more, but she had done great with your sisters and I never realised that it was different with you, until now. It never was fair to you and I messed up. It was naïve and dumb from me to do so and I want to do better and be there for you. I hated to be away from you all the time, working and it was different with your sisters because you are quite younger, they had me when they were kids, and you didn’t and maybe that’s what went wrong. I’m sorry.”

Liam had tears in his eyes now and was fighting against them, turning to Josh again, who offered comfort as always.

“I just want you to let me back in. I know I haven’t exactly earned it, but I don’t like how we’ve not talked since you left for tour, not really and I think we need to change that. I’m taking some time off work and if you really don’t want to come back home with us, I’d like to stay in London, to make sure you are okay”

Liam was fully crying now, fighting down the sobs that threatened to escape.

“Please don’t cry, I’m sorry” his father looked utterly sad and Josh felt sorry for him. He knew how horrible it felt to just want to help and being unable to.

Liam somehow managed to ask, “M-mum?”

“She’s back home” Geoff only said, trying to sound neutral which Josh could pick up since he knew what Nicola had said before.

“She doesn’t c-care” Liam just replied, looking devastated again.

“She cares, she just handles things differently. I’m sorry that it often isn’t the right way or a way that hurts you” Geoff explained, sounding torn.

“Y-you’ll stay?” Liam then asked, trying to look at his dad through the tears.

“If you will let me. I want to” the man nodded and smiled widely when Liam nodded.

When the other three came back, Liam and Geoff were talking to each other softly with Josh just listening in. Liam still had tried tears on his face and his eyes were red rimmed, but he wasn’t crying actively anymore.

“Sandy and Jon want to come over for dinner” Dan said, handing Josh some sandwich he had grabbed for him, “If you feel up to it, Li”

Liam nodded, a little smile creeping on his face as Josh started to eat.

“I wanted to talk to Paul again, I will be back in a few minutes, alright?” Geoff said to Liam before leaving the room once Liam nodded, looking unfazed. Nicola quietly followed him out the door while Ruth sat in his seat.

“What did you talk about?” Nicola asked her father the second the door closed.

“We talked and while he didn’t want to come back home, I think he liked my suggestion to stay in London with him for a while” Geoff explained, “I’ll drive home tonight and get a few things and then stay here for at least a week. To see if he will be okay. I can’t leave him again, Nicola, and I don’t care what your mother thinks by now”

Nicola sighed, “I get it, but I don’t like it… that you guys are fighting about this… Mum is really upset”

“I’ve put her first all this time and look what happened to Liam! I can’t do this anymore. You know I love your mother, that’s why I trusted her to take care of you guys all these years when I was away. But it didn’t work out and we need to try something else now”

“I know… I know…” Nicola sighed, “I’ll come with you tonight and talk to her. Maybe I can convince her a little or something”

Geoff nodded, “I need to talk to Paul now, though”

Nicola nodded and went back into the room, the whole attention was on her as she walked into the room, sitting on the edge of the bed, “So… dad said he’d stay here for a while?”

Liam nodded, smiling a little.

“Well, I thought that I would go home and see mum for a while if you are okay with dad and the boys here?”

Liam frowned at her for a moment, before realisation dawned on his face, “Right, great…. Yeah, sure”

“What?” Ruth asked, seeing the change in his mood.

“You guys really think I’m stupid, right? Something is going on with them, again” Liam just said, nodding towards the door, “But it’s fine, I’ll be okay”

Nicola sighed, turning to her little sister, not knowing what to say. It was enough of a confirmation for Liam, who just turned towards Josh, “Did you talk to Louis?”

“Yeah, earlier, you want to call him now?” Josh asked hopefully but Liam just shook his head, “Maybe later”

The two boys then went on to talk a little, with Liam effectively ignoring his siblings until his father came back into the room with Paul and a nurse in tow.

“Alright, there are way too many people in here right now!” the nurse exclaimed with wide eyes.

“Wait until the rest of the band arrives” Dan just chuckled which made Liam giggle. They were quite the bunch, especially when both bands came together.

“It’s alright, we can leave for a little. Do you need anything from home, Liam? We will come by later tonight again, is that okay?” Ruth asked and the two sisters soon were out of the room.

The nurse checked Liam’s vitals before seeing that he still had not eaten anything.

“Well, it doesn’t look that appetising, though” Dan tried to cut the tension a little when he saw Liam freeze up and joked, “I wouldn’t want to eat that either”

“You are welcome to bring something else in. We just need to know what and how much he ate, if he wants to get released any time soon” the nurse replied with a grin, “This is one of the few cases where we actually encourage people to smuggle food in”

Dan laughed at that, “Nice”

The nurse then turned to Josh, “You are also not where you are supposed to be”

“I’m not even here, I’m just a pillow right now” Josh replied quickly, trying to make himself as small as possible. Liam giggled against his chest at that and just lifted his left hand, so it was over Josh’s stomach and he cuddled closer.

“Alright, but I need to get to your IV now, Liam” the nurse addressed the youngest in the room, “I’m unhooking this for now, but we will start another bag in a few hours and see how you are doing after that”

Liam grimaced at her. He didn’t like the way the IV felt and had been rather happy when the current bag had finished. The nurse finished up quickly after that, asked him a few more questions which he only answered with either a nod or shake of his head and then left afterwards.

“I talked to Robert and the boys about the next few weeks, Liam, are you up for talking about this?” Paul gently asked as he moved further into the room now, sitting down where Ruth and Geoff had previously been. Liam nodded.

“Alright, we are going ahead and pushing our plans for next week back” Paul stated, cautiously watching Liam’s reaction but he had been expecting it, so he didn’t protest, really. He didn’t have any arguments either.

“The boys will come back in a few days as planned and start recording next week without you and do some press the week after. You can join them occasionally depending on how you are doing. The label wants to get the album out as soon as it’s finished basically but we will wait until you are ready to perform again for that. The next tour you boys wanted to do is not on the table anymore, not until you are fully cleared”

Liam looked upset at what he was hearing, mostly sad though and disappointed as he didn’t even try to protest like he usually would. Paul, who had been ready for a fight was probably the most surprised, asking, “Are you okay, Liam?”

This time the boy just nodded, closing his eyes against Josh’s chest, where he was still laying.

“You can’t just do that every time you don’t want to talk anymore” Josh told him softly, but still held him gently in his arms. Liam didn’t budge tough.

“It’s alright. That was really all I have for now as well. If you all need anything else, Paddy will be outside for the rest of today and Andy tonight. I will be back tomorrow morning. You can call me anytime, though”

Josh nodded and thanked him, promising to call if they needed anything while Liam just stayed in his position. After Paul left, Geoff fell into a comfortable conversation with Josh and Dan while Liam just stayed where he was, not moving or opening his eyes at all. At some point Josh started to move a little, before smirking, “Yep, he’s definitely out again”

When Sandy and Jon came with some dinner, Liam woke up from all the noise the other two boys made no matter where they went. Jon and Sandy both had no hesitation as they climbed on the bed as well since no more seats were left, sitting at the foot of the bed. They both seemed rather concerned and watched Liam closely for the first few minutes until the boy grabbed a piece of pizza after Josh had nudged him towards it.

While the rest of the boys finished eating Liam barely managed his one piece. The nurse however seemed really happy with that, even though it hadn’t been much she almost celebrated it, making Liam smile a little, actually. When Liam was in the bathroom, she just turned to the boys who had looked rather confused, “It’s called positive reinforcement, boys. Don’t make him feel bad for not eating, make him feel good for at least trying, alright?”

Shortly after Nicola and Ruth showed up again with a bag for Liam and to get their father. They both would go back home with him for the night and depending on the situation come back in the morning again. Liam didn’t like that his father left, but still smiled and just hoped that he would stay true to his words and come back. Not much later, the nurse came back and started to kick the band out. Liam quickly grabbed Josh’s hand, stopping him from leaving the bed, “D-don’t leave”

“Liam, I need to go” Josh turned to him worriedly, “We’ll come back tomorrow morning, I promise, and you have your phone and can call me. Andy is just outside as well”

Liam slowly let go of him, pulling back and curling up on himself.

“Liam…” Josh sighed, feeling guilty at leaving Liam alone, but the rules were rules, and the nurses were adamant about them going. He hugged the reluctant boy, once again promising to be back soon before following his bandmates out the door a while later.

The next morning, Josh felt even worse when he entered Liam’s room the second visiting hours allowed him to. One of the nurses that recognised him from the day before, had just stopped him, “He’s had a rough night and is still a little upset with everyone”

Liam was curled up on his bed, not facing the door and didn’t even move when Josh entered with a smile, “Good morning sunshine!”

Josh walked around the bed and saw Liam quickly press his eyes together. Liam almost looked worse than the day before.

“I know you are awake, love, did you get any sleep at all?” Josh said softly, sitting on the edge of the bed and putting a comforting hand on Liam’s arm. The boy didn’t react, all Josh could tell was just how tense he was. The drummer sighed and waited for a while, before climbing in on the other side of the bed, spooning Liam and holding him close, “I’m sorry I left you, Liam. You can sleep now if you want, I won’t leave again.”

He felt the tension slowly ease as Liam slowly relaxed into his embrace and at some point, he was sure Liam was asleep, but Josh didn’t dare to move. It felt like forever until the door opened again and Josh turned around to find Geoff entering. He was holding a cup of coffee and looked tired as well as surprised to see Josh, “You are here early”

“I promised to come back first thing in the morning last night” Josh just shrugged.

Geoff smiled at him, “You boys are all pretty great, do you know that?”

Josh just shrugged again, he was feeling anything but great, knowing that Liam had a horrible night and he had just left him.

“I was here earlier, and he wouldn’t even look at me” Geoff sighed, “I only left to talk to his doctor”

“Yeah, he didn’t talk to me either” Josh looked sad, but continued to ask, “What did he say?”

“They are keeping him at least another night. Natalie will come by today and talk to him before they’ll figure out what to do next” Geoff explained, then chuckled and shook his head as he looked at Liam, “You know what is funny? Liam never was much of a cuddler when he was a kid, always pushed us away and wanted to be alone. I never realised that might change and we definitely missed that happening as well”

Josh smiled sadly at him, “Well, you know now, and you can try and make up for that”

“Yeah, I am trying to do that, sorry, for all of this” Geoff looked apologetically.

“It’s fine, don’t worry. Liam is my best friend and I like being there for him” Josh just told him, “And the boys love it, too. Louis doesn’t even know how not to. I feel like he is a little lost if he doesn’t have someone to look after, especially when he misses his little sisters”

Geoff smiled at that, “I’m really glad Liam found all of you. Even if I can’t tell you apart, yet”

“Me too, we are all close, really, and we are quite the group now, so don’t worry, you’ll learn!” Josh smiled at him. The two of them continued to talk for a little while until Liam started to slowly wake up again and the boy moved out of Josh’s arms to sit up. Josh followed his motions, and they were both sitting next to each other a while later. The first thing Liam actually said to either of them, was that his collarbone was hurting in a soft stutter. Geoff went to get a nurse who also brought his breakfast with her as well as some pain medication. Liam only took the meds and didn’t as much as glance at the food.

Next the boy wanted to know when he could leave and stated that he wanted to go home. When his dad told him, it was at least another day, Liam just seemed completely resigned again, before simply saying, with determination, “No, I’m not staying”

“That’s not something you can decide” Josh told him, softly chuckling, but he was concerned underneath it.

“I don’t care, I’m not doing this again” Liam shook his head.

“Liam, no, you can’t leave unless the doctor says so” his father told him, but Liam just shook his head frantically, “No, no, no”

Josh didn’t know what to do, he knew how to comfort an upset and scared Liam, a panicking Liam but when he got angry or stubborn like this, Josh felt overwhelmed. Geoff scooted his chair a little closer and asked Liam to look at him and to listen. The man tried to explain to him that they were just trying to look out for him and wanted him to feel better. When it didn’t seem to do much to help, he asked, “Why do you not want to stay?”

“I don’t want to be alone” Liam admitted after a few seconds of struggling to find his words, then nodded towards his breakfast, “And I’m tired of that”

Geoff nodded understandingly, his voice calm like always, “Okay, regarding the first problem, we can talk to the doctor or nurses about this and see if you can have someone here during the night. The second thing is something we can’t do much about. You need to eat to be alive, Liam, there is no way around it and we need to figure out a way to make this easier for you”

“C-can you ask now?” Liam asked quietly and Geoff nodded, “Will you be okay for another day if they allow this?”

Liam nodded slowly and watched his father leave the room after that. Josh then turned to him, “Are you mad at me for leaving?”

“No” Liam said but it didn’t really sound convincing.

“It feels like you are, though”

“I’m mad at myself”

Josh frowned, “What for?”

“There’s a lot wrong with me, isn’t it?” Liam just looked at him, “I’m a freak, I can’t do anything right and now I’m being stupid and weird because I never want you to leave. I hate when you are not here and that is pathetic”

“Liam, that is not stupid” Josh shook his head, “And you are not a freak or weird. I don’t like it when I’m not with you either and that is okay”

“No, it’s not, it’s weird!” Liam argued.

“Why? You are my friend and I like being around you!”

“But that’s not how it’s supposed to be! I need Louis and Zayn as well, but not like this and it’s different and I don’t know why” Liam told him, seemingly getting more and more upset about this.

“Liam…” Josh looked at him torn, “It’s just… why do we have to question this? Can’t we just act as if it was normal?”

“No” Liam shook his head, “Because I barely know what is going anymore and I can’t think when you are not with me”

“I can’t think without you either” Josh just said, “But I’m not going to ruin our friendship now if this is not what I think it is”

“What if I want you to?” Liam asked, looking at Josh with unsure and scared eyes.

“Why don’t you?”

“Because I already feel like I’m about to panic, so either we stop this conversation or you move it forward, because I’m ready to run away again” Liam looked frightened, Josh noticed and shook his head.

“You look scared, Liam, I can’t. I still feel like we are not talking about the same thing”

“I think we are” Liam said, now smiling slightly, “But I need to warn you, I’ve never done this. I didn’t have any friends before, so relationships were not really on the table either”

Josh smiled at that, realising that Liam was right, “Are you sure? I feel like this is not the right time”

“I really don’t care, I already am a mess, and this can’t possibly make it worse, can it?”

“I suppose not”

“Good, can you kiss me now, please?” Liam just asked and Josh smirked at him with a shake of his head. But he leaned in any ways and did as told. After they pulled apart again, both were grinning and Liam said, “Well, that was surprising”

“That was confusing. I thought you were really mad at me for a while, don’t do that to me” Josh told him with an exasperated expression. Liam suddenly started to laugh, confusing Josh, “So… the fans knew about this before us, which is kind of scary and ironic”

“Yeah, that for sure, but the boys have been teasing us for a while as well. I just never… I didn’t really until… recent” Josh agreed, then asked, “What exactly is ‘this’, though?”

“Well… I don’t know. You have dated before and have had relationships; I don’t know how people are supposed to act or so?” Liam frowned.

“Are we dating? Or are we in a relationship?” Josh asked.

“I feel like we’ve been dating since the tour” Liam told him sincerely and Josh smiled, “Relationship, then?”

Liam nodded and Josh’s smile grew even wider, “Great, so I can tell the boys you are my boyfriend now?”

“Sure” Liam shrugged, “But don’t go post it somewhere… I don’t want people to start talking about us again”

“Sunshine, they never really stopped” Josh just laughed, “But I’ll only tell the boys and my family, alright?”

Liam smiled at him, “Okay”

A voice from the door startled them, it was Liam’s dad, “Are you boys done now or do I need to take another walk through this ward until you are done confessing your love to each other?”

Liam’s mouth fell open in shock as he simultaneously blushed a deep shade of red while Josh started to laugh loudly. Geoff just smirked at them, “You boys didn’t even notice me coming in the first time”

“Oh god” Liam muttered, and Geoff just smiled, “Don’t worry, no need for it. Everything is okay and I believe you two are the last to realise this as well”

“I’m not sure whether to love or hate this right now” Josh said with a torn face.

“Hate, definitely” Liam supplied with a groan, but then looked at his father more serious, “W-what did they say?”

“It’s okay, one person, only though” Geoff told him, and Liam looked instantly relieved.

Later in the morning, Josh and Liam called his four bandmates and before either of them had the chance to even greet them, the four were all talking over each other, almost shouting as they tried to be the first to talk to Liam. The younger one flinched a little at the loud noises and Josh had to yell at them to get them to shut up for a moment.

“Alright, now that you have calmed down, why don’t you ask one question instead of twenty at once?” Josh laughed in a more relaxed voice soon after. Geoff had left the room so it was only the two boys who could hear Louis saying, “You are an asshole for scaring us like that, Liam”

“I’m sorry” Liam just said, his voice sounding unsure and a little scared as he could hear how upset they were.

Zayn then spoke up, asking about how Liam was feeling and why he didn’t tell them he had been getting worse during the week. Liam couldn’t really explain it, he hadn’t felt worse exactly, he actually had felt good for going out and being with his sisters without having a panic attack apart from that one time and he did handle that rather good, Liam thought. Josh added, “We didn’t realise it either, since we didn’t have any meals with him and he kind of fooled his sisters a little who just didn’t realise that he wasn’t eating”

“I didn’t mean to” Liam whispered, looking at Josh with wide eyes. He didn’t want them to think that he was actively trying to lie to them or anything.

“Well, we definitely learned that you are not well enough to keep track of your own meals with this week” Harry said, focusing rather on the problem then what Liam had done or not, “We can do that once we come back. Do you know when you can go home, yet?”

“No” Liam groaned, sounding as frustrated as he was, “I hate it and I want to go home!”

“They want him to stay for another night, since he hasn’t eaten anything yet, really” Josh said and received a soft push from Liam and a glare, “What? It’s true! And you are not getting out until you do!”

“I hate you; I ate last night!” Liam replied.

“You took two bites of your pizza and were about to cry” Josh just said.

“Liam, you are scaring me, like seriously…” Niall spoke up, not having spoken up at all until now, “You weren’t this bad when we left. I want to come back and help”

“Me too” Louis said, “I hate not being there when you need us and don’t tell us you don’t because we can see that you are not okay with just your sisters there”

“Well…” Liam started slowly, “My dad is here now, and my sisters left. He said he’s staying in London for now”

“Staying? For how long?” Zayn asked confused, sounding almost upset, “Are you okay with that?”

“I don’t know” Liam sighed, “It’s weird… I didn’t think… I mean, my mum doesn’t care enough, and everything is weird right now and I kind of want to know… if, like, if he’ll stay, you know?”

“I get that, Liam, I’m just worried that everything will be too much. I mean look what happened with your sisters, how do we know it won’t make everything worse with your dad there because it is a lot to deal with” Zayn replied, sounding concerned.

“He wasn’t getting any better with all of us there, either just didn’t get worse, though. Maybe we are just not enough to help him heal” Harry didn’t agree with his bandmate.

“I’m sorry, I know I’m messed up and I messed up this week” Liam told them, sounding upset. Josh also could see his facial expression and put his arm around the other’s back comfortingly. Liam leaned into the touch like always.

“Don’t apologise, it’s not like you want this” Louis told him, “Just… please try and do what your doctors tell you and get better. We will be there the day after tomorrow”

“I am trying… but I just… I couldn’t… tonight and…” Liam stuttered, and Josh spoke up again, “Last night was pretty bad for Liam, since we had to leave for the night so he was alone. His dad convinced the nurses to let someone stay tonight, though, so that might help”

They talked for a little while more with the other boys telling Liam about what they were doing and soon they were interrupted by the door opening. His father entered, “Are you still on the phone? I found some more visitors wandering around outside”

Behind him Dan and Jon trailed into the room, smiling at them, and carrying some take out again as well.

“We brought food” Dan announced, making Liam grimace a little but Zayn spoke up on the phone again. They quickly said their goodbyes and then hung up.

“How do you feel, Liam?” his father sat by his bed again, looking worried at his pale son but Liam just shrugged while the other boys again just climbed on his bed and made themselves comfortable. Dan handed him something to eat before giving some to the other boys as well. Liam picked up the fork and took like two bites before leaning his head against Josh who was still sitting next to him. The older one turned and smiled at him before pressing a gentle kiss to Liam’s head, making the younger one smile as well.

“You guys are disgusting” Jon told them with a shake of his head but a fond smile on his face.

“Yeah, you are worse than Sandy and his girlfriend and those are dating!” Dan added.

“About that…” Josh spoke up, looking at Liam a little unsure as he trailed off. Liam looked at him encouragingly but somehow Josh lost his confidence, uncertain on how to say it. The younger one just smirked at Josh before leaning in and kissing the older boy.

“What the fuck!?” Jon almost shouted as Dan just stared at them. Liam grinned as he pulled back and in a low voice asked Josh, “You think they got that, or do we need to actually spell it out?”

“When did that happen?” Jon asked, still sounding completely exasperated, then turned to Dan, “You owe me money!”

“Mate, no way!” Dan shook his head, “Neither of us was right!”

“I was closer, though!” Jon told him.

“Wait a second” Josh glared at them, “Is this really what it sounds like? If so, I am going to actually kill you, you idiots!”

“You participated in the bet about me breaking up with Sarah, you have no right to complain!” Dan returned the glare just as angrily and Josh laughed, “But I was right! I knew she was going to break up with you before you ever got the guts to do so yourself! And that relationship was a mess!”

“You are one to talk about, remember Drew?” Jon replied, making the whole room groan, even Liam.

“Hey, that is mean” Josh sounded actually a little hurt by that.

“But he was an idiot” Jon replied, “Like, literally, so bloody stupid that guy”

“Not stupid enough to cheat, though” Dan countered, and Josh loudly said, “Stop! Alright, that is enough!”

Liam smiled softly up at him and said, “Don’t worry, we were mostly joking”

Josh grinned at him, “Mostly, thanks a lot, Li”

Liam just smirked and Josh leaned down to press a quick kiss on his boyfriend’s lips before returning to his lunch with Liam doing the same, taking just a few bites at a time again.

“Wait, do that again” Jon suddenly said, motioning at the couple sitting opposite him.

“What?” Dan wondered, looking as confused as the others.

“Josh, do what you just did with Liam again” Jon ordered and insisted on even as Josh shook his head and protested. At some point Josh gave in and kissed Liam again, before they both turned to Jon with questioning eyes. Jon had gone back to eating, though, ignoring them.

“What is wrong with him?” Liam asked as Josh just shrugged and the younger one started eating again.

“It works!” Jon yelled triumphantly as Liam picked up his fork again and the younger one immediately froze and glared at Jon.

“What?” Josh was still oblivious.

“Every time you kiss him, he eats more” Jon told him with a wide grin which quickly fell of his face when Liam threw his phone at him. It had been the closest object to him and rather forcefully hit Jon in the chest who looked devastated, “Ow, that hurt”

“And you deserved that” Dan told him with a shake of his head, “Sometimes I wonder whether the dumbest one is you or Sandy”

Liam on the other hand had pushed the rest of his lunch away from himself and turned to Josh who had his arms around him now. Jon still didn’t seem to realise that what he had said was rather hurtful to Liam and tried to justify it, “But it was working, I don’t”

“Mate, just shut up” Josh hissed at him, “It’s not a joke, alright?”

“I’m sorry?” Jon then offered, sounding sincere but Liam had already hidden his face against Josh’s face, trying so hard to get his confusing emotions under control. It had hurt when Jon had said that, and Liam couldn’t really explain why. It felt like he was making fun of him and his problem while also somehow using this new and a little scary relationship with Josh for his own amusement.

“Jon didn’t really mean anything by that, he just thought he was being smart while being really dumb” Dan told him in a soft voice and Liam hated that his friends always treated him this fragile the second he got upset. Josh just held him while the other three finished their meal and started up a lighter conversation again.

“We have to go now” Jon told them a little while later, glancing at his watch and Dan started to get up. The musician apologised to Liam again who just shrugged it off, not trying to be mean by holding a grudge but he also still felt so vulnerable with this topic that he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. The two bandmates then left, and Liam and Josh were alone with his dad again. The man had patiently waiting for the boys to finish their little visit and didn’t interrupt their conversation either. But now that they were gone, he came closer again and asked Liam how he was feeling.

“Tired” Liam just said, finally moving to sit up and showing his face again in a while. Josh kept his arm around his back, though, not wanting to let go just yet. Geoff nodded and suggested for Liam to take a little nap which Josh knew Liam was ready to protest but after just a look from his father, the boy relented and nodded.

“I promised to call my mum today, so I’ll just go outside for a moment” Josh told Liam who was getting comfortable in the bed as he scooted to the edge. Liam frowned at him and Josh said, “I’m not leaving, okay?”

Liam nodded with a soft smile and Josh then left the room as Liam tried to sleep. He was so exhausted and tired but the second he laid down and tried to sleep, his mind wouldn’t let him.

“Dad?”

“Yeah?” his father looked at him with worry on his face as Liam tried to turn on his right side to face him, but it hurt too much, and he rolled back over to his back.

“Why does mum not care about me?” Liam asked him simply.

“She loves you, Liam” his father was shocked how Liam could ask this.

“She doesn’t care, not like she does with Ruth and Nicola” Liam told him with a frown, “And I know that for a fact, don’t lie to me”

“Liam…” Geoff grimaced at that.

Liam wasn’t having any of that, he glared at his father, his voice upset, “No, you need to tell me. If I have to talk about stuff, you need to, too. It’s not fair and you keep lying to me and not telling me things. I know you and mum were fighting because of me!”

Geoff sighed but nodded, “Okay, you are right. Completely right. How can I expect you to get better with all of us being this way around you. To be honest, I don’t know what’s wrong with her, I know that something definitely is wrong, because she treats you differently. I never noticed until all of this happened and I started to actually pay attention to what she was saying and doing, and it is my fault for not realising that sooner.”

“Stop apologising and just tell me what I did to make you fight again” Liam groaned, he didn’t like the way all this was making him feel.

Geoff shook his head, “You did nothing wrong, Liam, but you deserve so much more than what we gave you! When you were sick… your mother wanted to stay home for a while with you, to take care of you and I agreed to work more. It was my fault for agreeing. I wasn’t home much and couldn’t see what was going on. I knew something was up, when you grew quieter as you got older but I thought you were just being a teenager and when I was home on the weekends I had my hands full with your sisters and your mother and never bothered to question them when they said you were fine. Don’t try and blame yourself for this, you did nothing wrong. It was us that messed up and messed things up for you as well. If I had taken a moment to question things we wouldn’t be here, Liam.”

Liam sniffled softly, his eyes blinking rapidly for a moment before he said, “I just don’t understand”

“What do you not understand?”

“Why didn’t you… why… I just… I tried” Liam stuttered over his words, not sure if he really wanted to say the things he was about to say, “Why did you always like Ruth and Nicola more? Both of you? Something must be wrong with me and no one else liked me either… I don’t even like myself”

Geoff looked like he wanted to cry as well now, “I am so sorry we made you feel that way, that I made you feel that way”

Liam reached up to rub at his eyes now, still trying to keep his composure, but his father got up from his seat and sat on the edge of the bed, asking, “Can I hug you?”

Liam nodded and sat up, letting himself be hugged by his father and that was enough for him to break down crying once again. It was a strange feeling for his father to be the one trying to comfort him. He doesn’t remember the last time or any time that this had happened before. He’d always kept his feelings to himself and definitely didn’t show it to his family.

“I’m sorry, Liam, I love you and I’m sorry I never could show you” Geoff told him, his voice laced with emotion as well. He looked up when he heard the door move open and saw Josh halting mid movement. Liam hadn’t even noticed it and Josh slowly backed out again and Geoff smiled at him thankfully. They stayed like that for a little while longer, before Liam spoke up again, his voice rough and shaky, “Why is she still friends with Michael’s mum?”

“What?” Geoff looked a little surprised, “She told me you talked about this when she was in London with Ruth. I thought you were okay with it?”

Liam shook his head, “I didn’t… I couldn’t… even talk about it when she asked”

Geoff frowned, “Well, that is not okay, then… I didn’t like the idea of them just continuing on as if nothing happened after all this but when she said you were okay with it…”

“I’m not” Liam just said.

“I’m sorry” Geoff told him, sounding upset. Liam didn’t reply to that for a long while, but he was the first one to pull back from the hug, moving to lie down on the bed again, seemingly exhausted now.

“You want to try and get some sleep again?” his father asked softly, and Liam nodded.

His dad smiled, “Alright”

Liam returned the smile and then closed his eyes, trying to fall asleep. He was still a little upset though, and very emotional so it didn’t come easy. Knowing that his dad was with him helped, though, more than he’d expected and after a while he eventually did fall asleep.

Geoff waited until Liam was fully asleep before he got up and looked out the door, to find Josh sitting on one of the chairs in front of the room, chatting with the security guard out there.

“Josh” Geoff caught his attention, “You can come back in if you’d like. Liam is asleep now, though”

Josh was up and inside the room faster than expected.

“Could you watch him for a while? I have to make a few calls and I don’t want him to think I left in case he wakes up” Geoff asked, still standing near the door and Josh assured him, he’d take care of Liam and to take his time, “He usually is out for a few hours when he didn’t sleep much during the night”

And Liam did only wake up in the late afternoon, seemingly still a little confused but happy when he saw both Josh and Geoff in the room. Josh was sitting on a chair next to the bed, his feet lifted up on it and staring at his phone while his father was on the other side of the bed, reading a book. When Josh saw that his boyfriend was awake, he grinned widely, “Hey there… look what I found in one of the snack machines”

The older one threw a little pack of Oreos on the bed which Liam returned with a wide smile. He grabbed them and immediately opened the pack to take one out. Geoff smiled at that, “How are you feeling, Liam?”

“Better” Liam just said, nibbling on the cookie.

“Zayn said he got some new comics, but we can’t read them until he’s finished with them” Josh informed him, “He’s been spoiling things, too”

Liam grinned, “Don’t tell me what he said, that’s mean”

“Zayn is mean” Josh nodded.

“What, Zayn is not mean!” Liam protested with a frown.

“Correction: He’s mean to everyone but you and Niall” Josh told him, “He gets annoyed with everyone else, especially Louis”

Liam couldn’t help but nod, Zayn and Louis could get loud and aggressive with each other which he didn’t liked.

The boys fell into an easy banter afterwards and Liam surprised himself, when he reached for another Oreo to found the package empty. Josh saw his confused reaction and smiled, “Do you think you can try some real food?”

Liam shook his head, immediately tensing up.

“We could get you some more Oreos if you’d rather like them” his father spoke up with a raised eyebrow. His son still seemed hesitant but shrugged after a moment, making Josh grin widely again. Geoff got up and returned with some more snacks and while Liam didn’t immediately start eating again, he did finish a second pack until it was time for dinner again.

As he was prompted to eat more then, Liam started to complain that he was feeling sick again and got himself rather worked up and upset about the whole thing. After some medication to help with that, Liam did agree to try again and ate just enough to make Josh and Geoff happy.

The boy surprised them both when visiting hours were nearing to their end and he asked for his dad to stay with him during the night. Even Josh smiled at that, knowing that it was a big step for Liam to request that and he promised to bring breakfast in the morning before leaving with a gentle kiss.


	14. Fourteen

The following day went by similar with the exception of noon where Liam’s doctor and Natalie showed up and both talked to him alone for a while. Josh and Sandy had both been there for lunch as well as Paul and Geoff who all were surprised when the doctor told them that Liam would be released that afternoon. They had a new, adapted schedule for him to follow for his therapy sessions and prescribed him a mix of medication as well. Liam didn’t seem to mind it as he was smiling happily at the group once they entered his room again. When Sandy asked how he was feeling about all this, he just shrugged, “I just want to go home”

Paul sent the boys away just before Liam was supposed to leave the hospital, since he wanted to draw as little attention to them as possible. He brought Liam and his father to Liam’s apartment about an hour later without any incidents. Once Liam was home, all he wanted to do was cuddle and sleep and told Josh that as well. The older boy just laughed while Liam’s father seemed utterly confused by that and led Liam to his bedroom. They got changed into some more comfortable clothes and huddled close under the blankets until they both could take a nap.

Geoff woke them later, shaking them gently, “Boys, wake up…”

Liam was awake before Josh who seemed rather content where he was curled up next to Liam still snoring a little.

“Your friends showed up again with games and guitars and dinner” Geoff informed him, and Liam smiled.

Josh now seemed awake as well, groaning, “Tell them to go. We are sleeping”

Geoff and Liam both laughed as Liam pushed Josh a little to get him to move, “They were your friends first, so get up”

“You get up” Josh retorted but did open his eyes finally.

While Josh got out of bed to join his bandmates in the kitchen, Liam wanted to take a shower first. Josh was a little scared to leave Liam alone, but the younger one assured him he was feeling a lot better now than two days before. Liam didn’t bother putting on anything else but his shorts after the shower, his arm already aching again and only grabbed his sling and pain meds before leaving the room. He definitely still needed them after moving around a lot and especially after his physical therapy sessions. The boys were all sitting in a circle around the coffee table in the living room with Jon and Sandy on the sofa, Josh in the armchair and Dan on a chair. Sandy and Dan were both messing around on their guitars and Liam saw his dad in the kitchen. He slowly walked over to them, well to Josh and let himself be pulled to sit between his boyfriends legs, leaning back against him.

“Need help with that, sunshine?” Josh asked in a soft whisper.

“I don’t need-“ Liam replied, but Josh just hushed him, “Wanting is the same”

Josh helped him but, on his sling, and then took the meds he was holding to see that they were his pain killers, “Is it bad?”

Liam shook his head, “Showering just hurts still”

The boy then got up despite his boyfriend’s protests to get himself some water from the kitchen. His father was now sitting at the kitchen table, staring at his laptop. He looked up at Liam with a worried glance, “Are you feeling alright?”

Liam put his pain meds on the table as he went to get himself some water before sitting down next to his dad, “Yeah”

He struggled a little to get his water bottle unscrewed but managed and took some pain meds before leaning against his dads shoulder, “What are you doing?”

“Just answering some work emails” Geoff replied, “Don’t you want to go back out to your friends?”

Liam just slowly shook his head and Geoff nodded at that, a little smile on his face. He continued to watch his dad work for a little while before yawning again.

“Did you eat anything, yet?” Geoff asked and Liam groaned, turning to hide his face against his dad’s arm. The man stopped typing on his laptop and closed it, “Well, what do you think would be the easiest for you to eat right now?”

Liam didn’t reply and Geoff turned towards him, making him sit up fully.

“Do you want to try what the band brought, or do you want me to make you something else?” the man asked, “And these two are your only options”

Liam glared at him and shrugged. Geoff nodded and left the room, returning with something to eat for him later, “Your boyfriend is worried”

“I’m not hungry”

“Liam, this is not up for debate” Geoff shook his head and set the food down in front of him, “I want you to try at least and tell me if you feel sick again”

It wasn’t easy for Liam and he definitely started to cry a few times more as he tried to eat his dinner. His father just sat with him and encouraged him to keep going. Josh stood in the door just as he was about to finish his dinner and his eyes widened as he saw that, before his face just turned into a wide grin. Geoff tried to subtly shook his head at the boy, not wanting him to bring this up. Liam was busy pushing around the last pieces with his fork and just frowned as Josh slid on the bench next to him, his arm sneaking around his waist.

“Missed you” Josh whispered into his ear before kissing his cheek.

Liam didn’t answer and Josh didn’t push him, just sat there, and let Liam work through this. Geoff was on his other side and kept up his encouragement from before.

“You did really good, Liam. I know it’s hard right now, but it will get easier, alright?” Geoff told him once he was satisfied with the amount Liam ate and took away the empty dish. Liam didn’t answer him, though. After they sat in silence for a little longer, Josh asked, “Do you want to see what the others are up to? Jon wanted to keep on working on the song you two started last week”

Liam nodded slowly and Josh pulled him along to the living room again where the other boys were still hanging out. It took a while for Liam to get his emotions back together. He just didn’t feel alright, yet. But at some point, he started to slowly participate in the conversation and before he knew it, him and Jon were on the floor in the corner of the room, writing their song again. The others were messing around by the sofa and Liam actually felt content until they decided it was time for them to go. Josh stayed behind a little longer, not wanting to leave Liam and the both of them cuddled up on the sofa for a while.

“Liam, I think it’s time for you to get to bed” his father interrupted their soft whispers sometime later that night, standing in the doorway of the room, looking rather fondly at them.

“Wow… I don’t think I’ve been sent to bed by an adult in years” Josh laughed out loud, making Liam giggle.

“Probably not a bad idea, though, to have someone else here to keep track of usual human behaviour apart from Paul” Josh added and sat up, “We tend to forget things that are important”

“Well, throwing together nine boys, all between 16 and… how old are the others? No older than 20, right? Well, that is something to be expected, isn’t it?” Geoff replied.

“I have this meeting in the morning, so I won’t be back until lunch” Josh turned to Liam, looking apologetic, “But the boys will be back tomorrow sometime”

Liam sighed but nodded, “It’s okay. I'll be okay”

Josh kissed him softly goodbye before leaving the flat with a gentle smile to his boyfriend who was still on the sofa. His father just shook his head amusedly before stating, “Liam, bed”

Liam sighed but did start to get up slowly and then got ready for bed. Just as he was about to climb into his bed, his father showed up in the doorway, holding a bottle of pills, saying softly, “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Liam groaned as he let his head drop back against his pillow but then sat up again, reaching out to take his medication, knowing that there was no way around it. Not with his father making sure he was taking them. Geoff had sat down on the edge of the bed as Liam grabbed his water off the nightstand.

“I’m sorry you have to go through this. Do you need your pain medication as well?” the man asked, looking concerned.

“Not yet” Liam told him after grimacing as he swallowed the anxiety medication.

“Alright… I’m just in the other room if you need me and I’ll wake you tomorrow morning for your PT session with Katie. After that you have therapy as well” his father informed him, and Liam nodded slowly as he got comfortable in his bed. They both said goodnight and Geoff couldn’t help but straight out the blankets a little more and actually tucking Liam in a little before leaving the room and shutting off the light.

The next morning Liam was not that well rested, since he had woken up a few times during the night, sleep still not coming easy these days. He fought with his father about breakfast and when Katie showed up around nine in the morning for their session he was once again close to tears, feeling just utterly frustrated. While Liam had taken his pain meds first thing after waking up, he was grumpy during their session and incredibly sore after, the pain in his right arm and shoulder spreading through his whole body.

Afterwards his father sat with him in the living room, watching some tv while also trying to get him to snack on some fruit. Natalie showed up shortly before lunch and Liam briefly wondered whether they scheduled this just to torture him on his first full day back home. His father was once again working in the kitchen in the meantime, giving the both of them some space in the living room. Nearing the end of his session, his doorbell rang and before Liam could decide whether to answer the door or not and wondering who it was, his father was already on his way. Only seconds later, Liam barely had time to brace himself as a body flung himself at Liam and he had his lap full of a blonde Irish boy, hugging him, “Missed you!”

“Niall!” Liam grinned widely, hugging the younger boy back tightly as much as he could once, he had a second to assert the situation himself. Niall was clinging to him and not letting go, even when Liam tried to pull back. Liam then tried to sound as neutral as possible as he said, “Get off, you’re hurting me”

Niall immediately jumped up just to settle down pressed against his left side again, making sure to put no pressure on Liam’s remaining injuries, only now noticing Natalie in the room as well, “Oh, hi, uh… sorry?”

“Hello Niall” the woman smirked at him with a knowing smile as Liam let his head drop on top of Niall’s who was leaning against his shoulder.

“Can I stay?” Niall asked with an unsure voice, then turned to Liam, “I really missed you and the lads”

Liam just nodded, but turned to Natalie who just smiled, “We were just about to finish up actually. Could you give me ten more minutes and then you can have Liam all to yourself”

“No” Niall whined, “The others will be back soon and between Zayn and Lou I never get Li to myself!”

Liam actually frowned at that, not realising that Niall was actually feeling that way. It was true, though. The last time, Niall had really had his sole attention was when he had been sick and even then, it was shared with Harry. He made a mental note to make more time for Niall in the future. The boy let himself be convinced to leave for a few more minutes, though, but the second Natalie ended the session, he was back, practically sitting in Liam’s lap.

Meanwhile Geoff had made some lunch for the two boys and called them to the kitchen after giving them a little time to catch up. While Niall was on his second plate, Liam was still fighting the urge to throw up with every bite and he knew if it hadn’t been for his father there, Liam would not have eaten at all. While he had given in during breakfast, Liam just managed to barely eat a few bites with the man’s encouragement during lunch. Somehow his father knew when it was enough, though and let it go just when Liam felt ready to break down again. He knew he was disappointing both his father and Niall. Knowing this hurt so bad.

After lunch Niall quickly helped Geoff clean up the kitchen before dragging Liam back to the living room, talking rapidly and excitedly. The younger one didn’t even mind that Liam fell asleep sometime later, while he was still talking, just lied down with him on the sofa and took a nap himself. He woke up a little while later to soft voices, though and he knew the other three had arrived, since he had heard Louis first, like always. When he opened his eyes, though, Geoff was talking, “… sore after PT and therapy didn’t make it any better, so be gentle if possible”

“How long has Niall been here?” Zayn asked sounding worried and Niall chose that moment to sit up while Geoff said, “Almost three hours and it looks like he is awake at least”

“You’re back!” Niall called out and jumped up from his place next to Liam to give Zayn, Harry, and Louis a tight hug as well and told them just how much he had missed them as well. Zayn kept Niall close to him, arm thrown around his shoulder while Louis and Harry finally were allowed to wake Liam up. Harry resumed Niall’s former position, cuddling up to his older friend while Louis knelt next to the sofa first, gently waking Liam up. The boy seemed rather confused and took a few moments, his eyes fluttering close a few times again before he slowly sat up, rubbing at his face, and confusedly looking at Harry pressed against his side.

“You are back!” he called out rather sounding horse, his voice still laced with sleep as his frown of being woken up turned into a wide smile. Louis meanwhile had sat down on his right side and now hugged him as Liam wrapped his right arm around Harry and the three of them stayed close for a few moments, unwilling to let go.

“Where’s Zayn?” Liam asked tough, pulling back first, and looking around the room until his eyes landed on the older boy with a pout. Zayn softly laughed at his expression and glanced down at Niall who he still had his arm around, then up at his other bandmates, “Don’t worry, you’ll get a hug once these two are done”

“I’m not moving for at least another hour” Harry announced, getting comfortable against Liam’s side, his head on Liam’s shoulder, eyes closed. Liam chuckled a little, but he didn’t really mind, actually, he loved how affectionate the boys were lately and it felt good to be hugged.

Zayn and Niall didn’t seem to mind as they sat down on the armchair together with Louis refusing to give up Liam just yet as well. The boys talked softly for a little while, catching Liam up on what they had done back home, and Liam tried to evade any questions about his health in return. Louis at one point got up from his seat to use the bathroom and Zayn quickly stole his place and finally got a cuddle from Liam as well, despite Harry’s protests. Louis did not seem to mind though when he came back, just smiled at them and joined Niall on the armchair.

Geoff appeared in the doorway and asked, “Did you boys have a chance to eat lunch on the way?”

All four boys apart from Liam shook their head, making the man laugh loudly as he commented, “You ate with us, Niall”

Niall frowned before starting to laugh, “Oh, right, but-“

“Don’t worry, you can have something as well. I want Liam to at least have a snack while you eat” Geoff said, “Are you staying here, or will you come to the kitchen to eat?”

“We’ll get up” Louis told him as him and Harry got up to help as well. They didn’t like to be waited on like this, rather used to taking care of themselves and cooking on their own by now.

“Dad, where is my phone?” Liam asked from the living room, as they just turned to walk towards the kitchen, “Josh said he’d be here by lunch”

“I think you left it in the kitchen” Geoff replied and got it for him.

A little while later Louis got them to eat and Liam just didn’t get up with Zayn and Niall. Instead, he just stated that he wasn’t hungry, staring at his phone, looking rather upset. Zayn wasn’t having any of that and just pulled him up, dragging him along to the kitchen by his right arm. Liam was still agitated as he was forced to sit on one of the chairs and a plate was placed in front of him.

“I already ate breakfast and lunch, that’s not fair” Liam complained to his father, “It’s not even… I don’t…”

They all could tell that Liam was growing more and more frustrated, his breathing speeding up and his voice shaking.

“You didn’t even eat lunch, Li” Niall calling him out on this didn’t really help, even if it was innocent and not meant to upset him further though it did. Liam’s glare in his direction let him sink in his seat with a quick apology.

“Liam, there’s no need to get upset” his father’s calm voice interrupted them as he took a seat next to Liam, “And we agreed last night that you are going to try instead of getting upset before anything is even wrong, yet”

Liam shook his head, a few tears leaving his eyes and Geoff sighed, “Come on, then, let’s take a step back and talk”

The man stood up and somehow Liam followed him and the two of them took a few steps out of the room towards the living room, out of sight and ear shot for the other boys.

“I don’t like this, I want to help” Louis muttered, rather glaring at the door unhappily.

“You are, you saw how happy Liam was to see you, but it is their right to try and work out their relationship as well and I think it’s good that at least one of them is stepping up and trying” Harry shook his head disapprovingly, “Don’t you dare let Liam know you are jealous”

“I wasn’t planning to” Louis glared right back at him.

“Yeah, then drop that face because you are a terrible actor” Zayn told him with a shrug, “And no one is taking Liam away. You’ll still get to discuss this with him plenty of times, but it would be good to have the work split up, don’t you think?”

“No” Louis just said, “The problem is not that. I just don’t trust them to actually stick around. It seems like his mother got tired of the drama after her last visit, she hasn’t even tried to reach out and his sisters are gone as well again. I don’t want Liam to get used to his dad caring about him just for him to get tired of this”

Before either of the other boys could answer or think about this, the door opened and Geoff just stuck his head in, asking, “Did either of you hear from Josh? He hasn’t texted Liam and is late which is what is upsetting him right now”

“I’ll call him, did Li try that?” Louis asked, already dialing the number already, when the others shook their head.

“I don’t think so” Geoff shook his head.

“Is Liam okay?” Niall asked softly, looking concerned.

“He got himself worked up a little over this whole situation but promised to try at least” the man explained, “Does either of you want to sit with him and bring him his food?”

Meanwhile Louis was trying to call Josh, who picked up just as he was about to hang up again, “Louis, hey”

“Where are you? Liam is worried” Louis just said harshly.

“Just got out of my meeting, it ran late, and I couldn’t get to my phone” Josh explained, “I’m on my way”

Louis sighed, “Alright, just text him that”

“Of course, I’ll be there in a few” Josh said, and Louis replied, “See you in a few”

Louis then hung up and informed the others as Geoff had already left the room again. Zayn got up and said, “I’ll go and tell Liam”

He grabbed Liam’s plate and found Liam and Geoff in the living room. Liam was obviously crying and leaning against his father, sniffling who had his arm around him and was talking softly until they both saw Zayn.

“Josh’s meeting ran late and he’s on his way as he couldn’t get to his phone during it” Zayn sat, sitting on the sofa next to Liam, crossing his legs and facing the upset boy with the plate in his lap. Liam turned slightly towards him, looking pleadingly, but Zayn just shook his head slowly.

Liam cried and protested but in the end Geoff and Zayn both got him to eat just a little. Geoff sat with them after he had taken the plate away and kept on encouraging Liam, telling him that it would get easier with each time and that he was doing great. Zayn just held Liam afterwards, letting him be upset and cry for a while with Harry joining them a little while later and they all just cuddled, exchanged a few words every now and then and let Liam calm down slowly.

When Josh finally arrived, Harry threw his arms over Liam, who was smiling dopily at Josh, yelling, “No, you don’t get him, yet!”

As Liam was protesting and Zayn was just about to get up and leave Josh shrugged and just sat down on top of the three, planting himself in Liam’s lap and kissing him gently on the lips with a soft, “Hey, I’m sorry I couldn’t text earlier”

Liam smiled at him before glancing to his side, seeing Zayn stare at them open mouthed and flinched as Harry shouted, “Lou! Niall! Josh just kissed Liam!”

The two band members were quick to enter the room, looking utterly confused and Liam actually blushed this time just like Josh, who had by now pushed Harry fully away and was leaning against Liam’s left shoulder, sitting sideways on his boyfriend’s lap. Liam let his head drop forward, hiding his face in Josh’s hair, “You explain”

“Me?” Josh’s eyes widened and Liam nodded, “I did to your friends”

“No, you just kissed me, and they knew” Josh argued, then added, “Alright, fine, but why do we even need to?”

“What the bloody hell is going on here?” Louis finally asked, “Who kissed who?”

“Josh came in here, sat down” Harry motioned to where him and Liam were squished together before adding, “And just kissed!”

Louis frowned at the couple, “When did that happen?”

“Uhm, like… when I was in the hospital?” Liam mumbled, still not looking up.

“You mean to tell us, that you had nothing better to do than to snog Li when he was in the hospital for bloody passing out and being sick, Josh? Seriously?” Zayn looked rather upset. Josh looked a little taken a back, his embarrassed smile turning a little scared.

“No!” Josh protested, “Of course not! I didn’t mean to! It just happened”

“Right” Louis looked anything but convinced, but decided to not dwell on it and asked further questions, “Are you guys like officially dating? Who knows?”

“We agreed on boyfriend, right?” Josh asked Liam who nodded looking embarrassed, “And just the band, Liam’s dad and I told my brother”

“Do you want to keep it under wraps? Because Robert and Paul definitely need to know” Harry said.

“I know, we don’t know yet” Liam just supplied, “Are you… are you guys upset?”

“No, of course not” Niall now spoke up, smiling, “I’m happy, it kind of was about time, we are just surprised it happened and the timing could have been better”

“Yeah, sorry, we didn’t mean to sound so mean” Louis nodded while Zayn still looked rather upset and Harry just smiled as well.

“It’s fine, I get it, but just for the record, Liam brought it up, I would definitely have waited… I barely even knew what was going on myself” Josh stated.

“Yeah, me neither and it was starting to freak me out! That’s why I needed to talk about it!” Liam said as if it was obvious.

“That is new” Zayn dryly commented, “Usually you don’t say a word about what is going on in your head until you explode in a panic attack, like before. When you freaked out because Josh hadn’t texted or shown up”

“I don’t control that actively. I don’t know why” Liam mumbled, “I’m sorry, though?”

“Don’t apologise” Josh told him, kissing his cheek gently, “You did nothing wrong”

After this was cleared up, the boys resumed their usual activities, just like they had before their week at home. Liam fell asleep with Niall before dinnertime, both boys seemed utterly tired during the afternoon and while neither wanted to wake them up, Liam’s father told them that Liam needed to get used to a schedule.

While the band had tried to do that before, they had to admit, they never really followed through with it and Zayn took it upon himself to get them both up. Niall just clung to him, like a koala, arms around his neck and legs wrapping around his waist, whining about being tired and jet lag. Zayn chose to ignore the fact that it definitely could not be jet lag but simple exhaustion from traveling since he had ‘only’ been in Ireland and not far away.

Liam on the other hand sat up on his own, his expression turning rather pale as he realised it was time for dinner, arms wrapping around himself protectively. Zayn said softly, “Come on, you need to try, like your dad said”

The older boy then managed to carry a still unwilling Niall to the kitchen with Liam trailing behind them slowly. The others were still seated around the table and Zayn sat down with Niall still clinging to him, his head resting on his shoulder as he was about to try and go back to sleep.

“You are such a baby, Niall” Harry told him with a grin, poking Niall in the side to wake him up, “Eat, we are trying to follow a schedule, so no late night snacks for you anymore”

“What?” Niall looked utterly devastated, his eyes widening in shock as the room erupted in laughter.

“He’s joking, luv, just eat your dinner” Louis assured him with a grin. Liam had sat down between Louis and Josh, grabbing Josh’s hand, and following the conversation for a little while. He knew he was being watched and that there would be a time where his free pass to not eat was over. Josh did it first, lifting their hand and laying them on the table before pulling his own away. Liam tried to hold on, but his grip wasn’t as strong as it used to be and Josh succeeded.

Louis was next, putting his arm around Liam’s back, gently brushing up and down, in an effort to maybe comfort him, Liam guessed. While it didn’t exactly work, it did help him feel better a little. It probably didn’t even make sense what he was thinking.

After dinner, which Liam struggled with but not as much as with lunch, even if he didn’t eat his whole portion, Josh had to leave again. He and Liam kissed goodbye and Josh promised to call in the morning after his meeting with his band. Liam sometimes forgot that even though they were their backing band and on tour with them, that they had other responsibilities as well. Louis and Zayn both got up and walked out with Josh for a moment and all Liam could do was call out, “Don’t be mean you idiots and Josh, call me and tell me what they said!”

After this, which neither Louis or Zayn explained, the other four boys stayed well into the night and when Geoff suggested that Liam go to bed again, around the same time as last night, he was not only met with one whine from his son but five identical ones.

“Do you boys want to stay?” Geoff then asked with a knowing smirk and was met with an excited reaction.

“Alright, alright, calm down. But you are all going to sleep and no messing around. We want Liam on a schedule, eating and sleeping to help him get better which means no messing around all night and if I correctly remember you four are in the studio first thing tomorrow morning, right?” Geoff set some ground rules.

“This is so weird” Zayn muttered as the others agreed.

“Yeah, right?” Louis nodded knowingly.

“Josh already had a whole existential crisis since neither of you apparently use common sense or have had a parent send you to bed lately, so don’t worry” Geoff laughed as Liam looked rather amused.

“What?” Harry asked, seemingly confused, “When I’m home, mum tells me what to do as well”

“You are also the youngest” Louis laughed, “I’m the one that sets the rules for my siblings when I’m home. No one cares what I do as long as the little ones are kind of taken care of”

Liam and Louis were the first ready and in bed with Zayn throwing themselves on top of them as Geoff came into the room, “Are you really sure you all want to stay in one room?”

“Dad” Liam just whined, “It’s fine”

“Alright, alright, I’ll leave you alone. Did you take your meds, yet?” the man asked, glancing at the bottle on the nightstand and earned another groan. Louis was already reaching for them, though, and handed them over along with an already opened water bottle, “You need to take them every day once?”

Liam nodded, reluctantly taking his meds but not really protesting anymore. Once he was done, his father said goodnight to them all before closing the door. In the meantime, the others had gotten ready as well and joined them in the bed, all cuddling close and trying to sleep.

Liam definitely did feel better with his friends back, he realised the next morning when they were woken up by Paul.

“I should have known I’d find you here” the man laughed at them with Geoff behind him, saying, “I’ve got breakfast ready. If you boys want any before you need to leave, you should get up now”

Niall and Harry didn’t need to be told twice, already running for the food as Louis dragged a still asleep Liam and Zayn behind himself to the kitchen. The boys had to really hurry up and left before Liam had managed to even start to eat. They all hugged him and said goodbye, promising to be back as soon as possible. Suddenly the flat was rather silent and empty as Liam and his father were alone.

“Are you okay?” his father’s question confused him, and the man clarified, “With them getting back to work without you?”

Liam shook his head, he really didn’t feel good about it, as it scared him and hurt, making him feel replaceable and useless. Why did they even need him in the band when they could go on just as easy without him.

While Liam’s father did his best to take his mind of things, entertain him and bond with him, Liam still got upset and after lunch and yet another fight and tears, Geoff suggested, they take a walk, to get out of the flat for now. The boy first vehemently protested, getting upset until he had to admit that he was simply scared to go outside without either Louis, Zayn, or Josh. He hadn’t done so apart from his adventures with his sisters and looking back now, he barely remembered how he did that, wondering why he couldn’t remember much but panic even though it was just a few days ago.

“Then let’s walk downstairs and just get some fresh air and come back up again when it becomes too much. We can work our way towards this” Geoff suggested, “You know that your mother and I have been talking to Natalie as well, right? I want to try and understand you more, so you need to tell me when I go too fast or slow on something”

Liam agreed, even if he was uncertain. It went okay, they walked outside and down the street for a little bit before Liam wanted to go back.

The boys came back utterly exhausted and looking rather grumpy and while Liam felt bad for them, there was this little part inside of him, hoping that this was proof that maybe he was needed, that they did want him there. The guilt for seeing even just the smallest part of a positive in his mates misery made him feel horrible enough during dinner to get in yet another fight with Louis and Zayn this time. His father had stepped out for a moment for some phone calls and left his bandmates to have dinner with him. The two oldest members got him to eat but it was torture and afterwards he just cried, clinging to Louis for comfort.

While the rest of the band left to their own flats that evening, to get some sense of normalcy back, Louis stayed behind, making sure Liam took his meds and staying with him during the night. Geoff came to check on them a few times as well.

The next few days were mostly the same. The band left for work in the morning and returned sometime during the day or evening to have dinner with Liam and hang out with him as he spent the day with his father and Josh. The other boys stopped by every now and then as well, usually during lunch after his PT and therapy sessions which he had every other day.

Geoff insisted on their daily walk and he got further each day. There were two incidents where they once pushed too far, and Liam had been feeling anxious enough to bolt even before starting and one time a pedestrian bumped into him on accident. Both ended with heavy panic attacks that scared both Liam and Geoff. But the calmness of the man was what usually pulled him back, paired with a gentle hug as the man worked on getting him back home without people noticing. After calming down and spending time curled up next to his father, Liam called Josh one time and Louis the other. Both of them had been back half an hour later and spent the day with him, cuddling him and taking his mind of things until he fell asleep.

When it neared the end of the week, Liam and Geoff actually made it to the park a few blocks away and Liam felt good. It had become a routine and while Liam didn’t want to admit it, he liked having a schedule and routines, they helped him focus. Just knowing what was going to happen felt good.

The following week, Geoff surprised him, when he asked, “How do you feel about going to the studio for a little while today? You could try and record a little with the boys after lunch”

Liam sat up from where he had been curled up on the sofa, reading a comic with wide eyes.

“You’ve been doing amazing the last few days and we’ve been pushing you hard, so I talked to Natalie and Paul and we agreed you deserve a little reward. You do need to get used to going to work again as well.”

“Seriously?” Liam looked excited.

“Only today and only a few hours for now, but if you keep this up, we can work on getting you back to half days next week and then go from there” Geoff warned him, and Liam nodded.

The man was surprised with how fast Liam’s lunch was gone after this, he was so excited and looking forward to going to meet his friends in the studio that he either forgot to worry about things or was determined enough by it to work through this faster than usual.

“Paul said he’d be here in ten minutes” Geoff said, looking up from his phone a little while later, suggesting they should go down and wait there to be picked up. Liam shook his head slowly; he didn’t like that idea and made his father wait until Paul came up to the flat to get him. His father came along, to make sure Liam was alright and actually not overworking himself, it was part of the deal with Paul as well.

The boys hadn’t known about this and were all yelling and throwing themselves at Liam when they saw him enter the room. Josh and Dan were also there, working with them on the album and when Liam wasn’t either in the recording booth, working on some vocals, he was curled up in Josh’s lap. Even though he seemed relaxed and resting, he was still throwing out orders and demanding attention, voicing his opinions on the songs and Geoff was surprised at that. He had never really seen Liam work and it was fascinating because Liam knew what he wanted and was not afraid to tell his friends if he didn’t like the sound of something. Adding to that his suggestions usually sounded great, at least Geoff thought so and maybe he was biased, but he still felt amazed.

Instead of coming back home for dinner with Liam, the boys ordered some food and stayed longer than usual. Geoff had to call an end to it, though, since they had come to the studio after lunch for a reason. A few hours to start out were enough and he could see that his son was getting tired now. The boys stayed behind for a little while, wanting to finish up some recording for Niall and Louis while Josh and Dan left with him.

Back home, Liam didn’t even bother to take his shower, as he had planned and fell into bed tiredly. Geoff had to actually wake him back up to remind him to take his medication before helping him climb beneath the covers as well. The next day, Liam took a nap after each meal but insisted on their daily walk just before lunch. After another nap after lunch, he watched some movies with his father and was surprised when the next day, after another therapy session, Geoff asked, “I know you were really sore after PT this morning, but Paul asked if you were up for a few hours of recording.”

Liam actually contemplated this, he was tired and sore, but he couldn’t let that opportunity pass and agreed.

“You are not doing more than four hours today, though, and dinner will be here” Geoff warned him, “And tell me if you are tired”

Liam promised that and was more than happy when he could get in two hours in the studio, actually recording most of his own lines for some songs before he could feel himself start tiring. After having been introduced to a few new exercises this morning his arm was hurting horribly by now and all he wanted to do was sleep. This time Josh wasn’t there though, so he used Zayn as a pillow instead, letting himself be cuddled as Louis went into the recording booth after him. While he enjoyed Zayn holding him, he knew he should tell his father who was around somewhere even if he did not see him at the moment. At the same time, he didn’t want to leave yet.

“What are you thinking about so hard?” Zayn whispered in his ear at one point and Liam sighed. They just could read him so easily now.

“I’m tired” Liam replied, giving in to the more sensible voice in his head.

“Yeah?” Zayn asked softly.

“I’m supposed to tell when I get tired” Liam added, not meeting his friend’s eyes.

“Oh, I see the problem, but it’s okay, if you need to go home and rest a little more. You had PT this morning as well, right?” Zayn asked and Liam nodded, “You want me to find Paul or your dad?”

“Don’t go” Liam just said, and Zayn nodded, calling for Niall and Harry who were working with the sound technician who was recording Louis at the moment. He sent them off to get one of the adults in charge and soon Paul was kneeling in front of the two of them, “Ready to go, Liam?”

The boy nodded and said goodbye to his friends before being led out of the room, “Your dad was on a phone call, he’s meeting us at the car. I’m really proud of you for getting us, though, you know that, right? Keep that up and we can get you back in the studio more often in no time. You might be able to finish that before the press tour starts”

Liam smiled at that, liking the sound of this. His father was already by the car waiting for him. The next day proved to be a little challenge and by the end of it, Liam felt utterly frustrated and destroyed. He had thought he was better, getting better.

He didn’t even know what had set it off, but he had been in the living room and just messed around on his phone when he felt the panic creep up on him. He couldn’t place the moment when his thoughts had gone south but he was suddenly just struggling to breathe and next thing he knows his father his hugging him, holding him and talking in a gentle voice. Another panic attack.

He hated, when he didn’t remember what the reasons were, wondering if he’d keep just randomly panicking. When he tried to talk to his father, who was wondering what had happened as he’d been in the other room, he managed to scare himself even more, the last thing he recalled was being on his phone.

“Liam, you put your phone in your bedroom over an hour ago to charge it” his father replied, sounding concerned and surprised. Liam just frowned and refused to say more afterwards even though he was happy that the man stayed close until Josh showed up a little while later, taking his place. He couldn’t explain to his boyfriend what had happened either and for the first time since getting home from the hospital he actually refused to eat even one bite for dinner. Neither of the boys nor his father managed to get through to him this time and he knew that there was no way he could get into the studio the next day either which just frustrated him more. Liam had to work hard to overcome that set back and was rewarded the following week by being allowed in the studio for a few hours each day. His therapy sessions with Natalie were also cut back to weekly as well while he had PT twice a week.

During that same week, Liam managed to write two more songs as well with the song writers they were working with while the others recorded their lines before doing so himself. He didn’t know how he managed to do this but since he didn’t have to attend any meetings or organise things he somehow managed to catch up with the boys during the next two weeks. Their album was now close to being finished, they still had to pick a few songs since they had recorded more than were supposed to be on the album.

Things were mostly looking up. He had kept out of the media, pointedly ignoring the fact that the other boys were doing interviews every now and then and also made sure to ignore the fact that he had not heard from his mother or sisters since he had been in the hospital as well. His father on the other hand had been there every step of the way so far, somehow managing to get more time off from work and partially working from home. Liam loved spending time with him and Josh when he wasn’t with the band and couldn’t even imagine things differently again. At the end of their last week in the studio, Robert called them for a formal meeting at the record label. The boys had done them before, but it would be the first time Liam would attend. Paul got them from the studio and Liam kind of regretted the fact that he had agreed to a meeting after their last recording session. He still had days where he just felt utterly exhausted after doing almost nothing and if it had been any other day, he’d have tapped out early, which he had to do a few times before already. This was not something he wanted to miss, though, they were going to decide the songs for the album and plan their future. He needed to be there.

“Are you okay?” Harry’s question surprised him.

“I’m really tired” Liam admitted, “But I don’t want to miss this”

Zayn must have listened to this as he interjected, “We can get you home if you want and fill you in later”

“No…” Liam didn’t sound that convincing, but now Louis also joined the conversation, worrying about him.

“You tell us if you start to feel worse than just tired or are hurting again like last time” Louis made him promise and he was also the first to address Robert once they had arrived at the record label.

“Can we do the decisions about the songs first? Liam is tired and might needs to tap out early”

Robert nodded, before checking with Liam to make sure that he was alright and then started the meetings. The album talks took the longest and were actually very interesting to Liam who in the end was really happy with what they decided.

“Now we only have a few things to schedule. The next week will be filled with photo shoots and a few interviews here in London. The following week will be a full press tour in the US and Europe afterwards. We are still waiting on an evaluation from your doctors, Liam, so I do not know yet whether you’ll be able to attend them at all”

“I have been working, though” Liam looked sad as he heard these news, “Almost the full week”

“And that has been really good. You did so much more than we expected, and the album was finished a lot faster since you all put in the work necessary. But a press tour comes with added stress and a whole set of new challenges since you haven’t done an interview yet which we need to consider before deciding this. We want you to keep recovering and not have setbacks because we rushed into this” Robert explained and while Liam looked disappointed he still understood and nodded.

Again, the topic was brought up of Liam leaving early, his exhaustion evident on his face, but Liam wanted to stay, protesting and arguing, “I’ve been telling you each time the last few weeks and that was okay, but I really want to stay today”

In the end it was a long boring meeting where the other boys were happy to get out of most times, but Liam liked to organise things and to be involved in their schedules and he was happy to talk them through with Robert and the rest of their managing team. Harry was involved as well and took over more of the talking when Liam started to slowly retreat a little, reaching his limits for the day now. Just as Robert started to end the meeting, he suddenly stopped himself, cursing before saying, “I forgot something boys, just a few minutes more”

They all sat back down in their seats with groans and even Liam wanted to leave by now.

“I totally forgot about the tour” Robert said, and the mood quickly changed from annoyed to excited, “We are still in the early stages of planning that, but there will be a tour in the near future. Depending on how fast you boys want to move this, we might need to squeeze in some meetings next week as well, or after your press tour of course. We have talked about the basics before, but I wanted to inform you that things are looking good right now”

“Great, can we go now?” Liam asked shortly, but there was a soft smile on his face.

“We’ll figure out details some other time” Robert nodded and soon they were on their way. Liam was asleep the second he leaned on Louis’ shoulder in the car and didn’t wake up again until they arrived. Even then, he only muttered something incoherently, trying to cuddle closer to Louis before just going back to sleep. Paul didn’t let them wake him up, though and carried him as so often up to his flat with the other four trailing behind. Once inside the living room, Geoff looked at them all concerned as he asked, “You guys haven’t eaten dinner yet, right?”

Thirty minutes later the boys woke Liam who seemed to be still utterly exhausted and mostly confused as he was forced to eat dinner and almost face planted onto his plate twice as he fell asleep mid bite. His father just shook his head a little amused, before putting an end to it and getting his son to bed even if he didn’t really eat much of his dinner. The next day started out as amazing as possible for Liam with Josh bringing him breakfast and waking him. The two boys spent the morning in bed, eating and talking before they came out to the living room to watch some movies. After lunch they returned to Liam’s bedroom to read some more comics followed by dinner with all of the boys. It was a sweet and fun day for both of them and Liam couldn’t help the wide smile all day, never leaving his face. The following day the five of them spent the day in Harry’s and Louis’ flat, using their last day off before a week filled with photoshoots, appointments, and interviews to do absolutely nothing.

After their last disastrous photo shoot, they all were a little nervous leading up to it. It was the first thing they did Monday morning. Liam had a hard time, actually throwing up his breakfast after trying to eat and concerning his father who was already calling Paul, not wanting Liam to go at all. Somehow, against all odds, Paul convinced him, though, promising to step in if he wasn’t better by lunch time and bringing him back home if that happened and while Liam was grateful, he also was confused.

Louis didn’t need to take a second glance to see he was not okay and pulled him in a hug when they met up at the car that morning, “Today won’t be like last time, love”

And the oldest band member was right, they actually had fun doing this. The team around them consisted of their new management team without Robert who only stopped by later and with Lou and their usual styling team they immediately felt safer and more at home than before. Niall and Liam were both on the floor, laughing loudly as Harry and Louis were changing clothes and Zayn looked a little lost when their manager entered, immediately smiling before calling them all over.

“I talked to Ben this morning about the singles we chose yesterday, and he already came up with the concept. The first is pretty simple and we’d like to shoot it this week if possible. The second video after your press tour. With that we can push the release forward and focus on the tour, to get you back out there”

The boys high fived and yelled at each other excitedly, that was something they were doing a lot lately. They were looking forward to their next tour so much since they wanted to be actually enjoying this one. The last tour had ended horribly, and they desperately wanted new memories and experiences to counter these.

The next day was an interview-day and Liam was dreading it. While the morning was filled with media training, which differed greatly from what they had learned so far and actually offered helpful information instead, they had almost two hours for lunch and met up with the other boys of the band to eat in a restaurant before the interviews. Situations like these were still so incredibly hard, he couldn’t relax and always expected either Michael or Jason to walk in and hurt him again. Zayn actually was the one that managed to take his mind of things and keep him calm enough to actually eat the salad he had ordered.

When they were in the car on their way to the interview, Josh texted him, asking whether everything was alright between them and Liam realised he had been rather distant and quiet that day. He explained that eating in public just made him uncomfortable.

The first interview had Liam in a nervous wreck just before it started, and Louis actually pulled him aside to talk him down a little. Robert and Paul both were in the room as well and their manager assured them again, that no questions would be asked that they didn’t want.

That didn’t take the fact away that the attention was on Liam since it was his first interview since the incident. He answered questions about how he was feeling and assured that he was okay before being asked on how he had spent his time in the last few weeks and then the conversation swiftly moved on to their album. Liam was almost dumbfounded when he realised that this was everything, and no more questions about his personal life were asked. While he felt a little less tense, he couldn’t relax enough to actually enjoy the interviews like he used to. But maybe it was a step towards not fearing them anymore.

During the last interview that day, one journalist tried to sneak in a question about what had happened, but Robert immediately shot it down without a fuss, just simply stating that they had to move on to the next question or the interview would be over. And funnily enough, when it was someone from their management team, the journalist relented and did as told. Each time the boys had tried that on their own they hadn’t been taken seriously.

The boys were taken back to their flats after that and Geoff was once again waiting with dinner for them, looking concerned at his son who seemed tired once again. He worried that Liam was working too much and rushing too fast with how tired he looked the last two days again. The next morning the boys went off alone again, leaving Liam to do his PT and therapy session of the week before he was supposed to join them for another interview. Liam didn’t do that and instead took a nap as Geoff called Paul to let him know that Liam was sitting today out.

Another day came and the boys started to shoot their music video followed by another day of PT for Liam, who didn’t go back to set as planned afterwards again. Physical therapy took too much out of him, lately as he started to slowly gain some strength back but as he was really pushing the limits, it exhausted him, and he just couldn’t do much afterwards without being in pain. After the video shoot, where he was running around and trying to act with his bandmates all day, he had already been sore enough to take his pain medication unprompted and once his father questioned him, he just gave in, opting for an afternoon in bed rather than on set.

To his surprise, his bedroom door opened a little while later, revealing Niall who looked absolutely devastated, red face with tears shining in his eyes. It took him a second to sit up and actually look at the younger boy before asking, “What’s wrong?”

Geoff was behind Niall, Liam now noticed, a comforting hand on his shoulder and pushed him forward into the room, “Niall fell asleep on set and had a nightmare if I’m not mistaken? Louis said you know more? Paul dropped him off here but had to go back”

Liam nodded, looking concerned as he motioned for Niall to come over and asked, “Again?”

Niall just nodded, crawling into bed next to Liam and settling against the older boy’s side, his head almost resting on Liam’s stomach who put his left arm around Niall. Geoff backed out of the room again and left the two boys to it, but not before making Liam promise to call if either needed something.

Niall cried into Liam’s shirt for a while after that, and Liam let him, trying to comfort him as much as possible with touches and words until the younger one calmed down again.

“Are you feeling better now?” Liam asked gently and Niall nodded.

“What happened?” Liam followed up and received a shrug, “The same as always just… on set…. Made it worse… I just wanted to take a nap after lunch”

“I’m sorry that happened, it’s happening more often, lately, right?” Liam wanted to know and received a timid nod. After a few minutes of silence, Liam also asked, “Can we help somehow?”

Niall shook his head, “Not really”

“What did you do when you were younger, and it got really bad?”

“Therapy” Niall admitted, but quickly said, “But I’m not doing it now!”

“Why not?” Liam asked, sounding almost offended and upset, “I have to”

“That is different, you are only starting, and I already went through that whole process. I am failing, you are only learning” Niall shook his head.

“That sounds like something I would say, and I’ve been told that it’s stupid” Liam commented dryly, then added in a more gentle tone, “If it helps you should still consider it, especially since we are about to do that press tour, that’s going to be stressful”

“Can’t be as horrible as last tour” Niall shook his head again, “But if it makes you happy, I’ll think about it”

“Yeah, that would make me happy. I don’t like seeing you upset, Niall. You are the happy one” Liam smiled a little at him.

“Why didn’t you come today? Were you really just tired?” Niall asked curiously, looking up at Liam who immediately grimaced.

“So bloody tired and sore. Everything hurts even though I took pain meds” Liam told him, “The video yesterday was too much with PT on top today”

Niall nodded in sympathy.

“I was just trying to take a nap when you showed up” Liam said as well, “Is it okay if I try that again or do you want to do something?”

Niall shook his head, “No, I’m better now… you can sleep”

Liam nodded and moved around a little, trying to get comfortable as Niall even moved away from him for a moment to let him get settled, before fitting himself against Liam’s side now in his new position without trouble. The two boys were quickly asleep after that as well, even if Niall hadn’t planned to actually nap as well.

Another day brought another meeting with Robert who stopped by Liam’s flat with most of the boys already there.

“If I am correct, you and Natalie already talked about this?” the man asked Liam for confirmation before continuing, “Liam will join you boys on the press tour with a few limitations. Katie will come along to keep working on his shoulder with him while he will have therapy via video call. The workload will be different as well, similar to the last few weeks for him as well. While the video shoot didn’t go as planned, it was still enough footage to put it together and you will release it during your time in the US as well”

Liam smiled and nodded, knowing this already since it had been the thing, he and Natalie had discussed the most during their last session. He really wanted to join the boys, but she had been wary. The boys had a few more questions about this but Liam didn’t really care. He was allowed to come along and that was enough for now.

“We have the tour schedule ready now as well. You boys need to approve the dates and can veto anything if you’d like but then we can start on working out the set list and stage if you want to. Everything else will be taken care of and the final meetings will happen after the press tour with a few practice sessions for you already.”

The rest of the day was spent in various meetings via phone or Skype with the people in charge of different parts of the tour. The boys gave their input, their ideas and suggestions and were promised to be met with a few concepts. The last thing they did was call Dan who came over to work out the set list with them since he also was their musical director. Liam had a few songs that he definitely wanted to play and after stating that he let the boys fight over the rest as he zoned out, taking a step back in his mind and assessing his thoughts.

Before he knew it, he was packing his bag, well, his father was doing the actual packing and preparing to leave for the press tour. They were flying to New York just a few hours later and Liam was starting to feel the anxiety creeping up on him again, enough to actually ask his father to come with him. He was scared alone with only the boys, without their routine and without his father telling him when and what to eat. These were the things that had helped him the most after his hospital visit and they would be gone during the next two weeks. He still had his bandmates to keep him safe and help him through the panic, but he had been comfortable with how things had been.

“Liam, hey, take a deep breath, exactly, one more and listen to me” his father sat him down on the edge of the bed, settling down next to him.

“Are you asking me all that because you are nervous and scared or because you really feel like you are not ready to be on your own for a while?” the man asked, “I want you to think about this. Because I think you are starting to panic and letting the anxiety take over again. You have been doing amazing these last two weeks and I am so proud of you, Liam, really proud.”

Liam thought about this for a few moments and he knew that his father was right, he was scared. But being scared usually ended with him doing stupid things out of panic.

About an hour later, Liam was sitting between Harry and Niall in the car on the way to the airport. He’s been texting Josh ever since he had left after coming over this morning for a few minutes to say goodbye. It was weird to Liam, somehow, that he was already missing Josh even though they hadn’t even left the city yet. Zayn was asleep on Louis’ shoulder after having once again been the last to get up and start packing. They were not late, yet, but Paul would have liked more time for them at the airport apparently and had told Zayn so who didn’t seem to be bothered at all. It was quite the drive to the airport and while the others all kept themselves busy with their phones or a nap, Liam tried to keep texting Josh and not panic, but when they arrived at the airport, he was properly freaked out.

“Oh man… there’s a lot of people…” Niall didn’t seem that happy about the crowd at the airport either. It wasn’t the fans that were the problem but adding them to the usual already very busy airport during this time and throwing some paparazzi into the mix as well usually meant chaos and a lot of pushing and screaming. Somehow Liam found himself trying to comfort Niall, telling him, “It will be okay, Paul will get you through without anyone coming close. He usually does”

Niall nodded, grabbing Liam’s arm as they got out of the car and kept holding on to him as Paul and Paddy led them through the crowd. The noise was almost overwhelming, but their security did a great job at keeping people away from them and leading them through the airport, out of the sight of fans and cameras. They got through security and everything before being led to the waiting area, where Liam finally felt like he could breathe again. There had been people everywhere and if Paul hadn’t been by his side and his bandmates hadn’t been around him, he would have had another panic attack. It just was too much and overwhelming. Andy and Paddy were the only security guards with them at the moment and it made Liam nervous as Paul had gone to take care of some things, probably sorting out a way to let them board early and figuring out ways to get out of the airport smoothly once they’d land.

“You’ve been staring at the doors for the last five minutes, Li, are you alright?” Harry sat next to him, mentioning this casually and Liam frowned. It had been five minutes already? They had just sat down, right?

“I’m…” the boy contemplated claiming he was fine, but if he learned one thing during the last few weeks, it was that it didn’t help him, “I’m… anxious? I don’t know how to… I just… it’s freaking me out”

“You don’t need to explain” Harry told him gently, “Tell us what we can do”

“Where’s Paul?” he just asked, looking back towards the entrances, and letting his eyes trace over the people in the wide and open room. He was just glad they had the perks of flying first class and could wait in a separate area with not that many other people, where he could keep track on them and watch their moves.

“I don’t know, he’ll be back for boarding probably” Harry just replied, “Do you not feel safe right now?”

Liam just shook his head.

“I’m sorry” Harry offered and gently wrapped his arms around Liam in a gentle hug before releasing him again, “We are here if you need to talk, you know that, right?”

“I need a room with less entrances and less people” Liam almost laughed at that, feeling just slightly hysterical. Harry frowned and turned around, calling out, “Lou, Z!”

The two older boys were a few seats away from them, Zayn resting on Louis’ shoulder still and Louis buried in his phone. Both looked up and Harry motioned for them to come over. Liam watched them both look at each other worriedly before coming over. Zayn fell into the seat next to Liam opposite Harry as Louis flopped down on the floor, looking up at them, “What’s up, Haz? Are you okay, Li?”

“Liam is getting a little anxious with Paul gone and so many people and stuff” Harry offered, his expression telling them it was more than what he was saying. Liam saw that but didn’t mind, it was the truth and the younger one could have said so.

“I already tried a hug, but I think you two are better at that” Harry said, looking uncertain which made Liam frown, “That’s not true”

“Well, there is no need for you to be scared, love, we are all here and nothing bad is going to happen to you. Paddy and Andy can protect us just as much as Paul and no one is leaving you alone” Louis told him, “And Zayn and Harry can keep hugging you, too, if that helps”

Liam nodded at the last bit and found himself immediately engulfed in his bandmates arms. They both were leaning against him and kept their arms around him in a tight huddle. Louis smiled at him, “See, it’s not so bad anymore, right? We’ll just sit around here for a little while longer bored and then we can take a nap on the plane. You’re still sitting with me, right?”

“Yeah” Liam nodded, just focussing on his friends words for now.

“I think it will be a lot better this time around, we got a lot more free time and we might get to actually see the city” Harry said, “And it is so much less stress when we know what they are going to ask”

Liam nodded again.

“You think we can do that even with fans following us?” Zayn asked doubtingly.

“Paul will come up with a plan. We might need to do it at night, but we can probably sneak out at least twice” Louis replied with a grin, “I’m looking forward to that”

Liam smiled at him, knowing that these were actions right up the other lad’s lane. Louis smirked at him knowingly and then opened up a conversation about what exactly he wanted to do. At one point Harry tried to pull back but Liam quickly grabbed his arm, looking alarmed and pulled him back. Harry sent him a gently smile before resuming his previous position, cuddling Liam.

“Why was I not invited?” Niall interrupted them with a pout a moment later, he had been fast asleep a few chairs down and not heard any of the previous conversations. Louis laughed and pulled him on his lap on the floor, “Come here you big baby”

Niall didn’t mind the insult; he just wrapped his arms around Louis’ neck and rested his head on the older boy’s chest before going back to sleep.

Paul entered the room half an hour later, calling for them from the doorway. Liam looked relieved at seeing the other man and all of the boys got off their seats.

“I couldn’t get you boys in early, but they are going to finish boarding and call you last in a few minutes. That way you won’t have to walk past all the other passengers and they probably won’t even see you. If we are lucky, the fans won’t know where we are going either” Paul informed them, “Everything alright so far?”

They all confirmed that everything was fine even when Louis grabbed Liam’s hand and Zayn had his arms around the two youngest band members as well before following the man to the gate once it was time. Boarding and finding their seats was easy and Liam was glad when he got the window seat with Louis next to him and Harry and Niall in the same row on the other side of the hallway. Zayn was just behind them. Paul checked on them a few times until they took off and when they finally were allowed to take off their seatbelts, Louis pulled Liam into his own seat, “I’m tired, let’s nap”

Liam just let him and cuddled up with Louis, trying to catch some sleep. It was a long flight and Liam was actually asleep through most of it. When he woke back up, Harry was in his seat, whispering to Louis and Zayn and Niall were laughing loudly behind them in the row. Louis and Harry didn’t mind Liam just joining their conversation, although he was a little confused at first. Their little formation was broken up when they were served some food sometime during the flight and Liam actually couldn’t bring himself to eat. Neither of the boys wanted to start anything during a flight with several strangers around them and tried to subtlety nudge him towards it. While Liam didn’t know which of the boys snitched on him, he found himself being scolded by Paul gently later.

“I know eating in public is still a thing you are working on, but I need you to try, especially if you boys want to go on tour soon” Paul told him lastly before letting it go. Liam felt like crying and it must have shown on his face as Niall abandoned his own food and came over to hug him tightly and talk to him.

After landing they were led off the plane first and through endless hallways where Liam kept close to Paul, fighting the urge to actually hold on to the man. Louis was in turn keeping close to Liam and it helped to know that he was there, but the second they walked through the door where they already could hear the fans screaming and pushing it all didn’t really matter. All of them had sort of forgotten how much worse the fans and journalists were here and it was chaotic. Their security team again provided them with protection, but it was much harder and closer than last time. Even when they were inside the car there were people pressed against the window and the noise was overwhelming. Niall looked scared and Liam wondered why Niall always tended to gravitate towards him during these times when Liam was freaked out himself. He didn’t mind, as it gave him something to do but he actually wondered how it could help Niall stay calm when he was the one comforting him as he was just as scared.

The drive to the hotel again felt like forever and they all were glad when they finally made it there.

“Robert didn’t get you five separate rooms this time, but a suite with a few rooms since we all know you’d just be running around the floor, trying to get to each other” Paul informed them, as he led them through the large hotel, “That also means you all have the same room key and that we want to be informed when you leave the suite, especially if you leave this floor”

“Even if we are just getting snacks?” Niall asked with wide eyes, “Because I’ll be calling a lot then”

“I’ll get back to you on that, just call room service” Paul frowned at him.

“But room service doesn’t have the same snacks as the vending machines” Niall told him with a frown as if it was obvious.

“Right, literal children…” Paul sighed as they reached their floor and stepped out of the elevator. Their luggage was already in the room. It seemed like a large living room and there were doors leading to bathrooms and bedrooms as well which were all open.

“You’ll figure out everything on your own, right? I’ll have room service bring you something up to eat and let me know your dinner plans. Other than that, you are free today and will start tomorrow with interviews and one tv show, I think” Paul explained, then told Liam, “You didn’t have lunch yet and the boys will let me know if you ate”

“Why does that feel like a threat?” Liam muttered, glaring at Paul who just shrugged, “It kind of is, actually. I have clear instructions to keep you in the hotel room if you struggle”

“That’s not fair” Liam protested but the man didn’t budge, instead just said, “Katie will be here tomorrow morning after breakfast before you leave”

After that, the man left them alone for a while, until room service showed up with a late lunch and the boys all ate something. After that they got settled in their rooms and just relaxed until it was time for dinner. Liam spent his time on the phone with Josh, while Louis was talking to his mother as well and Niall was playing his guitar. Harry and Zayn were each in their bedroom, opting to be alone. The others were in the living room and didn’t mind the others’ company. For dinner they ordered room service again, mostly for Liam’s comfort. After dinner the boys started to get bored and wanted to go outside for a while. Liam tried to stay back in the hotel, claiming he was tired and wanted to sleep. That argument didn’t go over well, especially as he had been the one to whine about being bored just minutes ago.

“We’ll have security with us and there probably won’t be any fans, since it’s nighttime” Zayn told him and Liam just shook his head.

“It’s New York, Zayn, there are always people everywhere. This isn’t London where the streets feel empty at night and it isn’t even night, yet” Liam told him, “We’ve been here before, if you remember”

“Come on, we want you to have fun as well” Louis told him, “And if it gets to be too much, I promise I will come back with you”

“No, that will just ruin your night”

“It won’t, I love hanging out with you”

“Yeah, and you can do that any night. You can’t see the bloody Times Square any night”

“Liam, pleaseeee” Harry asked, looking pleadingly.

The argument went on like this for a while but in the end the four boys won, well, they just dragged Liam along despite his protests. Andy and Paul were accompanying them on their little sightseeing tour. It mostly consisted of running around the streets and walking to Times Square where they all took pictures and goofed around. Well, four of them goofed around and ran through all the people, giving their security guards a hard time to keep up with them. Liam on the other hand had no intention on messing with them and just stayed close to Paul. It was nice to actually see some things even if it was already dark and watching his friends have fun wasn’t so bad either, Liam decided, but he was definitely glad once he was back inside the hotel. The others were still riled up and energetic, but Liam just went to bed, not caring about the worried glances he was receiving, he just wanted to sleep.

As lucky as the boys were with their little adventure during the evening, the worse the next day was. They got swarmed with fans and paparazzi the second they left the hotel and were followed all day. After their first interview at a radio station, the crowd was big enough for the police to show up and they ended up trapped until they deemed it safe for them and the fans to leave the building. With all the craziness surrounding them, Liam was ready for a nap around lunch time. They were in yet another building with countless rooms and hallways where they had a few interviews in a row. Their team had ordered them food and they sat with them to eat. Liam had a plate in front of him and ate a little bit, before curling up where he sat and promptly falling asleep with neither of the other people in the room noticing for a while. He had been awake before all of the other boys and done his physical therapy which already had left him a little sore.

“Liam” Paul woke him up a little while later and Liam was utterly confused when he was alone in the room. His back and right arm hurt as he straightened up once he was fully awake, “Where’s everyone?”

“I sent them ahead since they didn’t want to wake you” Paul explained, “You can join them after this interview for the show you are doing tonight”

“Oh” Liam just said, rubbing at his eyes with another yawn.

“You can go back to sleep after you eat lunch” Paul told him, “You can stay here, and someone will be just outside this door”

Liam sighed but did pick up the lunch he had abandoned before again. Paul sat with him until he was finished and then went to leave to check on the others.

“Wait, who is outside?”

“Andy” Paul told him with a frown, “Is that alright?”

“Yeah…” Liam sounded unsure at first but then smiled and nodded after thinking about it for a while. He moved to one of the more comfortable looking chairs in the room and curled up again after Paul left. It didn’t take long for him to fall back into another nap. Andy woke him a little while later and led him to meet up with the other boys again who were already on their way to the car with Paul, Paddy and Robert.

“You pass out every time we have something scheduled right after your PT sessions” Zayn observed as Liam joined them. Liam just nodded. It was true and he hated it. His body just needed the rest afterwards since he practically didn’t have any stamina anymore. The second Katie allowed him to, he wanted to start running again, he just didn’t know how yet.

By the end of their stay in New York, the boys were tired of all the same questions and games they were asked in interviews. While they enjoyed performing their new single and the release of the music video, the rest of the press tour was rather tiring. Los Angeles held more of the same, though it was a lot more radio and tv shows than in New York which meant live interviews and performances that sometimes couldn’t be edited or stopped by Robert’s request. Since the boys had quite some training with rude questions in the past, they handled it rather well.

Liam was doing rather well with his injuries and physical therapy, not needing to wear his sling all the time anymore. The anxiety and panic on the other hand were still more than present and had hindered him from attending interviews and such as well a few times already. He even had to opt out on a live performance in New York because his anxiety had gotten the better of him. Paul had forced him to stay back rather than him deciding so himself as well and Liam had promised himself that it wouldn’t happen again. Daily calls with both Josh and his father were now normal to him and he used to go weeks without talking to his family on the last tour which now felt ridiculous, especially when he saw how much his band mates were talking to their friends and family as well, Louis especially.

He still hadn’t heard a word from his mother, while his sisters had both checked in with him by now, promising to do so more in the future. They still managed to evade any questions considering their mother and Liam wasn’t sure whether he was supposed to be upset about it, because apart from a little anger, he felt nothing.

Funnily enough, him and Niall have been sticking together for most of the last few days as well, talking a lot and taking naps together. Liam had been so busy clinging to mostly Louis and Zayn lately that he hadn’t even realised how much he missed Niall’s and Harry’s friendship in the process. So, when he managed to keep his anxiety at bay and didn’t need to be comforted, he made a point out of trying to spend as much time with the two youngest band members.

Slowly but steadily Liam also tried to get more involved with their management team, taking the work load off his bandmates. He liked these things, liked to organise and schedule and be in charge of things. It helped him incredibly to always know what was going on while the others didn’t really care and rather not know much about these things. Louis and Zayn were more than fine to just get told about things five minutes in advance, preferred it really while Liam like to know as soon as possible.

On their second day in LA Louis wanted to go surfing, desperately whining about it at breakfast and Liam, as he heard him voice that, immediately joined, wanting to go as well.

“Are you being serious right now?” Zayn angrily glared at Liam, scaring him with his expression and tone.

“W-what?” Liam asked in a soft, barely audible voice with wide terrified eyes. He didn’t know what he had done wrong.

“Katie almost hit you when you asked to go running last week, she is not going to let you surf” Louis told him with a grin, which quickly turned into a laugh as he saw Liam’s confused expression.

“You are just going to hurt yourself” Zayn told him with a shake of his head, “Even if she lets you, I’m not going to”

“You are not in charge” Liam told him with a glare himself this time, “If Louis is going, then I want to, too”

“Stubborn idiot” Niall supplied with a smirk. Liam just sighed at him but didn’t seem mad at Niall at least as he texted Katie, stating that he was doing so. The boys joked around for a little while longer as they ate their breakfast until Paul came to get them.

Louis once again tried to find a time slot where he could sneak away and catch some waves, discussing with Paul who said he’d try and find some time for that. When Liam tried to join the conversation, slowly letting the man know that he wanted to come along as well, the man just laughed at him, then dryly stated, “No, not happening. You can do something else with the other boys, something with no risk of injury”

Liam let himself drop back a few steps, head hanging low in disappointment and Harry walked over to him, arm around his shoulder, “Don’t worry, not long and you’ll be able to do any sport you’d like again. Just give yourself a little more time”

The other boy nodded, a sad sigh following as he leaned towards Harry’s touch.

Their next interview was at yet another radio station. They had been there before and liked the two hosts, two young guys in their twenties that always made them laugh and play weird games. Louis and Niall were already laughing loudly barely five minutes into the interview, unable to contain their jokes while Harry and Zayn were just giggling every now and then. Liam on the other hand was rather quiet, seemingly sounding upset whenever he answered a question. Even when asked about things he was beaming about in other interviews, Liam just answered them shortly.

Near the end of the interview, they were asked, what they were going to do in their free time in the city and whether they got around to do some sightseeing as well.

“If we are lucky, we’ll get some time off and I can go surfing” Louis immediately told them with a wide grin, already looking forward to it, “We just need to fit it in our schedule”

“Only you? The others are not into that or are they just bad at it?” one of the hosts asked with a grin.

“Oh, no, I’m horrible” Louis laughed, “But no, it’s just me and Liam usually. The others have no desire to be eaten by sharks, right Niall?”

“Hey, that’s a very rational fear” Niall told him, “At least I can swim!”

“Hey, that’s not fair!” Zayn now called out.

Louis laughed before adding, “But yeah, for now it will only be me”

Liam only stared ahead, looking rather angry and when it was mentioned, he simply frowned, “Well, honestly, yes”

“Why?”

“Don’t you think I’ve been running around with that sling long enough? Wouldn’t you want to just be able do what you want?” he asked the man with a frown. He didn’t care that he was live on air. He was actually pissed off and angry and hated that Paul just told him no like that. Liam was more than capable to decide for himself.

“I’d be annoyed as well, if there was an opportunity and I couldn’t go” Louis interjected, eyeing Liam carefully, then said, “It’s just rare we get enough time off to do stuff like that, you know?”

The topic of the conversation then changed but it was still obvious Liam was actually upset, as he didn’t even try to participate at all. After the interview, Paul pulled him aside, “Liam, what is going on?”

“Nothing” Liam just shrugged at him, “Don’t we have somewhere to be?”

“You need to check your attitude during interviews. I know it pisses you off, when you can’t do something but there is just no way this is happening yet”

“I don’t care” Liam just said, before walking away, towards the other boys were waiting for him. Robert was there during the rest of the day as well, and also took his time to talk to Liam about how he reacted that morning which only upset him more. By the end of the rather short day, Liam slammed the door to his hotel room and threw himself on the bed, already dialling Josh’s number.

“Hey sunshine” Josh sounded as if he had just woken up, his voice tired and raspy. Liam immediately felt guilty, “Were you already asleep?”

“Kind of” Josh chuckled, “But don’t worry, I always want to talk to you”

“Well…” Liam sighed, his anger slowly bleeding out, “I actually was just calling to yell about everyone and everything”

“Why? You never get angry” Josh sounded surprised.

“Yeah, and apparently when I just dare to be frustrated about something, I need to check my attitude. No one cares when Zayn is angry and doesn’t answer any questions for two days, but the second I don’t want to, it’s a problem. I hate this” Liam vented.

“What is even going on?” Josh asked, still not sure what the problem was apart from Liam being angry.

“Louis is going surfing right now and I’m not allowed to!” Liam told him angrily, “Paul wouldn’t let me, and Zayn was just as horrible! They act like I need their permission for everything!”

“Woah… alright, okay, but what in the world possessed you to want to go surfing?” Josh asked and Liam groaned, “Josh!”

“What?” the older boy asked, “I don’t want you to get hurt and they probably think the same, so I don’t see the problem actually”

“I hate you” Liam whined, “You were supposed to tell me that I’m right and that they are stupid!”

“I won’t do that, Li, you know that” Josh said with a soft chuckle, “You are just upset, and I get that”

“No, you don’t” Liam replied, sounding tired.

“I’m sorry” Josh said, “I do get that it hurts you, even if I can’t one hundred percent know what you are feeling”

“I hate this, I hate that I get so frustrated and upset and I know it worried the others and Paul was upset with me because I was being horrible and stupid and all I do is cause problems” Liam replied, sounding more and more upset with each word.

“Liam, sunshine, you are spiralling again” Josh said softly, “I love you, but you need to stop doing that. Yes, one thing happened that is unfair and hurts but that doesn’t mean everything hurts or everyone will start hating you”

“Yes, it does” Liam said in a small voice but there wasn’t as much heat behind it anymore.

“Love, you are just saying that now to be right” Josh scolded him, and Liam couldn’t help but chuckle and whisper, “Yeah”

“You are too damn stubborn for your own good” Josh told him again, “But seriously, you can’t let these little things get to you. Yes, it sucks that you still can’t do what you want but is it really worth to risk getting hurt again and having to start all over?”

“It’s not, but why is it such a bad thing I get upset? Why can’t I be allowed to be mad, too? Maybe I just sometimes want to be upset about random things, why am I not allowed to?”

“Who said that, Li? You are allowed to, especially you. We wanted you to get mad about what happened to you not too long ago if you remember” Josh asked.

“Paul got upset cause I was being quiet in the interview” Liam said, “And the boys were all weird, too, they don’t like me when I get frustrated, they only like me when I act all happy”

“You act?” Josh asked in a low voice and Liam was quick to assure him, “No, no, not with you, not at home…. Just here… in interviews and stuff”

“Well, in that case, ignore the boys, they are still getting used to who you really are. Not that it needs getting used to, we love you, but it is a change since you used to never voice your opinions and were scared all the time. And for Paul, just tell him what you told me. I don’t think he meant for you to not get angry, just to be careful of what you say in interviews, because that can go south real quick. We learned that already” Josh explained softly.

“I hate it when you are all sensible and mature about stuff” Liam sighed defeated.

“It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, I’m usually right” Josh said proudly, and Liam laughed.

“Now that we cleared that up, tell me what else you did today” Josh demanded, “I literally did nothing but play FIFA all day because Jon apparently got his heart broken and never wants to leave his flat again”

“What? What happened?” Liam asked alarmed and worried, “Is he okay?”

“Yeah, they made up about half an hour ago and everything is fine again, but it was all very dramatic and stuff, but I have no idea what actually went down to be honest” Josh laughed. Liam smiled at that and began telling his boyfriend what they had been up to even though it hadn’t been much apart from the drama he had already covered.

In the end, Louis came back disappointedly way earlier than expected, stating, “Next time I want to do something, I shouldn’t announce it on radio. Fans everywhere and Paul didn’t let me go out at all”

“That sucks” Liam said in sympathy and Louis frowned at him, “Are you making fun of me?”

“What? No!” Liam replied with wide eyes, “Why would I? About what?”

“Oh” Louis sighed, “I thought you were still mad because I went without you”

“I never was mad at you, Lou, you know that” Liam shook his head, “And even if I was, I wouldn’t make fun of you missing out on this as well. It’s stupid we can’t do that”

“Yeah” was all Louis said before going to get changed, and announcing when he came back, “But we have the afternoon and evening off, still, so what are we going to do with all that time?”

“Sleep” Zayn called out form the bedroom he was staying in; the door was open. Niall was sitting on the sofa and nodded, “I’m tired”

“Where is Harry?” Louis then asked, “Maybe he isn’t as boring as these two. Liam you are in, right?”

“In for what?” Liam asked worriedly and Louis just smirked at him as he went to find Harry.

Liam still doesn’t know how he got roped into this. This was madness and it was dangerous and stupid, and they would be in so much trouble later. Louis, Harry and him snuck out of the hotel to go shopping, alone, in downtown LA. They already had been stopped a few times by fans for autographs and pictures, but no crowd had formed yet and Liam wondered what stars must have been aligned for them to get this lucky. Harry spent a ton of money while Louis mostly just looked around and both of them didn’t mind going to a comic shop with him as well. Louis got hungry, so they grabbed a quick snack at last before going back to the hotel and miraculously getting back into the hotel without any problems.

“Zayn, I went to the shop you talked about” Liam walked into the other boy’s room. Zayn was lounging on his bed and looked up from his phone with a raised eyebrow, “You what? Where did you guys even go?”

“Harry wanted to do some shopping, so we went” Liam shrugged, climbing into the bed next to Zayn and laying against his side, “What are you doing?”

“I was texting my sister. Was Paul with you?” Zayn asked, sounding suspicious.

“No, we snuck out” Liam smiled as he said that, frowning when Zayn looked upset at that, “Nothing happened, and I wasn’t even scared even though I only had Louis”

“Louis is bloody stupid” Zayn sighed, “He shouldn’t make you do this, it’s dangerous”

“But it was fun…” Liam told him softly, “I’m sorry… I knew it was wrong, but Louis and Harry were excited”

“Next time let them go alone and get me. I will go with you and Paul then; I don’t want you outside getting hurt or mobbed by fans. Sometimes I feel the fans think you and Niall are easy targets because you are the most uncomfortable in the crowds which is messed up” Zayn explained.

“Okay” Liam didn’t need much to be convinced, “I just wanted to do something fun”

“And you did have fun, which is good” Zayn smiled at him, “Do you know if there are any plans for dinner, yet?”

Liam shrugged, and Zayn explained, “I’m hungry, let’s see what the others want to do”

The boys ended up ordering room service and watching a movie for the rest of the night. Liam must have fallen asleep sometime during the film since he woke up in his bed with no memory of getting there the next morning when his alarm woke him for another physical therapy session. While he was still working with Katie, the other boys one after the other slowly got up and started breakfast without him. Once he was done with his exercises, he didn’t bother putting the sling back on and joined them. It felt freeing to be able to use his right arm again for little things, like eating. Grabbing his teacup was something he still felt and left an uncomfortable twinge in his arm but he was able to do it and that was all that mattered. Katie who had packed up in the meantime stopped by the table before leaving, “And remember to take something if you are in pain and to keep using the sling. I know you can go a while without, but I don’t want you pushing this, especially now”

“I know” Liam sighed, just barely refraining from rolling his eyes.

That day was reserved to shoot a commercial and some short clips for different reasons Liam couldn’t be bothered to actually remember. After doing the short films, they got changed for the commercial and the producer actually asked Liam, whether he was comfortable to hide his sling for this shot.

Louis was already glaring at the man and trying to shut the question down before Liam could even reply.

“Lou, wait, I actually can now” he told the older boy with a surprised look himself, “Katie said it’s okay, as long as I don’t do any strenuous activities”

Louis smiled at that, “Right, I totally forgot after what happened last time”

“Me too, for a second” Liam nodded, “But thanks for trying whatever you were trying to do”

Louis laughed at that and the two of them went back to work. During lunch Liam could feel the ache in his arm worsen and he wore his sling until he had to be on camera again. Another hour into work, Liam snuck of in a quick break where they adjusted the set to grab some pain meds.

“You can tap out if you need to, you know that, right?” Harry startled him as he appeared by his side just as he was drinking some water.

“I know… but not yet” Liam nodded with a sigh, “Can’t wait for when I can just leave the damn sling off for good without hurting”

Harry nodded in sympathy and soon they were back to work. Another hour later, Liam shook his head after another messed up take and stepped off the set for a moment, “Louis?”

Louis looked up and followed him, “Yeah?”

“I think… I think I need to put my sling back on… do you think that will be a problem?” Liam asked, sounding unsure as he glanced at the production team.

“It won’t be a problem” Louis promised, then called out for Niall, telling him to help Liam with his sling before stalking off towards the producer.

And Louis was right. They changed the set up a little and rearranged the script for them a little, soon finishing up the shoot. They had a little bit of free time which they spent backstage at the show they were about to film for some late night show again. It was not a pre-recorded show which was rather rare these days and always left Liam a little nervous, knowing that things couldn’t be redone or edited out afterwards. Still, he didn’t give it much thought as they got ready for it since he was too tired to actually care. Today had been a rather physically exhausting day and Liam definitely felt it, almost as much as when they were doing the video shoot back in London. He was not looking forward to their next music video shoot that was scheduled as soon as they were back home since he’d much rather try and work on getting ready for tour which would be even more demanding. He had barely made it through the last tour with his injury and was scared he wasn’t going to be ready for the next.

“Is your arm still bothering you?” Niall asked, flopping down in a chair not far from where Liam was sitting, lost in thoughts.

“Yeah” Liam said after recovering from the little startle Niall had given him, “It’s just annoying, my collarbone feels much better, but my arm is really hurting now because I haven’t used it in so long”

Niall nodded slowly, “It’s still weak, but knowing you it won’t be for long”

Liam nodded determined, “I hope so because I’m getting tired of the pain and of being patient”

“We can tell” Niall chuckled, “You’ve been a little grumpy lately”

“I’m sorry” Liam said honestly, “I know I’ve been difficult”

“No, no, not at all. It’s really cute, like a puppy that tries to act angry” Niall smirked at him, “Don’t worry, you are not hurting anyone with that”

Liam sighed, “But I don’t like feeling that way”

“Because you think you are not allowed to, but you are, you are just human, Li, and we all get angry sometimes” Niall told him just as they were called up to the stage. Liam thought about what Niall had said and before he knew it, he was squished between Zayn and Harry on a sofa with Louis next to Zayn and Niall on Harry’s other side, closest to the host of the show.

With the release of the album coming closer, people wanted to know more things about potential singles, music videos and tour. Harry managed to spill the secret on all of them, mentioning the next title, which luckily no one seemed to pick up on, followed by talking about their next music video. Niall tried to save it and interrupted Harry, saying, “Why don’t you spill the news about the tou-“

Liam’s eyes widened and he spoke up, “That is enough secrets for today!”

“Oh shit” Niall realised what he had just said with a shocked face as Harry still seemed clueless. Louis picked up the conversation then, managing to randomly bring up the latest single and starting to ramble off about the lyrics. It didn’t even make any sense and the host interrupted him as well with a new question.

“Why did no one stop me? Did anyone get that?” Niall turned to Liam, leaning over Harry who pushed him away, “Get off”

“I don’t know” Liam replied, unable to contain a chuckle at the situation.

“What are you guys even doing?” Harry now asked, looking a little annoyed at the boys talking over him.

“You said the name of the single and leaked that we have a music video coming” Liam whispered to him.

“I did what!?” Harry loudly asked, grabbing the attention of the room again, blushing and quickly saying, “Sorry, don’t mind me, please”

Of course, the host now focused on the three boys that had been whispering before and Liam almost did a double take when he was asked some unexpected questions after Harry had wiggled his way out of a few others as well. He had never been asked about his family before and stuttered his way through the answer, probably looking as confused as he was. After that, another question was asked that Liam didn’t know how to answer and Zayn stepped in, casually giving a vague answer that barely had anything to do with the question itself, before leading the conversation on another topic. Liam hated this, he glanced to the side of the stage where he knew Paul and Robert were standing, and saw Robert talking to a person working for the studio looking rather angry while Paul caught his glance, mouthing whether Liam was alright, and the boy nodded slowly. He was okay, Zayn had taken over when his brain stopped working at being surprised.

Liam was once again ripped out of his thoughts, when the last question was directed to their relationships once again.

“So, there is no truth to you guys dating each other or to the rumour about you Liam dating the drummer of the band? And is it safe to say that at least half the band is not straight?” the host asked with a knowing smirk, that unsettled all of them. Liam could see Robert angrily yelling at the producers out of the corner of his eye. He wasn’t the only one turning to look to their management team as he saw the heads of the other boys turn as well, neither daring to answer that question.

“Is it true, then?” the host pressed.

“Well, I’m definitely bi if you were out for some headline, but that question was inappropriate and making these assumptions is actually really hurtful. We’ll talk about these things when we are ready to, not when you try to pressure us into this” Harry spoke up loud and clearly, suddenly, surprising his bandmates. They all knew he had been talking to Robert about this, but this was definitely not planned and Liam felt sad and proud at the same time. It was a lot to do this live on tv, especially when he wasn’t sure about this before. He carefully put his arm around Harry’s shoulder giving him a light squeeze, whispering, “That was amazing, I’m sorry you had to do that”

Harry sent him a little smile as the host wrapped up the show after that awkwardly, announcing that the band would be back to perform a song after the break. Paul and Robert were there the second they got the sign that they were off air.

“They will not be performing, and you will be hearing from our team about this” was all Robert told the man, brushing off the producer who was trying to talk to him as well. Liam only guessed it was a producer. Paul on the other hand tried to make sure they were alright, all five of them. Harry had turned a whole shade paler since Liam had last looked at him and whispered softly, “What did I do?”

“You are okay, Harry, there is no need to feel bad about this or to panic. You can go on dates now and not care what people think” Liam told him, “That’s all you wanted to do during the last tour”

Harry nodded slowly, but still seemed a little scared and turned to lean into Liam, hiding his face.

“Let’s go, boys” Paul all herded them up and out of sight backstage before the cameras resumed with Robert right behind them, talking to Harry gently, who was still wrapped under Liam’s protective arm.

“Are we really not going to perform?” Niall interrupted the conversation with an innocent smile, “Because it’s not the fans’ fault”

They contemplated their options for a little while with Robert who said it was their choice and, in the end,, they did go on stage. The host was nowhere to be found on set as another person had stepped in and announced them after the break.

“What happened to the other guy?” Liam asked Zayn as they took their places on stage. They were all sitting down, since it was a slow song and holding their microphones.

“I hope he got fired” Zayn shrugged, “But he probably just got in trouble”

The song started and Liam had to interrupt their conversation as he had to sing the first lines as always. When both him and Zayn had a break, the older boy leaned in, “That wasn’t a fair question”

“Yeah, I hope Harry will be okay” Liam agreed, glancing over to where the youngest band member was currently singing. He didn’t put in the same effort he usually did, and Liam could see that, worriedly. Zayn just nodded at him, following his glance. Louis met their worried eyes and nodded, his eyes saying everything they needed to just as it was his turn to sing and Niall leaned towards Harry, whispering something that made the other boy smile a little. Louis who was in the middle then nudged Harry as well, pulling a little grimace as he sang, managing to mess up his lines in the process.

Liam couldn’t help the chuckle escaping him, almost forgetting his own lyrics as well as Niall just outright laughed. Zayn jumped in luckily together with Liam who composed himself to keep the song going as the other three turned into a giggling mess, Harry shaking his head in amusement. They were all still giggling when they got backstage and neither realised when it happened, but suddenly Harry was not laughing but crying now. Liam was the first who managed to wrap Harry in a hug, followed by Louis and Niall and lastly Zayn who pushed them all together in a mess of limbs as he protectively tried to hold them all.

“Let’s get out of here, boys” Paul’s gentle voice broke them apart a little while later and Liam lost the fight with Louis to hold on to Harry as the older boy possessively kept Harry close to himself. Zayn told him not to worry too much as him and Niall were on either of his sides as they left the building.

The next few days, Harry was the centre of attention in the press and Liam felt bad for him. Robert made sure no inappropriate questions were asked again, but since Harry actually wanted to be open about this and not be ashamed, they were asked about it. The whole thing started a conversation between him and Josh as well. They hadn’t really decided yet what to do and after a few days of texting back and forth, Liam sought out Robert just before they were about to leave for some more press in Europe.

“I’m not sure if I told you yet or if someone else did, but Josh and I are in a relationship and we don’t really know how to do this… and seeing what happened with Harry… we are a little overwhelmed” Liam explained slowly, and Robert chuckled.

“That was bound to happen” the man said with a shake of his head, “Have the both of you talked about this?”

“Yeah, we don’t want to tell anyone, not until tour at least” Liam replied, “We haven’t told anyone apart from the band and his family and my dad”

“Your family?” the man asked and Liam just grimaced.

“Alright…. Well, are you okay with lying if asked directly?”

Liam sighed again, “Josh doesn’t like that idea”

Robert and him discussed their options for about half an hour until Liam felt like they had a plan in place and comfortable enough to talk to Josh about it, informing him about this. The couple talked about this until it was time to leave for the airport again.

“I’m already tired of planes” Liam muttered as they went through security after having made it through the airport with only a few fans noticing them. He wondered why it was always this inconsistent. Some days they were mobbed when no one should be able to know and others it seemed like no one cared or knew where they were even though it was obvious. This time he didn’t sleep through most of the flights, instead playing Nintendo with Niall who always seemed to have some games with him on these plane rides. Zayn joined in after a nap and when they got tired of it, Louis pulled out a card game.

They stayed one afternoon in Paris, doing radio shows before moving on to Germany where they ended up going to an award show at night and did a few interviews for magazines and such the following the day. That night they flew back home to London.

The band was completely exhausted and done when they boarded their last flight. Robert had asked whether they’d like to stay another night, giving them more of a break after the interviews or go home straight away. While they all had agreed that they wanted to be back home as soon as possible, Liam was seriously doubting that decision by now. He’d been keeping up with his physical therapy and the sessions with Natalie rigorously, had done both in the morning that day, missing two interviews. After that he had kept his sling off during two more interviews, having to explain this to the fans as well, to make sure no one would spread rumours again or call him a liar for sometimes not wearing his sling.

In the evening he regretted it, though, he was hurting a lot again and his pain pills had been in his other bag that he now had no access to anymore since he had only needed them once during this trip and forgotten about keeping them close at all times. Since it was only a short flight of about two hours, he didn’t bother to find a way to get them, but decided to wait it out. He knew he could do that. But pairing this with the exhaustion and tiredness of a late night flight, the ongoing anxiety he was battling and a flight he didn’t really like to be on, was a mess in and on itself.

The lack of luck Liam lately was experiencing just kept on going when the airport was swarmed with people, fans and paparazzi. It was overwhelming and by the time they made it to the car, Liam was first and then followed by a panicking Niall and the rest of the boys a moment later, Liam was full on panicking. He just couldn’t breathe and think straight, and everything hurt. It was just too much. Louis was right there with him, helping him breathe through the panic and overwhelming thoughts. It was scary and he was glad for the gently touches and calm voice of his friend, managing to pull him back a little. Louis held him as he cried almost silently by now and when he said that he wanted his dad after a while, the older boy didn’t seem to mind, promising, “He’ll be at your flat, waiting for us, Liam, probably with Josh as well”

Liam spent the next hour of the car ride, pressed against Louis’ side, face buried against the older boy’s neck until he fell into a soft slumber. He didn’t remember getting home or doing anything past getting scared in the car when Liam woke up the next morning. He felt sore all over and his head hurt a little but otherwise he was fine. After taking a few moments to just think and having a moment to himself, Liam lied in bed with his eyes wide awake. He could hear voices coming from somewhere in the flat and forced himself to get up and shower finally. After emerging from his bedroom, without his sling but with his right arm pressed against his stomach lightly, Liam found Josh and his father sitting in the kitchen, talking to each other.

“Sunshine!” Josh was out of his seat with a wide big grin as soon as he saw Liam and ran up to him, pulling him into a tight hug, before pulling back and kissing him softly, “I missed you, but I wasn’t allowed to wake you, yet”

Josh was pouting, glaring at Geoff who just laughed as Liam smiled and walked over to where they were sitting. His boyfriend didn’t waste any time in getting him breakfast that Liam knew he had to eat. He had been doing okay on the press tour, not skipping any meals, but was struggling with the amount of food he was supposed to eat.

Josh urged him on, though, and his father was a calming presence as well and Liam managed to finish his portion with some time while Josh talked to him about just how much he missed them and that he had watched their interviews as well.

“My boyfriend is a fan” Liam stated with a smirk, “Are you going to follow us around as well?”

“Shut up, you are an idiot” Josh blushed.

“I don’t mind dating a fan” Liam just grinned at him.

“Great” Josh rolled his eyes in amusement, but then glanced at the clock, “I have to go again, just wanted to stop by for breakfast. Do you have anything scheduled tonight?”

Liam shook his head, “Just a few things during the day”

“The band wanted to stop by, and we’ll bring dinner if that is alright” Josh replied and Liam nodded excitedly. After Josh left reluctantly, Liam spent some time with his father just relaxing before Paul was already there to pick them all up for the interviews. When Liam returned in the evening, still yelling at Niall who was continuing on to his own apartment, just unlocking his door, he could hear his father talking loudly. He sounded angry and his voice was raised which almost never happened. But before Liam could try and figure out what was being said, his father had seen him and stopped talking with a sigh, “Karen, Liam is back, I need to go. We’ll talk later”

After that he hung up and Liam paled, “Was that mum? Why were you yelling? Is everything alright? What is wrong? Why doesn’t she want to talk to me?”

“Liam” his father shook his head, turning to walk towards the kitchen.

“No, dad, stop!” Liam almost shouted, dropping the jacket he was holding to the floor as he followed his father who just carried on. Geoff put on the kettle, “Do you want tea with your dinner?”

“Yes, but don’t do that!” Liam yelled at him, looking more than upset.

“Liam, everything is fine” his father told him, but didn’t turn around, grabbing two mugs from the cupboard and moving on to get some tea.

“It’s not, you are lying again” Liam said, his voice wavering and he knew his lip was wobbling as he tried not to cry, “She is not picking up when I call. She hates me and you are not telling me!”

Geoff stopped what he was doing before taking a few deep breaths and turning around, “Alright, sit down and let me get us some tea and then we’ll talk”

Liam sat down on the bench in the kitchen and nervously played with his hands, not wearing his sling again, waiting for his father to sit down opposite him.

“What do you want to know?” Geoff asked, sliding one cup of tea over to Liam who wrapped his hands around it.

“Why were you yelling earlier?” Liam asked, looking up curiously.

“Your mother and I have been fighting a lot lately. I don’t agree with a lot of things she is saying and doing and while I ignored them in the past, I can’t anymore” Geoff explained.

“What is she saying… o-or doing?” Liam now wanted to know.

“I was back home the last two weeks while you were away like you know and she decided to host a dinner party with both Jason’s and Michael’s parents and her usual social circle. We fought about that. I mentioned Josh and you to her and the girls as well. The girls were fine, but she has some views I do not share and that I do not want you to hear. She doesn’t take your eating disorder serious and thinks your panic attacks are just you wanting attention as well. She doesn’t hate you, but she doesn’t understand you either” Geoff said softly, his voice not calm as usual but rather sounding upset and tired.

“Oh…” Liam just said, needing some time to comprehend the new information.

“She stayed with Michael’s mother after the second day of us fighting and we’ve mostly been talking over the phone but with the way things are going I don’t think we’ll be living together any time soon again.” Geoff said, “I wanted her to be with us when I talked to you and your sisters about this”

“Wait… what are you implying?” Liam asked, his voice barely even there and eyes wide, “It’s my fault”

“No, Liam, no. It is our fault. It is hers for acting the way she did, lying to me just because she doesn’t understand you and I’m at fault for turning a blind eye, ignoring all the signs that something was wrong. Both with you and our marriage” Geoff told him with a shake of his head.

Liam had tears in his eyes, he couldn’t even ask any more questions since he didn’t even know what was happening.

“I’m sorry, Liam, I know things are still so difficult right now, but I really want you to know that nothing is your fault. These things should have happened a long time ago and I am actually glad you finally made me see things with open eyes. After this weekend I’ll have to get back home to go to work, but as long as you are in London, I will be here on the weekends, like I told you. I’m not going to leave you and maybe we’ll get through to your mother someday as well”

Liam shook his head, “No, that’s not… I don’t… I need to… I can’t”

The boy got up from his seat, shaking his head and walked out of the kitchen. Geoff heard him walk around the flat for a little while before coming back into the room, “I’m going to Louis’”

With that the man was left alone in the flat and Liam was running up to the next level and barging into the flat of his bandmates. Louis and Harry were both sitting in the armchair cuddling and talking to each other, only looking up when Liam ran inside and threw himself at them, crying violently. He was quickly engulfed in Louis’ arms and could bury his face in the other boy’s chest as he grabbed him tight, not caring about the waves of pain it send up his right arm. It was bearable enough to not care. He felt Harry get up from his seat after a while and could hear him talk as well.

“Love, you need to calm down” Louis told him, trying to get him to breathe properly but it didn’t work. Instead, he just tried to keep as close to the older boy as well, as he felt himself be affected by the lack of air and panic flooding through him. It wasn’t surprising Liam when he was engulfed in darkness, his eyes slipping closed. By now he knew when it was coming but there was still not much, he could do to stop it.

It was a lot darker when he opened his eyes again, the headache behind his eyes making him groan loudly in pain as he found whatever he was laying on move.

“Liam, love, you awake?” Louis’ voice was gently, and Liam wondered what the hell had happened for a few moments before it all came back to him and he winced as he tried to sit up.

“Stay, I got you” Louis said, “How are you feeling?”

Liam ignored Louis’ protest and question as he sat up, pulling his right arm in close. He hadn’t slept without his sling yet and it felt sore as he looked around. He was still in the armchair with Louis. Zayn and Niall were asleep on the sofa as well and Harry was sitting on the floor, watching him and Louis concerned. Liam took another few moments to assert himself before dropping back down against Louis’ chest with a sigh.

“How are you feeling?” Louis asked again.

“H-headache” Liam simply said and winced at the sound of his own voice, “W-what… happened?”

“You passed out again, after talking to your dad about your mum” Louis explained slowly, “We had to ask your dad what was wrong. You couldn’t even tell us”

Liam nodded, that sounded about right.

“Josh and the boys were here while you were asleep, left some dinner for you as well” Harry now spoke up for the first time as well, sounding scared and soft at the same time. Liam sighed again; he had looked forward to spending time with them. Louis just held him for a while in silence and it could have been hours or minutes, Liam didn’t know, until Harry spoke up again.

“You need to take your meds and eat” Harry said and then apologised, “I’m sorry”

“Why are you apologising?” Liam frowned at him.

“Because it probably is the last thing you want to do right now” Harry explained.

“But that is not your fault” Liam told him gently and Harry just nodded in acknowledgement. Louis now moved up into a sitting position, pulling Liam upright as well, before asking Harry to get something to eat for Liam.

“Your meds are downstairs in your flat. Do you want us to get them and stay here longer or will you go back down for the night? Your dad is really worried” Louis asked Liam then.

“I don’t know yet” Liam replied, sounding unsure and Louis nodded, “Let’s decide after dinner, it’s already late”

Harry returned with a plate of dinner and handed it to Liam who really tried to eat, but it just made him feel sick and upset again, so he stopped after barely eating a third of his usual, already relatively small portion. Louis tried to encourage him to eat more but it didn’t work, and Liam just felt a few tears escaping again, making Louis stop pushing. Meanwhile Harry had woken Niall and Zayn up who were watching him worriedly as well. After a few moments of the boys just sitting with each other and Liam declining any offers to talk about what had happened, Louis said it was time to sleep.

Liam reluctantly decided he needed to go back to his own flat, knowing his father would be worried if he didn’t and he had already taken up too much time from his friends as well. Zayn didn’t let him go down alone, though, saying he wanted to make sure him and Niall got back home safely. They hugged Harry and Louis tightly goodnight and then the three of them carried on downstairs. At Liam’s door, Niall hugged them both before continuing on to his own flat with Zayn asking Liam whether he was alright, as he hesitated opening the door.

“Can you stay?” Liam asked in a soft whisper, his eyes not meeting Zayn’s. The older boy of course agreed and opened the door for Liam. Geoff was already on his way to meet them, looking relieved and worried at the same time as he saw the two boys.

“Liam” he just said, and Liam shook his head, “I’m okay”

“Can we talk about this?” his father asked pleadingly but Liam just shook his head and went to his bedroom with Zayn trailing behind him. The older boy watched as Liam finally grabbed his sling and put it on, hoping for some relief after wearing it to sleep and then reached for his anxiety medication.

“I’ll get you some water” Zayn said and left the room, talking to Geoff quickly before returning as promised with some water. The man seemed a little more relaxed when Zayn explained that Liam had been alright, even if he only ate a little and talked to them a little after waking up. Zayn stayed with Liam who struggled to sleep all night and with breakfast as well. Liam was gripping his teacup in the morning tightly as Paul and Geoff talked at the door. Their security had come to pick them up for the second music video shoot and both knew they were contemplating of postponing it.

“What were you talking about?” Liam said accusingly, glaring at his father as he came back to the kitchen.

“You and what happened last night. The lack of breakfast and dinner as well” Geoff said openly, “Paul is talking to Robert right now”

Liam almost ran to where Paul was still standing in the entrance way talking on the phone, “I’m not staying back today”

“Liam, not now” Paul dismissed him and turned away from him.

Liam stood frozen for a moment, hating the way he was brushed off before returning to his bedroom and simply locking himself in. He didn’t want to talk to anyone anymore. Everything hurt and his mind wouldn’t shut up. Zayn and his father both tried to get inside his room a few times until giving up. Liam was crying but managed to tell them that he was not panicking, just upset. They left him alone for a while until Louis’ voice cursed at him through the door, before gently trying to coax him out. He didn’t move at all until Paul told him that he could go to the video shoot through the door. Liam went into his bathroom, tried to make himself look presentable and left his room. The band, his father and Paul both looked at him confused and Liam just stood there, waiting for them to make a move.

“You have a session with Natalie later this afternoon, so you will be leaving early” Paul told him after a while. Liam acknowledged him and the man ushered the band out of the door then. The boy didn’t talk to his band mates the whole car ride over and when they arrived at set, he spent the longest in makeup and hair. The others were already dressed when Liam went to find the clothes he was supposed to wear. Ben, their director and writer of the music video came up to him while he was still alone, asking how he was doing and saying, “If you need any time off at all, a break or whatever just tell me. I don’t want you to hurt or be upset”

Liam just nodded quietly, unable to even manage a smile which worried Ben. He was the producer of most of their music videos and the boys knew him rather well by now.

“Are you sure you are alright? You look upset”

“I am upset” Liam just replied honestly with a shrug as he started to take off his sling.

“You can leave it on if you’d like” Ben told him, “It doesn’t matter for the video”

Liam shook his head, “Want it off”

“Okay, please tell me if anything is wrong, alright?”

Liam nodded again and was relieved when he was left alone then.

“You are quiet, can you tell me what is going on with you?” Zayn asked him once he was done and joined the boys where they were waiting for the camera team to finish setting up.

“No” Liam simply said, and Zayn frowned.

“Liam, come on”

“What?” Liam almost yelled, glaring at Zayn before turning away.

That was the most Liam talked to his band mates that afternoon. He was still fuming when he left the set later that day since he was meeting up with Natalie. By the time he arrived at his flat, though, the anger had faded away and all he wanted to do was cry now. It didn’t take many questions from her for him to break down crying and struggling to explain what was going on. Lately he had just been getting so upset and frustrated with everything and everyone and he hated it. Adding the drama in his family and the confusion and hurt he felt from there only added into sending him into another panic attack. He had been doing so good on the press tour and now everything felt like it was crumbling down on him.

At the end of the session Liam was exhausted and didn’t even bother getting up from where he was curled up on his sofa. Natalie had left a new prescription for him and ended with the words, “… you are not getting worse, Liam, you just had a bad day and got some bad news yesterday. It’s alright to be upset and the anger and moodiness sounds like a side effect from your medication. We can work on that. You are still doing so much better than expected…”

Those were the words that didn’t leave his mind even when she was gone, and his father was watching him warily for a few minutes form the doorway. Liam turned towards him and motioned him to come over after a while. He made his father sit down next to him before leaning against him with a sigh. They stayed like this for a while and when Geoff tried to say something Liam just shook his head. He was tired of this and they could talk some other time. After at least an hour had passed, it felt like an hour, Liam said, “I’m sorry for getting angry”

“That’s alright, Liam, things were tense, and you were upset, I get it”

“No, it’s not alright, you guys just keep saying that because you don’t want to upset me further!” Liam told him almost getting angry again, but he caught himself again, taking a few deep and calming breaths.

“I have new anxiety meds” Liam said after his father didn’t reply, knowing that was enough of a confirmation, “They should make me less angry”

“That’s good” Geoff nodded, and they fell into a silence again, before the man said, “I’m leaving tonight for work. Do you want to talk about what upset you?”

Liam shook his head, “Not yet… I might c-call though… once I… know what I’m thinking”

“Sure” Geoff nodded again, “It might help if you get your sisters opinions as well”

“Maybe” Liam answered.

“Did you eat lunch on set?”

“No”

“Are you willing to eat a snack?”

“No”

His father looked upset but didn’t really protest, instead he still made a snack for Liam and told him to eat. After their little talk, Liam and his father spent some more time with each other, pointedly not bringing up their family again and instead settling for talking about Liam’s work. The boys stopped by for a moment when they came back from the video shoot but left them alone to give them some more time since Geoff was leaving later that evening. After dinner, Liam hugged his father goodbye before making his way up to the other boys’ flat. Niall was already there, sitting on the floor, with his guitar in his lap while Zayn was nowhere to be found. Louis was in the kitchen with Harry yelling at him.

“What is wrong?” Liam flopped down next to Niall.

“I think Louis is in love with Harry who doesn’t know what to do with that information while Louis is still in denial. They have been either fighting or almost making out all day” Niall informed him, while still gently strumming his guitar. Liam frowned, “Louis is what?”

“I think Zayn has a girlfriend as well, he keeps disappearing” Niall nodded.

“Interesting… how do you know that?” Liam asked confused.

“I’m good at reading people and I’m not distracted by my own love life. It’s non-existent” Niall told him, sounding almost sad at that.

“You’ll find someone someday” Liam told him, “And by the sound of that I don’t think they are going to get their stuff together any time soon”

Liam nodded towards the kitchen where Harry was now crying, and Louis was switching between apologizing and yelling again. Niall chuckled, “Yeah”

The door opened and a smiling Zayn came in, joining both Liam and Niall on the floor, before sending a worried glance to Louis and Harry who were now both crying and hugging, “Should we do something?”

“No, I think we would just make it worse” Niall said, stopping to play now and sighing, “What’s your girlfriend’s name, Zayn?”

Liam smiled when Zayn just answered, “Gi- wait, I don’t have a girlfriend”

“Whose name were you about to say, then?” Niall asked with a smirk, “Got you there”

“I’m not… I don’t…” Zayn tried to find a way to talk himself out of this, “Alright, fine, I’m talking to someone but it’s not… it’s nothing, yet. I mean, I’d like to, but… we are… I am figuring things out. She’s just a friend, even if I like her, I don’t think she agrees, so…”

“I’ve never heard you stutter like this” Liam told him softly, “Are you okay?”

Zayn nodded, looking almost shy, “Just don’t tell Louis, yet. He’ll try and meddle and ruin things”

Liam and Niall nodded, all three of them flinching when Louis dropped down next to them, his face still wet with tears, but a wide fake smile plastered on it, “Don’t tell me what?”

“That you are being an idiot and breaking your own heart along with Harry’s” Niall bluntly said with a shrug, before starting to play again as Liam just reached out and pulled Louis in a hug. Louis melted against him, seemingly relaxing but didn’t answer Niall.

“Harry, come here” Liam also said to the youngest band member who was watching from the entrance to the kitchen, looking plainly sad. Harry slowly trotted over to them and sat down in their little circle as well, between Niall and Zayn. Niall was next to Liam who was holding Louis on his other side. Zayn copied Liam and pulled Harry in a gentle hug.

“I think… you two need to talk more and from what I’ve heard… you shouldn’t let your own problems out on Harry like that, Lou. It’s not fair, even if he is being a little too pushy. I know you just want to work things out, but Louis needs more time, you can’t force it” Liam said softly, looking at both his friends. They both didn’t meet his eyes, but he could feel Louis nod against him, while Harry just sighed sadly again.

“So, now that this is all cleared up, I’ve got this thing stuck in my head” Niall said in an overly cheery voice, before starting to play, “Listen, I just don’t know how to… what to do with it, but I like it”

Liam, Zayn and Niall wrote a song within the next thirty minutes. Louis and Harry seemed a little less upset while not really participating and when they were done with the song, they decided it was time to go to bed. Liam got ready to get up and follow Niall out the door, but Harry grabbed his arm, stopping him with a soft voice, “C-can you stay?”

“Huh?” Liam asked confused, taking in the nervous face and still pale skin of his friend.

“I don’t want to be alone” Harry explained, and Liam was about to say that he wasn’t when he realized that Louis had already disappeared into his room, the door closed and nodded.

“Sure, just need to get my meds or you could come down with me” Liam suggested with a gentle smile. Harry liked that idea even more and followed Liam down to his flat, staying with him for the night.


	15. Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have one or two more chapters left. Not sure whether I'll make one long chapters or two shorter ones, yet.   
> Thanks for reading and the comments you've left so far. I really appreciate them. 
> 
> Happy New Year. This one has been crazy. Let's hope for a better one.

The next few weeks were filled with meetings and rehearsals for the tour they were planning. Somewhere in between they finally dropped their album, did a little more press for it and actually got to enjoy the fan’s reaction. They had quite some more free time than in the past that they spent mostly together and with the band. Liam and Josh managed to actually go on a few dates without Liam freaking out at all. The weekends were reserved for their families most times as well. Geoff came down to London every Friday and Liam loved the attention he received and knew his bandmates used the time to talk or meet up with their families as well. Harry and Louis were still in a weird state of their friendship or relationship where they were either the closest, they had ever been or couldn’t even stand being in the room with each other. Even Paul and Robert were aware of this by now and had numerous talks with them about not letting it show in interviews. It was no use, though. Everyone realized that something was going on between them.

Liam felt the best he had in a long time; his new anxiety medication really helped him get out of the weird mindset he had been in. He still experienced anxiety and sometimes it was bad enough to cause a panic attack. While he had regained some weight, he was still underweight, and he was struggling with this as he was trying to prepare for the tour. Liam loves to run and to actually work out, but Katie was still holding him back, only letting him do a certain amount of it as his body was still healing, apparently, and he hated it. His collarbone was mostly healed by now, only the muscles in his arm and shoulder causing him trouble. The physical therapy was now mostly trying to get back his strength and to get rid of any lingering pains. The wounds on his arm and leg were still visible and healing and they might even leave scars which Liam hated. He didn’t want to be reminded of this every time he saw them, but it was most likely to happen.

Another week in, Zayn, who had been disappearing again and again during lunch and tapping out on most activities they did in their free time, called out for the boys to shut up during a quick lunch between rehearsals, “I have something to say!”

“Is it about your secret girlfriend?” Niall asked with a knowing smirk and Zayn’s expression gave it away, “Oi, it is! I knew it!”

“Niall stop it” Liam told him with a soft smiled, shaking his head at the other’s excitement.

“I want to bring her to rehearsal tomorrow… we’ve only made it like… official last week and she wants to meet you guys as well” Zayn said, smiling softly and blushing, “And we only have the run through on stage after lunch and maybe she could come by for lunch and stay after?”

“Sure thing don’t worry about. We’ll be properly embarrassing and annoying, as it’s our job to try and scare her away” Louis just told him with a wide smile, “She’s been spending too much time with you. We barely see you anymore”

“You see me at least twelve hours each day!” Zayn called out exasperated.

“But that is work, we got no Zayn on our time off” Harry shook his head, agreeing with Louis, “She either needs to be okay with hanging with us as well or she needs to go”

“That’s a little harsh, don’t you think?” Liam asked softly, with wide eyes turning to Zayn who was shaking his head in disbelief.

“Nope, it’s how things are. We agreed we are family and family needs to have time together and work doesn’t count” Harry told him with a frown.

“Are you that jealous of Josh, too, when we don’t hang out with you guys?” Liam asked confused and Niall laughed out loud.

“Oh yeah, we hate Josh when he takes you away from time with us. We all agreed on that, even Zayn, so he can’t complain now” Niall explained, and Liam just seemed shocked while Zayn groaned, agreeing.

“It won’t be long, and I’ll be the only one left, once these two get their shit together” Niall nodded towards Louis and Harry, who both froze at that. Louis muttered, “We won’t” Before getting up and just leaving while Harry looked sad again. He was doing that a lot lately, Liam noticed.

“You won’t be alone, Niall, we still will spend most of our free time with each other, especially once we are on tour” Liam tried to assure Niall who seemed to still be in an existential crisis for being the only single in the group now. Luckily, their break was over soon, and they could get back to work. The next day, Zayn introduced his girlfriend, Gigi to the group nervously. She joined them for lunch and all of their fears and nervousness melted away as she engaged in a banter with Louis who had tried to scare her away. It was no use. She could hold her own and soon the both of them were laughing, yelling and running around the room, chasing each other.

“Going well, don’t you think?” Liam grinned at Zayn who nodded with a fond smile, watching her joke around with Louis and Niall. She walked back over to where Liam and him were sitting and talking, sitting on his lap and kissing him on the cheek softly.

“Hey, babe” Zayn said just as softly.

“Hey, you never told me they were this funny” Gigi grinned at him and Zayn groaned, “Because they are not. Especially Louis, he is annoying.”

Gigi laughed before turning to Liam and engaging in another conversation with him. Soon after the band showed up and Josh was pulled away by Josh, who complained, “You guys can’t keep hogging my boyfriend!”

“Wait, so it is true!” Gigi called out, smiling widely at the couple who had just leaned into kiss, then turning to Zayn, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“What? I didn’t? I always tell you about them!” Zayn replied confused, thinking about it, before adding, “Well, I’m not sure if I ever specified it, though”

“You are not going to tell anyone, right?” Liam sounded scared as he had stepped further towards Zayn and Gigi. The girl immediately looked shocked and apologetic, “No, of course not! Oh god, I would never! You don’t have to worry about a thing. We are trying to keep things on the down low as well. I know what it means to have things out in public”

Liam looked relieved and leaned back against Josh who whispered, “Told you she wouldn’t”

The younger one nodded and let his eyes slip closed, “I’m tired”

“Yeah? Let’s go relax a little, we still have half an hour” Josh told him, kissing the top of his head softly before leading Liam out of the room. Jon and Niall sat down next to Zayn and Gigi as well, convincing them to join them for a game. When it was time for them to go back to stage and go through a part of the set list, Gigi sat at the side of the stage to watch while the rest of the band slowly came back from wherever they had gone to. Harry and Louis, who seemed to be having a good day, were holding hands while they waited on Liam and Josh who Paul was still trying to locate. They weren’t in their usual napping spots.

Zayn and Gigi volunteered to go help looking for them.

In one of the many hallways Josh almost ran into them as they rounded a corner. He looked upset and relieved, “There you are. Do you have some time? Is Louis around?”

“Where is your sunshine?” Zayn asked with a worried frown, “What’s wrong?”

“Uhm” Josh glanced at the girl for a moment, before saying, “Liam’s mum called. It didn’t go that well”

“Shit” Zayn just said softly, turning to Gigi, “Could you ask Louis to come here, please? And stay with the other boys for a minute?”

Gigi nodded, not asking any questions as she could sense that something was wrong and leaving.

“He locked himself in the bathroom. I can’t get in” Josh told Zayn as he led him towards the door where he had come from, “I think this is a big brother situation”

Zayn nodded, getting where Josh was hinting at and knocked at the locked door. He could hear Liam struggling to breathe behind the door, and softly started talking to him, trying to get him to unlock the door. Josh went back out into the hallway to find Louis who came running towards them just moments later. He joined Zayn at the locked door and together they managed to get Liam to unlock the door. Before they went inside, Josh stopped them, “I’m telling Paul we need some more time and talk to the others”

Louis nodded and followed Zayn who was already kneeling next to Liam who was on the floor, curled up in the corner of the room, having a panic attack. They sat with him, tried to get him to breathe and just held him until it passed. Liam was clinging to them and it took quite a while for him to get his breathing under control.

“What happened, love?” Louis asked softly after some time.

“She hates me” Liam stated, his voice rough from crying and out of breath, “She… she thinks… I’m… Michael… better… my fault… and dad…”

“Deep breaths, Liam, it’s alright, you don’t have to talk if you can’t right now. Just work on your breathing” Zayn said, trying to calm him down, as the question seemingly sent him spiralling again.

“Do you want to talk to your dad?” Louis suggested after a few more moments and was surprised to saw Liam nod, he handed them his phone and Zayn dialled the man’s number. Geoff was worried the moment it wasn’t Liam that talked to him and Zayn was quick to explain, “Liam’s mum called, and it didn’t go over so well. We weren’t there but Liam had a panic attack”

“Is he alright now?” the man asked, followed by a string of curses.

“He wanted to talk to you, I think” Zayn said, “I’ll put you on speaker… okay”

“Liam?” Geoff asked softly and Liam replied, “Dad?”

“Yeah, it’s me. What did she say to you, Liam?”

“A… a l-lot” Liam replied, another set of tears flowing down his cheeks, “Why does she hate me so much?”

“I don’t know, Liam, I really don’t know. But that doesn’t matter. We love you and we do not need her. You are doing so great without her and I don’t want her to ruin this for you” Geoff told him.

“S my f-fault” Liam then said, and the man had to ask what he meant.

“Y-you… moved out, ‘s my fault” Liam elaborated, another sob escaping him even though Geoff was quick to assure him it wasn’t and that she was only using him to let go of her anger. They went on like this for quite a while longer. Liam said things and Geoff told him that his mother was wrong and lying, assuring him that his sisters and him didn’t share these views. The last thing they talked about was Josh. Apparently, Karen didn’t think their relationship was okay but inappropriate and that he should rather find himself a nice girl. Zayn and Louis both winced as they heard that, and Geoff actually got upset as he tried to tell his son that his wife was wrong.

It must have been about an hour before Josh showed up at the door again with Paul. They ended the conversation with Geoff as Josh went to hug Liam, asking whether he was alright. Liam just shook his head slowly and Paul got them off the floor, “We can rehearse without you for a while, why don’t you go lie down for a little while?”

They ended up going to the room where the boys usually got back to relax and hang out. There was a large sofa, some chairs and a table and their stuff scattered all over the room. Louis sat down with Liam, “I’ll stay a little longer, you guys go on start without me”

Josh gently kissed Liam on the cheek, “Love you, sunshine, get some rest”

Paul led Zayn and Josh back to the stage where the others were all waiting anxiously. Josh looked like he wanted to cry, and Zayn just went over to Gigi, pulling her against himself and burying his face in her shoulder.

“What’s going on?” Niall asked, his voice wavering as Harry asked, “Where’s Louis?”

“Karen called” Zayn said slowly, his voice trembling with anger. When he looked back up, his eyes were dark and upset, “I hate that woman”

“Don’t say that” Dan was about to scold Zayn for his words, but Josh interrupted his bandmate.

“No, she said… bloody hell, I can’t even… she basically said she had hoped that Jason had just finished what he had started” Josh managed to explain, already starting to cry, “And… and a lot of other things, that were horrible”

“What the fuck?” Zayn yelled, “He didn’t tell us that!”

He pulled back from Gigi, taking a few steps, breathing heavily, wanting to punch someone, something and it must have shown on his face, because Gigi followed him and tried to calm him. “Babe” she said softly, “They need you, you are scaring Niall”

Zayn looked over to the rest of the band. Harry and Niall were crying with Sandy trying to help calm them down while Dan had a crying Josh in his arms and Jon was talking to him as well, looking almost as angry as Zayn felt. Gigi held on to his arms and somehow managed to get him to calm down and Zayn nodded at her thankfully before going over to Niall and Harry who were throwing themselves at him, looking for comfort.

“I guess you are not ready to start yet, then?” Paul asked and Jon told him to leave them alone. The man sighed before adding, “I’ll call Robert”

The band settled down the side of the stage, all sitting down in a circle. While Harry had pulled away and was wiping at his face, getting his emotions back in check, Niall was still clinging to Niall as Gigi sat down next to them. The other four band members were sitting opposite them, huddled together.

“I hate this. Liam’s been so happy lately and… today will be a struggle again, with everything” Josh said softly.

“He’s not going to eat again” Harry nodded.

“We don’t know that yet” Zayn shook his head, “Maybe he feels better after a nap and Louis is with him”

“She made fun of his eating disorder, so yeah, I’m with Harry” Josh chuckled humourlessly, then suddenly sat up, “Do you still have his phone?”

Zayn nodded and handed it over to Josh who smiled, “I’m blocking her. I don’t want her to talk to him again”

“You can’t just do that” Sandy grabbed the phone from him, “It is his phone and his decision. He’s been trying to call her for weeks, wanting to talk to her before this”

“Yeah, exactly, she didn’t care enough to talk to him and then called to fucking send him in a panic attack. Give it back!” Josh angrily tried to get the phone back, pushing off Dan who tried to stop him.

“Stop it! Don’t fight!” Harry called out, sounding scared while Zayn shook his head.

Gigi was the one to put an end to the fight, simply stepping between them and telling them off in a stern voice. She gave the phone back to Zayn then and told them to sit back down and to behave.

“I like her, Z” Niall mumbled with a smile up at his friend, “No wonder you kept her to yourself this long”

Zayn just smiled with a blush as he looked over to Gigi who leaned against his shoulder with a knowing smirk.

Paul reappeared a little while later, sighing, “Go get your stuff, we are leaving. Today is cancelled and we’ll pick up tomorrow”

Neither protested and when Paul asked them, “Where are you all going so, I can get the cars organized? …. You are all going back to Liam’s again, right? Why did I even bother to ask”

Zayn pulled Gigi back a little as they walked back to the room where Liam and Louis were with all their stuff.

“I’m sorry about this… This didn’t exactly go as planned… If you want to go that’s fine-“

“Babe, stop, if it’s alright with the boys I’d like to stay and if you are okay with that?” Gigi interrupted him with a smile which in turn made Zayn smile as well as he nodded. They all walked into the room to find Liam and Louis on the sofa, sitting up and leaning against each other. Liam simply looked pale and exhausted, Zayn noticed, glad that there were no new tears while Louis glared at them all, “Be quiet!”

Niall was quick to climb onto the sofa as well, curling up against Liam’s side and holding on to him tightly. Liam just wrapped his arms around the younger lad and sighed tiredly.

“I’m taking you guys home. We are already way behind schedule and there is no sense in rushing through this. We’ll pick up tomorrow, Robert already knows what is going on as well” Paul informed Louis who nodded relieved.

“Liam’s got a pretty bad headache” Louis said which made Liam roll his eyes a little. It was true but he didn’t need to tell everyone. The boys quickly got their stuff together and Josh pulled his boyfriend up, wrapping him in a tight hug and whispering in his ear gently before they all were on their way out of the building.

Niall, Josh, Liam, Zayn and Gigi both went into the first car with the other boys in the second one. They really could use a bus on these occasions sometimes, Liam thought as he climbed into Josh’s lap, his head resting against his boyfriend’s neck tiredly. He needed the comfort of Josh holding him close, grounding him to feel safe. His head was spinning a little with the overwhelming thoughts he was fighting, the anxiety making him feel restless while exhaustion settled in as well. He had already been tired before all of this and had looked forward to catching a quick nap with Josh when his phone had rang.

“Are you alright, sunshine?” Josh’s voice startled him out of his thoughts even though it was barely above a whisper and he just shrugged. Josh nodded, holding him just the slightest bit tighter, before saying, “I love you”

Liam smiled and nodded against his neck, “Love you too”

“You are disgusting” Niall told them with a grimace, “Stop being all cute”

Liam kicked at him with a little smile which made Niall laugh. Josh just chuckled, “Don’t worry, Nialler. You’ll understand when you grow up”

Zayn couldn’t help the loud laugh escaping him at Niall’s pout. It was just too cute, and Gigi giggled as well.

Liam let his eyes slip closed when the banter in the car continued, resting his eyes and hoping the pounding behind them would stop. He wasn’t fully asleep yet when the car rolled to a stop, but he took a moment too long to move and found himself be lifted by Josh.

“M ‘wke” he mumbled and tried to move to walk on his own, but Josh just shushed him and continued to carry him up to his flat. Liam was too tired to care and just let him, his eyes slipping closed again with a soft mumble not even Josh could decipher. By the time they were in Liam’s flat, the boy was out cold, and Josh just laid him down in his bedroom with a soft kiss to the top of his head. Zayn, Niall and Gigi were already in the kitchen with Niall making tea and Zayn ordering dinner for them all.

“Louis texted, they are on their way up as well now, I told them to wait for dinner” Niall announced, staring at his phone in one hand while pouring water with the other into the cups.

“You are making a mess” Zayn commented with a chuckle, already moving to clean it up, before turning to Josh, “You’ll have to wake Liam for dinner and remind him to take his meds”

Josh sighed, “I don’t want to, he was so tired”

“Lou can do it once he is here” Zayn just said and Josh retreated, “No, no, it’s fine, I’ll go”

“Jay, wait” Zayn sighed and pulled Josh back gently, “You are upset, too, we all can see that, so let us help, please. Liam will be okay. He always is, today was just a bad day”

“I know… I’m sorry… it’s just, the things she said, they hurt me, and she is not even my mum. I can’t even imagine what he is going through right now” Josh explained, his voice wavering.

“Liam told us what she said about you and about your relationship with Liam. It’s not okay, alright and she definitely is not right? You should have stayed and talked to Geoff, he did a pretty good job at convincing Li” Zayn told him just as they heard the front door open, he added, “Help Niall with the tea, alright? We’ll get Liam up and eating”

With all the people in Liam’s rather small flat, they didn’t have much choice but to sit on the floor in a circle if they wanted to eat together and they all did that. Liam looked rather unsteady and pale as he followed Louis out of his room. They joined the boys on the floor as they were already eating, and both were immediately handed something to eat. They had simply gotten pizza for everyone and Liam ignored the food, grabbing his tea instead, as always when he tried to prolong the inevitable.

Louis turned to look at him a few times after exchanging some glances with Zayn and Josh, then leaned in, whispering, “Li, love, you need to eat”

Liam just shook his head and Zayn who saw that, pushed away from Gigi, more or less crawling around a few of his band members to squish himself between Liam and Sandy who was sitting on the boy’s other side. He put his arms around Liam and also tried to tell him to eat softly. His friend only tried to get away from him, but Zayn kept him close, “No, Li, stop that”

“Liam, just listen to me for a moment, alright?” Zayn asked him pleadingly and Liam relented with a tired nod.

“You are doing so great right now; Katie is about to let you go on runs again and I don’t want her to be the one to ruin it for you. She doesn’t deserve you and you worked too hard to let her ruin this” Zayn told him, “Please just try at least, like you promised your dad”

Liam looked torn at him but didn’t outright try to refuse and get away again, so Zayn gave him a little more room, only saying, “We love you and you are safe. You can eat”

The band who had pointedly ignored the conversation going on, knowing that Liam liked to pretend that they didn’t know about his struggles and let him do so. Another push from Louis and Liam actually tried to eat a few minutes later. It was not nearly enough once again, but neither of the boys felt the need to push him tonight. Instead, Niall just got out some snacks after the pizza was all packed away and pointedly handed Liam some Oreos while throwing the rest onto the floor for the others to grab. Liam smiled at him a little and ate two Oreos dutifully, knowing how happy it would make his band mates. After eating, Josh copied Zayn’s earlier movements and pushed Zayn out of the way to sit next to his boyfriend. Zayn laughed and gave him a push before returning to his place next to Gigi.

A little while later, Josh got up, pulling Liam with him and announced, “We are going to bed, you guys can let yourselves out and for god’s sake, please clean up after yourselves, you are a mess”

After him and Liam were gone, the boys stayed just a little while longer until Zayn and Gigi were the next ones to leave, followed by Dan and Sandy. Jon and Niall stayed just a few more minutes until it was only Harry and Louis left who cleaned up Liam’s living room and kitchen before returning to their own flat.

The rest of the week went much smoother, after a rather dull and slow first day, Liam felt almost back to normal after talking a few times with his father and at Josh’s request blocking his mother’s number on his phone. Gigi stopped by almost every day for a few hours until she had to fly back to the states. Zayn was heartbroken and glued to his phone for a few days after that, but they quickly fell back into a routine and before they knew it, they were close to starting the tour.

Josh and Liam both sat down with Robert a few days before the start of the tour and talked about them making their relationship public. It was the right time for them and as a bonus they would be able to take the pressure off of Zayn and Gigi who had been spotted together and were desperately trying to keep their privacy.

Another thing Liam wanted to do was schedule an interview. He hated the rumours and speculations flying around about him and his life, including his family and friends. The boy wanted to set them straight and to finally talk about things a little, so the truth was out there. After talking to Natalie, a lot about this, he knew he was ready, mostly at least.

While Robert still tried to work out the details of the interview and find a setting and person to do it with, Josh and Liam just took it upon themselves to as subtly as possible show the world that they were together. Leading up to the tour, both of them kept posting cryptic messages about each other and teased the fans with selfies of the both of them, kissing each other’s cheek and cuddling. The band had their fun with this as well, commenting the funniest things beneath them.

The first day of tour was hectic and a little scary. They would be on the road again for weeks and while Liam had seen his father just before they left, it was still unsettling.

Things went well, though. They had fun and joked around the stage as they had the most ever on stage. Liam managed to sneak up to where Josh was playing the drums a few times in between songs and sneaked himself a few kisses and hugs. After their last single, Liam pulled Josh down to the middle of the stage as well, as it was his turn to talk to the audience for a while as the other boys were backstage, using the toilet or changing their shirts. He talked about quite some nonsense for a while, before Josh just shook his head, interrupting him, “Sunshine, either you get to the point or I’ll talk. The boys are waiting to move on”

Liam frowned as he looked to the side of the stage where Niall and Louis were laughing their heads off at him and Harry just smiled at him with a shake of his head, “Right, ops, I got nervous, you do it!”

Josh suddenly had Liam’s microphone in his hand and just said, “Let’s just show them”

He quickly pulled Liam in for a kiss and grinned at the shocked gasp that escaped Liam who after a moment pulled him in closer with a smile.

“Disgusting…ly cute!” Harry yelled into his microphone as Louis was suddenly breaking them apart with a yell of, “Save some for later, boys”

Niall on the other hand was still laughing as he walked up to the group, “I think they got the message”

Josh nodded, before saying into the microphone, “Right, that went not as planned, but we wanted to let you know that we are together. You guys knew before we did, so don’t come at us about lying earlier. We were pretty dumb about it all”

He kissed Liam quickly again as he handed back the microphone before sprinting back up to his drum set.

The concert went on as if nothing had happened, apart from Liam who was now grinning widely even more than before.

Louis couldn’t help but make fun of him for that as well, mentioning it a few times. At one point, in the middle of a song, he even took a hold of Liam’s face, pointing at it and saying, “And now you know why Josh calls him sunshine! It’s disgusting, really!”

Liam couldn’t help the laughter as well and they actually messed up the song completely as the whole band joined in.

As it neared the end, Liam felt sore and tired but so much happier than he did in a long time. He was still beaming, just like the other boys when they got off the stage and made their way to the tour bus. He took his time saying goodnight to Josh who was going on the other bus with his own bandmates as they were driving through the night to the next city and wouldn’t see each other until the morning. This time it was Niall who pulled them apart and pushed Liam onto the bus, “You can talk tomorrow, lover boys”

The five of them were still high on adrenaline and took quite some time to calm down afterwards. It was weird, Liam decided, when he laid down in his bunk later that night after he had to get up again to take his anxiety medication which he had forgotten after all the excitement. It was weird, how different this felt. He had been excited and happy at their last tour as well, but he was also so damn scared and hurt all the time back then that he couldn’t even comprehend the differences anymore. His life was weird, Liam decided just as he fell asleep seconds later.

The second day was hard for Liam as he was incredibly sore and tired. Their schedule was a little different compared to the last tour. They had the morning off until lunch after each show, to get enough sleep and to rest while interviews and meetings were scheduled in the early afternoon or during days without a show. Josh came on to the bus early in the morning before either of the boys were awake yet and just climbed into Liam’s bunk, waking him in the process.

“What are you doing?” Liam mumbled, wiggling around with a groan and wince as he felt his tired muscles. Josh just pushed and pulled until Liam was laying halfway on top of him, arms around him and whispered, “Go back to sleep, love”

The boy made a non-committal sound before doing just so.

Half an hour later, though, Liam was wide awake and wiggling around restlessly, waking Josh again in the process, “Stop moving. Sleep”

“No, let’s get up, I’m awake” Liam protested and tried to climb over Josh out of the bunk. It wasn’t easy though with the little space and his tired limbs not really wanting to cooperate yet, so he found himself trapped by his boyfriend who chuckled at his antics. Liam and him argued some more about getting up until there was a loud thud on the wall above them, “Shut up, people are trying to sleep!”

Zayn sounded angry which sent Liam into a giggle fit that only caused more protests from above.

“Fine, fine, let’s get up before someone kills us” Josh gave in and the couple made their way to the front of the bus. They were eating breakfast when Niall and Harry joined them a little while later.

“When did he show up?” Louis asked, sounding confused as he pulled a grumpy Zayn behind him to the front of the bus as well.

Liam shrugged, while Zayn glared at them, “They were laughing in Liam’s bunk in the middle of the night”

“It was one hour ago, Zayn” Josh laughed, “I was awake early and wanted some cuddles from Liam. He just doesn’t get the fact that you can be awake and still stay in bed, apparently”

“Hey” Liam protested, but was still smiling at Josh.

After eating they hung out with the other boys at the arena and went out for lunch, walking through the city a little. During sound check, Liam just sat down on the side of the stage instead of running around like the rest, knowing he needed to give his body some time to adjust to the workload again. That night Liam wasn’t kept awake for a few more hours like his bandmates. Instead, he dropped into Josh’s lap after his shower and immediately passed out. He didn’t even remember taking his meds, but Louis assured him the next morning that they had woken him up before getting him to bed and that he took them. Liam needed a new way of doing this he realized that morning as well. Twice nights in and he had almost forgotten them on both days. He voiced his concerns to the boys, and they promised to keep an eye on him and remind him if he forgot again until he could talk to Natalie about this. Maybe they could work out a better time for him to take them.

After another relaxing morning, the boys had an interview scheduled after lunch before the next show.

The weeks flew by and before Liam knew it, they had two days off in a row, while they were on their American leg of the tour and Robert had scheduled the interview with him and Ben Winston. He had interviewed them before and directed most of their music videos so Liam would be comfortable. The other boys would be interviewed as well.

Just the day before the interview the boys were playing some football between the tour busses in the parking lot behind the arena. Paul put a stop to it, surprisingly, calling for Liam to talk to him for a moment.

The others decided to take a break as well, all curious to what was going on as Paul led Liam quite some steps away until they were alone.

Liam was still smiling, when he asked, “What’s up? Can’t we do that later? Is it about the schedule?”

“No, I have some news” Paul shook his head and then continued, “The lawyers called. We are going to have to move some of the last tour dates”

“What? Why?” Liam was confused, frowning at the man in front of him.

“The court case is being moved ahead. You need to be in London from the 20th to the 25th which is when we were supposed to be in Australia. Robert is working on moving those dates back” Paul told him gently, “We also arranged a meeting with the lawyer so you can talk things through. It won’t be easy, and we think being prepared will help you, though”

“Court?” Liam asked hollowly, the smile completely gone from his face as well as all the colour.

“Yeah… they are working on keeping the public out since you are only seventeen” Paul explained, “But you will have to attend and talk about what happened”

“I… I forgot about it…” Liam replied, sounding small and scared and Paul put a hand on his shoulder comfortingly.

“It will be alright, Liam. They hurt you and need to take responsibility for it. I’m sorry you have to do this, but it is necessary” Paul said gently, “Will you be alright with that? I need to tell the rest of the band about the tour dates. It will also be on social media by now”

Liam nodded slowly, not convincingly, “I’m… going onto the bus… can you tell Josh?”

“Yeah, I’ll send him in” Paul nodded and walked with him to the bus, waiting until he was safely inside before calling out for the other boys who were all near, trying to listen in on their conversation. He basically repeated the previous conversation, only adding, “I think Liam is okay, it just surprised him. Neither of us thought it would happen this quick, so we weren’t expecting this talk before the tour ended. He wanted me to send Josh in, though”

Josh was gone before either of the others could say something.

Liam was just sitting near the window at the front of the bus, staring outside, not even bothering to look up when Josh entered. The older boy sat next to him and pulled him in a little hug.

“Are you okay?” Josh softly whispered and Liam just shrugged. He didn’t look extremely upset, just sad and confused, so Josh stayed quiet, kept his arms around Liam and occasionally kissed him on the cheek or his nose and sometimes his lips. They sat together like this for at least an hour.

“I don’t think I can do this” Liam’s voice startled Josh. The older boy nodded in empathy, “It will be hard, but I believe you can do that. You’ve come so far and tomorrow you are planning to talk about things, you can take that as practice”

Liam shook his head, “That will be different… they will be there”

“Oh… I hadn’t thought about that…” Josh replied slowly.

“Yeah… and I won’t go into details… but there… I will have to…” Liam added.

“We are going to be with you as much as we can and you can ask for a break if you need it” Josh said, knowing it was only little comfort compared to what this would do to Liam. Liam just nodded anyways.

They talked for a little while more until Liam wanted to join the rest of the boys and then it was time for their concert as well. Josh didn’t know whether it was intentional or not, but he noticed Liam staying closer to him, sneaking up to the drums more often and generally being a little less enthusiastic than during the previous concerts. He also stayed rather close to Louis who kept making eye contact with Josh worriedly. After the show, he saw Zayn and Liam going to their tour bus while Louis held him back, “What did he say? Is he upset?”

“Yes, but not panicking upset, just scared” Josh replied, “I don’t know, we talked a little and I think he is mostly scared of seeing them or having a panic attack in court”

“Alright… that’s not too bad… we can try and help him with that… will tomorrow be okay?”

“I don’t know… could go south” Josh said, “Text me if something is happening on the bus, alright? We won’t see you until the morning”

Louis nodded, “Sure thing, mate”

The next day they were in a new city but didn’t have a show until the following the day. Their morning was free until the interview in the afternoon. While Liam was nervous, he also was ready to get over it. He had been so scared and anxious about this in advance that by now he had entered a state of just not caring anymore. There were so much more worse rumours out there that he didn’t mind it. He knew it would be hard to explain some things, but he had thought about this in advance, talked it through with his therapist and friends before and he liked Ben. That didn’t stop him from panicking, though.

[Interview – Video]

“Liam, good to see you again. How are you doing today?” Ben smiled warmly at him in greeting, even though they had just spent half an hour talking before the camera was rolling.

“I’m good” Liam said softly, hoping he didn’t sound as nervous as he was.

“I have a few questions here that you wanted to talk about. You’ve been through quite some things these last few months, and you haven’t really spoken about these topics before. A lot of people are wondering why you decided now was a good time to do this” Ben said, sounding neutral.

“Well, that is a good question” Liam almost chuckled, “I know that there are a lot of rumours and false facts out there and I don’t like that. Then I also know that some fans actually care about us and I don’t think it’s fair to not speak about this, because… actually, I don’t know, I just think that they should know the truth and not wonder whether some of the bad things are true… and I couldn’t do this before because… things have been hard for me and I feel like now I am in a little bit more control of things, so I hope this goes alright today”

“That doesn’t sound very confident, Liam” Ben amusedly shook his head.

“I guess so, but if not now, then I’ll never do it” Liam shrugged.

“Tell me if there is a question you want to skip” Ben told him and waited for Liam to nod, “Alright… can you tell us about all these stories about you being bullied or you bullying people at your school. There have been so many voices and accusations that no one really knows what’s going on. If we believe your bandmates you were the one bullied?”

“I don’t like to think about things these ways, but I guess it is true?” Liam explained, sounding unsure, “I never really thought that way about myself. I just knew that I wasn’t really popular at school and had trouble fitting in. Especially after missing so much school when I was younger while being sick so much. I might have to explain that first… I only have one kidney, I think we said that before, right? And I was really sick as a kid and started school really late with no friends and it just made things harder for me, since I was quiet and stuff… And I couldn’t participate in a lot of things as well, because I was always sick and missing a lot of days. Well, the point is, that I just kind of didn’t make friends, I guess. I just felt like I didn’t really exist for most people, I just was there, and no one cared. That’s why I don’t feel like I was bullied.”

“Well, when did the whole situation with your classmates start, then? Jason and Michael, I believe?” Ben asked then, nodding slowly.

“Uh… I don’t really remember to be honest. Jason was always there, and he was mean to everyone not just me. Michael was similar, just not as bad. I don’t really know when it started but it was just normal for them to corner me after school and to try to mess with me” Liam said, “It didn’t really end with more than a few bruises, but I got tired of it and hit them back once, I was thirteen or fourteen? They didn’t like that very much and came back with friends which ended with me in the hospital with a broken arm. I could take them both the day before but five were too many”

“And you don’t consider this bullying?” Ben asked again, only earning a shrug this time, so he asked, “That kept happening?”

Liam nodded, “Yeah, until I left for x-factor. They jumped me one more time and I ended up in the hospital again with a concussion and bruised ribs, but I had taken up running and usually just ran home after school so they couldn’t get me”

“And you never told anyone?”

Liam shook his head.

“Why?”

“I felt like I deserved it and that it was my fault… I know that this was stupid and messed up but it’s what I thought, and I still struggle with that now, so, yeah… my parents found out that Jason was involved and tried to get him in trouble, but I didn’t want that. I was too scared of what he’d do next and apart from messing with me, Jason was a good guy, everyone loved him”

“Liam, you never deserved that” Ben shook his head at him sadly and Liam let out a nervous laugh, “So I’ve been told”

“Good! So… they kept hurting you and no one really knew about it? Not even your parents after you’ve been to the hospital?”

Liam shook his head, “I didn’t tell them anything and they thought it was a onetime fight. The broken arm was from me falling down the stairs as far as they knew and not too soon after I was on x-factor anyways and left. So, nothing happened”

“You said you were thirteen the first time you were in the hospital. That’s still three years, Liam”

Liam frowned at that. It wasn’t that bad, but Ben swiftly moved on, “Alright, and then you were put in the band, am I right? How did that go?”

“Confused the heck out of me” Liam explained, “I didn’t have any friends before and suddenly we were on tour together, not really knowing each other and they scared the hell out of me, especially Louis and I was waiting for them to hate me and that wasn’t good. Because it made me panic and be really uptight and stuff. The boys didn’t like that but at the same time I felt that they were not taking things seriously, because I knew I couldn’t go back home. I was so scared to fail as a band that things went south pretty quick”

“What do you mean by that?” Ben asked for Liam to elaborate.

“Well, I didn’t really have fun with them, and it was kind of isolating and Louis and I ended up constantly fighting, because I didn’t tell them about things and that caused misunderstandings”

Liam stopped for a moment, but Ben looked at him still expectantly, so he continued, “One thing I didn’t tell them was that I only had one kidney and all they did was eat junk food. Louis thought I was judging them, but honestly, I was just too scared they would hurt me if they found out. The boys also drink a beer sometimes and I don’t drink alcohol because of my medical history which had the same effect.”

“Why would they hurt you for that?”

“Well, Jason and Michael made a weird game out of trying to… hurt my other kidney? I really don’t… can we move on?”

“Sure, so when did that change? Because you and Louis are really close right now, aren’t you?” Ben asked.

“Yeah, of course, we all are now. They are like my brothers! Louis and I got in a fight and I ended up telling them about my kidney because I was angry and didn’t watch what I was saying and when I realized that I had a really bad panic attack. Which first made it worse for me, because they knew something now and if you know the boys, they keep pushing and prodding until they know everything, and I hated that. I think it was good in the end, though, because I don’t think I’d be here now if they didn’t do that. They still scared me though.” Liam explained, his voice growing a little weaker as he thought back to that time. He really owed these boys so much, they saved him, not only from Jason and Michael but also from himself.

“I think that it is good, too, that you opened up to them” Ben nodded which made Liam laugh.

“What is so funny about that”

“It wasn’t really voluntarily, though. Most of the things they found out were because I had a panic attack and said things I don’t even remember, and they guessed the rest. It was also pretty obvious what was going on after I got home pretty beaten up after visiting my sisters. I had run into Jason and Michael and that was when the fans started to know about things as well.” Liam explained, trying to take a calming breath as he could feel the anxiety creep up on him again.

“This was a mess in the media as well. All we knew was that you had injured your knee and after fans hacked the hospital records and police records these two guys gave an interview as well and there was so much contradicting information going on” Ben said with a nod, “How did you experience that?”

“I didn’t even know about all this drama until my sisters sent me the article about them and I couldn’t really deal with it. It scared the hell out of me, and it felt like they just kept trying to hurt me and I still don’t get why or what I did to cause this. I just tried to keep to myself” Liam said, “All I know is that they were lying. I never did any of the things they said and while I really don’t appreciate the fans hacking data with my personal information, it still is more proof of what they did than any of their words against me. I still don’t know why people care so much about this.”

“It was a while until things around you died down again until you and the boys had about a week off, right?”

Liam grimaced, “Yeah, good times”

“What happened?”

“Everyone saw the video, didn’t they?” Liam sighed tiredly, “What is with people and hacking police servers? No one was meant to see that. I hate that!”

Ben nodded sympathetically, “Yeah, it is not okay to do such things. There are reasons why some things are not accessible for the public.”

“Right, well, you know… we had planned to spend half a week at home with our families and then go on a short weekend trip, just the five of us to relax. The last few weeks had been really hard for me and I was tired. They boys as well, we were working way too much and never got any sleep. We didn’t see it that much back then other than knowing we were exhausted, but comparing it to now, the way we work and tour… it is so different!” 

Ben smiled at him and nodded, “You boys seem much happier on this tour”

“We are, I think” Liam replied thoughtfully.

“Can you still walk us through what we saw on the video?” Ben asked carefully and Liam sighed.

“Alright… I mean… I don’t really know what to say… I was walking home with my sister when someone yelled my name and before I knew what was going on, I was on the ground and then the boys showed up and literally saved me. We went back home after they left us alone and then… I think Harry realised it, that something was wrong with my collarbone and Niall hurt his arm and they took us to the hospital. I don’t remember much more since I had a concussion apparently”

“Was there any reason for this? It seemed too planned to be just random. Did they know you were back home? And how did the boys know where you were and whether you needed help?” Ben asked, sounding actually curious.

“Well… they knew I was home since I saw them at the airport and Michael showed up at my house before” Liam sighed, reaching up to rub at his forehead with a wince, trying to put things into order was giving him a headache, “And since I was at the café with my sister for a while someone must have told them where we were, small town and all that… If I had known Michael was angry at me, I wouldn’t have left the house to be honest, but I didn’t”

“Why was he angry?”

Liam sounded uncomfortable with that question, but answered it anyways, stuttering more than before and talking slower, thinking about each word before saying it, “The day before… I had a little… fight?... with my mum? I don’t really remember… like I said before, my parents had no idea what was going on and she… she is friends with his mother and was talking about Michael and I got upset and told her a part of what had been happening and… she didn’t believe me… it really wasn’t a good day, to be honest. I panicked and called… I think I called Niall but ended up talking to them all? I barely remember it”

“If you don’t want to talk about this, we can move on…” Ben said softly when Liam took a pause in talking to take a deep breath, trying to stay calm. The boy then shook his head.

“Well, my mother talked to his mother about what I said, and she told him. At least that’s what he yelled at me when he and Jason broke my collarbone” Liam now quickly said, trying to get the thoughts out before he might start crying, then added just as quickly, “I didn’t know the boys would show up a day early for our vacation which we never got to take… but they did and when my parents told them where Ruth and I had gone they went looking for us… It was good timing more than anything, I think, that they showed up when they did”

“I’m glad they did” Ben smiled, “I really don’t want to know what would have happened if they didn’t”

Liam just grimaced.

“After this your parents knew what was going on, right? Your mum must have believed you after you and Niall got hurt” Ben then asked.

“They knew parts of it… I thought she believed me, that she cared, but… can we not talk about her?” Liam looked up at Ben with pleading eyes and the man nodded immediately, smiling gently.

“You boys went back to London after what happened, not going through with you plans for you last days off? Louis posted this picture of you and Niall sleeping in the car, right?”

Liam groaned, “Right, he always does that… yeah, our management team wanted us back to do… what did we even do? Did people already know? We were home another day, right? They went after Niall again the day after that… Or am I not remembering things, right?”

“There were two incidents in that week?” Ben asked sounding surprised.

“Yeah, we… we went for a walk the day after… Zayn and I went ahead and when we came back, Niall was hurt… I don’t get why they needed to hurt Niall. That really makes me angry and feel guilty because they were trying to protect me and got hurt as well… Sometimes I wish they hadn’t gotten involved because then they wouldn’t have gotten hurt” Liam explained, sounding genuinely upset about the whole thing. Mostly about Niall getting hurt, though, “I get that they went after me, but Niall never did anything wrong”

“What do you mean by that? Why would they go after you?” Ben asked him with a concerned glance when Liam shrugged, “I don’t know, they hate me and that’s fine, really, I get that, but… I don’t know”

”Why don’t we take a little break now, Liam?” Ben suggested and Liam just nodded.

“Are you sure you are okay, Liam?” Ben asked after the cameras were cut and he got up from his seat stretching. Liam shrugged again. He didn’t feel like talking anymore. Going back in time like this actually was more painful than he had expected, especially when he realised how his mother had been acting back then. Liam really had thought she cared, thinking back to the dinner where his parents wanted him to talk to Silvie and he had fled to the kitchen to be comforted by the boys.

“Liam, hey are you alright?” Ben’s voice ripped him out of his thoughts again, making him flinch violently.

“Y-yeah, sorry”

They had been alone in the room apart from the camera and sound people and Robert who Liam had mostly forgotten where still there. Robert was now in his line of sight again, “Do you want me to check whether the boys can have a break as well?”

Liam nodded, remembering that the rest of the band were in the same building, doing a few interviews of their own and they had made Liam promise to get them if he felt overwhelmed or panicked at all. While that was not necessarily the case, he still felt weird and simply sad. He didn’t like that feeling.

“Paul is bringing Louis and Zayn up; they were just taking a break themselves. Niall and Harry went out to get themselves a second lunch” Robert informed him some time later. Liam nodded again. The room was empty apart from him, Robert and Ben now. The two men were talking a few steps away from Liam, who pulled his legs up underneath himself and wrapped his arms around himself as well, wincing at the pull in his arm.

When the door opened, Louis and Zayn walked in followed by Paul. They both smiled at him and sat down on either side of him. Zayn pulled him in a protective hug as Louis asked, “How are you holding up?”

Liam shrugged, pushing his face against Zayn’s shoulder and taking a deep breath, slowly relaxing into the embrace. He only realised now how tense he had been.

“I didn’t… expect it to be so hard… to-to talk about my… m-mum” Liam explained with a few shuddering breaths after some time.

“I thought you weren’t going to talk about the whole situation at all?” Louis asked surprised, looking over to Ben and Robert accusingly.

Liam shook his head, “D-didn’t… just mentioned her”

“Oh… damn…” Louis replied, sounding sad, “Because of yesterday?”

Liam nodded, “And… t-the call”

“Oh god, I am so glad Josh convinced you to block her on your phone” Zayn muttered with a sigh.

“It’s okay… I’m fine… I just… needed a hug, I think?” Liam replied, “S just a lot”

“That’s an understatement, love” Louis chuckled softly, “We can give you all the hugs you need or want”

Liam smiled softly at him. The three boys sat together for a little while until Paul mentioned that they had another interview lined up and Harry and Niall were waiting for the two of them.

“Can I stay?” Louis spoke up, surprising them all as they had decided in advance that Liam should do this alone. Zayn had already gotten up from his seat and was on his way to the door.

“If Lou gets to stay, I want to stay too” Zayn protested.

“I said it first!” Louis told him immediately with a smirk.

Ben replied first, “If Liam is alright with it, I don’t care if either of you stays”

“If you don’t want to, it’s fine” Louis told Liam sincerely, knowing that sometimes he’d rather need space.

“No, stay, please” Liam shook his head, looking pleadingly, “It’s… easier”

Paul said, “Alright, but I need three in the other interview, so you are still leaving, Zayn”

“Hah! I won” Louis smirked as he yelled at Zayn who protested loudly as he was led out of the room.

Ben asked if Liam was alright to continue now and made Louis sit behind the camera out of sight, before taking his previous seat again and giving the signal for the team to start rolling again. He started up the conversation, shortly repeating what they had talked about so far before the break.

“What made you change your mind after this incident to actually press charges this time?” Ben asked him.

“I didn’t want to, but management literally made me” Liam told him with a soft shrug, “I wouldn’t have done a thing about it because I didn’t want them to get angrier at me… I would also have protested it more if Niall hadn’t been hurt as well. It wasn’t just me that they went after this time and that actually freaked me out a little, so I was a little more okay with that, I guess. And even if I didn’t… the boys wanted to”

Liam could hear Louis mutter something under his breath, and glanced at him, seeing him smile at him.

“Did anything else happen until the day of your last concert of your tour?” Ben asked.

Liam seemed confused, “Well… a lot of things happened? But… like with them? Not really? I think?”

He could see Louis shake his head behind the camera and mouth something at him.

“Liam?” Ben asked again as he watched the silent exchange between the two boys, then sighed, “Just for the record, Louis is behind the camera and is trying to tell Liam something, I think”

Louis laughed at that and got up from his seat, leaning in front of the camera so his face was up close and the only thing in the shot, “Hey everyone, Liam forgot about some messages from these a-bleep, bleep. I already got in trouble for swearing today. So, I tried to remind him”

“What did you say?” Liam wanted to ask with a grin, but Louis grimaced, “Not going to make the same mistake twice. It was live and Paul was not amused”

“If you are done, could we get back to the questions?” Ben was shaking his head at the two.

“Right, well, I didn’t see them again until that day” Liam replied, “But what Lou meant was… I got really weird scary messages from Jason for the rest of the tour. They were pretty graphic and threatening not only me but Niall as well… freaked me really out, because… of some details… I don’t really… I never replied or anything, just kind of stopped looking at my phone for a while”

Louis spoke up from behind the camera, “Liam is playing it down, they freaked us all out. We showed them to our security guard and he immediately increased security and everything. They are evidence now as well”

“Louis, if you keep interrupting, I’ll have you leave again. This is for the fans to hear Liam’s opinion” Ben scolded Louis in a playful tone, but Louis knew he was being serious and apologised promising to be quiet.

Liam said, “It’s true, though… what he said… I sometimes forget details and things all together… I’ve been having a hard time remembering stuff in this interview to be honest… So… sorry if I forget something”

“That is fine, Liam, don’t worry about it” Ben explained, “You’ve been doing great”

“Is that why you are the least on social media of the band as well? Because you just never used your phone?”

Louis scoffed behind the camera but immediately looked guilty and scared, apologising silently as Liam cleared his throat, “I don’t know? Maybe… but I never was one to post much, so… I’m not sure”

Ben smiled, “So there were no interactions between you and Michael and Jason until the restaurant?”

Liam nodded, “Yeah… I didn’t see them or anything and we had gotten the restraining order through, so I was actually feeling a lot better since I had gotten a new phone and no messages anymore. I’d been doing physical therapy for my collar bone still, but it was much better and honestly, I didn’t expect to see them again at all”

“But you did?” Ben asked gently and Liam nodded, his mind and heart starting to race as he thought back to that afternoon.

He weirdly felt his arm and leg burn with phantom pains as he remembered the knife. It felt real even if it was only a memory. Just like his collarbone and arm suddenly felt a lot sorer than before and he knew he was breathing flatly now, his heart rate speeding up. The anxiety and fear of thinking back to that day was creeping up on him and he felt hot and cold again. He had known this would happen, it always did in therapy as well, when they touched that topic. While he also knew how to try and keep calm, talking through this anyway, it was a different setting. Therapy sessions were a safe space while this would go out into the world, adding just enough pressure on his shoulders to make things that much harder.

“Yeah” he softly said, knowing that his voice was wavering a little as he continued, “We were having lunch with the band and a few people from our crew before the last show. We had a separate room and security with us, since we usually attract people when we go out, no matter where, especially when it is all of us together. I went to the bathroom alone and when I was just about to leave it again the door opened, and Jason just walked in with Michael…”

Liam stopped talking for a moment, taking a deep breath, remembering the look on their faces and the feeling of pure panic when he had spotted the knife.

“I don’t remember the details… I know Jason had a knife and that all I tried was to stay upright, because once you are down you don’t get back up with them. I learned that during school, I couldn’t let them push me to the floor, that was the mistake I made the last time when they got me. If I had managed to stay on my feet, I usually can fight back” Liam was talking fast now, sounding upset and scared as he explained, trailing off a little, before continuing, “I almost got to the door, I know that but then I was on the floor and I think he got my leg then… I think people saw that I had a cut on my leg and arm, right?”

Ben nodded, “There are pictures, yes”

“Right… right… I don’t… I don’t know how I got back up, but I got out of the door and after that I know nothing anymore, not until like a day or two later” Liam explained quietly, sounding apologetic and still so scared, he added after a few shaky breaths, “Louis told me a little about what happened afterwards, like the hospital and the concert and stuff, but I don’t really remember it myself, so I can’t tell you much”

“So, you don’t know why they did what they did? They didn’t yell at you or talk to you” Ben asked him, and Liam shook his head.

“No, they did” Louis interjected gently, adding a soft, “Sorry”

“What?” Liam sounded actually surprised at that as he looked at Louis with wide and glassy eyes. He was slowly becoming emotional and it was taking all of his mental strength to not flee the room right now.

“We talked with Natalie about it, remember? They were yelling and raging and saying things which you didn’t remember either, but we told you about it a little” Louis explained gently.

Liam frowned for a moment but then nodded, “Right, yeah, you said something but I just… didn’t believe you?”

“Yeah, you said something like that” Louis replied, looking at Ben, “Sorry for interrupting, but the things they said to him and us before they could be arrested were basically the same as what they said in their police statements. Liam didn’t read them and hasn’t felt the need to read them, so he doesn’t know”

Liam nodded slowly while Ben frowned, “Why not? Don’t you want to know why they did what they did?”

Liam shook his head quickly and determined.

“Won’t you have to know it for the court date that is coming up? You had to move some tour dates for that as well, right?” Ben asked then.

Liam sighed and nodded, “Probably… I don’t, honestly, I don’t know how I will do that at all… I only found out yesterday, like the rest of the world as well and… it was unexpected, it wasn’t supposed to happen until after tour and I’m still working through some stuff… I don’t think I can deal with that just yet”

“Do you mind explaining what you are working through?” Ben asked carefully and Liam seemed torn, looking actually scared this time. He had planned to talk about these things, he had wanted to, but he already felt so tired and drained. Liam looked up at Louis, not even sure what he was looking for, but he felt like he needed the older one to tell him what to do. Louis decided to just ignore the orders he previously got and got up to sit next to his friend, pulling him a hug.

Louis softly whispered, “You are okay, Liam, you are doing amazing and if you don’t want to talk about this right now you can back out. We can move on”

“I’m tired” Liam simply said.

“I know, we are going to take a nap after this, and you can relax. You’ll be okay, we love you” Louis told him in the same hushed voice, still holding him close and he could feel Liam nod against him and went to pull back, as the younger one quickly asked, “Stay here”

“Sure” Louis now said more loudly and pulled back from the hug, leaving an arm around his friend’s shoulder, “Sorry Ben, I’m staying”

“That’s alright, we can just move on, Liam, if you don’t want to talk about this” Ben told Liam once again who shook his head.

“P-people already know that I have like… panic attacks and stuff and apparently I’ve had anxiety all my life and what happened made it a lot worse, like really bad. Sometimes I have panic attacks that make me pass out and that is really scary… I’m doing therapy right now to deal with that and I’m on anxiety medication right now as well… It’s just… a lot and I don’t know if people knowing that will make things worse for me or not… I also… Fans have been guessing that one for a while now, especially after I was in the hospital again the last time… like, it was pretty bad then… I had developed like… an eating disorder? It got really bad and I kept like… passing out and it made me sick and honestly… I’m still struggling a lot with that” Liam managed to explain, his voice cracking twice as he tried to keep calm, but he actually felt like passing out at the same time. He was glad Louis had kept his arm around him and was a strong pressure against his side, telling him he was there.

“How long have you been in therapy and on medication?” Ben wondered and Liam frowned.

“I started the therapy thing on tour because my dad was worried about the panic attacks… but I didn’t really do it, didn’t want to and honestly tried lying my way through it just to get him off my case. After the last concert… things got really bad and I couldn’t… I couldn’t… deal with things as well as I liked to thing I did. Back then I was pretty mad at being pressured into it, but it did help… alone knowing that I did have anxiety helped, since I didn’t even know what it was before.”

Louis noticed that Liam definitely had tears in his eyes now and he was walking faster again, trying to get through it, his breathing speeding up again as well. Liam continued though,

“I didn’t start the meds until after I was in the hospital for passing out and being underweight and stuff again… I never wanted to take them even though I was advised to… but things weren’t getting better and… I honestly scared myself with that one. After that I wasn’t allowed to work at all. Before I had started going to the studio and started writing with the boys again, but our team didn’t let me back in until I was starting to get better. I was really mad about that and… even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t have been able to physically. Once I did start to go back to the studio with them, I only managed to do a few hours before passing out in exhaustion”

“Liam, that sounds horrible, why did you not take off more time?” Ben asked with wide eyes. Liam just shook his head, taking a shuddering breath.

Louis jumped in, not caring that this was supposed to be an interview only by Liam, “We tried that, but at the same time we couldn’t just keep him holed up in the flat all day. It wouldn’t have been healthy either to just be alone all day as well and recording and writing is fun to us, not work. We didn’t let him go to any meetings or do interviews because of that but let him do what we all love.”

“Why didn’t you go back home, Liam?” Ben asked, not realising that he was touching a sensitive subject. Louis glared at him immediately and Ben looked guilty and tried to move on, but Liam was already leaning forward, elbows on his knee and face hiding in his hands.

“Liam’s dad was in London with us, so no need to go home” Louis simply said, his arm tightening around Liam again.

“When did you decide you were ready for tour again?” Ben asked instead, trying to move the conversation on.

Liam was obviously not alright, as his voice was rough and barely audible as he said, “I didn’t… decide”

“I think we should take another break” Ben said, waving at the camera man again, before apologising, “I’m so sorry, Liam, I didn’t realise where I was going with that question. I know you don’t want to talk about your mother”

Louis sighed, “It’s fine, can you give us a few moments to just calm down again?”

Ben nodded and cleared out the room, leaving the two boys alone. Liam was still in the same position, his entire frame trembling now as Liam just pulled him close against his chest, whispering gently words, reminding him he was safe and loved. They stayed like that until Louis could physically feel the trembles slow down and stop and Liam’s breathing evened out a little more, still he kept on talking softly to him, until Liam finally moved to sit up, wiping at his face.

“I’m ‘kay” he mumbled, still rubbing at his face.

“I thought for a second you’d end in a panic attack, are you sure you want to continue this? You’ve said enough, we can stop now” Louis told him gently, keeping his arms around his friend. Liam nodded, “I n-need to”

“Okay, I’ll be here if you need me at all. Should I go get Ben back in here?”

“C-could you get me my sling first? Need to wear it or Katie will be mad” Liam asked, moving up and away from Louis who got up with a nod. The oldest band member grabbed the sling from Liam’s bag on the table and looked out the door, calling for Ben before returning to Liam. He helped the boy putting on the sling as Ben got settled and they started rolling again.

“You only have to wear that for a certain amount of time now, right?” Ben asked curiously nodding towards the sling.

“Kind off… I had to wear it like all the time, even to sleep and now I can take it off during the night and am supposed to wear it during the day when I am moving around a lot. My physical therapist said I can take it off if I’m not hurting or doing much and actually need to start using it again to regain strength and all that”

“That means you are hurting right now, since you put it on?” Ben asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Uhm, yeah, I probably should be wearing it more than I am lately”

“Probably?!” Louis laughed, throwing his head back, “Katie is yelling at you each session that you are pushing yourself too much… probably… I’ll tell her you said that”

Liam groaned, “I’m not pushing too much, just the right amount, right on the edge of too much!”

Louis laughed again while Liam blushed a little embarrassed, “Well, yeah, so that covers the question, right?”

“Yeah, of course, we are almost through with these as well. Fans would only like to know what you expect from the court hearing and they want to know what will happen to these Australian shows”

“Well, the shows will be pushed back. Our team is working on it right now and we’ll tell the fans as soon as everything is finalised.” Liam answered the easy part first, then sighed, “I don’t really expect anything… I just… We talked about how I never really cared to press charges myself and never wanted to do this… so I don’t expect much, since… Louis and the boys don’t like when I say this… but I don’t like it that their lives could get ruined by this… just because of me. I mean, I still feel, like it’s not really worth all the hassle. I’m just there and they had pretty great things going for them and now they are in jail because I got them mad enough to do stupid things”

Liam was right, Louis looked upset at that and he knew that would happen, but it was the truth about how he felt. Ben didn’t look happy either and that was something Liam hadn’t expected.

“You are getting better now, though, right? We never got around to answering how or when you decided you were ready for work again, for tour to be specific” Ben asked instead of commenting on his answer.

“I said I didn’t decide. I would have jumped back on tour the second the last one ended to be honest, I really wanted to, but Paula and Robert, our security guard and manager were in contact with my therapist and doctor who pretty much had the final say. It was depending on my broken collarbone healing well enough and me being underweight the most, I think? I usually didn’t listen to these conversations because I was busy being mad that they wouldn’t let me work yet. I still am underweight and stuff, but not as much. I wouldn’t have made it through a show a few weeks back, physically, and the first few really were a lot and had me exhausted still, even though I am allowed to go on runs now again and do little work outs again”

“Liam is not the best at following instructions, though. When Katie tells him, he can do a run for like I don’t know twenty minutes he does a sprint instead, for twenty minutes which is different”

“It’s not and it wasn’t-“

“Seriously?” Louis asked, “We are not having this conversation again, Liam!”

Liam just shrugged, unable to hide the smirk on his face.

“Right, if you two are done then I only have one last thing to talk about. Do you want to talk about your change of management?”

Liam frowned, “Well… the boys pretty much explained the reasons behind it in the interviews they did without me. What would you want to know?”

“Just wondering whether you felt the same about how you were treated there and if you overall feel the same way as the boys. They mentioned that one of the main factors was how you and Niall were forced to perform even though you were injured for example” Ben explained his question further.

“Oh, well, I think what they said was right. I didn’t mind the schedule and stuff back then, but it was a lot and only now seeing the difference I realise how exhausting it was. It was just too much but back then I thought that was normal, so I don’t really know. I know that Niall and Harry were literally scared of most of our management team back then and I didn’t like that, and Louis and Zayn always were upset after dealing with them and now it is so different”

“Were you forced to perform even though you were injured?”

“No, well, I don’t think so. I know Niall didn’t feel up to it, so I didn’t like that he had to do this. I just didn’t want to let people down, so I still wanted to perform and was actually upset when I wasn’t allowed that one week. I mean, they gave me a week off”

“A week for an injury that usually gets you out of work for at least a month” Louis muttered.

“I just wanted to perform, but we did talk about how I was also developing an eating disorder at the same time and had panic attacks and really bad anxiety. So… I don’t really know if I was ever the one to judge that stuff… I’m still not sure if I can objectively judge things.”

“He’s not. We are working on getting him to see that when he doesn’t want Niall or Harry to do something, he shouldn’t be doing it either” Louis supplied again.

“Are you still in contact with Simon and how do you feel about the things he has been saying about you lately?” Ben asked them then.

“Huh? He’s talking about us?” Liam turned to Louis who grimaced.

“You don’t talk about this? Like inside the band?” Ben looked surprised.

“I have no idea what you are talking about… I haven’t spoken to him since the tour” Liam shrugged.

Louis started to explain, “We talked to him right after, trying to explain ourselves, but things went pretty south. He didn’t listen and just kept yelling and insulting us until we stopped trying and left it at that. He left Liam some nasty messages which we deleted while he was still recovering from that night… I told you about it the next day, remember?”

Liam nodded; he did remember that.

“Well, ever since he has been bashing us in the media and stuff. We blocked him on our private phones because some messages were just too far, and we didn’t need that in our lives at that point. We had enough on our plate with what happened. We were advised by our team to not engage in any fights or respond in any way and we’ll actually have to talk about this part and maybe take it out later, if it could be taken the wrong way. We never wanted to seem ungrateful for what he had done, but there was just a point on tour where it was too much, and we couldn’t continue. And despite that we did had to go behind his back to get the change of management through, we didn’t deserve what he said to us afterwards”

Liam nodded, “Yeah… I get why he’d be angry at me. Before all of this I was doing the most communication between us and the management team and Simon always told me that I have to be the responsible one and take care of things or the band would fail. I knew I messed up and disappointed him after Louis and Zayn took over most of that when I got hurt”

“On that note… I think this is all I have today. Is there anything you want to add or elaborate on?” Ben asked.

“No… not really? I mean… I’m sorry I didn’t say anything further, but while most of these were happening, I didn’t even know what was going on myself and had to first figure things out a little myself” Liam explained, apologetic.

Ben then ended the interview and thanked Liam and Louis for doing this. After the cameras stopped rolling, Liam let himself fall against Louis who wrapped his arms around him a few tears escaped the younger boy.

“Don’t cry, you did great” Louis whispered, wiping the few tears away gently.

Liam nodded, he knew things went well and he was relieved about finally getting it done but also anxious about how it would turn out or how it would be received by the media and fans.

Ben stayed to talk to them for a little while before Robert showed up and he said his goodbyes before leaving. Their manager made sure Liam was alright first before saying, “The boys have one more thing to do for a magazine, it’d be great if you could join them at least, Louis. Liam, if you really want to, you can, but if not, we’ll take you back to the tour bus and you can relax for the rest of the day until the show tonight. I’d be more comfortable if you went ahead back to the arena”

Louis nodded, “Sure, I can do that. Liam you are going to the bus, right?”

Liam sighed, “If Josh is there I will”

“Call him then and ask. He’s probably waiting for you to come back” Louis told him with a little smirk, and it turned out he was right. Josh was waiting outside the band’s tour bus when Liam arrived with Paddy who had taken him back while Robert and Paul stayed with the rest of the band. He started walking towards Liam quickly when he spotted him and met him more than halfway there.

“Hey, sunshine” Josh said softly as he held Liam in his arms the second, he was close enough.

“Hey” Liam replied in just as much of a gently voice himself, letting himself be held and melting against his boyfriend’s chest. Paddy followed them until they were safely on the bus and Josh didn’t waste any time in pulling Liam along to the bunks. Liam didn’t even protest when Josh insisted on helping him change in some more comfortable clothes and take off his sling before making him climb into his bunk, following right behind. With the small bunk, it was inevitable for them to be pressed close together and once again, Liam found himself half on top of Josh, his head on the older boy’s chest.

“How do you feel?” Josh asked, whispering before leaning down and kissing the top of Liam’s head.

“Weird” Liam replied, sounding confused, “Tired”

“How did it go?” Josh followed up.

“Okay… I think… Louis was there for the second part… wanted him to stay after a break” Liam said, sounding sad at that.

“Yeah? That’s nice… and the questions were alright?” Josh wanted to know as well.

“Most of them… I couldn’t… talk about my mum, like, not even mention her… that… was bad” Liam sighed.

“I’m glad Louis was there for some time at least. I know you wanted to do it on your own, but I still feel like you did” Josh said, “I’m really proud of you and I can’t wait to see it”

Liam turned his head a little, so he could look up at Josh and smiled at him widely.

“Sunshine” Josh just commented with a gentle smile, “I love it when you smile, lights up the whole world”

“Sap” Liam commented but his expression never changed, “Can we nap now, or do you have more questions?”

Josh chuckled slightly and shook his head, “Go to sleep, love”

“I love you, Josh” Liam said as he closed his eyes and cuddled closer to Josh even if that was barely even possible. It didn’t take much for him to actually fall asleep and he did not wake up until later, when voices grabbed his attention and ripped him from his deep slumber. Louis was definitely yelling, he noticed, unwilling to open his eyes just yet but there were more voices than that.

It got harder to hang on to the last moments of sleep when he was moved around suddenly. Right, Josh was with him when he had fallen asleep and it seemed like the older boy was moving now. Sure, enough the warmth beneath him vanished and Liam found himself alone in the bunk only managing a soft groan and, “Nooo”

It either was too quiet for Josh to hear or he ignored him on purpose. Liam was too tired to figure out which it was as he let his head sink further into his pillow, being engulfed in darkness again.


	16. Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter left after this... Hope you like it.
> 
> I have two more Liam-Centric stories in work currently but it will take a little while for me to post them since I am also working on my Bachelor thesis in Automotive Engineering and Management, so watch out for those if you liked this story. 
> 
> Final Chapter only needs to be proof-read, so that won't take much longer.

Next time he woke up, it was on his own, he realised disappointedly, having hoped that he’d only dreamt that Josh had left. He felt less confused and more alert instantly as he sat up slowly and rubbed at his eyes. Pulling back the curtain he could hear a few soft voices at the front of the bus and got up slowly.

Niall, Zayn and Harry were sitting at the table at the front of the bus talking to each other and looked up at him when he stumbled his way to the front.

“Josh?” he asked his friends simply as he walked over to where Zayn sat and practically fell into the older boy’s lap.

“We just got back from sound check. He went to get changed I think” Zayn smiled at him as he hugged him, “Someone woke up alone and is not happy, huh?”

“No” Liam simply agreed, eyes dropping closed again as he held on to Zayn.

“Don’t get too comfortable, we need to get ready for the show soon and grab something to eat for you as well” Harry told him amusedly and Liam just sighed, his grip tightening around Zayn who started to laugh. Liam reluctantly let himself be pulled up from his seat a little while later. After getting something to eat before the show they got ready and soon found Louis who had been hanging around the stage on the phone. The band soon showed up as well and the first thing Liam did, was let go of Zayn and rush over to Josh who caught him in a hug.

“You left!” Liam pouted and hit Josh gently in the shoulder.

“Yeah, Josh, that was not a nice thing to do!” Niall called out from quite a few meters away.

“But don’t worry, Zayn stepped in as pillow!” Harry added with a laugh standing closer and grinning at them widely when Liam blushed, and Josh started to chuckle.

“I’m sorry sunshine, but I had to go to sound check” Josh explained, leaning in to kiss a still pouting Liam gently, “Love you, but I have to go now, or the show won’t start”

Liam sighed sadly again but let him go. The show went over well, even though Liam felt a little off still, the interview lingering in the back of his mind and the mental exhaustion making him tired. Weirdly enough it also threw him off when he had woken up without Josh unexpectedly.

He cuddled with his bandmates as much as was acceptable on stage, sitting as close as possible during slow songs and randomly hugging Zayn and Louis in passing. They each had a fixed time to speak to the crowd and to joke and mess around as well. During these times he snuck up to Josh and after the second time he was already standing up and waiting for Liam to run up to him for a quick hug and kiss. When it was Harry’s time to speak, Liam lingered around a little longer, not wanting to pull back from the embrace yet.

He was too caught up in Josh to notice that the boys were waiting for him to show back up again. Only when Louis yelled, “Liam, quit snogging lover boy and get your ass back here”

The injured boy was blushing bright red when he made his way down to the main stage again. Meanwhile Niall had launched into an explanation, “You guys should know that Liam gets grumpy when he wakes up alone and Josh just left him this afternoon when they were taking a nap and now, he’s a little clingy”

“Shut up, please” Liam groaned and whined. Luckily the band was starting the next song and before they knew it, they were running off the stage again.

When they were back at the bus later that night, Liam was the first to retreat to his bunk, surprised when only minutes later his curtain was pulled back and Josh was smiling widely at him, “Hey love”

Liam frowned, “What are you doing here? The busses are rolling soon”

“Move over, love, I’m staying the night to make up for leaving you. The boys are fine as long as we don’t do anything but sleep” Josh explained as he climbed into the bunk, “I don’t think they’d like it if we did it all the time but occasionally”

Liam smiled, “I like that”

“I knew you would” Josh smirked, “You were rather clingy today, are you okay?”

Liam nodded, “Yeah, just wanted hugs… that’s okay, right?”

“More than okay, I definitely wasn’t complaining, love. I love when you are clingy, love holding you”

“Love that too” Liam nodded with a yawn escaping him tiredly.

“Let’s sleep, alright? I’m so tired” Josh replied as he was slowly coming down from the adrenaline of the show as well. The next morning, they slept through the whole morning and were only woken up because Zayn got worried about Liam missing breakfast. The day before must have really taken a lot out of Liam as he had slept this long even though he had taken a nap the day before already. After a light breakfast they headed towards the arena and hung out backstage. They were performing in a new city but most arena layouts were similar enough, so they found their way around it. After a quick round of football where Liam was happy to be able to participate again, they got lunch in the city before returning for sound check again.

It was not even a week later when Liam got a phone call from Robert. He had been relaxing with Josh after having another PT session where he had ended up pushing himself maybe just a little too much and gotten Katie upset with him. In turn that got Liam frustrated and anxious while scaring him as well. The session was cut short when Katie saw him tremble through their next exercise and had taken it upon herself to call Josh to walk Liam back to the bus, not wanting to leave him alone.

She was still berating Liam, when his boyfriend entered the room without knocking, “… I’m serious this time, Liam, you can’t just up the weights or increase the time every time I turn my back. You’ll end up hurting yourself”

Josh saw that Liam was uncomfortable, feeling guilty and frustrated at the same time, “What were you thinking, sunshine?”

Liam glared at him as Katie chuckled, “He wasn’t thinking at all which is why he is hurting now and will be hurting later even worse probably, unnecessarily. Try and get him to rest before the show, alright?”

Josh nodded, promising to do so before throwing his arm around Liam’s waist and leading him back to the bus.

“The boys still in that meeting?” Josh asked softly and smiled when Liam nodded, “Great, let’s go to you lads’ bus then”

Liam was just walking up the steps when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and stopped walking to answer it, Josh running right into his back, sending him almost face first into the floor, if his boyfriend didn’t have as quick reflexes. Both of them ended up tangled into each other on the steps.

“Ow” Liam stated after a second of silence, his phone still vibrating in his hand and a grimace on his face. He still answered the call, taking a moment to free his arm that was beneath Josh’s back.

“Hello?” he asked, his voice matching his expression.

“Liam?” Robert asked, sounding worried, “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, fine… just fell on the bus” Liam replied, trying to sit up at the same time as Josh, both managing to tumble into each other, letting out another gasp.

“You what?!” Robert almost shouted.

“Josh caught me, well, mostly, but he also made me fall, so… we are fine, just, like, wait and let me get off the floor” Liam mumbled into the phone as him and Josh finally got up without hurting each other. Liam flopped down in one of the seats at the front of the bus with Josh moving on a few steps to make some tea.

“Sorry, Robert, what did you want?” Liam talked into the phone while watching Josh work, nodding when asked whether he wanted some tea as well.

“I got in the final and edited video of your interview” Robert stated, continuing after a short pause, “We got the other boys’ interviews in yesterday and it was done pretty quickly. I want you to watch it and see if we need to change anything. We’ll announce it on social media as soon as we get your approval and mention it in your next interview before releasing it. Like we said, we want it to get traction and get out there to get the rumours to die down”

“I have to watch it?” Liam asked, his voice barely more than a whisper.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to… but while I tried to do everything like you want to… there might be some things you want to take out after taking a step back and you might not like what the boys said…” Robert explained.

“I need to think about it…” Liam said, looking up when Josh sat down two teacups on the table and sat down next to him, pushing him one seat further in the process.

“That’s alright, no pressure, just let me know as soon as you know. I sent it to you, so feel free to watch it or not” Robert told him gently before hanging up.

“What did he want?” Josh asked curiously and nodded empathetically as Liam explained it to him.

The couple sat together for a while just talking softly and drinking their tea. Once their cups were empty Josh nudged Liam, “Let’s take a nap”

“Nah” Liam just replied, shaking his head, “Need to shower first. I went running before PT”

“Does Katie now that?” Josh frowned at Liam who just shrugged, wincing in regret just seconds later. Josh shook his head at him in disappointment but let him go shower before pulling him into his bunk despite his protests and pushing some light pain meds in his hand followed by a water bottle.

“Do not even dare to protest, you are hurting yourself, Liam” Josh glared at him, waiting until his now guilty looking boyfriend had taken the medication and settled down next to him. They cuddled together as Josh threw the blanket over both of them as Liam turned around to close the curtain. It was only a quick nap as Liam woke up barely half an hour later, feeling a lot better already. He wasn’t hurting as bad as before and enjoyed having some alone time with Josh who was still asleep. Again, it didn’t take long for Liam to accidentally wake up Josh since lying still was never easy these days. He always felt the need to move around or do something.

“Why are you awake, love?” Josh’s voice was rough and still laced with sleep.

“I just am” Liam sighed, turning around again, “Will you watch the video with me? I might freak out a little, though?”

Josh nodded, muttering a soft, “Sure”

His face was buried in Liam’s hair and his eyes still closed, making Liam wonder whether he was actually asleep or not. He still left his bunk, despite Josh’s groans of protest to receive his laptop. After finding the right mail with the video, Liam actually hesitated to start it. He wasn’t sure whether he liked what he was going to see.

“What are you waiting for, sunshine?” Josh’s voice startled him this time and he looked to his side, seeing the older boy a little more alert now. Instead of contemplating things more than he already had, he just quickly pressed start. Liam hadn’t seen himself on film in a while and it was weird. He looked a little sick, pale and there were dark circles beneath his eyes. The shirt and jacket he was wearing were seemingly too big as well. Next to Ben he looked like a child. After seeing the first two questions, through which Liam couldn’t help but be cringing, he skipped through his own parts, knowing what he was saying, only stopping when one of his bandmates appeared on screen.

After Liam answered the question about, he felt to be put into the band and had mentioned his fight with Louis, the other four boys appeared on screen, giving their opinion on that. Louis was the first to speak, “Yeah, the both of us did not get along at first. It was really affecting the band, but we didn’t realise it at that time, because neither dared to speak up since we didn’t know each other that well. Instead, we let it all bottle up until it exploded. It was a stupid thing; Liam was a little off during one of the rehearsals and I snapped at him as he was like five minutes late. Because he had been upset with me for being like half an hour late a few times before, which was… honestly a little bit of an asshole move by me.”

Zayn added, “We later found out, he was only late because he had a panic attack about being off in rehearsals before. Which we never even guessed would happen, made us feel pretty guilty as well, we should have seen that something was wrong then”

Ben nodded at that, “Liam said you thought he was judging you because he didn’t like your eating habits and stuff?”

“Because of his kidney” Niall nodded, “It was a honest misunderstanding. He thought we hated him for not doing what we did, which we didn’t we just didn’t understand why. At the same time, we thought he was judging us for anything we did even though he just wanted to be healthy and professional”

Harry smiled, “But I’m glad you guys ended up fighting, because otherwise he’d never gotten upset enough to tell us, probably. Even if you trying to prank him with alcohol was a dick move”

“I’m sorry, alright, I definitely wasn’t thinking” Louis held up his hands in defence.

“It’s fine, we didn’t know the reason he didn’t drink anything was a medical thing” Zayn assured him, “And we’ve since made up, so no need to worry about the band or anything. We are literally best mates now”

“Yeah, we all went home a while ago for a week and it was horrible, cause I missed them all so much” Niall nodded, sounding sad and Harry agreed, “Yeah, we spend so much time together even when we are not working, it’s crazy”

The video jumped back to Liam’s interview where he skipped through most parts again. Next, they showed the boys’ reaction to Liam coming back injured from his visit with his sisters.

Harry looked genuinely upset when he talked, making Liam feel guilty, “He didn’t even tell us, and we didn’t notice. Not until a day later where Jason and Michael showed up at the arena and Jason hit him. A fan caught it on camera which was how we found out. Liam had tried to play it off as an accident before. It was really bad, we downplayed it for the fans because honestly, no one needed to know that, but he was really beat up”

Zayn put his arm around Harry who seemed to be choking up towards the end and continues, “The fans hacked all of his medical records by now, so everyone already knows just how bruised up he was and how messed up his knee was for a while… but… the words in the record don’t compare to seeing one of your best friends littered in bruises from head to toe. And the bruises on his sides were the worst, they had this stupid game…”

Ben nodded, interrupting, “Liam explained a little but didn’t want to get into it too much”

Zayn nodded as well, knowing he shouldn’t elaborate then, and Liam was thankful for that.

The next time the boys spoke was just before Liam started to explain what happened on their days off back at home. Ben had asked them about the same incident, but they didn’t actually answer, instead Zayn cursed under his breath, which caught the man’s attention.

Louis explained their rather unhappy expressions regarding that topic, “The thing with this is… we were doing really good at getting Liam to talk to us and at actually getting to be friends. He we even got him to hug us and then they had to go and hurt him again. It just really pissed us all off”

“Yeah” Niall added, “He finally got over that thing where he didn’t want to get used to us because he was scared, we’d just leave him again”

“He wasn’t scared, not really, he just… he was just preparing to be hurt again. Expecting it at all times. And we had to work hard to convince him otherwise.” Louis shook his head, disagreeing with the previous statement.

Ben didn’t know how to react to that at all, instead he waited a few moments to gather his thoughts and asked, “You were not supposed to be there at all that day, right?”

“No, he’d called Niall the day before and we knew he wasn’t feeling that safe or comfortable with the whole situation, so we just decided that we wanted to be there. We’ve seen the damage Jason and Michael were capable of and… it was one of the best spontaneous decisions we ever did” Harry explained, “You guys saw what happened”

“Yeah, by the way, I wanted to say something as well, to the fans, because it pisses me off” Zayn’s eyes darkened as he looked directly into the camera, “I get you want to know things and care about us and everything but hacking our medical records is just going too far. That’s personal and we do not want that information out there. Stop that, please”

The video moved on again, with Liam talking until after Ben had asked him whether he needed a break. The screen cut to the boys again, where Ben asked Niall how he felt about the whole situation and if he was alright, since he had been hurt again.

“Yeah, I’m fine, really, it was mostly annoying and hurt the first few days, but it wasn’t that bad” Niall shook his formerly broken wrist with a smile, “Can play the guitar just fine as well again, which is great”

“Liam was quite upset that you got hurt” Ben commented.

“Yeah, he still feels like it was his fault and I get it, we all feel a little protective over little Niall” Louis hugged Niall close, holding him like a child despite his protests.

“Liam was more worried about Niall the whole time even though he had broken his bloody collarbone and could barely think straight with the concussion. It scared us all, to be honest, especially because they came back and got Niall a second time the next day. We are all just so happy Liam wasn’t there when it happened.” Zayn continued.

Harry nodded, “Somehow they got him to believe that it was okay what they were doing because Liam was weird, and a freak and he deserved it. It’s not true, though and we are working on that mind-set with him. But he still doesn’t get that we want to keep him just as safe as we want Niall to be safe”

Again, it cut to Liam talking for a while, the next question for his bandmates was, “How did you boys experience the last concert of your tour?”

Neither of the boys was quick to answer this time. Surprisingly it was Niall that finally spoke, “It was scary, like really scary. We were just having lunch, talking and hanging out and then we heard something. At first, we didn’t realise it, but then we heard Liam call for Paul and we knew something was wrong. All I remember is following the boys out of the door. I saw Jason running out of the bathroom with a knife, trying to stab someone and Paul stopped him just in time as Paddy went to stop Michael who was just trying to get past Jason. Then I realised that it was Liam who he had been trying to stab. There was a lot of blood and Liam was just standing there for a moment, before he slid to the floor and… he didn’t react to Lou and Z who tried talking to him… they said he was in shock later…”

Niall had tears in his eyes again and Harry looked like he’d burst into tears any second now.

Louis then said, “Our band was with us, luckily and I told them to get Harry and Niall outside and calm them down, because they were freaking out a little. It was freaking us all out, but these two are pretty sensitive, like Liam is. Josh was crying, too, because we didn’t know what was happening and Liam wasn’t saying anything. Zayn and I tried to keep talking to him, but in the end, we couldn’t do much but try to stop the bleeding on his leg and arm and wait. The paramedics then came and yeah…”

“That must have been scary for you… did you find out what happened then?”

Zayn nodded, “Well, kind of, when we walked outside after the paramedics, Jason and Michael were just getting arrested by the police and they freaked when they saw Liam again. They were yelling and shouting and… saying disturbing things that I definitely don’t want to repeat. I’m just glad Liam managed to fight them off even with his injured arm. It set back his recovery but at least he’s alive, you know?”

Ben nodded, “Yeah, I get that. I think everyone is glad that Liam is still with us”

The man pointedly ignored Louis’ scoff that he tried to cover as a cough as soon as it left him. Zayn nudged him, making the thing even more obvious and Liam couldn’t help the cringe as he watched it, knowing exactly what they were thinking about.

“Liam said he barely remembers what happened?” Ben then stated.

“Yeah, it’s a shock and trauma thing or something and normal” Harry nodded, “We talked about it a little, though, once he was feeling a little better”

“That is good. How did you guys end up doing that concert?” Ben wanted to know.

“There were some real assholes at our management team” Louis just said, “And if Liam was here, he’d tell me I shouldn’t be so rude and that they were just doing their job which pretty much explains that”

“It really doesn’t Lou” Harry told him with a chuckle.

“He’s right, though” Zayn almost growled.

Niall sighed, “Well, after what happened… we had to call our manager, right? It’s a reasonable thing to do. We were still a the hospital, didn’t know what was wrong with Liam and pretty much told them that we were not able to make it to the show in time. Well, we were told that the four of us would have to be there with various threats thrown our way if we didn’t since we were physically fine. They also added that Liam should try to get there as well but wouldn’t be able to force them. Liam heard of that and decided he could make himself do the show. He didn’t want to disappoint them and felt he had to in some twisted stupid way I hate”

“Everyone could see that. You didn’t leave his side the whole night, right?” Ben nodded towards Niall who nodded again.

“There are enough videos out there of that night. You can see that neither of us was okay and Liam was definitely in no condition to perform, he couldn’t even walk on his own with how hurt he was. I don’t know how he got through the show or how we did it” Harry shook his head in disbelief while Louis and Zayn chose to not say anything, looking angry.

They moved on again and then the topic of Liam’s mental health came up. The boy watched as his friends’ expression all turned even sadder than before and he hated that.

“When did you notice that something was wrong with Liam’s eating habits?”

“Too late” Louis simply stated with a shrug.

“It was an impossible situation… there was a time where he barely could use either of his arms and we thought that was the only reason he was barely eating, because we believed him when he said so and I think he believed so himself. Before that we didn’t realise, but we were later told that he hadn’t been eating enough during the whole tour and we had no idea.” Zayn explained, his voice soft, “I mean… we maybe helped the whole process by being the idiots we were. While we knew Liam hates eating unhealthy, we still kept ordering junk food and going to fast food places where Liam would just grab a salad or something and we never realised that while we were stuffing our faces with pizza and burgers, he only ate a few leaves, literally”

“It never was intentional either” Harry added, “Just to make sure no one thinks that. Not from our side or his. It just happened and when we realised it was already too late. The worst thing for us was that… when it got really bad, we weren’t there”

“We were home with our families while his sisters had come up to spend some time with him in London when Josh called me, saying Liam passed out again and… yeah, that was scary again as well” Louis sighed, “Josh talked me out of coming back the second it happened, because his sisters and dad were there and our band as well. That were enough people but we still worried, you know? Liam is like our brother and… I hate to see him hurting”

“That’s what I was talking about before. We were gone for a week and things went to shit. I missed the boys and then Josh called and that made everything worse. We’ve practically been living together, mostly all sleeping together in the same flat for a while and it was just a lot to be alone again” Niall was now speaking, sounding upset.

“You guys live together?” Ben asked with a raised eyebrow.

“We all live in the same complex, have our own flats apart from these two who share one. Niall and Liam are on the same floor and I’m on the same floor with them” Zayn explained nodding towards Harry and Louis, “And after Liam got hurt, we just ended up hanging out together. It was easier to just stay there. Liam slept for almost two days after it happened, barely ate or talked and we just didn’t want to leave, so we stayed. And after that… we really didn’t go out much while we had some time off. Liam didn’t feel comfortable and was injured and we just wanted to stay close. But just before he was admitted for his eating disorder, we had gone back to our own flats mostly. We still hung out during the days, though”

“I mean, we live together on the bus right now as well, we are close, that’s not a secret” Louis shrugged.

Since they had veered from the initial question a little, Ben decided to get back to the topic, “How does the eating disorder and his anxiety affect you guys and your life on tour?”

“It doesn’t affect us like people might think. We don’t have any problems or disadvantages or anything” Louis glared at the man, knowing where the question was aiming.

Zayn nudged him and said, “Liam is doing much better now and even before we didn’t really care. We hate that he is struggling, that they hurt him bad enough to trigger this. But at the same time, all we do is be there for him if he has a bad day. Some days it’s harder than the others and we know eating is a task for Liam, not something he enjoys, yet, like we do. Some days that means he just needs some more time and other days we know he is quiet because his mind is racing at twice the speed it usually does when he feels anxious. Louis noises and lights trigger it sometimes and that’s just stuff we are aware off. It’s similar to Niall’s claustrophobia. We know what could trigger it and do our best to not let that happen. Sometimes we can’t and that hurts, but we just try to be there for them.”

“I can’t wait for the day Liam just starts eating something other than Oreos without thinking” Niall sighed dreamingly. Harry chuckled at that, then looked at Ben, “One of the only things we could get him to eat at times were Oreos”

“The only unhealthy thing he actually likes” Zayn laughed as well.

The screen cut again to Liam talking about Simon and their management before the boys get asked basically the same question, mostly repeating what Louis had already explained in Liam’s part. Then the interview ended.

Liam continued to stare at the screen, unable to comprehend everything he had just heard. It was a lot and too much, overwhelming him. He felt someone move next to him. Josh was still there, right. The laptop was closed and tossed to the side, Liam not even moving at all.

“Sunshine, love?” Josh’s voice was barely a whisper. Liam didn’t react, not until Josh’s hand came up to his face and Liam flinched violently, then gasped in pain. But all his boyfriend did was wipe at his cheeks with a soft, “Don’t cry, love, you are shaking”

Liam hadn’t realised that he was crying. He looked down at himself and his hands were indeed trembling. The boy watched as Josh grabbed his hands in his own and it felt strange, like watching it from the outside and not himself.

“Liam, sunshine, talk to me” Josh’s voice was almost a plea now.

Liam tried to move himself, tried to grab Josh’s hands back, to hold on to him, but his limbs weren’t obeying his thoughts. Instead, he felt a sob rip through him. He was definitely crying now, Liam thought as he was pulled in a tight embrace by Josh next.

Liam wouldn’t be able to tell Josh the reason for his emotional outburst if he asked. He technically knew what had been coming and there was no new information. But somehow, it got to him. Luckily Josh didn’t ask, he just held him and let him cry. He only stopped sobbing out of exhaustion, his body unable to form any more tears as he was panting as if he had run a marathon. Breathing was hard, not because of a panic attack, but because he was just physically out of breath after everything.

“You are okay, love, I’ve got you” Josh’s gentle voice was calming and relaxing. Liam sighed against his boyfriend’s chest, already feeling the pounding headache behind his eyes that was inevitable after crying like he did. His eyes and whole face felt sore and were still wet as well.

“I’m sorry” Liam croaked out after a while and Josh immediately hushed him, telling him, “No need to apologise. I love you”

Liam sighed again and only seconds later flinched violently when the door to the bus opened and a few sets of feet ran up the stairs loudly.

“LIAM! We are getting lunch, come on!” Louis’ voice called through the bus.

“LIAM! JOSH! Hurry up, I’m dying!” Niall added before Louis was even finished talking.

Josh sighed, wincing at the loud noise himself. Liam made no indication of moving any time soon, so he softly said, “Just a second, love”

He pushed Liam to the other side of the bunk gently, so he was on the side of the wall before leaning out of the bunk himself to be met with Liam’s four band members all waiting for them expectantly, “We need a few more minutes, you can go ahead, we’ll catch up”

Zayn looked at him weirdly for a second, before asking, “What were you guys doing in there?! We said not on the bus!”

Josh groaned, “God, no!”

He pulled back the curtain fully to reveal himself fully clothes still, Liam was hidden against his side, barely visible to the other boys. “Robert sent the final cut of the interview and we just need a minute, alright?” Josh sent them a meaningful glare and tried to pull back the curtain again to shut them out. Niall stopped him, though, climbing into the bunk, over Josh’s legs and threw himself on Liam, gripping him tight. “We love you, Liam, see you at lunch” Niall whispered, before pulling back and promptly managing to fall out of the bunk since they were definitely not designed for three people.

“Oof, that was a lot less space than I thought” Niall groaned, looking a little pale but otherwise fine.

“You are dumb, sometimes, Nialler” Harry laughed, pulling the blonde up as Louis then dragged both of them to the front of the bus, calling back to Josh, “Don’t take too long, boys!”

Zayn lingered around a little longer, looking torn before getting down on his knees to peek inside the bunk, “Are you okay, Liam? We can stay if you want us to… Do you want to bring some lunch back here?”

The sniffled, “M kay… sorry” did not do much to make Zayn feel better about leaving. Josh definitely saw that, promising, “I’ll text you guys in half an hour whether we’ll make it to lunch or not”

Zayn nodded, then got up again, saying, “Make sure he’s alright, please?”

Josh smiled, “Always”

With that the couple was alone again. Liam didn’t move for a few minutes and Josh let him be, cuddled against his side, his face hidden. All he did was move his hand over Liam’s back and sides in comforting movements. Sometime later, Liam started to wiggle around a little, seemingly uncomfortable before he grabbed Josh’s hand that was against his side, moving it up to hold it against his forehead with a sigh.

Josh chuckled, “What are you doing?”

Then frowned, “You are a little warm, are you getting sick?”

“Headache” Liam just croaked out, letting go of Josh’s hand as he tried to sit up, pointing to the other side of the bed, “C-can you give me my sling?”

“Today is not a good day, is it?” Josh replied as he handed the sling over and put it on Liam with minimal difficulty due to the little space inside the bunk, then asked, “Lunch?”

The both of them made it to lunch just half an hour after the others. Liam still looked rather absent, his face pale and eyes red while he seemed more passive again. Josh pushed him in a seat between Zayn and Harry gently, “Sit, I’ll get us something”

“Liam” Zayn said, putting his arm around the boy and pulling him against his side, “How are you feeling?”

Liam just sighed and turned further into Zayn, almost climbing in his lap in an attempt to cuddle close to him. Zayn just wrapped his arms around him, and held him close, “Feeling cuddly, huh?”

Liam just nodded against his chest, not even bothering to move when Josh put a plate down in front of him and sat opposite him at the table. Zayn let him be for a moment before pushing Liam away and towards his own seat again. Liam tried to hold on, but since he was wearing the sling, he only had his left hand to try and do so which equalled no strength at all compared to Zayn.

“You need to eat, babe” Zayn told him in his low calm voice and Liam pouted at him but moved to grab his fork. Josh was watching him as he was eating his own lunch and he knew that.

“Do you guys have anything planned after lunch?” He turned to look at the rest of the band. Louis and Niall were next to him with Harry on Liam’s other side, talking softly to each other. Louis nodded, “Yeah, two interviews. One is in person the other on the phone, they only need two of us for that one”

“Liam has a headache and Katie stopped their session because he was pushing too much again, and he went on a run without telling her” Josh told them. 

“I’m right here” Liam said, his voice still rough, but his glare sharp as it was directed at Josh.

The older boy wasn’t faced, though, just looked at Liam for a moment before returning to his lunch.

“Why do you do that to yourself, though?” Niall asked, sounding genuinely curious, “Running is worse than death! Why would you want to do that voluntarily!?”

“It helps” Liam just told him with a sigh, “Like… to clear my mind”

Niall shook his head in disbelief, “I doubt that, but whatever floats your boat, Li”

“No, not whatever floats his boat, Niall, not until Katie clears him” Louis hit him rather playfully but looked serious.

Paul saved Liam from the boys berating him even more and another discussion about that topic. He was growing tired of it. The security guard took in the scene in front of him and just asked, “We need to get to the interview, but if you need more time, we can get you like twenty more minutes”

“Yes, please” Josh replied, even though he wasn’t asked, and it earned him another glare from Liam.

“Stop that!” Liam told him, sounding rather upset at the whole thing, “Seriously, Josh, stop talking for me”

“Uh oh, trouble in paradise” Niall couldn’t help the comment escaping him with a little grin.

“Right, Liam, more time?” Paul now addressed the boy directly, who sent another glare to Josh, before shaking his head, “I’m done”

“Come on, Liam, don’t do that because you’re upset with Josh” Louis shook his head, glancing at Liam’s barely touched plate.

“I won’t be able to do it, even if I have more time. It’s not because of that” Liam just told him through gritted teeth, “Could you all stop that? I can speak for myself; you know?”

“I’ll be back in ten minutes, sort this out, whatever it is” Paul sighed with a shake of his head.

“What is going on, Liam?” Josh sighed as he looked straight at Liam with a confused expression.

“You keep talking like I’m not even there and I can talk for myself” Liam told him with a frown, “I know sometimes I can’t… but you need to stop babying me like that, all of you! You had no right to tell them about what I talked about with Katie!”

“Love, we didn’t realise that upsets you, honestly” Louis spoke up, looking as surprised as Josh.

Liam didn’t explain more, instead Niall spoke up, “Well, we can promise to try and stop that and Liam, you could just tell us before you get this worked up about things. We just didn’t realise you didn’t like that. Is that alright with everyone?”

All boys nodded towards him and Niall smiled, “Great, let’s go”

“Can you try and eat a snack after the interview, please?” Josh asked Liam as the other boys got up and Liam nodded.

“Thanks, I love you” Josh smiled at him, which made the younger one smile in return as well.

The band did a quick interview before returning to their dressing room. Harry and Louis were supposed to do a little interview over the phone while the other three were already getting ready for sound check. Liam was sitting on the sofa, trying to eat something while Niall and Zayn were running around the room and Robert was with Harry and Louis at the table, setting up the interview.

“Boys! Boys!” Robert called and the two youngest band members stopped running, looking at him like they were caught doing something forbidden.

“We are starting now, either be quiet or go outside” Robert told them with a chuckle and earned himself a few annoyed grumbles. Niall flopped down next to Liam, leaning against the older boy while Zayn walked over to the table to get himself some tea. Meanwhile the other two were already talking with Robert observing the interview.

Even with the three on the sofa talking to each other and whispering, Harry and Louis were not really disturbed and just answered the questions. Harry was just answering a lengthy question about one of their songs when a loud crash sounded through the room, followed by some yells, a thud and another crash.

“What the hell?” Louis breathed as the both of them turned around to find their three band mates on the floor. Liam was holding up his plate, miraculously not having spilled any while Zayn was soaked, his teacup in shards on the floor, as he yelled, “Niall, you idiot!”

Niall was laughing loudly, rolling on the floor and Liam dropped his plate on the floor as he reached out to stop him from rolling into the shards, “Niall! Stop!”

“What are you guys doing?” Louis asked with wide eyes while Harry seemingly remembered that they were in the middle of a live interview. He turned back around and explained, “Just for the sake of radio… Niall, Zayn and Liam are in the room as well and they were doing something… ? that ended with them on the floor and a fallen cup of tea?”

“That was hot tea, Niall, that hurt!” Zayn now yelled, sounding a little angry while Niall was still laughing and even Liam was slightly chuckling now.

Louis turned back around, “Yeah, they were messing around and being stupid. Liam saved Niall from falling into the shards, so at least one of them was thinking”

“I’m always thinking! They fell on top of me! I didn’t do anything!” Liam protested.

“Finish your lunch, Liam!” Zayn yelled as well, “It was all Niall’s fault!”

“Would you guys be so kind to shut up?!” Louis told them loudly with a laugh, “Some people are actually trying to work!”

“I wanted to! You guys told me to eat instead!” Liam told him with a pout which made the room laugh.

Robert just shook his head in disbelief, before saying in a quitter voice, hoping the phone wouldn’t pick up on that, “Why don’t you three go and bother Paul or the band for a while?”

Zayn and Niall shrugged, jumping to their feet and running from the room, Zayn chasing after Niall with a loud yell. Liam just sighed before slowly picking himself off the floor with a groan, moving on to clean up the mess his friends had left behind themselves. Louis and Harry found their way back to the interview, having to answer a few more questions about what just happened before returning to the actual questions. Once their time was up and they were done, Liam was just finishing up to throw away the shards of the teacup.

“What even happened?” Harry asked with a tired sigh as he got up to help Liam even though he was mostly done.

“I’m not sure. I think Niall wanted to play fight with Zayn who tried to move out of the way and next thing I knew was they were falling on top of me and pulled me to the floor with them, tea literally everywhere” Liam replied with a shake of his head.

“That was unnecessary” Louis laughed, “But definitely funny, let’s go to sound check”

When they got to the stage, Niall and Zayn were both hanging off of Paul who was just standing there trying to shake them off. Louis ran and immediately joined them, jumping on the man’s back as well with a yell. Liam just stood back with Harry, watching them. Harry had his phone out and was filming it.

“Did anyone give them energy drinks or coffee again?” Liam asked with a frown, “They’ll end up hurting someone if they keep going like this”

“Paul will tire them out, trust me” Harry just shrugged, “The fans will love them being idiots”

Meanwhile Paul had managed to shrug Niall off and was now working on getting Zayn off from him, deciding otherwise just moments later and grabbed Louis off his shoulder, before literally flinging him across the stage. Louis slid to a halt with loud laughs at the other end of the stage, yelling, “Do that again!”

Zayn saw that and let go on his own, falling backwards and joining Niall in rolling around the floor laughing.

“Hey sunshine, sorry, we are late” Josh startled him as he moved in to kiss him on the cheek, walking past him with his own bandmates on his tale as they each ran to their instruments. Liam smiled after him before Paul yelled at his band mates to get off the floor and to get started. Sound check was rather unprofessional that day, but Liam didn’t mind. They all had fun and he loved seeing the boys this happy.

After eating dinner and getting ready for the show they still had a few minutes to the show. Liam had taken it upon himself to find Josh in the dressing room of the backing band and trapped him on the sofa, despite not even being finished getting dressed. Josh didn’t seem to mind much as he barely protested before giving in and laying both of them down on the sofa to catch a quick nap. The fifteen minutes they were together until the show started was not enough, though, and Liam felt even less rested afterwards, as the both of them rushed to the stage, both finding their designated places just in time.

Liam didn’t necessarily feel bad during the show. He was fine, really, running around with the boys and having fun. It was rather surprising when he had ran away from Louis who had tried to dump the contents of his water bottle all over him and black spots appeared in his vision as he halted to a stop. The confusion it caused him was all the time Louis needed to catch up with him, drenching him in water. He felt himself swaying a bit but caught himself, shaking his head at Louis before making his way back to the centre of the stage, passing Harry who was running towards Niall with a mischievous grin as Liam’s solo started. He sang as he walked to get himself a towel and immediately felt nauseous when he bend down. He knew it showed in his voice, but he just played it off as if he was distracted with a smile, but now it was obvious something was wrong.

The second he was done singing, he ducked backstage, leaning against the wall for a moment to catch his breath before grabbing himself one of the sports drinks they had laying around everywhere. The boys just finished up the song without his backing vocals and Liam knew he had to get back out there. Louis was already running in his direction when he took a step onto the stage again and leaned in close, yelling, “You alright?”

Liam nodded slowly at first, but then shook his head, shouting back, “Got dizzy. Fine now!”

Louis looked concerned and torn between wanting to keep the show going and pulling Liam off stage as well. Instead, he motioned for Liam to stay where he was, running backstage himself. He returned with a banana, throwing it in Liam’s direction who fumbled to catch it with his left arm with a frown. Louis was now leaning in close again, “Eat or I’ll tell Paul”

Liam nodded dumbfounded and they both walked back out to the stage again, since they had been standing just at the passageway to getting backstage. Some fans probably had seen their exchange and it bothered Liam a little. Especially since the fans will make assumptions about it after seeing the interview.

The next song started, and Liam felt a little disappointed. He had been feeling alright and suddenly he wasn’t anymore. Luckily it was one of the few songs he didn’t have to start and slowly made his way up the stairs and ramps to where Josh was. Up there he watched Josh play with a soft smile while he slowly started to eat the fruit Louis had given him. He felt the dizziness return just as unprompted and seeing as he was up a lot higher than before and the edge was a lot closer as well, Liam hurried to sit down at the steps. He’d missed to sing the backing vocals and half of his solo as well, he realised belatedly and tried to make it up again during the rest of the song, even though he stayed seated where he was.

Josh was suddenly next to him, on his knees and one hand on his shoulder. The song had ended, and he heard Harry talking about his jokes in the background again.

“I don’t think I ate enough today” Liam turned to look at Josh with a grimace.

“Eat, let’s see if you feel better afterwards, the boys can stall a few minutes” Josh told him, arm around him. Zayn was running up the stairs towards them as well, stopping a few steps beneath Liam and looking at him worriedly, “Louis said you got dizzy!”

Liam nodded slowly, trying to focus on eating instead of actually answering. Now that he was sitting down, he really felt the headache he had.

“We can figure something out, if you need to stop” Zayn told him, looking doubtingly at him.

“Just… give me a minute or two” Liam told him as he finished the fruit and let the peel drop to the floor next to him. Josh kicked it off to the side, making sure no one would step in it. They waited almost five minutes for Liam to feel better before Niall came running towards them, “We need to move on!”

Liam nodded, “Okay, yeah, I am better, I think”

Niall pulled Zayn along to the front of the stage while Josh kept his hands on Liam, holding him steady and leading him down the stairs before handing him back his microphone. The older boy gave Liam a gentle kiss, before saying, “Be careful. Stop if you need to, please”

Liam smiled a little at him with a short nod before walking over to where the boys were waiting for him. Josh turned and rushed to get back to his instrument before the band could start the song without him.

Meanwhile Liam tried to smile and act as normal as possible, hoping the fans wouldn’t notice that he was not feeling his best, probably his worst in a long time on stage. Eating had helped a little and the sports drink he had grabbed during the next song did wake him up a little as well, but at the same time he was burning quite some energy as he performed, running around and messing with the boys. When it neared the last few songs, Liam found his willpower wavering, his head was hurting horribly, the noise was bothering almost as much as all the lights. He could feel his arm shaking when he was singing and hated it, hated how weak he must look to the fans watching. In some attempt to slow down and pace himself, Liam sat down at the side of the stage where he took a few more sips of his drink, taking a moment to just watch the others and the fans for a little while.

It didn’t help him feel better, no, it did quite the opposite as his body once he had sat down just decided that it was done. He couldn’t bring himself to get back up after the current song was over as he had planned to, just wanting a short break. His arms and legs just didn’t want to cooperate, and the black spots were back again, making him feel slightly nauseous and so unbelievably tired. All he wanted was to close his eyes and just stop for a second.

Instead of getting up he leant forward, letting his arms rest on his knees and his head in his left hand, microphone lying beside him. When it was his turn to sing, to start the song, he knew he needed to lift his head to grab his microphone, but his body just didn’t want to cooperate.

He messed up, it was his turn, and he didn’t manage to bring himself to pick up the microphone. Harry jumped in, he must have realised Liam wasn’t feeling good and that alarmed the other boys as well. Liam didn’t see it, but Harry had been watching him for a while and jumped in, while at the same time grabbing Louis’ attention and pointing towards where Liam was sitting, bend over, staring at the floor. The change in voices alarmed all of them and Zayn watched closely as Louis slid to a stop next to Liam, sitting next to him and throwing his arm around him, leaning in close. Niall and him helped carry the song with Harry while Louis was distracted by Liam. The boys watched as Louis slowly stood up with Liam, arm still around him. Zayn couldn’t watch anymore and walked closer, to Liam’s other side, leaning in to the both of them, “What’s going on?”

Louis and him exchanged a few glances before Zayn stepped back and let the two boys walk to the back of the stage, getting back to the centre of the stage himself, trying to act composed. Louis reappeared only moments later, just in time for his own solo and leaned into Zayn, yelling, “Katie and Paul are with him”

Zayn nodded, a little more relieved as he went on to tell Harry that they were on their own for now while Louis did the same with Niall, all while continuing the song. He could see the other boys as they kept glancing backstage, finding himself of doing so as well. They did two more songs until Liam reappeared on stage, making Zayn frown, Niall and Harry smile and confusing Louis who was closest to him. Louis and Liam talked for a moment as Niall talked to the crowd before Louis nodded towards Zayn with a soft smile and they walked to the middle of the stage. Zayn went to them, his face saying more than enough apparently as Liam said, “Katie said it’s okay, no running”

Zayn nodded and stayed close to an unusual still Liam, the boy did his songs and walked a little around on stage but nothing more. After their last song, they usually all ran off stage and usually Liam liked to race with them, this time he was the last one, not even trying.

Louis was the first to corner Liam as they were safely behind the stage, bombarding him with questions. Zayn was next, not asking much, but his eyes demanding answers and showing his concern. Niall just gently hugged him, whispering, “What happened?”

“I’m okay” Liam said, “Seriously, just got really dizzy in between… Katie made me eat something to bring my blood sugar back up and I’m feeling a little better”

Paul appeared behind them, “Let’s move away from here, boys. Liam is right. We ordered you all something to eat, it will be waiting on the bus for you. Everything is okay, just a little dizzy spell”

“Yes! Food!” Niall yelled, “Let’s go! Come on!”

The boys all made their way through the hallways with Paul leading the way, one protective arm on Liam’s left shoulder. Liam was thankful for the stability since while he didn’t see black spots appearing anymore, he was still feeling shaky and unsteady. He was startled when he was wrapped in a hug mid-walking, Josh almost literally crashing into him, with a soft, “Sunshine!”

“Josh” Liam smiled at him, “Hey”

“Are you okay?” Josh asked, pulling him away from Paul to grab his hand and walk with him instead.

Liam nodded, “A little better, will be fine if I eat some more probably”

Josh smiled at him relieved, as he walked with them to the busses. When they arrived at their bus, Josh sighed, “I need to shower and get changed”

Liam nodded, “Come back?”

“Always” Josh smiled before running off.

“I’m repeating myself, but you guys are so disgusting it’s not even cute anymore” Niall told Liam with a shake of his head, “No one can be that in love!”

“Oh innocent, little Niall, you’ll know once you grow up” Louis teased as they all made their way up to the bus.

A little while later all of them were showered, changed in some comfortable clothes and met up at the front of the bus. Liam had been last to shower and Josh was already waiting for him, pulling him in his lap gently, “There you are, love”

“Hey” Liam replied, his head finding its usual spot against Josh’s neck with a happy sigh.

“Eat” Zayn told him dryly from where he was sitting opposite them. All of them were eating something and Liam sighed, but sat up and grabbed himself something as well, slowly starting to eat.

He could feel the adrenaline slowly leaving his body and the exhaustion settle in. It was getting harder to keep his eyes open with the light being so bright, so much brighter than usual it seemed and the noise his bandmates made weren’t helping at all either. Josh holding him was a warm comfort though and he felt himself lean further into the embrace as he slowed down eating only moments later. It was just too much of a task to keep going.

“Liam, love, are you alright?” Louis asked softly, glancing at him and the barely eaten sandwich in his left hand. He had put on the sling again after his shower which was unusual for him by now. He usually slept without it.

“Tired… and sore” Liam replied, sounding utterly exhausted, “Hurts”

“What hurts, sunshine?” Josh wanted to know, “Your arm?”

Liam nodded, barely nodded and added, “Head”

“Can you finish that? We can go to bed immediately after, take some pain meds and sleep” Josh said, nodding towards Liam’s food. Liam didn’t answer. He probably could make himself eat more but he just didn’t want to, he wanted to sleep now, not later.

“Cmon, love, at least half of it” Josh pushed him, kissing his cheek gently and Liam relented. He knew it would make Josh happy if he did so and he liked to keep the people around him happy. So, he shakily lifted his arm and started to eat again, the hot white pain cursing through his skull with every movement. The conversation around him picked again and Liam focused on his late dinner. Niall addressed him again a while later, sounding soft and worried, “Li, what’s wrong? You are crying”

Liam frowned at him and realised, yeah, his vision was blurry, and his eyes were tearing up. He wasn’t crying because he was upset, though, his eyes were just tearing up from the pain, “No… my head… jus’ hurts so bad”

He tried to wipe his eyes on his shoulder, which only send waves of pain down his arm and Josh’s hands stopped him. He reached up and wiped his tears, saying softly, “I think we should get you to bed”

“Take these first” Zayn held out Liam’s pain medication that he barely used anymore. Liam abandoned his food and took the medication instead. Josh stood up with him in his arms which Liam loudly protested until he was let down on his own feet with a chuckle. He still held on to his boyfriend’s hand as they made their way to the back of the bus where Liam fell into his bed with a pained groan.

“Let’s take your sling off” Josh whispered, sitting on the edge and frowned when Liam shook his head tiredly, only groaning again and reaching up to cover his face with his hand after.

“Love” Josh said softly, reaching out to move his hand out of the way gently, but was stopped by Liam who lifted his hand and grabbed him in return, pulling him down next to himself. Liam sighed, “Curtain… light hurts”

“Sorry, sunshine” Josh said, “Want me to stay?”

He closed the curtain leaving them in almost complete darkness as they got settled and Liam hummed affirming. Liam couldn’t sleep, the pain keeping him awake even though it was mostly quiet and dark now. Josh held him and kept is hands on him for a while until he fell asleep. It was one of the rare times, when Josh was falling asleep first and Liam really didn’t mind, as long as he could still cuddle with him. He heard his friends roam around the bus for a while still. Zayn was the first to return to his bunk, followed by Niall. Harry and Louis were still at the front, talking to each other quietly while the rest of the bus was in bed already.

Sometime Liam fell asleep as well, listening to little noises he could hear on the bus, listening to Josh breath and his heartbeat. He couldn’t tell you when or how, but in the morning, he was awake first once again. As someone who always had been an early riser, it was hard for him to sleep during the morning like his bandmates did. Trying not to wake Josh, he climbed over him and out of the bunk, almost face planting to the floor, if Josh hadn’t reached out and held on to him, mumbling, “What are you doing?”

Liam groaned, being pulled back into the bed again and let himself fall fully on top of Josh who started to laugh.

“I’m awake” Liam explained, then added, “Tried not to wake you”

Josh chuckled again, wrapping his arms around him, “Stay, sleep”

“But I am awake” Liam protested.

“How is your head?” Josh asked, keeping him trapped on top of him.

“A lot better” Liam smiled, “Still there though, but I think I’ll be okay after breakfast”

“Good, so not dizzy anymore?” Josh smiled, “Arm?”

“Not dizzy, a little sore because of PT” Liam answered, “Can I get up now?”

“No, you are warm and I’m cold, stay” Josh grumbled, “And close the curtain”

“But…” Liam started to protest and then suddenly stopped, trailing off.

Josh looked at him confused, “What?”

“But… I think I need to eat?” Liam looked at him almost questioningly, “I think… I’m hungry?”

Josh smiled at him widely, “Well, let’s find out, get up, let’s go!”

He sat up, pulling Liam with him and moving out of the bunk. His boyfriend just shook his head and followed along. The both of them worked together to get themselves some breakfast, which only consisted of cereal. Josh was beaming at Liam who tried to ignore him in favour of focusing on the task at hand. It must have been the right call, since he felt a lot better after he finished his portion.

“Love, did you tell Robert yet whether you want to change something about the interview?” Josh asked him curiously and Liam shook his head.

“Don’t know if I want anything to be changed” Liam replied with a sigh, “Katie said, I need to eat more, like, bigger portions and stuff… I don’t know if I can”

Josh just smiled, “We’ll just have to try, sunshine, we’ll figure it out”

Liam nodded slowly, “Would you change anything in the video? What did you think at all?”

“You skipped over your parts which was a shame, since I love seeing you talk” Josh told him with a chuckle, “But… I think it was good and will help people understand what happened. I just thought you might want to rethink the thing where Lou tried to slip you alcohol. That could bring some backlash for him which neither of us want. It was stupid and people will probably agree”

“Huh…” Liam nodded, “Probably true… yeah, that’s a good idea…”

Josh smiled, “Otherwise… I think… people might guess that you have some problems in your family, and I don’t know whether you want that out there as a speculation with your mum and all that”

Liam sighed, having thought about that as well. He just wished he could talk to his mother, without her yelling at him and being angry and find out what the actual problem was. It just hurt, knowing that while she might care a little, it was not enough.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to upset you, love” Josh whispered, leaning in and nudging his cheek with his nose a little. The gesture strange enough to make Liam giggle a little, “Weirdo”

“I’m not upset… just a little maybe… but I don’t know” Liam followed up after a moment, “I mean, it would be weirder to not talk about my family at all and keeping it out completely would look like I’m hiding something bigger than it is”

“I get where you are coming from… but I don’t think so?” Josh replied.

“Yeah… I’ll just have to find Robert and talk to him about it later” Liam nodded.

“Sure… can we go back to bed?” Josh asked his boyfriend with a sigh, “We ate, and you were up and now we can take a nap?”

“We were barely awake for an hour! We can’t go back to bed!” Liam replied with wide eyes.

Josh just laughed and pulled him towards the back of the bus, “I know your weird sensible and responsible brain is telling you otherwise, but there is no rule that you can’t take a nap after having woken up. Especially not when you are in a band on the road and no one to tell you otherwise”

“But I’m telling you otherwise” Liam protested, but somehow, he let himself be pushed into the bunk, Josh climbing in behind him and immediately spooning him, not letting him move away. It just made him feel warm and safe enough to fall asleep again soon after.

When they were woken up again, Liam was the one who didn’t want to leave the bed. He could hear his bandmates at the front of the bus, all awake and loud. Josh’s band was there as well as he could hear Sandy’s loud shouts.

“Come on, love” Josh pushed at him and tried to get him to move. Liam sighed but relented and followed Josh to the front of the bus. It was definitely a crowd. Both bands were squished into the little room where all of them were apparently still having breakfast. Niall was sitting on the counter of the little kitchen area, waving at Liam, “Sleepyhead!”

“We were awake first! We even already ate!” Josh told him with an amused shake of his head, both of them coming to stand in the doorway, no space to move into the bus further. Liam smiled up at Josh who was leaning against the side of the bus which more or less resembled the door frame. He stepped between Josh’s legs and leaned up to kiss him softly, feeling himself be pulled in closer.

“Ew! Get a room!” Louis yelled and something soft hit Liam in the head who flinched a little but chuckled, pulling back from Josh who instead pulled him against his chest, arms wrapped around him.

“You already ate, right?” Jon looked at them, glancing at Liam and the younger boy nodded with a soft smile.

“Liam woke me up earlier” Josh replied, “He was actually hungry, so we got breakfast”

“You were hungry?” Zayn looked up with a wide grin and Liam, suddenly feeling embarrassed and weird about the whole situation buried his face in Josh’s shirt.

“Not hungry, like hungry, but he felt the need to eat, so that’s a step forward, right?” Josh said and the reaction was something neither expected. The boys yelled in celebration, and both Liam and Josh were pulled into hugs into the room. Only Niall stayed safely on the counter, moving out of the way and keeping his feet curled under himself as he watched his friends with wide eyes, falling over themselves until only a heap of limbs and bodies were in the room.

Someone was yelling, complaining, laughing, but there was no way to tell who was doing what as they all just were trying to detangle themselves from the rest. Neither realised when the door opened and both Robert and Paul entered the bus, looking completely confused at what was happening in front of them.

Paul yelled loudly, silencing the room efficiently and grabbing everyone’s attention. Jon and Sandy were back on their feet first, slowly starting to help the others up as well. Liam and Josh who had been in the middle of the whole ordeal were the last ones on the floor. Josh staggered to his feet uncoordinatedly, before turning towards Liam, holding out his hand as his boyfriend had sat up but just stayed where he was on the floor. Josh gently pulled him up and in his arms, hugging him, his face buried in Liam’s hair whose face was pressed against his neck.

“Love you” Josh whispered, and he could feel Liam gently kiss him on his neck in return.

“If the lover boys are quite finished over there… do I even want to know what you were doing?” Robert asked with a shake of his head.

“Liam was hungry” Niall supplied, still sitting on his spot, now holding up a phone, “I got the whole thing on camera if anyone wants to see as well”

“And why did you not join?” Robert asked confused.

“Too many people, too close” Niall couldn’t help the shudder which was quickly replaced by a smile again.

“Great, well, we need to talk about a few things, boys. Schedule and tour dates and so on” Robert explained. Josh and the band loudly complained as Paul ushered them off the bus, Liam holding on to his boyfriend as long as possible and kissing him long and gently before they parted.

“I posted the video” Niall announced, “The fans love it!”

They all had just settled around the table, Niall still on the counter and Harry in Louis’ lap and Liam moving towards Zayn, leaning against him.

“Alright, we rescheduled the tour dates for Australia. I sent you guys all the info and it’d be nice if you could tweet something. The announcement has been made already on the band’s account.” Robert explained, “Next thing… Liam, did you make a decision about the interview already?”

Liam nodded, “I… talked with Josh this morning and he had a point about…”

They talked about the contents of the video and Robert promised to make sure the changes would be made.

“Great, we’ll put that out on the weekend, and I want you boys to start teasing it a little in interviews. We are announcing it tomorrow, I think?” the man checked his notes on his phone and nodded, “Yes, tomorrow and release it on Saturday. I want you to be prepared and if you feel comfortable tweet something or maybe not. But… I want you four to remember this is Liam’s video, not yours and if you feel protective or upset about anything talk to him first. I don’t want you accidentally putting out more than Liam wants. You tend to act first before thinking but this is not about you”

They all agreed to that and while Liam felt a little bad about restricting his friends, he knew it was better this way. Robert was right, Louis and Zayn liked to tweet and talk before thinking.

“Good… now, we have the court date coming up…” Robert started, looking at Liam carefully, “How do you feel about that? We have that meeting with the lawyer scheduled on Monday and cleared most of the interviews and meetings around that time, so you have enough space for this” 

Liam couldn’t help but avoid looking at the man as he answered with a soft shrug. He just didn’t want to think about this, he was good at pushing things away when he was scared of them and while he knew it wasn’t a healthy thing to do, he needed to do so. Natalie had another opinion, but he really couldn’t care less.

“Is there something we can do to help you through this?” Robert then asked and Liam just shook his head, so he nodded, “Alright, let us know if that changes”

Their manager then moved on, explaining a few changes in their schedule and told them the plans for the rest of the day and week. After their little meeting they had a few hours to kill before lunch and a few more meetings and interviews, so they found the band and went out to do some sightseeing. They didn’t get far, though, even with their many security guards around them. Liam was glad he had Josh to hold on to when things got a little crowded and busy with fans spotting them and running towards them. These things made him nervous and he knew Niall was uncomfortable as well. But after seeing Zayn having his arm protectively around Niall, he knew he didn’t need to worry about him. Instead, he let himself be comforted by Josh’s gently touches and little kisses. They walked through some streets, trying to explore the city before giving up and finding somewhere to have lunch. It wasn’t easy, though, since they were a large group. Paul organised something, though, and they found themselves in a separate room of a random restaurant.

Liam realised that while he might be feeling better in daily situations on tour, when he knew what was going to happen, he definitely didn’t feel alright where he was at the moment. He literally had been able to feel the anxiety creep up on him again, leaving him stressed and scared, clinging on to Josh’s hand he’d been holding the whole time. Now, seated in the restaurant he was ready to run away. He felt trapped and crowded with the band and their security guards in the room. At the same time, he stopped breathing every time an unexpected noise happened or the door opened, waiters running in and out of the room, trying to serve them all at the same time. At the same time, you could hear the fans outside, screaming and waiting for them to come back out.

“Can we leave? Please?” Liam suddenly turned to Josh who had been talking to Louis and Dan, startling all three of them. He’d been quiet for a while, he supposed, repeating his question.

“Why?” Louis asked first, grabbing his attention as Liam was still looking at his boyfriend pleadingly. Liam just shrugged again.

“Love, Paul said he’s organising some cars to get us out of here in a while. There is no way we can go now” Josh told him gently, looking concerned.

Liam just nodded, suddenly looking resigned before moving a little away from Josh and staring at the table in front of him.

“What is going on, love?” Josh asked softly reaching out and making Liam turn to look at him again, “Tell us”

Liam shrugged just as the door opened and a few waiters entered the room again with some plates. The boy quickly looked up and watched them, waiting for the door to fall closed again before letting out a sigh and turning back to his friends.

“Pretty similar setting” Dan commented with a frown, adding, “To last time…”

“Damn” Louis sighed, then told Liam, “This still freaks you out a little, right? Has been a while…”

Liam gave a short timid nod, pushing Josh away who was trying to pull him into a hug, immediately feeling bad for doing so, but he didn’t want to be touched.

“It’s okay, sunshine…” Josh said softly, and Liam just shook his head frantically.

Louis nodded and added, “You are safe with us, Li, no need to be scared”

“No, no, no. It’s just the same. I don’t want to get hurt anymore, not again. I can’t. I don’t” Liam whimpered, even more upset. It surprised his friends and grabbed Niall’s and Sandy’s attention as well who were sitting next to them.

Louis tried again, “Come on, love, try and take a deep breath and focus on us. Not the fans outside and not on what your brain is telling you right now”

Liam really tried, he really, really tried and he didn’t know why it wasn’t working. Louis was trying some of the things Natalie had told them next and usually they helped pull him back, when he felt his anxiety spike during the day, when they were working or performing. These anxiety and panic attacks were usually triggered by different things, not this. This was different, something he still was working his way through, not sure if he’ll ever find a way to overcome it.

Niall who was sitting on his other side leaned in to hug him and startled him, almost making him push him away as well, but somehow, he realised it was Niall and he never wanted to hurt him or push him away.

“You are shaking, Li, you need to breathe” Niall whispered softly, “No one will hurt you; we are all right here with you and we won’t let you out of our sight”

“They are not here; they can’t hurt you” Louis added. Liam managed to take a deep breath like Niall had told him.

“Doing great, love, can you tell me now what you are feeling?” Louis tried again and Liam nodded shakily before answering with a stutter. Niall gently told him to take another deep breath, still having his arms around Liam’s waist and holding him close. Liam did that and after a moment, Niall repeated himself.

They went through that process for a while, Liam managed to tell Louis what he was feeling, seeing, hearing and so on while Niall made sure to remind him to take deep calm breaths. Before Liam was feeling calm enough to do anything but follow Niall’s and Louis’ instructions, Paul entered the room, phone still pressed to his ear, a grim look on his face, “Boys! We are leaving, now!”

He sounded alarmed enough to make the boys who hadn’t even started to eat yet look up in worry.

“What? Why?” Zayn asked concerned.

“One of the waiters is on twitter, giving a play by play of every word you have said so far. Robert just called me. The cars are ready, let’s go” Paul just told them, walking over to Liam, whose eyes had widened and all the process they had made so far had gone straight out the window again. He pointed at the group surrounding Liam which contained Dan, Josh, Louis and Niall as well as Liam, “We are getting you out first. Niall you are with Paddy, Liam with me the rest stay close”

The boys all got up but Liam, who seemed completely frozen apart from the wheezing breaths he was taking every now and then. Josh gently pulled him up, wrapping his arm around him and whispering softly in his ear. Liam was pliant in his arms, letting himself be dragged out of the door. Only when they were outside of the room, he went rigid and tightly gripped Josh’s arms, a whimper leaving him in fear.

“We are okay, Liam, you are safe, we are just going to the car” Josh told him, “Paul is going to keep you safe, love”

Paul already had a protective arm around the couple as well, keeping Liam between him and Josh, promised, “Just a few steps to the car, Liam, we got you”

Before Liam knew it, he was outside, people were pushing and screaming but true to Paul’s words, he was inside the car rather sooner than later. Niall was already there, looking a little spooked and Louis and Dan followed behind himself and Josh. As soon as he sat down, Louis asked, “Liam, you alright?”

The boy in question shook his head violently, fighting with himself but it was no use, the tears were already rolling down his face when the sobs broke free. Josh immediately wrapped him in a tight hug, pulling him on his lap and trying his best to hold him, talk to him and keep him calm. But Liam wasn’t listening.

“ I hate this, I hate myself. I keep messing up. I’m so stupid, They are right. I don’t deserve this. I messed up yesterday. I’m so stupid and I can’t even… l-lunch… ruin everything” Liam sobbed violently, the words barely leaving his heaving body.

“Oh god, Liam, stop, no, you didn’t do anything wrong” Louis said loudly, sounding almost mad as he climbed over the seat to place himself next to Josh and Liam. He gently made Liam look at him, but the tears were clouding his vision and Liam tried to move out of his touch, continuing to hysterically explain just how much he hated himself.

“He’ll pass out again if we don’t do something” Niall’s soft voice almost startled Louis and Josh who had almost forgotten that him and Dan were in the car with them.

“Liam, sunshine, please calm down” Josh said softly, taking Liam’s hand and holding it against his chest, “You need to breathe, love”

Him and Louis worked on trying to get Liam to breathe and somehow sometime after almost feeling completely helpless, Liam started to respond and took some deeper, shuddering breaths. It took a while, but Liam somehow returned to an almost normal breathing pattern. His eyes almost slipped closed a few times and Louis finally told him, “It’s okay, love, you can rest. You are safe and we won’t leave you”

That apparently was all it took for Liam to fall asleep in Josh’s arms. The car was silent for a few minutes until Louis deemed it safe to talk, leaning back against his seat and letting his head drop against the headrest with a thud, muttering, “Bloody hell, fucking stupid waiter. We almost had it!”

“Yeah, Natalie said, he needs positives moments in similar situation to get over it. That definitely did more damage than good” Niall sighed tiredly, “It’s so unfair this keeps happening”

Dan nodded, “I really want to punch someone, preferably the person who tweeted whatever Paul talked about”

“I’m checking it out now” Louis sighed and looked for his phone. His friends did the same, apart from Josh who was busy holding on to his boyfriend.

“They are all deleted now, the account is private but there are screenshots” Louis explained, then added, “That person literally started to tweet the second we stepped foot in there and gave detailed descriptions of anything we did. Great, even the anxiety attack Liam had”

“Can we respond, or will that make it worse?” Niall asked and Louis sighed.

“I have no idea. I don’t want to confirm what happened by saying anything, but fans saw us leave like a few minutes after going in there and that is suspicious in and on itself” Louis replied after thinking for a moment, then he called Robert. The man didn’t want the boys to respond just yet.

It was quiet the drive to the stadium where the tour buses were, and they were all glad when Liam stayed asleep during it. When the car rolled to a stop, Paul was immediately there to open the door for them, letting Niall and Dan climb out first as he explained, “The others will need a few more minutes, they got stuck in traffic. I want you in your dressing room, we are organising you some lunch”

Andy another security guard of theirs was waiting outside the car, already leading Niall and Dan forward to the arena entrance as Louis climbed out the car and Josh slid forwards, holding on to Liam who neither wanted to wake up. The boy was coming to himself slowly, though and before he knew what was going on, Louis had leant forward and wrapped his arms around Liam to lift him out of the car. Liam naturally managed to wrap his left arm around Louis’ neck and just let his head drop against the older boy’s shoulder as he wrapped his legs around him as well and let himself be carried. He felt safe with Louis and since the only other people around were their security guards and friends, he didn’t mind, only wanting the comfort that Louis provided him.

Inside the dressing room there was already food waiting for them and the four of them immediately dug in while Liam just stayed in his place on Louis’ lap, arms around his neck and face pressed against his chest.

They had been left alone for a while until Paul came back, once again on the phone. He looked at the scene in front of him and asked, “Is Liam asleep?”

“More or less” Josh replied with a shrug. They weren’t sure, he was definitely holding on to Louis tightly, but his eyes were closed and he had not moved or reacted to them in a while.

“Geoff called, he saw something in the media about what happened today, and Liam hasn’t answered his phone” Paul explained and that was all it took to get Liam to react, turning to the man in question with red rimmed eyes.

“You got your phone?” Paul asked gently and received a slow nod, “He can call you again in like five minutes if you want to”

Liam nodded again and Paul smiled, before nodding and leaving the room as well. The boy immediately got his phone out and checked to make sure the sound was on before setting it on the sofa next to himself and Louis.

Just a few moments later the rest of the boys entered the room as well and while they tried to be quiet and calm, it never was easy to do so with nine boys in one room, all trying to get something to eat at the same time.

“Do you want to find a quiet room to talk to your dad?” Josh suggested to Liam who nodded but made no attempt to move. Louis chuckled, “Want me to come along?”

Liam nodded again and Louis just simply got up and walked out of the room, not letting go of Liam in the process. Josh grabbed his phone and followed them just as it started to ring.

“Hey Geoff” the older boy smiled as he answered, “He’s right here, just give us a second to find an empty room. There’s too many people in this band”

He pulled the phone away from his ear and shouted at Louis a few steps ahead, “Try the hair and make-up room! They should be empty still”

Louis did and yelled, “Hah!” as he found it unlocked and entered with Liam.

“We have like half an hour before Lou will show up, probably” Josh told Liam as he handed over the phone, “Want us to stay or go? Or just Lou for now?”

Liam nodded at the last suggestion and Josh gently kissed his forehead, “Love you, I’ll be with the boys”

Louis and Liam sat down on the bench that was big enough to hold them both as Liam answered the phone.

The man mainly was worried and Liam only giving short answers with his voice rough and soft didn’t do much to ease it. Instead, the man grew even more concerned and Louis stepped in for a moment, explaining things a little better than Liam. The topic of the night before came up as well. The man was following up with the band on twitter and was really worried about everything he had been reading.

It took a while for him, but Liam opened up to his father again, talking about how he was feeling, how scared he was and how frustrated the whole situation made him. The anxiety was something he still had trouble with explaining, as well as the tirade of self-hate he had went on in the restaurant and now was out there for the world to read as well.

Louis just sat back and held him through it all, knowing he just needed his father’s comfort and someone to listen to him.

Lou, their hair stylist entered the room, disrupting the soft conversation accidentally. She startled, let out a soft yell of surprise as she saw the boys, then asked with wide eyes, “What are you doing here?! If you got in my stuff again-“

Louis shook his head with a laugh as Liam just stared at her guiltily while Louis explained, “We just needed an empty room for a phone call. Sorry for not asking before, but we didn’t touch anything, I promise!”

Lou frowned as she now took a closer look at them and asked, “How long will you need?”

“Just five more minutes, we have some things lined up as well” Louis said and Lou left the room again after setting down the bag she had with her, giving them some more privacy. After that Liam wrapped up the call with his father, and it was obvious to Louis that it had helped immensely, the younger seemingly calmer. Liam stood up on his own two feet again as well for the first time since they got into the car but still kept a hold of Louis’ arm as they left the room to find the rest of the band. Zayn, Niall and Harry were waiting for them with Robert in their dressing room.

“How do you feel, Liam?” the man asked him gently and Liam just shrugged. It must be obvious he wasn’t feeling that great.

“Do you think you can work, or do you want some time for yourself before the show?”

Liam replied now, “I can do it”

“Alright, well, you boys were followed back to the arena and there are pictures of you two getting out of the car” the man nodded towards Louis and Liam, “People are speculating, and I want to know whether you want to respond or wait it out until it blows over”

“I want… I think… I want to say something, but I need to think about it first” Liam said slowly, sounding not entirely sure.

“Alright” Robert replied, “Send it to me before putting it out, though”

Liam nodded.

“Great, well, we need to get to the meeting for the next music video now. Ben will direct it again and already has some concepts for it. This will probably take all afternoon and the record label wants to talk as well. We’ll have to see if we can squeeze it in before sound check” Robert explained and led them out of the room to a conference room where they would talk to Ben.

While Liam had skipped lunch, he knew he needed to eat if he didn’t want a repeat of the night before and said so as Robert contemplated whether to hold the second meeting before sound check.

“You are right. We’ll do it another time. Go relax and eat something, Liam” the man smiled at him and Zayn wrapped Liam in a tight hug as the band walked out of the room, “I’m so damn proud”

“Yeah” Louis agreed with a smile, “And not only because you got us out of another boring meeting!”

Liam smiled a little to himself and felt proud when he convinced himself to actually eat something even though he was still feeling anxious. Later that evening, just before the show, Liam was in the dressing room with the other boys. They were all just killing time before it was time to get on stage and he was trying to write out something to say to the fans.

Hey :)

I know I’ve been quiet for a while and just wanted to address something real quick.

Today someone tweeted some very personal information and parts of a very personal conversation between me and my band members. We try our best to keep some privacy and people like that violate this. It’s not okay to do so.

It is public knowledge that I suffer from panic attacks and the least I need is someone broadcasting it to the world when it is happening. Today was not a panic attack but an anxiety attack. This is not something I want to share with you. Everything I am okay with sharing will be in the video that will be released tomorrow.

[The video tomorrow will also explain why the boys were celebrating in the video Niall posted earlier. I saw what you are assuming and most of it is wrong. It also touches on why I was not feeling good last night at the show. I’m working on that, though and hope you are not disappointed I couldn’t give you the full show]

There’s also a picture of Louis carrying me. I was asleep so stop making assumptions, because they just didn’t want to wake me up. After everything happened, I ended up having a panic attack in the car, because people keep violating my privacy and it ended with me falling asleep on Josh. Stop making up rumours about our relationship or assuming there are other things going on inside the band. The boys are like my brothers and if you have a problem with my brother getting me off my boyfriend so he could get out of the car as well, that is your problem.

Stop invading our privacy and stop making assumptions.

-Liam

“Zayn?” Liam asked softly, grabbing his friend’s attention as he held out his phone, “Is that alright? I already sent it to Robert”

Zayn read it and nodded, “It’s good. I don’t think it will help much with the privacy and stuff, but yeah”

Liam smiled at that and ended up posting it just before the show started after getting Robert’s approval.

The next few days went by in a blur. The video was received well and kept the fans and media occupied while Liam kept of the internet for most of the parts. He just hoped that people would understand him a little more and stop asking rude questions. In interviews he was always asked about it and just smiled his way through it, when he was praised for being brave or asked to elaborate. In one interview he felt well enough and safe enough to actually dip into his eating disorder a little further. The young man had been amazing at talking to them and he was comfortable.

He explained how the situation had occurred where he had gotten dizzy on stage and felt okay with that, “I should have skipped the run in the morning and not pushed myself as much in PT. I’m struggling with getting enough calories in a day still and since I’ve started to work out a little again, I’m trying to find a balance. It just didn’t work out that well on that day. Honestly, all I did when I got backstage was trying to eat something to get my blood sugar back up. I was fine afterwards as well”

He pointedly left out the part with the horrible headache he had gotten that night, but it was enough to satisfy the fans and stop any more assumptions going around.

The Monday the next week started with Liam waking up in a cold sweat, heart racing and panting. That had definitely been a nightmare, Liam realised as he sat up, almost hitting his head on the ceiling of his bunk. He was still trying to figure out what was going on as he slowly got out of bed, feeling the need to move around. When he got to the front of the bus, Harry was already there, book in one hand a cup of tea in the other. Liam didn’t even see him, just focussed on getting himself some tea. That was a task he did every morning.

“Liam?” Harry asked softly and the other didn’t even react, so he slowly got up, set his things down and walked the few steps over to Liam. He gently grabbed Liam’s shaking arms in his and stopped him from where he was reaching for the kettle.

“You are shaking, Liam” he simply stated and pulled him to the table where he had been sitting.

It took a few moments, but Liam seemingly snapped out of wherever his thoughts had led him and he said, “Sorry”

“It’s okay, what happened?” Harry asked softly, tasking himself with making Liam tea before joining him at the table, setting the tea down in front of him. Liam had waited for him to finish and for himself to pull himself back together.

“N-nightmare… I think?” Liam replied, looking now more confused than anything.

“Oh, that’s usually Niall’s thing, Li” Harry replied jokingly, but in a more serious voice, “Are you okay?”

Liam nodded, “Think so… just, … unexpected, I guess?”

Harry hummed in response, “Yeah, makes sense you were a little shaky”

“Thanks… for the tea and… stopping me” Liam told him softly, not looking at him, “Don’t even know what I was doing”

“Trying to make tea” Harry supplied with a little grin, “But I make it better anyway”

“You do” Liam nodded. They sat in silence for a little while until Harry picked his book back up again. Liam didn’t mind, he liked to have some moments alone with his thoughts to sort them out. As long as he was not completely alone with them, he didn’t mind. He still had trouble being on his own in a room or walking outside without their security or one of the boys.

“Are you nervous about today?” Harry spoke up, startling him with his curious voice and eyes.

“More terrified than anything” Liam honestly replied, “I just wish I could skip it”

“Yeah, I get that. I wouldn’t want to do this either. See them or talk about it” Harry nodded in understanding. The two of them sat together now softly talking about the court date and the meeting with their lawyer later that day until Zayn and Niall joined them a while later. The two of them took it upon themselves to make breakfast for them all and Louis joined them in the middle of it as well.

After that they got ready for the day and soon after Paul was waiting for them at the front of the bus.

“Are you sure you only want Zayn with you? I mean, I give great hugs and I could come along as well” Louis asked loudly from the back of the bus with a whine. Liam didn’t answer. If it was up to him, he would have all of the boys there when he was meeting the lawyer. But he was only supposed to take one person and that had ended up to be Zayn.

Josh and Louis both had wanted to be there as well, but Robert was adamant about three of them keeping up the schedule.

“Louis, hurry up, you lazy idiot!” Zayn yelled at him, “You only want to get out of work!”

“No, I don’t! I want to know what will happen as well! And I want to be with Liam! He’s my favourite” Louis replied, still pulling on his shirt as he walked to the waiting band.

Niall snorted, “We all know that’s Harry. When you are not currently fighting”

Harry and Louis blushed which made Niall roll his eyes, stating to Liam and Zayn, “Thanks for leaving me alone with the we are obviously not a couple – couple”

After that the band parted ways and while Louis, Harry and Niall were taken to a meeting and interview, Robert met up with Zayn and Liam to accompany them to the meeting with the lawyer.

The tour had taken them back to Europe and London again, so they only had to drive a little while to get there. They had made sure that this meeting would be in person since it was a rather delicate topic and Liam was glad for that.

The meeting left Liam feeling raw and even more anxious than before. He liked their lawyers, it was a duo, consisting of Daniel and Larissa who really were great. But knowing what he had to do and what would happen scared the hell out of him. Most of the meeting had consisted of him listening to the man explaining court proceedings and the case. He was glad Robert and Zayn were there to ask necessary questions he couldn’t even think about at that time.

After this, they went on to about what he was going to say, how he was going to behave and act. Liam knew he wouldn’t be able to be as composed and confident as expected. Then it came to the point where Jason and Michael were talked about. Their statements, their defence and overall, the fact that he would face them.

Liam got scared, only hearing what their statements were and faintly registered Zayn talking to him, telling him to breathe.

The lawyer, Daniel, who had already helped them with their management issues and his partner Larissa were in the room and while Larissa had done most of the talking, since it was more her specialty than his, Daniel was the one to assure him, “There is no way they will be allowed to come close to you. There will be officers in the room and in case they become disruptive, they will have to leave the room. You will be absolutely safe, no one will hurt you”

He still would have to hear whatever they were going to say, and he will be asked and questioned and maybe blamed and Liam wasn’t sure whether he could deal with that. Weirdly enough, Liam didn’t panic or get scared, instead he just listened and then, when he was back in the car with Zayn, he felt numb but fine. He was okay.

When the boys asked him later, how it went, he only could shrug, he barely even remembered it and Zayn answered for him as Josh showered him in affection and love, but Liam didn’t really feel much of anything. The next day he felt better. He still couldn’t quite grasp everything that had happened, and he knew he had confused Josh by not being as affectionate before. Everything felt so weird. It was weird enough that instead of getting up for breakfast he texted Robert if he could figure out something so he could talk to Natalie some time that day. He just still felt so wrong.

Robert called him after that, and Liam hoped the ringing of his phone hadn’t woken up the other boys.

“Do you want me to set it up for this morning? It would work best with the schedule or would you rather do it this afternoon?” Robert immediately asked and Liam said slowly, “Don’t know… feel weird”

“Weird in what way, Liam?” the man sounded concerned.

“Dunno” Liam just replied, “Weird”

“Alright, let me see if I can get an appointment for you” the man said before hanging up.

It only took a few minutes until he called again and by that time, Liam was sniffling softly into the phone when he answered.

“She is almost fully booked today, but she has about half an hour in twenty minutes free to talk to you. Is that alright? Paul is on his way to get you to set you up in the dressing room, so you have some privacy. The boys are still asleep I assume?”

Liam hummed affirming and they hung up again as he quietly got ready and waited for Paul. He had his laptop and phone with him as he was led to the arena and Paul got him set up in the dressing room.

He couldn’t really explain what was going on with himself to Natalie when she asked. After stating how numb he felt the day before and barely remembered it and how weird and confused he had woken up, she just nodded in acknowledgement. After asking a few more questions she wanted to know whether he’d felt like this before.

It took a while, but Liam could think of a few occasions, like, “W-when… when I was with… my sisters, like, before I got… hospital again. Just sometimes, not the whole time, but it was so weird, like now, I don’t… barely knew what was going on at all”

Another time he could remember this happening was directly after their last concert. Everything was a blur and he had felt the same numbness and overwhelming confusion. It probably was more than that, but it scared him.

“But… but I’m supposed to not… feel so bad, like… the medication” Liam said, “I don’t… like this, it hurts”

“This is the first time you have felt like this since you have been on the new medication, right?” Natalie asked gently and Liam nodded.

“That’s good. And we can agree that it has happened less since, right?” Liam nodded again.

“Good. I have a pretty good guess of what has been happening and while it might feel scary, it is just a symptom of your anxiety. I’ve been suspecting it before, but we did manage to get a hold of it with the medication before” Natalie started, “Do you know what dissociation is?”

Liam frowned, “I think I read about it some… it was compared to like… when Ginny didn’t remember opening the chamber of secrets in Harry Potter…”

Natalie chuckled, “Not quite, no, there is something called a dissociative disorder, which is not what is happening to you. But I will explain it first so you can understand it and then we can work on you working through it if it happens again”

She did explain it and it confused Liam, because it was something entirely strange.

“For you it is a little different, since you are only dissociating when you are faced with the trauma that is causing your anxiety. Your mind wants to protect you and instead of feeling the panic and anxiety anymore, it just shuts it out completely. Which is why you only remember bits and pieces, it’s your mind blocking out anything that could hurt you. Yesterday… you said you remember the beginning and once the conversation shifted to the attack itself, you started to feel numb, right? And you don’t remember the actual words?”

Liam nodded slowly.

“It’s a symptom and with the court date coming up it might happen again. I want you to take a higher dose of the anxiety medication until then to counteract it and I have a few techniques I want you to know about. We’ll be talking about them tomorrow in our regular session to help you in that case. Today I want you to work on being calm and to relax. Don’t go and seek out stress or anything. Coming out of this can be quite overwhelming and that was probably what scared you this morning.”

Liam nodded again.

She talked to him for just a few more minutes explaining exactly how he was supposed to take his medication for now and how to deal with the way he was feeling until tomorrow where they would talk deeper about this. When he closed his laptop after the video call, Liam took a few moments to himself, trying to assert how he was feeling, but he couldn’t really do that. It was all so confusing. After packing up his stuff, Liam slowly walked to the door and peeked outside. No one was directly around, and he knew that while he was safe in this hallway he couldn’t walk back on his own. He contemplated for a second what to do and ended up calling Paul. The man didn’t answer, instead he came walking around the corner quickly, “Hey, are you done?”

Liam nodded slowly and Paul smiled, “Come on, let’s go back to the bus, the boys were already asking for you. Are you feeling better?”

Liam shrugged, “Confused”

On the bus the other four boys were already eating breakfast and bickering loudly when Liam walked up. He dropped his phone and laptop on the counter before sitting next to them. The conversation had stopped around him, and Liam knew the attention was on him once again.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Harry simply asked, knowing that the other three were burning with curiosity and worry. Liam shrugged a little.

“We are here to listen if you want to, just tell us” Harry said then and continued his previously stopped conversation with Louis. Zayn watched him for a little longer before joining in again just like Niall. Liam absentmindedly ate some breakfast and didn’t even protest when Zayn got up to refill his plate afterwards, not fully but just a little bit. Liam just ate it and felt even weirder afterwards.

Then, when Louis moved to get up and clean up, he suddenly said, “I’m doing… I have…”

“Slowly, think first and then talk” Zayn told him, seeing his mind racing as he jumped over his words as Louis sat back down.

“Yesterday was weird” Liam decided to start at the beginning, “And this morning I… felt really strange and… I don’t know… just weird, well, Natalie said… I’m dissociating. It’s like… a symptom of my anxiety and it’s really weird and scary”

“Isn’t that like a disorder? I’ve heard of that” Niall asked with wide eyes.

“Yes, but like no… I don’t have that… it’s different kind of?” Liam replied looking at him, “I need to take my meds differently because like… the court case stresses me out and stuff and that causes it”

“Josh knew you were acting differently yesterday” Zayn replied, “He was worried”

Liam nodded, “I knew that as well, but I just… felt like nothing was real… like I wasn’t even real”

“What causes it? Did it happen before?” Harry wanted to know while Niall was typing away on his phone, probably already researching it. That’s what Niall usually does. He likes to be informed.

“I’m not… supposed to stress myself out today, because I could go back to that again and I still feel so weird and confused and… can we not talk about it anymore? Natalie wants to explain more tomorrow and maybe then… not today”

“Sure, of course, can we do anything to help you feel better?” Zayn asked in a low voice and Liam shrugged.

“Don’t know” he said softly.

“You have PT and therapy tomorrow, right?” Louis asked, “Before the concert?”

Liam nodded slowly.

“We can talk after or not, we can do our own research as well, if that’s alright with you?” Harry told him, waiting for his confirmation before nodding to himself.

Niall on the other hand spoke up, “I found this website that’s pretty good and sent it to you. I think that was what Liam was talking about, it’s explained really well”

With that the boys agreed and moved on, getting ready for the day. Liam who had been up pretty early somehow ended up falling back in his bunk before he even could think about getting changed. Before he knew it, he was asleep, laying sideways with his legs still outside the bed, feet touching the floor. Louis chuckled when he saw that and gently moved him inside the bunk before covering him with a blanket. The boys left the bus, leaving him some more time to rest and went to look for the rest of the band.

“Should we tell Josh?” Niall asked worriedly and Harry also added, “I still don’t think we should have left him all alone!”

“Josh will probably go to the bus once we tell him anyways” Zayn replied, “He needs to know, and Liam didn’t seem like he had any idea what he was talking about”

Louis agreed, “Yeah, it’s better like this, I think”

Him and Niall took Josh off to the side a little while later, as the other boys joined the rest of their backing band in a round of FIFA. They explained it softly and Niall recommended the information on the topic he had found so far, and as expected Josh already wanted to leave to see Liam and talk to him.

“He fell asleep while we were trying to get ready, let him rest” Louis just told him before pushing him towards the door.

“Where’s Liam?” Jon wanted to know, the absence of the band member not having gone unnoticed.

“Yesterday wasn’t easy, just having a not so great day” Zayn explained, “Talked to his therapist this morning and needs some time”


	17. Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it.   
> Thank you for reading.   
> Let me know what you thought about it if you want to.

When Liam woke up again it was in Josh’s arms and the boy was placing gentle kisses all over his face, making him smile a little. “Good morning… well, more like afternoon, just in time for lunch” Josh said with a grin. Liam sighed, letting his eyes fall closed for a few moments, taking the time to assert himself. Waking up the second time that day definitely felt a lot better.

“Hey” he said in almost a whisper as he looked up at Josh.

“Hey” Josh replied, “The boys told me about this morning. I hope that was alright”

Liam nodded slowly, actually feeling relieved.

“I did some research while you were asleep” Josh added, “Explained a few things, actually and it makes sense”

Liam nodded again, this time adding, “Yeah… it’s just scary”

Josh nodded, “Definitely, but we’ll figure it out”

Liam sighed, “Do I have to be somewhere sometime soon?”

Josh shook his head, “No, we need to find some lunch, though and then we all have the rest of the day off until the show”

“Okay, can we stay here?” Liam asked and Josh nodded.

“Sure, we could ask someone to bring us something and watch a movie if you are up to it? The band was playing FIFA and were not up to anything else either last I heard” Josh explained and grinned when it made Liam smile contently.

The couple spent the day cuddled up on the bus, not leaving it until they absolutely had to for the concert that night. It was exactly what Liam needed, a day of doing nothing but cuddling, eating and sleeping with an occasional movie in between and Josh by his side.

During the next few days, Liam tried to work through everything he had learned with Natalie with the help of his bandmates and friends but with the upcoming court date it was not as easy as he had hoped. He struggled with the anxiety and while he did not dissociate again, he definitely felt anything but alright and his bandmates could feel it in his mood swings and the panic when they didn’t strictly stick to their planned schedule. Liam again was rather clingy with Zayn and Louis who both didn’t mind but noticed it concerned. There were a few more meetings and appointments with their lawyer and various people which of course added to the pressure.

Liam had a panic attack the day before the court date. They had gotten back to London the night before and were supposed to spend the day relaxing and preparing for the following day. Geoff had come down to London as well and Liam had spent most of the morning glued to his side. By the time lunch had passed and it was nearing dinner time, Liam had worked himself into a panic attack that scared Geoff. The boys spend the evening together, the five of them watching a movie while during the day and night they were each in their respective flats.

Geoff welcomed the band in in the morning for breakfast, looking rather tired, with a sigh, “Liam has barely slept, had a few nightmares. He’s getting ready right now”

Zayn pushed past him and went to Liam’s room to see their friend, wrapping him in a tight hug. The other boys helped prepare breakfast and all gave them some space until Zayn and Liam joined them. Liam looked pale and scared as he sat down, not feeling like talking as he ignored any questions sent his way. No matter how much he wanted, he couldn’t do more than drink his tea and eat half of a banana, already feeling sick. Neither of the people in the room even tried to convince him otherwise, knowing just how hard it must be for him.

Since the boys also were witnesses, they needed to be present as well and expected to be questioned as well. They all were dressed up nicely but casually. Geoff went with them as Josh had promised to meet them there.

Liam was not alright. He was terrified and the worst was all the waiting and not knowing when things would start and how they would end. Their lawyers met them and even Natalie was there. Liam already felt overwhelmed before he even set foot into the court room.

The first time he saw Michael he felt the same ice cold fear he had when him and Jason had stepped into the bathroom back on that day. His father had his arm around his shoulder and squeezed gently, reminding him that he was there, that they all were there to support him. Michael didn’t look at him, just was led past him.

Jason was a different story. It was worse with him as the second he saw Liam he started yelling at him, telling him that he was a liar and that he was useless and all the things he used to believe. He looked just as angry now as he did back then and Liam was sure if they had been alone, Jason would try to hurt him again.

“Breathe, love, you need to breathe” Josh’s voice pulled him back once Jason had gone past him. He had completely forgotten to breathe. It took a few moments for his lungs to stop burning. Josh was gently cupping his face, looking deeply into him to make sure he had his attention. Josh, his father and his band mates were the reason he managed to keep it together until he was called up. It was terrifying and the moment he felt the touch of his father’s arm around his shoulder and Josh’s hand’s on his slide away, he could feel himself panicking. The second he sat down, there was a weird calmness inside of him. He didn’t look up at anyone but the person that was asking him questions and while he knew he was stuttering and taking forever to get his thoughts out, he was answering. He got through it, somehow, through all the questions about the bullying, about the hospital visits about everything they did until the day itself. It was harder to talk about that, especially when he could feel the eyes of Jason and Michael on him. The both of them had been uncharacteristically quiet the whole time and the second Liam explained that they had just showed up when they did, Jason scoffed. Liam had been waiting for that. He knew they wouldn’t let him get away with saying anything at all and it started with scoffs and little simple words being muttered as Liam talked, letting him freeze and stop again. Michael was the first to outright insult him. It happened a few times and each time, Liam felt himself shrink in his seat more, until he just couldn’t bring himself to do more than stutter, unable to form a coherent thought.

The both of them got their last warnings and Liam was glad when his lawyers called for a break. He couldn’t do this anymore, he just couldn’t. His dad was next to him just a little while later and Liam just clung to him as he hugged him, not caring about where he was or what was happening. It was too much. He couldn’t breathe and everything hurt.

Somehow his father had picked up on the techniques the boys used to calm him down and the panic attack subsided at some point. He didn’t have much time to feel exhausted or to pull himself back together before things moved on again. After the break they got through the rest of the events rather quickly since he only remembered bits and pieces. Then a few more questions were asked, until even Liam didn’t know how much more there could be to know. One of the hardest questions to answer was about his family and their involvement. Having to admit that his mother simply believed Michael and rather had him as a son was painful. Especially when Michael laughed at him. Two more questions and Jason was suddenly angry at him. He doesn’t know what he had said to get him from laughing at his mother hating him to him yelling angrily and jumping to his feet within seconds. He was pushed down in his seat again and reprimanded.

The last question upset Jason even further, enough for him to jump up and lash out, trying to make his way towards Liam who was startled, freezing in place as he watched two officers drag Jason back to his seat. He had only been a few steps away from Liam and it was terrifying. Terrifying enough that Liam did not react to any more questions, just stared at Jason who was still yelling and trying to fight the officers until he was taken out of the room. Liam still kept looking at the door he had been led out through. Nothing felt real anymore.

Liam found himself sitting in some hallway on a bench, seemingly seconds later, no recollection of what had happened before. Someone had his arms around him and there were hands holding his as well.

“Come on, babe, we’ve got you, you are safe” Zayn’s voice reached him a little while later, becoming aware of all the sounds around him. Next, he took in his surroundings more, the hallway was empty, safe for himself, Zayn, Paul and his father. He was in his dad’s arms and Zayn was holding his hands, speaking to him. He was still talking, or maybe again, but Liam had stopped paying attention.

He must have spaced out again, next thing he knew he was still in the same position but laying down, his head in Zayn’s lap as his father was holding a plastic cup with coffee a few steps away talking to Paul.

“Z…” was the first thing he managed to rasp out, feeling everything but alright. His heart was racing, and he was feeling nauseous. Zayn’s hands were carding through his hair and stopped suddenly as he looked at him, talking softly.

“I’m… what...” Liam tried to voice his confusion, but all Zayn did was hush him and helped him sit up slowly, letting him rest against his side. Liam’s head falling against Zayn’s chest.

“You are okay, Liam, you are safe” Zayn gently whispered. Liam didn’t question anymore.

Zayn continued to slowly explain, “We are still at the court. The boys are just finishing up their statements. You had a panic attack during the first break and dissociated after Jason tried to attack you again. Do you remember?”

Liam frowned, unsure of everything around him, his eyes glancing around the room again, falling on Paul and Geoff who were watching them, “Dad”

Geoff immediately joined them, sitting next to him and putting his hand comfortingly on Liam’s back, “I’m here, Liam. How do you feel?”

“Weird” Liam sighed out, trying to find any memories of what had happened, but coming up with nothing but mixed up pictures and white noise.

“Everything is alright, Liam, just remember to breathe” his father told him gently, rubbing his hand up and down his back in circles. Liam felt himself nod a little. Breathing sounded like something he should be doing. Liam needed a few more moments, which turned into minutes and then, before he knew it Louis and Niall were with them. Subconsciously Liam reached out to them, wanting them to hug him and they did, the hugs lasting for a while and only reluctantly letting go. It felt nice. He definitely needed that. Louis took Zayn’s place then and Zayn left for a little while and Liam held onto Louis instead.

When Zayn returned, Larissa was with him, their lawyer. She looked concerned as she talked to Paul before running off again.

Paul came over, “I can take you home. The others need to stay a little while longer. Natalie is finishing up with Daniel to make sure you won’t get in trouble for leaving.”

Liam just looked at him in confusion. He had to stay until the end, he was told so before.

“Natalie was here with you before, she was talking to you as it happened and said you are not fit enough to continue this. You are basically calling in sick right now” Niall explained, “Let’s go, the boys can tell us later how it went”

Liam frowned when he realised his father was staying behind but didn’t really have the mind to protest or work out the reason why. There was one, probably. Instead, he was led outside by Paul, Louis by his side, keeping a tight hold of him as they walked to the private parking lot of the court. While there were no people in plain sight, he was sure there would be pictures of them leaving later. Inside the car, Liam was pulled on Zayn’s lap, the older boy holding him tight and close, whispering gentle reassurances in his ear. Liam could feel himself coming back more and more during the car ride, the anxiety and the panic making his chest tighten when he thought back to what he could now slowly remember from the court.

“He… he was really angry” Liam said, startling the other boys in the car.

“Jason?” Louis asked softly and Liam nodded.

“Yeah, he has anger problems, and he is in a lot of trouble. But that is not your problem.” Niall told him, “You did great and more than enough. They’ll never hurt you again, Liam”

Liam frowned a little.

“What do you want to do now, love?” Louis asked softly, “We could cuddle and take a nap or maybe watch a movie, order takeout…”

“No food” Liam just stated with a sigh, “Feel sick”

“Alright, we can hold off on that for a little while, can’t blame me for trying” Louis replied light-heartedly.

Zayn smiled at him, “Well, what are you in the mood for? Niall put out a ban on marvel the other day, but he totally forgot about DC. Are you up for some batman? Or rather Harry Potter again?”

Liam shrugged, “I’m tired.”

“A nap it is” Niall nodded, “I could use some sleep as well”

“You always could” Louis chuckled, and the group fell into a little banter with Liam listening in on it rather than participating.

Liam didn’t want to let go of Zayn when they finally arrived back at their flats. Zayn kept his arm around him as they got out of the car and tighten his grip when he felt Liam sway against him a little.

The lights and suddenly being completely upright had sent a little wave of dizziness through Liam but he caught himself and they walked up to his flat.

“Bed or sofa?” Zayn asked and led him to his sofa after not getting an answer. Liam found a blanket on around his arms and was left alone for a moment, with Niall calling out, “Start a movie, Li! No marvel, though!”

He could hear his friends roaming around in the kitchen and Liam reached for the remote to start the tv. It was left on a news channel and the first thing he saw was himself. The news were talking about his case and his statement. There was footage of them leaving the building and the news anchor was talking about their early departure, “… popstar Liam Payne of the …. One Direction… case against…. Was seen leaving the building… according to our sources Payne suffered from a panic attack followed by a dissociative episode during his questioning… medically advised… unable to return…”

Liam only made out bits and pieces as he watched the screen. They knew. They knew. They were talking about it.

Suddenly the screen went black again and Zayn was in his line of vision, looking concerned.

“Liam, babe, why are you watching that?!” the older boy asked.

“I already was on” Liam whispered, trying to defend himself, “They know… exactly what… happened”

“We knew word might get out and that some things would be leaked” Zayn said, sitting next to him, “Will you be alright?”

Liam shrugged, “Sometimes I think I never will be. Everything is so hard”

Louis and Niall then carried out plates with sandwiches and snacks and a few cups of tea. Niall handed him one of the cups, “Here, at least have some tea”

Liam nodded slowly while Zayn informed the others, “It’s already on the news, that we left early and why. In details”

“Can we just ignore that and watch a movie, pretend that nothing happened, and nothing is happening right now?” Louis asked with a tired sigh and Liam nodded. He liked that idea.

Zayn put on Harry Potter even though they all must have seen it a thousand times by now and the four cuddled up around Liam, spreading out the blankets over them all. The others helped themselves to the snacks while Liam settled for following the film.

They were almost through with the chamber of secrets when the door opened, revealing Geoff, Paul and the rest of the boys. They all looked tired and Louis stopped the film as the lights were turned on. Josh was the first to walk over to Liam, leaning over the back of the sofa to gently kiss him, asking, “Are you alright?”

Liam nodded slowly, before turning to his father, “Dad? How…?”

“It went exactly like Daniel had predicted” his father explained softly, “They are guilty and will be in jail for a while”

Liam didn’t know how to feel so he just nodded slowly.

“I take it you all are staying the rest of the day?” Geoff was met with nods and then stated, “Well, I want you guys to be quiet and let Liam relax a little, alright? So, finish your movies and then we can order you some dinner. After that I want Liam in bed”

Liam didn’t mind his father setting these boundaries. He was probably right.

The other boys moved the coffee table out of the way and got themselves some blankets and pillows, so they all had enough space to settle down around the tv, making it look more like a big sleepover than some friends watching a movie. Josh forcefully had to fight his way through his band members on the floor so he could sit in front of his boyfriend, leaning back against Liam’s legs with a happy sigh. He soon felt Liam’s hand in his hair and turned to smile up at Liam as he reached up and grabbed Liam’s other hand to hold on to as well.

A little while later Josh could feel Liam’s hand stop carding through his hair and another look up made him chuckle as Liam was fast asleep against Louis’ shoulder, the older boy keeping an arm around him to keep him from slipping and possibly falling of the sofa with the way he was sitting. “We should move him, he’ll be sore if he stays like this” Josh whispered softly when he caught Louis’ eyes. The other boy seemed torn, “We’ll wake him if we do and it’s time for dinner soon…”

Josh nodded, the younger boy had a point, and he was right. Geoff soon asked them what they wanted to eat and ordered it for them before returning to work in the kitchen like he had before. When the doorbell rang, the man didn’t even bother to get up as Niall had been up and at the door within a second, seemingly starved.

Meanwhile Josh had turned and sat up, so he was on his knees, leaning up towards Liam who Louis was still holding, “Sunshine, wake up, time to eat”

Liam turned away from him with a moan and tried to somehow get closer to Louis who chuckled, “You can’t get closer, love, you need to wake up”

“No” the boy groaned, his face now hidden against Louis’ neck. Meanwhile the other boys had all sat on the floor again, already fighting over the food. Josh got up to take the seat next to Liam that Zayn had left moments before and pulled him off Louis who had trouble moving at all with the way Liam was draping himself over the other boy.

“Liam, seriously, get up. I’m saving us some pizza” Louis told him still amused as he got up and tried to get the three of them some food as well. Liam sighed, now having to turn to Josh, “M tired”

“I can tell, love, you can sleep after eating something. You have barely eaten today, sunshine, please try” Josh told him gently which caused Liam to finally open his eyes slowly and sit up a little, holding himself up even though Josh kept his arms around him. Louis returned and handed some pizza to Liam first who slowly started to eat some.

Geoff let them be for a while before he slowly and amusedly told the older boys that it was time to go. One after the other they all said goodbye to each other and walked out of the flat, leaving only Zayn and Josh as last. Zayn helped clean up a little before pulling Liam in a hug, repeatedly asking whether he’d be alright before finally, reluctantly leaving with a concerned expression.

“Dad? Can Josh stay?” Liam asked softly, looking pleadingly at his father who was not that surprised at the request.

“I want you to actually sleep and rest, Liam, today was a lot” the man shook his head a little as he explained.

“But I sleep better when I’m not alone” Liam argued.

“Liam… alright, alright, but I want you to promise to sleep, no talking and no funny business!” the man looked at them sternly which made Liam laugh a little, “Dad!”

“I’m being serious, Liam, get to bed, both of you!” the man replied with an amused shake of his head, his tone sounding more serious than his expression. Josh nodded and stood up, pulling Liam along as well. The two boys got ready for bed and settled down cuddled together, talking softly to each other for a little while longer until Geoff stood in the doorway and frowned at them. He reminded them to actually get some sleep before saying goodnight and leaving them alone after shutting the door.

It was a good call by Geoff to make them go to bed this early since Liam had a really hard time that night, being plagued by nightmares and just feeling unsettled in general. Josh woke up with him a few times and tried to help him through the night as much as possible, but he didn’t wake up each time.

The next morning Liam was awake at first again, but he didn’t really want to move at all or get out of bed, so he waited for Josh. The older boy was surprised when he woke up on his own and not by Liam fidgeting around even though he was awake already. When Liam refused to get up as well, Josh knew it wouldn’t be that great of a day. Instead of pushing, Josh kissed Liam softly, before telling him, “It’s alright, if you don’t feel like getting up today or doing anything, sunshine. I’ll get us some tea, alright?”

In the kitchen he was met by a working Geoff again who looked surprised at Josh, who started the kettle, “Is Liam still asleep?”

Josh shook his head tiredly, “Didn’t want to get up, had a few nightmares. I woke up for most of them, I think, but yesterday really threw him off”

Geoff nodded sadly, “Do you think he’ll eat breakfast?”

Josh nodded, grabbing two cups and tea bags, “I hope so, at least”

“Any requests? Then I’ll get started on that, I was just waiting for you both to wake up” the man asked.

“Nah, anything is fine” Josh told him with a smile as he filled up the cups with the now hot water. Geoff gave him another nod and Josh returned to Liam slowly, who had moved to Josh’s previous spot on the bed, lying on his stomach, face buried in his pillow.

“Sunshine, your dad is making breakfast, I got tea” Josh set both cups down on the nightstand before climbing into bed, lifting a protesting Liam up and sliding beneath him. Josh leaned against the headboard as he settled Liam down again who buried his face in Josh’s stomach now instead of the pillow.

“Love, you’re being ridiculous” Josh told him gently with a soft chuckle as he carded his fingers through Liam’s hair. Liam just let out a soft sigh, wiggling a little until he was almost fully laying on top of Josh, pushing upwards so his head was rather on his chest instead.

The older boy picked up his cup of tea and took a sip before setting it down again, then used the same hand to gently move up and down Liam’s back beneath his shirt. They stayed together like this for a while, Josh only once more tried to take a sip of his tea but was met with loud protests the second his hand left Liam’s back. With a laugh he returned his hand, apologising softly. The younger boy hummed happily as he did so and neither said anything more until Geoff gently knocked against the doorframe as Josh had left the door open when he’d returned.

“Breakfast is almost ready, boys” the man said gently, “How are you feeling, Liam?”

Liam just mumbled something incoherently as Josh looked up at Geoff a little worriedly. The man only returned the glance and entered the room, sitting at the edge of the bed before saying softly, “Liam, you need to get up some time today and actually tell us how you are feeling”

Liam shook his head against Josh who sighed sadly. Geoff put his hand on Liam’s shoulder and gently made him turn around a little, “What’s wrong?”

Liam looked at him with slightly red eyes and pale face, seemingly contemplating whether he wanted to answer or not. Apparently, Geoff was rather convincing and while Liam first struggled for words again, he replied, “I’m not… it feels… wrong”

“What feels wrong?” Geoff asked him gently.

“I do… yesterday not real…” Liam replied, “Feel weird”

“Remember what Natalie told you to do if you feel overwhelmed?” Geoff asked him in the same calm and soft voice and Liam nodded, but said, “Don’t want to”

“Do we need to call her?” the man then asked and was surprised when Liam nodded. Josh looked rather alarmed and upset, almost scared, even and Geoff smiled at him calmly, hoping it would assure the boy.

“Alright, I’ll call her, but I want you and Josh to try these exercises she showed you” Geoff gave Liam a little squeeze before getting up and leaving the room. He called his son’s therapist and explained the situation to her.

“I was almost expecting a call from you today. Yesterday was a lot and I am not surprised with the way he’s reacting.” The woman assured him, though. Liam and her talked for quite a while with Josh staying right next to his boyfriend, as Liam didn’t let him go or stop touching him, yet, explaining later on in the phone call that it grounded him, kept him there when Josh was touching him, fearing that if the older boy let go, he’d slip away again.

While Liam was not quite alright after the call, he did let himself be convinced to follow Josh to the kitchen where they had breakfast. After that, Geoff insisted to go on a walk with him while Josh went home for a while. Father and son spent the rest of the morning together, going on walks, talking and just catching back up, which seemingly helped Liam feel better. By lunch time, he felt a little more like himself again, and actually seemed happy when his four band members came to see him. They were still trying to find out how Liam was doing when Robert showed up as well. They didn’t have anything scheduled but it was not uncommon for Robert to just drop by and inform them of some schedule changes or check in with them. He did that on tour as often as possible and Liam assumed, he was just continuing it now as well.

“Boys, we have some things to talk about” the man said after the initial greeting and making sure everyone was alright.

They settled around the kitchen table for yet another band meeting.

“Alright, so, we have had some schedule changes lately that you are aware off and we didn’t know whether some things would work out, so we didn’t tell you yet. They did work out though and that means you boys have the rest of the week off, all six days instead of doing the video shoots and press junkets.” The man couldn’t even finish explaining, as the boys all yelled loudly and happily. Time off always sounded great and less press even better.

“Settle down, settle down! Seriously, I’m not finished!” the man laughed. It took a while, but he finally had the room’s attention again, “You can go home, stay in London or do whatever during that time, but I want you to be aware that with all the media attention, you’ll probably need security now more than ever. You need to be serious with this, since it is your safety in question, and I want you to clear any adventures you might have in mind with Paul first”

“I’ll go home and draw all day, probably won’t leave my room” Zayn scoffed, “Won’t need any security”

“No one back home cares either”

“I might stay in London since Gemma is here” Harry replied, thoughtfully while Louis shrugged, “I don’t know yet”

“Liam?” Geoff who was standing in the doorway leaning against the doorframe caught his son’s attention, “Robert told me about this a while ago. Ruth also said you were thinking about going to see your grandparents, so… we thought it might be a good idea to use this time for that”

Liam smiled widely at his father for that, “Seriously?”

“Yeah, they’ve been asking about you a lot” his father nodded, “We could drive down either later tonight or tomorrow, they are already expecting us to be honest and I might have talked to Josh about joining us, which is why he’s not here yet”

“Really?” Liam asked again with a wide grin.

“Yeah, we figured you wouldn’t want to leave London without at least one of these guys” Geoff explained, nodding towards his band. While Liam knew he would miss his boys, he also knew that with his father and Josh by his side he’d be alright, and they all agreed to talk over the phone at least every other day. And ever since the day Ruth and his mother had mentioned seeing his grandparents again, he had wanted to do so, not thinking he’d get the chance for quite a while.

He barely talked to them on the phone since his grandparents weren’t too big on that and he was just the same with never answering his phone even though he’d gotten better during the last tour with the almost daily calls with his father.

The rest of the day he spent with his bandmates while his father made sure everything was packed and the flat ready to be vacant for quite some more time for him. In the afternoon, Josh showed up just after the rest of the boys had left. Most of them were going home to see their families while Harry would stay in London. Louis would part his time, staying with Harry for a little longer before he’d go home to see his sisters and mum.

Driving to his father’s parents’ house took a few hours and Josh held him the whole time as he fell asleep in the car, only waking him for a little snack around dinner time. He could hear Josh and Geoff talk softly but quickly was fast asleep again a while later. He didn’t notice when the car stopped or when they arrived at the little farmhouse in the country side. He used to love coming here as a kid, even though it didn’t happen that often. The next thing Liam knew, was that he was on an unfamiliar sofa, wrapped in blankets and Josh was waking him up gently. He startled a little at the strange surroundings, but his boyfriend hushed him with a wide soft smile. Liam reached out, taking a moment to untangle himself from one of the blankets before grabbing at Josh who caught his hand with a smile, pulling him up into a sitting position.

“Dinner is ready, and your grandparents are waiting to actually talk to you” Josh explained and Liam’s eyes widened in realisation, “We are here!”

Josh laughed, “Where else did you think you were?”

Liam didn’t reply as he was busy getting up off the sofa, his legs caught up in the blankets. Josh was there to catch him with a laugh, though and got him freed of the blankets with a soft, “Easy there, sunshine”

Liam still hurried to the kitchen, though, vaguely remembering the layout of the house. His grandmother was at the stove, swatting at his father who was trying to help while his grandfather was already at the table.

“Liam James!” the woman smiled as she waved him over and pulled him into a short hug. Out of the corner of his eye Liam saw how Josh slipped on to the bench at the kitchen table next to his grandfather, picking up some cards. With wide eyes he realised that while he had been asleep, Josh had met his grandparents, talked to them and apparently started playing cards with his grandfather.

“I hope you are hungry, Liam, you must be after the long car ride” the woman told him with a happy voice as she let Geoff bring the food to the table when he insisted. She pulled Liam a few steps to the side, “Ruth told me a lot about your boy, but she didn’t tell me how polite and handsome he was”

Liam blushed a little and she continued, “He’s a keeper, isn’t he?”

He nodded slowly, before stuttering out, “Y-you don’t mind… t-that- like-“

She interrupted him with a laugh, “Oh, darling, no, of course not. We are not like your mother. I never liked that woman anyways. I can’t even count the times I told your father that she was-“

“Mother, stop!” Geoff sternly called across the room, obviously having listened in on the conversation. His mother sighed but did as told, but not before whispering, “He’s grumpy because I was right”

Geoff just shook his head at her and said, “Liam, come sit down, you need to eat”

Josh was already piling food on a plate for him when Liam slid onto the bench next to him.

“Thanks” Liam whispered softly at Josh who smiled, kissing him on the cheek and answering in the same hushed tone, “No problem, sunshine”

“You and Karen were never that sweet!” his grandmother seemingly couldn’t help herself, making Geoff groan and Liam look down sadly. The first mention was alright, but now he felt the thoughts and anxiety surrounding the topic of his mother again and it didn’t feel good.

“A word” was all Geoff said before leaving the room with his mother. They were only in the next room, but Liam could hear them talk, still. His father was trying to get her to stop mentioning Karen, Liam’s mother, but the woman was adamant that she had hurt Liam enough and Geoff had to deal with that now.

“This is not about me, you are hurting Liam by mentioning her”

“I am not, the boy can be happy he doesn’t need to see her again!”

“I brought him here so he could relax and heal, not be tormented about his mother…”

“Sunshine, don’t listen, look at me” Josh grabbed his attention and his trembling hand in his.

“All these years in this house and they still don’t understand just how THIN THE WALLS ARE!” his grandfather first spoke in a calm and amused voice, before yelling out the second part of his sentence, efficiently silencing his son and wife. Then he turned to Liam, “Don’t let her talking affect you, we are just happy to see you, since she never let you and the girls come down here often when you were kids”

Liam frowned at him, before replying, “She said you didn’t have time for us”

“We know, Geoff knew, too, but he always loved that woman too much to actually stand up to her” the elderly man sighed, “Why don’t we just eat dinner now and talk some other time. You are here the whole week, right?”

Liam nodded and Josh smiled at his enthusiastic expression. Geoff and Liam’s grandmother joined them soon after again, both looking rather unsatisfied and upset, but civil.

Liam’s grandfather on the other hand laughed at them, “You two will never learn, will you? Love, why don’t you save your hate for Karen until after Liam is out of earshot the next time? You can tell Geoff I told you so as much as you’d like, but leave the boy alone, it’s not his fault and you don’t need to remind him”

“Fine, alright, okay, I won’t mention it again, but for the record, I was right! All these years!”

Josh and Liam looked at each other before the two boys suddenly started giggling just as the men at the table groaned.

“What is so funny about that?” Geoff asked the boys confusedly but couldn’t help a little smile escaping him as well. The two boys just shrugged, and they slowly returned to their meals.

After dinner they five of them sat together in the living room, playing cards, some board games and talking a lot. Liam remembered these times as a kid as well. His father had taken him down here a few times with his sisters. His mother usually didn’t come along on the few trips they did and while they did talk on the phone a few times before he had gone to x-factor it definitely had been a while since he had seen them. Later, when it was time for them to go to sleep, well, when Geoff decided it was time for Liam to go to sleep, the man and his mother argued whether Liam and Josh should be allowed to stay in the same room. Once that argument was settled with a, “They are on tour together, with no adult supervision, there’s literally no reason to keep them apart”

“I’ll tell Paul that you said he’s not an adult” Liam cheekily told his father which made the man groan, but not as much as when Liam’s grandfather said, “I don’t know why you are sending them to bed already, Geoff! They are old enough to stay up”

“Like I said, they are taking a break from tour, where they already keep the craziest hours, we are trying to get them back into a schedule. Liam still needs time to heal and recover”

“That boy is way too thin, too, Geoff, do they feed him on tour?” Liam’s grandmother took the short pause to voice another of her concerns, making Liam flinch a little, followed by Josh putting an arm around him and pulling him close, “You’re alright, sunshine”

“Just go to bed, boys, we still have a few things to talk about” Geoff sighed, nodding towards his parents, “You shouldn’t have to deal with all these questions”

Josh nodded and stood up, pulling a rather hesitant Liam with himself as he said goodnight to the grandparents and Geoff and walked out of the door, leading him up the stairs and into a room.

“How did you know-“ Liam started to ask, but Josh interrupted him, “You were asleep for quite a while, love, let’s find your meds in these bags and get some rest, alright?”

Liam nodded and grabbed his bag, looking for the meds as Josh added, “I’ll get you some water”

The older boy left the room for a moment which Liam took to get changed, only pulling out a shirt to sleep in. When Josh returned with a chuckled, he looked up questioning.

“Your granddad is the funniest. He went at your grandma and dad again, almost as sassy as Louis” Josh laughed, handing over the bottled water before getting changed himself and climbing into the bed. Liam took his meds and settled into the bed with Josh.

“Are you feeling better compared to this morning, love?” Josh was almost whispering as he talked to Liam.

The younger boy nodded at first, before replying, “Yeah… this morning was… confusing and I don’t… really feel like yesterday was real and it’s scary when I don’t remember things…”

“I bet…” Josh said softly, “I just wish I could help you more… like this morning… I didn’t know what to do”

“Me neither” Liam almost chuckled, only almost, “It’s like… when the boys didn’t know how to help me with the panic attacks… this is new… and I… maybe it won’t happen anymore… I mean… things should be getting better, right? I’m doing better, right?”

“You are, you are doing so bloody amazing, sunshine… but… this is something that most likely will happen again and while your meds help you, you might still get anxious in the future and I feel like… don’t bet on it disappearing when you feel better” Josh seemed torn.

“I’m not… I know it sounded like that… I just… I think it won’t get as bad as this week has been… because I won’t have to see them again, right?” Liam looked unsure when he said that, and Josh immediately nodded.

“No, never again. You will never get hurt like this again, love” Josh promised.

“I love you, Josh” Liam simply replied, moving away from where he’d been lying on his boyfriend’s chest again, arms around him, before leaning in to kiss Josh gently.

“I love you, too, sunshine, but to get back to our-“ Josh said, but Liam just kissed him again, probably trying to shut him up and Josh couldn’t really complain in the change of topic either, so he let it go. They could talk some other time.

The next day started with Liam pushing a still half asleep Josh down the stairs and into the kitchen. His grandmother was already there, looking at them surprised, “What are you boys doing up already!?”

“Liam is horrible” Josh said dramatically, flopping down on the bench at the table again and letting his head fall to the table, “He thinks waking up early is good!”

“Stop it, Josh, you are being dramatic!” Liam told him with a smile as he grabbed two teacups for them.

“I am not, it’s our days off, why would I be awake before noon?”

“You don’t want to get up before noon when we don’t have days off either!” Liam countered, “And you wouldn’t let me go for a run, so it technically is your own fault, you could have stayed asleep”

“Can’t let you sneak off and run anyways, you’re not allowed alone, yet” Josh muttered, “So it’s your fault, for sneaking off before”

“It’s Katie’s fault for catching me and being mean about it” Liam shook his head, sliding into a seat next to Josh and clinging to his side, nuzzling at his neck with a content sigh.

“What do you boys want for breakfast? I can make you anything you’d like!” Liam’s grandmother asked, looking up from the paper she had gone back to reading before.

“Oh, you really don’t have to, we can get our own breakfast” Josh told her with a smile as Liam just gripped him tighter, then told Liam, “Love, you need to let me breathe, you know”

“No, I don’t” Liam told him with a chuckle, squeezing even tighter for a moment before loosening his grip, “Did you guys eat already?”

“Yes, darling, your dad and granddad are already outside, working on the car. It never works when it should be” the woman told him with a shake of her head. Just as she said that Geoff appeared in the doorway, “There you are. I was just coming in to wake you boys up. You seem a lot better today, Liam. What do you want for breakfast?”

“I already asked that, get out of my kitchen” his mother protested, throwing a towel at Geoff, making him walk backwards out of the kitchen. Once he was over the threshold, he stopped, looking a little more serious, “You are feeling better today, right?”

Liam nodded with a soft smile, and his father addressed Josh, “Make sure he eats enough. Don’t let her stop you” He pointed at his mother who sent him another glare. While the woman got to work to get the boys some breakfast, Josh turned to Liam, “Your family is quite funny, well this side of your family is”

Liam nodded, smiling a little sadly, “Yeah… wish I could have had this all the time, you know?”

“Yeah” Josh replied, before smirking, “But are you sure these two actually like or hate each other? Because I can’t tell”

Liam laughed, “It’s funny, isn’t it? Most of it is fun, though”

They talked a little while longer and his grandmother joined the conversation just moments later when breakfast was ready, keeping them entertained the whole time they were eating. Liam gave up pretty fast again and needed Josh’s encouragement to keep going, even though it upset him. Liam’s grandmother on the other hand was ready to let it go, saying, “Liam can decide on his own. You shouldn’t force him to do things he doesn’t want”

While Liam liked the fact that she was trying to protect him in a weird sense, he knew it was counteractive to his actual struggles. Josh apparently, didn’t care that the woman was Liam’s grandmother and as respectfully as possible told her she was wrong and that he wasn’t forcing Liam, but encouraging him.

“I’m sorry if this upsets you, but we’ve been working on this with Liam for weeks and we need him to keep eating and gaining weight to keep him out of the hospital. We’re following his doctor’s and therapist’s orders on this.” he ended is little explanation seriously.

“I’m sorry” Liam’s soft and shaky voice interrupted them before the woman could reply again and Josh immediately hushed him again.

“Don’t be sorry, you are doing great, sunshine. But you need to eat, even if the last few days were a lot and you feel sick” Josh told him, “We can go and see if we can find you some Oreos around here somewhere and motivate you a little”

“Natalie said we are not supposed to…” Liam replied sadly.

“She said not to bribe you or only let you eat those for nutritional reasons, but never said we can’t cheer you up with them” Josh shrugged, “And I won’t tell if you don’t”

Liam laughed a little, “Kind of defeats the purpose of me talking to her like two times a week”

“Pfft, you and your logic” Josh huffed, “Keep that away from me”

“You are an idiot, Josh” Liam replied and then they returned back to the struggle at hand. Liam’s breakfast.

After that first day, where they spent the most time in the house apart from a little trip to the local grocery store, the time flew by like nothing. Liam was happy when he was with his grandparents and father, almost as happy as when he was on stage performing and Josh loved watching him. It was as if literal rays of sunshine were escaping Liam when he smiled and Josh didn’t mind using that metaphor in front of Liam’s family or posting it on Instagram and twitter with cute little pictures of Liam running around in the large garden, laying in the grass with the sun shining on his face or of him spending time with his grandparents, playing games or just talking. By the end of the week, Josh had posted about a hundred pictures of them.

Every other evening Liam and Josh were on the phone, talking to the other boys of the band and catching up with them, just as they had promised.

Before they left, Liam and Josh convinced his grandparents to let them set up Skype on their old computer they barely knew how to use and left them detailed descriptions on how to use it and testing it with them. Geoff almost had to drag them out of the house when it was time to leave and Liam actually had a few tears in his eyes when they drove off. Josh pulled him in his arms and whispered sweet nothings in his ear in comfort. It had been an amazing and peaceful week for Liam who had been hurt and stressed out with the ordeal of the court date. At the same time there was a sting of pain where he felt like this could have been a bigger part of his childhood, this could have been everything he needed as a kid if his mother hadn’t hated his father’s family.

Josh just held him for a little while, letting him cry over the things that could have been while already missing everything he had this weekend. He understood Liam, mainly because this was what they’d been talking about most nights, when they had laid in bed together, kissing and cuddling and talking about everything and nothing. Josh had never felt this close to Liam before and he loved it.

Because of some traffic and the stop they made to get lunch, they were a little late and Paul had them drive straight to the airport with their luggage already taken care of. Paul and Paddy met them at the entrance, giving Liam just a short moment to say goodbye to his father before leading them through the little crowd at the airport and security.

Niall was the first he saw, well, heard and felt as the Irish boy jumped into his arms with a yell, almost sending him toppling to the floor as he hugged him tight. Josh kept them upright as the other three boys joined in as well, before Josh’s band also came over after giving the main band some time to greet each other.

“Boys, we are ready to board, get your stuff and let’s go!” Paul broke them apart a little while later again, pulling Liam back for a moment, “Liam, hey, Katie wants to see you as soon as we are at the hotel before you start any interviews”

Liam rolled his eyes but nodded, “Sure”

When Liam got seated on the plane, he was surprised to find Harry and Josh rush for the seat next to him, Harry pushed Josh forcefully out of the way, so he fell into the seat on the other side of the hallway, landing in Zayn’s lap. Liam looked at Harry, who never was physical with anyone, hated violence and all that in shock.

“Don’t you dare protest, Josh, you got him all week, it’s my turn!” Harry told Josh and sat next to Liam.

“That was aggressive” Liam commented a little unsure, but Harry just shrugged, before starting a conversation. The flight felt like it took forever, and the two bands continued to switch seats and mess around. After one stop where they luckily didn’t need to wait long and another endless flight, everyone was completely tired and grumpy. He’d gotten in a little fight or rather discussion with Paul who had reminded him that with the time change and long flight, he needed to take his meds and adjust his eating schedule which was not well received. In the end it was Zayn who stepped in and calmly convinced Liam to take his medication and try to take a nap. Liam only did so when Niall physically sat in his lap and said he wanted to sleep a little as well. The older boy knew it was a lie to get him to rest but the weight against his chest and lap were almost all he needed to let sleep lull him in despite his protests. He immediately woke up when it neared landing and Niall had to return to his own seat. The airport was packed with fans and media making Liam and Niall cling to each other anxiously the second they could hear the screams and yells. Paul was shouting out orders and worked on getting them to the cars safely.

Inside the car Liam realised that Josh was not with him anymore. He had been around the whole time, even though he had sat with his own band most of the flight and Liam was not prepared to be separated from him in the chaos. It took Louis reminding him that the band usually travelled in a different car and that he’d see him in the hotel to calm him down. The oldest band member took him under his arm and kept him distracted until they were at the hotel.

The whole thing was so different to the last week that Liam felt a little overwhelmed once they got to the hotel. Luckily, they could use the garage there and didn’t need to go through masses of fans again. Instead, they just had to walk into the elevator and were taken to their respective rooms. Paul and Robert had opted again for getting them a suite, so they all were living together again, letting them indulge their not so newfound co-dependency. Katie showed up before even all their luggage had arrived to see the progress Liam had made with his arm and to check whether he had kept up with his exercises the week before.

Louis physically dragged Liam out of the bed he had fallen into seconds prior and sat with him through it as Liam seemed too out of it to actually comprehend any information. She basically told him that he was doing alright and could stop wearing his sling unless he was in significant pain and to keep up with the exercises before clearing him for runs in the morning as long as someone was with him until he was eating more.

While that made Liam happy, he also was too tired to actually be happy about this. Glad that Katie left soon after again, Liam just tried to get beneath his covers, not even bothering to change and tried to fall asleep, even though Louis was hovering around, taking off his shoes and covering him up when Liam failed to do so with the blanket. He shut off the lights and closed the door before leaving with a soft, “Goodnight”

Niall and Harry were asleep on the sofa, cuddled together, when Louis came back into the main room and Zayn’s door to his room was closed. Louis made sure the youngest band members were actually comfortable and placed a blanket over them before sitting down in one of the armchairs with his phone, letting everyone know that they landed safely and to tell Josh about Liam’s little freak out.

It was not even an hour later when Liam came out of the room again, pale with red eyes and tears spilling out of them.

“What’s wrong, love?” Louis asked softly, opening his arms and waving Liam over who tiredly fell into his arms.

“W-where’s Josh? I can’t… can’t sleep alone” Liam explained through sniffles, “Nightmare”

“You’ve had a few in the last weeks” Louis mentioned, and Liam said, “Only when I’m alone… mostly”

“Alright… Niall and Harry also sleep better when they’re not alone, see” Louis nodded towards their bandmates who were still out like a light, then nudged Liam, “Go back to your room. I’ll get changed and stay with you. Josh can probably come here tomorrow, but I don’t want to wake him back up now and I haven’t seen you all week either”

Liam nodded, feeling a little guilty for making Louis take care of him but he needed it. Instead of protesting he did as told and got back to his room, sitting on the edge of the bed and waited for Louis. The older boy was there only moments later and pulled him along into the bed. It only took seconds for Liam to fall asleep with Louis next to him, holding him.

Their next day was busy with them doing a live morning show on tv and performing there as well. It was loud and exhausting, but quickly followed up by a radio show as well. After taking some promotional photos and shooting two quick commercial videos, they had enough time to have lunch. Liam had only seen Josh quickly before their performance and already missed the older boy. The rest of the day was filled with various press junkets and just for a moment Liam thought about how different and horrible it would be with their old management team. Liam was not asked about the court date at all and was grateful for it.

Another tv show in the evening just after their dinner ended the day for them and set them up for a more relaxing following day. Josh came to their room that night as well, even though Liam hadn’t asked him to and after seeing the quick exchange between Louis and his boyfriend he knew the older boy was the reason for it. While it was a little embarrassing that he felt so clingy he also was beyond caring. He just needed Josh, or one of the other boys, to sleep without nightmares.

The next morning at breakfast they all were still a little tired. Harry didn’t eat at all as he just was curled up in Louis’ lap like a cat napping. Niall was the only one awake, talking a mile a minute as Liam and Josh were wrapped around each other, busy kissing in favour of actually eating. Zayn was switching from grumpily frowning at his phone and gently reminding Liam to eat.

Robert surprised them when he showed up and sat at their table with a wide smirk, “Alright, boys, we have a few surprises for you lined up today”

The table was quiet and confused, apart from Niall asking, “You didn’t fly us out here just to give us another week off, right?”

Robert laughed, “No, not quite. Paul should be here in about a minute with the first little surprise. Some of the interviews today fell through yesterday, so you actually have the whole day off. In a funny coincidence, someone’s plans for the next week fell through as well and she asked to join you boys on tour for a few days, wanting to surprise you” The man looked straight at Zayn who had been staring at his phone with the same grim expression as before.

Robert looked at his watch for a moment and grinned when he saw Paul walk inside the room with Gigi by his side. While the rest of the boys were happy to see the girl that made Zayn so happy, the boy in question was still oblivious. Gigi simply walked up to him and sat on his lap, grabbing his phone from him and startling him. His eyes widened and it took a moment where he probably considered throwing the random person that had sat on him off before realising it was actually his girlfriend and hugging her close with a surprised yell.

“Next time you should at least tell him a lie if you get on a flight this long without telling him. He was freaking out because you were not answering” Louis informed her with a smirk.

“I didn’t want to actually lie to surprise him” Gigi explained with a soft chuckle.

“Great, now, Louis, Liam, you two wanted to surf in America and couldn’t. We might have arranged a little thing for you to go today. Katie cleared you as well, Liam, just wanted us to remind you to not test your limits and be careful” Robert continued, “We have a little private beach to ourselves for a few hours, so you can all hang out there or stay here. Just let us know and take security if you want to do something else”

Liam gaped with wide eyes at the man, not sure what to say as Louis yelled loudly, celebrating. Niall and Harry were more than on board with going to the beach for the rest of the day until the concert that night while Zayn groaned a little.

“Come on, Z, you won’t have to go into the water” Gigi told him softly before kissing him. It was all Zayn needed to be convinced.

Not even an hour later the boys were all making their way towards the sea. Josh and his band were running around with Niall and Harry while Louis, Liam, Gigi and Zayn were more composed, simply finding some spot to leave their things and settling down. While Liam and Louis actually got ready to surf, the other two decided to just lie in the sun for a little while, spending time together.

Liam couldn’t even begin to describe what he was feeling when he was running towards the waves with Louis by his side, just diving into the cold salty water. While the last week had made him feel so peaceful, relaxed and loved, this moment made him feel free and strong. It was just incredible to let himself be carried by the waves and to have his friends surround him at the same time. While Louis was the closest, the others were shouting, yelling and having fun near the shore and he could see Zayn and Gigi in the sand, safely away from the water which the older boy feared so much.

All too soon he could feel the strength slowly leaving his arms and he knew he had to take a few moments to breathe, to let his body catch up with the activities. The slight burn down his arm was normal by now. He knew it would be a lot to surf for his arm and he’d be properly sore that night, but at the same time it was worth it, and Katie had deemed it safe.

“You okay?” Louis yelled from quite some distance away, seeing that he had stopped and was just sitting on his board instead of relentlessly chasing the next wave like he had before.

“Tired” Liam replied with a frown as Louis paddled over to him.

“We could take a break and try again later. I’m hungry anyways” Louis suggested, and Liam nodded slowly. It was the sensible thing to do even though he didn’t want to stop yet.

The rest of their friends were all sitting around in the sand, talking to each other and messing around as well. Louis was faster than him in getting out as Liam was struggling more with the waves, the strength in his arms not back to its previous form yet. Josh met him halfway to where their friends were and pulled him in for a long kiss, muttering, “You looked amazing, sunshine, couldn’t stop watching you”

Liam leant against him and sighed happily, “Yeah?”

“Yeah” Josh nodded, kissing him again before taking the board from Liam and pulling him along to the others. 

Paul had made sure that they had more than enough food with them for the day and their team had given them enough to feed five football teams at least. Liam ate as much as he could, hoping his arms wouldn’t feel as weak in a little while anymore and he could go back out again. He felt happy and safe as he sat with his best friends and just laughed, joked, talked and ate with them. Even though it was hours it only felt like minutes and Louis actually reminded him, “If you want to go out again it’s either now or not at all. We don’t have much time left”

Liam nodded, pressing a quick kiss to Josh before following Louis who had gone ahead already. About an hour later, they saw Paul and Paddy who had been around the whole time, making sure they were safe from fans and anyone else that had interest in them, waving for them.

“One last wave!” Louis yelled out at them and ignored their protests as he paddled further out again. Liam laughed and followed, not realising that Louis had no intention of stopping after one wave. It turned into two, then three and Liam stopped after that, knowing it was only making their security guard stressed out and upset with them. With Liam leaving him, Louis followed soon after, quickly catching up with him. Liam felt exhausted the second he stepped on to dry sand, the board suddenly so much heavier in his arms. Paddy took it from both him and Louis quickly as Paul ushered them up the beach, “There are a few fans. They are mostly distracted by Zayn and Gigi, though. The rest are taking pictures with them, so we will just move past them to the car”

There were about six girls standing near the cars, taking pictures and talking with their bandmates. Josh and his band were nowhere to be seen and Paul must have seen his questioning eyes, “I made them leave already to get ready for the show. You boys will be late, too, if we don’t leave now”

Liam nodded a little disappointed as they just caught up with the group and tried to walk past. There was an excited yell and they called out for Liam and Louis who just walked past.

Louis climbed into the car first, followed by Liam, who only faintly heard one of the girls rather loudly say to her friend, “Ew, did you see the scars?”

Before he had the chance to react or do anything, Gigi was yelling, pushing the girl away from the boys and telling her to get the hell away from them. Liam was frozen, halfway in the car as he comprehended what had happened. Louis pulled him back in and the only other thing he heard was Zayn say, “Gi, I love you. That was amazing. What do we need security for when we have you!?”

“Liam, love, are you alright?” Louis asked softly, arms around him and Liam nodded slowly, but he couldn’t help the glance down at his arm and leg, where the scars from the knife wound were still rather obvious. The redness not even having had a chance to fade yet. It wasn’t most likely for them to ever disappear fully and while Liam knew that he had tried to ignore that thought.

It wasn’t fair, that they hurt him bad enough to leave permanent marks on his body. It just wasn’t fair, and Liam definitely didn’t need to be reminded of it.

Paul meanwhile had ushered the rest of the boys and Gigi into the car. Liam felt their eyes on him and tried to compose himself, no need to worry them any further. He was even more surprised when Gigi sat down next to him instead of Zayn again. She gently took a hold of his face to make him look at her as she gently but sternly said, “Do not listen to these girls. They do not know what they are talking about. These scars are nothing bad and nothing to be ashamed of. They mean nothing other than that you fought back and saved yourself. That’s something you can be proud of Liam”

Louis nodded next to him, “Wise words”

And while Liam didn’t know how to react or what to say he slowly nodded as well, choosing to try and think about this later. They had a show which they would barely be in time for and he needed to focus.

As much as Liam wanted to push these thoughts away, he couldn’t. His body was sore and tired and holding up the microphone proofed to be more of a challenge than he thought. While everyone was making fun of Niall and Sandy for being thoroughly sunburnt throughout the show, Liam sat back and observed his friends instead, mostly Josh, though. He knew Zayn was doing the same, seeking out Gigi in the crowd and staying rather close to her as he took little breaks to talk to her. Liam on the other hand knew it was no use to go up to Josh, the boys would only make fun of him and Josh and his boyfriend also had a job to do. He couldn’t exactly cuddle him while he was playing, and he had stopped the show and forced the rest of the band to cover for them enough already at past shows. So instead, Liam sat down at the side of the stage when one of the few songs came on where he had to do barely anything other than harmonise with the boys a little.

It was by accident, really that he looked down on his left arm as he switched from holding his microphone in one hand to the other. But that was all it took for Liam to freeze just long enough for his mind to get back to that afternoon. Ugly scar… ew… that girl had been so disgusted with him and Liam was just happy he didn’t have to look at his leg as well. The other scar looking almost as bad. But it was not really that smart to wear long sleeves in Australia during a show, so he was only wearing a shirt, and had to look at his arm. Liam hadn’t really felt that way before, but instead of being reminded of all the fear and pain the attack had caused, Liam felt disgusted with himself as well. It was ugly and disgusting, that girl was right.

Liam realised too late that a few tears had escaped him as he had become aware just how much it had affected him really. He quickly moved and wiped them, but he could already see Zayn stalk over to him with worried eyes and turned away, trying to signal that he was fine.

But the older boy was by his side just seconds later, sitting next to him and leaning in close, shouting, “What’s wrong?”

Liam just shook his head, moving away from Zayn who was having none of that. Ignoring the fact that they were on stage, Zayn wrapped his arm around him and pulled him close against his side. Liam couldn’t help but melt into the embrace, but at the same time that was all it needed to set more tears free as he thought back to what Gigi had said, the words finally settling in.

Zayn had to sing his part and was occupied just long enough for Liam to fear that he would actually break down on stage right now, so he turned to Zayn, hiding is face in the other boy’s shoulder for a moment to close his eyes and take a few calming breaths.

Liam felt someone sit down on his other side as well now and soon he was engulfed in another set of arms. He only turned forwards again when he was almost certain no more tears were going to escape his eyes, but he was admittedly only holding on by a thread. Another glance down at the scare had him squeeze his eyes shut for a moment again and he heard Louis mutter, “That bloody stupid-“

Louis was the other person next to him, Liam realised and reached out with his right hand to him. He knew he was shaking but Louis still grabbed his hand and pulled him away from Zayn in a short hug before letting him go again, after whispering, “Gigi was right, you should be proud”

Liam just shook his head slowly and took a deep breath, he needed to stop being stupid and move on. Harry had moved on to telling jokes again and that was not good. It never was even if Niall was next to him, almost dying of laughter.

Louis seemed to see that Liam was trying to move on and stood up, holding out his hand to help Liam up as well. The younger boy tried to move his microphone from his left hand to his right again. He barely had any gripping strength left and when Louis pulled him up by his left arm, the microphone slipped out of his grasp. Zayn’s quick reflexes caught it before it hit the floor but didn’t hand it back immediately. Instead, he held on to it and glanced to Liam’s right side where his arm was just hanging by his side. Any movement feeling like too much of an effort as Liam held out his left arm to get the mic back.

“Put on your sling” Louis told him with a shake of his head and Liam frowned, protesting, “No!”

Zayn still didn’t move, and Liam continued, “Katie said I don’t need it anymore!”

“Yeah, that was before we went surfing. Just for today, it was a lot, and you are obviously hurting!” Louis told him, taking Liam’s microphone from Zayn and walking off, shouting, “Do it or you won’t get this back!”

“Come on” Zayn pulled him along to the back of the stage while Louis went over to join Harry and Niall, talking to the crowd loudly. Liam stopped Zayn and said, “Seriously, no”

Zayn put his arm around Liam again, knowing he could push him along to the back of the stage with his strength that way and said, “Just put the damn sling on, babe”

“No, people will just say I’m doing it for show again and I’m tired of defending myself. They’ll know we went surfing and they’ll-“

“But you are not. You are in pain and can’t even move your arm right now, so just-“

Suddenly Niall was with them, grabbing both their arms and pulling Zany of Liam, “You idiot are talking into the mic!”

Zayn’s eyes widened. The arm he had thrown around Liam was holding his mic and it had picked up on everything they had said. Louis was yelling loudly, making a fool of himself as he tried to get the attention back to himself but in the end, they all knew that the fans were focused on Zayn and Liam now.

“Just put in on, please” Niall whispered softly in Liam’s ear as he pulled him in a soft hug before running off towards Louis again. Meanwhile Harry came up to them, he must have ducked backstage as he was holding Liam’s sling and between him and Zayn, Liam had no chance as they simply wrestled the thing on to him until he surrendered and just let them do however they pleased.

“I hate you” Liam told them with a defeated sigh and made Harry laugh, who just pulled him along to Louis so he could get back his microphone. The show then went on as if nothing had happened. Afterwards he was cornered by Josh and Zayn again. Josh was almost worse than Zayn as he had no idea what his little moment had caused and Zayn just wanted to assure him again, be there for him. Liam claimed he was tired and didn’t want to talk about it, so they let him be at first, but back at the hotel, after a quick shower, Harry was insisting he use the sling again for a little while, until he had rested his arm a little from all the surfing. Liam relented as the younger one promised to let him sleep then and pointedly ignored Louis who seemed like he wanted to talk in favour of diving into his waiting bed. He heard Josh show up a little while later, hearing him and Louis talk softly annoyed him and made him feel warm at the same time. It was so confusing and all he wanted was to sleep and forget what the girl had said, instead he tried to think back to when he was in the sea with Louis and how calm he had felt. He wished he could do that all the time.

His door opened and he heard Josh softly walk in, closing it behind himself before the older boy climbed into his bed carefully, sliding in behind him and wrapping his arms around him. Liam felt a soft kiss against his cheek before Josh whispered, “I know you don’t want to talk, love, that’s alright. Just want you to know I love you and your scars are beautiful. Goodnight, sunshine”

Liam who had been torn about pretending to be asleep couldn’t help the single tear slip down his face as he listened to Josh. The older boy simply arranged the blankets a little and settled down next to him, still holding him. Liam never wanted to sleep alone again.

The next morning, Josh and Liam were the first ones awake, already sitting in the main area of the suite and eating breakfast. While Liam had been reluctant, he still answered Josh’s questions about last night.

“Josh… I’m serious, it’s alright, it just caught me off-guard yesterday and… yes, I’m sore, but it doesn’t feel wrong or hurt that much… you really can stop worrying now and like you said. Gigi is probably right with wha-“

While he was talking, surprisingly the door to Zayn’s room opened and Gigi walked right out, pulling a still sleepy looking Zayn after her. He was not grumpy or looked upset like he usually did when the other boys woke him at the last minute, which was usually a lot later than that moment.

“Bloody… how did you get him up? Before- it’s not even nine, yet!” Josh interrupted his boyfriend with wide eyes as he saw the couple. Gigi just laughed, “It took a little convincing”

“How did he not hurt you?” Liam asked just as surprised, “He didn’t throw anything at you?”

“He throws things at you?” Gigi asked, sounding surprised as she turned to Zayn with a glare. She had already sat down opposite Liam while Zayn got both of them something to eat and ignored her.

Liam nods slowly, “He hit Lou with a book once”

“Harry told me, him and Niall once trapped Liam who tried to wake them and hurt him while he was injured” Josh explained.

“They weren’t hurting me, they just didn’t let me back up. I was hurting just fine on my own” Liam protested.

Zayn snorted as he turned towards his friends, “That you do alright”

“That’s not something you should be proud of. And it counts as hurting you if they hold you down while you are injured” Josh told him with a shake of his head. Liam just shrugged at that and returned to his breakfast. Josh had sneakily tried to increase his portion again, making him struggle a little again. It just felt like it was too much.

“Are you sure you should be running around without your sling?” Zayn asked Liam as he sat down next to Gigi and opposite Josh. Liam just groaned, throwing back his head in frustration as Josh laughed, “Already had that conversation, mate”

“But not with me” Zayn argued, looking expectantly at Liam, who basically repeated his earlier answers.

“Alright, alright, but just because you don’t have to wear it anymore, doesn’t mean you can’t if you feel like it” Zayn said in a gentle reminder, “Does anyone know our schedule for today?”

“Yeah, it’s packed” Liam replied with a sigh, “We had a lot of time off lately and need to make up for it, I think. We should wake the others”

“I’ll do it” Josh volunteered, getting up and taking care of his dishes while reminding Liam, “Finish that and don’t let Niall or Harry steal anything!”

Liam rolled his eyes but focused back on his breakfast and soon Niall was next to him, happily talking to Gigi and actually trying to steal some of his food. Zayn slapped his hand away and said, “Get your own, Nialler”

Niall whined a little but did get back up just as Josh let out a loud yell and threw the door to Louis’ room closed again. He ran back into the room with wide eyes, “Oh god!”

“What’s wrong?” Liam asked with worried eyes, already starting to get up to see for himself but Josh pushed him back down.

“You do not want to see that believe me! Harry is in there! They were definitely not sleeping, and I need to bleach my eyes!” Josh dramatically said, falling down in his seat again.

“What? Why?” Liam still was confused while Zayn and Niall were both laughing loudly. Niall was almost on the floor and Gigi actually had to steady Zayn who almost fell off the chair.

“It’s not funny!” Josh replied in protest while Liam still had no idea what was going on.

The door to Louis’ room opened again and Louis walked out first with Harry trailing behind, holding on to the older one’s shirt.

“Shut up!” Louis glared at Niall who opened his mouth to say something which made Zayn laugh harder as he buried his face in Gigi’s hair to muffle it. Liam frowned and turned closer to Josh, whispering, “What is going on?”

“Aw, sweet innocent little Liam” Louis cooed at him with a smirk, then turned to Josh, “You two are too adorable, still waiting, huh?”

“Shut up, just because we don’t fuck with the rest of the band literally steps away without locking the bloody door, doesn’t-“ Josh replied with a glare, but was interrupted by Harry, “You walked in on us!”

“You should have locked the door! We thought you were asleep!” Josh shouted exasperated.

“And we thought you were alone” Zayn added, finally able to say something through his laughing, “Finally sorted through whatever you are?”

Louis and Harry both blushed at that question and looked everywhere but at each other or Zayn.

“Great” Niall groaned, his laugh immediately dying down as he realised, “You always do that! You need to talk! Not fuck each other”

“Thanks Josh” Louis glared at the drummer at that, “That’s none of your business!”

Neither said anything else, but Harry after a moment very softly looked at Louis and said, “But they are right… you never want to talk, just want to-“

“We’ve heard enough, keep it kid friendly. Niall and Liam are innocent and naïve” Zayn interrupted him, “But go on”

“Don’t” Louis just gritted out between clenched teeth before getting up and leaving the table looking rather upset. Harry looked like he wanted to cry again.

“He just needs some more time” Josh told him softly, but that only made Harry sniffle again.

“I gave him enough time, didn’t I? It’s not fair, I can’t… can’t keep doing this” with that Harry also got up, albeit much slower and sadder, compared to Louis’ angry way. After he disappeared into his own room this time, the rest of the band sat there a little dumbfounded.

“I don’t know what Louis’ problem is, seriously” Zayn muttered a little frustrated, “We all know there are feelings on both sides, why can’t he just talk it out with Harry?”

“I don’t know” Niall sighed.

“Someone needs to talk some sense into him” Josh decided and suddenly Liam found all of the boys looking at him and he sputtered surprised.

“What?! No! Why me?”

“You are the sensible one, aren’t you?” Zayn shrugged.

“Fine” Liam replied, glancing down at his unfinished breakfast and quickly fled to Louis’ room, running inside without knocking, ignoring Josh who was yelling for him, telling him he needed to eat first.

“Go away!” Louis angrily yelled the second the door closed. He was angrily throwing around clothes and things that had been sprawled all over the room in a typical way. Louis always had the messiest room and spaces which made it easy to find things to throw.

Liam shook his head, “Nah, Josh is making me eat even more than usual, I’m not going back out. And they all decided I needed to talk to you, so start talking”

“What the fuck?” Louis actually said, glaring at him again, but he stopped rushing around the room angrily. Liam shook his head, “I don’t know, I was outvoted. Not my choice, but I am curious with what is going on between you two!”

“None of your business!” Louis told him with a sigh.

“Didn’t stop you from still messing with Josh and I!” Liam countered, sitting down on the bed and pulling Louis gently along, “Come on!”

Louis sat down but didn’t talk to him.

“Why can’t you just tell Harry that you feel the same way? You made him cry again and it’s not fair on him!” Liam bluntly cut to the point, not thinking that coddling and careful words would help in that case. 

“Because I don’t” Louis just said coldly towards Liam. The younger one frowned, he had never seen his friend that upset or tense unless someone had gotten hurt.

“That’s a lie and we all know it is even if we pretend it’s not” Liam softly said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Well, then you don’t know me as well as you think you do”

“Lou, come on, why can’t you talk to us? You always tell me I have to talk to you and now you’re being a hypocrite” Liam sighed sadly, “I thought you were my friend”

“That’s unfair, you’re guilt tripping me” Louis told him, still glaring.

“It’s the truth, I feel like you don’t trust us at all and expect us to trust you at the same time. If that makes you feel guilty enough to talk to me then I am fine with it” Liam shrugged.

Louis seemed to contemplate this, saying much softer than before, “I do trust you, but I don’t like what you are going to tell me because I disagree”

“Maybe you still need to hear it. I know some things but hearing them makes it easier. That’s the whole point of therapy, isn’t it? And you practically forced me to do that” Liam told him gently, not wanting to upset Louis again.

“I don’t have to listen to my own advice” Louis argued.

“That’s just plain stupid, then” Liam said, “Come on, you love Harry so much and he does as well. What is the problem?”

“I am, I can’t be” Louis explained, and Liam celebrated internally that he finally got a little bit of an answer.

“Why not? There’s nothing wrong with you being in love” Liam asked a little confused.

Louis scoffed, “You should know better, your mum hates you because you love Josh”

Liam was taken aback by that, not having expected such harsh words. Swallowing down the utter sadness and hurt he felt, he simply said, “She’d hate me either way. It’s just an excuse”

Louis looked a little surprised by his own words and didn’t reply anything. So, Liam, a little hurt by the words of his friends still, stood up slowly, saying calmly, “You are a hypocrite and should just stop feeling sorry for yourself. Yeah, people might get offended but it’s still not fair to Harry what you are doing just because you are scared. I didn’t think you were such a coward, and your last comment was unnecessary”

Liam then left a shell shocked Louis in his room and returned to the main area where the rest of the boys were waiting curiously. Harry was curled up leaning against Josh on the little sofa, his eyes red rimmed and still looking like a sad puppy. Niall was sitting almost in his lap as well. Gigi and Zayn were still at the table, with the girl safely in her boyfriend’s arms.

“It’s a I can’t be in love with a guy because people might don’t like it thing. He’s being an asshole for no reason” Liam announced to the waiting faces and then went into his own room with a frown. He didn’t want to get into it, but the comment had hurt him. It was the truth, but it was simply unnecessary for Louis to bring such a sensitive topic up to defend his actions against Harry or to explain his fear.

Before Liam even had the chance to close his door, he could hear some shuffling behind him and suddenly, Liam had never heard that before, Harry was yelling angrily, ripping another door open, “What the hell is wrong with you? What did you say to upset Liam? You do not get to do that! Not to him or me! Seriously, go to hell, Lou, I’m done”

Liam had turned around by the sudden shouts and froze when he saw Harry simply take a few steps to the side, lean against the wall and then slid to the floor. The second he heard the thud and first sob coming out of his friend he was the first to rush over and wrap him in his arms. Zayn was now up as well while Niall who had not liked that outburst of anger was clinging to Josh who was just watching surprised. Zayn walked up to Louis’ room, simply stating, “You need to fix this, Lou. Make a decision and live with it but this is hurting all of us”

Then he kneeled down next to Harry who was crying into Liam’s shoulder, softly saying, “Let’s get you to your room, Haz, come on”

Liam and him got their youngest friend up and into his room where Liam simply climbed into the bed with him and held him as he cried for a little while. Liam was not prepared for Harry to ask, “Why am I not enough?”

Followed up by, “I never am… no one will love me, and I just want him…”

Zayn watched them for a while before shaking his head and leaving the room, closing the door gently. Just moments later, Niall ripped it back open and was with them seconds later, climbing simply on top of them on the covers and settling down mostly on Harry, holding on to them, “Zayn is angry. He’s going to yell at Louis”

It only seemed to make Harry more upset, “I don’t want him to hurt Louis or them to fight… why do we need to fight? I’m sorry… I never wanted to hurt the band”

Before he even had finished his little explanation, all three of them flinched when they heard Zayn and Louis go at each other. They both could get worked up and angry just as much as the other and when they went at each other it was never good. Liam was not alright with their choice of words or their way to solve things, but there was nothing either of them could do, so he settled for holding on to his youngest friends who hated the yelling and aggression even more than him.

Liam tried to blend it all out, knowing that both Harry and Niall were doing the same, so they all looked up and at each other surprised when another voice joined, silencing the others.

“That’s enough!” Josh had never yelled before, not that Liam could remember apart from some excited yells or during a football game maybe. Never like this.

Also, Gigi suddenly said, a little calmer but firmly, “Z, stop, he’s crying, just stop”

Curiosity got the better of Liam who carefully got up and walked towards his friends, opening the door he saw that Gigi was leading Zayn away, to his room, the boy looking extremely upset and sad while Louis was in the same place Harry was in earlier, curled up and crying with Josh next to him, trying to console him helplessly. Liam went to them, softly asking, “What’s going on?”

Josh just looked up even more helplessly and moved to the side as Louis pulled Liam close, latching onto him as he was crying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry… I said… I… your mum…”

“It’s okay” Liam simply said softly, knowing that Louis never wanted to hurt him, even though he did. He couldn’t help but notice the flicker of anger in Josh’s eyes though as he heard that.

“Just talk to us… please…” Liam pleaded.

“You are right… I’m sorry… I can’t… I just… I can’t do that”

“What do you mean? Be with Harry? Love him? Be gay or bi or whatever?” Liam asked again, trying to get more information.

“All of it” Louis said, “Especially… the last”

“Why?” Josh wanted to know, his voice gentle.

“M-my father… he just… he just started talking to me again… I can’t… lose him again”

“Mark?” Josh asked confused and Liam shook his head, asking, “Your father that left? Not Mark, right? Mark is your dad, he loves you”

Louis nodded at Liam’s words and the younger boy sighed, happy they finally got to the base of this and sad at the same time, because while he hadn’t been left and abandoned by his mother like Louis had been by his biological father, he knew how much it hurt that your parent didn’t really love you.

“But your mum and dad wouldn’t care, Lou, you know that. You don’t need him” Liam told him, “Not when he doesn’t love you for who you are. That’s what you said about my mum”

Louis just hid his face against Liam now, their roles strangely but not uncomfortably reversed.

“And… Louis, I don’t know that much about your family situation, but… isn’t it still worth to be with Harry when he loves you so much instead of running after a man that apparently hasn’t cared enough in the past to be around and might not stay around?” Josh asked, carefully choosing his words again.

“I don’t want to lose him, he said he’s sorry and he loves me” Louis replied, almost whining, but it didn’t sound like he really was believing himself and Liam easily picked up on that. He’d tried to convince himself of the dumbest things for years.

“If he loves you, he won’t care. Like you said, my mum doesn’t love me” Liam used the same argument again, “But leaving out all of this for a moment. Think just a moment of Harry. Please. Because Zayn is right, you need to decide what you want, no matter what’s right or not. You can’t lead him on like this and either you chose Harry and the possibility of your father disappearing again or you don’t and let him move on.”

“I’m sorry” is all Louis said to that and Josh nodded relieved. It’s the most they had gotten out of Louis that day.

“I know you are still upset and that this is hard, but you need to apologise to Liam for what you said, and you and Zayn need to apologise to each other as well. Neither of you was in line with all the yelling” Josh said.

“It made Niall and Harry cry” Liam supplied, “But you don’t have to apologise to me”

Liam ignored the glare Josh sent him and worked on getting Louis up and off the floor. He walked him back into his room, where he talked to him a little longer, waiting for Louis to be a little calmer and relaxed before suggesting he at least talk it out with Zayn. It seemed like Louis was feeling a little more like himself as he went to see Zayn. Zayn had his arm slung over Louis’ shoulder when they came out half an hour later again, both smiling and led him to Harry’s room. Just to be stopped in the doorway by Niall, who pushed them back out again looking upset.

It looked quite adorable the way Niall berated them for getting into a fight and not letting them in until they profusely apologised to him and then Harry.

Meanwhile Josh and Gigi were scolding an annoyed Liam who was sitting between them on the sofa, still insisting that Louis did nothing wrong.

“He can’t just bring up your mum like this, Li, he hurt you and needs to apologise” Josh still insisted, and Gigi agreed.

“Him and Zayn fighting like that is not okay either. They both need to apologise to you as well, not just Niall and Harry” she explained.

“They don’t seem to need to apologise to you two so why me?” Liam asked, actually curios this time.

“I don’t mind the yelling and it’s not my band” Josh explained, “It affects you three more and they are so much closer to you and should know how it upsets you, all three of you. Neither of you is well with loud noises unless it’s music or likes how aggressive they get. I know it gives you headaches for a fact and it’s the same with Harry, I think.”

Gigi nodded and Liam knew he had lost, “Fine, fine, I get it, alright? But it’s done now, so no need to stress him or me out over it”

“At least Harry stood up for himself finally and didn’t let Louis push him away again” Josh muttered. Gigi sighed, “It’s so sad. I get why Louis is so scared, but it is just not fair”

Zayn and Niall now joined them, with the older saying, “Well, maybe they’ll talk it out for now”

Niall sighed, “Yeah and it either ends with me being alone forever or with our band probably maybe ending because they can’t stand each other”

Liam frowned, “You’re not alone and we are not breaking up the band. They need to get their shit together!”

“Mate, I’m surrounded by couples” Niall looked at him incredulously.

“Not a couple” Harry’s voice sounded rough and tired as he walked towards the group with Louis disappearing into his own room again.

Liam pulled at Harry, making him sit between himself and Josh, both cuddling him gently, “What did you talk about?”

“A few things… not enough… I convinced him to talk to his mum. He hasn’t talked to Jay in weeks!” Harry exclaimed as if he couldn’t believe what he was saying.

“What?” Zayn asked worriedly, looking more than surprised.

“They’ve checked in with each other, but things have been a little stressful apparently… her and Mark might get a divorce… it’s pretty bad and he doesn’t want to take any time away from the girls. But he needs to talk to her, like, we’ve all seen how grumpy he gets when he doesn’t get his mum-time” Harry explained, looking sad, “I mean… he is the big brother in the band and we all know she’s the only person he really, like really talks to…”

“Is it really that bad with Jay and Mark?” Liam softly asked and Harry just nodded, so also wanted to know, “But… he still talks to Mark, right? He’s not going to just leave like…”

Harry nodded, “Mark promised to stay around but Louis doesn’t believe it… I mean… he’s not his biological kid like the girls are and… I get that he’s scared…”

“We get that as well, but that does not mean he gets to treat you like he did and things won’t get better the way he’s been handling it” Josh softly said, “So don’t feel guilty or anything like that”

Harry nodded slowly, “I’m trying not to… and, just for your information… I gave him until the end of the week to sort things out with himself and if he doesn’t want me or can’t decide it’s over, because I can’t keep doing this anymore. I won’t let him talk me into fucking him again either, he’s used that to distract me way too often now”

“Too much information” Niall yelled, covering his ears, before frowning and letting his hands drop, “Wait, what? Him? I thought you…”

Harry blushed and shook his head while Zayn and Josh groaned, and Liam still seemed confused with Gigi just shaking her head. A loud knock on the door startled the group and Paul opened it, looking upset, “I’ve been calling you boys! You are late! … what are the long faces for? What happened? Oh, please not today”

“Everything is fine” Liam assured him, “We had a little thing going on, sorry for not answering, is there any chance we can cover for Louis for a while. He’s talking to his mum, it’s important”

Paul groaned, knowing that something was happening that upset them all but called Robert instead. The man was worried but agreed to let Louis out of the interviews until the afternoon. Liam smiled happily and went to tell Louis, who he found crying, leaning against the window and staring out of it as he was talking to his mum. He gently knocked on the doorframe to grab his attention and said softly, “We are leaving for the interviews. Paul is fine with you sitting them out this morning. Paddy will pick you up in the afternoon, so you can continue this” Liam motioned to the phone and Louis just nodded slowly.

The rest of the band hurried to get ready in time and by the time they arrived, admittedly late to their first interview word had been spread that Louis was sick and wouldn’t attend them so he could participate in the concert that night. Time flew by and before they knew it, Louis was walking towards them, looking still a little bit upset and pale but fine otherwise and joined them for their last radio interview. He joked around and assured everyone he was feeling better, but the band knew it was not the truth. Just before the show, the oldest boy pulled Liam aside to apologise for bringing his mother up.

“It’s fine… are you feeling better after talking to your mother?” Liam just told him with a shrug. It had hurt but he was alright.

Louis nodded slowly before shaking his head and then nodding again, with a sigh he explained, “Kind of… but she made me delete his number because… he’s been lying to me apparently and stuff… but I didn’t, just pretended but I might still do… don’t know. But, like, the thing is, I brought your mum up and it was not my place. You would never just start talking about my father because you know it would upset me. And I’ve kind of been lying to all of you by not telling you that I’ve been talking to him and… just, you make it sound like I don’t need to apologise but I do”

“Alright, if it makes you feel better. You apologised and we are alright now, it’s okay” Liam assured him.

“I need to ask you something…” Louis stopped Liam from walking away, “I need to go home after this, but we have all these meeting lined up with the record label and… can you back me up with Robert and help me? I need to see them and… I think I need to talk to my dad…”

“Of course, you definitely need to talk to Mark, he’s your dad, not that other guy” Liam smiled and pulled him in a hug, “We’ll figure it out. I’ll talk to Robert tonight about this, don’t worry”

Louis then finally let himself be pulled along to follow the rest of the band to sound check. He smiled when he saw Niall and Josh immediately fretting over Liam as he turned and saw Harry talking to Zayn who had his arms around Gigi. He hesitated. He had hurt Harry so bad in the last few weeks, he knew that. He didn’t deserve Harry and it was all his own fault.

Still, he had until the end of the week to decide, but he didn’t need any more time. Feeling a little shaky and unsteady, Louis walked up to the group and pulled at Harry’s arm. The younger boy saw him and protested an angry glimmer in his eyes, but Louis didn’t stop, just kissed him long and deeply.

Harry still pushed him away, shouting, “I said no! Seriously, Louis, I said you couldn’t do that again, not until you decide”

Louis looked at him for a moment, sounding not even half as scared as he was as he said, “I did”

“Well, shit” Zayn muttered next to them and Louis wondered why he even registered that, but Harry was just staring at him and it scared him. He couldn’t read Harry’s expression and it took long enough for him to think that Harry didn’t want him anymore. He’d been too late, done too much damage and Harry would hate him for the rest of his life.

As he turned to run off, Harry quickly grabbed his arm and turned him around, asking, “Do you mean it?”

Louis nodded.

“Are you really being serious?”

Louis nodded.

“You are not lying?”

Louis nodded, “I’m not”

“You’ll not hide us anymore?”

Louis nodded, “I told my mum”

“And you want a real relationship, no stupid frie-“

“Harry” Louis whimpered pleadingly with a nod, adding in the same tone, “I’m sorry”

Harry smiled widely, his stern and unhappy expression suddenly gone as he surged forward and kissed Louis. The older boy was surprised, actually stumbling a few steps backwards before returning the kiss and holding on to Harry.

“We’ll be late for sound check, start without us” Harry suddenly announced with a wide smirk as he pulled back and then pulled a shocked Louis behind him as he rushed off the stage out of sight.

“Oh god, they are going to be horrible, on the bus, oh god, I hate them already” Niall exclaimed, hands thrown in the air dramatically.

“What are they doing?” Liam asked Josh softly who chuckled, “You are so sweet, Li. They are repeating this morning, probably. I just hope they lock the door this time”

Liam blushed a little and hid his face against Josh’s chest. Gigi was more than glad to stand in for Louis and Harry as much as she could during sound check, so they got that done without either of their help in the usual time. The newly decided couple showed up just in time for the show both wearing matching grins and unable to let go of each other for more than a few seconds. Even on stage it was more than obvious that something had changed, and Liam was more than jealous when he realised they could hold hands and each other during the songs while all he could do was at Josh from afar. With that he also felt so much more for Zayn who was mostly in a long distance relationship with Gigi and barely saw her and Niall who was not even in love at all. It made him sad and he vowed to himself to find someone for Niall who could make him as happy as Josh was making him.

The next few days flew by in a blur. Liam and Louis found a few hours during their last day to surf again, even though they were swarmed by fans an hour later, he was still elated and nothing, not even their delayed flight and the masses of paparazzi and fans that greeted them back home could dampen his mood. Only a little sadness rose in him when he watched Louis walk off alone, to go home to be with his family for a little while as the rest of the boys were brought home to their flats and expected an early morning with meetings and decisions to be made.

While Zayn and Gigi spent their last night together before she had to fly back to the states, Liam, Harry, Niall and Josh had a fun game night with Jon and Dan before getting up even earlier that next morning to call Liam’s dad and his grandparents.

Paul soon was there to pick him, Harry, Niall and Zayn up for their meetings. The next few weeks Liam managed to get back to a point where he was feeling physically alright. His eating habits were still a struggle, but he was almost back to a healthy weight which helped as he could work out again and run to relief stress and anxiety. Josh had used one of their free weekends to take him back home to finally meet his family and friends and Liam absolutely loved them. Josh’s mother immediately loved him, and Liam spent most of the time talking to her as Josh was hanging out with his older brother that Liam was admittedly a little scared of still. He still liked him, though, he was just older and loud and a little intimidating. Especially after he had told Liam not to hurt his little brother. Which Liam never intended to, but still.

Josh’s little group of friends was nice, but Liam felt a little out of place most of the time, which made him anxious and weird and almost freak out if they hadn’t been so nice and welcoming as well. It was just new and scary and while Liam liked them, he thinks, he needed more time to warm up to them. Josh assured him it was fine, though and Liam was more than alright with that.

One of the things that still bothered him the most were his scars and after seeing a little idea online, he was dead set on that. When he brought it up with the boys, Louis and Zayn simply told him no in a condescending way while Harry encouraged it and Niall looked scared and shook his head.

Josh seemed a little confused. He didn’t really help any way with the decision and Liam was too scared to bring it up with his father.

In the end, he did it without telling anyone that he was actually going through with it. He just went out one night where Josh was not with him and he couldn’t sleep either way and found a tattoo studio. He had done his research weeks in advance and knew which one he wanted to go to, but actually doing it and showing up just before they closed, was a rather spontaneous decision.

When he woke up the next morning, his arm was hurting horribly but Liam felt amazing. He felt free and in control at the same time and when he looked down at his arm that was now covered in beautiful lines of ink, he felt couldn’t help but smile. He felt so great, that he wanted to share it with the world and posted a photo of the still covered ink on twitter, captioning it, I figured it out #free

He didn’t think it through as he had turned back around and gone to sleep again just moments later and suddenly was pulled up and almost thrown to the floor as Zayn loudly yelled. Louis was fighting him, though, trying to take a look at him as well. Liam was too tired and confused to fight back and let them manhandle him around as they pleased until they were satisfied.

“You can’t complain or yell, considering your thousands of useless tattoos” Liam told them a little scared of their reaction. Zayn just shook his head a little amused while Louis said, “It’s fine you got it, but you should have told us! Did you go alone? When did you do that?”

“Last night, couldn’t sleep and I was alone” Liam replied softly, “I didn’t mind… I think I preferred it”

Zayn hummed softly and nodded, “It looks good. Next time don’t just go to anyone. You saw how bad some of Louis’ turned out”

“I did my research like… weeks ago… just didn’t go through until now” Liam explained.

“Good, knew you were sensible, love” Louis smiled at him, “And it’s the song you wrote as well… didn’t you want a motive?”

“I still want the feather I showed you the first time” Liam said, “Just not for that… it’s different… I needed that covered because… I just needed it”

“We get it, love” Louis whispered, then grinned and shouted, “Come on, now, breakfast is at ours today, let’s surprise Harry and scare Niall”

Josh just smiled at him softly later that day and nodded, “I like it, it fits”

Liam hadn’t really expected much of a reaction from him, he knew Josh was fine with whatever he wanted and that was enough in itself. His father on the other hand didn’t seem too happy about it but also understood why Liam needed it, promising not to tell his grandparents as well. Liam knew they were not a fan of tattoos and he didn’t need to upset them unless he could be there to explain himself.

Before they knew it, the year was over and after another successful album and tour they found themselves back in Australia on the same private beach with the same people and loved ones surrounding them and Liam felt weirdly amazing as he sat on his board, letting the waves move him around a little as Louis was already on his way back to the shore. He felt happy, Liam realised. He was still on anxiety medication, but they had managed to lower the dose a little and he still had days where he was not alright, missing his sisters and mother who were basically not a part of his life anymore.

He glanced down at his arm, just below the tattoo covering up his scar was a feather, reminding him of his grandfather that had passed away just a few months ago and sent him into a dissociative episode for the first time since the court date. It had not been a good time for him as he couldn’t attend the funeral as they were in the states at that time and no one had wanted to put him on a plane in the state he’d been in. He barely would have been in time and so Paul, Robert and Geoff had decided that he’d stay with his band who cared for him, helped him through it before Josh finally flew home with him for a week as Robert rescheduled some things. It was a hard time and Liam was devastated but he had gotten through it. He was alright in the end even though it hurt.

The feather did give him a pinch of sadness, but mostly he felt alright, thinking of his grandmother that was now living with his father again and he’d see them both on their next off days, missing them but talking to them at least twice a week.

Josh was now yelling his name and waving, Liam smiled as he looked up and waved back, working on following Louis out of the water who was already lying in Harry’s arms on a large towel next to Gigi and Zayn. Niall and Jon were both holding guitars and fooling around a little as Sandy and Dan both also had their girlfriends with them. It was cute, really. They were still working on finding Jon and Niall some love, but they didn’t seem to mind as much as they used to, so they didn’t hurry.

Liam glanced at his arm again and he knew that he was happy, he was loved, and he was free. Not once had he thought about the people that had hurt him in the last few months and even know he didn’t fear them like he used to, not anymore. Everything was alright and now, finally he believed what the boys had been telling him for over a year. Everything was alright. He was loved.

Later that night, at their last show in Australia, Liam stood on the stage, panting heavily and smiling widely as he looked out into the crowd after having ran away from Louis who had still managed to douse him in water. This was his life and he got to live it. It was amazing. 


End file.
